Has anyone done an "Eighth Grade Out!" year?

[Quarter Note]

SWB mentions this in Rethinking School, and I just looked up the original article.  I'm intrigued.  My newly thirteen-year-old will be in eighth grade next year, and I'm at my wits' end.  Sure, we all watch our kids change as they hit adolescence, but I'm really wondering if there's a better answer to what to do with her than either "continue on with the same old thing, even though no one's having fun" or "put her in public school, because that's the default when homeschooling gets unbearable".  

Thoughts?  Ideas?  I'm wondering if we could really do something different (not so different that it would involve my husband quitting his job to travel all year!), that would make her eighth grade year, as the author of the article says, "life-changing".   

[Jean in Newcastle]

We went to a more project based schooling model for middle school. 

[smfmommy]

I'm letting my 12 year old almost unschool next year.  He will be watching some science videos with his brother and do math every day.  I will also expect him to 'research'.  This will involve reading, taking notes, writing.  If he can self-direct and create a decent writing portfolio we will do it again in 8th grade.  He insists he doesn't need to learn how to write (but writes on his own initiative) and resists being told what to learn.  So I am giving him a year to prove it.  Not exactly 'life changing' but not what I have normally done in middle school.

 

[Ellie]

12 hours ago, Quarter Note said:

SWB mentions this in Rethinking School, and I just looked up the original article.  I'm intrigued.  My newly thirteen-year-old will be in eighth grade next year, and I'm at my wits' end.  Sure, we all watch our kids change as they hit adolescence, but I'm really wondering if there's a better answer to what to do with her than either "continue on with the same old thing, even though no one's having fun" or "put her in public school, because that's the default when homeschooling gets unbearable".  

Thoughts?  Ideas?  I'm wondering if we could really do something different (not so different that it would involve my husband quitting his job to travel all year!), that would make her eighth grade year, as the author of the article says, "life-changing".   

We didn't do things based on "grade level," but on dc's ages. 🙂 Both started attending community college when they were 14yo, and I graduated them on their 16th bdays, because clearly they were finished doing any Official School Stuff at home.

I would absolutely do something different with a 13yo if she were not happy. There's no reason on God's green earth for homeschoolers to do 12 years just like school. The goal is for our dc to be educated, and prepared to be adults, not to do 12 years just like school.

[scbusf]

We’ve been kind of doing this for my youngest’s 7th grade year. It’s more like survival mode than life-changing, though. We are in the process of having an evaluation done for learning disabilities. I’m hoping those results will help guide us for next year. 

[Servant4Christ]

4 hours ago, Ellie said:

We didn't do things based on "grade level," but on dc's ages. 🙂 Both started attending community college when they were 14yo, and I graduated them on their 16th bdays, because clearly they were finished doing any Official School Stuff at home.

I would absolutely do something different with a 13yo if she were not happy. There's no reason on God's green earth for homeschoolers to do 12 years just like school. The goal is for our dc to be educated, and prepared to be adults, not to do 12 years just like school.

Wow, that's amazing! I'd love to know what you used for curriculum during their journey!

[Ellie]

8 hours ago, Servant4Christ said:

Wow, that's amazing! I'd love to know what you used for curriculum during their journey!

We were unschoolers, for the most part. Younger dd wasn't reading at her age level until she was 9.5yo. We dabbled with Saxon and Writing Strands, did KONOS for two years, younger dd completed Easy Grammar. We started hsing in 1982--in fact, it was 40 years ago this month. 😮 I'm not as smart as SWB, so I didn't come up with my own amazing method for doing things. I read all of John Holt's books and most of his newsletters (at that point, almost 30 of them); perhaps if I'd read TWTM (which had not yet been written, so there's that) our homeschool experience might have been different. 🙂

[bookbard]

I've read the article twice and am still unsure if it's saying more than 'unschooling' - that is, child-led, interest-led, learning. If you're thinking of that for your daughter, why not? If you're not sure how to start, I highly recommend grabbing Lori Pickert's book 'Project Based Homeschooling' which isn't really about 'projects' but about encouraging children to take control of their own learning. 

My 11 year old spends her time researching genetics, writing a long novel with a bunch of friends online, and making digital art. I do make her do maths each day, and we're listening and discussing an audiobook in the car. She reads a wide range of books for pleasure. We watch random documentaries or interesting films and discuss them as a family. I think that covers it, esp when you think about how much you remember from your own schooling. 

[madteaparty]

We travelled around the world for 6 months when DS was in 8th. Learning definitely happened, it was just based on what we were seeing/experiencing as we went around. He even took an AP class and test that year, so not at all unschooling. 

[Quarter Note]

On 4/26/2022 at 8:56 PM, Jean in Newcastle said:

We went to a more project based schooling model for middle school. 

Thank you, Jean, and everyone else.  But my goal is for me to not be involved, and I don't think she's self-motivated enough to focus on a project, even of her own choosing.  I want her to be out of the house with others, and so I'm intrigued by what sounds to me like an "eighth grade internship".  We already have her signed up for three online classes next year, but that's not going to keep her busy.

Didn't SWB once say something along the lines of, "All eighth graders should be sent to work on a farm for a year."  If I could figure out a way to get her active and outside for the whole year, I'd do it.

[Quarter Note]

On 4/28/2022 at 4:11 AM, madteaparty said:

We travelled around the world for 6 months when DS was in 8th. Learning definitely happened, it was just based on what we were seeing/experiencing as we went around. He even took an AP class and test that year, so not at all unschooling. 

Oh, madteaparty, I'd do this in a heartbeat if it were possible.  But I need my husband to have his job at the end of it.

[Miss Tick]

35 minutes ago, Quarter Note said:

Oh, madteaparty, I'd do this in a heartbeat if it were possible.  But I need my husband to have his job at the end of it.

I don't think her dh was with them for most of it. If your dd's classes are online maybe you could do something for part of the year....

[madteaparty]

12 hours ago, SusanC said:

I don't think her dh was with them for most of it. If your dd's classes are online maybe you could do something for part of the year....

He was not. This was in some ways freeing as I could do stuff like stay in hostels etc which he would not consent to. 

[Quarter Note]

7 hours ago, madteaparty said:

He was not. This was in some ways freeing as I could do stuff like stay in hostels etc which he would not consent to. 

Ah.  I'd still never go without my husband, though.  I couldn't imagine wandering through a Gothic cathedral or the Mendelssohn Haus without my best friend to share it with.  We'll find something else!

But I'm definitely envious of your trip.  What wonderful memories you and your must have!

[Tmhearn]

I have one who also started a community college class at 14. Rather than an 8th grade year spent unschooling, he just skipped 8th grade. 🙂 

Like Ellie mentioned, school for 12 years is not necessary for every child. Some years do seem to be catch-up type of years. My son has a September birthday. We started him "early" for school - meaning he would have had to wait another year for kindergarten at the local public school, but we homeschooled. He attended a hybrid school from 5th grade on. He then skipped the 8th grade and just started taking high school classes that year (he was 13 the whole school year). This year he was 14 at the start of the year, which was his 2nd year of high school, so 10th grade. He dual-enrolled for 1 class at a local community college to see how it went. No problems. I will say, that my older child would not have been comfortable going to an in-person class at a community college at 14. So, I think it all depends on the kid.

Eighth grade seems like a great time to explore interests and deviate from the traditional path - especially if you feel that your kid is on track academically (whatever that means to your family). If they aren't on track, you can always assign them a course for whatever needs shoring up and let them make decisions for other areas.

Taryn

 

[Sneezyone]

We basically did an unschooling year last year (DS's 7th grade year) during COVID. No regrets. DS read til his heart overflowed and maintained in math (no forward progress to speak of). It did wonders for his mental health and set him up to go back to school and rock the joint where so many of his peers were burned out and stressed. He slept. He ate. He grew. All good. We did just take DS and encourage him to sign up for volunteer opportunities. We're within biking/straight-line bus distance of several options. There's a Web site called JUSTSERVE where you can find local opportunities and sort by areas of interest.

Edited May 10, 2022 by Sneezyone

[Quarter Note]

On 5/3/2022 at 6:03 PM, Quarter Note said:

Didn't SWB once say something along the lines of, "All eighth graders should be sent to work on a farm for a year."  If I could figure out a way to get her active and outside for the whole year, I'd do it.

Quoting myself because I found the quote in Chp 16 of Rethinking School:

"'You know what I should have done?' a friend of mine (a qualified RN, mother of three boys, stepmother of two more) confided in me.  'Just let them work and earn money in sixth and seventh grade, and then go back.  I don't think any learning happened those two years.  Their brains were in the wrong place.' In your thought experiment, no schooling has to happen when adolescent hormones are at their height.  Those boys could pick fruit, or practice programming, or work on a ranch, or learn how to cook."

I guess what I'm most interested in is getting my kid out.

[wendyroo]

1 hour ago, Quarter Note said:

Quoting myself because I found the quote in Chp 16 of Rethinking School:

"'You know what I should have done?' a friend of mine (a qualified RN, mother of three boys, stepmother of two more) confided in me.  'Just let them work and earn money in sixth and seventh grade, and then go back.  I don't think any learning happened those two years.  Their brains were in the wrong place.' In your thought experiment, no schooling has to happen when adolescent hormones are at their height.  Those boys could pick fruit, or practice programming, or work on a ranch, or learn how to cook."

I guess what I'm most interested in is getting my kid out.

My son will be in 8th next year. I have looked high and low and cannot find any opportunities for him to work/volunteer until he turns 14...which will be at the tail end of his 8th grade year.

But he will be "out" a lot next year:
 - 4 hour weekly Nature Class
 - 2 hour weekly Board Game Club
 - Bi-Weekly Action Sports class
 - 1 full day each week taking electives at the public school (Escape Room, Choice Based Art, Drawing, and PE)
 - 3 hours weekly small group Spanish tutoring
 - 2 hours acting as a teaching assistant in the younger Spanish classrooms

[Jean in Newcastle]

2 hours ago, Quarter Note said:

Quoting myself because I found the quote in Chp 16 of Rethinking School:

"'You know what I should have done?' a friend of mine (a qualified RN, mother of three boys, stepmother of two more) confided in me.  'Just let them work and earn money in sixth and seventh grade, and then go back.  I don't think any learning happened those two years.  Their brains were in the wrong place.' In your thought experiment, no schooling has to happen when adolescent hormones are at their height.  Those boys could pick fruit, or practice programming, or work on a ranch, or learn how to cook."

I guess what I'm most interested in is getting my kid out.

We did lots of field trips and camps and projects. My kids had their own part time entrepreneurial businesses. But laws do prohibit us from just sending our kids out to work and not schooling them at all. 

[Quarter Note]

22 minutes ago, Jean in Newcastle said:

We did lots of field trips and camps and projects. My kids had their own part time entrepreneurial businesses. But laws do prohibit us from just sending our kids out to work and not schooling them at all. 

Jean, I'm sorry I'm giving the wrong impression.  I've messed this up.  Of course I do not mean that I would not school my kid.  I'm pretty serious about this whole Classical education thing!

What I'm really trying to do is to widen what "homeschooling" means for our family.  We already have her signed up for three online classes.  It seems that the public school system refuses to flex with homeschoolers, so that rules out any extra-curriculars she could take or even doing part-time public school.  But I want her to start being accountable to others.  I'm happy with the academics that we've done and that we will continue to do, but for the sake of our relationship, I don't want to be the primary teacher anymore.  If I suggest a field trip or camp or project, she will reject it out of hand.  

But I hope that I did not give the impression that I was just sending her out to work.  I've read too much Dickens to do that!  🙂

Everyone, please know that I love this girl very much.  I'm not just trying to get rid of her.  But because she is stretching her wings so much, I'm trying to find more ways for her to do that while still giving her a carefully crafted alternative education that will be just right for her.  I just started this thread to think about more options.

Edited May 17, 2022 by Quarter Note
clarification

[Porridge]

2 minutes ago, Quarter Note said:

Jean, I'm sorry I'm giving the wrong impression.  I've messed this up.  Of course I do not mean that I would not school my kid.  I'm pretty serious about this whole Classical education thing!

What I'm really trying to do is to widen what "homeschooling" means for our family.  We already have her signed up for three online classes.  It seems that the public school system refuses to flex with homeschoolers, so that rules out any extra-curriculars she could take or even doing part-time public school.  But I want her to start being accountable to others.  I'm happy with the academics that we've done and that we will continue to do, but for the sake of our relationship, I don't want to be the primary teacher anymore.  If I suggest a field trip or camp or project, she will reject it out of hand.  

But I hope that I did not give the impression that I was just sending her out to work.  I've read too much Dickens to do that!  🙂

Everyone, please know that I love this girl very much.  I'm not just trying to get rid of her.  But because she is stretching her wings so much, I'm trying to find more ways for her to do that while still giving her a carefully crafted alternative education that will be just right for her.

@Quarter Notei have had similar thoughts. Mine is a rising 9th grader. I have thought about having her find a part time job in order to help her gain confidence and experience real responsibility. We don’t have good options for part  time school or extra curriculars through the school district either. I feel like i have tried and tried but have found it really challenging to get my child “out.” She does a lot of “stuff,” but hasn’t found a place where she feels socially at home. 

My DD is tentatively planning to try brick and mortar public high school next year, but she is unsure. I have thought about pseudo- unschooling high school. We have talked about how much more flexibility she would have if she homeschools high school.

8th grade seems like a great year year to to non traditional school- the stakes a are low!

[Jean in Newcastle]

9 minutes ago, Quarter Note said:

Jean, I'm sorry I'm giving the wrong impression.  I've messed this up.  Of course I do not mean that I would not school my kid.  I'm pretty serious about this whole Classical education thing!

What I'm really trying to do is to widen what "homeschooling" means for our family.  We already have her signed up for three online classes.  It seems that the public school system refuses to flex with homeschoolers, so that rules out any extra-curriculars she could take or even doing part-time public school.  But I want her to start being accountable to others.  I'm happy with the academics that we've done and that we will continue to do, but for the sake of our relationship, I don't want to be the primary teacher anymore.  If I suggest a field trip or camp or project, she will reject it out of hand.  

But I hope that I did not give the impression that I was just sending her out to work.  I've read too much Dickens to do that!  🙂

Everyone, please know that I love this girl very much.  I'm not just trying to get rid of her.  But because she is stretching her wings so much, I'm trying to find more ways for her to do that while still giving her a carefully crafted alternative education that will be just right for her.  I just started this thread to think about more options.

I had a very similar girl.  And I know that you (like me) love your girl very much.  I'm just pointing out that I was limited by volunteer requirements for age and hours, employment requirements for age and hours and the like.  But we used them as much as we could.  I did misunderstand your desire to outsource education itself though.  I think that might be easier to find just because society offers more choices in that area but for us, money limited what we could do. 

[Ema]

I like this idea. But I live in a state that has a long list of required subjects to be taught, which, though my state doesn’t say when or how often they should be taught, HSLDA recommends teaching every subject once every year. What with the record keeping and documents, it almost seems like “eighth grade out” may end up being more work for me than a normal school year. I have a year, though, to think on it. I’d welcome thoughts on how to record things like  “class schedules, copies of materials used for instruction, and descriptions of methods used to assess student achievement,”   for subjects like citizenship, PE, and economics on a roadtrip or working on my parents’ farm. 

[Jean in Newcastle]

26 minutes ago, Ema said:

I like this idea. But I live in a state that has a long list of required subjects to be taught, which, though my state doesn’t say when or how often they should be taught, HSLDA recommends teaching every subject once every year. What with the record keeping and documents, it almost seems like “eighth grade out” may end up being more work for me than a normal school year. I have a year, though, to think on it. I’d welcome thoughts on how to record things like  “class schedules, copies of materials used for instruction, and descriptions of methods used to assess student achievement,”   for subjects like citizenship, PE, and economics on a roadtrip or working on my parents’ farm. 

I don't live in such a high documentation state but I did keep some records for high school transcripts for less traditional classes.  Classes we did nontraditionally were art, robotics, photography, Japanese.  I kept a record of materials that we checked out of the library, of educational/instructional websites that we used, of projects that were done, of blogs or journals kept, field trips taken etc.  These were nontraditional in the sense that we didn't sit down with a textbook/ workbook with lectures and assignments.  They were student led classes (with the exception of Japanese which was led by me, a fluent speaker, but with more flexibility because I only had one student). 

We also did a number of Oak Meadow classes which are heavy on projects instead of the usual pencil/paper assignments. 

[Ema]

1 hour ago, Jean in Newcastle said:

I don't live in such a high documentation state but I did keep some records for high school transcripts for less traditional classes.  Classes we did nontraditionally were art, robotics, photography, Japanese.  I kept a record of materials that we checked out of the library, of educational/instructional websites that we used, of projects that were done, of blogs or journals kept, field trips taken etc.  These were nontraditional in the sense that we didn't sit down with a textbook/ workbook with lectures and assignments.  They were student led classes (with the exception of Japanese which was led by me, a fluent speaker, but with more flexibility because I only had one student). 

We also did a number of Oak Meadow classes which are heavy on projects instead of the usual pencil/paper assignments. 

Could you tell me how you kept those records? Did you just type up a word document? How was it structured? Did you keep “grades” and if so, how did you determine the grade for those non-traditional classes? I have written up course descriptions for some classes we have done, but since my oldest is just going into ‘7th grade,’ I haven’t done a lot of higher level record keeping.

[Jean in Newcastle]

26 minutes ago, Ema said:

Could you tell me how you kept those records? Did you just type up a word document? How was it structured? Did you keep “grades” and if so, how did you determine the grade for those non-traditional classes? I have written up course descriptions for some classes we have done, but since my oldest is just going into ‘7th grade,’ I haven’t done a lot of higher level record keeping.

I typed up a course description. (I got a template for one and filled it in. I would have to dig to find one that I could link). But part of it includes a bibliography of materials used. For projects and papers I used a grading rubric to try and keep it from being too subjective. Math and subjects where there are clear right or wrong answers had a letter grade based on a percentage based on right/ total answers. 

[Ema]

I haven’t had to make up my own grading rubric yet, and I feel at a complete loss when I think of doing so. I will have to check out some samples. I was telling DH about the “eighth grade out” year and he isn’t sold. He thinks it would simply be avoiding the problem of hormonal kids. I am curious if the you all who have done this did a year of 8th grade and then had a complete year of “outness,” or if you just made the 8th grade year more of an “out” year and then jumped into 9th grade. I read a couple different articles with differing views on what an “out” year would look like.
 

[Ema]

20 hours ago, Jean in Newcastle said:

 

We also did a number of Oak Meadow classes which are heavy on projects instead of the usual pencil/paper assignments. 

I have never looked at Oak Meadow, but will check out their site. Thanks for the thoughts.

[Jean in Newcastle]

2 hours ago, Ema said:

I have never looked at Oak Meadow, but will check out their site. Thanks for the thoughts.

There were things we really liked about Oak Meadow. It’s great for a kinesthetic hands-on learner like mine was. But their social science classes especially have a very strong bias. My teenager noticed it and we spent a lot of time talking about it. (I was grading her work instead of having Oak Meadow do it so we could tweak things a bit as a result). The bias is a Waldorfian anti-technology bias. Which has its pros and cons. 

[PeterPan]

On 4/26/2022 at 10:53 PM, Quarter Note said:

"life-changing".   

Ok, so I haven't read Rethinking, my bad. Guess I could see if the library has it, not sure why I never did. I think she made a comment about autism that didn't reflect where we were at the time and I gave up. 

Anyways, first this is NOT a new concept and people talk all the time about a last fling, having some fun before high school, etc. So I reread (well skimmed) that article a few times trying to figure out what the guy was espousing or what his real goals were. He talks about finding themselves and knowing what they want, but that's kinda hogwash for a lot of kids. There are many kids who are 18 or 20 (and adults, haha) who have no clue. Some people are just going to WORK A JOB and it's not going to be some kind of romantic experience.

When you see what he actually says he wants to see, he says the kids should come back energized. So they were burnt out from years of institutionalized learning and the limits of that and they need some time to live. Fine, but is that your kid's problem?

And better, why do we energize them only to do some kind of burnout style high school?? Isn't that a better question?

So the truth is, education is wasted on the young. Yes kids do better with real life experiences. Yes the age is crunchy and they need to do things that help them feel connected, hopeful, and that they're spreading their wings. We're traveling a lot this year. Like a LOT. Anything cheap I can find, haha. Zero regrets on that because it has allowed ds to spread his wings, find connections with others, and practice his skills outside the confines he was used to. I made his world BIG. 

But did that result in my ds saying he knows what he wants to do with his life and what he wants to learn? Not, haha. Snort, snort. It just helped him become a mentally stable, happy, hopeful human being at a really crunchy time. I think any mix you're doing that promotes mental health, positivity, fledgling independence, and making connections is a good thing. Know your goal and hit it. 🙂

[Quarter Note]

On 5/20/2022 at 9:00 AM, PeterPan said:

There are many kids who are 18 or 20 (and adults, haha) who have no clue. Some people are just going to WORK A JOB and it's not going to be some kind of romantic experience.

Oh, of course.  I'm past fifty and am still changing my mind what I want to do when I grow up.  😉  But I've still got a kid who won't work with me any more, and... 

Edited:  @PeterPan, I agree with you about this.  Sorry my words came out wrong.

 

On 5/20/2022 at 9:00 AM, PeterPan said:

And better, why do we energize them only to do some kind of burnout style high school?? Isn't that a better question?

...this is exactly what I'm trying to avoid.  

Edited May 31, 2022 by Quarter Note
clarification

[Hunter]

I homeschooled my younger child from 5th grade until college, but my older child finished 5th grade in public school and was in a new charter school for 6th and 7th. I pulled him from the charter school for 8th grade with the intention of sending him to the local high school for 9th grade.

My oldest did not want me to teach him, and wanted a secular correspondence school. We enrolled him in American School for a GENERAL Diploma which he was academically prepared for, and wrote "N/A Homeschooled" when the application required proof of 8th grade graduation. In reality I lied and he just skipped 8th grade. By spring of what would have been his 8th grade year, he started the equivalent of the 10th grade and had a job. We decided not to enroll him in the local high school after all.

He finished high school two years early, despite working more than studying. He started putting himself through college at 16 years old. He graduated with his AS in Business just after his 19th birthday with no students debt and a small nest egg of savings and joined some friends on the other side of the country. He did not get a classical education, but he did things his way, and I have no regrets at all. I don't know what would have happened if he did a traditional 8th grade year. It scares me to think about it.

This boy needed to work. The type of work that makes boys sweat and bleed and cry.  The type of work that turns boys into to men. We broke laws. We got away with it. This son called me on Mother's Day this year, and I cried in gratefulness that everything worked out as well as it did for him. We all made our mistakes, but it could have turned out SO SO SO much worse.

[PeterPan]

6 hours ago, Quarter Note said:

But I've still got a kid who won't work with me any more, and... 

Sorry, back up. Do you know *why* the dc won't work with you anymore? I mean, my ds can be a pain in the butt, but he has diagnosed ASD2, meaning it's not a shock. There can be a lot of reasons kids are hard to work with or completely bucking the work. Solution kinda depends on the reason. 

 

On 5/17/2022 at 3:39 PM, Quarter Note said:

Quoting myself because I found the quote in Chp 16 of Rethinking School:

"'You know what I should have done?' a friend of mine (a qualified RN, mother of three boys, stepmother of two more) confided in me.  'Just let them work and earn money in sixth and seventh grade, and then go back.  I don't think any learning happened those two years.  Their brains were in the wrong place.' In your thought experiment, no schooling has to happen when adolescent hormones are at their height.  Those boys could pick fruit, or practice programming, or work on a ranch, or learn how to cook."

I guess what I'm most interested in is getting my kid out.

Out of where? They're homeschooled now? My ds is legally homeschooled, but he does small odd jobs for us (watering, spreading mulch, weed wacking, etc.). And yes as he's growing a LOT right now we've been doing a lot more life and less formal academics. 

 

On 5/17/2022 at 6:50 PM, Quarter Note said:

What I'm really trying to do is to widen what "homeschooling" means for our family.  We already have her signed up for three online classes.  It seems that the public school system refuses to flex with homeschoolers, so that rules out any extra-curriculars she could take or even doing part-time public school.  But I want her to start being accountable to others.  I'm happy with the academics that we've done and that we will continue to do, but for the sake of our relationship, I don't want to be the primary teacher anymore.  If I suggest a field trip or camp or project, she will reject it out of hand.

Have you talked with a lawyer? It seems completely unreasonable for a US public school to refuse partial enrollment if you pay taxes. You PAY for the service. Some states have had to pass laws to make this happen. It's possible your district is working on their own opinion. You might want to talk to your state senator. Seriously. One well placed call and sometimes boom, all of a sudden things happen. Or maybe they need legislation. This would have me calling my senator as it's outrageous. 

So then another question. Have you taken her in to make sure you're not dealing with clinical depression? That's how it would present. If you are *certain* there's no depression, ADHD, anxiety, or any other clinical contributing factor (which there very well might be), then I'd just enroll her and move on. Life is too short to screw around with kids who aren't listening. Sometimes they need the herd effect and a bit of reality. But I'd be concerned something clinical needs attention. Rejecting previously preferred activities is not a good thing. I'd just be very careful to make sure you're being very thorough about the explanations for the behavior.

I think it's very obvious you love your dc and are doing your best!!! If she has something clinical going on that needs some attention, it doesn't really matter who is working with her or how much you widen your homeschooling. Mental health and other issues have to be dealt with, and this is an age with so much flux that they sometimes become obvious. Self awareness and self advocacy are important things to be nurturing at this age.