BakersDozen Posted April 13, 2022 Share Posted April 13, 2022 I received this message from my mom the day before she left for 2 months or so to again visit friends back East. She arrived back here from a very lengthy trip (over 6 months), before which we rarely saw her unless she needed something from me. And those few times were not pleasant as far as her behavior. Upon her arrival back she came over one time because her friend was in town and wanted to meet the grandkids. Other than that evening, we have neither seen nor heard from my mom. She knows she is welcome to come by and, as always, read with kids or play a game or just hang out at the hockey rink with us. She gave us not one single second of her time for a month. Which is fine - it's her choice and none of us are exactly upset by this. 😉 But then this message came through and...well...I'll not share my thoughts until I hear from the Hive. I have not responded to her, fwiw. For those who are not familiar with my mom, she lives 2 streets away. And she's a narcissist and just plain horrible. -------------------- "I won 4 days and 3 nights for 2 people in Carlsbad, CA any time before 2023. Since I'll want to visit a bit with G & family as long as I'm that close to them and have plenty of beach/fun time as well, the idea of making my "second person" one of my grandkids seems super fun! Or my grandkids' mother! I will drive instead of fly to insure I'll have a car while I'm there. I was thinking some time in August? So I'm inviting you or one of your kids. My preference is you. Give it some thought and let me know?" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lecka Posted April 13, 2022 Share Posted April 13, 2022 I would say no, and say I couldn’t get away. No way would one of my minor kids go. They also wouldn’t be able to get away. 13 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
YaelAldrich Posted April 13, 2022 Share Posted April 13, 2022 Golly, that sounds like such a treat for you! Congratulations! We're just so involved with X,Y, and Z none of us can get away. And you know how busy the rest of the family gets when so and so goes away! Your trip sounds delightful and please say hi to G and family for us! Bye! 16 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mlktwins Posted April 13, 2022 Share Posted April 13, 2022 Just nope!!! 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted April 13, 2022 Share Posted April 13, 2022 Wow - what a gracious invitation. That must make you feel all warm and fuzzy inside. Not only do you get a four day/three night stay with her - but a road trip! - how could you possibly refuse? (big, giant, eyeroll.) Too bad you're too busy. (and so are all the kids. . . . ) 8 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Grace Hopper Posted April 13, 2022 Share Posted April 13, 2022 No way! You’ll have to be straightforward about not being interested since she has a whole year to use the trip. Be ready to say that’s so thoughtful but we cannot commit, our own schedule has so many demands we would rather shoot for a time when our own nuclear family can all travel together sometime. Wouldn’t sally so-n-so be fun to bring, why don’t you ask her? You see what she’s doing here? She’s put you in a no-win situation. If you go you’ll be tortured for days, if a grandkid goes they’ll be indoctrinated for days, if neither of you go you’re mean for rebuffing her generosity. It would be wonderful if she’s truly changed her ways, but I’m skeptical about people who have the kind of track record you’ve described here for a long time. 13 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mommyoffive Posted April 13, 2022 Share Posted April 13, 2022 11 minutes ago, Grace Hopper said: No way! You’ll have to be straightforward about not being interested since she has a whole year to use the trip. Be ready to say that’s so thoughtful but we cannot commit, our own schedule has so many demands we would rather shoot for a time when our own nuclear family can all travel together sometime. Wouldn’t sally so-n-so be fun to bring, why don’t you ask her? You see what she’s doing here? She’s put you in a no-win situation. If you go you’ll be tortured for days, if a grandkid goes they’ll be indoctrinated for days, if neither of you go you’re mean for rebuffing her generosity. It would be wonderful if she’s truly changed her ways, but I’m skeptical about people who have the kind of track record you’ve described here for a long time. Yep. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lecka Posted April 13, 2022 Share Posted April 13, 2022 I don’t like the “grandkids’ mother” wording. From another person I’m sure I wouldn’t move! From someone who says backhanded things, it just seems backhanded. 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Grace Hopper Posted April 13, 2022 Share Posted April 13, 2022 19 minutes ago, Lecka said: I don’t like the “grandkids’ mother” wording. From another person I’m sure I wouldn’t move! From someone who says backhanded things, it just seems backhanded. Oh yeah that was not nice. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shawthorne44 Posted April 13, 2022 Share Posted April 13, 2022 (edited) Funny thing, I suspect that I know where she'll be going. We have 3 nights at the Hilton timeshare in Carlsbad, CA. It was pretty cheap, $250 for all three nights, plus parking of around $30/night. The three of us are going, but DD actually prefers a sofa. Cool thing is that it is next to Legoland with a special entrance. About what she said, if my mom said that I'd take it as a combo of joking and high praise. We get along great and she adores both me and DD. She had given up on having grandkids, so when DD came along she was over the moon and has stayed there. Your mom? Not so much. Edited April 13, 2022 by shawthorne44 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Faith-manor Posted April 13, 2022 Share Posted April 13, 2022 You mom! Hell no!!! Maybe I wouldn't say, "Hell no", but NO is a complete sentence. If pressed, and I felt like making an excuse I would say we already planned out and prepaid numerous family activities in August. However, I have learned with my narcissistic sister in law and enabling brother to just say " No" and end the conversation. They don't like it, but I don't really care. The conversation of it continues is never going to end well, and I don't need the stress. Nip it in the bud is my philosopjy, and the good news of that is that eventually they finally took the hint, and now they don't bother us. I get a text from my brother about four times a year usually Christmas, my birthday, Thanksgiving, and sometimes Easter. I respond politely but do not engage in conversation. It is soooooo much less stress. 3 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
almondbutterandjelly Posted April 13, 2022 Share Posted April 13, 2022 No, that won't work for us. Enjoy yourself! 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted April 13, 2022 Share Posted April 13, 2022 (edited) 1 hour ago, Grace Hopper said: You see what she’s doing here? She’s put you in a no-win situation. I This. She can use this trip over a period of months - so coming up with why you can't go in August won't end this. Don't give an excuse for why it "won't work for you". She will just argue about why your excuse is invalid. Just "so sorry, we won't be able to come. hope you have a good time.". rinse, repeat. Edited April 13, 2022 by gardenmom5 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cjzimmer1 Posted April 13, 2022 Share Posted April 13, 2022 Thanks for thinking of us but we won't be able to join you. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scholastica Posted April 13, 2022 Share Posted April 13, 2022 I might be inclined to make a pro and con list and leave it where she could find it. 😉 3 2 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BakersDozen Posted April 13, 2022 Author Share Posted April 13, 2022 I can see that my reaction/response is in line with what you all have posted. I laughed and winced and felt anger in what seemed like the span of just a few seconds. Mostly I'm just shaking my head as to how she actually thinks this is a welcome invitation or that I would accept it either for myself or for just one of the kids. She's really...something. 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
saraha Posted April 13, 2022 Share Posted April 13, 2022 If she’s like my mom, she knows you won’t accept and then she can tell everyone “We’ll, I tried…” and she looks like the generous fun mom/grandma and you look like a shlub. My mom did exactly this right before the pandemic. She wanted to go on a trip and didn’t have anyone to go with so she tried to talk me into letting her take 1 kid so she wouldn’t be alone. When I said no, she told everyone I was a stick in the mud and won’t let her have fun with her grandkids and told the kids “Well I was going to take one of you on a great trip and your mom said no.” Yeah, the kids were not sad. No bleeping way 1 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kassia Posted April 13, 2022 Share Posted April 13, 2022 24 minutes ago, saraha said: If she’s like my mom, she knows you won’t accept and then she can tell everyone “We’ll, I tried…” and she looks like the generous fun mom/grandma and you look like a shlub. My mom did exactly this right before the pandemic. She wanted to go on a trip and didn’t have anyone to go with so she tried to talk me into letting her take 1 kid so she wouldn’t be alone. When I said no, she told everyone I was a stick in the mud and won’t let her have fun with her grandkids and told the kids “Well I was going to take one of you on a great trip and your mom said no.” Yeah, the kids were not sad. No bleeping way This is exactly what my mom and MIL used to do. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted April 13, 2022 Share Posted April 13, 2022 1 hour ago, BakersDozen said: I can see that my reaction/response is in line with what you all have posted. I laughed and winced and felt anger in what seemed like the span of just a few seconds. Mostly I'm just shaking my head as to how she actually thinks this is a welcome invitation or that I would accept it either for myself or for just one of the kids. She's really...something. They're not rational. My main narc is dead (I did not have a grave dance to the tune of ding dong the witch is dead. Aren't you all proud of me? I did laugh about it though. ;p), but my brother is alive . . . He's clueless. The things he says, the accusations he makes - and then he's surprised and mad that even his kids want nothing to do with him. (one is completely no contact. it's all their (2 different) mothers fault. they're narcissists/borderline. yeah. uh huh.) I live in dread he ever finds out my son is working at the same complex as him (hopefully, their paths never cross. Possible, - but my son is supposed to be all over the place, so . . .at least I doubt he'd recognize my son on sight. ) He will do things and he will think he is being helpful . . . . . . he's not, but he seriously thinks he is. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BakersDozen Posted April 13, 2022 Author Share Posted April 13, 2022 3 hours ago, saraha said: If she’s like my mom, she knows you won’t accept and then she can tell everyone “We’ll, I tried…” and she looks like the generous fun mom/grandma and you look like a shlub. Yes, I had that same thought. But then if she really wanted to try then she would have come over one time just to spend time w/the grandkids or me. One time that wasn't about her needing something. I am flabbergasted that she literally will not come TWO streets down but thinks I would drive how far to spend time w/her?? 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
prairiewindmomma Posted April 13, 2022 Share Posted April 13, 2022 3 hours ago, saraha said: If she’s like my mom, she knows you won’t accept and then she can tell everyone “We’ll, I tried…” and she looks like the generous fun mom/grandma and you look like a shlub. My mom did exactly this right before the pandemic. She wanted to go on a trip and didn’t have anyone to go with so she tried to talk me into letting her take 1 kid so she wouldn’t be alone. When I said no, she told everyone I was a stick in the mud and won’t let her have fun with her grandkids and told the kids “Well I was going to take one of you on a great trip and your mom said no.” Yeah, the kids were not sad. No bleeping way Yup, it's an attempt at a grand gesture that makes her look good and makes you look bad. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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