The term “maiden name”

[SKL]

Also I think this is a word usually used in conversation by the person whose name is being discussed.  As in, "Well you know, my maiden name was Zupider, so you can imagine how school was for me."  Or, "you might know me by my maiden name since I wasn't married when we were classmates."  If it's me using the word about myself, what's to be offended about?

And as a password reminder - what was your mom's maiden name.  It's more specific than "previous name" or whatever.  Useful.

This reminds me of a childhood memory.  My dad was asked a security question for some reason:  what is your mother-in-law's maiden name?  It sparked a whole discussion about why Granny had had 3 names that were all different from my mom's name.

[gardenmom5]

maiden name is "antiquated".  If that bother's you, fine.  I dont' think it's sexist by definition, just a throwback to historical usage.

 

if you want to use "family name" - use it.  I would suggest just be matter-of-fact about it.

[marbel]

5 hours ago, SKL said:

<snip>

I do notice that some forms are still asking for "maiden name."  It is a bit awkward for those of us whose maiden name is still our name.  But as long as the form accepts the same name in both fields, I don't care.

Just curious about this... most (if not all) demographic forms that I've come across that would ask for "maiden name" would also have a check box for married/single/etc. So, if one checks the "single" box, or has not changed their name after marriage, they would just leave the maiden name spot blank, right? I'm not sure how it's awkward? Not arguing with you, just not getting it. 

[Katy]

7 hours ago, fraidycat said:

When my friend and I were each other's "maid/matron of honor" a couple months apart at our weddings, we called each other "my best b!tch".  Is that better? 😂🤣

Was that on your wedding programs?  🤣

[fraidycat]

1 hour ago, Katy said:

Was that on your wedding programs?  🤣

I don't even remember if we even had programs, but no, it would have been "normal" on there, unfortunately. 

[Dmmetler]

Most official forms that care (records checks, etc) just ask for all names you have been known by (so DH, who temporarily changed the spelling of his name unofficially while a teen due to issues with his father, lists both spellings, My brother who goes by a shortened first name normally but his full name legally lists both, and I list all my variations, which basically is just adding my DH’s name and sometimes dropping my middle name.)

 

Honestly, it’s not something I get upset about either way. Possibly because I have too many people in my life who I have to keep up with their chosen names and pronouns, which in some cases change from day to day to pay attention to what the name I used before I was married is called. 

[ktgrok]

13 hours ago, Moonhawk said:

I think I told this one before, but here's my maiden name story for your enjoyment and my embarrassment! lol

We were newly married, I was 20 but DH was 24. We were at TJs buying groceries and he had decided to get some beer. At the register, the cashier (older guy) asks to see ID. "Oh, but he's buying." He told me that both of us needed to show ID. I said, "But we're married." And so he asked to see my ID and I showed it and he remarked that I wasn't 21 yet. And I said "But we're married, and it's for him." And he said, "Your names don't match." (I didn't change my last name, story for another time, lol).

And me, at this point flustered because I'm 20, newly married, and making a scene in a Trader Joes decides to explain, "That's my maiden name." Except that's not what I said. Instead, very loudly I blurt out, "It's my virgin name." 

At which point the guy just said, "Oh" and rang up the beer.

DH just says, "Ok...so...ok...."  in an attempt to fill the silence. 

I didn't go back to that TJ, the closest to our apt, for at least 5 years.

Anyway, all this to say, I think maiden name is a better term than what it could be, cough cough, lol.

This made my day!

[ktgrok]

FYI, i enjoy the term "matron" and am embracing my matronly status in life. 

[bibiche]

13 hours ago, frogger said:

 What is a guy's original last name called if he changes his name upon marriage? 

Dont know if it has a name, but the men I know who have changed their names use Family name né previous family name or Family name (formerly other family name). 
 

I actually know more men who have changed their names than women. There is not a single woman of my acquaintance who has taken her husband’s name, though I do know two who have taken, along with spouses, a new family name.

[HS Mom in NC]

6 hours ago, gardenmom5 said:

maiden name is "antiquated".  If that bother's you, fine.  I dont' think it's sexist by definition, just a throwback to historical usage.

Yeah, historically, until very recently, the vast majority of women were married and took their husband's names in the US by their early 20s. (Probably with the exception of during and just after war years.) So it made sense in that context.  The relatively recent shift to later marriage and singleness by choice, divorce, remarriage rates, etc. calls for an update if you ask me.

Post 9/11 security issues means the number of name changes in some states is limited.  If I recall correctly, you can only legally change your name twice in NC. When you change it in AZ for a reason other than getting married or adopted, you have to go to court to explain why and sign something about it not being for fraud reasons.

[Janeway]

15 hours ago, Amethyst said:

I don’t want to de-rail the other thread. 
 

I can’t stand the term “maiden name” any more!  I’ve used the term for years, of course, but now it makes my skin crawl. Maiden…yuck. It sounds so sexist and antiquated. I’m starting to try out “what was your family name”. (Although honestly, haven’t had that many occasions). Does this bother anyone else?

It actually bothers me a lot. I actually do not use the term anymore. It is a sexist term. 

[fairfarmhand]

There are so many other things to get offended about, that this one doesn't rate in my world.

But, while we're on the topic, My Maiden name, or previous surname, or virgin name or birth name, or whatever you want to call the last name by which I went before I married, Is a relatively obscure name that in other cultures is sometimes used as a first name. My dd is planning on naming her baby boy that name. Which makes me pretty happy. 

[SKL]

4 hours ago, marbel said:

Just curious about this... most (if not all) demographic forms that I've come across that would ask for "maiden name" would also have a check box for married/single/etc. So, if one checks the "single" box, or has not changed their name after marriage, they would just leave the maiden name spot blank, right? I'm not sure how it's awkward? Not arguing with you, just not getting it. 

Online forms with required fields and signed certifications of truth/accuracy.

I actually don't remember the exact place this was last asked of me, just that it was an online form.  I think it was in the "mother" section of something for my kids.  And I don't recall if they asked my marital status or not.  I would think they don't need to know that.

Online forms are often illogical for those of us with non-traditional families.  There should be a way to get around mandated fields, since it would be unreasonable to expect the designers to foresee every possible permutation of family history.

[Condessa]

19 hours ago, Katy said:

I use surname.

But surname has a definition that is different from maiden name.  Wouldn’t you have to explain to someone that you were redefining the term every time you used it?  That sounds like a huge pain for you, and weirdly complicated.

[Katy]

3 hours ago, Condessa said:

But surname has a definition that is different from maiden name.  Wouldn’t you have to explain to someone that you were redefining the term every time you used it?  That sounds like a huge pain for you, and weirdly complicated.

“First surname?”

[SKL]

3 hours ago, Katy said:

“First surname?”

I hope that never becomes the standard term, because my kids would have to put their birth mother's surname in that spot, and that would really get confusing.

I think maiden name refers to the name you had right before you got married.  There are various reasons why this might not be one's first surname.

[SeaConquest]

Can't stand it. Almost as horrific as mail sent to Mr. and Mrs. His Name. Because, you know, she doesn't exist apart from his identity. Ick.

[Shoeless]

It feels awkward these days to say "maiden name". It's old fashioned and makes me think "virgin". It's just a little weird, but not weird enough that I am willing to do anything in particular about it. 

I have seen a question on some forms about "Other names you have used". Maybe that's a p.c. way of saying "maiden name" now?  I prefer to think they are asking me if I have a nom de plume or nom de guerre, or something else equally exciting 😁