Treasure in my backyard, parental regrets, and nature cravings

[marbel]

Rambling thoughts today.

For some reason the past few months, I have really been craving time to walk in the woods. I walk every day, but mostly just around my neighborhood, and I thought I was getting bored with that so I started going to other neighborhoods or to a 1-mile walking path in a local park for my daily walks. That was better, but I have come to realize it's not that I'm sick of walking my same suburban streets, it's that I want to be walking in the woods. 

So I started finding local places to hike. There are a lot of good places, but the treasure of the title is this big (1800 acre) park nearby. Over the 15 years we have lived here, we've been there a few times and explored some of it, but not much. Anyway, I've started going out there more, and... wow. It is such a wonderful place, with wild-ish areas and a big creek and uphill trails to meadows... 50 miles of trails.  With the trailhead farthest from my house no more than 30 minutes drive away (most are only 15 minutes). 

It's like a new discovery to me, after 15 years of living here!  So it's wonderful but also... I'm just so sad that during all those years of homeschooling we hardly ever went there, and even then just explored the very easiest, most accessible parts. I feel like I need to apologize to my kids for keeping this place from them. Even though I didn't really understand till now what a treasure it is.

And so my kids can go there (and we can sometimes go together) but ugh, so many missed opportunities! 

But I'm also wondering why I suddenly have this major craving to be out in the woods! I camped as a kid, and had a big yard with a forest and creek to roam around in but most of my life I've been pretty suburban. I've always enjoyed hiking but suddenly it's becoming so much more important to me. Rather than walk in my  neighborhood I have been going to parks and woods for my walks most mornings. It's become a need! I don't understand it but I'm not fighting it. 

There's no question really for anyone to answer and no help needed, just felt like putting this out there. Would welcome anyone's thoughts if this generates some, lol. 

Edited August 29, 2021 by marbel

[Lecka]

I feel like this about the Pioneer Woman books about her dog.  
 

They didn’t come out until my kids were too old for them!  
 

For me I just miss this stage.  
 

Thank God I feel peace about how my kids spent their little kid years, how present and involved I was, how often I took them to the park or the little zoo, etc.  

 

Even with that I still have new things or places I would like to have shared with them when they were at that stage of life.

 

 

[bibiche]

While I confess to being disappointed that you didn’t find an actual treasure in your literal back yard, I’m pleased to read that you’re rediscovering nature. The world’s a mess. Pretty normal, I think, to need to recharge in nature.

Maybe you can use your rediscovered interest in nature to bring more nature and more wonder into your own yard. Don’t use pesticides. Read Doug Tallamy. Plant some native species. Marvel at the wildlife they attract. If we all do just a tiny bit, perhaps we can all get a little closer to nature and learn to value it more. It doesn’t have to be separated from real life. 😊 

I’m glad you’re enjoying nature again. Also, no regrets - you can’t change the past, only the present and the future.

Edited August 29, 2021 by bibiche

[marbel]

1 minute ago, bibiche said:

While I confess to being disappointed that you didn’t find an actual treasure in your literal back yard, I’m pleased to read that you’re rediscovering nature. The world’s a mess. Pretty normal, I think, to need to recharge in nature.

Maybe you can use your rediscovered interest in nature to bring more nature and more wonder into your own yard. Don’t use pesticides. Read Doug Tallamy. Plant some native species. Marvel at the wildlife they attract. If we all do just a tiny bit, perhaps we can all get a little closer to nature and learn to value it more. It doesn’t have to be separated from real life. 😊 

I’m glad you’re enjoying nature again. Also, no regrets - you can’t change the past, only the present and the future.

Yep, already on that.  Been reading Doug Tallamy for a few years now and working on our backyard meadow. Getting our list ready for an upcoming native plant sale!  Maybe my craving for the forest is an extension of all that. 

I'm glad I did take my kids hiking and exploring, and gave them a love of nature. Just a little wistful about this wonderful place.

[rutheart]

I think it's a natural reaction to overpopulation, especially during a pandemic. Finding a place to get away from other humans is getting harder. It's not that people haven't lived densely before now, but even the suburbs are more dense, compared to a decade ago. The houses being built now around me (45 minutes from downtown) don't have lawns big enough to play in. Having a flower bed and a walking path around the new houses would be tight. A fire truck certainly couldn't get between the houses.

My pandemic hobby has been to look at real estate listings with acreage. I've lived my whole life in cities or suburban subdivisions, but I've suddenly had the itch to go rural. With my husband working at home and kids schooling at home, and doing just weekly curbside pickup of groceries and everything else ordered online, I feel like I'm living the rural lifestyle without having the benefits of privacy or a walking trail.

[Katy]

Idk about overpopulation, but time in nature lowers stress hormones dramatically.  In a stressful time I crave it too. 

[Carol in Cal.]

I’ve always been like that.  The evergreen forests here in CA are my true home.  There is no entertainment needed—just being there is enough.

[katilac]

1 hour ago, bibiche said:

 Read Doug Tallamy 

Which book would y'all recommend first? I'd like one that gives an overview on creating wilderness areas/animal support in your yard, rather than one that focuses strictly on one thing like native species in detail. 

[marbel]

51 minutes ago, katilac said:

Which book would y'all recommend first? I'd like one that gives an overview on creating wilderness areas/animal support in your yard, rather than one that focuses strictly on one thing like native species in detail. 

Bringing Nature Home is where we started and really got us inspired to start moving away from suburban lawn. 

[Ottakee]

What a treasure to find in your backyard.  Nature is so calming and healing 

[bibiche]

3 hours ago, katilac said:

Which book would y'all recommend first? I'd like one that gives an overview on creating wilderness areas/animal support in your yard, rather than one that focuses strictly on one thing like native species in detail. 

https://awaytogarden.com/how-conservation-starts-in-your-yard-doug-tallamy-on-natures-best-hope/
 

Either his first or this one. There are also tons of articles and videos floating around. And he has spawned a new generation of researchers. I’ll try to swing back with some more links.

[KungFuPanda]

You can't always win.  I made a point of getting my kids out in nature and I turned them both against camping.  Apparently they both hit their quota by middle school and have no desire to spend entire days out in nature.  THIS is why women need friends.  My hiking buddies are happy to camp with me even if my kid's aren't.

[marbel]

Oddly, my son got turned off camping and hiking for a while because of his involvement in Boy Scouts. His troop repeated the same activities year after year, and he got bored. It took a few years for him to recover and he enjoys hiking again.  

Both kids were home tonight so I did tell them about my discoveries. They were like "it's OK mom, you took us to a lot of places, and we can still go there." I mean they are adults now and can go whenever they like. So anyway I guess they are not scarred. 🤣

[regentrude]

9 hours ago, KungFuPanda said:

You can't always win.  I made a point of getting my kids out in nature and I turned them both against camping.  Apparently they both hit their quota by middle school and have no desire to spend entire days out in nature.  THIS is why women need friends.  My hiking buddies are happy to camp with me even if my kid's aren't.

We hiked, rock climbed, camped, and backpacked a LOT with the kids, and by teenage, they had their fill and were no longer interested. BUT DD24 now got her bf into rock climbing and hiking, and they bought camping gear and want to backpack. And DS22 recently joined us on a hiking vacation with his gf. Both kids have explicitly expressed that they are grateful we exposed them to all of this and think it's very cool, even though they complained  as teens 🙂 Just wait a few years

[KungFuPanda]

5 minutes ago, regentrude said:

We hiked, rock climbed, camped, and backpacked a LOT with the kids, and by teenage, they had their fill and were no longer interested. BUT DD24 now got her bf into rock climbing and hiking, and they bought camping gear and want to backpack. And DS22 recently joined us on a hiking vacation with his gf. Both kids have explicitly expressed that they are grateful we exposed them to all of this and think it's very cool, even though they complained  as teens 🙂 Just wait a few years

But my kids are 21 and 24. 🤣 I think I accidentally raised city kids. 

[TexasProud]

9 hours ago, KungFuPanda said:

You can't always win.  I made a point of getting my kids out in nature and I turned them both against camping.  Apparently they both hit their quota by middle school and have no desire to spend entire days out in nature.  THIS is why women need friends.  My hiking buddies are happy to camp with me even if my kid's aren't.

Yep, we live on 50 acres that has tons of woods. We took the kids camping a ton.  All three want to live in the city and be as far from nature as possible LOL.  My youngest just told us the other day about how much she hates nature trails.  So, OP, don't have any regrets. 

And @regentrude mine are 19, 24 and 26. 

Edited August 30, 2021 by TexasProud

[regentrude]

2 hours ago, KungFuPanda said:

But my kids are 21 and 24. 🤣 I think I accidentally raised city kids. 

Mine actually both live in large cities and love it... but still, after a few years, they discovered that nature is nice, too 🙂

[wintermom]

OP, you gave your dc a positive taste of the possibilities in nature and now they can have the fun of exploring more on their own if and when they want. I think that's about all we can do as parents.

If you had made them fearful or disrespectful of nature, that might be something to regret, IME. 

[marbel]

53 minutes ago, wintermom said:

OP, you gave your dc a positive taste of the possibilities in nature and now they can have the fun of exploring more on their own if and when they want. I think that's about all we can do as parents.

If you had made them fearful or disrespectful of nature, that might be something to regret, IME. 

Yes, that is true.

It's not really a major regret, just more like... wow, we had this fantastic place to explore so close to home! Why didn't we?  

But yeah, we did explore other places; it's not as if they were bereft of opportunities. And it's also fun to discover new places as an adult. My daughter loves taking me to places she has found - in the city and in nature.  (I hated Philadelphia till she started taking the train into the city to meet up with her boyfriend, made her discoveries, and then got me on the train with her sometimes go show me around.) 

Edited August 30, 2021 by marbel

[Jenny in Florida]

3 hours ago, KungFuPanda said:

But my kids are 21 and 24. 🤣 I think I accidentally raised city kids. 

You never know.

My 26-year-old daughter, who actively resisted anything outdoors beginning around age 11 and who moved herself to NYC at age 19, has recently started hiking and camping. When she was down here visiting several months ago, one of the outings we planned was to REI, where we bought hiking shoes and bonded over browsing the camping supplies section. She has since made use of my membership to buy lots more stuff. 

We were loosely planning to do a section hike on the Appalachian Trail this fall, but had to postpone for health/pandemic/academic scheduling reasons. 

[lauraw4321]

Being in the woods has been shown to boost natural killer cell production in people and lower stress hormones.  In other words, it's like medicine. So enjoy and support your body's craving. 

[wintermom]

10 hours ago, marbel said:

Yes, that is true.

It's not really a major regret, just more like... wow, we had this fantastic place to explore so close to home! Why didn't we?  

But yeah, we did explore other places; it's not as if they were bereft of opportunities. And it's also fun to discover new places as an adult. My daughter loves taking me to places she has found - in the city and in nature.  (I hated Philadelphia till she started taking the train into the city to meet up with her boyfriend, made her discoveries, and then got me on the train with her sometimes go show me around.) 

That is awesome! That must be so fun to have your daughter share her discoveries with you. 😃

[bibiche]

On 8/29/2021 at 9:26 PM, bibiche said:

https://awaytogarden.com/how-conservation-starts-in-your-yard-doug-tallamy-on-natures-best-hope/
 

Either his first or this one. There are also tons of articles and videos floating around. And he has spawned a new generation of researchers. I’ll try to swing back with some more links.

Oops, forgot about this. Here’s a link to a study by one of Tallamy’s former doctoral students https://marylandgrows.umd.edu/2018/12/14/survival-of-baby-chickadees-declines-in-yards-with-less-than-70-native-plants/  demonstrating that non-native plants can make up only 30% of the biomass before they start negatively impacting the environment. 😬 
 

https://www.lewisginter.org/doug-tallamy-productive-native-plants/