OT: picky eating issues.. please help

[michaeljenn]

Hi,

 

I am sitting here making a menu for the coming week and it almost has me in tears. All 5 kiddo's are very picky eaters, not to mention the hubby:tongue_smilie: My 4yo is the worst. She hardly eats anything. Seriously, her diet consists of cereal, pizza rolls, and yogurt. She will not try anything else. When we go head to head on this issue and I force her to try something, she will gag and almost throw up. She is spoiled, this I know. How did I arrive here:confused: I would love some wisdom from ladies who may have dealt with this before!! Should I only give her what we are having...(including the rest of the household too) and just let her starve???

 

If the kiddo's do not like what we were having, they take a few bite, pick at it and then a few hours later, BEG for some cereal or waffles because they were hungry. They say, I did eat dinner, but I am still hungry. I have given in so many times, that I know I have created this problem. I am just unsure how to get myself out of it!

 

Thanks,

Jennifer

[Chris in VA]

I know there are a lot of threads about this--do a search about 2-3 weeks ago and I think you'll find one.

 

One small bit of advice--do your kids have sensory issues? The gagging makes me wonder.

 

Personally, I don't believe in fixing special meals, but I also don't do the clean plate thing. We simply try not to have junk in the house, so that every choice is a healthy choice. I don't believe a healthy child will starve herself to death. I also believe in drawing the line on manipulative behavior. I put everything on everyone's plate, and it's their choice to eat it or not. If they don't eat, I remind them gently, "Remember, if you choose not to eat it, you are choosing to be hungry later." Then I leave off and just let them choose. Kitchen is closed after dinner (well, not now--I'm not going to regulate a 19 yo's intake, and my other child at home isn't picky).

 

Anyway, I think the way out of your situation is simply to stop placating your kids, live with the discomfort of their whining w/o giving in, and serve only what you want them to eat. Unfortunately, you have set up a power struggle, and if you do that, you have to win. If you can remove yourself and not get into a power struggle, then everyone wins. But you have to decide what battle you want to pick--no battle is best, isn't it? But what does constantly giving in do to you and to them?

 

Kids seem to choose one of 3 areas to struggle with parents about--bathroom, eating and sleeping. We can't make them poop, eat or sleep, but we can keep taking them to the potty, serve only what is healthy, and keep taking them back to their rooms, or come up with other solutions. Lead a horse to water kinda thing. Eventually, a horse gets thirsty and a kid gets tired of being hungry.

[...................]

you said it yourself...they're spoiled. And, well, the only way to unspoil them is the hard way.

 

I spoiled my son until he was about 2 with food, and then my wise dh put a stop to it. My son would also gag and throw up and we would take the food away and put it in the fridge and he would have that later that night, or for breakfast the next morning.

 

There is a wonderful page in the book, "All of a Kind Family" where one of the girls decides she won't eat her soup. The mother has a wonderful little line that all her girls have memorized- no soup, no meat, no meat no veggies, no veggies, no bread, no bread, no dessert, no dessert, no penny. Her girls would get a penny every day after dinner, and it, along with good healthy nutrition, was a total and complete given in their home. I think since your children are already spoiled it would be a great idea to give them a nickel every day if they finish all their food groups without complaining. If they complain, say not a word, whisk the plate away, and put it in the fridge. Keep on gently reaheating it every meal until they eat it.

 

When we did this to my son he was only one year old. He would not eat hte rice and beans (and I am famous for delicious savory rice and beans). I was so upset I called my pastor, and he said, "in other countries, children eat before they starve to death and your son will do the same. Do not give in." My 1.5 year old skipped lunch, dinner, breakfast the next day, and lunch the next day and finally gave in at dinner time. He only had water and a tiny bit of milk here and there in all this time. Then he ate with such abandon that rice and beans has been his favorite meal ever since.

 

 

 

My son had a 2 year battle over meat. We spanked for certain behaviors and we saved food in the fridge for others, and he ate it the following morning, or whenever his stubborn will would give in. But now he eats everything on his plate- even though he still dislikes dark meat, I hear not a word, and sometimes, a wonder of wonders, he is excited to eat even dark meat, and thanks and compliments it. Especially if he is very hungry!

 

Never ever let them eat anything else unless they have eaten all the food groups and a good amount of it.

 

You can do it. It'll probably be pretty miserable around your house for about a month, but then they will realize mommy has their best interest in mind (and hers!) and isn't giving up.

 

As far as dh being picky, I would personally make him the exception- his mother spoiled him, but that doesn't mean you must do the same to your children's wives/husbands.

 

:)

Edited November 30, 2008 by Calming Tea

[Haiku]

If you don't have cereal, pizza rolls, and yogurt in the house, your kids will eventually have to branch out. I'd go full stop on these things for a while until they have increased their choices a bit. Dinner is what it is and they can eat it or not. No dinner, nothing later.

 

Now, I have a kid with sensory issues and I know that people get all up in arms about "forcing" kids to eat things they don't want. I get that. But no child is so hypersensitive that only cereal, pizza rolls, and yogurt can be consumed. That's habit.

 

How do you get yourself out of this? Don't give in anymore. It will take longer than people tell you it will to get them eating more, but it will happen. Be matter of fact. State the new rules, and then enforce them.

 

Also, give your kids an Omega-3 supplement. My child's eating habits improved noticeably when we started that.

 

Tara

[Snickerdoodle]

I have one with serious eating issues aka sensory problems with the mouth. It has been a process over time to get him to expand his diet because of the gagging problems. He is 7 and he, for the first time, took a bite of turkey this year. He would prefer to live on bread alone.

 

There is a balance about getting them to try new things and letting them forgo a meal. I made separate dinners for a long time (we also deal with food allergies and sometimes my dh and I just wanted something that he was allergic to). But now my picky, sensitive eater is slowly coming around. Baby steps.

 

Now, I am more and more making one dinner and it's an "eat it or go hungry" situation. I always include one thing I know he will eat (homemade buns). I am also including him in preparing some of the meals. Have you seen Mollie Katzen's cookbooks for kids? I do make breakfast and lunch that I know they will eat so that he is not completely starving.

 

Also, I am very big on them snacking on raw vegetables. This was a process that took time but now they will snack on many different kinds of raw veg. Make a dip and set out some cut vegetables and see how it goes. Start with cucumber as that's pretty mild. Also, celery with pb or creme cheese filling is another good one.

 

Our rule is that you may not like something but you may not say anything derogatory about it. You may say "yes, thank you" or "no, thank you."

 

One thing that I started pretty early on was bribery. I know it's really bad but with all his oral sensory motor problems I was not going to give in to his poor eating habits. He loves bread so at dinner he can have one part of a bun to eat with his dinner but if he wants more bread he has to take a certain number of bites of something, or finish it depending on the particular dish and his history with it.

 

It's a slow process but it can be done.

[BamaTanya]

I cannot control my dh. I have a kid with sensory issues (autism spectrum). I put food on the table and they can choose to eat it or not. They must sit with us while we eat, but they can make themselves a sandwich or bowl of cereal or crackers and peanut butter or something.

 

I tried being tough. My ds with Aspergers would starve himself or throw up if I made him eat something.

 

Dh's behavior was undermining my plan. He would sneak into the kitchen for snacks later.

 

It's not worth fighting with dh over. He's an adult and it's his house and his food. But it wasn't fair to make the kids eat something when their dad wouldn't either.

 

I gave up.

 

There ARE ways to solve this, but if your dh isn't on board, I think it's a losing battle.

 

I know this isn't encouraging. Just know I'm not throwing any stones at you. You do what works for your family.

 

As an aside, I was a VERY picky eater as a child. I didn't eat salad until I started dating and a salad came with a meal. Now I eat anything. *I* made a decision to include healthy foods. *I* wanted better nutrition. *I* didn't want to be embarrassed at friends' houses (some from other countries). Maybe you could address nutrition in your dc's education. Maybe you could prepare some little something along with the regular fare and brag about how this has this vitamin or mineral and we know how good that is for whatever . . . It worked for me as a teen!

 

:grouphug:

Edited November 30, 2008 by BamaTanya

[abbeyej]

Well, one simple thing you could do about the snacking after meals... Simply let them know that this (whatever you've served) is the meal. There will be no more food till the next meal. However, they may leave their plate on the table until the next meal, and if they get hungry, they may return to that plate at any point up until a half hour or so before the next meal. (For dinner, I would move table clean-up to just before getting ready for bed.)

 

No more snacks, no more desserts. If they don't eat a meal, they can either return to it later when they're hungry enough, or the next meal is coming in a few hours, with new choices (which may or may not be less loathsome than the first set).

 

I would absolutely forbid cereal and waffles etc between meals. If you can't stand only allowing them to return to the previous meal's food, you could choose to allow a couple of approved items like carrot sticks and apples. Something nourishing, but not as tempting as waffles and cereal or sweetened yogurts...

 

At meal times, rudeness about the food available means immediate expulsion from the table. They can spend the rest of the meal in their room, and return to the dinner later (alone), if they choose. Since this would be new, you might start with a single warning per child at each meal, then send them to their room on the second offense for the first few days.

 

I have one child who will happily eat all kinds of food. And I have another who has gone through fairly picky stages. I really do think the key is not to indulge that.

 

Now, if your kids are truly gagging, it may be *worth* investigating sensory disorders or food allergies... But it sounds to me like they just know they can have dessert food snacks (cereal, waffles) instead of real food, and they're manipulating you like crazy. :( I think by leaving their meals available, you reduce *your* guilt and worry that they may starve, and they see that sweet snacks are no longer available...

 

It may also help to post a meal plan for the week somewhere in your house. And incorporate your kids as fully as you can into the selection and preparation of healthy foods. Sometimes that ownership can help picky kids psych themselves up for the next meal...

[Ria]

I agree with Tara and Abbey. Stop buying yogurt, waffles, cereal, and other stuff like that. Make food. Serve food. Offer that food for snack if the kid is hungry.

 

I will say, as the others did, that if your dh is picky and if you are used to accomodating him, it's going to be difficult at best to solve this problem in your kids. HOwever, if your dh is at work during the weekdays, you can fight your battles then.

 

I have always cooked recipes according to the directions. I will not omit ingredients or decline to make something because someone might not (or does not) like it, including dh. My kitchen, my rules. As a result, after 23 years of marriage and six kids ages 11 - 19, I have a houseful of people who will gladly eat Thai food one night, Indian the next, vegetarian, sushi...you name it. I cook everything, and with rare exceptions, they eat everything. Pickiness is neither tolerated nor catered to around here. My pickiest child (ds 19) knows just pick out what he can tolerate if he's served something "unusual" lol. If it helps any, when I married dh he would eat meat, no seafood, corn, and green beans. Gad. I had my work cut out for me, eh? But I persevered - and today the only thing dh doesn't like (but will eat in moderation) are olives. Not bad!

 

Ria

[Ellie]

then don't buy the junk food, make good food and put it on the table. No discussion, no cajoling, no having to eat the food on their plates that they didn't eat at the last meal, just food on the table. Whatever they eat is all they get until the next meal. No snacks. Only water to drink at the meal.

 

Their future spouses will thank you.:D

 

My older dd couldn't bear potatoes in any form. I didn't make her eat them, but I also didn't make something else just for her, I didn't serve potatoes frequently, and I didn't discuss it. I did laugh quietly to myself years later when she decided to be vegan and do the McDougall thing, potatoes being a staple of McDougall :-)

[Storm Bay]

Some kids will starve themselves if you go the strict approach. Not only did my already thin dd once lose weight when I tried this method for six whole months, but I know of other children that have done this. Kids will not always eat enough when they're hungry--that's a huge myth that those who don't have such strong issues truly believe because it may be true for them. Some kids will, but not all.

 

Please bear in mind that some people are born with a much more acute sensory system than others, and this has finally been proven. Not just sensory issues, but also more sensitive to bitter things, hot things, smells, etc. Even as an adult who TRIED to like pickles because they look and smell so yummy, I cannot abide them. Or anything bitter, even a bit bitter.

 

The key is to know when it's because they're spoiled and when it's legitimate.

[Snickerdoodle]

It's true. I do have one of those who will starve himself; who didn't eat solid food until he was 5. That's why I believe it's a balancing act with feeding "safe" foods most of the time and getting them to branch out for one meal a day. It's definitely a work in progress.

 

You want food to be a source of joy and nourishment for them not a painful experience of manipulation, fear and anxiety.

[Rosie_0801]

Yeah, some charming children (er, like me) won't eat. My mother got all the usual advice about how I'd eat when I was hungry, but I didn't. When I got to the point where I was lying in bed, unable to even get up, she decided enough was enough and forced it down my throat. While I'm not exactly recommending this course of action, which could only be inflicted on toddler people anyway, I didn't go through another fussy phase until I got pregnant about 26 years later!

 

Rosie

[Jill]

yeah, ds with tactile defensiveness here. I recognized it early on esp with other senses and have made a lot of progress but... I tried the more strict approach of eating what is front of you but just ended up with a cranky, hungry obviously undernourished child in tears or gagging or whatever. Luckily I have only one ds and one dh with this issue not a passle. I have done nutrition study with ds several times over the last few years. It certainly helps him as he is analytical by nature and will process the facts and take them seriously. We drew out his own Food Pyramid on large newsprint and colored it and put stickers on and hung it on the wall. We refer to it frequently - we wrote the things he will eat and his exercises in the proper triangles (the new pyramid). That very visual key that shows he eats few fruits and veggies helped. He hasn't really added any in in a while but at least he will partake regularly the few things he will eat. He regularly tries broccoli like a champ as his father will eat lots of that. So far he does not like it but he does keep trying. Peer pressure sometimes helps but only if he is seriously hungry and even then a green bean will not pass his lips - but a variation on something familiar will be accepted. Also I have reassured him that I understand he likes things - not just food - the same way every time, that that is part of what makes him "him" but that it just won't be that way ever in real life. Even that little bit of understanding softens his defensive stance a bit. Patience over the long run and education are my best tools. - jill

[Margaret in GA]

One of my kids is really picky and I think in his case it is directly related to food allergies. He's 9 now and much better but during those trying periods two things I did made a huge difference. 1.) no sugar (Go ahead and serve waffles but there is to be no syrup or refined sugar of any kind-- not even inside the waffles themselves.) Use fruit juice to sweeten your baked goods, etc. 2.) Sneak veggies and fruits in-- thankfully my son drinks smoothies and I can put blueberries, strawberries, etc in there for vitamins. That way if your child doesn't eat dinner at least they've eaten something.

 

Good Luck!

Margaret

[Vanna]

Hi,

 

I am sitting here making a menu for the coming week and it almost has me in tears. All 5 kiddo's are very picky eaters, not to mention the hubby:tongue_smilie: My 4yo is the worst. She hardly eats anything. Seriously, her diet consists of cereal, pizza rolls, and yogurt. She will not try anything else. When we go head to head on this issue and I force her to try something, she will gag and almost throw up. She is spoiled, this I know. How did I arrive here:confused: I would love some wisdom from ladies who may have dealt with this before!! Should I only give her what we are having...(including the rest of the household too) and just let her starve???

 

If the kiddo's do not like what we were having, they take a few bite, pick at it and then a few hours later, BEG for some cereal or waffles because they were hungry. They say, I did eat dinner, but I am still hungry. I have given in so many times, that I know I have created this problem. I am just unsure how to get myself out of it!

 

Thanks,

Jennifer

 

I have 3 kids who have always had pretty good appetites so, I'll say from the outset I don't feel qualified to give advice on this subject, but I'll share something that helped my kids eat more of a variety of foods (eh, hem: fruits and veggies).

 

For dinner, if I'm serving a new food, I put a *taste* (two little pieces of veggie, fruit, or about a teaspoon sized serving) of it on the plate. The *taste* MUST be eaten (PM me if you want more details). After a while (eh, hem again, months and months of exposure), my children have developed an appreciation for the new food and will ask for more than just the taste (of course, this is not true of all foods).

 

HTH!

[Blessedfamily]

One small bit of advice--do your kids have sensory issues? The gagging makes me wonder.

 

Personally, I don't believe in fixing special meals, but I also don't do the clean plate thing. We simply try not to have junk in the house, so that every choice is a healthy choice. I don't believe a healthy child will starve herself to death. I also believe in drawing the line on manipulative behavior. I put everything on everyone's plate, and it's their choice to eat it or not. If they don't eat, I remind them gently, "Remember, if you choose not to eat it, you are choosing to be hungry later." Then I leave off and just let them choose. Kitchen is closed after dinner (well, not now--I'm not going to regulate a 19 yo's intake, and my other child at home isn't picky).

 

 

 

This is what I'm trying with my 5yo picky eater. If she doesn't want it, fine. Wait until next meal. By that's time she's really hungry and eats more. Actually, she's very happy with that.

 

I have finally come to realize this is a timing issue. She is not hungry when she wakes up. She gets hungry around 10:30 or 11 am.

 

With the supposed importance of breakfast for school work I wish she would eat it though.

 

At dinner, the battle resumes. Cutting down to very small portions has helped.

[NancyNellen]

Yep, I'm with Ria. No child will starve herself. When she is hungry she will eat what you offer. Just stop buying those items and it will be very easy not to give in.

[Storm Bay]

One of my kids is really picky and I think in his case it is directly related to food allergies. He's 9 now and much better but during those trying periods two things I did made a huge difference. 1.) no sugar (Go ahead and serve waffles but there is to be no syrup or refined sugar of any kind-- not even inside the waffles themselves.) Use fruit juice to sweeten your baked goods, etc. 2.) Sneak veggies and fruits in-- thankfully my son drinks smoothies and I can put blueberries, strawberries, etc in there for vitamins. That way if your child doesn't eat dinner at least they've eaten something.

 

Good Luck!

Margaret

 

My ds had bonafide texture issues (he was too little to be faking it), so I used to give him water mixed with a bit of juice, some beet & spirulina powder. He loved it. As he got older, he learned to eat a number of veggies, but I also know that while I make him eat veggies (he never volunteers) there are only certain veggies I can force him to eat due to remaining issues with taste & texture. So I make him eat raw spinach, but not cooked, he has to eat sweet potatoes and squash, but if the squash is not very good, I mix in a little something (I usually serve veggies plain).

 

As for sensitivities, I have one with many of them, and we learned it from blood work ordered by an MD.

 

As for that other poster who agreed with Ria, perhaps you missed my post about my dd who at 8 or 9 lost weight when I forced her to eat what she should eat for six months based on this type of advice. The DOCTOR had to tell me to lighten up (nicely, of course.) I should mention that she is thin (size 00 at age 13 1/2 and barely 90 pounds at 5 ft 2) so we don't want her losing weight.

[LunaLee]

Both of my dc are picky eaters, for whatever reasons. They don't eat their vegetables all the time, I have one who will eat steak till the cow's come home and one that will not eat steak. They eat some vegetables, most fruits, good whole grain cerals, yogurt, eggs.... All in all not very unbalanced, plus they take multivitamins. Different kids, different tastes.

 

Some people would say that you need to be strict: force them, don't let them get up from the table until it's gone, save it for later, make them eat it, whatever. This did not work here at all and only traumatized my kids. I agree with what Snickerdoodle said about "wanting food to be a source of joy and nourishment for them not a painful experience of manipulation, fear and anxiety." I've learned that I pick and choose my battles. Really, what they eat, or don't eat at dinner, is not one I'm willing to go rounds about. Eventually, your kids will come to eat stuff that's good for them as long as you yourself are setting that example and providing it.

 

If your main problem is "gosh I'm tired of eating the same thing every night, 'cause they won't branch out..." Which is what happend here, cook the things you want to eat and let them eat cereal. But not the cool, sugary, honey coated stuff...I'm talking oatmeal, plain. Or Joes O's, plain. Every night if need be. "Oh you don't want stew tonight, that's fine. Go ahead and make yourself a bowl of cereal. Two bowls if you're really hungry...Wow, you don't want spaghetti tonight either? Sorry to hear that, have some more cereal..." Seriously after a week or so, they'll be willing to eat what you serve. Or at least try it. I've had to do this twice over the years.The first time, by the end of night 5 my oldest was sneaking calls to her dad at work (he works at a resturaunt) "Can you please bring home some steak, I'm ready to eat real food again."

 

Good luck. I know this hard. :grouphug:

[Blessedfamily]

If your main problem is "gosh I'm tired of eating the same thing every night, 'cause they won't branch out..." Which is what happend here, cook the things you want to eat and let them eat cereal. But not the cool, sugary, honey coated stuff...I'm talking oatmeal, plain. Or Joes O's, plain. Every night if need be. "Oh you don't want stew tonight, that's fine. Go ahead and make yourself a bowl of cereal. Two bowls if you're really hungry...Wow, you don't want spaghetti tonight either? Sorry to hear that, have some more cereal..." Seriously after a week or so, they'll be willing to eat what you serve. Or at least try it. I've had to do this twice over the years.The first time, by the end of night 5 my oldest was sneaking calls to her dad at work (he works at a resturaunt) "Can you please bring home some steak, I'm ready to eat real food again."

 

Good luck. I know this hard. :grouphug:

 

You're describing Bread and Jam For Frances :001_smile:

 

That book worked for my dd once. Even though it didn't last, it was a nice reprieve.

[LunaLee]

Really? :001_smile: I've never read the book. That's funny.

[LisaKinVA]

As long as there are no sensory issues or allergies (we have both in my house), I do make them try things, and we only make one meal for the family (unless it's scavenger --err leftover -- night).

 

Everyone gets a favorite food sometime during the week, and if they don't eat their dinner there is no dessert, and the only thing they can have is raw carrots and broccoli as an after dinner snack. We do keep food that has been passed over available for a period of time as well.

 

But I DO have one who will starve herself rather than eat a despised food. OTOH, I have another whose favorite snack is raw broccoli with ranch dip (yeah, like I'm going to tell him he can't eat raw broccoli!!).

 

If I'm doing something "new" -- I give them a lot LESS than I normally would. For example, at Thanksgiving, I make a carrot casserole (actually, it tastes a lot like pumkin pie filling when done), I gave everyone just one tablespoon. Along with a Tablespoon of Green Bean Casserole, a normal helping of turkey, a normal amount of stuffing, and one crescent roll, and a Tablespoon of cranberry sauce. Before they can have 2nds of any of their favorites, they have to eat the 1 TBS of the "new" foods. It's basically one bite. No complaints, and everyone tasted everything. My children now LOVE Green Bean Casserole and Carrot Casserole. Only one likes cranberry sauce, but hey, it's a work in progress!

 

My oldest daughter has the sensory issues (not just with food though, but also with clothing). My husband has the allergies. I can't eat peas (haven't been able to keep them down since I was a baby -- totally involuntary), but all of my children love them. None of my children like mashed potatoes (not slathered in butter, not with gravy, not plain, not with cheese, just HATE mashed potatoes). Rice isn't a hit here either -- unless its BROWN rice (I have weird kids, I guess).

 

I told my dh this year, that for my birthday, I'm making green enchiladas, because I LOVE them, and haven't had them since we've been married (no meat, onions, soup, jack cheese, some jalepenos). I will also have a burrito bar set up, because my dh hates onions (maybe loathes is a better word). Although, all of the kiddos will get a TBS of green enchiladas too :D

 

There must be some tough love -- but there is more than one way to do it :D

[hornblower]

I was and continue to be a picky eater. For me it's a smell thing a lot of the time. There are certain things which make me gag to this day - I just have to smell them & I need to remove myself a distance from the food or I start turning green.

 

I surreptitiously sniff food to this day - I was just at dh's office party last night & when the caterers were passing out the appies, not only did I interrogate every one about the ingredients (because I hate lamb & shellfish and prawns and anise and brussells sprouts and peanut sauce & tons of other things), but I also took a deep breath to smell the tray before committing to taking one....

 

This is what I recommend:

 

write down the things you know the kids eat; it might be a bigger list than you think

 

try to find some pattern to it - is it texture, smell, flavour & see if you can add anything new to their diet which is similar to the things they like; try to branch out to things that YOU may not necessarily like. For ex., I discovered by accident when my kids were young that they LOVE olives - the big pitted ones you get in cans imported from Europe. I'm pretty neutral about olives but they ADORE them.

 

make meals more of a buffet thing where there are lots of healthy things on the menu and which you know at least one or two things will be something they'll eat

 

so maybe: rice, raw carrots, steamed broccoli, leftover mashed potatoes, hardboiled eggs, steamed fish

 

Everyone can pick what they like. I don't care about 'balance' from meal to meal; I think about balance over the longer term. I would be ok with a kid picking one or two things out of that list.

 

At any time, kids in my home are welcome to make a snack. They can eat veg & fruit in unlimited amounts. I like kids to eat a bit of protein regularly so I have a list of quick & easy protein sources. In a pinch, they can have a scrambled egg & whole wheat toast, or a pb on wh wheat toast sandwich. I usually won't cook for them though - generally if they won't eat what I'm having, I'll expect them to cook for themselves. At the same time, if I'm making something I know dh & I really like but the kids aren't that thrilled about, I'll think ahead & try to find something in the freezer leftovers which they would like.

 

I don't have much junky food in the house. Plain yogurt is something I'd consider to be pretty healthy. If you can get them to top it with granola or a bit of wheat germ & frozen fruit, it would be quite a healthy snack.

 

I spent many nights 'not excused' from the table with congealing food in front of me. Didn't make me appreciate those foods. Didn't make me respect my parents either. I was spanked and hit and yelled at and had privileges revoked. It didn't change the fact that there are some foods I really really detest.

 

Is there nothing in the world you really hate? Imagine being served that & expected to eat & to learn to like it. Bleh.

 

Also, involve kids in preparing foods and learning to cook. Watch cooking shows & dvd's and see what they might like to try to learn to make. They're more likely to enjoy eating those things. Food is supposed to a joyous, wonderful, sensual experience - not some hateful thing to get through to just satisfy a parent.

[SonshineLearner]

This is just like my 5 yr old. He's into some veggies and hot dogs (kosher, is that better? :-) chicken nuggets...my chicken if I kind a do "nuggets" mac and cheese...some fruit. And, he made the mistake of trying oatmeal this morning..which I made him finish.

For us, we decided early on, that dinner was mostly for family communication. My mom makes whole wheat bread, with freshly milled flour, and he's lived on that! If he doesn't want dinner (and rarely does) then he gets bread and butter. (Or something like that) I'm not forcing him to eat...and we don't spend dinner talking about how many kernels of corn he has to eat.

My brother's best friend's family spent their child's whole life talking about him eating or not...at the dinner table. Even with company, it was how to make skinny David eat. (and mostly is was peanut butter and jelly that he would end up eating) Amazingly enough, he grew up big and strong...and smart.

Good Luck!

[cillakat]

Zinc deficiency is strongly correlated and likely one of the causative factors in picky eating. Shore up zinc and it'll make any/all of the next steps easier.

 

There are several yummy zinc lozenges available. My zinc starved neices and nephews love Nutrition Now Rhino Zinc orange flavor ($3 or so from luckyvitamin.com). My own kids don't like it *unless they're low in zinc*. This is actually a very accurate test for zinc status.

 

Taste perception of zinc is highly correlated to zinc status in our tissues.

 

:)

k

[cillakat]

As for that other poster who agreed with Ria, perhaps you missed my post about my dd who at 8 or 9 lost weight when I forced her to eat what she should eat for six months based on this type of advice. The DOCTOR had to tell me to lighten up (nicely, of course.) I should mention that she is thin (size 00 at age 13 1/2 and barely 90 pounds at 5 ft 2) so we don't want her losing weight.

 

 

Likely zinc deficiency at least in part.....anway:

 

2nd. There are definitely some kids (not many) who will starve rather than eat what they don't like/don't want/can't handle. A friend followed this advice and her child ended up in Boston Children's. Not Good.

[mom31257]

My 5yo ds is a picky eater. I've also noticed, though, that he has a very keen sense of smell. I believe that might be why. I've always had the rule that they had to taste everything, but I don't make them eat more if they don't like it.

 

I believe that the older they get, the more they can make themselves eat just because they should. We're getting to that point with him, but I just have to make judgments on the situation. I made a cheese vegetable soup that was a mild and pleasant flavor, and I even picked out the peas, leaving potatoes, corn, and carrots. He said at first he didn't like it, but we told him he had to taste it again. He ended up eating the whole bowl because we said he had to do so. I won't make him eat the stuff that has strong flavors or is spicy, though.

 

The main entree for supper is my hardest thing to decide. He likes so few meals that we really do. I often end up fixing for us three, then giving him something else (a sandwich, leftovers, etc.).

 

As far as vegetables go, he really eats fresh far better than cooked. We keep a lot of tomatoes, cucumbers, and baby carrots in the house. He will only eat cucumber if the skin is off and we add a little salt. He'll eat baby carrots, but only with a certain store brand ranch dressing. He loves corn and will eat potatoes. He like tomatoes with green onion in it. He will eat lots of fruits.

 

I've gotten out of the habit the last couple of weeks because of holiday stuff, but I do a chart for fruits/vegetables. If they eat 5 small servings a day, they get dessert after supper. Would that motivate yours?

[Haiku]

 

Is there nothing in the world you really hate?

 

Definitely. I can't stand cucumbers, and I find cold pasta salads to be revolting. I have never tried french onion soup because it looks positively sickening (and since I am now vegan, I am off the hook on that one). But that's pretty much my entire list of "absolutely nots." There are things I don't care for, but very few things I absolutely can't tolerate.

 

I was a very picky child. My dad used to call me the "cereal-loving-est kid in the world" because that is all I wanted to eat. Luckily for me (imo), my parents didn't let me get away with that. They did the "two-bite" thing with me ... if there was something I claimed not to like, I still had to eat two bites of it. My parents knew that repeated exposure is often needed for people to learn to like new things. The only things that this didn't work with are cucumbers, cold pasta salads, and green peppers (I still am not fond of green peppers, but I will eat them).

 

I don't think it's productive to force a child to eat platesful of food they don't like. Neither do I think it's productive to allow kids to get away with huge lists of things they won't eat. I allow my kids to put three things on the "absolutely not" list, and when those things are served, they may prepare themselves alternatives. Other than that, they are expected to eat what they are served. One of my kids likes the idea of being picky but it what I generally refer to as finicky. She actually likes a wide range of food but will often say, "That doesn't sound good today." To which I reply, "I am not a short-order cook, and we don't have the food budget to tailor each day's menu to what sounds good TODAY for every member of the family."

 

I think that food should be a positive experience, and, to me, it seems a shame to grow up with a huge list of "no-nos" foodwise. That seems like it would make food a negative experience.

 

Tara

[Colleen]

:iagree::iagree::iagree:

 

That is to say...

 

:iagree:

 

Or as Calming Tea said above, the only way to deal with it now is to "unspoil" them. It'll probably be tough at times, and for that I can offer no help. Only :grouphug:.

[NevadaRabbit]

The ability/desire to eat a wide variety of foods is not necessarily a behavior that can be trained into or spoiled out of a child.

 

There are many possible reasons for picky eating and yes, it's possible that your picky eater is "spoiled", but I'd rule out other possibilities before taking a hard-line "eat what we're eating or starve" approach.

[amy g.]

I notice that the food you mention that your kids like is all highly processed.

 

They get accustom to the completely predictable taste and texture of processed food, and it makes "real food" much less attractive.

 

I'll never forget the day that my mom decided to put an end to all white bread, pasta and tortillas, sugar cereal, sugar peanut butter,as well as boxed food of any kind.

 

My sister and I were in a bit of shock, but after awhile, our tastes adjusted, and we could not force ourselves to eat the kids of foods we thought we missed.

 

I think you are fighting a losing battle unless you only have food in the house that you would be happy for your kids to eat.

[Storm Bay]

Likely zinc deficiency at least in part.....anway:

 

2nd. There are definitely some kids (not many) who will starve rather than eat what they don't like/don't want/can't handle. A friend followed this advice and her child ended up in Boston Children's. Not Good.

 

In this situation it's not zinc deficiency as she gets enough, but it's interesting to learn about it because this topic comes up IRL and on here so often. We tend to have very sensitive sensory systems in our house, except for dh. And not based on nutrition, but genetics as these traits are passed down and can be found in a number of members of my extended family who are raised with various types of parenting, diet, etc.

[Storm Bay]

\I was a very picky child. My dad used to call me the "cereal-loving-est kid in the world" because that is all I wanted to eat. Luckily for me (imo), my parents didn't let me get away with that. They did the "two-bite" thing with me ... if there was something I claimed not to like, I still had to eat two bites of it. My parents knew that repeated exposure is often needed for people to learn to like new things. Tara

My mother did this basic idea. While I certainly like many more foods than I did as a child, I still have foods I just cannot stand. I could force myself to eat them rather than starve if push came to shove. But I'd have to work very hard not to gag, etc. However, the older I get, the more foods I have real problems with physically (allergies and/or sensitivities--I have both, and they are different), and, most of the time, they're foods I hated as a child. Sadly, not always (like peanut butter--I loved that.)

[Haiku]

I wanted to make a suggestion that I thought of while we were eating lunch just now.

 

My daughter will eat frozen things that she says she doesn't like cooked. She will eat frozen asparagus, peas, and turnips. She also prefers frozen cherries to room-temp ones.

 

Perhaps you could try serving your kids some frozen veggies and fruits and see whether they like them. I also make fruit-and-veggie smoothie pops for my kids; I just blend up frozen fruit and bananas and avocados and greens (usually kale) and add a bit of almond milk. Then I pour them into popsicle molds and freeze them.

 

Tara

[Storm Bay]

I wanted to make a suggestion that I thought of while we were eating lunch just now.

 

My daughter will eat frozen things that she says she doesn't like cooked. She will eat frozen asparagus, peas, and turnips. She also prefers frozen cherries to room-temp ones.

 

Perhaps you could try serving your kids some frozen veggies and fruits and see whether they like them. I also make fruit-and-veggie smoothie pops for my kids; I just blend up frozen fruit and bananas and avocados and greens (usually kale) and add a bit of almond milk. Then I pour them into popsicle molds and freeze them.

 

Tara

 

Yes, I forgot about this. I have dc like this with certain veggies as well. My 8 yo will eat frozen green beens with salt on them--changes the texture. My 13 yo will eat frozen corn still frozen. My 10 & 8 yo's like frozen peas. Same with frozen bananas--changes the texture.

 

Also, raw vs cooked. I loathe raw broccoli, but raw is the only way my 13 yo can eat a number of veggies. The point is that she's eating the veggies I serve, and it doesn't take any real extra work to set aside some of it raw for her.

[Laura Corin]

Our household habit: it's entirely up to you whether you finish your meal, but there are no snacks later on if your don't eat most of your meal up. Snacks are for people who are still hungry after eating their meal. I am lenient on things that I know the child really dislikes (and I do adapt some dishes mildly) but basically, the plate has to be pretty much clean to merit snacks later on.

 

A typical evening meal might be wholegrain pasta with home-made lamb and rosemary meatballs in a tomato/oregano sauce, accompanied by mushrooms sauteed in olive oil and garlic, steamed green beans with butter, and fruit. Calvin doesn't like cheese, so I put cheese on the side for the rest of us and I'll ask Calvin to taste a tiny bit; Hobbes doesn't like mushrooms, so he'll have just a few put on his plate and will be praised for eating them up.

 

Best wishes

 

Laura

[ereks mom]

Link: (read pages 477-479)