Vanchy Posted November 23, 2019 Share Posted November 23, 2019 I am trying to help my 82 years old neighbor who broke her collar bone and can't drive. Her son (57 years old) is not driving. He is refusing to pay traffic ticket that he got 15 years ago, and for that reason he is not driving. At least that is the story I was told. Today, I went to pick up my neighbor and drive her to the hair saloon so they can wash her hair. Poor lady can't wash it at home because of her shoulder. Her son decided to go with us to do grocery shopping. I had no problem with that. I left her at the saloon, and went across the street to drop off the cat carrier to the vet. She had her to leave her cats at the vet's office for few days, and they let her to borrow carrier to bring all cats back home at the same time. Her son decided to take time and shop for 1 hour and 45 minutes. My quick and fast trip to hair stylist became almost two hours long. I called him three (3) times asking him to hurry up because I had some errands to do. What really upset me is the fact that when I opened the trunk so he can get stuff out of the car, he opened garage and looked at me waiting for me to get their groceries out of the car. When he realized that I am not going to do it he told my son (who was with us all that time) to take bags out of the car and in their kitchen. My son did it not because of him, but because of his sweet mother. My neighbor is a very nice lady, and she pretty much depends on us right now. We are the only one that are close to her (as neighbors). By my nature I am not rude, disrespectful or ignorant, but I can't tolerate this kind of behavior. What would you do? 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosie_0801 Posted November 23, 2019 Share Posted November 23, 2019 Not a damned thing for her son, that's for sure. And I would instruct my son in appropriate times for not doing as you are told, because that was one of them. Rude bugger. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JustEm Posted November 23, 2019 Share Posted November 23, 2019 I would not let her son go on trips with me anymore and I would tell him or her why if asked. 13 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
easypeasy Posted November 23, 2019 Share Posted November 23, 2019 6 minutes ago, Rosie_0801 said: Not a damned thing for her son, that's for sure. Yup. 👆 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PeppermintPattie Posted November 23, 2019 Share Posted November 23, 2019 It sounds like the mom needs help getting groceries since she can't drive. I think I'd take her again, but leave your ds at home so he can't carry in the groceries. I don't know how to avoid the overly long time spent shopping - What does one do in the grocery store for that long?? - other than to say he only has 25 minutes and then you'll be leaving, but don't threaten it unless you are brave enough to actually leave him at the store. You are doing a real kindness to the elderly mom. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
klmama Posted November 23, 2019 Share Posted November 23, 2019 Is there a grocery delivery service in your area? I'd suggest that to them, rather than take him with you again. 11 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
El... Posted November 23, 2019 Share Posted November 23, 2019 (edited) Nope; only have room for elderly mom, have to take this enormous dog crate, or this extra kid in a car seat, or this tremendous pile of laundry baskets, or had to take the extra bench out of the van for repairs/gas mileage. No extra room. Who knows what's going on with him; maybe he isn't well, but I wouldn't provide him another opportunity to behave so badly unless he came around, apologized, and graciously asked for another trip himself. I assume you don't want an actual confrontation. I don't think it's my job to correct other adults, most of the time, so I'd practice strategic conflict avoidance. Edited November 23, 2019 by elroisees Punctuation is my nemesis. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
regentrude Posted November 23, 2019 Share Posted November 23, 2019 (edited) Could it be possible that the son is under the impression that his mother is paying you for your services? That is almost the only context in which his behavior would make sense. Alternatively, he has some mental challenges, which seems plausible considering the way he handled the traffic ticket. (Unless they are lying and his license is suspended for other things like DUI) In any case, I would not take the son along ever again. He can get an uber/taxi/bicycle. Edited November 23, 2019 by regentrude 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Katy Posted November 23, 2019 Share Posted November 23, 2019 Are you in a medium sized city or larger? Most of them have busses for senior citizens or those with special needs. They make regular trips to the grocery store, for example. One of my children's great grantmothers is still alive and even her small town (about 1000) has a city bus that picks up elderly people, takes them to the grocery store, the pharmacy, and the senior center. The driver even shovels her walkway somedays. Check out what services are in your city or county. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
alisoncooks Posted November 23, 2019 Share Posted November 23, 2019 (edited) Yikes. It stinks to so something kind and then feel taken advantage of. I'm with @Rosie_0801 - I'd not include the son in any future offers. Does he live with the mom? Grocery delivery is a great suggestion. (And I'm cracking up thinking of the little old lady spending all that time at a saloon. *salon 😉 ) Edited November 23, 2019 by alisoncooks 1 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vanchy Posted November 23, 2019 Author Share Posted November 23, 2019 9 hours ago, Rosie_0801 said: Not a damned thing for her son, that's for sure. And I would instruct my son in appropriate times for not doing as you are told, because that was one of them. Rude bugger. I instructed my son not to do it anymore. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vanchy Posted November 23, 2019 Author Share Posted November 23, 2019 8 hours ago, PeppermintPattie said: I don't know how to avoid the overly long time spent shopping - What does one do in the grocery store for that long?? - other than to say he only has 25 minutes and then you'll be leaving, but don't threaten it unless you are brave enough to actually leave him at the store. I have no idea why his grocery trips are that long. Setting the time limit is a great idea. I would not have problem to leave him at the store. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vanchy Posted November 23, 2019 Author Share Posted November 23, 2019 1 hour ago, regentrude said: Could it be possible that the son is under the impression that his mother is paying you for your services? That is almost the only context in which his behavior would make sense. Alternatively, he has some mental challenges, which seems plausible considering the way he handled the traffic ticket. (Unless they are lying and his license is suspended for other things like DUI) In any case, I would not take the son along ever again. He can get an uber/taxi/bicycle. He knows that I am not payed to do that, but I think that he has some kind of mental (or maybe ego) problems. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vanchy Posted November 23, 2019 Author Share Posted November 23, 2019 13 minutes ago, alisoncooks said: (And I'm cracking up thinking of the little old lady spending all that time at a saloon. *salon 😉 ) It was late night and I was thinking about 🍷. 1 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wintermom Posted November 23, 2019 Share Posted November 23, 2019 Personally, I would step away politely from both of them. I would keep my family away from both of them. Just smile and nod when you see them, and I'd not allow my dc to speak with them. This is creepy. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
City Mouse Posted November 23, 2019 Share Posted November 23, 2019 Can you help her by helping her to find services in the community for the elderly? My county provides in home support which includes light housekeeping and running errands for seniors who qualify. There is also a daily meal service that will deliver for those who are unable to come to the Senior Center. I know my mother’s only non medical trip out of the house is to her weekly hair appointment, so I would hate to drop that, but I agree with not taking her son next time. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Vanchy Posted November 23, 2019 Author Share Posted November 23, 2019 Thank you all for your response. He sent me a message this morning and asked if I could take him to the grocery store, and I said no. I suggested two grocery stores in our area that offer delivery. He was not happy camper, but I do not care. 19 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
alisoncooks Posted November 23, 2019 Share Posted November 23, 2019 39 minutes ago, Vanchy said: Thank you all for your response. He sent me a message this morning and asked if I could take him to the grocery store, and I said no. I suggested two grocery stores in our area that offer delivery. He was not happy camper, but I do not care. Entitled much? Yikes. Good on you for sticking to your guns and not getting sucked in. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PeppermintPattie Posted November 23, 2019 Share Posted November 23, 2019 1 hour ago, Vanchy said: Thank you all for your response. He sent me a message this morning and asked if I could take him to the grocery store, and I said no. I suggested two grocery stores in our area that offer delivery. He was not happy camper, but I do not care. Grocery trips two days in a row?!? Good for you for saying no! 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Murphy101 Posted November 23, 2019 Share Posted November 23, 2019 6 hours ago, Vanchy said: Thank you all for your response. He sent me a message this morning and asked if I could take him to the grocery store, and I said no. I suggested two grocery stores in our area that offer delivery. He was not happy camper, but I do not care. What the heck does that mean? 😒 I'd tell them both I can't help out anymore. Just too busy with work and kids and nope can't do it. Best of luck! Idk what his problem is, and it's unfortunate that his elderly mom has to put up with him, but this is red flags galore and I'd avoid them like the plague from now on and tell my husband and kids to do the same. After they respond, I'd screen shot our communication as a just in case, but not reply back bc I already stated all I needed to, and then I'd block their numbers from all our phones. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kbutton Posted November 23, 2019 Share Posted November 23, 2019 I think it's fine to help the mom if you want, and just leave him hanging. If he had declined to take his own groceries out of the trunk, I would've instructed my son to put them in the driveway. Presumably the mother's shoulder will heal, and this will be a short term need. During that time, if she's having trouble getting groceries, etc., I would probably help her set something up with delivery, or tell her that you expect her to do that by the time her shoulder is healed. Doing nothing is also perfectly valid. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TechWife Posted November 23, 2019 Share Posted November 23, 2019 Thank you for helping your elderly neighbor. That's what makes community. I agree with the others not to cater to the son, but I think it's a great thing that you're willing to help your elderly neighbor. If groceries are a need, and since she's not driving, you could offer to pick up some things when you are going anyway. But, I would ask her, not him, for a short list. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted November 24, 2019 Share Posted November 24, 2019 Sounds to me like the son has some mental issues. I would try to avoid being around him and say no to every request he makes going forward. But if I did get stuck with him another time, I would try my best to go with the flow for my own peace of mind. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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