Janie Grace Posted June 18, 2018 Share Posted June 18, 2018 I am trying to learn to speak up and be honest. I am someone who WAY too often goes along so as not to hurt feelings. But I am afraid I was mean today... I have a friend who is a special ed teacher in another state. I have a son with some learning issues and she recently offered to "share some strategies." I said okay because I thought it would be a quick email with a handful of ideas. Then she sent me a Google slides presentation and has made it clear that it will take 1-2 hours for her to go through all the information she wants to share over the phone (she went to a conference recently and is enthusiastic about this new material). After putting her off due to a schedule conflict once, I just came clean and told her via text I'm too overwhelmed for that. I'm super busy with work and driving kids to summer activities. I an already up to my neck in meetings with people HERE who are actively involved in ds's case (SPED teacher from his elementary school, case manager, tutor, etc.). Also this friend is kind of long-winded and a know-it-all and I don't like her manner when she talks about this stuff. She's not very sensitive. And ds's issues are a big emotional thing right now. I just flat out do not want to do this. I explained my situation and that it's hard for me to learn from a lecture and asked for a book/article/website reference. But now I'm worried that she's going to be offended or think I don't care about ds. I need to chill, right? It's okay that I was honest? Or should I have sucked it up and made time for the lecture? 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
alisoncooks Posted June 18, 2018 Share Posted June 18, 2018 Nope. You were fine. 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
regentrude Posted June 18, 2018 Share Posted June 18, 2018 I think you handled that perfectly fine. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marbel Posted June 18, 2018 Share Posted June 18, 2018 I think what you said sounds fine. You have a lot of stuff happening (meaning, you are busy and might not have time for a 2-hour phone call), and you have people local to you working with you and your son, right? And honestly, I can't imagine going over 1-2 hours worth of slides during a phone call. I don't know about anyone else, but that would not be an effective way for me to learn and understand the material. If her take-away from your text is that you don't care about your son, she's... maybe not the best person to talk to about his issues. (Hugs) 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bluegoat Posted June 18, 2018 Share Posted June 18, 2018 I think that was fine. She might be put out, people are often sensitive, but I don't think you were rude at all. I don't know that I'd say she was being rude - more, just ill-times or ill-conceived. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mom2att Posted June 18, 2018 Share Posted June 18, 2018 I think you were right to refuse and that you explained your reasons clearly and objectively. It's great that she's excited about what she learned and wants to share it with you, but that kind of help is not what you need right now. Drop this off your guilt plate. You handled it well! 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DoraBora Posted June 18, 2018 Share Posted June 18, 2018 I think you handled it just fine. You have the right to choose your experts, and it makes sense to choose those who are local and will actually work with your child. (I agonize over what other people think, too. It helps me to remember that I can't absorb all of the advice out there because I then will become too overwhelmed to move in any direction. That doesn't help anyone.) Try not to worry... ? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Janie Grace Posted June 18, 2018 Author Share Posted June 18, 2018 Thanks, everyone. I'm going to try to let it go. HEY! She just texted me back with a short summary of what she wanted to share and where to get more info. She doesn't sound mad at all. The good thing about slightly insensitive friends is that they have thick skin. ? 17 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted June 18, 2018 Share Posted June 18, 2018 Not rude. But don't blame her for being enthusiastic either. ? Sounds like you both expressed your concerns and will find a way that works for both of you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted June 18, 2018 Share Posted June 18, 2018 She sounds like she's "normally" skinned. As in, I think that most people would not be offended by what you said at all. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catz Posted June 18, 2018 Share Posted June 18, 2018 Oh no, you are totally fine. That was a perfect response. If she would have responded badly, I would have thought her overly sensitive. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catz Posted June 18, 2018 Share Posted June 18, 2018 I used to really overthink responses like this. At the end of the day, your feelings and needs are just as important as her enthusiasm and need to be heard. Don't feel bad or apologize for speaking your mind honestly and politely. That's very different from being a jerk to someone. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted June 18, 2018 Share Posted June 18, 2018 you were fine. you thought you were going to get a few tips when you agreed - not a seminar. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wheres Toto Posted June 18, 2018 Share Posted June 18, 2018 I think you handled it perfectly. Honestly, if a friend who wasn't someone we saw in a professional capacity, and probably didn't see my kids that often suddenly offered a two hour lecture on dealing with them, I might feel a little insulted myself. Like they didn't feel I was handling things well, because to me a 2 hour lecture with slides is way beyond offering friendly advice. But, I may be overly sensitive about these things. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellie Posted June 19, 2018 Share Posted June 19, 2018 9 hours ago, Janie Grace said: I am trying to learn to speak up and be honest. I am someone who WAY too often goes along so as not to hurt feelings. But I am afraid I was mean today... I have a friend who is a special ed teacher in another state. I have a son with some learning issues and she recently offered to "share some strategies." I said okay because I thought it would be a quick email with a handful of ideas. Then she sent me a Google slides presentation and has made it clear that it will take 1-2 hours for her to go through all the information she wants to share over the phone (she went to a conference recently and is enthusiastic about this new material). After putting her off due to a schedule conflict once, I just came clean and told her via text I'm too overwhelmed for that. I'm super busy with work and driving kids to summer activities. I an already up to my neck in meetings with people HERE who are actively involved in ds's case (SPED teacher from his elementary school, case manager, tutor, etc.). Also this friend is kind of long-winded and a know-it-all and I don't like her manner when she talks about this stuff. She's not very sensitive. And ds's issues are a big emotional thing right now. I just flat out do not want to do this. I explained my situation and that it's hard for me to learn from a lecture and asked for a book/article/website reference. But now I'm worried that she's going to be offended or think I don't care about ds. I need to chill, right? It's okay that I was honest? Or should I have sucked it up and made time for the lecture? It is not rude at all to not accept someone's offer to do something. It doesn't have anything to do with how you *feel.* It's just that it's perfectly polite to say "no." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Liz CA Posted June 19, 2018 Share Posted June 19, 2018 Does not sound rude to me. It seems like people who are just starting to work on some boundaries are often second guessing themselves but what you described sounds perfectly polite to me. You definitely can state that the proposed format does not fit your learning style for absorbing info. Don't be afraid to defend your time and preferences when necessary! Can she just send you the presentation and you can look through it bit by bit whenever it's convenient for you without her commentary? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J-rap Posted June 19, 2018 Share Posted June 19, 2018 I'm glad it all turned out okay! It's always so refreshing when someone just takes what you say at face value and doesn't get all sensitive about it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.