Should I make him do the college open house?

[DawnM]

This is for middle son.  He is a senior.

 

He got into a school he applied for, but now thinks he isn't interested in that school.  They have an open house coming up, and I suggested we at least go look, but he is saying now that he has looked at it online and thought about it, he has more direction of what he is looking for in a school, and this one isn't it.

 

I should just let it go, right?  I keep thinking, "If he would just look,  he might like it and he needs to keep his options open.

 

 

[bettyandbob]

Has he been to ANY college open houses?

 

If he hasn't been to any, Id suggest pushing a little. So he can get a general idea of a campus and his place.

 

I dragged my 2E DS to an open house the summer before senior year. I actually had to drag him all the way through the application process. He had a lot of anxiety, which he does not admit, that complicated the process. He did actually enjoy seeing that college even though he did not apply.

[Arch at Home]

Is the Open House on campus? If not, I wouldn’t push it. If it is, I would insist on one more visit prior to turning them down if they are in the money and meet other criteria particularly if he doesn’t have other good acceptances.

Edited January 25, 2018 by Arch at Home

[DawnM]

I had typed tons of info out and then decided not to add it as I didn't think anyone wanted to read through all that, but I guess I should have added more details.

 

He did tour UNC Asheville.  He decided it wasn't his first choice because after looking he knew he wanted:

 

1. Larger City

2. Not the snow in the winter (he said unless he REALLY liked the school and found it worth it.)

3. Too far from home (again, unless he REALLY felt it was worth it)

 

 

The tour of the other school  he has gotten into is:

 

1. even smaller of a town, almost no town other than the school

2. Has more snow

3. Is even further from home

 

He HAS found at least 2 schools that interest him and we are going to tour them:

 

1. Local 4 year college

2. One 1.5 hours away, in a smaller town, but is worth it to him as they have some things he is interested in

[Julie of KY]

I'd give him a chance to make his arguement as to why he doesn't need to look any farther.

 

I'd then also follow my instinct. If I think he's thought through everything and doesn't need to go, then I'd drop it. If "I" still think it'd be worthwhile, then I'd say that you just have to do certain things to please mom and this is one of them.

[Lanny]

I was in Ashville once, Got snowed in there. Airport was closed. Had to take a Greyhound bus to Knoxville. Got from the bus terminal to the airport in Knoxville in someones private car. That was long before Uber.

So, yes, they sometimes have snow.

 

I would suggest that he explore the 2 schools he is interested in and that he does this, which I saw in a photo on the Texas A&M web site. A student was holding a hand drawn sign which said, "Don't just do a campus tour.  Stay awhile"

 

IMO, on any campus, that is an excellent suggestion. I would prefer, when the time comes, for my DD to spend several days on the campus of a university she is contemplating, when classes are in session.

 

Good luck to him on his choice of a university!

 

 

[Lanny]

<snip>

 

 

He HAS found at least 2 schools that interest him and we are going to tour them:

 

1. Local 4 year college

2. One 1.5 hours away, in a smaller town, but is worth it to him as they have some things he is interested in

 

Question: With regard to school #2...  Some things he is interested in... Does that include Majors?

 

What is he interested in?

[DawnM]

Question: With regard to school #2...  Some things he is interested in... Does that include Majors?

 

What is he interested in?

 

Yes. He isn't 100% sure, but Film/TV Editing is something he is quite interested in.  

 

Being on campus for several days and attending classes while in session is simply not going to happen.  Most colleges don't like it, you have to get permission from each professor individually, and they don't want you there more than one class.

 

And with him being a senior, he cannot miss much school either.  And I can't miss work to take him.

 

 

Edited January 25, 2018 by DawnM

[GoodGrief]

Because his hesitation is more about the setting than the program, I probably would push a bit. Sometimes things are not what they have pictured in their head.

[regentrude]

If he isn't interested in the school, I see no point in "making" him.

[DawnM]

Because his hesitation is more about the setting than the program, I probably would push a bit. Sometimes things are not what they have pictured in their head.

 

Good point.

[DawnM]

If he isn't interested in the school, I see no point in "making" him.

 

Well, he was interested enough to apply, write an essay, and spend $60 from my bank account for the application!

 

HAHAHAHA!

[GoodGrief]

My oldest thought she wanted a certain kind of school...small, more small town, possibly a women's college. She ended up choosing the large public flagship in the end, and it was absolutely the best choice. Visiting really can help the student visualize themselves at a place and overcome preconceptions.

[katilac]

I made my kids tour schools they weren't even interested in applying for (they were local, or on the route when traveling). Yep, I would make him go if he applied and has been admitted, assuming there is no great expense involved. If his mind has changed over the last few months, it certainly could change again. Plus, every tour adds to his knowledge and gives him new questions to ask and new things to look for at the schools he does have interest in. 

[Mabelen]

I asked my daughter not to say no to one of the UC campuses off hand until she had visited. She visited and realized that it was a great choice. She is graduating in June.

[Tsuga]

This is for middle son.  He is a senior.

 

He got into a school he applied for, but now thinks he isn't interested in that school.  They have an open house coming up, and I suggested we at least go look, but he is saying now that he has looked at it online and thought about it, he has more direction of what he is looking for in a school, and this one isn't it.

 

I should just let it go, right?  I keep thinking, "If he would just look,  he might like it and he needs to keep his options open.

 

In my opinion, this not being a value judgment on those who disagree: I would force him if I were paying for college.

 

If I were paying less than a certain amount, probably around 25%, I would not. His money, his choice.

 

If it's my money? I get a say in how he approaches the question.

 

But, as I've said before I view college as an economic investment in my child's future, versus a basic right. And I realize not all families are coming from that perspective.

[RootAnn]

I have stubborn kids. If they have made up their mind that they won't like something, they are unlikely to change their mind based on an event I forced them to attend. Your mileage may vary. 

[SilverMoon]

I coerced one of mine, and I'm glad I did. She was fairly sure it wasn't what she wanted, but she went because of my pushing. At the end of the day she said she knew for certain that was not where she wanted to go, but she was very glad she went because it really helped her solidify what she did want. *shrug* :001_smile:

[DawnM]

I made my kids tour schools they weren't even interested in applying for (they were local, or on the route when traveling). Yep, I would make him go if he applied and has been admitted, assuming there is no great expense involved. If his mind has changed over the last few months, it certainly could change again. Plus, every tour adds to his knowledge and gives him new questions to ask and new things to look for at the schools he does have interest in. 

 

That is kind of the way I am leaning.  I mean, what really could it hurt?  It is a 3 hour drive, I don't know if we will go Fri night and stay in a hotel or just go really early Saturday morning.  We will see.  IF we go.  I am still debating.

 

Last night we talked some more and he says in his mind he has things narrowed down to two schools.......the one he applied for locally that hasn't given him a decision yet, and the one 1.5 hours away. 

 

At least we are moving in the right direction?  

 

He says he still plans to go to CC next Fall as he doesn't feel he knows what he wants and needs a year to get his stuff together (one school requires a large portfolio and he hasn't started and would like a year to really make it a good one.)

 

So, I am torn on making him go.  He does seem to have more of a plan......hmmmm......

[DawnM]

I have stubborn kids. If they have made up their mind that they won't like something, they are unlikely to change their mind based on an event I forced them to attend. Your mileage may vary. 

 

Each of mine are quite different in that respect.  This one is my more compliant child.  I have to be careful not to push too hard or he will do what he thinks I want rather than think it through himself.  That is one reason I wanted to give him lots of options.  

 

And part of this is my fault.  I thought for sure we were moving back to CA this summer.  It isn't quite working out that way.  So, in his mind, he was going to CC in CA next year and then starting to think about colleges in CA.  

 

Now the move is on hold (and is pending happening at all) and he needs to find something in NC.  

[Lanny]

Yes. He isn't 100% sure, but Film/TV Editing is something he is quite interested in.  

 

Being on campus for several days and attending classes while in session is simply not going to happen.  Most colleges don't like it, you have to get permission from each professor individually, and they don't want you there more than one class.

 

And with him being a senior, he cannot miss much school either.  And I can't miss work to take him.

 

I would then suggest that he concentrate on  schools that excel in Film/TV Editing...

 

It wasn't my thought that he might be in the same class for 3 days.  But, I think if one can be on campus, for a couple of days, when classes are in session they can begin to get the "feel" of the atmosphere on campus, as well as (hopefully) attaend a couple of classes or speak with people in the Department of interest.

[DawnM]

I would then suggest that he concentrate on  schools that excel in Film/TV Editing...

 

It wasn't my thought that he might be in the same class for 3 days.  But, I think if one can be on campus, for a couple of days, when classes are in session they can begin to get the "feel" of the atmosphere on campus, as well as (hopefully) attaend a couple of classes or speak with people in the Department of interest.

 

Lanny, he isn't 100% sure that is what he wants.  So, we aren't there yet.  AND, he wants to not be far from home.

 

And again, most schools highly discourage, or won't allow what you are proposing.  It is logistically impossible.

[JudoMom]

I'd go. He might love it; he might hate it. But he will gather more information, and information, especially for big decisions, is good to have.

[regentrude]

And again, most schools highly discourage, or won't allow what you are proposing.  It is logistically impossible.

 

I don't understand this. How would the school know that a student is spending three days in town? You arrange your department visits to different departments (which won't know or care whether you talk to other departments or not) and ask to sit in an a few classes. 

If I have a prospective student visit and audit, I have no clue whether he's going to be at English in the afternoon, at math tomorrow, or was at aerospace yesterday. 

 

It's just that the admissions department does not arrange such visits.

Edited January 26, 2018 by regentrude

[8filltheheart]

We have never made arrangements to sit in on classes through admissions.  We have always done it through depts.  Most of our serious visits for long distance schools have required a minimum of 2 days to do everything we have wanted to achieve.  Meeting various depts, sitting in on multiple classes, touring campus, appts with the scholarship/career/study abroad, eating in the dining hall, driving around the surrounding area, etc all take quite a bit scheduling flexibility.

 

FWIW, for a school that might be a serious contender but with doubts, it is definitely worth it to make the time.  Better a couple of extra days now than attending and facing the possibility of unhappiness and a transfer and all that entails.

[Lanny]

Lanny, he isn't 100% sure that is what he wants.  So, we aren't there yet.  AND, he wants to not be far from home.

 

And again, most schools highly discourage, or won't allow what you are proposing.  It is logistically impossible.

 

I understand him not being 100% sure about what he wants. Many kids including my DD are in that boat.

 

I did not express what I would like (if we had the $) for my DD to be able to do, properly. I'm sure any university would permit that. And, encourage that...

 

Now, if his interest settles on a Major in TV/Film Editing, or something along those lines, there is a big movie industry in the Atlanta area, which is not that far from you. A lot of production moved from Hollywood, to lower production costs and so the  workers have much more affordable housing available.  I'm not in contact with him, but I know that one of my friends in High School was a Film Editor in Hollywood.

 

I think the school 1.5 hours away is a place your DS should visit.

 

I read some of the other posts and since he has been accepted, if you can, I would go to that school and check it out.

 

A school with a larger student body will offer more Majors.  More clubs. More opportunities to Network. That may or may not be important for the DS who is the topic of this thread.

 

I am guessing that if someone wanted to go into Film Editing or something like that, knowing people who have contacts and networking would be a huge plus, when looking for employment after graduation. 

[regentrude]

OTOH, just to give a different perspective: it is possible to choose a school and be perfectly fine there without ever visiting. I think the "vibe" and "fit" thing is completely overrated.

 

ETA: I am concerned that this overemphasis on "fit" may lead a student who is struggling to conclude that he just didn't choose the "right" college and that this is an intrinsic problem with fit -as opposed to looking for solutions to make things work at the school he is at.

Edited January 26, 2018 by regentrude

[Bluegoat]

Well, sometimes seeing a place, even if it's not a likely choice, can still bring some clarity about other choices.  I might encourage going if it's fairLy easy to do so.

 

My college used to arrange tours right down to attending some classes, but they were very small, only 1000 students.  But I showed prospective students around my university campus from time to time, and I often just brought them to sit in on a first year class of a prof I knew would be interesting, where they wouldn't be in the way.  Not all visits have to be arranged very formally - sometimes the less formal ones can be more revealing.

[Bluegoat]

OTOH, just to give a different perspective: it is possible to choose a school and be perfectly fine there without ever visiting. I think the "vibe" and "fit" thing is completely overrated.

 

Yes, it's interesting to me that here in Canada, most students I knew who came from farther away didn't visit ahead of time.  They had orientations and open houses, but the majority by far were people in driving distance, so easy for them to come.

 

Visiting just doesn't really seem to be emphasized to the same degree.

[Tsuga]

Lanny, he isn't 100% sure that is what he wants.  So, we aren't there yet.  AND, he wants to not be far from home.

 

And again, most schools highly discourage, or won't allow what you are proposing.  It is logistically impossible.

 

Completely and totally rabbit trail here: That is a HARD industry.

 

I work with a number of people who double majored in some kind of art and business. So they have economics, etc. They all are really, really, really, really glad they did it because they graduated when the economy tanked and it's also given them a great perspective on what it means to be a profitable artist who can do that as a job. I realize media and TV are highly commercialized anyway, but even more of a reason to have that as your double.

 

So as he goes into his CC courses, let him think about a potential "practical" double major to help him get internships. Way easier to get a foot in the door in the "mailroom" (nowadays, thats executive assistant or support analysis) and move laterally to art than to climb up in art.

[justasque]

College is expensive, in both time and money.  I strongly encourage students and their parents to visit multiple schools, ideally before deciding where to apply, and then to visit their top choices more than once, ideally on an open house or accepted students day when more info is available.  We have found these visits to be an essential part of making sure the chosen school is a good fit for a particular student, and I've watched many students minimize this step and end up somewhere less than ideal.  

[DawnM]

Completely and totally rabbit trail here: That is a HARD industry.

 

I work with a number of people who double majored in some kind of art and business. So they have economics, etc. They all are really, really, really, really glad they did it because they graduated when the economy tanked and it's also given them a great perspective on what it means to be a profitable artist who can do that as a job. I realize media and TV are highly commercialized anyway, but even more of a reason to have that as your double.

 

So as he goes into his CC courses, let him think about a potential "practical" double major to help him get internships. Way easier to get a foot in the door in the "mailroom" (nowadays, thats executive assistant or support analysis) and move laterally to art than to climb up in art.

 

That is what he was thinking, which is why I didn't really want to mention it.  He is looking at that AND something else, but he isn't sure yet what the something else is.  

 

He has looked into things like Data Analysis and Actuary Science.  I personally think he would make a great engineer, but he says that doesn't interest him.

 

But then the great schools for one don't rate stellar for the other, and visa versa.

 

But I really didn't want to get into that particular aspect (everyone's opinions on my son's art related degree) on this thread.

Edited January 26, 2018 by DawnM

[DawnM]

College is expensive, in both time and money.  I strongly encourage students and their parents to visit multiple schools, ideally before deciding where to apply, and then to visit their top choices more than once, ideally on an open house or accepted students day when more info is available.  We have found these visits to be an essential part of making sure the chosen school is a good fit for a particular student, and I've watched many students minimize this step and end up somewhere less than ideal.  

 

We just don't have the time.  We can visit in the summer, but those aren't open houses and have limited facilities open.  

 

It is what it is, and we will just deal with it as we can.

[katilac]

 

Now, if his interest settles on a Major in TV/Film Editing, or something along those lines, there is a big movie industry in the Atlanta area, which is not that far from you.  <snip>

 

I am guessing that if someone wanted to go into Film Editing or something like that, knowing people who have contacts and networking would be a huge plus, when looking for employment after graduation. 

 

New Orleans is another part of Hollywood South, and I know lots of the students at the public uni are getting experience while they are still in school. A ridiculous number of them work for NCIS, lol. 

 

And the next part (about knowing people) is absolutely true, so much so that I would only pay for my kid to study this in a city where they could actually meet people and get work experience in the industry while still in college. 

 

AND, he wants to not be far from home.

 

 

One thing people have brought up on these boards is that a great airport can trump raw distance. dd is 7 hours away and did not want to go further, but now I realize that 12 hours away with a great airport makes it easier to get them home and visit than being within a day's driving distance. Her airport does not have Southwest, so flights can be pricey, and I don't think they have any direct flights. 

 

But, I totally get that is not enough for some kids. My youngest has a 2-hour max, lol. 

 

OTOH, just to give a different perspective: it is possible to choose a school and be perfectly fine there without ever visiting. I think the "vibe" and "fit" thing is completely overrated.

 

 

I think it matters more to some kids than others. Sometimes, it can be less about finding the perfect fit, and more about reducing the anxiety that some kids will have by starting college when they have never seen the campus or city before. Some people will dive right in, others need a slooow introduction, lol. We visited dd's school a ridiculous number of times before she attended, but I knew she needed that to feel comfortable and calm(er). Life would be easier if I had kids who could just hop on a plane and head off to parts unknown, but I don't, and so we visit. Repeatedly. 

 

 

Completely and totally rabbit trail here: That is a HARD industry.

 

<snip>

 

So as he goes into his CC courses, let him think about a potential "practical" double major to help him get internships. Way easier to get a foot in the door in the "mailroom" (nowadays, thats executive assistant or support analysis) and move laterally to art than to climb up in art.

 

Yes, a very hard industry, and one that often seems better in the abstract than in the reality. I'm all for pursuing your interests, but I'm lacking the gene that lets you believe things will always work out if you just pursue your dreams. Youngest is a likely art major, so we'll soon see how my "you must have a complementary minor at minimum, preferably a second major" advice pans out, lol. 

 

The year at CC will give him time to breathe and get things sorted. 

[DawnM]

 

 

One thing people have brought up on these boards is that a great airport can trump raw distance. dd is 7 hours away and did not want to go further, but now I realize that 12 hours away with a great airport makes it easier to get them home and visit than being within a day's driving distance. Her airport does not have Southwest, so flights can be pricey, and I don't think they have any direct flights. 

 

But, I totally get that is not enough for some kids. My youngest has a 2-hour max, lol. 

 

 

Oh, 7 hours is too far.  He is thinking 3 hours max, 2 max preferable.

 

His two current top contenders are the one 40 min. away and the one 1.5 hours away.  

 

He thought the 2.5 hour and 3 hour ones were too far, but again, he is wiling to go further IF he feels it is worth it, so far, he hasn't found a school that would make it worth it.

[DawnM]

 

Yes, a very hard industry, and one that often seems better in the abstract than in the reality. I'm all for pursuing your interests, but I'm lacking the gene that lets you believe things will always work out if you just pursue your dreams. Youngest is a likely art major, so we'll soon see how my "you must have a complementary minor at minimum, preferably a second major" advice pans out, lol. 

 

The year at CC will give him time to breathe and get things sorted. 

 

My oldest is getting an ART related degree....no second degree.....no minor, and we are THRILLED for him.  He has already had a great internship in his field and is now working on another project in his field. 

 

There are many who do just fine in their field, even if they sideline a bit along the way, as they can with any major or field of study.

 

I honestly don't know how we got such creative kids but I am loving it!

Edited January 27, 2018 by DawnM

[ThisIsTheDay]

When my dd was looking at colleges, she chose one to tour that was far enough away that we stayed overnight. Because we were already there, I decided that we would tour a second nearby school, even though she was adamant that she didn't want to.

 

Guess which school she ended up choosing and graduating from . . .

 

Fun story, although your son's situation sounds like it may be different. :)

[clementine]

When our dds toured colleges, it was good for them to see what they liked, what they hated, what were absolute musts, what wasn’t a big deal, etc. Even schools they really disliked made them more aware of what was important to them.

[DawnM]

When my dd was looking at colleges, she chose one to tour that was far enough away that we stayed overnight. Because we were already there, I decided that we would tour a second nearby school, even though she was adamant that she didn't want to.

 

Guess which school she ended up choosing and graduating from . . .

 

Fun story, although your son's situation sounds like it may be different. :)

 

We thought of doing that when we were up in that area for the day, but we hadn't planned to stay overnight at that point, so we didn't.  

 

And I really like the open houses over a regular tour IF it is possible.  You spend the entire day on campus, go to two or three 1 hour talks on what you are interested in, and hear professors, go to the buildings, etc....

 

The last one we went to, my son opted to visit the Astronomy Lab and he really liked it.  It isn't even a major he had thought of doing before.

[DawnM]

When our dds toured colleges, it was good for them to see what they liked, what they hated, what were absolute musts, what wasn’t a big deal, etc. Even schools they really disliked made them more aware of what was important to them.

 

Yeah.  My coworker's daughter wanted to go to App State, that was her first choice, but she didn't get in.  So, she decided to go to UNCC instead for a year, and then try again to get in.  Well, after her first year at UNCC, she decided she really loved UNCC and when Spring came around, she didn't apply to transfer!  She is now a Junior at UNCCharlotte and has enjoyed all of her years there.

[Lanny]

<snip>

The last one we went to, my son opted to visit the Astronomy Lab and he really liked it.  It isn't even a major he had thought of doing before.

 

That's one thing I believe might happen to my DD, if she can spend time on the Texas Tech (for example) campus and just walk in and out of the buildings. Even in the situation where classes are not being held, one might see something that "turns them on". Something they had never considered as a possible Major before. Possibly something they had never heard of before.

 

Is the Open House today? If so, I hope you and your DS were able to attend.

 

OT: My DD is taking Astronomy now.

[DawnM]

That's one thing I believe might happen to my DD, if she can spend time on the Texas Tech (for example) campus and just walk in and out of the buildings. Even in the situation where classes are not being held, one might see something that "turns them on". Something they had never considered as a possible Major before. Possibly something they had never heard of before.

 

Is the Open House today? If so, I hope you and your DS were able to attend.

 

OT: My DD is taking Astronomy now.

 

No, it isn't for another 6-8 weeks.

[G5052]

I think an open house was a factor in my oldest deciding against a large college and choosing to go to the community college. He didn't like a big campus with a lot of options.

 

That choice was perfect for him though. He thrived in the small community college classes and loved having evening classes with professors who were working in his field.

 

Now he's at the largest 4-year in our state, and he's perfectly fine with it. His classes are larger but are mostly in one building, and he likes having more options to work out and be involved in martial arts.

[DawnM]

I think an open house was a factor in my oldest deciding against a large college and choosing to go to the community college. He didn't like a big campus with a lot of options.

 

That choice was perfect for him though. He thrived in the small community college classes and loved having evening classes with professors who were working in his field.

 

Now he's at the largest 4-year in our state, and he's perfectly fine with it. His classes are larger but are mostly in one building, and he likes having more options to work out and be involved in martial arts.

 

I honestly though this particular child would do great at a small college.  We were even looking at small Christian colleges for him.  And then we went up to Asheville for an open house of UNC Asheville.  It is a pretty small school for a state school and had a small private school vibe to it.  I really liked it.

 

He came away saying it was too small!  I was quite surprised.