When a frequent guest is a picky eater

[RoundAbout]

I have not had to deal with picky teen/adults but when we have picky children over I pick up a fresh baguette from the supermarket section of the bakery and some real butter so I know at least they will not be hungry. Fresh bread slathered in good butter is a hit with almost everyone. For a picky adult I might add a simple cheese/cold cut plate that can be bought in advance and doesn't need to be cooked. 

[hornblower]

. Fresh bread slathered in good butter is a hit with almost everyone. For a picky adult I might add a simple cheese/cold cut plate that can be bought in advance and doesn't need to be cooked. 

 

 

except the vegan :D 

 

As a vegan picky eater this thread is making me lol.

 

I rarely eat at anyone's home. I might attend for social reasons, but odds are I won't eat. I prefer it if people don't make a deal out of it. 

[SparklyUnicorn]

except the vegan :D 

 

As a vegan picky eater this thread is making me lol.

 

I rarely eat at anyone's home. I might attend for social reasons, but odds are I won't eat. I prefer it if people don't make a deal out of it. 

 

and also except a low carber.... :closedeyes:

[RoundAbout]

except the vegan :D 

 

As a vegan picky eater this thread is making me lol.

 

I rarely eat at anyone's home. I might attend for social reasons, but odds are I won't eat. I prefer it if people don't make a deal out of it. 

 

I have one friend that is vegan who has stayed with us occasionally. Last time I just made big pots of rice and black beans in the Instant Pot. Had some different salsas on hand and gave her free range of anything in the fridge. Vegans are usually so easy to please as they are used to fending for themselves and really grateful if you put in even the tiniest effort!

[Sandwalker]

I'm not making a leap; she admitted she is "kinda picky." And then I asked her mom about it when she came to pick her up and mom said yeah, she pretty much doesn't like any vegetables; she's picky. And then mom said the daughter is actually a less choosy eater than she herself is. Heh.

Spunds as if she hasn't been served too much variety at home, then. I'd just cook normally (we don't even eat meat or dairy, so plenty of veggies!) but make sure there was plenty of bread on the table. She may discover things she never tried and like them.

 

I wouldn't make a big deal of what she eats or doesn't eat, always wonder about the beginnings of an eating disorder with picky teen girls.

 

I have fed tons of kids and teens my vegan food over the years, and even the hardcore carnies will eat, and most really like trying new things. The picky ones ate more bread and spread than the others. And I always have tons of fruit, which teens seems to like.

[Sandwalker]

except the vegan :D

 

As a vegan picky eater this thread is making me lol.

 

I rarely eat at anyone's home. I might attend for social reasons, but odds are I won't eat. I prefer it if people don't make a deal out of it.

I bring a dish along, enough for everyone, after clearing it with the host. I ask what they are having so that my dish doesn't clash. I used to just bring a small portion, but someone would inevitably eat it before I got any! :)

[TeenagerMom]

My DD17's boyfriend is kind of picky and has a few food allergies.  We already have one sensory eater in the house so it's not big deal here.  I don't cook what he's allergic to at all anymore because I am never sure when he'll be here and when he won't.  Most of our meals aren't mixed foods.  I cook meat, veggies, bread, potatoes, whatever, and everyone just gets what they want.  I always make sure there is something everyone will eat.  It's really not been inconvenient at all and I would much rather they be picky here than be out grabbing fast food 2-3 nights a week.

[Garga]

I'm a picky eater, though I prefer now to say that I have "food aversions."  I'm tired of being called a picky eater, because the term picky eater comes with a connotation that I'm choosing to dislike the food.  Trust me, it's a huge pain to be a "picky eater".  It's not something I would choose for myself.  I want to like foods, but when I eat them they make me retch.  Not attractive.

 

I have friends who love to cook food.  When we visit, they like to make elaborate meals and they want to make sure that they have food that my picky sons and I will like--so they'll sometimes make three different variations of the same meal, catering to each of our needs.  This makes me feel stressed.  But other times, I really appreciate that they make us this special food.  I am confused by my own reaction.  I love it that they care enough about us that they make things we can all eat, but I feel stressed that they have to go through so much effort to make us all our own dish.

 

At my MIL's house she likes to comment on what everyone's eating, "Aren't you going to try the ham?" And then tries to make sure everyone eats more food, "Have some more potatoes."  That also stresses me out, especially if I've just barely gakked some of the food down.  I end up playing games where I take less than I really want so that I can pretend to be taking seconds.  I try to give quick, one-syllable answers to any food questions because I feel very uncomfortable talking about what I like and don't like, even though my MIL is honestly just trying to make us all feel welcome.

 

And then I visited my own mother who lives across the country and only sees us once every few years.  She really freaked out about making sure we all had the food we liked.  She was so desperate for us to feel welcome that it was starting to get ridiculous. I finally had to say to her, "This is my problem, not yours.  Stop making it your problem.  I'll figure out the food and you can stop worrying about it."

  

So, with that background:   

 

Once, and only once, say to her, "Hey, I know you don't like veggies and stuff.  Whenever you visit, you just eat the parts of the meal that you like and ignore the rest. No one will expect you to eat something you don't like," and give a reassuring smile.  

 

And that's it.  Cook whatever you want to cook and let her deal with the food that is or isn't there.  She can go home and eat some ramen noodles or get McDonalds on the way home (how I would have handled it at 17).  If you can figure out something she likes that's easy to have on hand (like the rolls others have suggested, if she likes rolls), then have it on hand without making a fuss about it or pointing it out.

 

If you know something she likes and if you know ahead of time what night she will visit, you can save that dinner for when she visits.  But you'll need to be SURE she really likes it.  If I have to choose between ham or lasagna, I'll eat the lasagna, but I don't really like lasagna. It's just the lesser of two evils.  But my MIL thinks I really like lasagna because those were my choices once and the lasagna is what I chose.  Now, she will make a point of making me a lasagna because she "knows" that Iike it.  But I don't really.  But I don't tell her that I don't much like it because I can handle eating it once in a while and I don't want to make her feel stressed trying to come up with a different meal to please me. 

 

So, if there's something you think she likes, be careful not to overdo it unless you're really sure she likes it.  Or else you'll be like the PP who had lemon dishes all weekend.

Edited October 14, 2017 by Garga

[elegantlion]

Yes, I'm that picky eater too. I would just eat enough to be polite if something I didn't like was served, especially when I was younger. I wouldn't expect a host to cater to my whims and would have been embarrassed had they pointed them out in front of others. Ds is picky too and will try things and has expanded his repertoire more than me. 

[SparklyUnicorn]

 

 

So, if there's something you think she likes, be careful not to overdo it unless you're really sure she likes it.  Or else you'll be like the PP who had lemon dishes all weekend.

 

Haha, yeahhhh.  Somehow my MIL thought I loved salmon.  I'll eat salmon, but I don't care for it.  So I've had it many times now..including my birthday cuz she knows how much I love it.  *sigh*

 

 

[Barb_]

One of the boyfriends is vegan and I find that difficult when he is in town with her for a week or ten days. I have two dd's who are vegetarian and I can work around that, but I do a lot of eggs, cheese and other dairy, home baked goods, etc I finally started handing them the credit card at the beginning of the week and asking them to please go shopping for his food as soon as they get here. I try to have something he can eat at every meal but he is able to round out his diet with the food he's used to eating. Not suggesting you do that because my situation is different. Just commiserating

[Starr]

We’ve been feeding young adults for years. I’m really open about being casual. They can eat what they want or not , whatever sauce they want, drinks etc. help yourself and I won’t be offended . Once you see what she eats you can more easily see that there is something on the table to avoid starvation.

[hornblower]

I bring a dish along, enough for everyone, after clearing it with the host. I ask what they are having so that my dish doesn't clash. I used to just bring a small portion, but someone would inevitably eat it before I got any! :)

 

see, I detest cooking. Left to my own devices 9/10 times I would have a smoothie or oatmeal or some left over curry.  

 

We try to keep that vegan lasagna (the one I shared recipe for in another thread a short while ago) and some lentil soup in the freezer as back ups for  things like this but the urge to cook doesn't strike any of us as frequently as it should so we keep depleting the freezer supply. 

 

This is why I really don't like going out to places. Not only do I have to get dressed and pry myself out of my house, now I have to bring a dish that is semi presentable? Why can't I just stay home with my netflix and curry leftovers???? /whine/ 

 

:D

 

 

 

 

[eternalsummer]

and also except a low carber.... :closedeyes:

 

well if you have a vegan and a low carber over for dinner it works - just give the bread to the vegan and the butter to the low carber.

 

:)

[eternalsummer]

see, I detest cooking. Left to my own devices 9/10 times I would have a smoothie or oatmeal or some left over curry.  

 

We try to keep that vegan lasagna (the one I shared recipe for in another thread a short while ago) and some lentil soup in the freezer as back ups for  things like this but the urge to cook doesn't strike any of us as frequently as it should so we keep depleting the freezer supply. 

 

This is why I really don't like going out to places. Not only do I have to get dressed and pry myself out of my house, now I have to bring a dish that is semi presentable? Why can't I just stay home with my netflix and curry leftovers???? /whine/ 

 

:D

 

 

 

 

 

In this situation what I do is bring (or send with the kids, if applicable) a freezer meal from the store.  It's almost always something that our kids (and I) would consider a treat/junk food, but that a non-vegan would probably disdain.  Fake mac&cheese, that tofu/veg/potato scramble from Annie's, a frozen burrito, etc.

[displace]

I'm not making a leap; she admitted she is "kinda picky." And then I asked her mom about it when she came to pick her up and mom said yeah, she pretty much doesn't like any vegetables; she's picky. And then mom said the daughter is actually a less choosy eater than she herself is. Heh.

In that case, I'd assume :)

[SparklyUnicorn]

well if you have a vegan and a low carber over for dinner it works - just give the bread to the vegan and the butter to the low carber.

 

:)

 

mmm..I like butter, but not THAT much! 

[Guest]

If you know something she likes and if you know ahead of time what night she will visit, you can save that dinner for when she visits. But you'll need to be SURE she really likes it. If I have to choose between ham or lasagna, I'll eat the lasagna, but I don't really like lasagna. It's just the lesser of two evils. But my MIL thinks I really like lasagna because those were my choices once and the lasagna is what I chose. Now, she will make a point of making me a lasagna because she "knows" that Iike it. But I don't really. But I don't tell her that I don't much like it because I can handle eating it once in a while and I don't want to make her feel stressed trying to come up with a different meal to please me.

This reminds me of a funny (but awkward) revelation I had. When we were each rotating bringing my MIL dinners (when she was still at her house but needed help), I brought lasagna rather a lot of times.

Finally my SIL said, "You know, she doesn't really like lasagna; she'll eat it but she doesn't like it much."

I said, "What do you mean?! She used to make it ALL the time; in fact, my recipe is *her recipe*!"

SIL said, "Yes, she made it a lot before William died, because it was his favorite. But she didn't ever like it much, she just made it for him."

 

Well, knock me over with a feather! I didn't have a clue!

[desertstrawberry5]

This thread is giving me all kinds of feelings. 

I cook mostly vegan, one dish meals. Mostly asian foods. The weird stuff that I have to travel 60 miles to get ingredients for. There is no possible way to discreetly not eat the icky part of my food  :crying: We do have rice, and pasta. So at least there's that. Oh, but it's whole grain pasta and brown rice, so maybe even that is weird. 

I do bring a dish most of the time, just to be sure there is something yummy on the table for myself. And it is usually quite popular. And everyone is always so surprised that it's good.  :confused1:  

Maybe my kids friends will never eat here  :sad: Unless they love thai food. :drool5:

[Sandwalker]

 

 

see, I detest cooking. Left to my own devices 9/10 times I would have a smoothie or oatmeal or some left over curry.

 

We try to keep that vegan lasagna (the one I shared recipe for in another thread a short while ago) and some lentil soup in the freezer as back ups for things like this but the urge to cook doesn't strike any of us as frequently as it should so we keep depleting the freezer supply.

 

This is why I really don't like going out to places. Not only do I have to get dressed and pry myself out of my house, now I have to bring a dish that is semi presentable? Why can't I just stay home with my netflix and curry leftovers???? /whine/

 

:D

 

 

 

 

[emoji23] I'd rather watch netflix most times myself! :D I do like to cook, though, and feed people. That's why I always fed my kids' friends. It was also a good way for me to keep track of the kinds of kids they were hanging around with. [emoji102]

[Sandwalker]

This thread is giving me all kinds of feelings.

 

I cook mostly vegan, one dish meals. Mostly asian foods. The weird stuff that I have to travel 60 miles to get ingredients for. There is no possible way to discreetly not eat the icky part of my food :crying: We do have rice, and pasta. So at least there's that. Oh, but it's whole grain pasta and brown rice, so maybe even that is weird.

 

I do bring a dish most of the time, just to be sure there is something yummy on the table for myself. And it is usually quite popular. And everyone is always so surprised that it's good. :confused1:

 

Maybe my kids friends will never eat here :sad: Unless they love thai food. :drool5:

You'd be surprised! I made all kinds of foods for my kids' friends, and had pretty good reviews. I make Thai green curry often, everyone loves that. I also use whole grain breads and pastas and brown or purple rice. Also quinoa, takes 2 seconds to make. The kids mostly liked trying new stuff, talking about weird veggies. Some of the choosy kids didn't eat much dinner, but I'm sure they didn't starve because....I like to bake. [emoji15]

I'm making the best chocolate cake again this Halloween. :D It's a pain, I usually make easy stuff, but this is truly great. http://chefchloe.com/recipes/sweets/haunted-halloween-layer-cake.html

[Arcadia]

I am a picky eater with many relatives being picky. My aunts who loves cooking (some have an indoor and outdoor kitchen) would cook up a storm so everyone has something they will eat.

 

However when we are a guest at a non-relative house, we just bring a dish even if it is take out from somewhere before going to someone’s house. I do come from a family culture that brings food (lots of snacks, some junk food, Panda Express takeouts) to someone’s house when visiting.

 

My DS12 eats cheese pizza and plain ramen. If he is ever a guest at someone’s house, I’m be tempted to make a pit stop at Whole Foods and buy him a large cheese pizza from the deli to bring with him since it would be weird to send instant cup noodles with him.

 

My problems with my in-laws are that they love to pry and they are shopaholics so my husband had to be their full time chauffeur to premium outlets when they visit. Food was never the issue since it was easy to eat before going to their home or eat late night supper after.

Edited October 15, 2017 by Arcadia

[snickerplum]

As a former picky eater (ok, semi-former) I have two thoughts.

1. It always made me feel so welcome and part of the family when my mil would make things that I liked on purpose. And likewise when my sil came into the picture (no pork, no onions - her list was much shorter than mine). It made me feel accepted. In elementary school a friend’s mom told me I would never be able to date because I was so picky, and I was so young I just believed her.

2. Of course there were times when she would make something I had never tried before. A few of them became new favorites that at first I felt compelled to eat in order to be polite.

I would ask or have ds ask for a list of things she likes and incorporate them. I wouldn’t keep those things on hand all the time, but include them every now and then.

You’re sweet to try and work something out.

 

 

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[knoxinsox]

As the mom and wife of extra picky eaters...

We follow Ellyn Satter's Division of Responsibliity.  I am responsible to cook, they are responsible for the actual eating.  This takes the emotions out of serving and trying to please.  I make sure that every meal has something that they can eat.  At home, my son will make himself a sandwich.  We've been at friends and NONE of my family ate but me.  They had sandwiches when they got home.  That doesn't stress me out anymore, but I feel bad for my friends. They try to scurry around and find something, anything for my poor picky pants to eat, like its their fault.  Its not.  I can assure you that they don't want to have attention drawn to them, and they would rather just eat a roll or whatever is on their list of safe foods.

 

I always ask guests so I can be careful of actual allergies and health concerns, and I won't serve exotic food thats all mixed together either.  I'm with the others, cook things that can be separated out or are in separate dishes.  Don't mix the salad dressing into the salad.  Or the veggies in with the meat. Serve the pasta plain rather than mixed with the sauce.  Put the meatballs on a separate plate.   Always have a bread.  I do this every single meal.  Sometimes they still won't eat it.  Sometimes they surprise me and I am full of joy and want to gush.  I don't make any mention of it.  No emotion.   This is 3 meals a day, 7 days a week.  A lot of picky eaters only eat beige foods--breads, pizza, pasta, cookies, chicken, cereal....most seem to have issues with veggies, since a lot of them are super tasters and veggies are mostly very strong tasting.   Others have aversions--maybe they ate something and got sick and puked, so they haven't eaten it since.   

 

I still put veggies and salad on the table.  I eat mostly vegetarian and will eat or try everything, but organ meat, sushi and a few veggies that upset my stomach. 

In many cultures around the world, people still eat a very narrow variety of food, unlike here in America where we have a huge variety, so maybe its the rest of us that are a little odd.  

[Guest]

. Don't mix the salad dressing into the salad.

Yeah, that is one thing I never do, for my own benefit. I'm very picky about dressings myself, mostly because I don't like mayonaisse, but also because most people seem to use a lot more dressing on salads than I do. When I get salads at restaurants, I always ask for dressing on the side and I use only a quarter of the amount they supply. :)

 

Same with pasta and sauce. I make a mean Bolognese sauce, if I say so myself, but it is always served separately. I like a smaller serving of sauce than many people seem to enjoy.

[marbel]

This thread is fascinating me.   I'm thinking about my daughter and her good friend, a girl who has spent a lot of time at our house.

 

I never know what to feed her, because her family seems to eat nothing but meatballs and baked ziti with meat sauce.  She constantly amazes me with revelations of things she's never eaten. Fresh raspberries. Plain yogurt.  Anything remotely Indian-ish.  We mostly have pizza when she comes over, or mac and cheese.  But if it's short notice, she is offered whatever I had planned. She eats a lot of bread and butter. :-)  She is a sweet girl and doesn't want to be a problem, and she's not. She doesn't see herself as picky; she just eats what her mom has always cooked. We don't hassle her for her narrow eating.  But it is kind of stunning to me. She was raised here in the Philly area, not a small rural town where choices are slim.

 

On the other hand, my daughter is a vegetarian.  So when she eats at her friend's house, her mom is thrown off.  I'm sure she's thinking, what the heck can I give this girl that doesn't contain meat!  At their house, my kid eats salad... and bread and butter.  :lol:   

[BarbecueMom]

I find it fascinating how many picky eaters will always eat bread and rolls. That is one thing my picky eater will never eat. We don't eat at other people's houses very often, but he'd just not eat rather than eat bread or potatoes. And he'll only eat white rice sprinkled with dried parsley and Taco Bell mild sauce.

 

Also my picky eater has zero filter on his mouth, so part of why we never eat anywhere is that he has to give at-table reviews (positive and negative) of every aspect of the served meal. I hope he's fully grasped why he can't do that by the time he starts dating.

[SparklyUnicorn]

I find it fascinating how many picky eaters will always eat bread and rolls. That is one thing my picky eater will never eat. We don't eat at other people's houses very often, but he'd just not eat rather than eat bread or potatoes. And he'll only eat white rice sprinkled with dried parsley and Taco Bell mild sauce.

 

Also my picky eater has zero filter on his mouth, so part of why we never eat anywhere is that he has to give at-table reviews (positive and negative) of every aspect of the served meal. I hope he's fully grasped why he can't do that by the time he starts dating.

 

I have an at-table food reviewer.  :laugh:   It's not my picky eater who does it though.  It doesn't bother me, but it did cause problems once with someone else. 

[BarbecueMom]

I have an at-table food reviewer. :laugh: It's not my picky eater who does it though. It doesn't bother me, but it did cause problems once with someone else.

I blame Gordon Ramsey. My oldest non-picky son does know better, but once he took points off my cooking for "presentation", even using a British accent. I didn't know whether to scold or laugh. I think I did both simultaneously.

[Arcadia]

I have an at-table food reviewer. :laugh: It's not my picky eater who does it though. It doesn't bother me, but it did cause problems once with someone else.

My youngest does that too but is better at social etiquette now :lol: My picky eater would just not eat and be silent.

 

I blame Gordon Ramsey. My oldest non-picky son does know better, but once he took points off my cooking for "presentation", even using a British accent. I didn't know whether to scold or laugh. I think I did both simultaneously.

Iron Chef Japan edition is pickier about presentation.

[SparklyUnicorn]

My youngest does that too but is better at social etiquette now :lol: My picky eater would just not eat and be silent.

 

 

Iron Chef Japan edition is pickier about presentation.

 

He once told someone her grilled cheese was very good, but would be better with ham.  She was literally extremely upset about this.  He was 10 at the time and I always put ham on my grilled cheese sandwiches so that's what he was used to. 

 

I thought her reaction was rather over the top.  Oh well.  What can ya do?

[BarbecueMom]

He once told someone her grilled cheese was very good, but would be better with ham. She was literally extremely upset about this. He was 10 at the time and I always put ham on my grilled cheese sandwiches so that's what he was used to.

 

I thought her reaction was rather over the top. Oh well. What can ya do?

I had to eat in a restaurant yesterday and ordered a 4-cheese grilled cheese with bacon. He wasn't wrong that grilled cheese with pork > grilled cheese w/o pork.

[regentrude]

I have a picky eater and solve the problem serving modular meal. Each person can choose the components they want to eat. This can easily accommodate different tastes. Just don't mix everything together.

My ds eats the meat and the starch. I eat heaps of veggies. Dh eats some of everything.

Edited October 15, 2017 by regentrude

[Catwoman]

He once told someone her grilled cheese was very good, but would be better with ham. She was literally extremely upset about this. He was 10 at the time and I always put ham on my grilled cheese sandwiches so that's what he was used to.

 

I thought her reaction was rather over the top. Oh well. What can ya do?

I wouldn't have thought that was rude. He complimented the sandwich before he suggested a way to make it even better. I think she was overly sensitive.

 

Also, hello! It's grilled cheese! She didn't exactly slave for hours getting it ready.

[Crimson Wife]

With my youngest's food intolerances, I do a lot of compartmentalized meals so that the base is gluten- and dairy-free but those of us who can tolerate those ingredients can add them. Not a lot of casseroles or one-pot dishes. I would think the same is easy to do for a meat-and-potatoes type eater.

[SparklyUnicorn]

I wouldn't have thought that was rude. He complimented the sandwich before he suggested a way to make it even better. I think she was overly sensitive.

 

Also, hello! It's grilled cheese! She didn't exactly slave for hours getting it ready.

 

And she asked.  Don't ask if you don't really want an answer.  LOL