Am I overreacting?

[unsinkable]

DH is out of surgery and in recovery. I haven't gotten to see him yet. It was a carciniod tumor and now they are doing a biopsy his lymph nodes to check if it is the rare aggressive form or typical.

 

The waiting room is nice a big. Boys have done great. DD is home resting.

I'm hoping all goes smoothly with his recovery!

 

:grouphug:

[Guest]

I'm so glad the surgery went well; praying for a "good" biopsy.

 

(Count me as another one who would rather not have a constant stream of visitors in the hospital.  Ugh.  If people want to be helpful, go to my house and make sure the plants are watered, the animals are fed, the bills are paid, etc.)

[Seasider]

Not necessarily. At a recent visit to cardiac ICU, the visitor limit was 2 and the "waiting room" was 6 chairs next to a for-profit snack kiosk and the elevators along a wall in an open hallway just outside the unit. Given that the cardiac ICU held 12 beds, and that there was no privacy for conversations, it was a miserable freaking experience.

 

IME, day surgery has a decent waiting room, but the other waiting rooms in hospitals have been cannibalized for floorspace for beds. I can give several specific examples--but none of the on-floor wait rooms had more than 1-2 couches and 3-4 chairs.

 

The only real waiting space is in the cafeteria these days.

I had a similar experience with a parent following a significant procedure, with a couple of days in ICU. The surgeon advised the closest family members (me and one other relative) that it would be best to establish a no visitor policy aside from the two of us. He felt that it would be in the patient's best interest to not use energy that way, especially since a couple of days of serious meds needed to be used. Edited August 15, 2017 by Seasider

[scrapbookbuzz]

You are not overreacting. A surgery like that is nothing to take lightly!

Plus, the hospital may not even let her in the ward your DH will be in if she shows any signs of being ill.

I think you all made the right decision! 

[foxbridgeacademy]

I would bring her to dinner and have her sit same side of the table as DH, but separated by a person.  I would also bring her to the hospital and even consider having her wear a mask if you are this nervous.  I think it would be very difficult for a child to have no contact with her dad right before he has a major, stressful surgery.  Have DH and DD practice good hygiene... but ultimately, he is as likely to pick up a germ from kitchen or wait staff who go in to work sick, form the hospital germs, from who-knows-where, so he may as well get in some quality time with his DD!  

:iagree:

 

I'm also going to add that if it was me I'd want to see my child for every moment I had prior to major surgery just in case things went wrong.  I probably would have trouble expressing this to DH I wouldn't want to make him feel bad or worry more.  

[Catwoman]

:iagree:

 

I'm also going to add that if it was me I'd want to see my child for every moment I had prior to major surgery just in case things went wrong. I probably would have trouble expressing this to DH I wouldn't want to make him feel bad or worry more.

:iagree: :iagree: :iagree:

[sassenach]

Wow. Harsh. :glare:

 

I specifically posted that you should do whatever works best for your family. I also said I'm very sorry that your family has had to deal with your dh being repeatedly hospitalized.

 

We have different perspectives; that's all. You can feel free to take offense at my posts, but I assure you that none was intended. If you're happy with your choices, why would you care at all that I do things differently?

 

Your way works best for you and my way works best for me. We don't have to be the same way, and we don't have to approve of each other's methods. It doesn't mean we don't like each other or that we don't agree on a lot of other things. People disagree on this forum all the time. It's not a big deal. We are both free to post our opinions.

 

I'm sorry if I offended you, but I think you're really overreacting here.

 

If this was real life, I would honestly call this gaslighting. 

 

You made the statement that leaving kids home is "cold." 

 

I said that was an inappropriate value judgment and that each family should make the decision that's best for them.

 

You responded with a direct critique of how my family handles this decision. 

 

I responded by correcting your misperceptions and repeating again that one decision is not better than the other. 

 

And this response, frankly, doesn't fit with those interactions. It ignores the basic gist of what both you and I said and instead focuses on the well-wishes that you attached to your critique. 

 

 

In the end, I hope you actually believe what you typed above, because it was exactly my point all along. I think we can call this conversation closed. Any point to be made has either been made or been missed completely. It's hard to tell.

SaveSave

Edited August 15, 2017 by Sassenach

[ktgrok]

Just wanted to tell the OP my mom had one lobe of her lung removed many years ago. Definitely a lot of pain at first, but she recovered well with no real impediments on her life. Praying. 

[Catwoman]

If this was real life, I would honestly call this gaslighting.

 

You made the statement that leaving kids home is "cold."

 

I said that was an inappropriate value judgment and that each family should make the decision that's best for them.

 

You responded with a direct critique of how my family handles this decision.

 

I responded by correcting your misperceptions and repeating again that one decision is not better than the other.

 

And this response, frankly, doesn't fit with those interactions. It ignores the basic gist of what both you and I said and instead focuses on the well-wishes that you attached to your critique.

 

 

In the end, I hope you actually believe what you typed above, because it was exactly my point all along. I think we can call this conversation closed. Any point to be made has either been made or been missed completely. It's hard to tell.

Save

Save

Gaslighting? Really? :glare: That's ridiculous.

 

And can you please tell me exactly where I stated that leaving kids home is "cold?"

 

I never said any such thing.

 

I did say that I thought older kids and teens should be allowed to go to the hospital if they wanted to be there, and in loowit's case, I supported bringing her kids because her dh specifically wanted them to be there.

 

The only time I said I thought anything was "cold" was in the post I'm quoting below, and it had nothing to do with leaving kids at home. At the time, I was talking about people not wanting to be at the hospital. I don't know how you managed to misinterpret me so completely.

 

:iagree: :iagree: :iagree:

It seems so cold to not want to be there when a loved one is having surgery, even though you know you can't actually do anything for him or her. If nothing else, family and close friends can support each other -- and it is a little easier to feel like you're worrying together, instead of worrying all alone. Also, having company can make the time seem to pass more quickly while you're waiting for the surgeon to come out and tell you how it went.

I don't know how I would have gotten through everything that has happened with my dh without my ds being there with me. The three of us are like our own little team and we stick together, especially during stressful times.

You seem to want to believe that I have been attacking you in this thread and that I have bad intentions, but it's simply not true.

 

And really, gaslighting? Give me a break.

[katilac]

They do not all sit together in hospital waiting rooms while a family member has surgery; extended family members do not travel for this purpose. They also don't all hang out at the maternity ward when a baby is born. I just don't see any rational reason.

 

I don't think it's the type of thing that's based on rational reason. The number of people that descend upon the hospital whenever someone in my family is having a baby definitely defies reason. 

 

I think that it's funny that people are arguing about this since the OP has already resolved the issue.

 

 

I think that it's funny that people are surprised when a WTM thread goes on and on or veers off-course. At this point, should we really expect anything else?  :lol:

 

 Count me as another one who would rather not have a constant stream of visitors in the hospital.  

 

In my family, there's not always a constant stream of visitors to the patient. It depends on your personality and what your close family members advise. There is, however, almost certainly a constant stream of visitors in and out of the waiting room. I will say that most of them are doing somewhat useful stuff whilst there, such as delivering food or clothes, or picking up the house key in order to water the plants and feed the pets! 

 

Unsinkable, I'm not sure this is what you meant, but the culture in the waiting area of the trauma center I experienced had very strong vibes of simmering violence coupled with the fear that innocent bystanders were about to be in need of the trauma center themselves. Not nearly as much fun as the maternity ward.

 

OP, I hope for continuing good news!  

[Laura Corin]

NM

 

Edited August 15, 2017 by Laura Corin

[lorie86]

Skype sounds like a great solution - I wouldn't risk letting DH get the germs either. Sending positive thoughts your way.

[marbel]

NM,

 

Edited August 15, 2017 by marbel

[Catwoman]

Praying for your husband today, loowit, that the surgeons were able to remove all of the cancer and that it's not the very rare type you told us about. I hope he's not in too much pain and that you don't have to wait too long for the biopsy results. Waiting for test results is always so hard, especially when it's something this serious and scary. :grouphug:

[creekland]

Just seeing this now Loowit - and praying for good results and good recovery.   :grouphug:

[unsinkable]

I don't think it's the type of thing that's based on rational reason. The number of people that descend upon the hospital whenever someone in my family is having a baby definitely defies reason.

 

 

I think that it's funny that people are surprised when a WTM thread goes on and on or veers off-course. At this point, should we really expect anything else? :lol:

 

 

In my family, there's not always a constant stream of visitors to the patient. It depends on your personality and what your close family members advise. There is, however, almost certainly a constant stream of visitors in and out of the waiting room. I will say that most of them are doing somewhat useful stuff whilst there, such as delivering food or clothes, or picking up the house key in order to water the plants and feed the pets!

 

Unsinkable, I'm not sure this is what you meant, but the culture in the waiting area of the trauma center I experienced had very strong vibes of simmering violence coupled with the fear that innocent bystanders were about to be in need of the trauma center themselves. Not nearly as much fun as the maternity ward.

 

OP, I hope for continuing good news!

Are you talking about a shooting? If there is a patient who was shot/attacked/etc and the perpetrator is at large, the ER is shut down except for patients and verified family/attendants, etc. They station police at all the entrances and police cars block the roads to access the ER and only patients are allowed through.

 

Other situations might involve a police officer or firefighter being injured...in that case the trauma waiting area is teeming with people, other people in the job, etc.

 

Even "ordinary" people at times have a dozen or more people waiting...And they settle in. Pillows, blankets, comfy clothes, food delivered.

 

There are situations were it is a sign of respect to show up, and if you don't, people notice and it is remembered.

 

Disclaimer: I'm not saying all trauma situations are like this.

[katilac]

Are you talking about a shooting? If there is a patient who was shot/attacked/etc and the perpetrator is at large, the ER is shut down except for patients and verified family/attendants, etc. 

 

Not perpetrator at large situations, but visitors in opposing camps in the waiting room. 

[unsinkable]

Not perpetrator at large situations, but visitors in opposing camps in the waiting room.

That's certainly unfortunate but not uncommon. Emotions are high, stress, too. Lots of fights occur at hospitals. One would hope pastoral care step in before it boils over or the police would separate combatants if a fight occurs.

[thessa516]

loowit, still thinking of you and your family.  :grouphug:

[Loowit]

I just wanted to give a brief update if anyone is interested.

 

DH was released from the hospital this afternoon.  He had a small air leak yesterday after surgery, but it was gone by this morning.  They removed the chest tube a few hours before he was released and this helped a lot with his comfort.  He has been doing pretty well all day, but this evening things got a bit rough.  We are trying to keep on top of pain management, making sure he is getting up and moving a bit, but also resting.  The hardest part right now is getting him to do his breathing exercises because it hurts, but he is trying.  We will probably get the test results from the lymph node biopsy at his follow up appointment next week.

 

DD is feeling much better, but still has a lingering cough.  She got a lot of rest while we were gone, which I think was good for her.  I am still keeping her away from DH, but they do sit across the room and talk to each other.  She is doing great at hand washing and minimizing the spread of germs.

[Catwoman]

Thank you for the update! I'll keep praying for your dh.

[creekland]

Still praying for a quick recovery and benign results.   :grouphug:  Thanks for the follow up.

[Catwoman]

Still praying here, too!

[sassenach]

I just wanted to give a brief update if anyone is interested.

 

DH was released from the hospital this afternoon. He had a small air leak yesterday after surgery, but it was gone by this morning. They removed the chest tube a few hours before he was released and this helped a lot with his comfort. He has been doing pretty well all day, but this evening things got a bit rough. We are trying to keep on top of pain management, making sure he is getting up and moving a bit, but also resting. The hardest part right now is getting him to do his breathing exercises because it hurts, but he is trying. We will probably get the test results from the lymph node biopsy at his follow up appointment next week.

 

DD is feeling much better, but still has a lingering cough. She got a lot of rest while we were gone, which I think was good for her. I am still keeping her away from DH, but they do sit across the room and talk to each other. She is doing great at hand washing and minimizing the spread of germs.

Thanks for the update. I sincerely hope that the biopsies are clear. Praying for that virus to clear out and your dh's lungs to recover well. (((Hugs))) to you all!