Bridal Showers

[Nemom]

So I learned today from a 20 something young lady that destination bridal showers are now a big thing.   :eek:   She is planning a trip to TN for a total of 10 girls this summer for her sister's wedding.  All of them are paying their own way and splitting the cost for the bride.  Later this year, she will be traveling to FL for a week for a friend's bridal shower.  

 

Have you heard of this??  

 

 

[catz]

No and ick.  As if going to someone's shower and wedding isn't expensive enough.  :huh: As a bride, I was barely comfortable with having a plain ole normal shower let alone having a large group paying to take me on a trip. 

[HTRMom]

Is it supposed to be a bachelorette party? I've heard of traveling for those, although I don't like it. I can't see flying someone far away, bringing gifts with you both ways. Silly!

 

 

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[FaithManor]

I have only heard of them in the context of bachelor's party which means just a small group of close friends going off for a party, but for their disapproving relatives calling it a "shower".

 

I never heard of it as an actual shower with a large group of people during the expense of significant travel plus gifts

[bettyandbob]

Ick ick ick!

 

You are asking friends to pay for you mini vacay. Yuck. Are they buying shower gifts too. Then having to come up with money for the wedding. Ugh.

[Nemom]

Ick ick ick!

 

You are asking friends to pay for you mini vacay. Yuck. Are they buying shower gifts too. Then having to come up with money for the wedding. Ugh.

 

She said she would still be buying shower gift, wedding gift, paying for dress, etc for her sister's wedding.  I did not ask for all the details of the friend's shower.

[Nemom]

Is it supposed to be a bachelorette party? I've heard of traveling for those, although I don't like it. I can't see flying someone far away, bringing gifts with you both ways. Silly!

 

 

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Hmm...she may have actually said bachelorette party rather than shower.  

 

Regardless, I think it ridiculous to ask your friends and family to fork out so much money for your wedding.  

[winterbaby]

I guess how much of an indulgence going to Florida is depends on your home location. Something like this assumes the friends are pretty privileged but I guess someone would know whether their friends are or not. If it's ten people splitting the bride's costs would be a relatively small add on. If it was somebody saying "my friends want me to join this and I can't" that would be one thing but as a third party I figure let the kids have their fun.

[Guest]

Sheesh. 

 

The summer between my sophomore and junior year of college, alllll the wedding invitations hit, like 20 of them.  I could NOT afford the wedding gifts, let alone the showers for all of these, and it was pretty much two a week when there weren't more overlapping.  I saw it coming, and moved 50 miles away for the summer.  

 

I can't imagine all this extra...oh my.  

 

 

 

 

[Arctic Bunny]

Another group I'm in: Someone's sister is getting married, and she wanted to plan a trip to Vegas for the stagette party. In my head, I was thinking "maaaaaybe if all her friends are double income no kids like you...." Now she's looking at a mountain getaway with horseback rides.

Maybe with people starting families later, there is just more disposable income and time for these kinds of trips. When I got married everyone was just starting out, and didn't even have a honeymoon themselves, much less a week away for a friend! Imagine getting the time off work, even.

 

Off to shake my cane at random people outside....

[HS Mom in NC]

New to me.  We didn't even have the 2 bride's maids, 2 groomsmen and flower girl pay for their own dresses/tuxes.  It was part of our $2,000 cost of our wedding.  Oh, and my husband flew 1 bride's maid in for me.  We didn't want our special day to be someone else's financial burden. 

Sheesh. No wonder America is in debt up to its eyeballs.

[MedicMom]

I suspect it's actually a bachelorette party. At least in my crowd, this is common. One of my friends actually went on a bachelorette trip with her bridesmaids and maid of honor to Atlantic City last week. My SIL wants to do one, but I haven't asked where yet.

 

None of the people in friend #1s bridal party have kids. Most are nurses with good jobs and a decent amount of disposable income. I am the only one in SIL's bridal party with children, one is recently married and the other two are not married and have no children. I suspect for most of them disposable income is not an issue.

 

These are not bridal showers, though.

Edited June 7, 2017 by MedicMom

[Calm37]

My daughters and her friends, 20 somethings, are only giving one gift, usually a nice shower gift. I noticed there were very few gifts at my son's wedding, and I found out this was why! So we're getting cheaper here (rural midwest). 

[lavender's green]

Judging by facebook posts, it seems common among my DINK friends from college, though probably with more of a bachelorette party slant. I think I was still 21, maybe just turned 22? when I had my shower and we were all too broke for that kind of thing!

[DesertBlossom]

To each their own. But marriage is about forming a brand new family unit. Stuff like this makes it feel like it's all about the parties.

[Seasider]

My daughters and her friends, 20 somethings, are only giving one gift, usually a nice shower gift. I noticed there were very few gifts at my son's wedding, and I found out this was why! So we're getting cheaper here (rural midwest).

With all the extra things, especially travel, that the young attendants are expected to participate in for weddings these days, it's no wonder. There's no money left to buy gifts, too.

[gardenmom5]

nope.  it's absurd, and dh has a number of nieces who did destination weddings. (one side - they married in the country their spouse was from- the other it was deliberate to keep a particular relative from attending the wedding.  only immediate family were wiling to fork out those kind of bucks.)

[J-rap]

Yes, I've head of this, and also destination bachelor parties.  It seems like everything is getting more expensive and extreme.  I think it's interesting how financial expectations people have (for what should be affordable for everyone) is slowly increasing.

[Seasider]

Yes, I've head of this, and also destination bachelor parties. It seems like everything is getting more expensive and extreme. I think it's interesting how financial expectations people have (for what should be affordable for everyone) is slowly increasing.

It's one thing if someone wants to do it on his/her own. But the expectation that everyone is happy to fork out cash to join in is unrealistic. Even if the bride/groom pay for everyone to attend, there's lost time at work, either forgoing earnings or using vacation days in a way dictated by someone else.

 

On top of it, there's pressure from family and friends to go along, because you love them and want to support them, don't you? It's really out of hand.

 

FWIW, I understand when couples come from different international hometowns, when couples are older and their peer groups have more disposable income and time, but that's not what I'm seeing.

[Scarlett]

New to me.  We didn't even have the 2 bride's maids, 2 groomsmen and flower girl pay for their own dresses/tuxes.  It was part of our $2,000 cost of our wedding.  Oh, and my husband flew 1 bride's maid in for me.  We didn't want our special day to be someone else's financial burden. 

 

Sheesh. No wonder America is in debt up to its eyeballs.

 

 

No kidding.  So ridiculous.  Weddings have become sort of test for brides to see who loves them enough to go in debt for them.  It seems. 

 

I like weddings.  I hope to help my own sons with theirs someday.  I won't be borrowing money or taking from our need to do so though.  I mean good grief it is one day in what I hope is 50 or 60 years of marriage.

[Scarlett]

To each their own. But marriage is about forming a brand new family unit. Stuff like this makes it feel like it's all about the parties.

 

 

Exactly.  Ugh.  I think it creates an unrealistic beginning... then the marriage is just a let down when reality hits and the parties stop.

[FaithManor]

What I want to know is WHO HAS THIS MUCH VACATION????

 

When dh was young in his career, he had a maximum of five days vacation for an entire year, and of that, he was required to save two for six days.

 

There would be no way we'd have had a wedding, honeymoon, AND a destination bachelor/ette party on top of that! People had jobs to maintain. Are these people getting jobs with two or three weeks paid vacation early in their careers?

[heartlikealion]

well someone I know got married recently and she and her gfs went somewhere for what I think was the bachelorette party. I think it was a surprise to the bride, though. Like maybe she knew the date and vague destination but didn't know the exact hotel.

[heartlikealion]

What I want to know is WHO HAS THIS MUCH VACATION????

 

When dh was young in his career, he had a maximum of five days vacation for an entire year, and of that, he was required to save two for six days.

 

There would be no way we'd have had a wedding, honeymoon, AND a destination bachelor/ette party on top of that! People had jobs to maintain. Are these people getting jobs with two or three weeks paid vacation early in their careers?

 

I think some of these are just a weekend getaway.

 

Dh and I were nervous about taking vacation days at our jobs so when we got married we returned to work the following Monday I believe. We both worked jobs where the doors rarely closed. He was at Blockbuster at the time and they were open all the time. Like, I think even Christmas Day. He'd ask off for Christmas day but I think sometimes work Christmas Eve. It was insane. I worked at a newspaper that published 6 issues a week and we rarely closed on weekdays (I worked M-F).

 

Edited June 7, 2017 by heartlikealion

[Zinnia]

What I want to know is WHO HAS THIS MUCH VACATION????

 

When dh was young in his career, he had a maximum of five days vacation for an entire year, and of that, he was required to save two for six days.

 

There would be no way we'd have had a wedding, honeymoon, AND a destination bachelor/ette party on top of that! People had jobs to maintain. Are these people getting jobs with two or three weeks paid vacation early in their careers?

 

I was a nurse before kids.  And, like is common in many circles, I had a lot of medical friends.  We all worked wonky schedules, so we could get away without taking vacation time.  Or have 5 days off, taking one day of vacation time.  Work Thanksgiving day....have a random weekend day off instead.  Stuff like that.  

 

I've never had a straight M-F job, and when I met dh, it was quite a shock.  LOL

[Nemom]

I think some of these are just a weekend getaway.

 I believe Nashville is about a 12 hour drive for these girls.  Florida is definitely a plane ride.  So neither one of the trips I mentioned would be a weekend getaway.

[Guest]

I don't really even understand destination weddings, at least not if you want other people to come. (I have known people who had a destination wedding alone, sort of a wedding/honeymoon rolled together, and then came back and had a party. I don't think this is a half-bad idea.)

 

When I got married, I was very mindful of what the bridesmaid's dresses would cost because I had been in several weddings by then and I had the pile of fushia/teal/mauve taffeta dresses to prove it. My mother made all my bridesmaids dresses and I chose a simple but elegant style (in black) so they really might wear them again.

[EmseB]

I don't think it's gross, per se. With how much people move nowadays, almost any event is going to have people traveling in. I wouldn't think it's much differentent than planning a girls' weekend anywhere else for any other reason. I don't "do" those kinds of trips, but I don't think they are off at all.

[EmseB]

ETA: I flew 3,000 miles once to surprise my best friend for her baby shower, and my wedding was not purposefully billed as a "destination" wedding, but most people had to come from out of town because almost none of my family and friends live in the same state as I do, or each other.

 

So maybe I have a skewed perspective.

Edited June 7, 2017 by EmseB

[heartlikealion]

 I believe Nashville is about a 12 hour drive for these girls.  Florida is definitely a plane ride.  So neither one of the trips I mentioned would be a weekend getaway.

 

wow. Well at least if someone did that they could use the weekend as part of their time and then add a day or two of vacation leave, especially if it falls on a 3 day weekend. Just thinking of ways people do these things without requesting off too much time from work.

 

[HS Mom in NC]

I don't really even understand destination weddings, at least not if you want other people to come. (I have known people who had a destination wedding alone, sort of a wedding/honeymoon rolled together, and then came back and had a party. I don't think this is a half-bad idea.)

 

 

Oldest is planning this for her wedding next year.  It will be the couple, officiant, photographer and a couple of witnesses for the wedding in coastal Northern CA or OR where they're planning to honeymoon.  They'll have a reception back home later.  Family dynamics are extremely complicated with extended family and most of the parents and grandparents are divorced and remarried.  Everyone is local or near local (within a 2 hour drive) and they're all over the spectrum in personality, politics and religion.  They don't want to deal with that on their actual wedding day. It's a great solution. I don't want to deal with it either.  I will if that's what they want, but if they don't, why would we?

[FaithManor]

The problem with disdain of destination weddings is that in this age, more and more couples do not reside in the same state or sometimes even region as their parents. These same couples are very much paying for their weddings. We talk about it here a lot, about parental costs, what we will and will not do for our kids' weddings, etc. however, we are a fairly traditional lot, and maybe as home schoolers a lot more prone to planning about it. But it should be noted that a much larger percentage of couples are older than the previous generation and established in careers elsewhere as well as paying for their weddings. 

 

As such, they are holding their weddings where they reside. This makes sense. If I had been gone from my parents' town for years and were planning the whole thing, I'd have it where I was at too since I'd likely be working full time in that locale.

 

This makes it a destination wedding no matter how you look at it.

 

And when I was in college most of my friends were meeting their future husbands as did I, and not a one of us married a man who was from our home state. Not just that but the vast majority of us had fiances who were from coastal areas a good 1200 miles or more from college, and for me, 1500 from dh's home! There was nowhere to host it that didn't make it a destination wedding for one side or the other.

 

My kids' generation is going to be even more mobile, likely moving numerous times in order to stay employed post college, so I expect that long distance wedding travel will be in my future.

 

But this bachelorette party thing seems pretty pricey. I guess if the gals can all afford it, or the bride has the cash to pay for her friends, then no harm no foul. However, if I were asked to be in someone's wedding and already had to pony up for the dress that will never be worn again, shoes, hairdo, etc, I'd not be happy if there was pressure to self-pay for something like this!

[Guest]

I don't really even understand destination weddings, at least not if you want other people to come. (I have known people who had a destination wedding alone, sort of a wedding/honeymoon rolled together, and then came back and had a party. I don't think this is a half-bad idea.)

 

When I got married, I was very mindful of what the bridesmaid's dresses would cost because I had been in several weddings by then and I had the pile of fushia/teal/mauve taffeta dresses to prove it. My mother made all my bridesmaids dresses and I chose a simple but elegant style (in black) so they really might wear them again.

After the dresses piled up, I took them to a high school theater department. They were happy to get them. I was certainly never going to wear any of them again. I might have worn one again--if I had learned to yodel and carry milkpails on a yoke. Ugh.

[Guest]

The problem with disdain of destination weddings is that in this age, more and more couples do not reside in the same state or sometimes even region as their parents. These same couples are very much paying for their weddings. We talk about it here a lot, about parental costs, what we will and will not do for our kids' weddings, etc. however, we are a fairly traditional lot, and maybe as home schoolers a lot more prone to planning about it. But it should be noted that a much larger percentage of couples are older than the previous generation and established in careers elsewhere as well as paying for their weddings.

 

As such, they are holding their weddings where they reside. This makes sense. If I had been gone from my parents' town for years and were planning the whole thing, I'd have it where I was at too since I'd likely be working full time in that locale.

 

This makes it a destination wedding no matter how you look at it.

 

And when I was in college most of my friends were meeting their future husbands as did I, and not a one of us married a man who was from our home state. Not just that but the vast majority of us had fiances who were from coastal areas a good 1200 miles or more from college, and for me, 1500 from dh's home! There was nowhere to host it that didn't make it a destination wedding for one side or the other.

 

My kids' generation is going to be even more mobile, likely moving numerous times in order to stay employed post college, so I expect that long distance wedding travel will be in my future.

 

But this bachelorette party thing seems pretty pricey. I guess if the gals can all afford it, or the bride has the cash to pay for her friends, then no harm no foul. However, if I were asked to be in someone's wedding and already had to pony up for the dress that will never be worn again, shoes, hairdo, etc, I'd not be happy if there was pressure to self-pay for something like this!

That's not what "destination wedding" means. It isn't the same thing as saying, "Well, I love Aruba and want to go there anyway, so we'll make the wedding in Aruba. Hopefully, family and friends will come as well." If you LIVE in Aruba, well then, yeah, it probably makes sense to get married there and hope some folks can come.

[ktgrok]

I've seen a lot of bachelorette parties like this. Seems extravagant, but yeah, I'm seeing it. 

[ktgrok]

Oldest is planning this for her wedding next year.  It will be the couple, officiant, photographer and a couple of witnesses for the wedding in coastal Northern CA or OR where they're planning to honeymoon.  They'll have a reception back home later.  Family dynamics are extremely complicated with extended family and most of the parents and grandparents are divorced and remarried.  Everyone is local or near local (within a 2 hour drive) and they're all over the spectrum in personality, politics and religion.  They don't want to deal with that on their actual wedding day. It's a great solution. I don't want to deal with it either.  I will if that's what they want, but if they don't, why would we?

 

That's what we did. Me and Dh and a photographer, a videographer, and the officiant. The photographer and videographer were our witnesses. We had a casual party at our house a month later. We saved a ton of money, and it kept my DH's crazy family from causing any issues. 

[Seasider]

That's what we did. Me and Dh and a photographer, a videographer, and the officiant. The photographer and videographer were our witnesses. We had a casual party at our house a month later. We saved a ton of money, and it kept my DH's crazy family from causing any issues.

But see, this and what mom in AZ described are what I consider an elopement.

[kitten18]

My niece's both had big bachelorette weekends. All their bridesmaids and a few other friends, and my sister went. They were 28 and 27 at the time and have good jobs. None of their friends have kids yet.

They had a blast, I wish I would have been able to get away and go with them.

 

There's a lot of judgement here about how other people choose to spend their money and time.

[heartlikealion]

But see, this and what mom in AZ described are what I consider an elopement.

 

I'm not sure if I'd call it an elopement but when I hear "destination wedding" I kind of pictured more people. I guess to me elopement might be just the couple and witnesses, no parents and probably no photographer.

[Guest]

My niece's both had big bachelorette weekends. All their bridesmaids and a few other friends, and my sister went. They were 28 and 27 at the time and have good jobs. None of their friends have kids yet.

They had a blast, I wish I would have been able to get away and go with them.

 

There's a lot of judgement here about how other people choose to spend their money and time.

To me, there's no judgement on how the bride and groom/their families spend money. If they have tons of money and want to have an amazing, all-out bash, go wild. This thread is about the bride essentially putting the expenses and time on other people because that's what she wants.

[Guest]

But see, this and what mom in AZ described are what I consider an elopement.

I consider that an elopement, too, or a very small wedding.

 

My SIL and BIL got married on a tropical island, with an officiant and a photographer. When they returned, they had a reception. I don't consider that a "destination wedding," because they didn't want or expect anybody to come too.

 

My brother grew up here on the East Coast, but moved to the mountains as an adult. He got married in the mountains. I did come and make a little vacation out of it, because that is a beautiful place to visit. But that was not a "destination wedding," either. That was him getting married where he now lives, which happens to be a scenic and beautiful part of the country.

 

What I think is questionable about actual destination weddings is that it imposes a significant amount of time and money from anyone who wants to attend. NOW - maybe a bride has a wealthy circle of family and friends who think it's just an awesome idea, who are happy to have a good excuse to go away for a few days to have a party together. I guess that's fine if that's the circle in which you hang. That would not describe the majority of people with whom I hang.

 

But I definitely understand having an elopement or tiny wedding to side-step dysfunctional family members and avoid people's weird expectations.

[marbel]

That's not what "destination wedding" means. It isn't the same thing as saying, "Well, I love Aruba and want to go there anyway, so we'll make the wedding in Aruba. Hopefully, family and friends will come as well." If you LIVE in Aruba, well then, yeah, it probably makes sense to get married there and hope some folks can come.

 

Yeah, how can it be a destination wedding when the couple live there?  

 

By that definition, any wedding where people have to travel is a destination wedding.   Not so.

 

I'm going to a wedding next week, here in PA. The couple live here.  But the families are in the west coast of the US, and eastern Canada. They have to travel.  But the couple didn't pick this place to get married because it's so wonderful here. This is their home. Their church is here. Friends are here.   Not a destination wedding.

[ktgrok]

But see, this and what mom in AZ described are what I consider an elopement.

Yeah, we've never been sure what to call it. I always thought an elopement was a secret but we told people. It was all planned out. Is it still an elopement then? Definitely not a destination wedding. I just call it "a private ceremony". But maybe it is an elopement?

 

(I'm okay if it is...sounds more romantic...eloping to Scotland!)

[ktgrok]

My niece's both had big bachelorette weekends. All their bridesmaids and a few other friends, and my sister went. They were 28 and 27 at the time and have good jobs. None of their friends have kids yet.

They had a blast, I wish I would have been able to get away and go with them.

 

There's a lot of judgement here about how other people choose to spend their money and time.

 

I don't judge on how others spend their money, but when my best friend got married I couldn't go to her bachelorette party because it was so expensive and I couldn't take that much time away from my young baby. Had it been a traditional one night local event I could have gone to at least part of it. So it really does limit people. And my friend wasn't in on the planning, so I don't blame her, it was her sister that set it all up. 

[marbel]

Yeah, we've never been sure what to call it. I always thought an elopement was a secret but we told people. It was all planned out. Is it still an elopement then? Definitely not a destination wedding. I just call it "a private ceremony". But maybe it is an elopement?

 

(I'm okay if it is...sounds more romantic...eloping to Scotland!)

 

I had to look it up.  From Merriam-Webster:

 

Recently, the way people use the words elope and elopement seems to have shifted. To those who consider the most common sense of this word, “to run away secretly with the intention of getting married usually without parental consent,†as sacrosanct as a wedding vow, this can be unsettling. If eloping no longer means “running away from furious and disapproving parents in the dead of night in order to get hitched,†and instead just means “small weddingâ€â€”or worse, "small destination wedding"—then we might well ask ourselves, "is nothing sacred?"

 

The article goes on from there, about how the meaning of the word is changing.  

 

 

 

 

Edited June 8, 2017 by marbel

[FaithManor]

That's not what "destination wedding" means. It isn't the same thing as saying, "Well, I love Aruba and want to go there anyway, so we'll make the wedding in Aruba. Hopefully, family and friends will come as well." If you LIVE in Aruba, well then, yeah, it probably makes sense to get married there and hope some folks can come.

But it doesn't change the fact that people get very upset about having to travel to weddings, or declining because the bride and groom live in PNW and aunt so and so lives in Georgia. People express extreme disdain about this kind of stuff.

 

The list of what out of town guests expect the bride and groom to do for them is very large. We have had threads on this board where people have complained about there not being childcare staffing, the bride and groom not paying for their hotels, not providing enough meals for out of town relatives, not having it in their parent's home town even though the bride and groom live no where close to that location, not having it in the family church though the bride and groom do not practice the religion, having cake and punch only, having food instead of cake and punch only,having decorations, not having decorations, having it outside, you name it. Weddings bring out the insanity in relatives.

 

Again, not a fan of burdening a bridal party with expensive trip parties. Not at all. But I also do not hang with the crowd that my niece, the professional event planner, does. That crowd has SERIOUS money so they do things like this all the time and do not blink about the costs. It does appear that these are people who have been settled in careers a long time and have lots of vacation days to play with.

 

And as a former planner I absolutely do know what the cultural term of destination wedding means. But regardless of how it is traditionally used, it does not change the fact that by default most weddings now are an expensive, travel situation for a portion if not significant number of guests and relatives. So I am not certain if it matters if one invites them to California for the wedding in a church close to the couple which is going to cost that guest a $1000.00 to attend, or for a three day $699.00 expedia special to Jamaica.

 

Now all that said. We tend to focus on outliers on these wedding threads. Just like the average cost one. The vast majority of couples are not spending crazy dough on luxury events nor are they having destination bachelor's parties, and multi-thousand dollar showers despite what "The Knot" and "Pinterest" want the world to believe.

 

Social media does make what a small minority of people do seem like a LOT of people are doing it. I think if there was a survey of every couple married in 2016 done, we would find that destination bachelor's parties or "showers" are by far not the norm.

[EmseB]

To me, there's no judgement on how the bride and groom/their families spend money. If they have tons of money and want to have an amazing, all-out bash, go wild. This thread is about the bride essentially putting the expenses and time on other people because that's what she wants.

I'm not understanding. Can someone not decline an invitation to the events you're talking about? Even if it was my BFF getting married, if I'm not able to go, I'm not able to go. Right?

[EmseB]

Yeah, how can it be a destination wedding when the couple live there?

 

By that definition, any wedding where people have to travel is a destination wedding. Not so.

 

I'm going to a wedding next week, here in PA. The couple live here. But the families are in the west coast of the US, and eastern Canada. They have to travel. But the couple didn't pick this place to get married because it's so wonderful here. This is their home. Their church is here. Friends are here. Not a destination wedding.

I think the point is that the expense to people having to travel is the same no matter what it is called. And people are free to decline an invitation and not pay to travel whether it's "officially" a destination wedding/shower/bachelorette or not.

[catz]

I do think in the case of a destination shower or bachelorette party, it could be an expense that someone who agreed to be part of your wedding party may not have factored into the expenses.  I wouldn't have been comfortable with it as a bride and even as a professionally employed single person in my 20's there were periods of time where it would have been difficult to drop that kind of extra money to be part of every event of someone's wedding.   Many people would just choke it up and charge it without complaint.  I would have in my 20's. 

 

I actually don't have a problem with destination or travel for weddings.  You can invite.  People can decline.  There should be no expectation of travel even for close family IMO. 

[ktgrok]

I do think in the case of a destination shower or bachelorette party, it could be an expense that someone who agreed to be part of your wedding party may not have factored into the expenses.  

 

Yes. I felt terrible that as a close friend and bridesmaid I was missing the bacheolorette event, but I just couldn't afford the cost or the time to travel and do it. I'd not anticipated that when I agreed to be a bridesmaid. I budgeted to travel to her hometown for the bridal shower, and the wedding, and the bachelorette party but they did the party several hours further away, and included fancy travel party bus, etc.