Scarlett Posted February 28, 2017 Share Posted February 28, 2017 Dss has a dentist appt today. He is insured through his step dad. Dh asked dss's mom for the insurance info. It is always a problem. Like last time at a different dentist she had to call the info in because the step dad doesn't want us to have any of the info. This time dss's mom gave the info to dh and said, 'don't ever say you got this info from me please.' I just can't even. Why would she be with a man like that? Every time we have trouble at a doctor/dentist office the staff acts like it is nuts that we don't have a physical card in hand. Yesterday the dentist's wife (office manager) told me she runs into it fairly often...someone super paranoid about their info in these divorce/remarriage/blended family situations. I just wondered what you all think about it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monica_in_Switzerland Posted February 28, 2017 Share Posted February 28, 2017 Of course it's weird! That's ridiculous. Can your DH write directly to the insurance company and ask for a second card? The person with physical custody should certainly be the card holder. Seriously, that's insane and controlling and why dss's mom cannot give the information for dss's insurance that SHE is paying for is beyond any comprehension. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted February 28, 2017 Share Posted February 28, 2017 That would make me wonder what ex-wife has told her new husband about your husband. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted February 28, 2017 Author Share Posted February 28, 2017 Of course it's weird! That's ridiculous. Can your DH write directly to the insurance company and ask for a second card? The person with physical custody should certainly be the card holder. Seriously, that's insane and controlling and why dss's mom cannot give the information for dss's insurance that SHE is paying for is beyond any comprehension. Well, I guess her husband pays for the insurance. But regardless it is insane to me. And no we cannot get a card ourselves. Our attorney said the judge would insist she give us one, but we can't even get our attorney to finalize the custody/child support changes so this has been on the back burner for sure. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted February 28, 2017 Author Share Posted February 28, 2017 That would make me wonder what ex-wife has told her new husband about your husband. All bad. Of course. Otherwise how does she justify leaving her kid's father for another man. But after 9 years one would think that crap would fade. Her husband is just super paranoid about us knowing anything about him. They even tried to get put into custody papers that we would not ask dss any questions about his life/visits with them. Our attorney said that was insanity. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tess in the Burbs Posted February 28, 2017 Share Posted February 28, 2017 My dad was like that to my mom. He drove 2.5 hours to an orthopedic appointment for me rather than give her or me the insurance info. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted February 28, 2017 Author Share Posted February 28, 2017 At our house dss wears a suit to our religious services. So we keep one or two suits for him but they are expensive and well, teens keep growing! Anyway, at one point he had outgrown his suits at our house and his step dad had bought him one to wear to a graduation or something. They don't attend any other events ever that he would need a suit for. So he wanted to bring his suit to our house....he had to sneak it out in a suitcase so his step dad wouldn't see it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted February 28, 2017 Author Share Posted February 28, 2017 I have pieced together just about all the info I need on him for this type of stuff. He doesn't know of course that I have his DOB, SS number, phone number etc, company name etc. It really is not that difficult to gather this info if you just pay attention. He thinks he is so smart. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted February 28, 2017 Share Posted February 28, 2017 yes it's absurd- but being on the other side, there are super paranoid/angry people in the world. divorce cases seem to bring out more of them. my sil's mil was like that about a family recipe. the mil finally gave it to her son - on condition he not share it with his wife. (he did - just said don't tell mom.) I met this mil a few times . . . she had a few screws loose . . . . died several years ago. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monica_in_Switzerland Posted February 28, 2017 Share Posted February 28, 2017 I feel terrible for your dss. What a miserable situation to deal with. Why do they pay the insurance, if they make it nearly impossible to use it? Sheesh. My (divorced) parents did a lot of things wrong, but at least nothing this insane. They both were at least willing to put our needs first. It seems like the mom/step-dad are more concerned with their paranoia than dss having access to medical care??? 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Spryte Posted February 28, 2017 Share Posted February 28, 2017 At our house dss wears a suit to our religious services. So we keep one or two suits for him but they are expensive and well, teens keep growing! Anyway, at one point he had outgrown his suits at our house and his step dad had bought him one to wear to a graduation or something. They don't attend any other events ever that he would need a suit for. So he wanted to bring his suit to our house....he had to sneak it out in a suitcase so his step dad wouldn't see it. Oh yuck, that is ridiculous. And so, so familiar. I remember all kinds of issues like that arising, even though we tried to keep duplicates of every. single. thing. to the extent that at one point DSS was excited because he just knew he'd have 2 cars, because he'd have to have one for each house. Ummm. No. But I digress... We lived the same thing with the insurance card. DSS's mom insisted that she carry the insurance on DSS (more control that way), even though DH's company offered better coverage for less. Fine. But we were never, never allowed to have the card, or any info about it. It was crazy. And difficult to work around. And it made receptionist's roll their eyes at DSS's mom, on our behalf, a lot. Hang in there. The truth is this season will be over before you know it, though it's hard to believe when you're still in it. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monica_in_Switzerland Posted February 28, 2017 Share Posted February 28, 2017 p.s. Is his headache and fever better? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted February 28, 2017 Author Share Posted February 28, 2017 He claims he was a state trooper. And he claims he spent 7 years in prison. I kind of doubt both claims....but if he was a trooper he must have been one before prison right? I wouldn't think you could be a trooper after being in jail...anyway, I kind of worry about him.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted February 28, 2017 Author Share Posted February 28, 2017 I feel terrible for your dss. What a miserable situation to deal with. Why do they pay the insurance, if they make it nearly impossible to use it? Sheesh. My (divorced) parents did a lot of things wrong, but at least nothing this insane. They both were at least willing to put our needs first. It seems like the mom/step-dad are more concerned with their paranoia than dss having access to medical care??? I know. I can tell during normal conversations after he visits them that he is very guarded. I feel bad for him. I guess he added her kids because he already had his kids on his insurance and it costs no more....but she would NEVER take the kids to the dentist and since dh at that time only had dss every other weekend it was almost impossible for us to take him--timewise....but then when we needed to we couldn't get insurance info. One summer dss had a terrible rash over his body. I told dh to get the insurance info.....she texted back she couldn't....I told dh 'forget this nonsense I am taking him and paying out of pocket'.....on my way to the doctors office she came through with the insurance information...I immediately made an appt with a specialist he needed to see for another issue and got him in before he had to go back to her house that summer. But that kind of game playing is so stupid and exhausting and infuriating. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted February 28, 2017 Author Share Posted February 28, 2017 p.s. Is his headache and fever better? That was my son that was sick. He is much better this morning. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted February 28, 2017 Author Share Posted February 28, 2017 Oh yuck, that is ridiculous. And so, so familiar. I remember all kinds of issues like that arising, even though we tried to keep duplicates of every. single. thing. to the extent that at one point DSS was excited because he just knew he'd have 2 cars, because he'd have to have one for each house. Ummm. No. But I digress... We lived the same thing with the insurance card. DSS's mom insisted that she carry the insurance on DSS (more control that way), even though DH's company offered better coverage for less. Fine. But we were never, never allowed to have the card, or any info about it. It was crazy. And difficult to work around. And it made receptionist's roll their eyes at DSS's mom, on our behalf, a lot. Hang in there. The truth is this season will be over before you know it, though it's hard to believe when you're still in it. Thank you. I know it won't last forever....he is almost 16. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justasque Posted February 28, 2017 Share Posted February 28, 2017 Scarlet, I call my health insurance company to get new cards for my kids all the time. Our dental cards are ones we have to print ourselves, from the website. Do you have enough information that you can ask for cards directly from the insurance company? (Or can your dss make the call on his own behalf?) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted February 28, 2017 Author Share Posted February 28, 2017 I feel terrible for your dss. What a miserable situation to deal with. Why do they pay the insurance, if they make it nearly impossible to use it? Sheesh. My (divorced) parents did a lot of things wrong, but at least nothing this insane. They both were at least willing to put our needs first. It seems like the mom/step-dad are more concerned with their paranoia than dss having access to medical care??? I know. It really makes me appreciate my XH. He is a jerk in many ways, but he would NEVER make it difficult for me to care for ds. I have access to his insurance on line even so I can deal with the EOBs etc. if there is an issue. I was amused when I was trying to deal with a bill for ds and the clinic gave me a whole bunch of info on XH's medical procedures (I didn't ask, she was just reading stuff out loud) He had already told me all about his issues, but if he had not wanted me to know I guess too bad. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted February 28, 2017 Author Share Posted February 28, 2017 Scarlet, I call my health insurance company to get new cards for my kids all the time. Our dental cards are ones we have to print ourselves, from the website. Do you have enough information that you can ask for cards directly from the insurance company? (Or can your dss make the call on his own behalf?) Well, I think I could. But honestly I am afraid to rock the boat for XW's sake and for dss's sake. I went by the dentist office yesterday when dss wasn't with me and gave her all the info so dss doesn't even need to know that I know. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gingersmom Posted February 28, 2017 Share Posted February 28, 2017 Nothing surprises me. My X husband dropped my kids from his health insurance (court ordered he keep them insured) and never told me. For several months I had no idea they had no coverage. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted February 28, 2017 Author Share Posted February 28, 2017 Nothing surprises me. My X husband dropped my kids from his health insurance (court ordered he keep them insured) and never told me. For several months I had no idea they had no coverage. Ugh!!! I can't believe a father would do that. I mean even if he couldn't afford it or whatever, have a conversation with your children's mother!!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted February 28, 2017 Author Share Posted February 28, 2017 I told my mom about the text from XW and she said, 'she has got herself in a real mess....those kinds of issues can leave scars that really never heal.' She means XW being controlled by her husband. Then she told me that even now---15 years after marrying my step dad and 40 years after divorcing my dad--she STILL finds herself thinking up how she will explain some thing she purchased. My step dad would not mind anything my mom buys....but my dad was a real jerk and wouldn't let her have enough money for basic necessities. But even now she has that 'feeling' that she is going to get in trouble. Mom said, 'I guess she is finding out now that <my dh> wasn't so controlling after all.' I just can't figure out why she stays. Dh says because she thinks she can't make it on her own. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted February 28, 2017 Author Share Posted February 28, 2017 This step dad is so paranoid as to arouse my suspicion. I think he is just a big blowhard, but really his behavior is off the charts. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ktgrok Posted February 28, 2017 Share Posted February 28, 2017 Nothing surprises me. My X husband dropped my kids from his health insurance (court ordered he keep them insured) and never told me. For several months I had no idea they had no coverage. Mine did this too. Sigh. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ktgrok Posted February 28, 2017 Share Posted February 28, 2017 So crazy. We carry the insurance on my son because when Ex did he screwed up and forgot to pay it. Sigh. But ex was supposed to pay us back for it, hasn't in years. Whatever. I still make sure he has a copy of all the info on the card, etc. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted February 28, 2017 Author Share Posted February 28, 2017 So crazy. We carry the insurance on my son because when Ex did he screwed up and forgot to pay it. Sigh. But ex was supposed to pay us back for it, hasn't in years. Whatever. I still make sure he has a copy of all the info on the card, etc. XH carries insurance on ds and he never gives me a problem. When dh had it on the boys she never took them to the doctor--ever--but dh made sure she had the info. Except I guess she didn't keep it....because when oldest ss ended up in the ER she had to call us for info then. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted February 28, 2017 Share Posted February 28, 2017 He claims he was a state trooper. And he claims he spent 7 years in prison. I kind of doubt both claims....but if he was a trooper he must have been one before prison right? I wouldn't think you could be a trooper after being in jail...anyway, I kind of worry about him.... He sounds like a real nut. No wonder your dss wanted to live with you!!! 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
umsami Posted February 28, 2017 Share Posted February 28, 2017 It's all about control and paranoia IMHO. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anne in CA Posted February 28, 2017 Share Posted February 28, 2017 Until you said the other stuff about his being a state trooper and being in prison I would have thought he was worried about insurance fraud. It is a bigger problem than people think. But, yeah, he's a wacko. My dh's ex never used her medical insurance the first two years they were divorced before dsd came to live with us. She loved getting us in financial trouble. I worked so much overtime to pay for medical stuff that was covered, but she never gave the doctors her info and would never tell us until it was too late for insurance to cover it. The games grown people can play... 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zoobie Posted February 28, 2017 Share Posted February 28, 2017 Sounds bananas. Is that the kid whose SSN was already used for taxes? If so... 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted February 28, 2017 Author Share Posted February 28, 2017 Sounds bananas. Is that the kid whose SSN was already used for taxes? If so... Probably is his. The rejection notice from IRS doesn't say if it is ds or dss. However, both my XH and dss's mom say they didn't use either boy on their taxes. I guess the IRS investigation will tell the story. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted February 28, 2017 Author Share Posted February 28, 2017 Until you said the other stuff about his being a state trooper and being in prison I would have thought he was worried about insurance fraud. It is a bigger problem than people think. But, yeah, he's a wacko. My dh's ex never used her medical insurance the first two years they were divorced before dsd came to live with us. She loved getting us in financial trouble. I worked so much overtime to pay for medical stuff that was covered, but she never gave the doctors her info and would never tell us until it was too late for insurance to cover it. The games grown people can play... Seriously what is wrong with people that would do this stuff to their own kids. And when you hear these stories you think 'well, they can't get away with that.' Well, yes they can. And they do. Taking them back to court is so time consuming and costly it is just not realistic to fight this stuff. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zoobie Posted February 28, 2017 Share Posted February 28, 2017 Probably is his. The rejection notice from IRS doesn't say if it is ds or dss. However, both my XH and dss's mom say they didn't use either boy on their taxes. I guess the IRS investigation will tell the story. Given that level of nuts, my money's on him filing with it. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted February 28, 2017 Author Share Posted February 28, 2017 (edited) Given that level of nuts, my money's on him filing with it. Well, he is super paranoid about obeying all the rules and laws of the land. To a ridiculous degree. So I kind of doubt he would try that....besides he refuses to file with his wife and you can't claim the EIC unless you file married jointly. (I know you can get it as Head of Household but if you are married you have to file jointly to get EIC) Maybe he was in prison and that is why he is so careful about laws. Who knows. Edited to add---I agree with whoever said it is about control. He is the one who took the older son to the game warden to report my dh for a hunting violation. Edited February 28, 2017 by Scarlett 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SparklyUnicorn Posted February 28, 2017 Share Posted February 28, 2017 so petty, immature, and stupid sorry you have to deal with that 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tap Posted February 28, 2017 Share Posted February 28, 2017 (edited) We see it every once in a while in pharmacy. I just call the primary person on the insurance and get the information and enter it into the computer. The silly thing is, that if the parent standing in front of me, then asks for a copy of the insurance information at that point, we would give it to them. The only reason we wouldn't, is if it has the SS# for the id (common for Tricare). All the info we need, is the ID#/Bin/pcn/Group#/phone to the insurance co. It is part of the patients medical record and legally accessible by either parent/guardian. There is no way for us to verify who has legal custody, so we have to trust that they are legally allowed to have it. They do sign a form, but that is it. ETA: obviously we wouldn't just give the information to anyone who asked. There would be some very important information to exchange hands before we would give out the info. Edited February 28, 2017 by Tap Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted February 28, 2017 Author Share Posted February 28, 2017 We see it every once in a while in pharmacy. I just call the primary person on the insurance and get the information and enter it into the computer. The silly thing is, that if the parent standing in front of me, then asks for a copy of the insurance information at that point, we would give it to them. The only reason we wouldn't, is if it has the SS# for the id (common for Tricare). All the info we need, is the ID#/Bin/pcn/Group#/phone to the insurance co. It is part of the patients medical record and legally accessible by either parent/guardian. There is no way for us to verify who has legal custody, so we have to trust that they are legally allowed to have it. They do sign a form, but that is it. Yep. My thinking about this guy is that he should have never agreed to insure his wife's kids if he is that paranoid about his personal info. I will admit to wishing I could send him a copy of all the details I know about him that he thinks I don't know. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted February 28, 2017 Share Posted February 28, 2017 Yep. My thinking about this guy is that he should have never agreed to insure his wife's kids if he is that paranoid about his personal info. I will admit to wishing I could send him a copy of all the details I know about him that he thinks I don't know. Is it wrong that I think you should mail him the information anonymously from a neighboring state just to mess with his head? ;) (But don't really do it -- you'd never stop worrying that you might get caught!) 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosie_0801 Posted February 28, 2017 Share Posted February 28, 2017 I just can't figure out why she stays. Dh says because she thinks she can't make it on her own. It's awfully lonely. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted February 28, 2017 Author Share Posted February 28, 2017 It's awfully lonely. :( I still think being alone would be better than being with a control freak. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosie_0801 Posted February 28, 2017 Share Posted February 28, 2017 :( I still think being alone would be better than being with a control freak. As you know, leaving the control freak doesn't necessarily get rid of the control freak. And the prospect of being alone for 30 or 40 years is a heavy one. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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