Busy Christmas day

[Night Elf]

My oldest dd called me and very hesitantly asked me if it was okay if we got together and shared Christmas on Christmas Eve. I've been telling her for years that I'm okay with that. Every year, she and her boyfriend have to stay Christmas Eve night at his parents house to wake up with them and have a special breakfast and open gifts. Then in the afternoon she goes to her dad and stepmom's house for a late lunch or early dinner. They expect her to stay a few hours. Then they come to my house in the evening, but are so tired they don't stay long. So this year, she and her boyfriend are coming over Christmas Eve morning. We'll hang out and cook and have a nice lunch and they'll leave after lunch to drive to his parent's house. I'm excited because I get to spend several hours with them this year and get to share a meal.

[Garga]

We didn't want our kids to have to travel around all day Christmas, so we have the extended family Christmas celebration on Christmas eve night.

 

On Christmas day, we get Chinese food with a group of people, but that's it. Eat the Chinese food together, come back home.

 

When the kids get older and get girlfriends/wives, I know things will change, but at least it was low key for them growing up.

 

As you said, getting together on Christmas Eve makes for a longer time together and everyone is fresh and not exhausted from running around all day. (Well, except for my SIL who worked at GameStop. She came to the celebration exhausted because she'd worked in a popular store the day before Christmas and it was crazy. She finally got a degree and quit that job a few months ago and is looking forward to her first Christmas Eve off in decades.)

Edited December 20, 2016 by Garga

[Night Elf]

When I was in college in my very early 20's, I worked in a toy store at the mall. It was crazy busy but I loved it. I don't think I could handle it now at my age. :)

[marbel]

You are wise to be flexible about your family Christmas celebration as your family changes.   My mother released me from a load of guilt about this before I was married.  I know so many families that want to keep everything just like it was when the kids were little, and expect their kids' significant others to drop their own family traditions.   Or couples/families run ragged on Christmas because everyone must be visited. 

 

The year before I got married my husband wanted to take me to meet his family at Christmas.  We celebrated Christmas with my mom about a week before.  We ate corned beef and cabbage (her choice) and had a nice time. The best gift she gave me was not hassling me about going away.  

[JustEm]

We are blessed to be surrounded by all our family, which makes Christmas Eve and Christmas day quite busy. But we love it!

 

At 3:00pm on Christmas Eve we go to my sil's house to exchange gifts with dh's siblings and dad. We have drinks and appetizers there. Then around 5 we drive 10 minutes to have dinner with dh's grandmother and fil's side of the family. We take family pictures, exchange gifts, and drink. We're usually there until 10 or 11. Then we drive home, 15 minutes, and put the kids in bed and unload the car of all the gifts we got.

 

In the morning the they kids can wake us up once they've made us coffee and we open presents as a family. Mass at 9 followed by exchanging gifts with mil and brunch with her side of the family. Around 2 we head to my parents' house for dinner and more gift exchanging. We usually get home by 10. On the 26th we do absolutely nothing!

 

It is so much fun because we don't have family drama with any of them.

[marbel]

We are blessed to be surrounded by all our family, which makes Christmas Eve and Christmas day quite busy. But we love it!

 

At 3:00pm on Christmas Eve we go to my sil's house to exchange gifts with dh's siblings and dad. We have drinks and appetizers there. Then around 5 we drive 10 minutes to have dinner with dh's grandmother and fil's side of the family. We take family pictures, exchange gifts, and drink. We're usually there until 10 or 11. Then we drive home, 15 minutes, and put the kids in bed and unload the car of all the gifts we got.

 

In the morning the they kids can wake us up once they've made us coffee and we open presents as a family. Mass at 9 followed by exchanging gifts with mil and brunch with her side of the family. Around 2 we head to my parents' house for dinner and more gift exchanging. We usually get home by 10. On the 26th we do absolutely nothing!

 

It is so much fun because we don't have family drama with any of them.

 

This sounds lovely.   So nice that everyone lives close together and there's no drama!  Rare, in my experience and observation!   :-)

[Spryte]

What a great solution!

 

I hope it's a wonderful time for all of you. :)

[Mimm]

We've had to adjust our plans. As people get married or in a serious relationship, suddenly you're coordinating with more and more schedules and having to be respectful and flexible about different traditions. My BIL has to spend time with my SIL's family, my sister has to spend time with her boyfriend's family, my brother actually got leave from the Air Force which is awesome, my mother traded shifts to be able to get time off and come up here for the first time. I have a very busy weekend ahead of me, with days of cooking and wrapping and visiting before hand, but I'm looking forward to every bit of it. And for once, I have my house in decent shape, so very little cleaning will need to happen. :)

[MotherGoose]

Kudos to you for realizing this before grandkids come along. It took quite a while to get it though my in laws heads that it was not reasonable to have Christmas Eve at their house, nearly two hours away from my house, in the evening, because they refused to do lunch, and then have to drive home in the night for santa because we have young children. The last year I was forced into it I came home and took down the tree and all decorations the day after Christmas, because I was ready to just forget Christmas ever even happened, and told dh that if he wanted to do that again next year...he didn't, just wouldn't stand up to the manipulation....that he could go alone because I wasn't taking the kids through that. We couldn't go to church on Christmas Eve because of all that, and they were totally unwilling to compromise. They don't go to church but it's very important to me, and now also dh. Let's do Christmas Eve brunch and we will still be able to get home at a reasonable hour! Nope. No compromise. Mine are the only kids, so it's not like we are causing problems for other parents. This year we have a toddler who melts down at 6-7 pm. We can't start the festivities until four pm because...I don't know why...no one works. Power plays. At least it's no longer on Christmas Eve since I put my foot down. So I guess they will see us for two to three hours this christmas and we will leave at bedtime. Their choice. I'm not trying to placate a sobbing baby because no one will change plans a bit to accommodate the one person at the gathering who can't and shouldn't be able to think of anyone's needs but his own. It's sad. So this turned into a bit of a vent but my point was thank you for saving your daughter the grief.

Edited December 20, 2016 by MotherGoose

[Upward Journey]

You are wise to be flexible about your family Christmas celebration as your family changes.   My mother released me from a load of guilt about this before I was married.  I know so many families that want to keep everything just like it was when the kids were little, and expect their kids' significant others to drop their own family traditions.   Or couples/families run ragged on Christmas because everyone must be visited. 

 

The year before I got married my husband wanted to take me to meet his family at Christmas.  We celebrated Christmas with my mom about a week before.  We ate corned beef and cabbage (her choice) and had a nice time. The best gift she gave me was not hassling me about going away.  

 

Yes, I keep telling my kids that I'm not attached to dates, and I mean it.  I want them to feel free to pursue their own traditions, and not be burdened by my expectations for what a holiday should be.

[HS Mom in NC]

Sounds familiar.  I'm glad you're getting some time in with them.

We typically have 4 Christmas events in 2 days.  This year it's 5 events 3 in days. 

1. Christmas Eve lunch with my 3 girls (one lives on her own) and their fiances 11-4 ish or longer if they like. Gift exchange. No drive for me. 

2. Christmas Eve candlelight service 5-6. 15 minute drive.

3. Christmas morning-breakfast with my husband's parents and sister and families. We opted out of exchanging gifts with cousins.  15 minute drive.

 

4. Christmas night-finger foods dinner and dessert with my mom and step-dad, my 1 bio+ 3 step- siblings and their families.  We opted out of exchanging gifts with cousins. 20 minute drive.

5. Day After Christmas-lunch at my brother's with my dad and 2 of his siblings and their families. No gift exchange. 15 minute drive.

My adult children will choose which extended family and future in-law events they'll go to in addition our Christmas Eve lunch. All the extended relatives have been put on notice that my adult children aren't always going to make every event. We know there will be years they might not make our event and we're very understanding about it.

Opting out of a gift exchange with cousins and siblings (even drawing names) has been a huge relief of my time and energy. My kids will get plenty of gifts from each other, us and their grandparents.

[fairfarmhand]

Yes, I keep telling my kids that I'm not attached to dates, and I mean it.  I want them to feel free to pursue their own traditions, and not be burdened by my expectations for what a holiday should be.

I'm hoping my kids will get together with us on New YEars' Day for Christmas and I can go someplace warm and sandy for Christmas Eve and Christmas Day.

[Guest]

I love this, Night Elf. Count me among those who are happy to let things change as the kids grow up and start families and lives of their own.

[SKL]

Great plan!

 

I always used to spend Christmas Eve at my parents' house and do presents the next morning.  I didn't have any other family, so it was fine.  When my kids came along, I wanted to do Christmas at my home, but my parents and siblings took some time to get used to the idea.  Everyone wanted to be there for the babies' Christmas morning.  Well, I didn't cave and so we started going to my parents' Christmas day.  Then we started traveling and being unpredictable at Christmas time.  I thought my parents would have a fit the first year we skipped Christmas at their house, but nobody died.  :)  We still try to make it over there on Christmas if we're in town.

[Night Elf]

I changed how I celebrated holidays when I had little kids. I thought it was mean to let them wake up to Santa gifts and gifts from us and then make them leave them all behind so they could go to someone else's house. Instead, I offered my house to anyone who wanted to come over. No one ever did. We started getting together with family one or two weekends before Christmas when everyone could have a day to just sit and relax and eat. That worked out really well. The kids got gifts early, but it didn't seem to matter to them. I hope my dd is strong enough to stand up to her in-laws when she has children. Her boyfriend's parents and her dad/step-mom are VERY particular. I can see a lot of tension there. My home is always going to be the fun one with little stress.

[lynn]

This year is different for us also. We told the older boys to come over for Christmas lunch instead of our traditional Christmas eve. They were trying to go everywhere Christmas eve so we took off the stress and get more Time with them.

[fairfarmhand]

I changed how I celebrated holidays when I had little kids. I thought it was mean to let them wake up to Santa gifts and gifts from us and then make them leave them all behind so they could go to someone else's house. Instead, I offered my house to anyone who wanted to come over. No one ever did. We started getting together with family one or two weekends before Christmas when everyone could have a day to just sit and relax and eat. That worked out really well. The kids got gifts early, but it didn't seem to matter to them. I hope my dd is strong enough to stand up to her in-laws when she has children. Her boyfriend's parents and her dad/step-mom are VERY particular. I can see a lot of tension there. My home is always going to be the fun one with little stress.

 

The trick is to be the sweet easy to get along one so that people WANT to come to you or have you around.

 

Yeah, we spent a couple Christmases hauling a tired, whiny baby-toddler around until I said, nope. Christmas eve and Christmas Day are MINE. We'll see everyone else some other time, but those days are set in stone. With so many branches of the family to see, our home Christmas quickly became an afterthought, squeezed in between everyone elses. I really didn't enjoy it at all because I was too tired of Christmas to have fun.

 

I will have about 28 Christmases with my kids at home. (10 years between my oldest and youngest) I figure when they grow up and have their own families, it will be their turn to make memories with their own kids. And I'm okay with the idea that not every memory will include me.  I'd rather have a longer visit with my adult children and nonexistent Grandchildren than a rushed, stressful visit anyway.

[KungFuPanda]

We always did Christmas Eve with DHs family, but kept Christmas Day to be home so the kids could play. When my sister moved to town, we celebrated Festivus on the 23rd. It was so silly and fun. Once she even brought a pole. We had The a Feats of Strength (the boys wrestled) and the Airing of the Grievances. It was hysterical. Once we just kept pumping out hot appetizers all day for food. She only lived here a couple years and most of our kids were in their teens by then, so the memories are so fun.

[Guest]

I grew up running around to three and sometimes four Christmases and didn't love it. Our tradition here now is simpler - Christmas Eve service at church, Christmas morning together as a family, and a lunch/dinner over at grandma and grandpa's. I think doing combined Christmases is a lot less work for the fun! More quality time, less stress.

[Guest]

You are wise to be flexible about your family Christmas celebration as your family changes. My mother released me from a load of guilt about this before I was married. I know so many families that want to keep everything just like it was when the kids were little, and expect their kids' significant others to drop their own family traditions. Or couples/families run ragged on Christmas because everyone must be visited.

 

The year before I got married my husband wanted to take me to meet his family at Christmas. We celebrated Christmas with my mom about a week before. We ate corned beef and cabbage (her choice) and had a nice time. The best gift she gave me was not hassling me about going away.

That sort of guilt and stress is exactly what we want to avoid as our kids age too. Especially as new family units form, some things shift and change naturally and fighting it makes it less fun for everyone. Part of the joy of being a couple and then a family are the new traditions you get to make for yourself and your crew! I totally agree.

[scrapbookbuzz]

When I was in college in my very early 20's, I worked in a toy store at the mall. It was crazy busy but I loved it. I don't think I could handle it now at my age. :)

I used to work at Hickory Farms when they still had an actual store. It was always busy around then but I loved it.

All four of us kids worked there at one time or another. I'm pretty sure by the time it was my turn, I just had to fill out the application but didn't have to interview. They already knew me! B-)

[Julie Smith]

This year we are going to my parents for the big Christmas celebration on Thursday the 29th, because it is what works best for everyone's schedule. 

[xixstar]

We are actually going to go see family on Christmas Day. I have had a policy of staying home on Christmas for years. But I've noticed that we tend to get bored by the afternoon and when we try to set up another time to meet with DH's family that it can be put off until mid-January which disappoints me and my kids.

 

But I did have to push dinner back off lunchtime because I still refuse to rush anywhere on Christmas.

[Seasider]

We have always been the ones to have our holiday celebrations dictated by in-laws that had to do the hopping around, cramming in gift opening when they arrived and waving them off as they left for the next stop before cousins had enough time to play together. Even if we chose not to party hop, our celebration agendas were dictated by others hopping. Everything felt rushed.

 

A few weeks ago someone posted about choosing one day that everyone can make a whole day to be together, even if not the actual holiday. DH and I love that idea and that will be our plan. I've told my adult kids that it will be their job to talk amongst themselves to choose a date, and just let me know when to be ready to host everyone for a long leisurely day!

[Baseball mom]

Night Elf  -- YOU  ROCK :thumbup1:  :thumbup:

 

When dc were small we had to rush from one family home to the next on Christmas day.  Don't get me wrong I am glad we have family close but sometimes I just wanted to stay home.  It was see what Santa left then about an hour later leave it all laying and the race began.  Some years I felt like we were running in a house, throwing gifts and off again (dh's dad was always changing the time at the last minute)

 

We have always done Christmas with my mom on Christmas Eve.  We don't go anywhere else on Christmas Eve (unless dh has to take his mom Christmas shopping on Christmas Eve before we head to my moms.  He was NOT happy about that one)

 

I am lucky that dh's mom and family isn't strict with time.  Yeah they say 9am but if it is 9:30 they will tease but not get mad.   Also my step mom is very laid back.  Can't come at 10 but can come at noon.  Great!

 

Dh's dad and step mom are a whole other story.  If they say 1pm they really mean noon.  And then complain you are late when you get there at 12:45.   :banghead: