Is this annoying? Or was I annoying?

[Guest]

Does the local creamery's name start with an "h"? If so, I love that place! They have the best ice cream cakes.

Yes! So yummy! I got DS13 an ice cream cake there for his most recent birthday. :)

 

DS12, not 13. Sheesh.

Edited December 18, 2016 by Quill

[Guest]

I don't "adore freezing my knuckles off", but I don't adore feeling weak and nauseous, which is what heat does to me, or itchy and rashy, which is what sun does to me, either. So, it really does get old when EVERY person you speak to complains about the cold and "can't wait" for summer/heat to come. Rationally, one can reason that it's not their fault you feel like crap (or become a hermit) for a whole season, but emotionally sometimes it feels like everyone wants you to feel like sh!t, when weather is such a "small talk" constant. So I have been known to expound on the virtues of cold weather, myself. Normally, I just say I prefer winter to summer, but if you're the tenth person to say the same thing to me that day, you just might get the "expanded" version. ;)

 

And even worse? The ones who bitch about all kinds of weather. Pick one to hate and be consistent or "get off my lawn"! :D

 

In the scenario you described, both parties are equal opportunity annoyers. It's a draw.

True, but I wasn't "complaining" about the weather. I was making a small-talk answer to her small-talk question. Actually, my first assumption was that she probably wasn't enjoying the wind because that was the reason she had to sweep the foyer. Every time the door opened, more debris would blow in. So I actually already had a presupposition that the wind was causing some grief for her already.

 

P.S. I don't ever say I can't wait for summer because I dislike that weather even more. I'm really happy with Maryland weather like 3 days a year.

Edited December 18, 2016 by Quill

[Guest]

And I tend to agree that cold weather is better than hot weather. I hate being cold, but at least I can put on more layers. Can't do much about being hot when I'm out & about.

That's funny, because I say this, too. There's a limit to how much cooler I can get externally, but there's virtually no limit to how much more warmly I can dress or pile on blankets! So I would rather it was too cold than too hot.

 

But that doesn't mean I want to be outside in it.

[Guest]

I can see how that would be annoying to be told how you feel is invalid, frustrating. Sharing different thoughts sure, invalidating someone else is lame though.

 

People get pissy because I don't mind driving in the snow. It's fine if it's not your thing, totally understandable. But don't think I'm unsafe, haughty, or prideful because I'm okay with it. I was the only one I saw with chains on besides the garbage trucks when we had our big snowstorm early this week. I play it safe, keep plenty of room between me and other vehicles, drive annoyingly slow, and am agro defensively driving.

I was extremely happy today to learn that my son's friend's father does not mind driving in the ice, because DS spent the night there last night and we got ice overnight. I was playing rock-paper-scissors with DH over who was going to pick DS up when DS texted that friend's dad was bringing him home. YYYYYAAAAAYYYYY!!!

 

ETA: GOOD GRIEF! I said "my son's father"! I meant my son's friend's father. Wow, that totally changed what I was saying.

Edited December 18, 2016 by Quill

[gardenmom5]

Those of you who deal with icy roads, do people use studded tires where you are? They're standard where we are from fall to spring. Still need to go slow and keep your distance but they help.

 

where we are - the only people who have studs are up in the mts or on hill tops.  icy roads aren't a regular enough occurrence.

 

True, but I wasn't "complaining" about the weather. I was making a small-talk answer to her small-talk question. Actually, my first assumption was that she probably wasn't enjoying the wind because that was the reason she had to sweep the foyer. Every time the door opened, more debris would blow in. So I actually already had a presupposition that the wind was causing some grief for her already.

 

P.S. I don't ever say I can't wait for summer because I dislike that weather even more. I'm really happy with Maryland weather like 3 days a year.

 

she could have cleaned off the walk in front of the door.  it usually will cut down on what is blown inside.

[Granny_Weatherwax]

I haven't finished reading all of the replies but I'm laughing at myself. 

 

I did this just the other day. Someone was complaining about how cold the weather is (not a benign comment like yours, but actual complaining) and talking about how she prefers the beach, the heat, etc.. I told her I love the cold and mentioned winter hiking and camping. I didn't think it was abnormal and I hope it wasn't annoying. I don't think it's any different than people talking about going to the beach, boating on the lake, or whatever they choose to do in warm weather. 

 

 

[mellifera33]

Yeah, I'm more like your MIL. I find it therapeutic. 

 

But I've learned to tone it down a lot, because not everyone appreciates my verbal processing of my weather feels, lol

 

My dad did put up with it for 44 years before he cracked and said something.

 

I like to think that I elevated complaining about the weather to an art while I lived in Minnesota. One afternoon of walking around Duluth in February with windchill of -60 F just flipped a switch in my brain and I couldn't talk about weather without using strings of creative expletives for the next four years. 

[RioSamba]

She was being annoying. It's not her affection for cold weather, but the sense of superiority. I used to be a *bit* like that about winter weather, but I'm reformed. And older. And feeling the cold more. Ahem.

[SereneHome]

 I have such low expectations of people in regards to what they say or don't say, that I probably wouldn't even notice her tirade. 

 

Instances like this one is why my standard response to "How are you" is "I am doing very well, thank you, how are you?"

 

Oh and I live in New England.  People talk about weather here all.the.time.  "I wish we would get snow", "Oh, I am so tired of snow", "I can't believe we got so little snow", "I can't believe we got so much snow", "I can't wait for the summer", "It is sooo hot, can't wait for the fall".....etc etc etc.  All year long, every season, all.the.time!!  I just keep my mouth shut 

 

[Guest]

NM :)

Edited December 18, 2016 by Arctic Mama

[J-rap]

I think she was annoying to keep arguing with you!  I think in that instance, she could have casually said something like, "I don't mind it," and then moved on.  

 

Here, everyone talks about the weather as both small talk and big talk, because it is always changing and can get extreme.  It used to bug me a little when I first moved here and people always talked about.  I'd think, "Can't you think of anything else to say?"  But now I understand.  It really is a big deal here.  These are farmers and people who live way out in the middle of nowhere, and weather makes a difference.  All of our planned events beginning in November end with, "...of course, depending on the weather."  

 

Even when it's small talk though, it's an easy way for people to try and be friendly and connect with someone else briefly, in the moment.  At least they're trying to be friendly!  

[Guest]

I was extremely happy today to learn that my son's friend's father does not mind driving in the ice, because DS spent the night there last night and we got ice overnight. I was playing rock-paper-scissors with DH over who was going to pick DS up when DS texted that friend's dad was bringing him home. YYYYYAAAAAYYYYY!!!

 

ETA: GOOD GRIEF! I said "my son's father"! I meant my son's friend's father. Wow, that totally changed what I was saying.

Hahah! Whoops!

 

We are those people who will brace the nasty roads or have chains and comealongs and extra tow ropes to help someone who is stuck. My husband is better than me with all that, but I can drive almost anything but solid wet ice - then we put chains on the suburban so we can stop and go. The 4WD doesn't help with stopping anyway, just cornering, but on those rare atrocious days we will indeed don chains. Like I said, I think we have had three of those epic ice storms in a decade. All the other ice and snow storms sucked but weren't deadly bad to everyone like those few - whew!

 

We ended up with some bad ice today and a ton of ditch divers, but it wasn't impassible. And we always get some every spring, usually a few weeks of it off and on where it thaws and refreezes every night. With the right dricing and tires it is totally doable, but I always roll my eyes at the people ending up on their hoods - they're the ones who were weaving around me or cornering too fast earlier in the day! I'm glad most of our snowfall and ice isn't difficult to manage with just snow tires/studs, though.

Edited December 18, 2016 by Arctic Mama

[IfIOnly]

I was extremely happy today to learn that my son's friend's father does not mind driving in the ice, because DS spent the night there last night and we got ice overnight. I was playing rock-paper-scissors with DH over who was going to pick DS up when DS texted that friend's dad was bringing him home. YYYYYAAAAAYYYYY!!!

 

ETA: GOOD GRIEF! I said "my son's father"! I meant my son's friend's father. Wow, that totally changed what I was saying.

Haha! I was puzzled a bit because I hadn't remembered you mentioning a previous marriage/relationship here. I just went with the my son's friend's father. :P

[creekland]

To me, this is really just an example of poor customer service. 

 

I totally get being annoyed that the eleventy billionth person that day has said the exact same thing.  I totally get having a bad day and being annoyed by everyone.  I even get hating small talk and not wanting to deal with it.  In fact, I HATE small talk.  I find it dumb.  Don't ask me "how are you" when you don't actually want to know.  I have accepted that I have to answer "fine how are you" but really...I hate the exchange and cringe inside every time.

 

BUT....

 

customer service is customer service.  When your job is to sell hair services to other people, you need good customer service skills...EVEN if you find the process to be dumb.  SO...you find the complaints about the cold annoying?  Avoid them..."Hi!  Welcome to Beautiful Salon!  As soon as I am finished shampooing Mrs Smith, I will be right with you!"  Or even "Hi, welcome to Beautiful Salon!  I know it's cold, we have some hot coffee or cocoa over in the corner, help your self, we will be right with you."  You don't have to engage in small talk you find annoying in order to display proper customer service.  BUT, if you ask "How are you" in a customer service situation (which a hair dresser working at a hair salon is in a customer service situation) then you should be able to respond politely even if the customer gives the same answer you have heard 15 times that day.  

 

I think this is why I wouldn't have paid much attention to what happened.  Chances are, I'd have liked it BETTER than all the "yes ma'am, I totally agree with you" types of pretend conversation one gets with typical sales situations.  I'm not big on those at all. I ignore them or hubby and I will joke about them (later) if they are too obvious like they are with most sales people.  I like it when folks are genuine with their likes/dislikes about weather and things going on, etc.  That's a real conversation requiring interaction and thought.

[poppy]

I'd hate to live in a world where every single person always observed social niceties. Such tedium.

 

This thread made me think of a preview I just saw of some M Night Shamalan movie where everyone in town was super nice in a pod people way - except to one black guy , and it turns out there is something super weird and creepy about race in that town . (This is a 2 minute trailer I saw once- it was a horror movie).

 

When I am stuck with perfectly polite people I feel like I'm always waiting for the other shoe to drop. Everyone putting on a facade does not make me feel comfortable.

 

I am a New Englander though. I know it's a cultural thing to be wary about fakeness vs at ease with pleasantries .

[MedicMom]

I would just assume she was insane and ignored her. Mostly because I question the sanity of anyone who hikes in sub zero wind chills.

(Upstate New Yorker who hates the cold with a passion but her husband won't move)

[regentrude]

. Mostly because I question the sanity of anyone who hikes in sub zero wind chills.

 

I assure you, most of them are quite sane. Just dressed appropriately ;)

I wish I could actually get to a real trailhead, but roads are too bad for that right now. We got our first snow, it is 2F, feels like -12 according to the weather report. We will just go for a long walk, as soon as we have finished coffee and got dressed.

[SereneHome]

I think this is why I wouldn't have paid much attention to what happened.  Chances are, I'd have liked it BETTER than all the "yes ma'am, I totally agree with you" types of pretend conversation one gets with typical sales situations.  I'm not big on those at all. I ignore them or hubby and I will joke about them (later) if they are too obvious like they are with most sales people.  I like it when folks are genuine with their likes/dislikes about weather and things going on, etc.  That's a real conversation requiring interaction and thought.

 

But then people get offended.  Bc everyone has a very different idea now-days about what is appropriate, polite or necessary to say to strangers.    And it seems that no topic is safe anymore. 

 

I don't know if people became more opinionated or defensive or what - but if what *you* are saying contradicts their POV - watch out!  You'll get an ear full of all kinds of lecture /unsolicited advice and all the reasons how wrong you are.

 

But I agree with you - it would be very nice to have real conversations with people.  Can learn so much!

[poppy]

But then people get offended.  Bc everyone has a very different idea now-days about what is appropriate, polite or necessary to say to strangers.    And it seems that no topic is safe anymore. 

 

I don't know if people became more opinionated or defensive or what - but if what *you* are saying contradicts their POV - watch out!  You'll get an ear full of all kinds of lecture /unsolicited advice and all the reasons how wrong you are.

 

But I agree with you - it would be very nice to have real conversations with people.  Can learn so much!

 

This was kind of what I thought when I read the OP..... if you just want bland responses why talk at all?

(No offense to the OP. I have my quirky pet peeves as well).

[mamaraby]

I think all small talk with random strangers is annoying. Let's face it, they don't really care what you have to say so sometimes I wonder why bother asking? Maybe she was having a bad day.

 

And I prefer colder weather because of the more layers factor. I even prefer running outside in the winter to the summer for the same reason. There are only so many items of clothing you can take off. Well, except for the wind. I'd like winter better without the wind.

[Garga]

It all hinges on the tone of voice and body language.  I can see this going either way.  

 

I have a sniffy friend who likes to feel superior to everyone else about how the cold doesn't bother her.  If your sweeper was like my friend, then she was being very annoying.

 

But there are other people who are prattlers.  They like to prattle on and on about things and don't really think too hard about what they're saying.  If she was just prattling merrily about hiking and the cold, then it might have been annoying to introverted you, but her intentions weren't to annoy.    

 

 

Edited December 18, 2016 by Garga

[creekland]

But then people get offended.  Bc everyone has a very different idea now-days about what is appropriate, polite or necessary to say to strangers.    And it seems that no topic is safe anymore. 

 

I don't know if people became more opinionated or defensive or what - but if what *you* are saying contradicts their POV - watch out!  You'll get an ear full of all kinds of lecture /unsolicited advice and all the reasons how wrong you are.

 

But I agree with you - it would be very nice to have real conversations with people.  Can learn so much!

 

I agree.  There's a reason why sales people and customer service folks are trained to agree with everyone.  It helps sales.  For most humans (just read this thread!) when someone disagrees with us it sets up a sense of "not being one of us" and turns (most) people off.  We are FAR more likely to buy something (goods, services, arguments) when we feel someone is "just like me!"

 

Having had oodles of brain study and advertising classes, I see right through it.  I suspect my experience is another reason why I'm different.  (And I've shared a bit with hubby and my boys - making us a "different" family.)  The plus side is we get along with a huge variety of people IRL - friends and when out traveling.  It takes a lot to offend us.

[Guest]

It all hinges on the tone of voice and body language. I can see this going either way.

 

I have a sniffy friend who likes to feel superior to everyone else about how the cold doesn't bother her. If your sweeper was like my friend, then she was being very annoying.

 

But there are other people who are prattlers. They like to prattle on and on about things and don't really think too hard about what they're saying. If she was just prattling merrily about hiking and the cold, then it might have been annoying to introverted you, but her intentions weren't to annoy.

I really think she was more the first example. Sort of pleased with herself for preferring to hike in the cold.

[KungFuPanda]

Central Maryland can be tricky. So many people in my area (myself included) come from elsewhere. They learn to drive in these snowier, colder, dryer, less populated areas and feel confident that winter driving here is no big deal. The trouble is that we get more ice than snow. Our cold days can hover near freezing and go up and down creating fresh melt and ice all day long. My street is pretty forested, while the more main road 100 yards away is more open, so those roads can be FINE while mine is still icy. Also, the sheer volume of people means that you have a greater chance of hitting another car than correcting a slight slide on a small patch of black ice. The sun can go down here and that few degrees in temperature can make all the difference on these roads. If you've lived here a while, you become aware of all these variables and consider them. If you're new here, and your recent drive was incident-free, you tend to think these people are either "overly cautious" or "can't drive in the snow." Nobody changes their tune until they live here a decade or wreck.

[Guest]

I really think she was more the first example. Sort of pleased with herself for preferring to hike in the cold.

What an odd thing to get puffed up about - people are so strange!

[Liz CA]

Sounds a little rude to me. Agree with Arctic Mama that the common response is commiseration or - like someone else - suggested a joke about being a polar bear and liking cold weather.

And if we cannot comment on the weather anymore, what can we talk about? Politics?  :glare:

[SereneHome]

I agree.  There's a reason why sales people and customer service folks are trained to agree with everyone.  It helps sales.  For most humans (just read this thread!) when someone disagrees with us it sets up a sense of "not being one of us" and turns (most) people off.  We are FAR more likely to buy something (goods, services, arguments) when we feel someone is "just like me!"

 

Having had oodles of brain study and advertising classes, I see right through it.  I suspect my experience is another reason why I'm different.  (And I've shared a bit with hubby and my boys - making us a "different" family.)  The plus side is we get along with a huge variety of people IRL - friends and when out traveling.  It takes a lot to offend us.

 

I would love for you to elaborate on that or point me in the direction of books or resources where I can learn at least some of it.

[scrapbookbuzz]

I'd say she was out of line. To you and many others it was/is cold. She doesn't have to agree but it sounded

like she went on a tirade. So she hikes. I hike too but I don't necessarily want to hike in 20*F with a windchill that makes

it feel likes it's BELOW zero! You may have just caught her at a bad moment.

 

Personally, on the other extreme, I can't stand the summers here in the Southwest. And I get really tired of people saying,

"Oh, but it's a dry heat!" or "But you don't have to shovel heat!" Which is kind of what her response to you sounds like to me.

It's fine is someone doesn't agree, but do they have to try to make us agree about the weather??

 

[creekland]

I would love for you to elaborate on that or point me in the direction of books or resources where I can learn at least some of it.

 

If you want a good Layman's book regarding advertising methods or general things that work to sway people, this one has been my favorite:

 

https://www.amazon.com/Yes-Scientifically-Proven-Ways-Persuasive/dp/1416576142

 

It's in short segments, so easy to read in short periods of time rather than needing to devote an hour (or whatever) of deep thinking to it.

 

If you are looking for Layman videos you (and any kids) might like, Brain Games is pretty darn awesome.  

 

http://channel.nationalgeographic.com/brain-games/

 

Most are half hour shows.  The first season they did three hour long shows (if I remember correctly).

 

Or I also like PBS's relatively new series, The Brain with David Eagleman:

 

http://www.pbs.org/the-brain-with-david-eagleman/home/

 

It's not as interactive as Brain Games, but it goes into (Layman) depth of why things happen complete with examples, etc.  This is a 6 part series of one hour shows.

 

If you want nuts and bolts of cognitive science, this one is a very good intro - meant for undergrads just starting the field of study:

 

https://www.amazon.com/Cognitive-Science-Introduction-Mind/dp/1107653355/ref=dp_ob_title_bk

 

And in general, we watch(ed) pretty much any "Brain" show on a science station including, but not limited to PBS, Discovery, Science Channel, Nat Geo, etc, as there are many single episode shows.

 

Back in my college days one of my majors was Psychology (concentration on Organizational and Occupational Psychology which has advertising as a big component).  Since I graduated a couple of moons ago, quite a bit has been updated since then, but some things don't change.  Humans have been the same for quite some time.  Our understanding of how things work (or why) tends to be what has changed.

 

Middle son also has his primary college major in Brain & Cognitive Science, so he keeps me updated on some current things too (esp linguistics and learning).

[gaillardia]

Does the local creamery's name start with an "h"?  If so, I love that place!  They have the best ice cream cakes.

We went out in the first snow of the season while there last year to experience driving in the snow once again AND just to get ice cream sandwiches in a variety of flavors. O.M.GOODNESS.

yes, and I went to school with the owners. used to walk to the place after school. fun days

[MomsintheGarden]

Yes! So yummy! I got DS13 an ice cream cake there for his most recent birthday. :)

DS12, not 13. Sheesh.

  

We went out in the first snow of the season while there last year to experience driving in the snow once again AND just to get ice cream sandwiches in a variety of flavors. O.M.GOODNESS.

yes, and I went to school with the owners. used to walk to the place after school. fun days

I went to high school down the street from that place. I only cut class once - to go get ice cream at h's!

[Mimm]

Comments about the weather aren't the time or place to start arguments with strangers. Remarks about the weather are a common way to simply be polite and talk to someone you don't know at all. It doesn't always fall into the category of complaining either. I have just as many, "Wow, such a beautiful day today," or "Thank goodness it's cooling off/warming up a bit," conversations as I do negative comments about the cold/heat/rain/snow. But yeah, it sounds like the hairdresser likes the cold and is tired of people being negative about it and handled that awkwardly.

[Suzanne in ABQ]

I'm rushing, so I didn't read all the comments.  Please bear with me if this was already discussed.

 

Is it possible that she didn't know you had an appointment, and thought that you really "Just came in to warm up"?  In that case, she may have been annoyed that she had to sweep up the floor (again) when you opened the door.  

[gaillardia]

I'm rushing, so I didn't read all the comments.  Please bear with me if this was already discussed.

 

Is it possible that she didn't know you had an appointment, and thought that you really "Just came in to warm up"?  In that case, she may have been annoyed that she had to sweep up the floor (again) when you opened the door.  

this is a possibility and very funny