"Allergic" reaction to perfume

[snowbeltmom]

Is there any over the counter medicine that I could take that would help me avoid the sore throat, watering eyes, and tightness in my chest I experience whenever I am around a family member and her "signature scent?" 

 

I had a family get together a couple of days ago, and I took a Benedryl prior to her arriving, but it didn't help.  Any advice on what else I can try?  With the holiday season approaching, I don't want to have to deal with this at every family function. 

[Bambam]

I don't know. I have this same problem, so I hope someone has an answer!

[zoobie]

Zyrtec and Flonase (or other nasal steroid) sometimes works better.

 

Have you asked the person to refrain from using it?

[snowbeltmom]

Zyrtec and Flonase (or other nasal steroid) sometimes works better.

 

Have you asked the person to refrain from using it?

 

I have asked the person to not wear it when she comes to visit.  She was very offended (even though I tried to be as tactful as possible).  Her response was to wear more perfume the next time she came over.  This issue has been going on for years, but my reaction to it is getting worse.

 

I will try one of the medications you recommended.  Thanks.

 

[zoobie]

I have asked the person to not wear it when she comes to visit. She was very offended (even though I tried to be as tactful as possible). Her response was to wear more perfume the next time she came over. This issue has been going on for years, but my reaction to it is getting worse.

 

I will try one of the medications you recommended. Thanks.

 

No! What the heck? I wouldn't invite her back to my home! That's horrible. :(

[snowbeltmom]

No! What the heck? I wouldn't invite her back to my home! That's horrible. :(

I am at the point now where I am considering it even though it would cause major family drama.  I am going to try to find some medication that would work, though, before I do that. 

[happi duck]

That stinks! (ha!)

 

It's the same as someone bringing a dog to an allergic person's house when asked not to!

[Guest]

Get a huge, loud air purifier and plug it in right next to where she is to be seated. :d

[Carol in Cal.]

You might try allegra and naselcrom.  

 

This sounds like an asthmatic reaction though.  Do you have asthma normally?  

[Garga]

It would cause a huge family drama? People are happy to watch you suffer so that Aunt Tilly can wear perfume?

 

Urgh. I like the idea of the noisy air purifier next to her and you walking around in some sort of medical grade mask. Of course, that would just be passive agressive and not really helpful, but the image is satisfying.

 

I'm not much help. So far in life, I haven't run into anyone that selfish. Does she not believe you or something?

[Seasider]

I have asked the person to not wear it when she comes to visit. She was very offended (even though I tried to be as tactful as possible). Her response was to wear more perfume the next time she came over. This issue has been going on for years, but my reaction to it is getting worse.

 

I will try one of the medications you recommended. Thanks.

 

Wow, that wasn't nice of her.

 

If she has been wearing the heavy scent for years, I'd guess she's gone nose-blind to it and perhaps can't imagine how strong it actually is. You are a trooper, the problem I have is strong smells like that clinging to my upholstered furniture wherever that person sits.

 

Perhaps you could get a simple saline nasal rinse and see if that helps at all.

 

Is there anyone else in the family who could broach the subject with the stinker? Maybe if she thought there was a very young family member having respiratory problems, she would be more agreeable about your request.

 

If you can't breathe in your own home when she visits, you may have to take to meeting that person separately in a neutral (well ventilated!) location.

[snowbeltmom]

You might try allegra and naselcrom.  

 

This sounds like an asthmatic reaction though.  Do you have asthma normally?  

I don't have asthma, but I have developed adult seasonal allergies.  I also had a life threatening allergic reaction (hives and throat closing up requiring an IV at the ER) to an Excedrin a few years ago.

[snowbeltmom]

It would cause a huge family drama? People are happy to watch you suffer so that Aunt Tilly can wear perfume?

 

Urgh. I like the idea of the noisy air purifier next to her and you walking around in some sort of medical grade mask. Of course, that would just be passive agressive and not really helpful, but the image is satisfying.

 

I'm not much help. So far in life, I haven't run into anyone that selfish. Does she not believe you or something?

Yes, as ridiculous as I know it sounds (because it really is) this person does not handle anything that she perceives as "criticism" well and it would cause a huge, family drama because she would turn it into one. 

 

I have no idea whether she believes me or not.  My brother and I stopped trying to figure her out years ago.

[Guest]

I wonder if you dabbed Vicks or something barely inside your nose if that would be enough to block her sent- kind of CSI shows where they're in the morgue- or at least confuse your nose.

[ocelotmom]

I wonder if you dabbed Vicks or something barely inside your nose if that would be enough to block her sent- kind of CSI shows where they're in the morgue- or at least confuse your nose.

There is no reason that this would help with an actual allergic reaction.

[gardenmom5]

I have asked the person to not wear it when she comes to visit.  She was very offended (even though I tried to be as tactful as possible).  Her response was to wear more perfume the next time she came over.  This issue has been going on for years, but my reaction to it is getting worse.

 

I will try one of the medications you recommended.  Thanks.

 

 

 

there are people like this.

 

my mother was at the theater - and a woman in front of her started applying perfume.  my mother has asthma, and copd in addition to allergies.  the woman got mad at her for coughing, and when mother told her the perfume was making her cough - the women put on even more.

[gardenmom5]

It would cause a huge family drama? People are happy to watch you suffer so that Aunt Tilly can wear perfume?

 

Urgh. I like the idea of the noisy air purifier next to her and you walking around in some sort of medical grade mask. Of course, that would just be passive agressive and not really helpful, but the image is satisfying.

 

I'm not much help. So far in life, I haven't run into anyone that selfish. Does she not believe you or something?

 

you'd be surprised.. . . .

 

my mother would wear masks - and it was NOT being passive aggressive, but so she could breathe without having a coughing attack.

[Jyhwkmama]

Family drama be damned. That lady would not be welcome in my house again.

 

What if your next exposure puts you into full anaphylactic shock?

 

Family peace at your expense is not worth it.

[TranquilMind]

Is there any over the counter medicine that I could take that would help me avoid the sore throat, watering eyes, and tightness in my chest I experience whenever I am around a family member and her "signature scent?" 

 

I had a family get together a couple of days ago, and I took a Benedryl prior to her arriving, but it didn't help.  Any advice on what else I can try?  With the holiday season approaching, I don't want to have to deal with this at every family function. 

 

No.  Nothing helps that way, in my experience.  You can slowly correct your body a bit by changing diet, possibly adding supplements, etc.  But there isn't some fix-it pill, and I wish these people knew that.

I addressed this issue finally to our pastor, after being driven out yet again to sit in my car.  I've never seen a more heavily-perfumed, aftershave-doused group in my life as this one, and it's been going on for at least 10 years.    I discovered there are actually scent-free churches. 

 

We shall see if anything is done, but I do feel for you.  In your case, especially if it is in your home, I would just flat out tell the offender that you can't breathe well when she wears her perfume and would she mind skipping it for your event. 

[TranquilMind]

there are people like this.

 

my mother was at the theater - and a woman in front of her started applying perfume.  my mother has asthma, and copd in addition to allergies.  the woman got mad at her for coughing, and when mother told her the perfume was making her cough - the women put on even more.

 

These are the people we seem to have in the world today. 

 

When you have lived a long time, it is hard to believe, but it's out there. 

 

[TranquilMind]

I have asked the person to not wear it when she comes to visit.  She was very offended (even though I tried to be as tactful as possible).  Her response was to wear more perfume the next time she came over.  This issue has been going on for years, but my reaction to it is getting worse.

 

I will try one of the medications you recommended.  Thanks.

 

 

Wow.  That deserves being turned away at the door, with a clear announcement as to why. 

 

[TranquilMind]

It would cause a huge family drama? People are happy to watch you suffer so that Aunt Tilly can wear perfume?

 

Urgh. I like the idea of the noisy air purifier next to her and you walking around in some sort of medical grade mask. Of course, that would just be passive agressive and not really helpful, but the image is satisfying.

 

I'm not much help. So far in life, I haven't run into anyone that selfish. Does she not believe you or something?

 

I have a large air purifier.  I have no idea if it works for perfume, as no one comes into my house with it.  But it would be interesting to know.

It certainly got rid of the odor of a long-vacant house with old drapes and carpet.  It lingered after I refinished everything, so I used the air purifier and now it smells like a new house. 

 

[FaithManor]

I have asked the person to not wear it when she comes to visit. She was very offended (even though I tried to be as tactful as possible). Her response was to wear more perfume the next time she came over. This issue has been going on for years, but my reaction to it is getting worse.

 

I will try one of the medications you recommended. Thanks.

 

I would no longer extend invitations.

[displace]

I wonder if you dabbed Vicks or something barely inside your nose if that would be enough to block her sent- kind of CSI shows where they're in the morgue- or at least confuse your nose.

Vicks is so strong it could cause difficulty breathing in some, especially if s/he already has allergies. But along those lines, maybe gum? You can put on room fans, open windows, and sit away from her, breathe through your mouth if it doesn't harm your breathing. Maybe have an excuse to be in a different room (in the kitchen cooking and the overhead oven fan on). Maybe a room air filter running.

[snowbeltmom]

Family drama be damned. That lady would not be welcome in my house again.

 

What if your next exposure puts you into full anaphylactic shock?

 

Family peace at your expense is not worth it.

Do you think it is possible that I would go into full anaphylactic shock at some point?  If I thought that was a possibility, I would not let her into my house doused in her perfume.  Otherwise,as pathetic as I know it sounds, I would rather suffer through a night feeling lousy than dealing with her reaction if I asked her to leave. 

 

This situation makes me angry and extremely sad.  I have been very clear in explaining how her perfume affects me, yet she continues to wear so much of it that we can smell her before we can see her.  I just don't get it.

[Seasider]

Do you think it is possible that I would go into full anaphylactic shock at some point? If I thought that was a possibility, I would not let her into my house doused in her perfume. Otherwise,as pathetic as I know it sounds, I would rather suffer through a night feeling lousy than dealing with her reaction if I asked her to leave.

 

This situation makes me angry and extremely sad. I have been very clear in explaining how her perfume affects me, yet she continues to wear so much of it that we can smell her before we can see her. I just don't get it.

You are well within reason to discontinue invites to your home. It's not a matter preference, it's a real necessity.

 

I wonder, next time together would you be willing to wear a mask? Just so that when people ask, you can meekly say, "It's ordered by the doctor because my lungs react violently to perfumes." Let them form a majority in support of you.

[PrincessMommy]

Wow.  That deserves being turned away at the door, with a clear announcement as to why. 

 

 

yup.

 

I would announce ahead of time that you cannot tolerate any perfumes and ask *everyone* to please refrain.  If she doesn't have the decency to comply then turn her away for health reasons.  She can complain all she wants but it wasn't like she wasn't warned AND you have many witnesses to prove it.

Edited October 16, 2016 by PrincessMommy

[Melissa in Australia]

why continue to invite her to you house? why have someone there who makes you physically ill? 

 

DH has Multiple Chemical Sensitivities, his are so bad that he is on a disability pension. 

 

 People who wear lots of scent are not welcome at our house. most visitors are entertained out on our big veranda where there is lots of fresh air  

 

 

[snowbeltmom]

why continue to invite her to you house? why have someone there who makes you physically ill? 

 

DH has Multiple Chemical Sensitivities, his are so bad that he is on a disability pension. 

 

 People who wear lots of scent are not welcome at our house. most visitors are entertained out on our big veranda where there is lots of fresh air  

She is my mother.

 

Sorry to hear about your husband's situation.

[Seasider]

She is my mother.

 

Sorry to hear about your husband's situation.

Dear, I believe you have more freedom here than you realize. You are an adult. She is acting like a child. Apparently she has always had her way and no one wants to ruffle her feathers. She is bullying you. Time for you to stop caring about the approval of others (by that I mean her) and defend your right to breathe.

 

Who among us wouldn't stop wearing fragrances if our own child suffered as you do? Seriously? She's the one being selfish, not you. Stand your ground and I bet people will quietly acknowledge your action with gratitude.

 

This from the gal who finally had to have the perfume throw-down with her own mom...

[PrincessMommy]

Dear, I believe you have more freedom here than you realize. You are an adult. She is acting like a child. Apparently she has always had her way and no one wants to ruffle her feathers. She is bullying you. Time for you to stop caring about the approval of others (by that I mean her) and defend your right to breathe.

 

Who among us wouldn't stop wearing fragrances if our own child suffered as you do? Seriously? She's the one being selfish, not you. Stand your ground and I bet people will quietly acknowledge your action with gratitude.

 

This from the gal who finally had to have the perfume throw-down with her own mom...

 

can you come live at my house at Thanksgiving :hurray:

[AimeeM]

She is my mother.

 

Sorry to hear about your husband's situation.

Then you should be even more offended that she clearly cares more about her "right" to wear her perfume than she does about your (her daughter's) health. 

 

Mother or not, she wouldn't be allowed back at my home until she stopped wearing the perfume. She has every right to wear it - you have every right to decide who comes in your home and who doesn't.

Suffering like this isn't good for any of the other family - including your DH and children - especially during the holiday season. They deserve to have you at your best, not miserable; you deserve to feel okay if the situation can be remedied and, as hard as it might be to remedy it, it can be remedied.

[snowbeltmom]

Dear, I believe you have more freedom here than you realize. You are an adult. She is acting like a child. Apparently she has always had her way and no one wants to ruffle her feathers. She is bullying you. Time for you to stop caring about the approval of others (by that I mean her) and defend your right to breathe.

 

Who among us wouldn't stop wearing fragrances if our own child suffered as you do? Seriously? She's the one being selfish, not you. Stand your ground and I bet people will quietly acknowledge your action with gratitude.

 

This from the gal who finally had to have the perfume throw-down with her own mom...

Yep.  This is it in a nutshell.  I have long stopped caring about her approval, but ruffling feathers creates a lot of backlash from my dad and I would much rather figure out a way to deal with my reaction to the perfume if possible.  From researching more online today, though, I am not too optimistic that medication is going to help.

 

I am so jealous of all of you who have mothers who would just stop wearing the perfume. 

 

 

[zoobie]

Do you think it is possible that I would go into full anaphylactic shock at some point? If I thought that was a possibility, I would not let her into my house doused in her perfume. Otherwise,as pathetic as I know it sounds, I would rather suffer through a night feeling lousy than dealing with her reaction if I asked her to leave.

 

This situation makes me angry and extremely sad. I have been very clear in explaining how her perfume affects me, yet she continues to wear so much of it that we can smell her before we can see her. I just don't get it.

If she used her hands to physically choke you just enough where it made it hard for you to breathe, would you invite her back?

[gardenmom5]

She is my mother.

 

Sorry to hear about your husband's situation.

 

You have my condolences to have such a mother.   this was my grandmother.  if she couldn't make us comply - she'd drag grandpa into it. as I child I adored him.  as an adult, I recognized he enabled her (re: HIS opinions were taken with a grain of salt.), but was also caught up in her net. 

 

I do have one thing to thank her for. . . once I was able to tell her where to shove her opinions, no one could guilt me into anything.

 

have you read boundaries?  I would strongly suggest it.

 

Then you should be even more offended that she clearly cares more about her "right" to wear her perfume than she does about your (her daughter's) health. 

 

Mother or not, she wouldn't be allowed back at my home until she stopped wearing the perfume. She has every right to wear it - you have every right to decide who comes in your home and who doesn't.

Suffering like this isn't good for any of the other family - including your DH and children - especially during the holiday season. They deserve to have you at your best, not miserable; you deserve to feel okay if the situation can be remedied and, as hard as it might be to remedy it, it can be remedied.

:iagree:   this.

 

please think about the example you are setting for your children.  they will see you being weak to someone who doesn't give a rip about your health and welfare, all the worse because it is your mother.  I watched this type of scenario for years between my mother and my grandmother. . . . I remember the day grandmother sicked' grandpa on me becasue I wouldn't listen to her. it was eye opening.   oh -  I could never see my mother, as a mother nor did I respect her (I loved her, but she wasn't someone I could ever rely  upon), she never ever stood up to her parents . . , not even to protect her children. 

if your father would rather keep the peace with his tantruming wife, and SUPPORTING HER wearing perfume that is making HIS DAUGHTER ill  - he can have her.  and can accompany her out.

 

 

eta: the reason I say to think about what your example is teaching your kids. . . they will think this is normal, and that they are supposed to put up with this sort of crap from other people. 

Edited October 16, 2016 by gardenmom5

[HollyDay]

you have to decide if you wish to invite her in your home.  You cannot control going over to other people's homes and she is there.  It is up to them to invite her or not.  But, you can only control you.  So, you have to decide if you wish her in your home or you wish to be in another home with her there.  It really comes down to that. 

 

Another thought....even if she does not apply the offending perfume on the day of her visit to your home, will her clothing already be saturated with the scent?  Will she pick up enough residual scent from her carseats  to cause a problem? 

 

Family drama is what it is and it is not pleasant no matter the cause. 

[Seasider]

Yep. This is it in a nutshell. I have long stopped caring about her approval, but ruffling feathers creates a lot of backlash from my dad and I would much rather figure out a way to deal with my reaction to the perfume if possible. From researching more online today, though, I am not too optimistic that medication is going to help.

 

I am so jealous of all of you who have mothers who would just stop wearing the perfume.

Backlash from your dad? As in he fusses at you about it? He is bullying you, too, then. He is a grown man, you are a grown woman. If my father still chastised me as if I were a little child, he'd get the "no soup for you" right along with mom. You should be able to discuss the issue reasonably. If she's choosing to take offense, that's her decision. Your dad jumps on you because it's easier than listening to her rail about it at home. Too bad for him, but he chose that marriage and set of spouse behaviors.

 

I am sorry to speak so bluntly, but due to some circumstances I've had to deal with this year, I've come to the very firm conclusion that it's very important for children and parents to be able to deal reasonably with each other as capable peers, parents cannot dictate an adult child's decision making. They may earn the respect to cause an adult child to cherish their advice, but they are not to rule in perpetuity.

 

(FTR, I understand that true bullying is a serious matter, not to be taken lightly. I refer to what appears to be them still trying to "pull rank" on you when by this point in your life your interactions should be more on the level of peers.)

[snowbeltmom]

Thanks,everyone, for all your input.

[AMJ]

Wow, that wasn't nice of her.

 

If she has been wearing the heavy scent for years, I'd guess she's gone nose-blind to it and perhaps can't imagine how strong it actually is. You are a trooper, the problem I have is strong smells like that clinging to my upholstered furniture wherever that person sits.

 

Perhaps you could get a simple saline nasal rinse and see if that helps at all.

 

Is there anyone else in the family who could broach the subject with the stinker? Maybe if she thought there was a very young family member having respiratory problems, she would be more agreeable about your request.

 

If you can't breathe in your own home when she visits, you may have to take to meeting that person separately in a neutral (well ventilated!) location.

 

 

When I was pregnant I was highly nauseous for 4 1/2 months each time.  During my first pregnancy I took to riding a commuter bus (motor coach-type), and one day a man boarded and sat down next to me.  After a moment I asked him if he would let me out so I could change seats.  He started to get offended and asked me why.  I explained that I was pregnant and prone to bad nausea and the cigarette smoke on him was setting off my nausea.  He said he didn't smoke.  I responded (apologetically) that the smell was all over him so maybe he lived with a smoker?  He then offered to change seats himself and I, again apologetically, explained that the smell was already in the fabric of the seats and I would have to move anyway.

 

 

OP, I have had plenty of coworkers, friends, and acquaintances who have had allergies to scents.  One friend got so bad she had to isolate herself a lot and use a glass-lidded box with rubber gloves to study because she started reacting to the ink in her textbooks.  You have mentioned your reactions are getting worse -- don't let this continue, or it CAN reach dangerous levels.

 

DO speak to your relative, in the company of other family if need be, and explain exactly how difficult it is for you to breathe after being exposed to various chemicals and how long after exposure the debilitating effects can last.  Explain that this is not anything you can help, and repeat again your request that everyone refrain from wearing scents when visiting you.  Explain that while you really enjoy being around family for the holidays you simply must insist that such chemicals not come into your home at all, and if you encounter such chemicals at others' houses or venues you will be forced to leave to preserve your ability to breathe and function.

 

If anyone tries to play up the drama stay dead calm and reply that unfortunately you do consider being able to breathe to be of paramount importance.  This is not you throwing down an ultimatum (it's either her or me!).  This is you letting family know what you need to be able to breathe.  Whenever you encounter someone who insists on wearing scent despite your notice and request, leave, or if it's your place ask them to leave immediately (apologizing the whole time, and repeating that your allergy to their scent is causing your throat to close).

[Guest]

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Edited September 9, 2020 by Æthelthryth the Texan