When a child molester is a child (PS vent - long).

[Vida Winter]

I just found out today that a child (7th grade boy) that goes to my dd's school is an admitted child molester (preyed on a 5yo girl). The DA is not pressing charges against this kid (???) and his victim is the one receiving counseling - the kid is I guess being watched carefully at school. He has befriended many of the girls in the class including my 13 year old dd. I think "outward appearances" are that he is a nice kid and even though his classmates have heard rumors they have been giving him the benefit of the doubt.

 

Apparently the girl he molested was at a daycare that his sister ran. It was serious enough that his own sister called in the authorities (on her brother). They closed the daycare and there is an investigation. The insane thing is that the sister also runs a preschool (across from an elementary school) and the kid is still hanging around there. The victim's parents are pursuing legal action on their own since the DA seems unwilling to press charges.

 

I just found out about this today. I feel like I have been punched in the gut. I had a very long talk with my dd today (I was afraid that she may have been another victim) and I think things are okay that way. But what I want to know is what is this kid still doing in school and why is he not prevented from being around younger children? I feel like the sane person in the crazy house babbling to myself here. I talked to the principal of the school today for over an hour. I realize this kid is most likely a victim of abuse himself, but I have no doubt that if he's doing this at 12, he will continue. How many will he victimize? I have no idea what kind of help is available for him.

 

Now that I feel partly better about my daughter's safety, what should I do? Contact other parents, the DA, ??? We live in very small town. Everyone knows everyone and we are a new family. I don't want to yank my dd out of PS (8th grade) because of this -- I just want that kid out of there. She's a great kid, straight A's and does sports, band and choir. If I were to yank her out of school it would be like punishing her.

 

I am still reeling here. If you've read this far, thanks. I could use some prayer and some advice if anyone has some input.

[cathmom]

This is not surprising in the least. I'm pretty sure I read a similar story in Gavin DeBecker's book Protecting the Gift. I am sorry you are having to deal with this! At least now your dd knows to stay away from him.

[Annabel Lee]

and if the boy was 12 when the abuse happened, he could be prosecuted. However, if it happened before then, he's considered by the system to be "s#xually reactive" rather than a perpetrator. The thinking behind it is that since he's still within the age range to be considered a child, that he's reacting to something inappropriate that was introduced to him. At least those are the laws and methods where I live.

He needs to be under the close watch of a good counselor. He needs to admit to having a problem and know what his triggers are and know when to ask for help dealing with it (and be willing to). It's not fair that the other children around him and their families may have no knowledge of this. The school system can implement (or maybe someone could force them to?) a certain policy (up here it's called a Section 504 plan, or something similar) that will require them to a) acknowledge that the school has recieved in full disclosure all the details and risks of having this student present, b) form a plan to absolutely ensure his and all the other children's safety and personal boundaries and c), if the school needs to get an additional staff member assigned just to provide extra supervision for him (like check the bathroom before he goes in to make sure no other students are in there, & stand outside not allowing anyone else in until he's done, etc.) then implementing this type of plan would allow that school the funds they might need to do so.

Just keep instilling good values and boundary rules into your daughter and be there to love on her so much that hopefully she won't feel like she 'needs' it from anyone else. HTH!

[Another Lynn]

I was in a similar situation as your daughter when I was a little older than her except that the boy was at church, not school. My Mom was very open with us and we were aware not to be alone with him - EVER. The parents of the victim did not press charges formally. It is my opinion that they misinterpreted Bible verses about taking church members to court - ridiculous. So it was years later when he was caught breaking and entering into a house that he began to be on record with the authorities.

 

All this to say that imo it is a great disservice when these crimes are not publicly prosecuted!

 

As far as how our situation worked out. It was not pretty. There were a lot of mistakes made on both sides of the aisle, so to speak. There was a lot of gossip and outrage (understandable). There was a lot of defensiveness from the family of the abuser. ugh!

 

This is the problem.... when justice is not meeted out from the proper authorities, those who fear the worst (that was our position) feel the need to warn everyone. This, of course, led to an "open wound" in all these relationships and a near split in the church. Many hateful things were said in the name of love.

 

All these events are over 20 years old now, so in hindsight I think justice was the only thing that could have prevented the chaos that followed.

 

I know that doesn't help you much. I think I would continue following up with the principal, and a letter to the DA. A letter will not change his decision, but it still seems like the right thing to do. And of course the first thing to do is what you mentioned already, pray! SO many specific things to cover in prayer - your daughter's safety, other girls' safety, recovery of the victim, the family pressing charges - and their success with their case, the abuser, his family, the preschool, the principal and any choices she/he has regarding the situation....

 

I feel for you! :grouphug:

[Aggie]

If I were to yank her out of school it would be like punishing her.

 

 

 

We have a 7th grader also. She is mature and knowledgeable and smart for her age. (I forgot to finish this thought! LOL) We have talked with her many times about protecting herself, how to watch for danger, what to do in certain cases, etc. Even with our dialogue, it would be impossible to predict the boy. It is impossible, and probably highly unlikely, that the school will watch him.

 

It's what we know about that we can fight. It's what we don't know about that we can't protect our dc from. We can teach our dc so many things and so many ways to avoid this...then one incident is all it takes. Just one.

 

For our family, the only decision would be to bring her home. Believe me when I say that to be molested is, by far, a greater 'punishment'.

 

Aggie

Edited October 9, 2008 by Aggie

[Jennifer3141]

Dana, you need to gather the other moms who are worried and make an appointment to see the principal so you can get facts of the case and tell him/her what you want to done to insure the safety of your child.

 

Be calm. Stay calm. All you need is to make sure your DD is safe. You can do that.

 

Jen

[ChristusG]

I dont know....that's a tough one. I mean, at 12 years old, the boy is still a child. I remember my mindset at 12 years old...I was still playing with toys and playing outside every day, I wasnt an adult in any sense of the word. This boy may have either been abused himself, or has impulses/feelings that he has no idea how to control. He needs help....definitely counseling, definitely some people in his life that can be stable for him. And he most definitely does not need to be in situations where he is alone or out of sight with other children. I feel sorry for him because he is still a child and he could very well feel lost and very confused about what he did right now.

 

Then again, I see the other side of it.....would I want my child to be exposed to a possible situation like this? Of course not. I would just keep reiterating to my daughter about how she should handle herself in situations if she is every approached by the boy.

[jplain]

If you haven't already, please do read the book cathmom mentioned: Protecting the Gift, by Gavin de Becker.

 

That book should be required reading for all parents. It is not about being scared of shadows and living in fear. It is about learning to trust your instincts and act on them without being hampered by social/gender roles, and teaching your children to do the same.

[luna]

I, too, feel sorry for the boy. Hopefully he is getting help if he is to have a healthy future. As far as the other children, it is important for them to be educated about their personal safety in general, not just from this one other student. Unfortunately, any time our children are in the care of others there is the possibility of something going wrong. The best prevention (other than them never leaving our presence!) is to keep them informed about how to stay safe. It is a harsh reality, but a necesary one. I think that when we focus all our attention on one worry, we often miss other ones. I would suggest you be cautious in how you approach this with other parents. It should not be a witch hunt against the boy. Trust me, I think he needs lots of intervention NOW, but the rest of the students could easily be at risk from other things, not only the one you know about.

[shell in SC]

Similar situation here. . .except the boy (11) was preying on other BOYS!!!!! He lived in our neighborhood and played with ds and all his friends. B/C he was under 12 they didn't press any charges. His parents said he was already in counseling for this b/c it had been a problem in their old neighborhood. . .WHAT????? OK, if you have a child with a problem like that, I don't think a subdivision is a good place to move! Rent a double wide out in the middle of nowhere. . .removed the temptation for your child b/c he obviously can't withstand the temptation!

 

UGH. . .that was just a vent from our situation! Unfortunately it looks like this is becoming more and more common. I"ll be praying for everyone in the situation!

 

shell

[shell in SC]

Dana/Jen. . .don't be surprised if you don't get much cooperation from the school. In our situation (which I elaborated on in a previous post below). School wouldn't do anything unless notified by DSS (Social Services), DSS wouldn't do anything unless Sheriff's dept. notified them. Sheriff's dept. wouldn't do anything b/c he was under 12 and there were no laws to cover something like that from someone so young.

 

Unless something specific happens at the school I doubt they'll do anything. Fortunately for us, we heard that the kid was transferred to another school and we haven't seen or heard from him in almost a year.

 

shell

[Chris in VA]

Oh, I have such a sick feeling in my stomach after reading your post, OP. I'm just sorry for the boy, his victim, your daughter, the whole retched situation.

 

Keep your dd safe, and I second going to the principal and finding out more information. If you are a praying woman, I'd pray for safety and for healing all around. I'm just so sorry for this situation.

[happymainemom]

I would suggest you be cautious in how you approach this with other parents. It should not be a witch hunt against the boy. Trust me, I think he needs lots of intervention NOW, but the rest of the students could easily be at risk from other things, not only the one you know about.

 

I would agree with this. I understand every emotion you (op) have as we have had a similar situation in our district. So we need to do everything we can with our own children. Teach them the appropriate way to handle themselves.

 

I also try to put myself in the other's shoes. There are a lot of terrible families out there and this may be one of them, but they may also be doing the best they can to rehabilitate their child. The job of the DA is to do what is best for the offender and the community at the same time. And the goal of the juvinille system is not to just lock them all up, but to do whatever they can to rehabilitate the offenders so that they can lead better lives. After the child turns 18, those options are generally out the window. I'm sure that his parents are devestated and heartbroken at the actions of their child as are the parents of the victim.

 

I hope that your situation turns out for the better and that the kid gets the help he needs. My thoughts and prayers are certianly with all involved. :)

[jonesloonybin]

Wow. I remember the incident you are referring to. That was when we still lived in Oregon. I would mention in to one of the other Moms. Casual like. Chit chat for a bit and then "Hey we are new here and I heard that there is a child here that is a sex offender (or however you want to word it), do you know anything about that? What is going on with it?" Then you can find out if it is real common knowledge or not and what other Moms are feeling. Since you are new it just comes across as info gathering. If other Moms are concerned then you can get them together so it is not just you "the new girl" causing trouble. I cannot imagine that they do not have something in place.

 

Just warn your daughter.

[emeraldjoy]

I, too, feel sorry for the boy. Hopefully he is getting help if he is to have a healthy future. As far as the other children, it is important for them to be educated about their personal safety in general, not just from this one other student. Unfortunately, any time our children are in the care of others there is the possibility of something going wrong. The best prevention (other than them never leaving our presence!) is to keep them informed about how to stay safe. It is a harsh reality, but a necesary one. I think that when we focus all our attention on one worry, we often miss other ones. I would suggest you be cautious in how you approach this with other parents. It should not be a witch hunt against the boy. Trust me, I think he needs lots of intervention NOW, but the rest of the students could easily be at risk from other things, not only the one you know about.

 

I agree. I really like the idea of personal safety being a general rule, not one that gets focused on just when there is a perpetrator; although this poster did a much better job of saying it.

I also like the caution she gave about "witch hunt". When emotions and masses are involved this can easily be done; be careful.

 

Sometimes I wonder about the prosecution thing. In some states conviction, regardless of age, carries a lifetime label.They have to register as an offender wherever they go for the rest of their lives. In lou of our culutres sheer fascination with such issues in the media, etc, I am sure it is very confusing for young boys dealing with their biological "urges"; (not to excuse this situation). I just think if ever there is a time to help a child the younger the better and labeling might not be the best thing for rehabilitation.

 

Your family is in our thoughts for sure. Tough issue here.

 

emerald

[Jennifer3141]

Similar situation here. . .except the boy (11) was preying on other BOYS!!!!!

shell

 

Why the emphasis on BOYS? Aren't crimes against girls just as important?

 

Jen

[~Sunny~]

wow. the 12yr old needs help now because he will keep doing it. I hope that there wasn't anymore kids than just the one. Good for his sister calling it in even though she had to close her daycare.

[Jennifer3141]

We when had a convicted child molestor running around near a park, our local police department was really good about telling us the "type" this guy preferred and gave us the information of exactly what he was convicted of. Information is power.

 

Jen

[beansprouts]

I just found out today that a child (7th grade boy) that goes to my dd's school is an admitted child molester (preyed on a 5yo girl). The DA is not pressing charges against this kid (???) and his victim is the one receiving counseling - the kid is I guess being watched carefully at school. He has befriended many of the girls in the class including my 13 year old dd. I think "outward appearances" are that he is a nice kid and even though his classmates have heard rumors they have been giving him the benefit of the doubt.

 

Apparently the girl he molested was at a daycare that his sister ran. It was serious enough that his own sister called in the authorities (on her brother). They closed the daycare and there is an investigation. The insane thing is that the sister also runs a preschool (across from an elementary school) and the kid is still hanging around there. The victim's parents are pursuing legal action on their own since the DA seems unwilling to press charges.

 

I just found out about this today. I feel like I have been punched in the gut. I had a very long talk with my dd today (I was afraid that she may have been another victim) and I think things are okay that way. But what I want to know is what is this kid still doing in school and why is he not prevented from being around younger children? I feel like the sane person in the crazy house babbling to myself here. I talked to the principal of the school today for over an hour. I realize this kid is most likely a victim of abuse himself, but I have no doubt that if he's doing this at 12, he will continue. How many will he victimize? I have no idea what kind of help is available for him.

 

Now that I feel partly better about my daughter's safety, what should I do? Contact other parents, the DA, ??? We live in very small town. Everyone knows everyone and we are a new family. I don't want to yank my dd out of PS (8th grade) because of this -- I just want that kid out of there. She's a great kid, straight A's and does sports, band and choir. If I were to yank her out of school it would be like punishing her.

 

I am still reeling here. If you've read this far, thanks. I could use some prayer and some advice if anyone has some input.

 

I haven't read other replies. I would call DCF. The 7th grader has been abused, is acting out his abuse, and needs counseling and services.

 

We had a similar issue with the little girl next door, though she was much younger. We found that she was acting out sexually with other children (including our then 3yo ds.) My dh spoke with the parents, then he called our pastor who put him in touch with a lawyer. The lawyer told dh that where there was suspicion of child abuse, he is legally obligated to make a report.

 

I am sorry, it is awful! But plese remember your 7th grader is still a child himself who has been hurt. He needs help, not condemnation.

[shell in SC]

I also try to put myself in the other's shoes. There are a lot of terrible families out there and this may be one of them, but they may also be doing the best they can to rehabilitate their child. The job of the DA is to do what is best for the offender and the community at the same time. And the goal of the juvinille system is not to just lock them all up, but to do whatever they can to rehabilitate the offenders so that they can lead better lives. After the child turns 18, those options are generally out the window. I'm sure that his parents are devestated and heartbroken at the actions of their child as are the parents of the victim.

 

I hope that your situation turns out for the better and that the kid gets the help he needs. My thoughts and prayers are certianly with all involved. :)

 

The problem is. . .sometimes. . .that the family could care less. In our situation the family really didn't seem concerned and we weren't even sure if DJJ would step in b/c there were no laws to cover this situation being perpetrated by someone this age. I do feel bad for the kid b/c somewhere he was exposed to this and it's unfair and it doesn't look like the therapy is working, but I don't know if he got the intensive treatment/help that he needed.

[shell in SC]

Why the emphasis on BOYS? Aren't crimes against girls just as important?

 

Jen

 

Absolutely, I emphasized it more for me I think. In raising children I've always taught DD with the mindset that there are males out there that could hurt her ( and she did turn in a boy for grabbing her B*east when she was in 7th grade. . .he got suspended), but I think that I've always had in my mind when I think of someone potentially harming my son, it's a man not a boy. You're always alert to men acting strange or whatever, but I never really considered that a boy/a friend of my son could possibly do harm as well. I think my emphasizing it was more of a therapuetic thing for me and as well as for anyone else out there that doesn't think as clearly as we should!

[shell in SC]

Dana. . .we didn't do anything drastic. DS was not a victim, we did have to refocus educating him on protecting his body. We didn't want him to attach anything negative to his friends that were victims, which is why we tried not do take drastic measures that he would be aware of.

 

If your DD hasn't been a victim, I would just review the guidlines of personal safety. She has to know though that we don't let someone like this ruin/change our lives. . .we push through it and persevere.

[Vida Winter]

 

Thank you so much for your replies so far. Please keep them coming, I really need the input. I have read Protecting the Gift (a couple of years ago) and I'll definitely read it again.

 

The child in question was apparently "raised in daycare." A daycare run by his grandmother. A daycare that had "incidents and issues." So this kid is a classic abuse case. I am telling you, the more I find out about this, the worse it gets.

 

What does not make sense to me is the way the community is "not reacting" to this. My daughters' friends family (with twin teen girls) give this kid a ride to school in the morning. :confused: The family of the abuser are long time residents around here with many relatives and connections.

 

I am going to have to get involved in something. I do intend to keep working with the principal of the school - she is honest and forthright. The abuser needs help and he is not getting it. As far as I can tell the only one receiving any type of counseling is the 5 year old victim. I don't want to lead a witch hunt - but at the same time I can't just stick my head in the sand, which seems to be the reaction of most folks around here.

 

Please keep posting. I need to hear your stories.

 

~Dana

 

 

 

 

[swellmomma]

I just found out today that a child (7th grade boy) that goes to my dd's school is an admitted child molester (preyed on a 5yo girl). The DA is not pressing charges against this kid (???) and his victim is the one receiving counseling - the kid is I guess being watched carefully at school. He has befriended many of the girls in the class including my 13 year old dd. I think "outward appearances" are that he is a nice kid and even though his classmates have heard rumors they have been giving him the benefit of the doubt.

 

Apparently the girl he molested was at a daycare that his sister ran. It was serious enough that his own sister called in the authorities (on her brother). They closed the daycare and there is an investigation. The insane thing is that the sister also runs a preschool (across from an elementary school) and the kid is still hanging around there. The victim's parents are pursuing legal action on their own since the DA seems unwilling to press charges.

 

I just found out about this today. I feel like I have been punched in the gut. I had a very long talk with my dd today (I was afraid that she may have been another victim) and I think things are okay that way. But what I want to know is what is this kid still doing in school and why is he not prevented from being around younger children? I feel like the sane person in the crazy house babbling to myself here. I talked to the principal of the school today for over an hour. I realize this kid is most likely a victim of abuse himself, but I have no doubt that if he's doing this at 12, he will continue. How many will he victimize? I have no idea what kind of help is available for him.

 

Now that I feel partly better about my daughter's safety, what should I do? Contact other parents, the DA, ??? We live in very small town. Everyone knows everyone and we are a new family. I don't want to yank my dd out of PS (8th grade) because of this -- I just want that kid out of there. She's a great kid, straight A's and does sports, band and choir. If I were to yank her out of school it would be like punishing her.

 

I am still reeling here. If you've read this far, thanks. I could use some prayer and some advice if anyone has some input.

 

 

This is always a tough thing. My dd was molested this summer by another child and it is so hard to figure out what to do, because on one hand the child is a predator on the other they are still a child. In my dd's case the child was too young to even be charged, which made it worse imo because there was nothing to be done to protect other children until he is older and has a longer list of victims. In my case I left my dd in camp and had the other child removed. In your dd's situation a couple things come to mind, 1 is chances are because she is older she is not going to be assaulted by him, he likes little girls from the sounds of it. Make sure she knows what to do, how to fight back etc. And chances are she would be fine. Gut reaction is to pull our child out of the area that person is in and keep them close, trust me I know, I struggled with it this summer. Given the low risk of this boy assaulting your dd I would let her make the decision to stay or go there, (I would be saying differently if the attacker was a teacher or person of authority). She has not been hurt and should not be punished because of what this boy did to another child.

 

As for the boy I would first contact the prinicpal and ask what steps they are taking to keep the students both in the school and the preschool across the street safe. I would talk with the family of the little girl and ask what you can do to help them with their legal suit. It is by their actions towards that boy legally that will determine if he remains in that school or not. Until he harms a child at the school they likely won't expell him regardless of what he did outside of the school.

 

As a parent it is gutwrenching to realize that our children have a predator right in their peer group. I had always talked to dd about what to do if an adult touched her etc I never imagined a child doing such a thing, and as a result neither she nor I were prepared for that scenario.

 

Off to read the rest of the replies, but I hope that you can feel a little more at ease with allowing your dd to lead her life the way she deserves without letting the fear of this pervert ruin it for her.

[CLHCO]

wow. the 12yr old needs help now because he will keep doing it. I hope that there wasn't anymore kids than just the one. Good for his sister calling it in even though she had to close her daycare.

 

Yes, and no. I admit I think he needs help from a knowing, personal counselor. I read a few months ago (can't find a report now) how up to 90% of youth who are guilty of such crimes do not usually grow up to be the life-long ones that occur when an adult does this. There is some maturity issues at play and the point of the article was to address how some of the intervention techniques used for adults is actually more damaging to a youth. If he is listed as a criminal, he will be registered and some of the manditory interventions could backfire.

 

Personally, I find that to be good news, in a way. It's not good that it ever happened, but at least there is a chance we won't have a life long issue of multiple victims if handled correctly.

 

It's a touchy issue. I don't think we have all the answers yet on how to handle such situations.

[kat19]

It's hard for me to reply because this has happened in my family.

 

My nephew has been away(in a group home) for over a year now due to being molested and then doing it to others.

It started out when he was young~he is 11 now.

In this group home, when the boys(yes in this case it's all boys) get to the home they are not allowed to go to school~they get taught at the home.

After completing some of the program(not sure how much) then they are allowed to go to school~my nephew is in school now.

 

My nephew has been "meeting his weeks" but he still has about 16-17 weeks "to meet" before he can come home.

 

Sorry I'm not much help, but I just wanted you to know it's a tough situation for everyone.

 

[Retired]

I feel for your situation but this also is a issue in churches. There was a family in our church/home school group that adopted 8 Foster kids all had history of some type of abuse. The 12 yo adopted male raped one of the 6 year old daughters, he and she were given counseling but neither were removed from th e home. This family moved across state line to start over. The male then at age 13 attempted rape again, the parents did nothing but counseling. The same male raped one of the adopted boys and another of the older adopted boys joined in the incident by picking another boys and raping him. The rapes occurred nightly for months. There were 6 boys ages 14-6 sharing a room. The 2 boys were finally taken to a Juvenal facility. I still pray for them and I know with there background it was learned behavior but the adopted parents should of had these kids separated and I believe that they should let the other parents know. When it came out they said that is was there family and not our business

I know people have a heart for adoption and want to help but I use to work adolescent psychiatric unit these incidents are very common. I guess my point is these abused children are in your home school groups and Church's.

 

I am sorry your experience this fear for your child at school.

 

I can tell you that one of these boys that had raped a child, spent allot of time in my home before the situation came out. I was lucky nothing happen to my kids.

[Renai]

I skimmed over many of the responses, and my viewpoint is coming from having worked in a juvenile prison for boys ages 10-19. The youngers were separated from the olders because of predators and/or "favors." 98% of the younger ones - ages 10-14 - were s*x offenders. The gender and age of the victims didn't matter, both genders, all ages, family members, friends, and enemies.

 

I don't where someone got the statistic that 90% of this type of offender do not grow to be adult offenders, but in the prison system, we heard differently. It was more like up to 90% do become adult offenders. And rehabilitation of s*x offenders is the hardest type of rehabilitation- which is probably one reason most of these children (yes, they are children) continue to offend (yes, 10yr rapist still have the mentality of a 10yr old).

 

And please remember, these offenses have nothing to do with s*x, urges, or hormones- it is about power. Yes, even children use this as a form of power over others.

 

That boy needs help. NOW. And away from temptation. Yes, he offended against a much younger child, but most data shows that preferences aren't solidified among children as much as they are among adults (gender preferences either). If he is not getting help, I'd push the issue until he got it. Not a witch hunt, but with statistics (prior abuse, only one offense caught- who knows if there were others), odds are against him, and I'd much rather he fall on the good side of the data.

 

I don't want to sound fatalistic, but something really needs to be done to help him. Without counseling, and finding the source of what caused the first(?) offense, and teaching what to do in a similar instance, something could happen to trigger another offense. There is a cycle, and he has to learn how to break it.

 

Renai

[luna]

These stories are appalling, sad and simply make me want to cry. The causes run so deep and the solutions are so complex that it is difficult to know which path to take. I am one to think that rehabilitation for a sex offender is not possible and they should be put in prison forever. But, in this case, it is hard to say that about someone so young. Perhaps if we had more intervention at a younger age, there would be fewer adult offenders? I'd like to think so, though I don't know.

I will add that perhaps the boy is getting help but the information is being kept private, as it really should be. It is unfair for any information about the victim or offender being made public when they are both children. I know if my children were in school, I would be horrified if I weren't given the information. But truly, as I said before, the offenders we know about are not the only problem. In any school, no matter where, there are probably one or more offenders of some sort of abuse against children. And really, knowing what treatment he is getting will not protect the other children, only perhaps ease the minds of worrying parents. I would ask what the school plans to do in general to protect all of its students from any future offenses by anyone, not just the child in question.

Prayers are certainly in order all around. My heart is heavy.

Edited October 9, 2008 by luna
typo

[CLHCO]

 

I don't where someone got the statistic that 90% of this type of offender do not grow to be adult offenders, but in the prison system, we heard differently. It was more like up to 90% do become adult offenders.

 

That was me and I did read it, though in all honestly, I believe it was specific, not general. I should have been more specific. It was in a psychology publication. In other words, it was referring to specific types of crimes, not violent or with a history of such issues, specific to young boys, not 17 year olds, or those going back and forth between being a victim or the one causing the crime. They referred to the run-of-the-mill, out of nowhere situation where an older boy gets very inappropriate with a younger child, sometimes even to the point of molestation. This is actually the most common situation. The problem is that these boys are now required by law to be listed as sex offenders the same way they treat adults, put on the list and put in mandatory group situations that cause more problems, not less, and it reminded me a bit of the description here.

 

The boys back and forth in foster care with these deep scars are very likely the ones in jail and the ones who will be life-long perpetrators, but not necessarily a kid without much sense to him who has perhaps had a bit more information than he is old enough to process or control. The point of the article was to not paint them all with a broad brush because often the very therapies are what was causing some of these boys to continue into a life of this. When a single incident child with no other warning flags is put on a list then into some of the group therapies common for adults the pattern of thinking was more firmly set. The point was for private and firm guidelines for these boys when possible. I'm sure you can see how such a juvenile detention center would greatly increase a life-long problem, not help it. This is why sometimes a DA is hesitant to prosecute. Once you cross that line the law takes over and it's very black and white.

 

A black and white method doesn't always work here. If you're too lenient, you end up with a child who is dangerous out on the loose who needs to be locked away with serious therapy that likely won't work. If you take a boy who has some bad ideas in his head and went too far then put him in with a bunch of serious criminals of this nature and you fire up more of what you're trying to put out. It's like making them forget about climbing trees when he's around a forest of trees and they constantly talk about climbing them. I know that's simplistic but it's the best I could come up with.

[Renai]

That was me and I did read it, though in all honestly, I believe it was specific, not general. I should have been more specific. It was in a psychology publication. In other words, it was referring to specific types of crimes, not violent or with a history of such issues, specific to young boys, not 17 year olds, or those going back and forth between being a victim or the one causing the crime. They referred to the run-of-the-mill, out of nowhere situation where an older boy gets very inappropriate with a younger child, sometimes even to the point of molestation. This is actually the most common situation. The problem is that these boys are now required by law to be listed as sex offenders the same way they treat adults, put on the list and put in mandatory group situations that cause more problems, not less, and it reminded me a bit of the description here.

 

The boys back and forth in foster care with these deep scars are very likely the ones in jail and the ones who will be life-long perpetrators, but not necessarily a kid without much sense to him who has perhaps had a bit more information than he is old enough to process or control. The point of the article was to not paint them all with a broad brush because often the very therapies are what was causing some of these boys to continue into a life of this. When a single incident child with no other warning flags is put on a list then into some of the group therapies common for adults the pattern of thinking was more firmly set. The point was for private and firm guidelines for these boys when possible. I'm sure you can see how such a juvenile detention center would greatly increase a life-long problem, not help it. This is why sometimes a DA is hesitant to prosecute. Once you cross that line the law takes over and it's very black and white.

 

A black and white method doesn't always work here. If you're too lenient, you end up with a child who is dangerous out on the loose who needs to be locked away with serious therapy that likely won't work. If you take a boy who has some bad ideas in his head and went too far then put him in with a bunch of serious criminals of this nature and you fire up more of what you're trying to put out. It's like making them forget about climbing trees when he's around a forest of trees and they constantly talk about climbing them. I know that's simplistic but it's the best I could come up with.

 

Thanks so much for clarifying. For the situation I was in, none of the boys had been in foster care, although two in particular had a dysfunctional family (allowed to watch pornos, a lot of molestation within the extended family). Remember, I'm talking 10-14, with a majority being 10-12. Hmmm, actually that 14yr wasn't even a s*x offender, he was on that dorm because of his small size. I do have a small sample- about 16-20 boys at any one time. But most of my information comes from the in-general or learning the stats on-the-job type, like what you related to me above. I understand what you mean though- as far as first time offenders. I only know of one on that dorm that would fit that description, although he was 10 when it happened. He got mad at another boy for calling him a name and sodomized him. Because of his background and the fact that he never displayed any of this type behavior before, it was thought he'd have a better chance of rehabilitation. But, he was in prison.

 

The boy the OP talks about has a possible history of abuse (as a victim), which requires therapy in and of itself. If that is the only type he receives, that may be enough to keep him from victimizing others ( creating empathy, etc.). But, imo, the possibility of prior abuse is a warning flag, since he has already acted out.

 

Other than that, I pretty much agree with you. Placing young criminals around older ones begats more sophisticated criminals. Negative socialization and all that.

[jonesloonybin]

I am pretty sure that the boy in question did have some history prior to the incident in question. (if it is the same boy I am thinking about.) It was in the news in Oregon when it happened and alot of people had concerns about how safe the daycare facility was if this could happen. Seems to me that the boy had other problems. I remember because at the time my IL's where really bugging me about putting the youngest in daycare and going back to work. Then this happened and I used it to show them one of the reason's why I did not want to. (not to say daycares are bad my oldest was in a daycare/preschool academy, the IL's need outside "proof" of my choices kwim??)

[jonesloonybin]

Also, I do feel for the children that get named sex offenders for the wrong reason.

Here is an article about 2 boys from Oregon that were arrested but later the case was dismissed. I did later read an article that even with the dismissal they had to deal with people treating them like sex offenders.

 

http://abcnews.go.com/TheLaw/story?id=3406214&page=1

[jonesloonybin]

Dana - is this who you are talking about??

 

http://www.kgw.com/news-local/stories/kgw_061303_news_boy_molest.b44c2672.html

[Vida Winter]

I am pretty sure that the boy in question did have some history prior to the incident in question. (if it is the same boy I am thinking about.) It was in the news in Oregon when it happened and alot of people had concerns about how safe the daycare facility was if this could happen. Seems to me that the boy had other problems. I remember because at the time my IL's where really bugging me about putting the youngest in daycare and going back to work. Then this happened and I used it to show them one of the reason's why I did not want to. (not to say daycares are bad my oldest was in a daycare/preschool academy, the IL's need outside "proof" of my choices kwim??)

 

I doubt if this is the same case you are thinking about. We are in a very small town on the East side of the state and there has been no news coverage of this to my knowledge. It is a story that could be played out anywhere, though, and unfortunately it is more common than I'd care to think about. When we lived in Virginia my neighbor's 4 year old dd was molested in a daycare - by the owner - a woman! Unbelievable. What's more I think the woman got away with it (no jail/probation) although her daycare was closed.

 

These stories are heartbreaking. Is there anything that can stop the cycle of abuse once it is set in motion?

[Vida Winter]

Dana - is this who you are talking about??

 

http://www.kgw.com/news-local/stories/kgw_061303_news_boy_molest.b44c2672.html

 

Nope not this one.

[Julie in CA]

Apparently the girl he molested was at a daycare that his sister ran. It was serious enough that his own sister called in the authorities (on her brother). They closed the daycare and there is an investigation. The insane thing is that the sister also runs a preschool (across from an elementary school) and the kid is still hanging around there. The victim's parents are pursuing legal action on their own since the DA seems unwilling to press charges.

 

 

If there is an ongoing investigation, it seems possible that the DA isn't necessarily unwilling to press charges, but is simply waiting until the investigation is completed to make a judgement. The school may be waiting on the same thing. Perhaps you could contact the DA's office and ask if they have an estimated timeline for completion of the investigation?

[angela in ohio]

The highest percentage of offenders of children 6 and under are teens and young adults. This is not uncommon.

 

From what I've seen at the schools dh has taught at, in sexual and physical assaults, the school protects the perpetrator's rights and the victim is not usually considered. Nor are the future potential victims. When I weigh the rights of one child to remain in school versus the rights of an entire school of children's right to not spend a lifetime dealing with the agony caused by abuse, with their future spouses and families also a consideration... well, it just doesn't seem like a hard choice.

[Vida Winter]

I took my dc to swim lessons this afternoon and discussed all this with a friend. She knew all about it. Apparently I am the last person in town to find out about this.:sad:

 

Already many parents have written to the DA and she is making excuses and dragging her feet - why? Nobody knows. I plan on writing a letter to her as well. She can't comment on the case, so it wouldn't do any good to visit her office.

 

The molestation occurred in late June. The perpetrator has not even been interviewed yet.

[Vida Winter]

On a related note...

 

I am thinking of getting a copy of "Protecting the Gift" for my dd's school principal. Would you do something like this?

 

~D

[emeraldjoy]

These stories are heartbreaking. Is there anything that can stop the cycle of abuse once it is set in motion?

 

In my undergraduate studies I read a book about a tribal village in Canada. The community is called Hollow Water; and the book is called Return to the Teachings. I can't remember the author right away, but if anyone is interested I could find the book. Maybe a basic internet search of Hollow Water would come up something

 

The book is written by a White public defender who went into these communities and dealt with legal issues. In Hollow Water it was found out that 90% of the community was in one way or another involved in sexual abuse. Some were the offenders and others were the victims and many were both. The cycle had been going on a long and "western" model of punishment simply was not working.

 

This community decided to take it into their own hands and deal with the problems as a community. They decided to go back to some of their roots and try to face the problem the way they traditionally would have without interference from the outside. With the model they used, they claimed a 90% success rate and were even reuniting children with parents who were the abusers. The few that did not get better, were sent away from the community for good.

 

This community believed that punitive punishments were not working and after the perpetrators were sent away, they came back even worse. They also recognized that the natural emotion of shame kept much of what was going on secret. EVERYONE knew it was happening but noone wanted to talk about it. They first brought it all into the open .

 

Another main premise of this was that they did not want to send all of the "bad guys" away, they saw them as valuable assets to their communites and firmly believed that the best thing to do was keep them within the community and AS A COMMUNITY work through the problems. They did indvidual therapy, group therapy as well as having mentors and guards or lookouts within the community. Eventually the victims would face the abusers in a circular settings with full community support and they would, on a human level, face the reality of the pain that such actions cause.

 

I think this model might be loosley called "restorative justice".

 

As I am getting into this, I am realizing that I am not representing the situation to its full capacity.

 

I just like that it is a different way to look at things, especially since our current treatment plans for predators don't work.

 

emerald

[Annabel Lee]

I think this model might be loosley called "restorative justice".

 

I'll 2nd that. It's really the humane and natural way to go about things. Who ever decided that sending people with offending/predatory behaviour off to special homes/prisons together would be a good thing? I think in *some* settings, they end up getting reinforcement for that behaviour from their peers. Worse yet, some even learn of new negative behaviours in these settings. I don't have any alternative to offer though.

 

It blows my mind that the perp. hasn't even been interviewed yet. Something I ran into with the situation I had to deal with was that the parent's were completely in denial that their children could be involved with "any such thing". They were uncooperative with all authorities from school to children's services. Only later did they disclose that their teen son had been in and out of juvi and in an out-of-state facility. He was previously being allowed to babysit his younger siblings who were passing this behaviour on to their peers.

 

It is heartbreaking. Pray for complete restoration, for God to restore many times over what the enemy has taken. Trust me, it is far better a feeling to fret over being a "smother mother" (overprotective) than to find yourself wailing to God "how could I have let this happen?".