I have created this monster. It's me. This child is all pi*sy because of PBJ lunch.

[imeverywoman]

She wants food. Hot food. Like a cooked meal. What the heck? I made eggs,etc for breakfast not two hours ago. I have freshly baked bread for PJB's. And fresh baked banana bread, to boot.

 

WHAT IS WRONG WITH THIS KID?????

 

 

Thank you for letting me vent. Slap me if you feel it necessary.

 

I'm **** ******* and I approve this message.

[TammyinTN]

Honestly...let her go hungry for a meal and she will appreciate what you give her tomorrow.

[unsinkable]

Honestly...let her go hungry for a meal and she will appreciate what you give her tomorrow.

 

Picture yourself in a wheelchair in a nursing home in 50 years with someone doing this to you.

[Cricket]

She wants food. Hot food. Like a cooked meal. What the heck? I made eggs,etc for breakfast not two hours ago. I have freshly baked bread for PJB's. And fresh baked banana bread, to boot.

 

WHAT IS WRONG WITH THIS KID?????

 

 

Thank you for letting me vent. Slap me if you feel it necessary.

 

I'm **** ******* and I approve this message.

 

No advice but we have the opposite problem here. My kids want cold food even for supper. I can't blame them when it still hot here. PB&J on freshly baked bread sounds yummy to me! I've heard of grilled PB&J sandwiches (like a grilled cheese). Maybe she would like that?

[Kanga]

My dc went through a phase like this. I just made a double meal for dinner and then froze the leftovers in individual servings in the freezer. If I had served it the next day it would have been left overs. Gasp! Yuck, stale food! But if I pulled it out of the freezer a week later and heated it up it was a delightful, hot lunch.

[TammyinTN]

Actually I know of many children who wouldn't have an attitude when given the choice of food vs. no food. I thought the point was she had a bad attitude because she wasn't going to cook for her but offered her a PBJ.

[Gretchen in NJ]

Honestly...let her go hungry for a meal and she will appreciate what you give her tomorrow.

 

Actually I know of many children who wouldn't have an attitude when given the choice of food vs. no food. I thought the point was she had a bad attitude because she wasn't going to cook for her but offered her a PBJ.

I thought you gave GREAT advice. :iagree: She has a choice. She may eat what is being served or wait until the next meal to eat. It is her choice.

[Blueridge]

Well, our precious darlings can often fail to see the sacrifices we homeschooling moms make for them. To stop all the little meal-time bickerings of dissatisfaction around here, I formulated a nice little chart to post on the fridge. It was a 5 day week plan for what we served for lunch. They were also required to help me prepare it. I asked for their input and then typed it up. Now, every Monday we have cold sandwiches like tuna, cheese or PBJ...Tuesday is hot Ramen noodles...Wednesday is something frozen such as corn dogs (heated ;))...Thursday is crock pot leftovers from Wed. night...Friday is a big chef salad. No more debate. Just a quick school day noon meal. Oh, did I mention the happy little character lesson I gave all offending parties in regards to rudeness and showing respect?? :D

Ginger

[abbeyej]

Picture yourself in a wheelchair in a nursing home in 50 years with someone doing this to you.

 

I don't think that's fair. I wouldn't be rude to the people serving me just because they gave me a sandwich when I wanted pot roast! At least, I'd hope to goodness I wouldn't. Now if they were genuinely not serving my needs, it would be worth making a stink. But simply because one meal (out of three a day) wasn't exactly what I *wanted*?!

[Matryoshka]

I don't think that's fair. I wouldn't be rude to the people serving me just because they gave me a sandwich when I wanted pot roast! At least, I'd hope to goodness I wouldn't. Now if they were genuinely not serving my needs, it would be worth making a stink. But simply because one meal (out of three a day) wasn't exactly what I *wanted*?!

 

:iagree: I hope I'm not a crotchety old whiner someday who sticks up my nose at a perfectly good meal because it's not what I want on a particular day. She's not being offered gruel three meals a day, she got fresh hot eggs for breakfast and is being offered a sandwich on freshly baked bread for Pete's sake. If I were in a nursing home I'd still hope I'd be grateful for that and not demand the pot roast which had better be cooked the way I like it!

[unsinkable]

Tell her that she is free to toast the bread for warm pbj, which is very yummy btw. We discovered it when all of the bread was frozen and we wanted pbj.

 

btw, you pay for a nursing home and the care you receive there, kids eat free and are still being trained to be polite adults and it is not the same as a nursing home situation.

 

I'm printing this out so I can remember it when I am reading about elder abuse in nursing homes. The abused are paying for that care. Got it.

[unsinkable]

I don't think that's fair. I wouldn't be rude to the people serving me just because they gave me a sandwich when I wanted pot roast! At least, I'd hope to goodness I wouldn't. Now if they were genuinely not serving my needs, it would be worth making a stink. But simply because one meal (out of three a day) wasn't exactly what I *wanted*?!

 

I didn't respond w/my post to the OP.

 

I responded to the person who wrote: let her go hungry for a meal and she will appreciate what you give her tomorrow

 

I never advocated being rude in any situation.

[Murphy101]

Picture yourself in a wheelchair in a nursing home in 50 years with someone doing this to you.

 

oh pu - leez.:001_rolleyes:

 

btw, you pay for a nursing home and the care you receive there, kids eat free and are still being trained to be polite adults and it is not the same as a nursing home situation.

 

yep.:iagree:

 

I don't think that's fair. I wouldn't be rude to the people serving me just because they gave me a sandwich when I wanted pot roast! At least, I'd hope to goodness I wouldn't. Now if they were genuinely not serving my needs, it would be worth making a stink. But simply because one meal (out of three a day) wasn't exactly what I *wanted*?!

 

yep.:iagree:

 

I hope I'm not a crotchety old whiner someday who sticks up my nose at a perfectly good meal because it's not what I want on a particular day. She's not being offered gruel three meals a day, she got fresh hot eggs for breakfast and is being offered a sandwich on freshly baked bread for Pete's sake. If I were in a nursing home I'd still hope I'd be grateful for that and not demand the pot roast which had better be cooked the way I like it!

 

Yep again!:iagree:

 

I'm printing this out so I can remember it when I am reading about elder abuse in nursing homes. The abused are paying for that care. Got it.

 

I didn't respond w/my post to the OP.

 

I responded to the person who wrote: let her go hungry for a meal and she will appreciate what you give her tomorrow

 

I never advocated being rude in any situation.

 

Um, yeah you did.

She can eat what is provided or she can go hungry. Her choice.

And yes, it's rude to comment and gripe without good cause about the meal one is provided by another.

Letting her choose to miss a decent meal is not in any way abuse, young or old.

[Linda...inOwasso]

I'm with Tammy.... Let them eat cake! No, wait a minute... that would be a reward. :) The rule in our house:

 

You DON'T have to eat it. However, I don't run a cafeteria therefore you have 3 choices:

 

1) Eat what I prepare

2) Prepare something for yourself

3) Go without

 

The nursing home argument sounds a little illogical to me.

[unsinkable]

oh pu - leez.:001_rolleyes:

 

 

 

yep.:iagree:

 

 

 

yep.:iagree:

 

 

 

Yep again!:iagree:

 

 

 

Um, yeah you did.

She can eat what is provided or she can go hungry. Her choice.

And yes, it's rude to comment and gripe without good cause about the meal one is provided by another.

Letting her choose to miss a decent meal is not in any way abuse, young or old.

 

 

Show me where I advocated being rude.

[Pamela H in Texas]

The nursing home argument sounds a little illogical to me.

 

It works better if you're an elderly person completely dependent on your adult children and they get upset when you have an attitude about what they give you for lunch.

 

BTW, I personally think kids get what they are given or do without. I'd likely reply, "well, today this is what we're having. What would you prefer to make for the family for tomorrow's lunch?" Then kid can take some responsibility for the choice for tomorrow and deal today.

 

But I do think we sometimes get upset when kids have an opinion when one day it'll be our busy children or grandchildren putting up with our opinions one day.

[Jenny in Florida]

Picture yourself in a wheelchair in a nursing home in 50 years with someone doing this to you.

 

Thank you for providing some perspective.

 

Personally, I believe that whether a person is "paying for" care or not, and regardless of age, everyone deserves to be treated with respect and consideration. So, my first stop on this journey would not be to withhold food.

 

When my kids have complained about their mealtime choices, my usual response is to remind them that I am not a machine, and that I have a variety of responsibilities. I, too, am a human being who deserves to be treated with respect and consideration. So, you are free to either accept graciously what I'm providing or, if it won't make more work for me, make your own lunch.

 

But I really think I'd sit the kiddo down and discuss the issue before I tried making her go without.

Edited October 7, 2008 by Jenny in Florida

[Zelda]

It works better if you're an elderly person completely dependent on your adult children and they get upset when you have an attitude about what they give you for lunch.

 

BTW, I personally think kids get what they are given or do without. I'd likely reply, "well, today this is what we're having. What would you prefer to make for the family for tomorrow's lunch?" Then kid can take some responsibility for the choice for tomorrow and deal today.

 

But I do think we sometimes get upset when kids have an opinion when one day it'll be our busy children or grandchildren putting up with our opinions one day.

 

Not to mention that there is a huge difference between training the unformed mind and providing comfort to a mind in decline. I know of few cultures that would advocate treating children with the exact same level of deference we would pay to our elderly. Very strange.

 

The child was offered a perfectly fine meal. If she chose not to eat it then I wouldn't make her another meal. She could go without until the next meal.

[Kris]

:iagree: I hope I'm not a crotchety old whiner someday who sticks up my nose at a perfectly good meal because it's not what I want on a particular day. She's not being offered gruel three meals a day, she got fresh hot eggs for breakfast and is being offered a sandwich on freshly baked bread for Pete's sake. If I were in a nursing home I'd still hope I'd be grateful for that and not demand the pot roast which had better be cooked the way I like it!

 

I don't know -- I had a friend who told me she intended to live just long enough to be a nasty old lady and get back at everyone she had to be nice to now -- and be able to get away with it. I don't think her MIL will live that long, though. ;)

[myfunnybunch]

While I think the issues of elder abuse or neglect, and of adult relationships with our children, are interesting and worthy of discussion, I don't believe that future elder abuse is triggered by parental expectations that children either graciously eat the meals they're served or wait until the next meal to eat. As a matter of fact, I'm grateful to my mother for teaching me that particular lesson--so I won't have to learn it in 50 years when I'm rude to the staff over meals and they let me know that the kitchen can't prepare meals to order. :)

 

As for the meal issue, I don't have a problem with children stating another preference. I do have a problem with them having an unpleasant attitude about it. It's the "pi*sy" part I'd address. Probably in conversation at first, then setting some boundaries:

 

Please ask politely for what you want. If Mom is willing to make changes or add to the meal, please say "Thanks" and if Mom cannot make changes this time, please accept it politely.

 

You can eat this meal or wait until snacktime/dinner.

 

I'd love to have your help in the kitchen--what shall we make together?

 

We don't complain about our food. We don't say, "I hate that," but it is acceptable to say, "I don't care for this, can we have xyz tomorrow?"

 

(See, I still try to be nice to my kids so they put me in the nice place across town. ;) )

 

Cat

[imeverywoman]

anticipation for dinner. BTW, we're having her favorite: Shepherd's Pie. I'm handing over the mean mommy award for today. I think I've redeemed myself.

 

Thanks for listening!:grouphug:

[imeverywoman]

Thanks for the LOL!!! Made me smile. :)

[PariSarah]

Picture yourself in a wheelchair in a nursing home in 50 years with someone doing this to you.

 

. . . self would be myself in that situation. If appropriate, healthy, edible food were put before me and I chose to throw a temper tantrum rather than eat, no one is abusing anyone.

 

That's how I was reading the OP, and Tammy's response to it. Mom prepares more than adequate food, girl finds one meal not to her taste and pitches fit, mom says (or, Tammy suggests that mom says), "Oh, okay. You don't want lunch. No skin off my nose."

 

Nursing home prepares more than adequate food, resident finds one meal not to her taste and throws it across the room, nutritionist says, "Well, we certainly won't make you eat if you don't want to." What's the problem there?

[Murphy101]

Show me where I advocated being rude.

 

hmm, you don't think it's rude to disparage the food provided and insist on something else being made to order?

 

Good for you.

 

I do.

 

BTW, I personally think kids get what they are given or do without.

 

But I do think we sometimes get upset when kids have an opinion when one day it'll be our busy children or grandchildren putting up with our opinions one day.

 

Nope. They can have an opinion same as me. they cannot get food made to order. They cannot be rude to me about what I make for them. It is perfectly acceptable for them to say, "No, thank you. I'll just wait for dinner." or "No, thank you. Could we have something else for lunch tomorrow?"

 

That's what I would say in someone's home if they offerred me something I didn't want.

 

I would not say, "YUCK! I don't want that. Can't you make this instead!? Well, I'm not eating that!" pout. pout.

 

Not to mention that there is a huge difference between training the unformed mind and providing comfort to a mind in decline. I know of few cultures that would advocate treating children with the exact same level of deference we would pay to our elderly. Very strange.

 

The child was offered a perfectly fine meal. If she chose not to eat it then I wouldn't make her another meal. She could go without until the next meal.

 

:iagree:

 

If appropriate, healthy, edible food were put before me and I chose to throw a temper tantrum rather than eat, no one is abusing anyone.

 

That's how I was reading the OP, and Tammy's response to it. Mom prepares more than adequate food, girl finds one meal not to her taste and pitches fit, mom says (or, Tammy suggests that mom says), "Oh, okay. You don't want lunch. No skin off my nose."

 

Nursing home prepares more than adequate food, resident finds one meal not to her taste and throws it across the room, nutritionist says, "Well, we certainly won't make you eat if you don't want to." What's the problem there?

 

:iagree:

 

While I think the issues of elder abuse or neglect, and of adult relationships with our children, are interesting and worthy of discussion, I don't believe that future elder abuse is triggered by parental expectations that children either graciously eat the meals they're served or wait until the next meal to eat.

 

As for the meal issue, I don't have a problem with children stating another preference. I do have a problem with them having an unpleasant attitude about it. It's the "pi*sy" part I'd address.

 

:iagree:

[unsinkable]

. . . self would be myself in that situation. If appropriate, healthy, edible food were put before me and I chose to throw a temper tantrum rather than eat, no one is abusing anyone.

 

That's how I was reading the OP, and Tammy's response to it. Mom prepares more than adequate food, girl finds one meal not to her taste and pitches fit, mom says (or, Tammy suggests that mom says), "Oh, okay. You don't want lunch. No skin off my nose."

 

Nursing home prepares more than adequate food, resident finds one meal not to her taste and throws it across the room, nutritionist says, "Well, we certainly won't make you eat if you don't want to." What's the problem there?

 

I was responding to Tammy, not the OP.

 

Honestly...let her go hungry for a meal and she will appreciate what you give her tomorrow.

 

To me, this can mean 2 things:

1. Let her go hungry by not letting her eat lunch (withholding lunch.)

or

2. Let her go hungry by letting her choose not to eat lunch.

 

I think #1 is wrong. I don't think you use food in that manner.

 

I think #2 can be right or wrong, depending on the circumstances.

 

I never advocated throwing food, being disrespectful, pitching fits...at any age. All that was added by other posters.

[stephanie]

She wants food. Hot food. Like a cooked meal. What the heck? I made eggs,etc for breakfast not two hours ago. I have freshly baked bread for PJB's. And fresh baked banana bread, to boot.

 

WHAT IS WRONG WITH THIS KID?????

 

 

Thank you for letting me vent. Slap me if you feel it necessary.

 

I'm **** ******* and I approve this message.

 

I know exactly what you mean. My dc act like it torture to eat a sandwich for lunch. If they do they want it toasted, cheese melted, and meat hot! What's up with that? Whatever happened to cold sandwiches?

[unsinkable]

hmm, you don't think it's rude to disparage the food provided and insist on something else being made to order?

 

Good for you.

 

I do.

 

 

 

Nope. They can have an opinion same as me. they cannot get food made to order. They cannot be rude to me about what I make for them. It is perfectly acceptable for them to say, "No, thank you. I'll just wait for dinner." or "No, thank you. Could we have something else for lunch tomorrow?"

 

That's what I would say in someone's home if they offerred me something I didn't want.

 

I would not say, "YUCK! I don't want that. Can't you make this instead!? Well, I'm not eating that!" pout. pout.

 

 

 

:iagree:

 

 

 

:iagree:

 

 

:iagree:

 

Martha:

 

Where did I write that it I thought it was OK to disparage the food provided and insist on something made to order? Where?

 

Here are my posts:

 

Picture yourself in a wheelchair in a nursing home in 50 years with someone doing this to you.

Today 12:02 PM

 

I'm printing this out so I can remember it when I am reading about elder abuse in nursing homes. The abused are paying for that care. Got it.

 

I didn't respond w/my post to the OP.

 

I responded to the person who wrote: let her go hungry for a meal and she will appreciate what you give her tomorrow

 

I never advocated being rude in any situation.

Today 01:12 PM

 

 

Then you posted saying that I was advocating being rude. In which of those posts did I advocate being rude?

[PariSarah]

I never advocated throwing food, being disrespectful, pitching fits...at any age. All that was added by other posters.

 

No, I know you weren't saying that!!

 

This can mean 2 things:

1. Let her go hungry by not letting her eat lunch (withholding lunch.)

or

2. Let her go hungry by letting her choose not to eat lunch.

 

I think #1 is wrong. I don't think you use food in that manner.

I think #2 can be right or wrong, depending on the circumstances.

 

I was assuming Tammy meant #2, and showing why I didn't think it was a problem for nursing home residents any more than for kids. It's an interesting comparison, because the recipient in both cases has an uncertain mixture of vulnerability and power. But since caretaking and parenting are different activities (with different goals and means appropriate to those goals), it's not an entirely perfect comparison.

 

The only circumstances I can imagine #2 being wrong is when you know someone is deliberately trying to starve herself, or when you are making it almost impossible for the someone to choose to eat (by, say, constantly preparing inedible or culturally inappropriate food). Even in medical situations, forced nutrition is a tricky issue.

[unsinkable]

No, I know you weren't saying that!!

 

 

 

I was assuming Tammy meant #2, and showing why I didn't think it was a problem for nursing home residents any more than for kids. It's an interesting comparison, because the recipient in both cases has an uncertain mixture of vulnerability and power. But since caretaking and parenting are different activities (with different goals and means appropriate to those goals), it's not an entirely perfect comparison.

 

The only circumstances I can imagine #2 being wrong is when you know someone is deliberately trying to starve herself, or when you are making it almost impossible for the someone to choose to eat (by, say, constantly preparing inedible or culturally inappropriate food). Even in medical situations, forced nutrition is a tricky issue.

 

You are such a better communicator than I am. Thank you.

 

I guess I just want parents to think about how they would feel if they were treated like they treat their children. It wasn't a perfect comparison.

 

Can't we (people in general) find another way to teach appreciation for food/meals without withholding the food/meals?

[Plucky]

How old is she? My kids make their own lunches and they know what they have to choose from. It's really nice. :)

[PariSarah]

Can't we (people in general) find another way to teach appreciation for food/meals without withholding the food/meals?

 

I've been really wondering about this lately. It seems as if having gone without is the common denominator among people who are genuinely grateful for what they have. Maybe having grown up poor, or having lived through the Depression, or going through a bad period when you were first married, or still actually being poor, or whatever. Living on beans and rice for awhile makes that pineapple taste so much sweeter.

 

But what if you don't ever have to go without? How do you get that same feeling when you are as rich as we (Americans) are (comparatively speaking)? It does seem kind of cruel to manufacture experiences of "going without" just so that someone will learn to be grateful. I think you're right about that. And fake--I mean, I could eat nothing but rice for a month, just to see how it would feel. But I would always know it was my choice, and ribeye and roquefort and peanut M&Ms were just a grocery trip away. (This is one thing I hated about Barbara Ehrenreich's book Nickle and Dimed.)

 

So I'm not sure how well it works to do it that way. But I'm still left not knowing how to mold a grateful heart--my own, that is, not just my children's. I know that I'd feel comfortable, if my kid's response were just over-the-top, removing whatever kindness they had just rejected or insulted. But I don't know how important those rare (hopefully rare!) occurrences really are.

 

Definitely worth ruminating over . . .

[Murphy101]

I've been really wondering about this lately. It seems as if having gone without is the common denominator among people who are genuinely grateful for what they have. Maybe having grown up poor, or having lived through the Depression, or going through a bad period when you were first married, or still actually being poor, or whatever. Living on beans and rice for awhile makes that pineapple taste so much sweeter.

 

But what if you don't ever have to go without? How do you get that same feeling when you are as rich as we (Americans) are (comparatively speaking)? It does seem kind of cruel to manufacture experiences of "going without" just so that someone will learn to be grateful.

 

Well I would tend to agree as someone who grew up missing more than one meal and not by choice.

 

To me it's not just about gratitude for what we have.

The line between gratitude and resentment is very fine.

 

I also think it's about teaching respect and consideration and modifying expectations.

I don't want my kids to expect that I'll custom order every meal to suit them. I want them to respect the efforts I put into running this home, even if they don't always agree with how I do it. I want them to be aware of how others are working for them, not expecting that that is just the way the world revolves around them.

 

Now, I'm not saying anyone here has such children.

But sadly, there's plenty of them out there. And plenty of adults too.

 

And fake--I mean, I could eat nothing but rice for a month, just to see how it would feel. But I would always know it was my choice, and ribeye and roquefort and peanut M&Ms were just a grocery trip away. (This is one thing I hated about Barbara Ehrenreich's book Nickle and Dimed.)

 

Agreed. I wouldn't make my child miss a meal just so they know what it's like to miss a meal. That's silly and pointless and I would think would lend towards building resentment.

 

but that's far removed from letting a child know that:

 

a. mom is not their cafeteria employee

b. that we don't always get what we want, even when well off and well loved

c. that respect should be shown even when in disagreement or disappointment, esp for those who are offerring their efforts for little to no return for their efforts

 

And to be fair, I do have my older children make breakfast and lunch most days and insist that everyone give them the same curtesy. If they don't like what is offerred - fine. But there will be no toloration of disparaging comments about the food or its preparation or the person making it. Period. One may simply say, "No, thank you." or take a bite or two, ask to be excused, and move on. Later they might say they really don't care for blank food and that's fine. No one likes every food. But someone prepared them a meal, however simple it might have been, and out of respect and consideration for that person, they can use their manners or leave the table.

[Jackie in NE]

I haven't read all the posts.... and granted, it's late afternoon and I've had a full day and still have "miles to go before I sleep",

 

BUT......

 

A kid that's "pi*sy" about the meal being served?

 

Zero tolerance here.

 

Nip that 'tude right in the bud! Respect is in order and must be chosen. Scrambling to find what dd wants instead is just an exercise in futility.

 

How do I know this?

 

BTDT.

 

Sheesh!

 

And now I'd best go get some coffee......

[keptwoman]

In my house if you are rude about the food it's removed from in front of you.

I don't mind if you choose not to eat it, or politely ask for an alternative (which for lunch is OK but not for dinner) but saying "oh yuck" or similar of food that I have taken time to prepare for you is not an attitude I accept.

 

I think the nursing home comparision is crazy. I worked in one for many years serving the meals and while some residents were rude I would never remove their food from in front of them. Teaching our children to be polite and respectful members of society is quite something else from respecting the elderly. And if I am being cared for by my child who has take the time to prepare a meal for me, I would think she would be within her right to remove the food I was rude about, unless I was mentally impared with dementia or similar.

[myfunnybunch]

Can't we (people in general) find another way to teach appreciation for food/meals without withholding the food/meals?

 

I agree with this as a general principle.

 

However, the meal was prepared and served.

 

The child was ungracious.

 

Saying, "Okey-dokey, you don't have to eat it" isn't withholding food. The food is still there. It's pb&j (in this instance), not fish eyeballs. The child hasn't been given a choice between something completely unpalatable and nothing.

 

We're all filtering these one line responses through our own much fuller experiences and philosophies--to me, it is perfectly appropriate for a parent to say to a child that they can choose to eat the healthy meal already prepared or wait until the next one. Offering a choice to eat one meal or not is not the same as saying, "Fine, then, you can't eat until you're appreciative."

 

Unsinkable, I wonder (and I am typing this genuinely and un-snarkily, if you'll excuse my made-up word) what would you do in this kind of situation?

 

Cat

[unsinkable]

I agree with this as a general principle.

 

However, the meal was prepared and served.

 

The child was ungracious.

 

Saying, "Okey-dokey, you don't have to eat it" isn't withholding food. The food is still there. It's pb&j (in this instance), not fish eyeballs. The child hasn't been given a choice between something completely unpalatable and nothing.

 

We're all filtering these one line responses through our own much fuller experiences and philosophies--to me, it is perfectly appropriate for a parent to say to a child that they can choose to eat the healthy meal already prepared or wait until the next one. Offering a choice to eat one meal or not is not the same as saying, "Fine, then, you can't eat until you're appreciative."

 

Unsinkable, I wonder (and I am typing this genuinely and un-snarkily, if you'll excuse my made-up word) what would you do in this kind of situation?

 

Cat

 

If, at my house, a child got p*ssy (OP's word) with me about lunch I'd tell him to speak to me in respectful manner and tell me why he is so upset that he is acting p*ssy. If he didn't want what we were eating, he'd could make himself something else.

 

Here's my filter:

 

My parents tried everything they could think of to force me to eat. From bribery to punishment, from withholding food to forcing me to eat, from forbidding me to talk at the dinner table to making me eat meals by myself. I can't remember a week of my childhood when I didn't throw up at least once after gagging down a meal. It was mostly red meat that I couldn't tolerate and I went to bed hungry often. Because one other thing they tried was that I didn't get any food until I ate my meat.

[TammyinTN]

If, at my house, a child got p*ssy (OP's word) with me about lunch I'd tell him to speak to me in respectful manner and tell me why he is so upset that he is acting p*ssy. If he didn't want what we were eating, he'd could make himself something else.

 

Here's my filter:

 

My parents tried everything they could think of to force me to eat. From bribery to punishment, from withholding food to forcing me to eat, from forbidding me to talk at the dinner table to making me eat meals by myself. I can't remember a week of my childhood when I didn't throw up at least once after gagging down a meal. It was mostly red meat that I couldn't tolerate and I went to bed hungry often. Because one other thing they tried was that I didn't get any food until I ate my meat.

 

Dear Unsinkable...

I knew there had to be a reason you were taking this so seriously. I completely understand your being upset about this now. My intentions were not to be mean..it was all about the attitude and having respect for the person who prepared a meal for you. I completely understand the fact that withholding food is cruel but she was offered something she liked but just didn't want it because it wasn't hot. There seems to be a big difference in that to me than just withholding food.

I'm sorry that my post struck such a nerve with you...but I completely understand your point of view as well...it's all about life experiences. :grouphug:

[Karen sn]

Honestly...let her go hungry for a meal and she will appreciate what you give her tomorrow.

 

AMEN! I absolutely can't believe how many parents are servants to their kids. (Not saying this poster is - just had an incident this morning with my friend whose kids treat her like a paid servant).

 

When she was little, I always told dd that she didn't have to eat what I made. She could wait to eat at the next meal. Kids don't starve. It's the same crap when someone says, "All my kid eats is pizza, chicken nuggets, and french fries, he's just a picky eater." I wonder if these people have ever even served real food to their kids! Kids eat what we feed them! The only kids who would starve are those with special issues - most kids do not have those special issues, they are just too pampered and over catered to!

 

I personally feel we should be grateful for every meal (maybe I starved in a past life) and I will tell ya what....my dd will eat what I make. AND because she is a good eater in general, on the RARE day that she just isn't in the mood for what I made, she can eat all the side dishes and make herself a sandwhich if that's not enough. But that is RARE.

[Karen sn]

Picture yourself in a wheelchair in a nursing home in 50 years with someone doing this to you.

 

Not quite the same thing.

Posters dd is NOT an invalid. She is complaining because aparently she doesn't like fresh baked bread!

[unsinkable]

Dear Unsinkable...

I knew there had to be a reason you were taking this so seriously. I completely understand your being upset about this now. My intentions were not to be mean..it was all about the attitude and having respect for the person who prepared a meal for you. I completely understand the fact that withholding food is cruel but she was offered something she liked but just didn't want it because it wasn't hot. There seems to be a big difference in that to me than just withholding food.

I'm sorry that my post struck such a nerve with you...but I completely understand your point of view as well...it's all about life experiences. :grouphug:

This is such a nice post. Thank you.

 

As an adult, I know my dad had a filter, too. He grew up in the Depression...and to him, a skinny child looked like he wasn't a good provider. And I was one of those bony kids; I looked like you could snap my legs over your knee. My dad didn't know what to do with me.

 

And so it goes...He died when I was 16 and my mom never cooked another "family meal." So I have a feeling she didn't like all the things my dad did to get me to eat. I think she just went along with it.

[JFSinIL]

We always got our own sandwiches etc. as kids - then one day we came in from playing and mom had made baked chicken legs and mashed taters and corn....none of us wanted to eat it - we wanted our sandwiches!

 

To this day I do not know what came over Mom to cause her to actually prepare a hot meal for lunch!!!!

[Melinda in VT]

I've been really wondering about this lately. It seems as if having gone without is the common denominator among people who are genuinely grateful for what they have. Maybe having grown up poor, or having lived through the Depression, or going through a bad period when you were first married, or still actually being poor, or whatever. Living on beans and rice for awhile makes that pineapple taste so much sweeter.

 

But what if you don't ever have to go without? How do you get that same feeling when you are as rich as we (Americans) are (comparatively speaking)? It does seem kind of cruel to manufacture experiences of "going without" just so that someone will learn to be grateful. I think you're right about that. And fake--I mean, I could eat nothing but rice for a month, just to see how it would feel. But I would always know it was my choice, and ribeye and roquefort and peanut M&Ms were just a grocery trip away. (This is one thing I hated about Barbara Ehrenreich's book Nickle and Dimed.)

 

So I'm not sure how well it works to do it that way. But I'm still left not knowing how to mold a grateful heart--my own, that is, not just my children's. I know that I'd feel comfortable, if my kid's response were just over-the-top, removing whatever kindness they had just rejected or insulted. But I don't know how important those rare (hopefully rare!) occurrences really are.

 

Definitely worth ruminating over . . .

 

I've been thinking about this lately also. I realized in church on Sunday that I want wandering-in-the-wilderness experiences (cloud by day, pillar by night, manna, etc.) while resting cozy in the Promised Land. Not sure it works that way.