Mom2Five Posted February 23, 2016 Share Posted February 23, 2016 I swear my dd9 and ds8 drive me batty whenever we sit down to have a meal. It is mostly ds8, since that is his personality. He is the "class clown" of our homeschool. Dd9 would probably behave appropriately, but she goes along with him. There is not a moment of peace. It is not constant talking, or even excited talking, or any talking at all really. It is mostly laughing, noise making, parts of sentences that I can't even make out. It is ridiculous. I know no one else would allow that behavior at the table. At least, I think no one else would. I guess I made this post wondering that. I have talked to them about having what I call intelligent conversation and that if they are going to talk they need to have something to talk about. I am vastly outnumbered as I am mostly here by myself at dinner time. This has to end asap, right? :cursing: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
saraha Posted February 23, 2016 Share Posted February 23, 2016 No advice,but I feel for you, by the end of the day, the last thing I want to do is sit down at the dinner table with my kids. Their silliness gets on my last nerve, and if I put a lid on it, they sit there all mad at me and then pout or whatever. I make myself sit there, but I am usually the first finished and off to something else. Good luck Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zoobie Posted February 23, 2016 Share Posted February 23, 2016 Yep, be quiet or engage in conversation for the whole table. It's sometimes a struggle for my ADHD kids, but I keep (metaphorically) poking them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zoobie Posted February 23, 2016 Share Posted February 23, 2016 I haven't tried these, but they get great reviews (several different companies have versions): http://www.amazon.com/Melissa-Doug-Family-Dinner-Questions/dp/B004XAF9G8/ 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pink and Green Mom Posted February 23, 2016 Share Posted February 23, 2016 When my kids were younger, we had a squeaky toy pig. It sat in the middle of the table. Whenever someone did something "piggish" or had bad manners or inappropriate dinner table shenanigans, they got the pig. Whoever was left holding the pig at the end of dinner had to clean up. It worked. I cannot remember for the life of me where I heard this. Had to be either here or Pinterest. 23 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted February 23, 2016 Share Posted February 23, 2016 I would not be okay with that. It's not that we have to bePractically Perfect in Every Way, but no, I would not put up with cut-up behaviour at dinner. I'm not sure what I would do at this point because I shaped that behaviour in my kids from the time they could sit in a high chair on. I used a lot of behavioural conditioning (that people on the gentle discipline forum were constantly saying was food manipulation and was cruel, but it wasn't to me and it totally worked ;)) We have those eat-and-learn types of placemats at the table and I wonder if that could be a tool towards intelligent and fun conversations at your house. In any case, I would say you will have to drastically interrupt the cut-up behaviour in order for it to change. Do your kids have duties surrounding dinner such as setting the table and clean-up afterwards? If not, that would be the very first thing I would immediately implement. It gets them in a frame of mind that an event is about to begin. Also, I hope they are not grazing and snacking because cutting up happens more if people are not hungry or especially interested in eating. So, my post seems a little jumbled, I think, lol, but here's my summary: 1. Give them specific jobs, starting with setting the table. 2. Tell them eye-to-eye that dinner is not going to be slapstick hilarity anymore, and that something drastic will happen the moment someone devolves into hilarity. (I would end their meal, personally. You might have a better idea.) 3. Give them a replacement behaviour so devolving is less likely to happen, i.e., "we're going to learn the state capitals every night." 4. Do not allow snacking or sugary drinks in the couple hours before dinner. Hungry people don't act stupid at meals; they eat. Good luck to you. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DesertBlossom Posted February 23, 2016 Share Posted February 23, 2016 I am so gonna do the pig thing! I get so frustrated with the silliness. And I hate getting mad at my kids for being goofy or silly but sometimes they just won't knock it off until I get mad. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
texasmama Posted February 23, 2016 Share Posted February 23, 2016 (edited) I mostly let the kids eat by themselves. I think the need for family dinners is for people who are not with their kids up close and personal all day every day like we are. Oddly, there seems to be limited shenanigans. ETA: Dh and I eat at odd times and not always what the kids eat, to clarify. So we are not eating at one table and have banished the kids to another, for the concerned. Edited February 24, 2016 by texasmama 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted February 24, 2016 Share Posted February 24, 2016 (edited) This is genius.It's good, but I'm not a big fan of clean up being a "punishment." I want participating in clean up to be a normal part of every participant's enjoyment of the meal. What if DS9 keeps getting the pig every night? What if he gets the pig two minutes into dinner and then there is no further deterrant from acting like a fool for the rest of the meal? ETA: I meant DS8 from the OP, whom the OP indicated was the main culprit. Edited February 24, 2016 by Quill 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DesertBlossom Posted February 24, 2016 Share Posted February 24, 2016 (edited) It's good, but I'm not a big fan of clean up being a "punishment." I want participating in clean up to be a normal part of every participant's enjoyment of the meal. What if DS9 keeps getting the pig every night? What if he gets the pig two minutes into dinner and then there is no further deterrant from acting like a fool for the rest of the meal? ETA: I meant DS8 from the OP, whom the OP indicated was the main culprit. We do "dinner chores" where we divide and conquer. It's hard enough getting them to do that. If they had to do all the clean up my kids would rebel entirely. And they are young enough it really would be too much for any of them. But I was thinking maybe 1 extra chore. So, their regular chore plus taking out the garbage or something like that. I am going to have to think on this. Edited February 24, 2016 by DesertBlossom 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mom2Five Posted February 24, 2016 Author Share Posted February 24, 2016 When my kids were younger, we had a squeaky toy pig. It sat in the middle of the table. Whenever someone did something "piggish" or had bad manners or inappropriate dinner table shenanigans, they got the pig. Whoever was left holding the pig at the end of dinner had to clean up. It worked. I cannot remember for the life of me where I heard this. Had to be either here or Pinterest. Oh, I love this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted February 24, 2016 Share Posted February 24, 2016 We do "dinner chores" where we divide and conquer. It's hard enough getting them to do that. If they had to do all the clean up my kids would rebel entirely. And they are young enough it really would be too much for any of them. But I was thinking maybe 1 extra chore. So, their regular chore plus taking out the garbage or something like that. I am going to have to think on this. That might work. When my kids were toddlers, one thing we had was a timer shaped like a cow. If a kid was dawdling too much at a meal, I would first warn, "BooBear, you need to focus on eating your food or I will have to use the Cow timer." If the warning did not help advance the meal, I did actually set the timer and would say, "Okay, BooBear. When the Cow timer rings, your dinner is over. So here we go...I'm setting it for fifteen minutes..." In actuality, this was always plenty of time to finish eating and I never had to remove a whole meal from a famished kid, but hearing the loud ticking on that ridiculous cow timer would get them busy and the dawdling always ended. My kids still remember that cow timer - it is family lore now. :) 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mom2Five Posted February 24, 2016 Author Share Posted February 24, 2016 It's good, but I'm not a big fan of clean up being a "punishment." I want participating in clean up to be a normal part of every participant's enjoyment of the meal. What if DS9 keeps getting the pig every night? What if he gets the pig two minutes into dinner and then there is no further deterrant from acting like a fool for the rest of the meal? ETA: I meant DS8 from the OP, whom the OP indicated was the main culprit. I agree with this two as in im not sure that cleaning up after 7 people would fit the crime, but it would prob get him to stop. Lol We also have our after dinner chores and usually all pitch in. My son loads the dishwasher, all the kids scrape their plates, dd9 does the floor and dd6 wipes the table. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mom2Five Posted February 24, 2016 Author Share Posted February 24, 2016 I mostly let the kids eat by themselves. I think the need for family dinners is for people who are not with their kids up close and personal all day every day like we are. Oddly, there seems to be limited shenanigans. ETA: Dh and I eat at odd times and not always what the kids eat, to clarify. So we are not eating at one table and have banished the kids to another, for the concerned. This is a good perspective to have too. I like having our dinners together, but not like this. I stress easily and I can't eat with all the noise and usually end up choking telling them to stop. We definitely spend lots of time together, lol. If I can control the mess if they eat away from the table, maybe we could just eat at the table when dh is home. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HomeAgain Posted February 24, 2016 Share Posted February 24, 2016 We did something similar to the pig, but everyone got 10 tokens (buttons, pennies, etc.) A person could catch another having bad manners and swipe a token. At the end of the meal, the person with the most chose the family activity after - dessert, a movie, a game...things from an already approved list. It was fun, and very quick to get everyone on their best behavior. :) 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JustEm Posted February 24, 2016 Share Posted February 24, 2016 My kids maybe have however they'd like at the dinner table as long as they aren't throwing food. Meals are a time to bond as a family and if that is how they want to bond I'll join them. Intellectual conversations happen at anytime during the day so I don't need it at the dinner table as well. Now they do know that at other people's houses and at restaurants we need to be more respectful of other people's expectations about table etiquette. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
UCF612 Posted February 24, 2016 Share Posted February 24, 2016 (edited) We did the pig thing as well. It worked really well for awhile. Now we break all rules of proper society and watch tv at dinner. We all sit at the table but the kids put on a show and I read or talk to my husband. I'm one of those extremely sensitive to eating sounds people so the tv drowns that out and my kids eat quietly (no shenanigans). I figure we are together all.day.long so we don't need meal time to be family bonding at this stage of life. Edited February 24, 2016 by UCF612 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miss Peregrine Posted February 24, 2016 Share Posted February 24, 2016 My kids maybe have however they'd like at the dinner table as long as they aren't throwing food. Meals are a time to bond as a family and if that is how they want to bond I'll join them. Intellectual conversations happen at anytime during the day so I don't need it at the dinner table as well. Now they do know that at other people's houses and at restaurants we need to be more respectful of other people's expectations about table etiquette. Food throwing may or may not have happened here a time or two . . . But seriously, ITA with the above. One of our favorite dinnertime happenings is one if us will just randomly start tapping our fork on our plate in a beat . One by one everyone catches on and starts tapping out their own beat on their plate, glass, table, whatever. Then you have this beautiful song going and everyone is laughing. Try it. It's awesome. We even did it last summer with our 18-month old foster. He joined in! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
historically accurate Posted February 24, 2016 Share Posted February 24, 2016 I mostly let the kids eat by themselves. I think the need for family dinners is for people who are not with their kids up close and personal all day every day like we are. Oddly, there seems to be limited shenanigans. ETA: Dh and I eat at odd times and not always what the kids eat, to clarify. So we are not eating at one table and have banished the kids to another, for the concerned. We all eat together, but I allow books at the table. Everyone sits with their respective books and eats/reads quietly. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Barb_ Posted February 24, 2016 Share Posted February 24, 2016 At the end of the day I have no sense of humor for that. No pigs, no tokens, no games. Once or twice I say, "mind your manners," but if the nonsense continues I matter of factly send the offender away from the table until we're done. If you can't exhibit enough self control to civilize yourself at the table then you will have to wait until tomorrow to try again. I work too hard to put a nice meal on the table to have my dinner ruined by children who won't behave themselves. My husband works too hard have his evening ruined by unruly behavior. Natural consequences. 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Barb_ Posted February 24, 2016 Share Posted February 24, 2016 My kids maybe have however they'd like at the dinner table as long as they aren't throwing food. Meals are a time to bond as a family and if that is how they want to bond I'll join them. Intellectual conversations happen at anytime during the day so I don't need it at the dinner table as well. Now they do know that at other people's houses and at restaurants we need to be more respectful of other people's expectations about table etiquette. Some kids can tell the difference; others can't. I have two adhd kids and one asd. Rules and expectations are important. They don't really understand, "This is ok HERE but not not THERE." If I allow a chink, suddenly it's a free for all. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aggieamy Posted February 24, 2016 Share Posted February 24, 2016 Since it sounds like it's just you and the kids at dinner could you make lunch your main meal and dinner could be a small informal meal. Your nerves and children's behavior are both probably better at noon than at six. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted February 24, 2016 Share Posted February 24, 2016 At the end of the day I have no sense of humor for that. No pigs, no tokens, no games. Once or twice I say, "mind your manners," but if the nonsense continues I matter of factly send the offender away from the table until we're done. If you can't exhibit enough self control to civilize yourself at the table then you will have to wait until tomorrow to try again. I work too hard to put a nice meal on the table to have my dinner ruined by children who won't behave themselves. My husband works too hard have his evening ruined by unruly behavior. Natural consequences. We do that here as well. Even the toddler is taught to use appropriate manners and not get too keyed up at the table. That's how spills happen. We listen to the person talking and take turns giving one another the floor. There is one warning against rude behavior and little verbal reminders for one sibling to wait if another is talking. Or not interrupt me and daddy. But why nonsense and they leave the table until they can follow the rules. I may be a dinner grinch but we have a controlled, pleasant, not overly loud table (unless I walk away for three minutes :lol: ). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anne Posted February 24, 2016 Share Posted February 24, 2016 I operated much the same as Tarryl. Too much nonsense or bad manners (age-appropriate), and the child was done at the table. We used to tell them if you behave like an animal you're going to eat in the utility room with the animals. This was always said in a joking sort of way and was meant (and received) as a funny way to warn them to mind their p's and q's. It's hard at the end of the day when it's just you and the kids!! Anne 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LucyStoner Posted February 24, 2016 Share Posted February 24, 2016 We have done a few things which seem to work for us: -Everyone has a pre and/or post dinner meal related chore. -I have a box of small quick math and word games on the table for when we are waiting on dinner or just after dinner. -some structure to the conversations- we do highs and lows every day, we pose a question, we often discuss where the food we are eating came from. -No one has to eat but no one gets to be rude about the food. -I make sure the kids aren't starving when they come to the table. Starving kids here seem to be hyper kids. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scubamama Posted February 24, 2016 Share Posted February 24, 2016 I've been there! And really frustrated, too. So, I decided that attention seekers would have to eat in the hall where no one could see them. It worked. I announced the new policy one morning and it went "live" at dinner that night. My son only had to eat inthe hall a few times. He loved to make noises and do gymnastics in his seat....Now, I just give one warning 'If you're getting up that means you are finished eating." If a child get up to "just go look at..." or " I was just stretching!" I say, great! Go look! Stretch! You are done eating and I'll see you at breakfast! I also am one that's DONE by dinner time - husband isn't here most dinners so he's not factoring in to the equation, but I know he's on board when he's here. Who wants to eat and patrol at the same time? especially after a whole day! You can do it mom! You got this! : ) 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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