Is there a formal rule for this? (Who re-connects first after a visit)

[38carrots]

Let's say you visited your teenage niece, who lives across the country from you. Let's say an email relationship is not well established, but there have been some emails back and forth--that's your only connection with your niece. After the visit and you are back home, do you email with "It was great to visit you blah blah" or it is your niece that is supposed to email you first with "Thanks for you visit, I enjoyed spending time with you blah blah."

 

Is there's some kind of an etiquette rule about it?

 

[whitestavern]

I feel if she hosted you at her place you should make first contact to thank her and say how nice it was to visit wih her.

[BlsdMama]

I think the guest should definitely take the initiative to thank the host for having them visit first. :)

[Ethel Mertz]

Given that she's a teenager and as her Aunt, I would definitely email her first. I probably would even if she wasn't a teenager. Life is too short to try to keep track of who contacts whom and when.

[Sunshine State Sue]

 Life is too short to try to keep track of who contacts whom and when.

:iagree:  I don't know why I can't like this post, so I'll just have to agree instead.

[SKL]

If you visited her, I think you should send the email because you were the guest.

 

If you are wanting to suggest doing something with her in the future, I think you should send an email because you are the adult.

 

She owes you a message if you took her out to dinner etc.

[Jean in Newcastle]

I agree with Ethel.  

[NorthwestMom]

:iagree:  I don't know why I can't like this post, so I'll just have to agree instead.

 

You can't "like" posts by Moderators, which is incredibly inconvenient, because they tend to be people I agree with!

[zoobie]

Given that she's a teenager and as her Aunt, I would definitely email her first. I probably would even if she wasn't a teenager. Life is too short to try to keep track of who contacts whom and when.

I agree. Close friends or family? Reach out to them whenever you think of them!

[38carrots]

DD's uncle, who normally whines to me about feeling out of touch with DD because he lives so far away visited us for 4 days and spent most of this time with DD. Lots of good conversations, seemingly enjoyed her company a lot. Now a month later I realized he hasn't emailed either her or me, and it occurred to me that maybe he was being really formal and waiting for her to write first? DD should've emailed, I guess, but she had 3 super busy weeks + she was sick, so I think it slipped her mind.

 

[ChocolateReignRemix]

Given that she's a teenager and as her Aunt, I would definitely email her first. I probably would even if she wasn't a teenager. Life is too short to try to keep track of who contacts whom and when.

This and only this.

[idnib]

In my SE Asian culture it would be appropriate for the younger to get in touch with the elder. If they're not of that cultural mindset, the aunt can get in touch with the niece first, even though it goes against every fiber of my upbringing to say that!  :laugh:

[Annie G]

The person who did the visiting should send what's called a bread and butter letter.  My folks and inlaws always sent them.  They must have been taught in school- they were always the same!

[Word Nerd]

You felt prompted to write her an email, so I think you should. I can't fathom how sending a kind note could possibly be considered poor manners.

[KungFuPanda]

It has been my experience that the person who is older and/or female takes charge of the situation.

[marbel]

DD's uncle, who normally whines to me about feeling out of touch with DD because he lives so far away visited us for 4 days and spent most of this time with DD. Lots of good conversations, seemingly enjoyed her company a lot. Now a month later I realized he hasn't emailed either her or me, and it occurred to me that maybe he was being really formal and waiting for her to write first? DD should've emailed, I guess, but she had 3 super busy weeks + she was sick, so I think it slipped her mind.

 

Given your update, I would say Uncle should have gotten in touch with you first to thank you for having him stay with you. It's possible he believes the younger person should get in touch with the older, though, so he could be waiting to hear from her.  

 

But, your daughter could just send him a note now thanking him for visiting and telling him what she's been up to that's kept her so busy these past 3 weeks.   That would open up the lines of communication, if your daughter wants them to be open.

 

 

 

[marbel]

NM, sorry for duplicate post.
 

 

[Jean in Newcastle]

Given your update, I would say Uncle should have gotten in touch with you first to thank you for having him stay with you. It's possible he believes the younger person should get in touch with the older, though, so he could be waiting to hear from her.  

 

But, your daughter could just send him a note now thanking him for visiting and telling him what she's been up to that's kept her so busy these past 3 weeks.   That would open up the lines of communication, if your daughter wants them to be open.

I agree. And I would not base your interaction with your niece on this other interaction between your dd and her uncle.  

[Ellie]

Let's say you visited your teenage niece, who lives across the country from you. Let's say an email relationship is not well established, but there have been some emails back and forth--that's your only connection with your niece. After the visit and you are back home, do you email with "It was great to visit you blah blah" or it is your niece that is supposed to email you first with "Thanks for you visit, I enjoyed spending time with you blah blah."

 

Is there's some kind of an etiquette rule about it?

 

The etiquette rule is that the guest should send the hostess a thank-you. A handwritten note would be better than an e-mail, though.

 

 

[zoobie]

DD's uncle, who normally whines to me about feeling out of touch with DD because he lives so far away visited us for 4 days and spent most of this time with DD. Lots of good conversations, seemingly enjoyed her company a lot. Now a month later I realized he hasn't emailed either her or me, and it occurred to me that maybe he was being really formal and waiting for her to write first? DD should've emailed, I guess, but she had 3 super busy weeks + she was sick, so I think it slipped her mind.

Is this the guy who was shooting up red flag flares with his behavior re: DD and you wanted to establish strong boundaries?

 

I wouldn't expect an adult who visited my family to write a thank you note (essentially) to one of my children for spending time with him or vice versa.

 

If it is the same guy, I'd guess it's part of his usual cat and mouse games and wouldn't engage, but...

[RioSamba]

I bemoan the loss of formality as much as the next middle aged lady, but when you want to nurture or renew a relationship you cannot stand on ceremony. Make the call, mail the letter, send the email, without regard to who should "go first."