angelica Posted October 23, 2015 Share Posted October 23, 2015 Another thread got me thinking about names. We can name our kids what we want and sometimes the names are not easy to pronounce or spell. I grew up always having to correct people on both spelling and pronunciation. Naturally, I learned to respond to two different names. One teacher would call me rachel, when it's really pronounced rawshell, and i'd correct them, and sometimes they still didn't get it. So at school I had two different names, depending on whatever teacher I had. I felt like there was nothing I could do, besides keep correcting people, and that became annoying. I've learned that if I want my name spelled and said correctly, to just go by my middle name, because everyone knows how to spell and pronounce angelica. When I expressed a desire to change my name legally, my family thought it was a phase and that I was just being weird. Then a certain public person went through a gender and name change. I thought to myself, 'you have to be kidding me"! Everyone in my circle finds that fascinating, and if I bring up my name change, they say "that is different". A simple young woman, with two kids wanting to change her name at 30, that is just banana talk!? But a man becoming a woman and changing his name is normal? I guess really, both are not normal, but a name is such a big part of who we are. I don't expect my family to just embrace a new name, and call me whatever I decide my new name should be. Just hearing my name said aloud sometimes is like nails on a chalkboard though.. Have any of you actually gone through with a legal name change, as in first not last? 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maize Posted October 23, 2015 Share Posted October 23, 2015 No experience, but I love the name Rachelle ;) The legal process to change a name probably depends on the state, but you can choose any name you want to go by without making it legal. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Butter Posted October 23, 2015 Share Posted October 23, 2015 My cousin officially changed her name to add an extra middle name (added her mother's maiden name as her second middle name). It was actually quite an easy process (in MD at least). She went and filled out a form, paid the fee, and they changed her name. She could've changed any part of her name for the same fee and process. ETA: She was informed at the time she changed her name that any time she fills out a form that asks for other names used (general background investigation type things) she much include her name as it was before the change. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted October 23, 2015 Share Posted October 23, 2015 I wanted to and almost did, but by the time I legally could I decided it was too much trouble and I couldn't think of a name that fit well. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Minerva Posted October 23, 2015 Share Posted October 23, 2015 Change your name! Life is short and certainly the people you love can adapt to a name that makes you happy. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tanaqui Posted October 23, 2015 Share Posted October 23, 2015 If you want to change your name, go ahead and do it. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Greta Posted October 23, 2015 Share Posted October 23, 2015 I have always disliked my name and wished for another one (though I must admit, not always the same one!). I've always felt like it didn't "fit", like it's not really my own. I wish that I had gone ahead and changed it years ago, when I first thought about it. But I didn't, because everyone discouraged me, and now I feel like it's too late. So, since not one single person encouraged me, I'm going to encourage you! Go for it! For something as deeply personal as one's name, I don't see why any of us should be stuck for life with something we don't like. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lanny Posted October 23, 2015 Share Posted October 23, 2015 Yes, I had my first name legally changed, to Lanny, which was my Nickname. I hired an Attorney to do that. It was in Texas and I think the Judge asked me one question. Something like "Why do you want to change your name?" and I replied "Because that's what everyone calls me, that's how I sign my checks and that is how I signed my Drivers License". I believe that was in 1988. In addition to the LASIK surgeries I had in 1997, that was some of the best money I have ever spent. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lawyer&Mom Posted October 23, 2015 Share Posted October 23, 2015 I've didn't change my first name, but I've been through the whole legal name change process. It's really not a big deal. Some paperwork and hoops to jump through, totally doable. And my judge didn't ask any questions, and there were some pretty wild name changes during my session. If you want to do it, do it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Slache Posted October 23, 2015 Share Posted October 23, 2015 I just wanted to add that my name is Rachel and I got called Rachelle all the time growing up. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SparklyUnicorn Posted October 23, 2015 Share Posted October 23, 2015 FWIW, I was happy to have a last name when I got married that I assumed people wouldn't do a hack job on. They do a hack job on it. People just have a tough time with names. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tanaqui Posted October 23, 2015 Share Posted October 23, 2015 It's never too late to change your name, Greta! Change it! Change it! 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AimeeM Posted October 23, 2015 Share Posted October 23, 2015 Not mine, but we changed the spelling of DD's first name when the adoption was finalized. Nobody pronounced it correctly, or spelled it correctly, so we changed it to the "normal" spelling. I'd love to change my first name. Not a fan of "Aimee"... but I do like my middle name. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Greta Posted October 23, 2015 Share Posted October 23, 2015 It's never too late to change your name, Greta! Change it! Change it! Aw, thanks for being the first person to EVER say anything remotely positive or encouraging about the idea! You made my day. :D But alas, I think after more than 20 years together, my husband would be slightly resistant to the idea of calling me by a new name. :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SporkUK Posted October 23, 2015 Share Posted October 23, 2015 While I do not understand why taking a dig at trans people is needed in the consideration of this, I legally changed my entire name (and got far less grief for it than most of my trans friends on the issue). Having a name that really fit me was amazing -- though my current name is mispronounced and misspelled far more than the one my parents gave me. I do not think it is ever too late to consider our identity and how we see ourselves and want the world to see us. If having an easier name would fit you better, go for it. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Suzanne in ABQ Posted October 23, 2015 Share Posted October 23, 2015 My sister-in-law changed her name in her early 20s, before I met her. The name she chose is SO her! I love it. When I learned her given name, I just couldn't wrap my brain around it. It doesn't fit at all. Her sisters call her by her old initials (probably because they always called her that when she hated her name growing up). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RKWAcademy Posted October 23, 2015 Share Posted October 23, 2015 I've always wanted to remove my first name, since I've always been called by my middle name/nickname for middle name. I never got around to it, and I secretly didn't want to hurt my mother (or sister who supposedly is the one that picked that name - at age 3)! But I do cringe every time it's used, which is only at the doctor and for official paperwork. I do like my middle name, although I'm not a huge fan of the nickname. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
angelica Posted October 23, 2015 Author Share Posted October 23, 2015 Aw, thanks for being the first person to EVER say anything remotely positive or encouraging about the idea! You made my day. :D But alas, I think after more than 20 years together, my husband would be slightly resistant to the idea of calling me by a new name. :lol: You might be shocked. Mine is actually more on board with it than my family and he is helping with the name process, as though we were going to be naming a child, lol. We've known each other for half our lives, and he still calls me by the wrong name lol, cuz I never corrected him and now it's just kind of funny, but not. Now in general he just calls me "honey". I must admit though, it does get weird when he tells people my name, and then when introduce myself I say it the real way. We've definitely confused quite a few people...and for a while a couple of his new friends thought maybe he had multiple ladies. I'm starting to think maybe from now on I'll just say, "hi, nice to meet you, my name is mommy, what's your name?'' While I do not understand why taking a dig at trans people is needed in the consideration of this, I legally changed my entire name (and got far less grief for it than most of my trans friends on the issue). Having a name that really fit me was amazing -- though my current name is mispronounced and misspelled far more than the one my parents gave me. I do not think it is ever too late to consider our identity and how we see ourselves and want the world to see us. If having an easier name would fit you better, go for it. Not making a dig at trans, I have nothing but empathy. However, when I was talking about changing my name and my reasonings, I felt as though nobody understood where I was coming from. Basically it came down to just "get over it, you are who you are and people will always mess up but whatever". Then when that news came out, it was like, "oh well that's cool...and weird..but right on, I wish I had the balls to do that!". I always thought it would be very empowering to do a full name and simply just become who want to be, name, image and all. And since I still have not taken my husbands last name legally, i'm excited to hammer this change out. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SparklyUnicorn Posted October 23, 2015 Share Posted October 23, 2015 You might be shocked. Mine is actually more on board with it than my family and he is helping with the name process, as though we were going to be naming a child, lol. We've known each other for half our lives, and he still calls me by the wrong name lol, cuz I never corrected him and now it's just kind of funny, but not. Now in general he just calls me "honey". I must admit though, it does get weird when he tells people my name, and then when introduce myself I say it the real way. We've definitely confused quite a few people...and for a while a couple of his new friends thought maybe he had multiple ladies. I'm starting to think maybe from now on I'll just say, "hi, nice to meet you, my name is mommy, what's your name?'' Not making a dig at trans, I have nothing but empathy. However, when I was talking about changing my name and my reasonings, I felt as though nobody understood where I was coming from. Basically it came down to just "get over it, you are who you are and people will always mess up but whatever". Then when that news came out, it was like, "oh well that's cool...and weird..but right on, I wish I had the balls to do that!". I always thought it would be very empowering to do a full name and simply just become who want to be, name, image and all. And since I still have not taken my husbands last name legally, i'm excited to hammer this change out. Oh no, I don't feel that way. Hopefully I didn't come off that way. I think you should do it if you want to do it for whatever reasons you want. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ScoutTN Posted October 23, 2015 Share Posted October 23, 2015 I dropped my first name when I got married. Needed a court order to do that! I always liked my name, but I have always gone by what was my middle name and I didn't want to have four names. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
angelica Posted October 23, 2015 Author Share Posted October 23, 2015 As it stands I have 4 names..first middle and two last names. So technically something has to give eventually? I'm not going to spend the rest of my life with this name, I know this much now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jenny in Florida Posted October 23, 2015 Share Posted October 23, 2015 I did. I made my nick-name my legal first name, because I had never felt like by given name really "fit." I changed it at the same time I was already doing the paperwork to change my last name. I got rid of a middle name I had never liked, too. It wasn't a big deal. I had to fill out paperwork and pay a small filing fee. A couple of weeks later, I met with a judge who asked me why I wanted to change it (basically making sure it wasn't for some underhanded purpose) and then signed the papers. I'm really happy I did it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Greta Posted October 24, 2015 Share Posted October 24, 2015 Oh, that's funny about your own husband mispronouncing your name! Oh my. :lol: My husband likes my name, though (don't ask me why!) so I think he'd be less supportive of me changing it. I've mentioned to him before that I always felt like I should have had an M name instead of a G name, and he clearly thought I was being very weird. But once when I was in one of my very weird moods, I asked my daughter if she didn't know me and was meeting me for the first time, what name would she think suited me. And she chose an M name! :lol: So, see, I really WAS supposed to have an M name, but my parents goofed. (And for what it's worth, I didn't think you were making a dig at trans people.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Danestress Posted October 24, 2015 Share Posted October 24, 2015 I haven't but I have helped others do so. It's not difficult or expensive. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
momofkhm Posted October 24, 2015 Share Posted October 24, 2015 The lady down the street changed her name. I don't even remember the old name now. Except it started with a K and a lot of people mistake it for an Indian man's name. I think it's the name of a Hindu god. Her mother had heard it, didn't know the background and used it. Her new name still starts with a K. I don't know about the process but it went over well with others. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tanaqui Posted October 24, 2015 Share Posted October 24, 2015 I've always wanted to remove my first name, since I've always been called by my middle name/nickname for middle name. I never got around to it, and I secretly didn't want to hurt my mother (or sister who supposedly is the one that picked that name - at age 3)! But I do cringe every time it's used, which is only at the doctor and for official paperwork. I do like my middle name, although I'm not a huge fan of the nickname. I don't know about official paperwork, but it should be easy enough to call the doctor's office and have them change your records to list you as F. Middlename Lastname, or even just Middlename Lastname instead of as Firstname M. Lastname. That's what my uncle does - well, actually, he hates both his names, so he lists himself as E. W. Lastname or Bill Lastname on everything. (W doesn't actually stand for William, though I'm sure most people assume it does.) It can be hard to convince the bank to change your records without a name change form, but the doctor's office shouldn't care. My sister's records were listed under her nickname up until her 20s, and that's nothing *like* her given name! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tap Posted October 24, 2015 Share Posted October 24, 2015 I think that picking a first name should be an adult right of passage. It may be a given name, or a whole new name. The name our parents liked for us as children, should not be something that we are expected to carry for life. Dd17 has gone by her middle name, full time, since she was in 6th grade. When she wanted to change to using her middle name all the time, the only request I had, was that she still let the family call her by her first name. I expected her to use her legal name on everything, and then if she chose to, I would help her change her name legally between high school and college. Her first name is an elegant name, and her middle name is a more common name (with an uncommon spelling that she loves LOL). The bulk of our family easily transitioned to her new name (it fits her better than her first name anyways) but the remaining hold outs don't see her often enough for it to matter. The hardest people to change, have been her childhood friends LOL. You would think that teenagers would be the easiest, but they still call her by her original name. She is ok with them calling her that name, but corrects anyone new who tries to start using it. I call her by her middle name 99% of the time, but if I want to get her attention, I will use her first name. She usually shoots me a playful evil glare when I do it, but it sure gets her to respond fast. LOL Her dad and brother have always called her 'sis' so it isn't an issue with them. Now that she is getting close to college, she is trying to decide if she wants to change her name in the next 2 years, or if she wants to wait until she is married, and just make the change at that time. She is so used to the dealing with the two names, she is realizing that the legal change may not be worth the money and effort. I say go for it! A name is a very personal thing and if you want to change it to fit you better, then I don't see any reason not to. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tsuga Posted October 24, 2015 Share Posted October 24, 2015 Another thread got me thinking about names. We can name our kids what we want and sometimes the names are not easy to pronounce or spell. I grew up always having to correct people on both spelling and pronunciation. Naturally, I learned to respond to two different names. One teacher would call me rachel, when it's really pronounced rawshell, and i'd correct them, and sometimes they still didn't get it. So at school I had two different names, depending on whatever teacher I had. I felt like there was nothing I could do, besides keep correcting people, and that became annoying. I've learned that if I want my name spelled and said correctly, to just go by my middle name, because everyone knows how to spell and pronounce angelica. When I expressed a desire to change my name legally, my family thought it was a phase and that I was just being weird. Then a certain public person went through a gender and name change. I thought to myself, 'you have to be kidding me"! Everyone in my circle finds that fascinating, and if I bring up my name change, they say "that is different". A simple young woman, with two kids wanting to change her name at 30, that is just banana talk!? But a man becoming a woman and changing his name is normal? I guess really, both are not normal, but a name is such a big part of who we are. I don't expect my family to just embrace a new name, and call me whatever I decide my new name should be. Just hearing my name said aloud sometimes is like nails on a chalkboard though.. Have any of you actually gone through with a legal name change, as in first not last? Well many women, almost certainly the majority, in the US change their last names when they marry. I don't see why you shouldn't change your first name as well if you wish. Go for it! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tap Posted October 24, 2015 Share Posted October 24, 2015 I've always wanted to remove my first name, since I've always been called by my middle name/nickname for middle name. I never got around to it, and I secretly didn't want to hurt my mother (or sister who supposedly is the one that picked that name - at age 3)! But I do cringe every time it's used, which is only at the doctor and for official paperwork. I do like my middle name, although I'm not a huge fan of the nickname. I don't know about official paperwork, but it should be easy enough to call the doctor's office and have them change your records to list you as F. Middlename Lastname, or even just Middlename Lastname instead of as Firstname M. Lastname. That's what my uncle does - well, actually, he hates both his names, so he lists himself as E. W. Lastname or Bill Lastname on everything. (W doesn't actually stand for William, though I'm sure most people assume it does.) It can be hard to convince the bank to change your records without a name change form, but the doctor's office shouldn't care. My sister's records were listed under her nickname up until her 20s, and that's nothing *like* her given name! If you decide to go by your middle name at the doctor, then just make sure your name is consistant at every doctor and your insurance. I bill pharmacy claims for a living and it is annoying when people are using multiple names as legal names. If your insurance lists you as 'first name, middle name'.....then keep it that way at the doctors too. If the insurance lists you as 'middle name only', then you can switch it at all your doctors (change them all at once), but also notify your pharmacy. I am sure it doesn't seem like a big deal to the patients, but we are forever having to spend our time trying to figure out if 'first name, middle name' is the same person as 'middle name', or 'nickname'. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tanaqui Posted October 24, 2015 Share Posted October 24, 2015 Oooh, good point, thanks. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RKWAcademy Posted October 24, 2015 Share Posted October 24, 2015 I did use my middle name for a long time for all health type things. My most recent health insurance insisted on first name. I think such organizations are more strict now. So, it was getting confusing for the doctor's office. I think my primary still has my middle name since I've been going there so long. My pharmacy wanted to change it to match insurance, so I let them. I don't go often so I never can remember which name to give them! And when the doctor recently referred me somewhere they went with first name. It's a pain. I went through a phase where I used my first initial. It's even on one of my degrees. Looks pretentious, and I wish I'd not done it. I should have made the change twenty years ago when I could. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
angelica Posted October 27, 2015 Author Share Posted October 27, 2015 (edited) In the end people will remember you as they know you, and a name is just one personal identifier. My great aunt passed this weekend, and I thought her name was one thing, and then I realized as I looked at her wrist that her name was only a nickname. Her real name was much prettier, but her nickname was so her as well! It will be interesting to see how our family remembers her, and what name they use in the end. My grandma, was also in the hospital and I learned that her real name was something else too, except hers was more of a cultural adaptation. Shes a Mary but her real name is nothing even close to that. I just have to laugh a bit about this this too because when I was visiting with her before I headed over to see my aunt, I noticed that the name on the sheets said Angelica. Life is cray cray. This weekend proved to me that names are vital, but what matters more is that I simply be myself, truly love myself, and appreciate that I still have vital signs. It's never too late to do anything, like change your name. I look forward to doing it! My grandma never really knew that she could, neither did my aunt, but they became who they wanted to be, and their name is a reflection of that. Edited October 27, 2015 by angelica Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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