Fascinating story in church today...follows up on my "party fail" post...

[Ginevra]

Today a junior pastor spoke; the topic was about how we can go astray when we forget where our help comes from. Anyway, the speaker's story was shocking and follows up a bit on what I asked before about kids who fail their first semester/year and how a parent should handle it.

 

To try and keep it concise, the speaker, whose name is Adam, talked about how he grew up in a loving, great family and was a good kid. He won an ROTC full scholarship to a state school. (A big school you would all recognize.) Anyway, he got off track in the party life and nearly failed every class first semester. His scholarship was on probation, of course, but his parents helped him regroup and he went back intending to salvage it. But he didn't. He got pulled back under and drank and smoked. He stopped going to classes. He knew his scholarship was about to be pulled, so he cooked up an idea. He told his parents he was upset about the military and did not want to continue ROTC. They were supportive of the altered goals, though this obviously meant they would pay much more money.

 

The school communicated only with Adam, not his parents, so they did not see the truth about his grades. It gets worse. He forged a paper document with acceptable grades to show his parents. He kept this lie going for THREE MORE YEARS!!! He failed everything. He was no longer even IN a degree program; he was on something like "non-credit probation", where he could sign up for classes, but they did not count for credit. He did not go to them anyway.

 

So, he kept this ruse going until he was coming up on his would-be final semester. His parents were anticipating his graduation. He was miserable with the gargantuan proportions of his lies. His friends did not know the truth, either. After spending what he said was a wonderful holiday weekend with his family, laughing and joking around, the weight of his lies was crushing him. He talked to a church member and told him the truth, and then his parents also came in and he told them.

 

He was weaving in The Prodigal Son with this story. I am just flabbergasted about this whole thing! What an awful lie to live...how humiliating to come clean...how humiliating for friends, family, Grandma, Uncle Bob to find out the truth. How quickly could I regroup if this was my kid? I honestly don't know.

 

I just thought it was an amazing story and a lot of food for thought. :)

 

ETA: fixed typos

[texasmama]

I'm glad he shared that with the congregation.  I'm sure it gave a lot of people hope that they are not too far down a bad road to turn around.

[G5052]

One did it at my undergraduate school.  

 

When graduation time came around, he skipped town just before his parents arrived, and they ended up in in the housing office looking for him (I was the head dorm assistant). They were told that he was in the dorm, but he hadn't been for several years.  All students had P.O. boxes there.  So when I confirmed that he wasn't in the dorm, I went to ask my boss to ask what to do because the parents were obviously misinformed. She had me tell the parents to wait and had me come back into her office with the door closed.  She made one phone call to the registrar, and then we knew.  Apparently this sort of thing had happened before at her previous college.  

 

She was very gracious with the parents, and told them that he was not living in the dorm after all and that he was not scheduled to graduate.  They were stunned.

 

Later the parents did find where he was living, and they talked to his housemate, who also had no idea what was going on.  He only knew that the guy had packed up and left.

 

I never knew what the rest of the story was, but it was so very awkward of course.  I hope that the kid and his parents eventually talked it out!

[Garga]

Gaah! I can't imagine! How miserable for all involved.

[plansrme]

I think something similar (though possibly less so) may have happened in Atlanta recently.  A young woman's family showed up for college graduation; she headed off ahead of them to the ceremony, cap and gown in hand.  The family showed up at the ceremony; there was no sign of her, and her name was not on the program.  They couldn't find her and filed a missing persons report.  She was found several days later in Illinois.  She was not up for graduation at all, though the media coverage I saw did not say how far away she was.  I can't believe she thought skipping town was easier than telling her parents what had happened.

[creekland]

I'd really like to think my guys and I have a more open line of communication.  I'm pretty sure we do.  But even if I found out all that later on, I'd still love them and we'd work at regrouping.  I suspect I'd wonder a little more where my money went than what they were doing.  We pay the colleges directly and we tend to see online grades after the semester ends.  I think both of those help assure us of what's going on.

 

And yes, I love the overall story of redemption and the fact that the "bottom" isn't filled with quicksand if one wants to get out of it (for such stories).  Kudos to mom and dad if they helped.

[Sebastian (a lady)]

I think that there is a lot of public discussion of kids' checking out colleges, getting acceptances, heading off to school.  I know several friends who changed their FB cover photos to college "proud parent" emblems.

 

It is a lot harder to be open to a kid who comes home from school.  I know at least three families who have brought their freshmen home because of poor grades or poor health.  They have been pretty open when asked how their kid has been, but it's not the sort of thing that you broadcast.

 

Because of this, I think that it's possible to feel like you are the only person who is failing school, the only parent who's kid isn't off doing great things and tearing it up.

 

That alone feeling can lead people to do some crazy things.  I'm glad that the worst mentioned in the above stories is hiding the truth and running away from the situation.  When I was in college, on freshman killed himself, in part because he thought his father wouldn't accept the idea of his quitting and coming home.  

[Hoggirl]

I think that there is a lot of public discussion of kids' checking out colleges, getting acceptances, heading off to school. I know several friends who changed their FB cover photos to college "proud parent" emblems.

 

It is a lot harder to be open to a kid who comes home from school. I know at least three families who have brought their freshmen home because of poor grades or poor health. They have been pretty open when asked how their kid has been, but it's not the sort of thing that you broadcast.

 

Because of this, I think that it's possible to feel like you are the only person who is failing school, the only parent who's kid isn't off doing great things and tearing it up.

 

That alone feeling can lead people to do some crazy things. I'm glad that the worst mentioned in the above stories is hiding the truth and running away from the situation. When I was in college, on freshman killed himself, in part because he thought his father wouldn't accept the idea of his quitting and coming home.

That is so tragic. :(

 

For my niece, it was later in her college career that challenges came to light. She lied for what would have been her entire senior year of college about what she was doing. She lived off-campus in an apartment with two other girls and had a part-time job. My sil and bil always just deposited her tuition money into her account and she paid it. Until her senior year when she never enrolled at all and lied about it all year long. Apparently, she had flunked out her junior year, but no one ever knew. About three weeks prior to her class's graduation date, she finally fessed up. This was about five weeks prior to ds's high school graduation. Dh and I basically felt sad for her for having to lie for so long and were worried that there might be deeper issues. Sadly, my in-laws were more about shame and blame. My narcissistic (sp??) father-in-law was "disappointed" which is code for angry because everyone and their successes or failures are an extension of him. Honestly, I am not sure I saw him speak to her at all at our family Christmas gathering this past year. Her parents were far more understanding (it's not like sil had a straight path herself, which is why it seemed strange to me that niece wasn't more forthcoming with her). Niece started a different job and has since re-enrolled part-time and seems to be doing well. However, the mil and especially the fil offer nothing but skepticism about her ability now. I understand that she broke trust with everyone, but there is no encouragement (only doubt) coming from them. I am thankful that sil and bil have been more supportive. Fil seems to have no concern for HER - only about appearances.

 

I definitely used this as a teachable moment for ds. I (accurately) predicted that niece would not come to his high school graduation. They are the only two grandchildren. She was far too smart to put herself in a situtation that was bound to lead to comparison. I don't blame her. It was an opportunity to tell ds that he could tell us anything, no matter what. And, if he hated his college, or it was too much, or it was too far, or WHATEVER, it was OKAY - he could just come home.

 

I truly hope that ds knows that my love for him is not tied to his performance in school.

[FaithManor]

I'd really like to think my guys and I have a more open line of communication.  I'm pretty sure we do.  But even if I found out all that later on, I'd still love them and we'd work at regrouping.  I suspect I'd wonder a little more where my money went than what they were doing.  We pay the colleges directly and we tend to see online grades after the semester ends.  I think both of those help assure us of what's going on.

 

And yes, I love the overall story of redemption and the fact that the "bottom" isn't filled with quicksand if one wants to get out of it (for such stories).  Kudos to mom and dad if they helped.

I agree so much with this!

 

That said, it makes me glad that U of MI has the "proxy" option in which students can give permission - similarly to signing a form for HIPPA in which you designate people who are entitled to information - so that we can see his grades and account. He volunteered for that.

 

I would want to help my kid out of the hole so long as he or she were willing to work his/her way up and wasn't doing something illegal/dangerous that put the rest of the family at risk.

[Carol in Cal.]

I hope my kid would come to me long before things went this far downhill.

 

I'd be pretty mad about the money if she wasn't actually enrolled.  I would support her in a solid plan to turn things around, but to lie to get money, that would pretty much cook our mutual trust for a while, supportive or not.

[Reefgazer]

This might not be the thread for me to ask the question, but I thought parents could get a waiver signed by their child that gave them access to grades and financial information? That way they would be informed as to what was going on. I have a DD who is only a year or so from high school, and she's what I would call "adventurous", so I wouldn't be paying for school without access to that information. For those of you who have kids in college or graduated, is it typical for a parent not to demand access to that data in the form of a waiver?

[G5052]

At the colleges where I teach it is called a FERPA Release Form.  Students 18 and old have to have a signed copy on file in order for their parents to inquire.

 

I always recommend that parents get it signed and on file.  Hopefully you'll never need it, but I tell mine that I have that right as long as I'm paying  :glare: .

[Hoggirl]

This might not be the thread for me to ask the question, but I thought parents could get a waiver signed by their child that gave them access to grades and financial information? That way they would be informed as to what was going on. I have a DD who is only a year or so from high school, and she's what I would call "adventurous", so I wouldn't be paying for school without access to that information. For those of you who have kids in college or graduated, is it typical for a parent not to demand access to that data in the form of a waiver?

Ds did sign something so that we could have access to the financial information/billing. We receive the bills so we can pay them. Unlike my sil's situation in the other post we could not directly give ds the money to pay the bills himself without incurring a gift tax each year. We have to pay them directly to the university to avoid that.

 

I have not a clue about a waiver allowing us to see his grades or if it is the same as the waiver for seeing financial information. To my knowledge, I cannot access his grades at all, nor would I want to. He is responsible for those, though we told him that we want to know what his grades are at the end of each quarter. His charter high school had a log in for constantly checking grades, but I rarely did. I also let him know when he left that when I asked about classes I wanted to know what he was learning and how he was liking them - I did not expect constant reports on his grades.

[Guest]

This might not be the thread for me to ask the question, but I thought parents could get a waiver signed by their child that gave them access to grades and financial information? That way they would be informed as to what was going on. I have a DD who is only a year or so from high school, and she's what I would call "adventurous", so I wouldn't be paying for school without access to that information. For those of you who have kids in college or graduated, is it typical for a parent not to demand access to that data in the form of a waiver?

This sounds like what Faith is saying one can obtain.

 

I imagine I would not be okay with being as periferral as Adam's parents were, but I can also easily see how older parents who don't spend much time on-line might just accept a paper document they think is from the school. My SIL,who is about 56 years old, often spoke strongly against doing things on-line, so that springs to mind as someone who would be so disinterested in going on-line that her kids *could* have faked something like that.

 

My husband, who is 52, would probably do this, too. He does not like doing things on-line and has never looked at our kids' private school on-line system. It's just not something he is interested in, so it's easy to see how a parent could be lied to that way.

[TechWife]

This might not be the thread for me to ask the question, but I thought parents could get a waiver signed by their child that gave them access to grades and financial information? That way they would be informed as to what was going on. I have a DD who is only a year or so from high school, and she's what I would call "adventurous", so I wouldn't be paying for school without access to that information. For those of you who have kids in college or graduated, is it typical for a parent not to demand access to that data in the form of a waiver?

 

Yes, students can sign a FERPA waiver. My son had to agree, separately, for me to have access to his financial account, his grades, his housing record and his disciplinary record. We told him that us paying for college was conditional upon him giving us access to his records. 

 

We haven't yet decided if we are going to ask him to sign a HIPPA waiver with student health, but I am leaning towards asking him to do it as he has had some pretty significant health problems in the past. I wouldn't force that one, though. Health privacy is a totally different matter than transparency about educational progress. 

 

Here is some detailed information about FERPA. 

 

His university did tell us up front that they do contact parents if they find out that the student is involved with illegal drugs and they also let the parent know if the student has two alcohol related infractions. They consider these incidents to be life threatening and they are also specifically allowed contacts under FERPA. 

[Jenny in Florida]

I, too, like to think that my relationship with my kids is solid enough that this kind of thing wouldn't happen, but I'll bet most of those parents thought that, too.

 

I can say that my son had a rough first semester. His grades came in above "flunking out," but below what was necessary to hold onto his scholarships. When he told us what grades he had gotten, I was mostly upset that he had not been more open with us earlier on when we still could have been of some help. We had several conversations with him in which we made it clear that we are always happy to help in any way we can -- I will proofread papers, help him set up an online planner to keep track of assignments, call to nag him about getting things done (if he requests that I do so), basically pitch in as requested or in any way he accepts -- but we need to be kept in the loop in order to be able to help at all. We also made it crystal clear that, even if we had the money to do so, we would not pay out of pocket to make up the difference if he lost any of his scholarship money; however, it's a moot point because we don't have the bucks to do so, anyway. Then I sat down with him and calculated his current GPA and how many classes he would need A's in the following semester in order to recover by the end of the academic year (which was all that mattered for scholarship retention purposes). We ran various scenarios for classes and grades and worked out a couple of possible schedules that would result in the best chance that he could, with a lot of focus and hard work, boost his GPA for the year above the necessary 3.0. 

 

We also explained that, since he had not been as forthcoming as we would have liked during his first semester, we now reserved the right to be pushier about asking more pointed questions and expecting more detailed answers when we asked "how school is going."

 

He had been really happy on campus and told us in no uncertain terms that he would do whatever it took in order to stay there. We consistently said we hoped he could make that happen, but that we could talk about alternatives and back-up plans if things didn't work out for any reason. (We also consistently told both of our kids that we are always open to talking about a change of direction, including transferring to a different school, if they are unhappy or decide there are better opportunities elsewhere.) 

 

At a couple of points during the semester when I thought he was stressing about grades, I tried to reassure him that it wouldn't be the end of the world if things didn't work out the way he wanted. I reminded him that there are lots of paths to where he wants to go, career wise, and that we would always be happy to help him figure out the next step. He wasn't terribly receptive to that conversation, because he very much wanted to stay where he is, but I like to think that just having me say the words might have planted the seed in his brain that he didn't need to worry about "letting us down" or breaking unexpected bad news to us and dreading our reaction.

 

So, I quietly did some research into programs at our local community college that might be a good fit for him and how long it would take him to complete an associates degree with the credits he's already earned. I made tables and charts listing the credits he's earned through dual enrollment and CLEP and his year at the university and how those matched up with requirements for different degrees. I calculated and made notes about how many semesters it would take for him to finish each degree. I looked up details about the two non-classical, pre-pro dance training programs locally so that I was prepared to pitch him an assortment of alternatives and combinations that I thought would appeal to him.

 

As it turned out, none of it was necessary, because he did manage to keep his grades up where they needed to be. 

 

Once we finished cheering, I did tell him I had checked out a bunch of "just-in-case" options and that, if he ever did feel like things weren't working out, we could always talk about any or all of them.

 

So, for the moment, it looks like his crisis has passed and that we all got through it relatively unscathed. I hope he's learned what is required to do well in his program and that he's capable of doing that level of work, but also that it's okay to change his mind, change course, drop back and punt, and that we will love and support him in making choices that work for him.

 

But honestly, there's a part of me that will be holding my breath until he graduates . . . or whatever.

[creekland]

We don't check our guys' grades online and I'm careful about how much I push to know what they are during the school year.  I do, however, want to know what they are at the end of the semester and they can show me online.

 

Middle easily shares his throughout the year though.  He loves to share oodles of details about his life and I'm thrilled.  Both oldest and youngest liked being more private and we respected that.

 

Phone calls with middle and youngest are predictable.

 

Middle tells us all about his classes, grades, studying, research projects, clubs, plans, & goals.  He even asks for advice now and then.  We've been known to ask if he gets any sleep in.

 

Youngest tells us all about his composting, plants, outside activities (paddleboarding, kayaking, camping), friends, church services, bike rides, and movies.  We have been known to ask if he still tucks a class or two in there somewhere!   :lol:

 

Same family, same upbringing, different kids!

[MBM]

We've always stressed to our kids that nothing is set in stone. If they want to go to a different university, major in something else, take time off, work for awhile -- come talk to us. If they're failing classes or having a tough time for any reasons, same thing. We have already BTDT with two of our kids who are now in their early 30s. As kids transition to becoming more independent, figuring out what they want to do in life and how to go about it can be a bumpy ride at times.

[Bluegoat]

I had a few university classes that I flunked.  It isn't something that I told my parents at the time, mostly I just didn't want to deal with whatever their reaction was. (I don't know that they would have said much, now that I am older and wiser - they were actually very hands off once I graduated from high school. I would not, however, run off to another city in any case.  I can see how that happens though, easily enough - kids have a ton of pressure around the whole idea of university.  I had a bursary from my dad's work that covered my tuition if I completed a full course load, so I just came up with the cash myself to do summer credits. 

 

My parents never had access to my grades or anything else, and I don't really think that is a great idea generally speaking, other than financial stuff if they are paying directly.

[FloridaLisa]

We don't check our guys' grades online and I'm careful about how much I push to know what they are during the school year.  I do, however, want to know what they are at the end of the semester and they can show me online.

 

Middle easily shares his throughout the year though.  He loves to share oodles of details about his life and I'm thrilled.  Both oldest and youngest liked being more private and we respected that.

 

Phone calls with middle and youngest are predictable.

 

Middle tells us all about his classes, grades, studying, research projects, clubs, plans, & goals.  He even asks for advice now and then.  We've been known to ask if he gets any sleep in.

 

Youngest tells us all about his composting, plants, outside activities (paddleboarding, kayaking, camping), friends, church services, bike rides, and movies.  We have been known to ask if he still tucks a class or two in there somewhere!   :lol:

 

Same family, same upbringing, different kids!

 

Hmm. I've never asked for my kids' grades. If they share, they share, if not, then not. One shares every grade, another shared most grades and another shares most grades as they come in. There was one semester where grades weren't shared for one child but that child did mention grades had dropped and that child was a bit disappointed. 

 

I would think there would be other clues. Texts bought and sold, conversations about class and professors. Clues from friends at the school, online posts, how time was spent, etc. I think telling would not only have avoided the angst but also could have stopped the slide. Sometimes I think kids think they can fix it, they goof up, hide it and it just gets worse. Not that I had that experience in high school chemistry. :) 

[vonfirmath]

I flunked out of college. My parents were very open and accepting. But I also was pretty sure I knew what they would say and I didn't really want to do it. They did everything "right" as far as I can tell. But I just didn't tell them I was in trouble.

 

I eventually got away from it by getting a "job" elsewhere and moving away. (moved in with a friend in another state) But my parents knew where I was going, etc. Just not that I had flunked out of college and going back to college at the moment was not an option.

 

My dad had flunked out of college himself and eventually went back and got a degree. So he even had that going for him. But I just didn't talk about it with them and they didn't press. (Probably I avoided talking to them? I was living in dorms for two years and then in an apartment off campus afterward)  That last year, my mom had moved states and her and dad's marriage was rocky so there were other things going on as well.

[Guest]

Hmm. I've never asked for my kids' grades. If they share, they share, if not, then not. One shares every grade, another shared most grades and another shares most grades as they come in. There was one semester where grades weren't shared for one child but that child did mention grades had dropped and that child was a bit disappointed.

 

I would think there would be other clues. Texts bought and sold, conversations about class and professors. Clues from friends at the school, online posts, how time was spent, etc. I think telling would not only have avoided the angst but also could have stopped the slide. Sometimes I think kids think they can fix it, they goof up, hide it and it just gets worse. Not that I had that experience in high school chemistry. :)

I do feel like I would get suspicious if I *never* heard any stories about this professor or that, or how this class is structured, how outrageous this text was, etc. i wonder a little, though, if there would be less of those stories on the whole with a large state uni? I'm thinking of my own classes at the community college - there was so much comment-worthy about those classes because they were small. I knew the profs, i knew the other students. Is there much to say about a big lecture hall class with 300 students in it? I tend to think there would be less.

[regentrude]

I do feel like I would get suspicious if I *never* heard any stories about this professor or that, or how this class is structured, how outrageous this text was, etc. i wonder a little, though, if there would be less of those stories on the whole with a large state uni? I'm thinking of my own classes at the community college - there was so much comment-worthy about those classes because they were small. I knew the profs, i knew the other students. Is there much to say about a big lecture hall class with 300 students in it? I tend to think there would be less.

 

I don't think so. There is still camaraderie among the students. Just because there are 300 in a class does not mean they don't form smaller study groups, lab groups, have discussion sections, live in dorms.

I teach a class with 600 students and run a help session for that. Most students who attend the help center come in groups of friends, regular clusters of 3-8 people who work together. I hear them talk about their other classes; they compare profs, talk about exams, gripe about assignments - I don't think the size of the courses impacts that at all. And I'm sure they talk about me, because I hear from other people that they did ;-)

[creekland]

I do feel like I would get suspicious if I *never* heard any stories about this professor or that, or how this class is structured, how outrageous this text was, etc. i wonder a little, though, if there would be less of those stories on the whole with a large state uni? I'm thinking of my own classes at the community college - there was so much comment-worthy about those classes because they were small. I knew the profs, i knew the other students. Is there much to say about a big lecture hall class with 300 students in it? I tend to think there would be less.

 

I hear FAR more in depth info about classes, specific content, texts, and interactions with profs from my Research U guy than I ever do/did from my LAC guys.  It depends a ton on the student more than where they go IME.

[Cabertmom]

Wow! How awful. You have to wonder how high the pressure was for these kids to succeed in college that they were willing to go to such extreme and insane lengths to hide the fact that they couldn't or wouldn't graduate from their parents.

[Catherine]

I hear FAR more in depth info about classes, specific content, texts, and interactions with profs from my Research U guy than I ever do/did from my LAC guys.  It depends a ton on the student more than where they go IME.

 

 

Yes to this.  I hear very very little detail from my student. Enough that I KNOW he could have deceived us in the way the Quill describes.  Except for the fact that we directly pay the university so we would definitely know if he left and didn't take classes.  

 

He elects to tell me his grades, though not even necessarily which ones for which classes.  I have bitten my tongue nearly off not asking for more detail-I do sometimes, and it is forthcoming, though a bit reluctantly.  He does mention friend occasionally, and does mention juggling, an activity that he's very involved in.  Just not a really effusive sharer.

[Hoggirl]

Yes to this. I hear very very little detail from my student. Enough that I KNOW he could have deceived us in the way the Quill describes. Except for the fact that we directly pay the university so we would definitely know if he left and didn't take classes.

 

He elects to tell me his grades, though not even necessarily which ones for which classes. I have bitten my tongue nearly off not asking for more detail-I do sometimes, and it is forthcoming, though a bit reluctantly. He does mention friend occasionally, and does mention juggling, an activity that he's very involved in. Just not a really effusive sharer.

"Just not a really effusive sharer," fits my ds to a T! But for some of his friends who are girls posting and tagging on FB, I wouldn't have much of an idea of what he was doing socially. In general, I just don't think boys share much with their mamas once they get past a certain age. I suppose it is normal, and I don't want a mama's boy, but I do wish I got a wee bit more info!

[creekland]

"I do wish I got a wee bit more info!

 

Both hubby and I treasure being able to share middle son's life more deeply.  He shares pretty much everything - good, bad, general details about his days.

 

Youngest shares a fair bit, but his focus is rarely academic.  Every now and then we get a glimpse.  He called us the same day he had a course guest taught by Elie Wiesel and he called us the same day he got 100% on one of his tests.  It felt so good to be in the loop with things he loved.

 

I wish we could find the key to being kept in the loop (good or bad).  Our family shares a ton when the guys are home.  It's so nice when they continue (at least a little bit) when they're away from home.

 

I don't have girls, so I've no idea how they compare.

 

I know I've started calling my own mom far more often due to how much I love hearing from my guys.  I wish I had learned that lesson sooner.

[regentrude]

 

 

I don't have girls, so I've no idea how they compare.

 

My DD has been wonderful about keeping us in the loop.

We talk on the phone every day, some days multiple times; she has a 15 minute walk from her dorm to campus and likes to chat with us while she walks. She tells us a lot of details, both about her classes and her outside life. It makes me very happy that she wants to talk to me and include me in her life.

I expect that, when her brother leaves for college, we might hear from him once at the end of the semester when he needs to arrange travel home. Even now that he lives at home, he is not talkative and conversation is mainly restricted to the exchange of necessary information.

Some of it is girl vs boy, and some of it is extrovert vs introvert on top of it.

[Catherine]

It's interesting-I don't have a daughter, but my SIL, who has three, and one son, has said more than once that she wishes her girls would tell her LESS-as in, she sometimes feels like they share more info than she really wants to know-info that she never in a million years would have shared with her own mom.  While she appreciates the closeness with her daughters, I think she also wonders if they are dependent on her too much.  IMO, that is hardly the case-they are definitely growing up and moving on with life.  So I think part of what we are talking about may be a gender difference, part may be the quality of the relationship with the kid, and part is just plain ole tempermental  differences.  

 

I do know that when oldest, who I mentioned above, was an exchange student in Germany, when he was 17-he did not contact us for almost 2 months when he first arrived.  I was obsessively checking that little green dot on FB that tells you when someone is there, or when they were last there.  As a disclaimer, we did hear by email fairly often from his host parents.  Not calling or emailing (as he had requested, and AFS encourages) was tough.

[Mabelen]

My daughter had a rocky first quarter academically due to poor time management. I can't say I was surprised. This was something I had tried to get through to her during high school unsuccessfully. She confided in us and took advice well. She sought help and turned things around. She is an introvert and shares less than many of the females here, but we chat several times a week. She has definitely matured. I love how we relate now on a different level.

 

Her room mate, who she knew from high school, dropped out of college this last quarter. She was spending more and more time away from campus as the year went by to be with her boyfriend who is attending community college in our city. I am not sure if she has told her parents yet. All of her things are still in her dorm room.

[katilac]

"Just not a really effusive sharer," fits my ds to a T! But for some of his friends who are girls posting and tagging on FB, I wouldn't have much of an idea of what he was doing socially. In general, I just don't think boys share much with their mamas once they get past a certain age. I suppose it is normal, and I don't want a mama's boy, but I do wish I got a wee bit more info!

 

Eh, I think it's much more of a personality difference rather than a male/female difference. 

[Guest]

My daughter had a rocky first quarter academically due to poor time management. I can't say I was surprised. This was something I had tried to get through to her during high school unsuccessfully. She confided in us and took advice well. She sought help and turned things around. She is an introvert and shares less than many of the females here, but we chat several times a week. She has definitely matured. I love how we relate now on a different level.

 

Her room mate, who she knew from high school, dropped out of college this last quarter. She was spending more and more time away from campus as the year went by to be with her boyfriend who is attending community college in our city. I am not sure if she has told her parents yet. All of her things are still in her dorm room.

Oh, no...that would be a big red flag to me. :(

[Mabelen]

Oh, no...that would be a big red flag to me. :(

Her mom is aware now for sure. Her dad may or may not know yet. They are divorced. Anyway, my dd's room mate picked up some of her things recently and will go back for the rest of her stuff before dorm closes this Saturday. We are picking our daughter up on Friday morning.

 

I am sorry this girl is dropping out. Apparently her older sister also dropped out several years ago (different school altogether). It seems she had made her mind up to follow her boyfriend early on in the year but she had initially planned to finish her year here first then continue at community college, which is not a completely bad plan in California. It's just that the boyfriend doesn't seem to be having a good influence at this point.