G5052 Posted May 11, 2015 Author Share Posted May 11, 2015 I have a friend who makes everything into a statement. She went through a "no makeup" phase, and of course it was all about "society's oppressive standards". Now she is in the "let the gray go" phase, and this is also about "being my authentic self and letting go of vanity". I don't think she realizes how that sounds condemnatory of anyone else not making the same choice. Give it a rest. Several of my "going gray" friends are like this, are even a little aggressive about it. One told me Sunday that the only women who color their hair are women who have something to prove. I just smiled. She's a great friend in others ways and probably wasn't thinking about how it came across. Another friend actually told me ahead of time a few months ago that she was doing this and said that she didn't want me to feel condemned because I'm not gray. It really isn't a big issue. Do what makes you happy! There I said it... 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wildiris Posted May 11, 2015 Share Posted May 11, 2015 I am going grey/white, but I didn't realize how grey until I recently had my photo taken for a new passport. The grey hair makes me look washed-out. The kids and DH say not color. They are of the opinion that hair color on older women makes a statement of trying too hard to hang on to youth, and hair color doesn't hide wrinkles. For me, grey hair means wearing a bit of makeup to brighten my features, that and a lot of hair conditioner to combat dryness. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
abacus2 Posted May 11, 2015 Share Posted May 11, 2015 Fortunately, I appear to be taking after my mother who is 50% or less gray at 60. I am 37 and have just a sprinkling of gray in the front. I am going sparkly. My low maintenance routine is brought to you by good genes. I don't wear make-up or do anything with my hair, but I have naturally good skin and naturally beautiful, later-graying hair. With a different situation, I could see myself taking a different approach. I doubt that I will ever dye my hair. I generally prefer natural looks; it really bugs me that TV or magazines that do make-overs dye hair 100% of the time, even using temporary dye when the person doesn't want to change their color. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Loowit Posted May 11, 2015 Share Posted May 11, 2015 I started to get a few white/silver hairs about five years ago. I decided long ago that I didn't want to color my hair. I am too cheap and lazy to color. My mom is in her mid-60s and still has very few grey hairs, so there is a bit of hoping that will happen for me too, but either way I don't care all that much. I really don't care what others choose to do with their hair. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
abacus2 Posted May 11, 2015 Share Posted May 11, 2015 I am going grey/white, but I didn't realize how grey until I recently had my photo taken for a new passport. The grey hair makes me look washed-out. The kids and DH say not color. They are of the opinion that hair color on older women makes a statement of trying too hard to hang on to youth, and hair color doesn't hide wrinkles. For me, grey hair means wearing a bit of makeup to brighten my features, that and a lot of hair conditioner to combat dryness. Dying hair or not should be about your preferences. It is not in any way "trying too hard" for a mom who still has kids at home to dye her hair. Your DH and kids probably have no idea how many women your age dye their hair because it looks completely normal when done well. They are probably thinking that you won't look like yourself anymore if you change your hair. Dye your hair and they will see that you are still you. 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mothersweets Posted May 11, 2015 Share Posted May 11, 2015 I don't think its a big deal either way. I'm early 40's and color, with no intention of stopping. I started greying at 22, though. I think that can make a difference. I don't know that I'd color if I didn't start graying until I was in my 40's or 50's. I'm almost fully great his point. 8circles, I'm sure you're totally great!! I'm 46 and have some grey - mostly at my temples and a little sprinkled throughout. I've been dyeing my hair for about a year now. The grey hairs have a totally different texture - they are not cooperative at all - and the hair dye seems to make those grey hairs behave. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lllll Posted May 11, 2015 Share Posted May 11, 2015 .. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted May 11, 2015 Share Posted May 11, 2015 Article said... These days, choosing not to dye has become a statement rather than a casual stylistic choice. No, really sometimes it is just a casual stylistic choice. I note that most of the comments here are talking about upkeep, and/or just what looks best. It doesn't have to be a statement or a war. It's not that big of a deal. I have a friend who makes everything into a statement. She went through a "no makeup" phase, and of course it was all about "society's oppressive standards". Now she is in the "let the gray go" phase, and this is also about "being my authentic self and letting go of vanity". I don't think she realizes how that sounds condemnatory of anyone else not making the same choice. Give it a rest. to me, she sounds woefully insecure within herself *and her own choices* that she must justify herself. by making these "statements" (the focus of which changes regularly), she seems to be attempting to draw attention to herself in a weak attempt for receiving validation. she needs to :chillpill: 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted May 11, 2015 Share Posted May 11, 2015 Dying hair or not should be about your preferences. It is not in any way "trying too hard" for a mom who still has kids at home to dye her hair. Your DH and kids probably have no idea how many women your age dye their hair because it looks completely normal when done well. They are probably thinking that you won't look like yourself anymore if you change your hair. Dye your hair and they will see that you are still you. if anything - it cuts down on the comments of "what lovely grandchildren you have". :banghead: he. is. not. my. grandchild. :svengo: (otoh: dh thinks it's hilarious) 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
goldberry Posted May 11, 2015 Share Posted May 11, 2015 The grey hairs have a totally different texture - they are not cooperative at all - and the hair dye seems to make those grey hairs behave. Yeah, what's up with that? They are like electrical wire! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lady Florida. Posted May 11, 2015 Share Posted May 11, 2015 Seems like a made up "war" to me. If it's about being authentic, then any hair coloring should be included. If you aren't going gray but you dye your hair pink or purple, or dye your brown hair blonde, then aren't you just as "inauthentic" as someone who colors the gray? If it's not your natural color, it's not authentic right? I'm not advocating that position, just pointing out that the argument could be made. I do color my gray. I get it professionally done. I also have highlights added. If I left it alone, I don't think it would go completely gray yet, but there would be quite a bit, probably more gray than brown (my natural color). I do it because I like the way it looks, just as someone who's not going gray might like the way a color other than their natural color looks. I don't do it because I'm afraid of aging. Color your hair or don't. Cover your gray or let it come in. Do it because you want to. You don't owe anyone a reason. 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
8circles Posted May 11, 2015 Share Posted May 11, 2015 8circles, I'm sure you're totally great!! I'm 46 and have some grey - mostly at my temples and a little sprinkled throughout. I've been dyeing my hair for about a year now. The grey hairs have a totally different texture - they are not cooperative at all - and the hair dye seems to make those grey hairs behave. Ha! I totally missed that. I'll edit. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mathnerd Posted May 11, 2015 Share Posted May 11, 2015 Funny story - my DH has a childhood friend - they are both middle aged and the friend has never been married. The friend had a serious health crisis and called my DH to drive him to the emergency room as he lives alone and DH took him to the hospital. DH wanted to give his friend some privacy with the doctors and chose to wait in the reception area. The nurse came out and told DH that his dad was ready to go to the radiology department for the MRI. My DH told them that they were mistaken because his dad was not there and not even in the same state as us. The nurse then said that the elderly gentleman that DH bought with him was ready to have his MRI. That is when he realized that his childhood buddy who is a few months younger than him and who had gone completely gray was mistaken for his father! They still laugh a lot about that incident. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
redsquirrel Posted May 11, 2015 Share Posted May 11, 2015 The article is from 2007, so the "war" didn't last long, did it, lol. And grey hair is curly, frizzy, coarse, etc b/c your body isn't making high quality hair. Young hair has loads of keratin and is shiny. Older hair, not so much. As we get older evolution has decided, "Hey, you've either reproduced by now or you have not. Anyway, that ship has sailed so we are shutting down your shiny hair along with your reproductive organs." Our collagen also stops being replaced at the same rate etc. Well, it was fun while it lasted! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted May 11, 2015 Share Posted May 11, 2015 Ha! I totally missed that. I'll edit. Don't edit -- I thought it was perfect the way it was! :hurray: 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Suzanne in ABQ Posted May 12, 2015 Share Posted May 12, 2015 My hair is longish, and mostly brown, but I have silver hairs interspersed all through. There are more than I would care to pluck, though I do pull out the ones that pop out overnight, and are all zig-zaggy and course. I like the ones that are fine and smooth. I'm hoping they'll eventually take over. Interestingly, the silver hairs fall out when they reach about chin length, while the brown hairs grow easily past my shoulders. Just keeping my hair long makes it appear less silver. If I were to suddenly become a professional, I would probably start dying my hair. But, I don't have a reason to do so now. Just cutting it twice a year and keeping it in good condition is enough for me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dirty ethel rackham Posted May 12, 2015 Share Posted May 12, 2015 While I feel that I have earned every one of my gray hairs, I will probably dye it when it gets a little more pronounced. I have curly hair and started wearing it straight because the gray hairs were just too independent for my liking - as in sticking out in weird ways, not playing nice with others. I felt like I looked so unkempt. I feel very old, but I am not ready to look it. My hair has enough natural highlights that the "sparkles" are not that obvious now. I may start coloring it soon. But I am certainly not looking forward to that maintenance. Does this mean I have to turn in my slightly crunchy membership card? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catz Posted May 12, 2015 Share Posted May 12, 2015 Well, on the other end, I am 44 and have like no greys. I've plucked a couple in my life. My mom is 69 and is just really starting to get grey. People ask me if I dye my hair all the time. :thumbdown: LOL. It is naturally very dark and I have a light complexion. Whatever works for you. I'm pretty lazy about hair maintenance (I desperately need a cut right now), so I'm glad I'm not trying to maintain a dye job! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cafdog Posted May 12, 2015 Share Posted May 12, 2015 Mid-forties here...and about 50% grey. I'm in the stylist's chair every 5-6 weeks. Pain in the arse, but still fightin' the good fight. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Serenade Posted May 12, 2015 Share Posted May 12, 2015 Oh goodness, yes. I use the $6 root Clairol stuff, mix it up and then separate my hair with a comb as I go. I don't do the back. I start at the part and put on the gloves and apply it with my fingers. It takes five minutes to apply and then I let it set for 20 minutes. It saves a lot of money and time versus going to the hairdresser, and I can't damage my roots. Thank you! Maybe I'll try this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Danestress Posted May 12, 2015 Share Posted May 12, 2015 Oh please. Nice attempt at trying to create a 'war' when none exists. My rapidly aging hair is not a statement. Maybe she thinks it is, but she has no idea. Reactive to dyes? Too busy for touching up roots? Trying to reduce expenses? Feeling solidarity with my late great white- haired grandfather? And I don't think dying ones hair really makes a statement other than, I guess, "for now, I choose to dye my hair." I am pretty grey at 48. I don't care, and I seriously doubt anyone else does either. In my experience, 99% of people are mostly interested in their own live, choices, and opinion. During the year I was growing it out, a few friends made comments - mostly about how I could do high/low lights to blend it as it grew. But they weren't making political or feminist statement. They were just saying, "Wow, you have two inches of grey and six of brown." But they don't really truly care. Why should they? Maybe I am in la la land, but I dont think most peole care. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laura Corin Posted May 12, 2015 Share Posted May 12, 2015 I'm fairly grey and like it. I enjoyed watching my father go grey and then white, so seeing my hair - which is very similar to how his was - change just fits me into family history. One of these years, if I'm lucky, I'll watch Calvin (who also has the dark family hair) get his first grey hairs. I keep my hair well cut and accessorise in silver. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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