Ignore this thread!

[Jean in Newcastle]

Parenting is a dance. Sometimes it is wild gyrations and break dancing. And sometimes it is the coordinated effort of a well called square dance.

 

 

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[Another Lynn]

I'm sorry, Lynn. I really am. I wish I had more high-brow taste in literature.

 

:grouphug:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

:hat:

 

:lol:

 

:leaving:

 

(No need to apologize!  Plenty of "high-brow" I couldn't get through either!!)

[KrissiK]

Ugh, speaking of parenting... so... we go to the library today and DS1 brings home some graphic novels. He's been reading them for a while now, and I'm tryng not to be a control freak. But now, he's discovered the YA section and brought home some very inappropriate reading material. We want him to monitor himself, we've taught him right and wrong, etc. but... he's sitting in there with DH and can't figure out why we're making him take them back. I hate this. I don't want to be some controlling mom, I don't want him to be rebellious and sneaky, which he has been, I want to trust this kid to make the right decisions... and it's not just violence, which I don't like, but it's stuff that goes very clearly against what we believe and are tryng to teach our kids. Grrrr!

Edited July 6, 2016 by KrissiK

[Jean in Newcastle]

I am exhausted.  Today seemed to go at breakneck speed. 

[Slache]

My mother just moved 10 minutes away. :( I was really hoping she would move to California. She still doesn't have a job but she's got a really nice apartment now. Okay.

[Susan in TN]

My mother just moved 10 minutes away. :( I was really hoping she would move to California. She still doesn't have a job but she's got a really nice apartment now. Okay.

Aye karumba.

[Susan in TN]

No. You might choke. Popcorn requires supervision.

Crud.

 

Hows your head?

[Junie]

(((Krissi)))

 

(((Slache)))

[ikslo]

Ugh, speaking of parenting... so... we go to the library today and DS1 brings home some graphic novels. He's been reading them for a while now, and I'm tryng not to be a control freak. But now, he's discovered the YA section and brought home some very inappropriate reading material. We want him to monitor himself, we've taught him right and wrong, etc. but... he's sitting in there with DH and can't figure out why we're making him take them back. I hate this. I don't want to be some controlling mom, I don't want him to be rebellious and sneaky, which he has been, I want to trust this kid to make the right decisions... and it's not just violence, which I don't like, but it's stuff that goes very clearly against what we believe and are tryng to teach our kids. Grrrr!

Well, he hasn't figured it out because honestly, you haven't given him the chance. You are taking it out his hands before he has the chance to read it and determine if the contents are suitable. (Your right as a parent, just saying.). Sometimes kids have to actually read it to understand what parents know at a glance. Granted that can't be undone once read. However, the forbidden fruit is always more tantalizing when it is mysterious.

 

My aunt let me borrow one of her trashy "romance" novels once. Mom found it and threw it in the wood stove before I could read it. All that did is tell me it was something worth reading. I read the whole series at my aunt's, just because she did that.

 

ETA: I'm confident your discussion with him will glean better results than the route my mom chose.

Edited July 6, 2016 by ikslo

[ikslo]

Crud.

 

Hows your head?

Fine. Headache went away next morning as soon as my Aunt showed up to visit.

 

Thanks for asking.

[Another Lynn]

Good Wednesday Morning!

 

I think Ikslo makes a good point.  And maybe it comes down to trust?  Sometimes (especially with tweens / early teens) it's hard to know if we're ready to trust their conscience vs. still need to help mold it, or something in between - and I think for me, navigating that was hardest with the first one.    I wonder if he would be as interested in the YA books if you offered to read it aloud to him.   :laugh:   Sort of kidding, but sort of not.  But watching or reading something with a dc gives opportunity for discussion and might be better than a flat out no.  And I suppose I would have different advice depending on how bad the content was, and what the child's attitude was.  But if it's possible to give leeway, trusting a child can go a long way towards helping them grow in responsibility.     :grouphug: 

 

 

 

 

 

  

[Junie]

Happy Wednesday!

 

The library didn't happen last night because I was too tired to drive.  I forced myself to stay awake until the littles' bedtime (9 p.m.) and then I went to bed.  I woke up a few times but I was able to get right back to sleep.  (Usually I"m awake for an hour.  Or more.)  I woke up at 6 a.m. feeling mostly rested.  :)

[Slache]

I had a dream that ikslo was helping me take care of the baby and she wanted to give him spices which irritated me because she didn't want to give him the spices that you would normally give a baby, but other spices that were too overwhelming. It was all very odd. And she looked just like her profile picture. As in she was a drawing.

 

I need 4-6 attractive matching baskets for additional storage over our kitchen cabinets. Where do I get them?

 

It's an I dream about ikslo Booya...

 

:leaving:

Edited July 6, 2016 by Slache

[Another Lynn]

I have come up with a new syndrome:  CIA - Cooking Induced Anxiety.   :leaving:

 

 

Also, did you guys see the thread about the guy who fasted for a year?   :svengo:

[Another Lynn]

Ugh, speaking of parenting... so... we go to the library today and DS1 brings home some graphic novels. He's been reading them for a while now, and I'm tryng not to be a control freak. But now, he's discovered the YA section and brought home some very inappropriate reading material. We want him to monitor himself, we've taught him right and wrong, etc. but... he's sitting in there with DH and can't figure out why we're making him take them back. I hate this. I don't want to be some controlling mom, I don't want him to be rebellious and sneaky, which he has been, I want to trust this kid to make the right decisions... and it's not just violence, which I don't like, but it's stuff that goes very clearly against what we believe and are tryng to teach our kids. Grrrr!

 

 

Good Wednesday Morning!

 

I think Ikslo makes a good point.  And maybe it comes down to trust?  Sometimes (especially with tweens / early teens) it's hard to know if we're ready to trust their conscience vs. still need to help mold it, or something in between - and I think for me, navigating that was hardest with the first one.    I wonder if he would be as interested in the YA books if you offered to read it aloud to him.   :laugh:   Sort of kidding, but sort of not.  But watching or reading something with a dc gives opportunity for discussion and might be better than a flat out no.  And I suppose I would have different advice depending on how bad the content was, and what the child's attitude was.  But if it's possible to give leeway, trusting a child can go a long way towards helping them grow in responsibility.     :grouphug:

 

 

So, after re-reading your post, I think mine was possibly out of line for the situation.  If you'd rather I just show up with duct tape, I can do that!  

[Junie]

I have come up with a new syndrome:  CIA - Cooking Induced Anxiety.   :leaving:

 

 

Also, did you guys see the thread about the guy who fasted for a year?   :svengo:

 

When ds15 had his appendix out a few years ago, he was thrilled by the IV fluids.  He wanted to get his nourishment by IV forever so that he wouldn't have to eat anymore.   :huh:

[Slache]

When ds15 had his appendix out a few years ago, he was thrilled by the IV fluids. He wanted to get his nourishment by IV forever so that he wouldn't have to eat anymore. :huh:

I don't like eating. I don't mind drinking but eating is uncomfortable. I could live on smoothies.

[Junie]

I read the "What is the best part of being a parent" thread and I realized that I don't like being a parent.  :(  I think that something went wrong somewhere and I need to re-evaluate.

 

I may post random and weird things today to help me figure this out.  Please stand by...

[Openhearted]

I'm awake.

 

Coffee is ingested. But not enough.

 

First day of conference today and 3-4 hours of driving. What was I thinking? Well, when I signed up mom was not here, and I honestly thought we would make a mini vacation of it. But that is not possible. So driving it is.

 

I think y'all gave Krissi some good advice.

 

I hope everyone has a safe and peaceful day.

[Another Lynn]

I read the "What is the best part of being a parent" thread and I realized that I don't like being a parent.   :(  I think that something went wrong somewhere and I need to re-evaluate.

 

I may post random and weird things today to help me figure this out.  Please stand by...

 

 

Off to read.....

[Another Lynn]

I read the "What is the best part of being a parent" thread and I realized that I don't like being a parent.   :(  I think that something went wrong somewhere and I need to re-evaluate.

 

I may post random and weird things today to help me figure this out.  Please stand by...

 

 

Off to read.....

 

 

Okay, I'm back.  Standing by....

 

(I think I'm a bit cynical regarding expressions of enthusiastic feeling - some that even border on mushy.  I thought the "income tax deduction" reply was funny; I like sarcasm.  It's not that I don't like being a parent, it's just that it's a relationship, not a role.  For example, wouldn't it be weird to post a thread "What I like about being friends with Junie."  I mean I like being Junie's friend, but I don't go around analyzing it, gushing about how great it is to know you as you live your life.  It sounds dysfunctional to me.  But maybe I'm over-analyzing it.   :laugh: )

[Another Lynn]

Dawn, its party time!!!!   :hurray:  :hurray:  :hurray:  :party:  :party:  :party: Be careful driving.  Maybe get some CDs of seminars you didn't attend to listen to on the way home?  

[prairiewindmomma]

:seeya:

[Junie]

Okay, I'm back.  Standing by....

 

(I think I'm a bit cynical regarding expressions of enthusiastic feeling - some that even border on mushy.  I thought the "income tax deduction" reply was funny; I like sarcasm.  It's not that I don't like being a parent, it's just that it's a relationship, not a role.  For example, wouldn't it be weird to post a thread "What I like about being friends with Junie."  I mean I like being Junie's friend, but I don't go around analyzing it, gushing about how great it is to know you as you live your life.  It sounds dysfunctional to me.  But maybe I'm over-analyzing it.   :laugh: )

 

:lol:

[Junie]

After doing some thinking:

 

My mom rarely spent time with us.

 

I don't like doing things with my kids.  But as I was thinking about it, I realized that I don't like doing things with groups of kids.  I prefer one-on-one.

 

I enjoy watching baseball with ds15.

 

I enjoy doing puzzles with dd5.

 

I enjoy talking about Anne of Green Gables with dd11.

 

So, I guess I'm not a bad mom after all.  I just maybe would have been less overwhelmed with fewer children.  But I love them all.  There's no way that I could choose not to have any of them.  

 

Maybe I need to figure out more one-on-one activities...  And if I can figure out a way for the house to magically clean itself, that would be a bonus.

[Another Lynn]

:lol:

 

:lol:   That's not quite what I meant to say.  Probably a sign I should stop posting and get to work on something!   :laugh:

[Junie]

:lol:   That's not quite what I meant to say.  Probably a sign I should stop posting and get to work on something!   :laugh:

 

I thought it was great.  :)

[prairiewindmomma]

I need 4-6 attractive matching baskets for additional storage over our kitchen cabinets. Where do I get them?



:leaving:

 

lost Slache's quote box....

 

I purchased some nice wicker ones from Target that are wider braid seagrass or water hyacinth (can't remember which).  You would have vacuum or brush them to clean them, but I've had mine for a few years now and they still look great.  They are rugged enough that they are actually functional as opposed to decorative.  Target also has some lovely wooden ones with chalkboard sides.

 

IKEA's baskets and bins have not held up for us as well. We have several varieties. They are fine for sitting on a shelf, but if you want to regularly access and use the baskets/bins, I'd go with something else.
SaveSave

[KrissiK]

Well, he hasn't figured it out because honestly, you haven't given him the chance. You are taking it out his hands before he has the chance to read it and determine if the contents are suitable. (Your right as a parent, just saying.). Sometimes kids have to actually read it to understand what parents know at a glance. Granted that can't be undone once read. However, the forbidden fruit is always more tantalizing when it is mysterious.

My aunt let me borrow one of her trashy "romance" novels once. Mom found it and threw it in the wood stove before I could read it. All that did is tell me it was something worth reading. I read the whole series at my aunt's, just because she did that.

ETA: I'm confident your discussion with him will glean better results than the route my mom chose.

 dh did a good job talking to him. Really trying to get him to evaluate the worth of this stuff. I told him that if he wouldn't feel comfortable reading this with his youth director at church (who is an average 24 year old man) then he probably shouldn't be reading it. And I read some trashy stuff when I was in junior high, too, regretfully so. Kids were passing it around school.  

Good Wednesday Morning!

 

I think Ikslo makes a good point.  And maybe it comes down to trust?  Sometimes (especially with tweens / early teens) it's hard to know if we're ready to trust their conscience vs. still need to help mold it, or something in between - and I think for me, navigating that was hardest with the first one.    I wonder if he would be as interested in the YA books if you offered to read it aloud to him.   :laugh:   Sort of kidding, but sort of not.  But watching or reading something with a dc gives opportunity for discussion and might be better than a flat out no.  And I suppose I would have different advice depending on how bad the content was, and what the child's attitude was.  But if it's possible to give leeway, trusting a child can go a long way towards helping them grow in responsibility.     :grouphug:

 

  

So, after re-reading your post, I think mine was possibly out of line for the situation.  If you'd rather I just show up with duct tape, I can do that!

 

no, Lynn, not out of line. Actually, Dh has suggested reading it with him. Personally, I'd like to get out the duct tape. Honestly, it has some mild h0m0-€r0tic stuff in it, drawn to ... er...you know. (I've told you all I'm a bit of a prude) And there's the fact that it's pictured and not just verbally described.

It's just the age-old difficulty of upholding standards in a culture that has no standards, and trying to teach those standards without beating your child over the head with said standards.

[Another Lynn]

Krissi, I would have a problem with that too.   :grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:

[Jean in Newcastle]

Krissi, 13 is a hard age because they want to do things on their own but they still don't have quite enough perspective or life experience to do so.  I think there is a developmental component too because it is tied to their critical thinking skills.  Some have those skills at that age but many don't. 

 

What I did:  Kids would bring me a stack of books at the library pre-check-out.  I would flip through them and would stack them in a "check out pile" and a "don't check-out pile".  I did not allow them to make their own decisions on this until later because I knew that they just didn't have the capacity yet at that age.  At least ds didn't.  Dd was able to a bit earlier than him. 

Edited July 6, 2016 by Jean in Newcastle

[prairiewindmomma]

We've had some discussions here about appropriate reading/viewing/listening material.  Dh doesn't "hear" bad lyrics in songs, and it's so hard to listen to anything over public broadcast aside from classical or Christian music without coming across inappropriate lyrics.  We've had minor issues with brushes in books.  I have yet to find anything redeeming in the tween section.  Ds has asked me to preselect some book series for him because there's so little in good quality literature in our public libraries.  I've been feeding them a lot of sci fi lately.

[hornblower]

I'm no help in the library.
My kids had free range at the library always. Occasionally I would say - this might scare you. If it does, just stop reading it or come talk to me. That's it. 

There's only one library shelf that I'd have trouble with and that's Dewey Decimal 220, 230 etc. 

But with screens I was way more controlling. 

 

[Slache]

Krissi, you're not a prude.

 

Junie, I agree that it's about the relationship, not the role. I love and enjoy my children but being a mom is exhausting and without relief. And I say that as someone who isn't homeschooling yet, doesn't have a chronic illness and has half as many children as you. It's okay to acknowledge the difficulties as they are not a hindrance on the love you share with your children, and your shortcomings as they were put there by our creator for the sake of your family.

[Jean in Newcastle]

I'm a much better mother than a wife. 

[JoJosMom]

:seeya: I am having a heck of a time keeping up. Consider yourselves liked, hugged, and laughed with as appropriate.

[Jean in Newcastle]

I have reached the bottom barrel of goatiness but there is no time for wicked goats to shower, it seems.  (And yes, I'm posting here but I'm also eating my breakfast and I can't do that in the shower.)

[prairiewindmomma]

Have we lost Mary and Ellie to the sea? There are a number of people I haven't "seen" here lately.

[Jean in Newcastle]

Have we lost Mary and Ellie to the sea? There are a number of people I haven't "seen" here lately.

 

Mary popped in yesterday? the day before?  Something like that. 

[JoJosMom]

Krissi:  The teen brain is weird.  They go from a highly active cortex during decision-making to a highly active amygdala, which makes them prone to impulsive and weird choices.  If you google "the teen brain", you'll find scads of material.  I spent YEARS prosecuting juveniles and the training I received on the oddity of the teen brain was highly illuminating (And comforting, too. They really are different and have a hard time with decision-making.[And obviously there is a high degree of individual variation, too.])

 

As for the content you found, I'm in the "Oh, HECK NO" camp. 

Edited July 6, 2016 by JoJosMom

[Junie]

 

Junie, I agree that it's about the relationship, not the role. I love and enjoy my children but being a mom is exhausting and without relief. And I say that as someone who isn't homeschooling yet, doesn't have a chronic illness and has half as many children as you. It's okay to acknowledge the difficulties as they are not a hindrance on the love you share with your children, and your shortcomings as they were put there by our creator for the sake of your family.

 

Thank you.   :001_wub:

[Junie]

Krissi, 13 is a hard age because they want to do things on their own but they still don't have quite enough perspective or life experience to do so.  I think there is a developmental component too because it is tied to their critical thinking skills.  Some have those skills at that age but many don't. 

 

What I did:  Kids would bring me a stack of books at the library pre-check-out.  I would flip through them and would stack them in a "check out pile" and a "don't check-out pile".  I did not allow them to make their own decisions on this until later because I knew that they just didn't have the capacity yet at that age.  At least ds didn't.  Dd was able to a bit earlier than him. 

 

This is basically what I do, too.  

 

A few years ago, ds15 checked out book after book about Hitler, Mussolini, Stalin.  Dh and I joked about giving him credit for a class that we would call "Bad Guys in History".  I asked ds15 why he was checking out all of these books.  He said it was because I wouldn't let them read them when he was younger.

 

He loves history and had already read plenty about Washington, Lincoln, etc., but he loves reading about war and I was not prepared to have intense discussions on Hitler and the Holocaust when he was 7 or whatever.

[Jean in Newcastle]

Because of the logistics of driving 40 minutes round trip every morning now, I am no longer able to have Second Sleep.  (I do get to sleep a bit longer for First Sleep, though.)  But I am now having Second Breakfast (which is really just a continuation of First Breakfast) because I don't have time to eat all of my breakfast before dashing out the door to get ds to work. 

[Junie]

Because of the logistics of driving 40 minutes round trip every morning now, I am no longer able to have Second Sleep.  (I do get to sleep a bit longer for First Sleep, though.)  But I am now having Second Breakfast (which is really just a continuation of First Breakfast) because I don't have time to eat all of my breakfast before dashing out the door to get ds to work. 

 

Jean, I'm sorry.  I am mourning the Loss of Second Sleep on your behalf.  :(

[Susan in TN]

So, I guess I'm not a bad mom after all. I just maybe would have been less overwhelmed with fewer children. But I love them all. There's no way that I could choose not to have any of them.

 

Maybe I need to figure out more one-on-one activities... And if I can figure out a way for the house to magically clean itself, that would be a bonus.

It sounds like I might be like you - my kids also tend to be very huggy and cuddly, and sometimes I just need for people to not. be. touching. me. :D But I also think that our presence and "availability" is more important than having lots of games and fun play-time with the kids. We are with them and engaging with them a lot. Because homeschooling. :)

[Susan in TN]

Good morning, by the way.

[Jean in Newcastle]

I have showered.  You may now call me Daisy. 

[Slache]

Apparently 2 families from our old church now homeschool. The pastor was insistent that our (non-existent) children go to the church school and we would have loud discussions *ahem* about it almost every Sunday. We were close to leaving the church when we moved. It seems some of my points sunk in with 2 families, one of which would "never homeschool". Maybe he shouldn't have attacked me every Sunday and he wouldn't have lost 8 students worth of tuition! I was the only "homeschooler" either of them had ever met but I couldn't have been a testimony because we moved away when John was 2 months old. I do remember one of them asking me a lot of questions but I never would have imagined either one actually doing it. This brings me such joy!

[KrissiK]

Thanks for your remarks, JJM. (Not quoting you here!) I have seen marriages ruined by p0rn and I know that for some kids these kinds of books are gateway. I don't like books with a lot of language (though some of the books I read do have that) or violence, but that stuff doesn't hook kids.

[Susan in TN]

People are not taking this thread seriously!