Dh has a question about children & imagination, etc...

[Aubrey]

Ds7 & dd5 play "imagination." They can do it for hrs. They do it at bedtime when they're supposed to be sleeping; they do it in the car on long rides. For them, this game consists of making up things that their stuffed animals did/said.

 

Dh began to worry a few mos ago that they were doing this too much. That they were more "there" than here. I brushed him off & said it was good for them, natural, etc., but because of his concern, I began watching.

 

They DO play this at. every. opportunity. It's their first choice, & they start at b'fast in the AM & carry it through WAY past bedtime at night. It distracts them from chores & school. Because it's imagination, pretend, etc., I've been less leary of it, but now that dh has pointed it out, I do see similarities between this obsession & addictions, iykwim.

 

We recently found out that ds has been *waiting* for us to go to sleep so that they can play. His behavior has been deteriorating for weeks, so finding out that he hasn't been sleeping much (he wakes up really early) explains a lot, & is at the same time a relief & a frustration.

 

What's pushed dh to asking about it, I think, is having found them at it at naptime today. Ds doesn't take naps any more, except when he's been up late talking. We found him at it last night, so he was given a nap today along w/ dd (who still takes them). Also, he's looked a little run down the last couple of days w/ allergies.

 

So dh was reading, rocking baby, etc while I ran to the library, made dinner, etc., & finally said he thought he'd wake the dc up. Ds doesn't usually sleep more than an hr & dd not more than 2, but they'd been down for 2.5.

 

They were talking. Playing pretend. Had been at it the. whole. time. He asked ea of them independently, & they both confessed.

 

So there's the sleep/obedience issue. We've pretty much got that. We're planning to stagger bedtimes a little for now, & we're trying not to overreact. (Or, I'm encouraging dh not to, lol.) The main thing we want to know is--should this imagination thing have some limits placed on it, too? I mean, beyond "quit it at bedtime." Dh is worried that so much of it might be unhealthy.

 

TIA!

[Nakia]

My 8 and 5 yr olds play this way all day, every day. I think that is perfectly normal for their age. But I have to say, if they were staying up late to play anything, that would be considered disobedience and they would be disciplined.

[Michelle in AL]

I'm reading Surprised by Joy and teaching a class on C.S. Lewis. He did this way into his teens. His whole world outside of school was inside his imagination. I'd have to say it didn't adversely affect him. I had a niece who could tell fabulous stories at the age of 4 or 5. They were amazing! I just assume children like this have a gift for writing or something related. I would certainly not discourage it, perhaps only enforce bedtimes, rules etc.

Maybe you could reward them with one hr of uninterrupted playtime after naptime or in the morning if they are obedient about not doing this before bed/rest.

I would love to know my children's gifts (one I think I know, but it's not quite that obvious) so that I could encourage/perhaps prepare them.

[dawn of ns]

I think we tend to tag things as obsessive when we're looking at things through adult eyes. I don't think it really is. From watching my kids and my own memories it's simply a deep interest they have that they're intent on exploring. I think it's kids immersing themselves in healthy fantasy and play and if you start challenging it too much you might simply get them disobeying more in order to find ways to do it.

[fshinkevich]

With the exception of not getting enough sleep I think it is 100% normal. I mean not wanting to go to bed so they can play is normal too, haha, but of course you need to make sure they get enough sleep.

 

Personally I would encourage their imaginative play.

 

I think the separate bedtimes would be helpful and maybe you can try one of the meditation CD's like "Sleep Fairy" or something from the Indigo Dreams selection - that would play to their imagination and *may* help them sleep :)

 

http://www.sleepfairy.com/

 

http://www.indigodreams.net/cds-children.htm

 

Good Luck!

[Academy of Jedi Arts]

My first thought when reading your post....have you looked into the possibility your son may be gifted? Those are very strong signs IMO.

 

:grouphug: From another mom whose kid has never slept and for whom time out is not a punishment because she can just imagine stuff and have the time of her life.

[Nicole M]

To be honest, I'm concerned about children who are not able to do this. My instinct is that this play is evidence that your children are being raised in an emotionally safe, loving environment. Also, I think children process this world by entering "that one," the imaginary world and that they need that time, as much as they need food and shelter.

 

It is good that your husband is asking what is normal. Many parents tune out their children. But I hope he's able to let this one go.

[dragons in the flower bed]

The main thing we want to know is--should this imagination thing have some limits placed on it, too? I mean, beyond "quit it at bedtime." Dh is worried that so much of it might be unhealthy.

 

 

 

No! Doing it so much is a VERY GOOD THING. Don't stop it! This is super important practice for intellectual skills that most grown-ups dream of having. Even though it sounds backwards, the more they imagine, the more self-control they will have. Check out this story or this one.

[AndyJoy]

I don't often share this with people in the "real world" because I don't want people to get the wrong impression, but I'm sort of anonymous on here! I was the mastermind behind a very elaborate imaginative game with my sister from the time I was 6-14 and she was 4-12. The basic gist is that we were orphans living somewhere in the in the late 1800s. We both had imaginary identities that we kept for those 8 years! We played this ALL the time--on car trips, while doing chores, while walking to school, playing outside, etc. At times, we even invited close friends into our imaginary world. They were usually in awe, as they never played imagination games like that.

 

I know that this pretending helped sharpen my descriptive narrative skills. Since we often played without props, I had to speak this world into "existence." Also, we got lots of practice with memorization, as we had to remember where we had left off and what we had decided before.

 

Once, my mother worried aloud that she wasn't sure what she should think about us "pretending that I'm dead." My exasperated response (which seemed to appease her) was, "Mom, you're not dead! We aren't Andrea and Lisa in 1989--we are Eric and Elizabeth in 1889!"

 

Both my sister and I are now perfectly healthy adults. It never lead us to become obsessed with role playing games or anything like that. We never had any trouble separating our fantasy from real life. It also kept us closely bonded together until different teen interests/attitudes separated us. When we did chores together, playing our game allowed us to enjoy the time because we incorporated the work into our game.

 

As others have said, I think the obedience thing is a separate issue. I would have no hesitation in disallowing it during the hours reserved for sleep or school work. You didn't say what they pretend (or if it varies), but maybe you can give them ideas about how to incorporate chores into their game? It sure made the time pass quickly and pleasantly for us when we could do this.

[Catherine]

Two of my kids do this, one is almost 12 and shows on signs of slowing. The one who has never had much imaginary play is definitely the least happy and well-adjusted of the three. I agree that many very productive people spent long hours playing this way during childhood-Frank Lloyd Wright comes to mind. I once read that he spent hours as a child playing with german kindergarten blocks, and that even during his career as an architect, he would get out his blocks and play with them, using the shapes to inspire his creativity.

 

I would also though work on the sleep issue. Maybe spend a few nights sitting with them until sleeping, until that pattern is broken and their bodies are accustomed to going to sleep earlier.

 

Allowing time and freedom for this kind of imaginative play is one of my favorite parts of homeschooling. I absolutely love listening to my boys talking out their characters and building their creations.

[enigma]

I'm reading Surprised by Joy and teaching a class on C.S. Lewis. He did this way into his teens. His whole world outside of school was inside his imagination.

 

Charlotte, Emily, Anne, and Patrick Branwell Bronte did this, as well.

[linders]

I was like this as a kid - I had a whole imaginary world for years, only I was the only "real" person in it (much older than sibs). And I grew up to be, well, fairly normal. But I still have a hyper imagination. My two DS have imaginary play going on all the time, also - there's is a long, involved, ongoing space saga that, yes, starts at the breakfast table each day. ("So, Captain Max, any signs of the fleet overnight?")

 

I truly believe that heavy doses of TV and video games have sucked the imagination from most kids these days, and I wonder who will become our imaginative, creative scientists, inventors, innovators, and leaders in the future.

 

Tell them their characters need to rest up for the next day, and know you are blessed.

[Aubrey]

My first thought when reading your post....have you looked into the possibility your son may be gifted? Those are very strong signs IMO.

 

:grouphug: From another mom whose kid has never slept and for whom time out is not a punishment because she can just imagine stuff and have the time of her life.

 

I haven't looked into it, per se, but I know dh & I are, & I did some of my grad work in giftedness, so I tend to think ds *is,* but what--if anything--to do about it...I don't know, lol. Mostly, I try to focus on *listening* (I hadn't realized how bad I was at this until having dc!) & meeting whatever his needs seem to be.

 

Thanks for the thought. It's always a good reminder, imo. To be gentle, to remember what that age is like, to LISTEN. LOL

[Aubrey]

Y'all are very reassuring. Fwiw, *if* we had decided to limit the imagination, we'd agreed to do it by redirection rather than prohibition.

 

I guess...you hear that imagination, etc. is good, but the irl, it looks so...diiferent than we'd imagined, kwim? (Oh, that sounds funny now that I reread it!) Anyway, our dc don't watch TV & hardly any movies, & I'd associated this w/ that, but in the last yr or so, it's become...SO MUCH, kwim?

 

I really appreciate the reassurance. It helps so much to look at things w/ a fresh set of eyes sometimes!

[JennW in SoCal]

My boys did this too when they were little -- their army of stuffed animals had some amazing adventures that combined Greek mythology, Pokemon and my kids's own unfettered imaginations. Fast forward to this year when we went on a car trip and just for kicks my now 16yo and 13yo boys brought along some of their old stuffed animals. Let me tell you they were a riot as they made up the continuing adventures of these animals!! Both of them are in theater, the 13yo does improv, and I think their love of and talent in these endeavors were formed in part by all that imaginitive play over the years.

 

Can you channel the play of your kids in anyway? Have them draw pictures of their animals, write stories or dictate stories for you to write out. Let them use a camera and set up a series of shots that tells the story. We started taking photos of the animals in all the places they went -- New York City, Disneyland, Hawaii -- this stupid little squirrel beany baby now has a scrap book of its own that my oldest ds made!

 

Bed time sounds like the most important issue. Staggering sleep times definitely would help. Other than that, I don't know what to suggest. You could try putting the animals away for a period each day, but that won't necessarily work -- I remember not letting my kids take the animals along to the grocery store or movies, so they invented some technology the animals had that allowed them to "see" the action while still on the shelf at home!!

 

All in all, the rich imaginary world my kids invented was nothing but positive. There is an entire lore our family now has, a large art and video collection featuring their critters. My teen boys are still incredibly creative. My kids and I are trying to remember if their imaginary play ever interfered with life and we just can't remember! We homeschooled all along, and they learned to read, write, and do math. They slept. So somehow life progressed. Perhaps the current intensity of play at your house has something to do with adjusting to your new baby?

 

Don't know if my meandering thoughts are any help, but I thought you'd like to hear from a family that successfully lived through it.

[Mommy22alyns]

I'll chime in and say that the imaginary play sounds pretty typical too. My girls are constantly pretending something. It's actually dizzying because they change characters so often I lose track of who they are at a given time. I'll finally have Sylvia as "George" and call her that, only to have her inform me that now she's Word Girl. :001_smile: Or something like that.

 

I can relate to the sleep issue too - it's hardest for Becca to shut down and go to sleep. We have to put the girls to sleep separately or they would probably be up all night playing too.

[Carol in Cal.]

The time for imaginative play, and the lack of screen time to force that play into a certain direction, is one of my favorite things about homeschooling. In the long run, their imaginations will be much richer for this. Wait til you see their creative writing, too! Their brains are being wired richly now--so happy for you!

[Jami]

Just one thought with the sleep issues, because I agree very much with the advice about pretend play (my three live in other worlds as well). But if brother and sister can't fall asleep together, can you separate them at all? Just till one falls asleep and can be carried into another room? We used to have to do this with our girls, make one lie down on our bed until one or both were asleep and then put them back in the same room. If my oldest two shared a room, I can imagine the chatting and playing would be a problem (and fighting :tongue_smilie:).

 

So, "yes to imaginations!" And, "no to not obeying when its time to sleep." I know I have to force myself to put down books if I'm reading at night, or *my* desire to be somewhere imaginary trumps my common sense need for sleep. Then I'm a crabby mom the next morning. And children have less self-control to end something so enjoyable than I have.

 

I think your kids are creative and fun, BTW. :001_smile:

 

Jami

[Sugarfoot]

My 10 1/2 and 13 yos. do this all the time and have always done so. My husband just found a box labeled "Property of"...and then the name of one of their puppets. It didn't even phase him.:) Our house wouldn't be the same without their vibrant imaginations!

[Aubrey]

Just one thought with the sleep issues, because I agree very much with the advice about pretend play (my three live in other worlds as well). But if brother and sister can't fall asleep together, can you separate them at all? Just till one falls asleep and can be carried into another room? We used to have to do this with our girls, make one lie down on our bed until one or both were asleep and then put them back in the same room. If my oldest two shared a room, I can imagine the chatting and playing would be a problem (and fighting :tongue_smilie:).

 

So, "yes to imaginations!" And, "no to not obeying when its time to sleep." I know I have to force myself to put down books if I'm reading at night, or *my* desire to be somewhere imaginary trumps my common sense need for sleep. Then I'm a crabby mom the next morning. And children have less self-control to end something so enjoyable than I have.

 

I think your kids are creative and fun, BTW. :001_smile:

 

Jami

 

Thanks, you're sweet! It wasn't a problem until we got the loft beds!!! They only fit in the shape of an L, so guess what? They turn around & face ea other, sometimes even getting in ea others' beds, lol.

 

But, yeah, we've put G in A's room for short periods. We've got a toddler bed in there, & she & J hate being separated worse than *anything.*

 

Actually, that was my end of the argument. We need to be grateful that they get along so well & tread *really* lightly on anything that could potentially disrupt that.

 

I mean, can you imagine 2.5 hrs SO QUIET that we couldn't hear them? My sis & I would have kicked ea other off the bed long before that! ;)

 

Honestly, before we realized it was deliberate & before we realized that *this* was the source of so many behavior issues, I suggested we just leave it. When ds accidentally confessed a couple of days ago, dh was looking at ME. Eek! So this thread has been pretty vindicating. (Thanks, guys! ;))

[WTMindy]

All things in moderation. At times I have had to limit my kids' reading time. But, as long as they are doing their chores and having normal family time, and sleeping, etc....I say that imagination is a great thing (as is reading!!) But, when it affects other things that need to be done, I would limit it a bit. Not in a punitive, "You are grounded from imagining" kind of way, but in a "Save that wonderful imagination for after nap time because it is healthy to take care of our bodies" kind of way.

 

It sounds like you have wonderful kids!!

[Jugglin'5]

I agree with Mindy's advice, and want to agree with others who say that it is perfectly normal. Being able to turn it on and off somewhat is a good skill to learn. My dd12 still has to be occasionally reminded that she can't walk around in public acting out some dramatic scene that is going on in her mind with wild gesticulations and talking to herself. She needs to save it for home.:D

 

All things in moderation. At times I have had to limit my kids' reading time. But, as long as they are doing their chores and having normal family time, and sleeping, etc....I say that imagination is a great thing (as is reading!!) But, when it affects other things that need to be done, I would limit it a bit. Not in a punitive, "You are grounded from imagining" kind of way, but in a "Save that wonderful imagination for after nap time because it is healthy to take care of our bodies" kind of way.

 

It sounds like you have wonderful kids!!

[Melissa B]

My ten and eight year old do this as well. They have done it for years and don't seem to be outgrowing it at all. It drives my dh crazy when they are supposed to be doing something like cleaning the kitchen. It takes them twice as long. I have to separate them for some classes like math - or it is all they will do. They do not share a room, but will sometimes "meet up" in the bathroom - which gets them in trouble as well. :)

 

The neatest thing happened earlier this week. Whatever imaginary people or animals they were - they spoke in Latin. Much of the discussion was in English discussing what their make-believe characters were saying, but the characters were speaking Latin!!! That was the first time they had ever done that (to my knowledge.) And without any suggestion on my part. I was smiling to myself the whole day.

[abbeyej]

Typical, appropriate, good. I would only step in if they're *truly* not getting enough sleep (not just less than you would consider ideal).

[JFSinIL]

My kid sister and I, 17 months apart in age and idioglossic (we made up our own language as little kids) did this all the time.

 

On reflection - anyone who knows me might say "Red Flag! That JFS is WEIRD!" (Hi Rebecca C!) but just let me add that my kid sister is totally, boringly normal. ;-)

[lovemyboys]

It's always a good reminder, imo. To be gentle, to remember what that age is like, to LISTEN. LOL

 

is to drag out the Calvin and Hobbes books. That is one little boy who is really bright and very much into his own huge world. I :lol: -- sometimes it's so easy to take it all from an adult perspective. Ds here have hours of fun creating and imagining together.

 

ETA: Sometimes Grandpa hears something they're creating and says "hang on, mom, it's going to be a wild ride!"

[Starr]

Sleeping is always important but you will miss their adventures in a few years!!! The day my dd said," I just want to be myself!" I had to remind her she had been someone else for 5 years and it would take me a while to get used to the change. The imaginary games didn't stop for several more years. And my ds and his monkey... I do so miss all the antics monkey was up to while we were out of the house!

 

They just don't understand kids that never came up with an imaginary game to act out and play. It made it hard for visiting those media cousins.:)

[laylamcb]

My dd has always played this way, complete with beautiful British accent and imaginary creatures, fairies, etc. She also acts out many of the stories that we read, so on any given day she's Horatius at the bridge or Laura on the prairie or Boudicca on the battlefield. Sometimes ds joins in, but sometimes it's just too "out there" for him.

 

I think that her imagination is INCREDIBLE. I worry for her because I don't see the neighborhood kids playing this way much (well, not at ALL, unless they're playing with her); then I remember that she's homeschooled, so I have the opportunity to seek out other kids who do play this way.

 

Hand the girl a spoon and it's a scepter, a wand, a sword, a microphone; hand her a scarf and it's a headress, an apron, a magic carpet, a petticoat, a picnic blanket, a curtain.... I only wish that I could be so creative.

 

No advice other than to say that if y'all ever find yourselves in Northern Virginia, look us up. Our kids would have a BLAST together! :D