birchbark Posted January 28, 2015 Share Posted January 28, 2015 DH and I have been discussing the possibility the last few months. Our main reason would be for our oldest DS, who is about to enter high school, but we all have need of a better social network. We love our home and it would be very hard to move. We live rurally, 5 min from a small town and 25 min from a city of 70,000, which has only a few homeschool opportunities. We are in lovely rolling countryside, with a garden and chickens and 3 acres of lawn for the kids to run around on. It's perfect for raising young children, but. . . We have not been able to find a church. I have no good friends here despite living in the area for many years so I am pretty lonely. Our DS also has no friends here his age. He is very social, as well as type-A personality. I feel like a rural homeschool for high school may not be the best fit for him. We would like some options, but there doesn't seem to be many here. My family is from the area, but only one sibling who I am close with remains here. My widowed mom is here as well. My DH's family is 1-1/2 hrs away in a metro area. This area would of course provide opportunities and options for us, but we are not excited about the idea of living in an urban environment which is uglier where we are now, as well as more expensive. I also can't bear the thought of making a move and ending up in the same cold climate that we currently live in. I fantasize about living where it is warm and sunny, but doubt that is reason enough to uproot. We have discussed snowbirding, but that would not help with creating a support system or school options. DH works remotely, so we have the flexibility to move anywhere, really. What would you do? Stay here and try more churches and enroll DS in a bunch of online classes? Move to the nearby town of 70,000 and do the above? Move to the nearby metro area? Find a good high school and/or church in another area and move there? Is there something I'm not thinking of? Where is homeschool/private-school/good-church heaven anyway? :) *Update in #29* Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harriet Vane Posted January 28, 2015 Share Posted January 28, 2015 You love your home. You love being in the country and seeing your pretty garden and rolling countryside. Moving is expensive, and there are no guarantees of finding friends. Why not spend the moving money on gas? Find a church and homeschool opportunities a little further afield, and drive to them. It would be tiring at first, but you would adjust. Find ways to make the car time productive for the kids listening to educational CDs or audio stories, doing workbooks or other work, or even working on hobbies like knitting. All it takes is a good lapdesk and a small box in which to contain supplies. If you do find a church or a group that you love in a different area, you can always move later to be closer if you want. For now, there is too much uncertainty to just guess at the best place to go. 8 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hellen Posted January 28, 2015 Share Posted January 28, 2015 There are plenty of places to have a great yard. I would move. Being military, we move around a lot. I can tell you that the life I build and the people I meet are one of the most important predictors of happiness. There are some places where it has been easy and some places where it never happened. Every area we have lived in has been pretty in its own way but the ones I remember fondly had the people I connected with. Just FYI, good housing is high on the list as well. I learned that the hard way. I can't say where you should move. Make as wishlist of what you need and research extensively. Then hope for the best. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mergath Posted January 28, 2015 Share Posted January 28, 2015 I'd be inclined to move to the metro area, if I could afford housing in a safe neighborhood and if I would have enough money left over to take advantage of all the opportunities a metro area offers. If I couldn't afford all that, I would probably just stay where I was and commute into the city fairly often for activities. I saw you mentioned which state you live in on your blog... I live in MN, if you want to discuss specific areas in the region. ;) 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SebastianCat Posted January 28, 2015 Share Posted January 28, 2015 I would spend more time identifying where you want to end up before moving. I'd think about driving farther to find a church and activities, THEN moving closer to those, rather than moving first, then looking. I would hate to go through the expense and hassle of moving, only to find out you are on the opposite side of town from where you really want to be. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DawnM Posted January 28, 2015 Share Posted January 28, 2015 I would move for sure. This is a huge reason we are moving, although we do drive to the city for every little thing we do right now and do have friends there and a good homeschooling network. But we live too far out and people are very important to me. I have to have a good church and good friends and a good network. I am not an introvert and I am 100% not a loner. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nevergiveup Posted January 28, 2015 Share Posted January 28, 2015 Home is where you hang your heart. If your current house/location isn't meeting up with what you need, then move. You need to be the one to list priorities--what is the most important thing you need for you and a happy future. My priorities are vastly different--I would never move based on your description of your current location, but that is because all the things you list as missing do not appeal to me. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Carrie12345 Posted January 28, 2015 Share Posted January 28, 2015 I love the area I'm in, but it was very isolating for a long time. If we had had the resources to move, I would have jumped on the chance to be closer to a strong network. I would NOT have been willing to move into a real metro area though, just comfortable driving distance. We've been fortunate that homeschooling activities have really boomed in the past year or two. That means about a half hour driving to each activity and an hour for one full-day, weekly activity. I still wouldn't mind moving a little bit closer, but it would have to be for an incredible house/property. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scootiepie Posted January 28, 2015 Share Posted January 28, 2015 Is the school local to you not an option? Just throwing that out there because you mentioned putting him in HS as a possibility. I would not move just to get plugged in unless you have exhausted opportunities near you, starting with your local small town, and then the larger one near you. I don't think 25 minutes is too far to go. I grew up in a small town (~3000 pop) and always had plenty of friends, but it revolved around the local school. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catz Posted January 28, 2015 Share Posted January 28, 2015 I am also in MN. I live in a large metro area, smack in the middle of it. My neighbors have chickens and I can walk to see horses and hike wooded trails. I think many metro areas have lovely areas and amenities if you know what you are looking for when you buy. Personally, I love living in the city and if you are talking about the metro are I live in, the homeschool opportunities are overwhelming. I have an extroverted 8th grade boy too. But if you are very introverted and are enjoying your quiet life, I might just send the oldest to high school. If you move, getting into communities, finding resources, and making friends does require effort and time. If tackling a new community sounds more like a chore than an adventure, that is something to consider. If you specifically have questions about the Mpls/St. Paul area feel free to PM me. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Another Lynn Posted January 28, 2015 Share Posted January 28, 2015 I think it comes down to warmer climate vs. closeness to family, and in our case, closeness to family won. We're halfway between a town of ~50,000 and a city of ~250,000 (maybe bigger). We drive 35-45 minutes to just about every thing we do. Sometimes we get lucky and it takes less time, but you can't count on that. We drive a lot. After searching for a church for years, I have no confidence that a move would supply what I think is missing in most present day churches in America. JMHO. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
texasmama Posted January 28, 2015 Share Posted January 28, 2015 I am surprised to find myself in the minority here, but I would not move. Your son's adolescence will pass quickly, and then you will have made a move that may or may not suit you long-term, at some expense and trouble. In your shoes, I would either seriously consider a local school for him or find an activity that is serious and involved that he loves (competitive sports, Scouts, drama) and drive to it. We are semi-rural, and my boys are involved in a basketball league which provides the majority of their social opportunities. They do have each other, and we attend a co op, but the basketball team is a huge part of their lives. We end up driving 30 minutes to an hour each way three or more times a week for practices and games. Not everyone has homeschool-friendly activities like this in the area, but most areas have something if you look high and low. Also, for some people that amount of driving is just onerous - in which case moving for one child's needs for a few years time might be best. You sound so happy at your home and like it is a good long-term fit for you and your family but not a good short-term fit for your teen. 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
texasmama Posted January 28, 2015 Share Posted January 28, 2015 Where is homeschool/private-school/good-church heaven anyway? :) Texas. :) (Tell me you are shocked by this answer. ;) ) So if you MUST move, move to Texas. End of story. 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HollyDay Posted January 28, 2015 Share Posted January 28, 2015 I'd follow the money. What would a move do to your finances? Are you close to paying off your property now? Can you afford what you want in a different area? How will the rest of budget be affected (groceries, fuel, insurance, etc)? Are you sure you can get what you want in life from this new area? What about dh's job? Can he commute? How will a move affect his work and his life? Is it possible to "test the waters." I know 90 minutes of driving one way is not a good idea. But would it be possible to join a co-op or some such group and go to the area a couple times a week? Can you visit prospective churches? Maybe even stay with in laws a few weekends and check things out. A larger area provides more opportunity but not necessarily success. There are more people to meet, but that doesn't promise friendships. There might be more church options but again, not the promise of finding what you want. Are you considering public school for your high schooler? What are the schools like? Is it an environment you would want? 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jerico Posted January 28, 2015 Share Posted January 28, 2015 I'd find a good church somewhere first and then consider moving. We're in the same boat but no job flexibility so my husband cannot work from home and cannot just up and move (but oh! Have we tried!) 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
birchbark Posted January 28, 2015 Author Share Posted January 28, 2015 To clarify a couple things: we would not move until we FIRST found the church/school/homeschool network. We won't move and then hope we can find what we need. We already have friends, family, and knowledge of homeschool groups in the metro, which is why we are considering it. And that's the ONLY reason we're considering it. :) Although our DS's needs are the most urgent, ALL of the family is suffering from a lack of support/fellowship. The other kids are still a little oblivious, but their need for friends will grow. DH and I have been longing for a decent network for YEARS. We have been trying to scrape up opportunities for a long time. We have started Bible studies, signed up for TKD, planned events at our home, and tried a couple different churches for a decent length of time. We can keep trying, but at some point there needs to be some results. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
birchbark Posted January 28, 2015 Author Share Posted January 28, 2015 If I'm following correctly, you didn't really elaborate on this other town. I would like to know more about that town and what would stop you from going there. Also, what would you do with the chickens if you moved to a metro area? I would probably live on the outskirts of the metro area if I went that close to it. That way you could have a better chance at a yard and a "pretty" home. There just doesn't seem to be many options in the other town. We are plugged into the homeschool community but they don't offer much besides choir and bells (which we are doing). I'm not worried about the chickens. I just threw in that detail as a description of our current lifestyle. (I'm chuckling as I remember a scene from Meet Me in St. Louis.) Living on the outskirts of a city is what I would prefer too. It just ups the cost. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
birchbark Posted January 28, 2015 Author Share Posted January 28, 2015 Is the school local to you not an option? Just throwing that out there because you mentioned putting him in HS as a possibility. Public school is not an option. And there are no private high schools in the 70,000 town that are um, non-denominational. I like the idea of a good private high school but again, it would mean a major move. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
birchbark Posted January 28, 2015 Author Share Posted January 28, 2015 I'd follow the money. What would a move do to your finances? Are you close to paying off your property now? Can you afford what you want in a different area? How will the rest of budget be affected (groceries, fuel, insurance, etc)? Are you sure you can get what you want in life from this new area? What about dh's job? Can he commute? How will a move affect his work and his life? Is it possible to "test the waters." I know 90 minutes of driving one way is not a good idea. But would it be possible to join a co-op or some such group and go to the area a couple times a week? Can you visit prospective churches? Maybe even stay with in laws a few weekends and check things out. A larger area provides more opportunity but not necessarily success. There are more people to meet, but that doesn't promise friendships. There might be more church options but again, not the promise of finding what you want. Are you considering public school for your high schooler? What are the schools like? Is it an environment you would want? We are spoiled in that we live in an area with a low cost of living. Anywhere we could move where there would be people would require a hit in finances. We could swing it, but it would cost. DH works remotely from home, so we have complete flexibility as far as that's concerned. Yes, it is possible to test the waters. We have even discussed renting out our house and renting in another area to try it out. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
birchbark Posted January 28, 2015 Author Share Posted January 28, 2015 After searching for a church for years, I have no confidence that a move would supply what I think is missing in most present day churches in America. JMHO. I'm afraid I agree with you. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
birchbark Posted January 30, 2015 Author Share Posted January 30, 2015 Thanks for all the input. DH and I are having lots of discussions. It is comforting at least that there are other people who know what it's like to feel isolated. :) 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kroe1 Posted January 30, 2015 Share Posted January 30, 2015 This is a toughie. Now that I am in the caring for parent years (it has lasted longer than raising the kiddos years), I would wonder if your mother would be mobile also. Does she already have an established network of friends? We did the opposite. We had a great church and friends in an Arkansas town. We moved to an artsy Florida resort for the weather and culture, After 7 years, we still have not established a network of good friends. We have tons of acquaintances, but no one we could call if we had a bad day. In exchange, we are outside in gorgeous weather every day of the year and have a beautiful, tropical yard. DD14 has had performance opportunities she never would have had back home. But, we are all a little lonely. I love the outdoors and weather so much, I am willing to sacrifice the deep friendships for now. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jasperstone Posted January 30, 2015 Share Posted January 30, 2015 Texas. :) (Tell me you are shocked by this answer. ;) ) So if you MUST move, move to Texas. End of story. My bestie lives in Texas, and I miss her so!!!! :'( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J-rap Posted January 30, 2015 Share Posted January 30, 2015 That's a tough decision. It's sounds like you're all lonely for more social life. Ours geographical situation was similar to yours. (Our kids are older now.) Very small town, 40 minutes away from the "bigger" town where more was happening, and 2.5 hours away from a major metro area. My kids would have gone crazy if they didn't have enough to do as teens. But growing up in a small town has so many sweet advantages. We were lucky in that my kids were able to take part in extra curricular activities at the local PS. They got involved in sports, theater, music, speech, and more. These activities were a huge part of their teen years. They also had part-time jobs in the downtown where they got to meet and talk to people every day (and it was also a hang-out for young people), and were in 4H. Is anything like this possible for your son? We also found two other homeschool families in our town whose children were almost identical ages to our own. We really enjoyed each other (moms too :)) and we got together with them regularly. I can see that if you have none of that, it could be a lonely, boring time for your son. I do know that it can take several years to feel at home in a small town, but it sounds like you've been there several years already. Did you initially see yourselves living there forever, retiring there, etc? Or did you see it as only a phase? We did do a trial year ourselves in the metro area 2.5 hours away. (While keeping our home.) We did some really fun stuff there, and the kids participated in some neat activities. We did decide to return to our home after the year, but our kids were able to stay connected with the main groups they had become involved with in the metro area, and we traveled there once/week for several years. So, no answers, just different things to think about. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
imagine.more Posted January 30, 2015 Share Posted January 30, 2015 We're considering relocating for very similar reasons. We love our house but it's in a very tiny city 2+ hours from any major cities and further isolated by mountains on all sides. Our decision will likely be made by finances honestly, whichever way we go. We'd love to move within 30 minutes of a major city but get 1 acre or more ideally to have a bigger property. Mostly we're looking for more connections with people, better school options for our oldest, and more of a homeschool community for our younger ones. But for your situation since your DH has firm employment no matter where you live and you have already been driving to a more metro area for things I'd try the move. I think renting for 1 year and renting your house out might be the best option that way you can test out the waters and if you absolutely hate it then you can backtrack no harm done. But if you find you love it that gives you time to really find a house and property in the new place that has many of the features of your old home. If you want to keep your chickens you'll want to just outright buy though. I'd look up backyard chicken ordinances in the city and see if you'd be able to keep chickens if you got a home there. We live in a small city and the laws don't mention chickens so we're able to legally and happily keep 5 hens in our backyard. Our neighbors love them and we love them too, it brings a bit of the country feel to our tiny yard (as in about 1/10 of an acre). You very well might be able to keep certain aspects that you like from your current home if you can find a home with a pretty yard that allows you to keep the chickens and create a nice garden. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
birchbark Posted March 5, 2015 Author Share Posted March 5, 2015 UPDATE: At this point we are not going to pursue a move to the city. When we discussed it with our oldest DS, he was not against the idea, but neither was he enthused. Also when DH and I made recent trips there with our eyes open to the possibility of it becoming our home, we just could not get excited about it. Especially when we considered the large cost-of-living increase. We have beat the bushes a little more around here. We discovered a CAP squadron in the small city that meshes well with our DS's interest in aviation. We also found some work for him on a local farm. I think these opportunities along with a couple online classes will really help round him out. Our family has also begun visiting some different churches. Last month DH and I spent a week in Lake Havasu City, AZ, where my aunt and uncle snowbird. We l o v e d it! Weather was perfect, small, friendly city (full of retirees! My aunt called them Q-tips), and there was a lot to do. We are going to try snowbirding there with the family next winter for a couple months. I think that will really help us enjoy our current location more. So if any of you are homeschoolers in LHC, pm me! We will be keeping an eye out for a small property near the local small city. We weren't sure shaving 20 minutes off our drives to town would be worth a move, but building has been a dream of ours for years, and we might do it for a custom home. We are holding the possibility loosely, just seeing where things lead. We can be happy here, using the money we might have used in the city for opportunities, as some posters suggested. Thanks again for helping us think through this! 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted March 6, 2015 Share Posted March 6, 2015 Thanks for the update! It sounds like you have thought it through and have made the best possible decision for your family! :hurray: 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TammyS Posted March 6, 2015 Share Posted March 6, 2015 We love our home and it would be very hard to move. We live rurally, 5 min from a small town and 25 min from a city of 70,000, which has only a few homeschool opportunities. We are in lovely rolling countryside, with a garden and chickens and 3 acres of lawn for the kids to run around on. It's perfect for raising young children, but. . . I read somewhere that one of the biggest predictors of overall happiness is the aesthetic appeal of where you live (both the dwelling itself and the area). Given that you like where you live already, I would only consider a move if you find somewhere you like just as much. And I know this will sound selfish, but your child will leave and go to college (or something) and you will have given up a place you love for someone who was only ever going to be there temporarily. I don't think that makes sense. I think it makes more sense to put extra time/money into driving him to more things and people (and exploring other ways for him to get around, like bike/scooter) than to give up what you love. You could also spend money sending him to camps and such. If he's old enough, maybe he'd even like to work at a camp. He could gain job experience, money, and friends all at the same time. Unless the place that you choose feels like an upgrade to YOU, don't do it. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alicia64 Posted March 6, 2015 Share Posted March 6, 2015 Military aside, most of us are not used to moving. We've done it twice now and both times were rough. Both areas were lovely and yet moving is a huge upheaval emotionally. It is not a little thing -- and military folk are not the ones I'd listen to because they're so "good" at it, if you know what I mean. They've had a ton of practice. I'm not saying don't move, I'm just saying that unless it's in your personality to take it on, it's not usually "one big adventure." Even in the best of circumstances it can be very lonely and take months or years to acclimate. And I wonder why I'm not invited to any parties. Alley 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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