I toured a preschool today, still conflicted

[wintermom]

Honestly, this depends on the kid. I don't know that I needed school at that age.

 

My own kids needed other adults and other kids. I can't describe it. They thrived on that input, on that variation, the other kids. They needed that. I mean, maybe I just suck and if I were more extroverted, more patient, more energetic, more consistent, they would be fine.

 

You really can't say what every family needs or what every kid needs.

 

Really? At age 3 or 4 years old you felt that they had a higher need for other adults on a daily basis than their parent? They needed having to get up, dressed, fed at a certain time, packed out the door to spend time with a room full of strangers for hours at a time everyday? They needed to slap paint on paper, sing songs, trace letters, mess around with play-dough every week to make their pre-school years memorable?

 

I guess my idea of what young children need differ.

[Mom22ns]

Really? At age 3 or 4 years old you felt that they had a higher need for other adults on a daily basis than their parent? They needed having to get up, dressed, fed at a certain time, packed out the door to spend time with a room full of strangers for hours at a time everyday? They needed to slap paint on paper, sing songs, trace letters, mess around with play-dough every week to make their pre-school years memorable?

 

I guess my idea of what young children need differ.

 

Well, my kids got up, dressed, and ate at regular times anyway. Jumping in the car was a fun thing not a problem and the room was only full of strangers the first day after that it was full of friends. Paining, singing, tracing letters and playing with play-doh didn't make the preschool years memorable. Dd almost 15 will still tell you about her best friend from preschool, their field trip where they rode the bus together, and she remembers preschool with joy, very few specifics, just joy. It was the friends not the activities that were important.

 

We are rural. Her brother has autism and was not much of a playmate at that age. I am an introvert and she was a people person. Preschool was dd's happy place. She loved her family. We baked cookies and did art and made messes at home. She needed people. More than just us. 

 

I guess my idea of what young children need is just big enough that it can be different for every child and for every family. I see no need to criticize anyone for looking for what will work for them even if it was never what you wanted or needed.

[Tsuga]

wintermom, no. I actually wanted to homeschool. When my children were 1 and 3, I thought, "This will be great. We'll just cuddle up and read books, and I'll make play-dough, and we'll do Duplo and go to the park."

 

I had a bunch of Montessori toys and art supplies. I cooked everything from scratch. I had the Well Trained Mind all read and was slowly accumulating books to prepare for the parrot stage. I was so excited to be able to free my babies from the boredom I endured in school.

 

After all, I didn't like school. I didn't need another face in mine all day.

 

How would it be possible that my own children would really, really want, and indeed, need to be around a group of children from morning to night? What kind of idiot would think that? I didn't need that. So OBVIOUSLY my children wouldn't. They would just be like me: early readers, heads in books, enjoying swinging on the swings.

 

DUH. How had can it be?

 

But then my children got personalities.

 

The first one was easy. She was very verbal, and at 18 months, said to me, and I will never, ever forget this:

 

"Where are the other kids? When can I go see the other kids like me?" She would ask to go to school daily. She wanted a teacher. When introduced to other adults, even though we never spanked and never yelled, she begged to be around them, and to stay with them. "Why can't we all be together in a big group?" she asked.

 

I sent her to school at 30 months. She has never complained. She wakes up on Saturdays asking to see friends and go to school. She talks about school all the time. You don't know this kid--she loves school. She loves the interaction. I know not all kids are like her, but many are. She loves her teacher. She will do anything her teachers ask her to do even when she does nothing for me. It's remarkable. She loves the activities. She loves her desk. She hates staying at home. She can read, do Lego, etc. but she prefers to do this in a setting with others. She prefers to get feedback from at least 5 adults per day (so that if she does not, we end up getting in fights because she tries to get me to express too many contradictory opinions).

 

And then child number two. I was already kind of enjoying having a kid in school, but then the second child seemed more like me. Finally, I'd get my little introvert. I'd enjoy my child and we'd read the comics and do crosswords.

 

But here's the thing. She's competitive. Like, really competitive. She LOVES competing. She wants a grade. She loves school. When I offered to homeschool she told me, "But then I would only know you and I want to be the best of EVERYBODY." I explained that you didn't have to go to school to do that. (This kid is three at the time, mind you.) But no, she wanted to be in school. "Like sissy. With a desk. With lots and lots of friends. And I win."

 

You haven't spent summer with my children. They wake up and leave the house at 9 a.m. (not allowed earlier) to search for other children. And then they spend the entire summer, every minute of free time, organizing activities with other children. They make clubs. They organize classes. I have never met such extroverted children, to be honest, except perhaps the neighbors across the street, who, fortunately, bring their own energy. My children have actually asked random adults to organize activities with them so that they could have an adult leader. How insane is that?

 

Among their feats are a drama club, an obstacle course, a biking club, a marathon club, a reading club, and a dog-raising club in which they recruited other children to play doggy. (Not all of this was their idea, of course: they did it with the neighborhood kids.) They spend approximately every hour (when not in camp) with at least five other children and when they were alone they'd be out searching for companions within a half an hour. We do have quiet time, of course, but it has to be enforced.

 

Tell me to keep those kids with mama and I'll tell you, you keep those kids in the house with small groups. You try. Enjoy it. Enjoy truly knowing a real extrovert, enjoy the constant need for stimulation. I felt like I was constantly trying to be 20 people for them. It was not just hard, it was stupid. You know why? Because right down the street we have this place that does everything my kids could want socially, in a really great way. It's called public school. We had preschools when they were young: wonderful places where my children got 90% of their sensory diet and 80% of their social diet fulfilled so mom could focus on just loving and not on reacting to unmet needs.

 

I believe homeschoolers when they say their children NEED to homeschool.

 

Please believe me when I say, my own children NEED school.

 

I'm not saying all kids need it.

 

I'm saying that some kids need it.

[SeaConquest]

Yup. My oldest LOVED preschool. And he LOVES going to his charter school classes. We only homeschool because of his acceleration. My kids are total extroverts. Me, not so much.

[Storygirl]

I didn't go to preschool myself and never saw the need for it. And then I had four children very close together. One year I sent the two three year olds and the four year old to preschool three mornings a week, so that I could spend uninterrupted time with the six year old. It was a good decision for us, and it didn't harm any of the kids one little bit.

 

it's okay to make this choice for your family. It's even okay if you are doing it mostly for your own benefit (to reduce the stress of trying to juggle everything with so many kids 24 hours a day). It's even okay to do it if you have generally been an anti-preschool person previously. And if it turns out not to be okay, you can stop.

 

I would ask about their drop off and pick up procedures. The preschool we went to had everyone pull the car up to the door to load and unload instead of each family bringing the children inside. Sitting in the car in that pick-up and drop-off line added at least fifteen minutes to the process. If I wanted to be first in line, so that I could get out of there fast, I had to arrive ten to fifteen minutes early. If I ended up farther in back of the line, I would have to wait ten to fifteen minutes for my turn. This process was good for us in other ways, but it was not a time-saver. It did interrupt the time that I had for the things we wanted to do at home, so I had to take it into account.

[Reefgazer]

Do you honestly think that getting a kid up, dressed, and fed is *that* much of a difficult chore?!?!  It's a normal day at our house, even with homeschool, and happens by 7:30-8:00.  Hopping into the car (or in our case, a stroller) wasn't that big a production, either.  Really. 

Really? At age 3 or 4 years old you felt that they had a higher need for other adults on a daily basis than their parent? They needed having to get up, dressed, fed at a certain time, packed out the door to spend time with a room full of strangers for hours at a time everyday? They needed to slap paint on paper, sing songs, trace letters, mess around with play-dough every week to make their pre-school years memorable?

 

I guess my idea of what young children need differ.

 

[Runningmom80]

Really? At age 3 or 4 years old you felt that they had a higher need for other adults on a daily basis than their parent? They needed having to get up, dressed, fed at a certain time, packed out the door to spend time with a room full of strangers for hours at a time everyday? They needed to slap paint on paper, sing songs, trace letters, mess around with play-dough every week to make their pre-school years memorable?

 

I guess my idea of what young children need differ.

Mine absolutely did/do. And they are thriving with their new Montessori mom. ;)

[AHASRADA]

Do you honestly think that getting a kid up, dressed, and fed is *that* much of a difficult chore?!?! It's a normal day at our house, even with homeschool, and happens by 7:30-8:00. Hopping into the car (or in our case, a stroller) wasn't that big a production, either. Really.

 

 

 

 

That's wonderful that you have a morning routine that works and is easy for your family. But, yes, having to get my 4 year old up, dressed and fed to get to preschool at 8:15 would be a deal breaker for me.

 

We have our own routine that works for us. It involves quiet mommy time in the AM before anyone wakes up for me to exercise and have a peaceful breakfast while reading these boards. It involves leisurely snuggles and cuddles from the whole family when dd4 groggily makes her way down the stairs at 8:30 or 9am, followed by the "Good Morning" song and building with blocks until she feels ready for breakfast.

 

I have no desire to turn my AM into a frantic rat race in order to conform to someone else's schedule. That's one of the benefits we enjoy by homeschooling. If the cost benefit analysis worked out differently, we would make a different choice. For our family, right now, no, it wouldn't be worth it.

 

[katilac]

Maybe just so they have their own thing. Time for them to have fun, be kids. Right now, our mornings are spent doing the 3 R's...intensive reading and math instruction, AAS, etc. My preschoolers can sit with us and do workbooks, playdoh or whatever, but I feel like I'm pulled in 5 different directions (while the 1 yr. old plays in the toilet and sucks toothpaste) and I'm constantly feeling like they are getting the short end. I just thought if they could have a few hours to have their own thing, they'd be so tickled...and I could just get those intensive subjects done with the olders, and then give them some loving and cuddling when they get home. We'd all be refreshed? This homeschooling this is just SO hard, and I need to alleviate some of the pressure. I feel like I have a small window do opportunity here-and the Montessori program is 2 minutes away instead of 5, and I'd hate to regret not giving them what could be really amazing for them.

 

I really think you should try it, as long as you can withdraw without severe penalties. It wasn't worth it for me, as far as gaining extra time, but that varies by person. And I think you will feel guilty if you don't try it. It's not a permanent decision. It's not boarding school. 

 

 

Really? At age 3 or 4 years old you felt that they had a higher need for other adults on a daily basis than their parent?  

 

Let's be fair: she said her kids had a need for other adults in addition to their parents. Not instead of their parents. At 3 & 4, my kids were awake about 14 hours per day.  98 waking hours per week, 15 of them in preschool.

 

5,096 waking hours per year, about 570 in preschool. No need to hit the panic button; I'm pretty sure they will still recognize mom, dad, and siblings at the end of the year  :lol:

[Orthodox6]

Odd how this straightforward topic expanded to include the "Mommy Wars." (I fell for it myself in an earlier post.) Hope it has been reinterred where it belongs! :>)

[Tsuga]

Do you honestly think that getting a kid up, dressed, and fed is *that* much of a difficult chore?!?!  It's a normal day at our house, even with homeschool, and happens by 7:30-8:00.  Hopping into the car (or in our case, a stroller) wasn't that big a production, either.  Really. 

 

I think she has a child that would not benefit from school on top of a rich home environment, so the child isn't as enthusiastic. "Being late" "missing the song" or "not seeing so-and-so" would not be adequate motivators so it would be quite a chore.

 

So I get that.

 

And I don't think this is the mommy wars--nobody is saying that mom's shouldn't stay home or shouldn't work. I think it's great when a mom can stay home with a husband who truly values her contribution, and the same for men.

 

It's clear that those questioning pre-school have not had children like ours.

 

If they had kids like ours, they'd get it. They're thinking, "Well it's not like they won't cling to you when you leave them. The kid will resist all the way to school, it will be a chore. How can they not see that kids don't need that?"

 

They've never seen a child climb into the car, buckle up, and demand to go to the school on a Saturday. They haven't seen a child jump out to greet friends and run into the school before I could turn the engine off. They haven't had a child ask day after day to please go with the other children. They think we just want a break with the paint.

 

But that's not it. I love the painting part. I didn't want to go back to work--I wanted to write. I am doing this for my kids, just like many SAHMs and SAHDs are staying home for their kids. We are all doing our best.

[kiwik]

That's wonderful that you have a morning routine that works and is easy for your family. But, yes, having to get my 4 year old up, dressed and fed to get to preschool at 8:15 would be a deal breaker for me. We have our own routine that works for us. It involves quiet mommy time in the AM before anyone wakes up for me to exercise and have a peaceful breakfast while reading these boards. It involves leisurely snuggles and cuddles from the whole family when dd4 groggily makes her way down the stairs at 8:30 or 9am, followed by the "Good Morning" song and building with blocks until she feels ready for breakfast. I have no desire to turn my AM into a frantic rat race in order to conform to someone else's schedule. That's one of the benefits we enjoy by homeschooling. If the cost benefit analysis worked out differently, we would make a different choice. For our family, right now, no, it wouldn't be worth it.

It sounds lovely and it might with ds5. Ds7 would have been awake since 6 and would need a trip to the park by 10 anyway. As I start work at 8.30 to 9.00 it has never been an option.

 

I am finding it hard to accept though that while my kids like the occasional day off the actually both enjoy school at this point.

 

I don't have any problems with academics for 5 year olds as 5 year olds her start school on their birthday (or the next school day).

[Reefgazer]

And I guess they haven't seen a kid run from them and down the hall at the end of the preschool day in order to stay there (yeah, that was embarrassing....).

I think she has a child that would not benefit from school on top of a rich home environment, so the child isn't as enthusiastic. "Being late" "missing the song" or "not seeing so-and-so" would not be adequate motivators so it would be quite a chore.

 

So I get that.

 

And I don't think this is the mommy wars--nobody is saying that mom's shouldn't stay home or shouldn't work. I think it's great when a mom can stay home with a husband who truly values her contribution, and the same for men.

 

It's clear that those questioning pre-school have not had children like ours.

 

If they had kids like ours, they'd get it. They're thinking, "Well it's not like they won't cling to you when you leave them. The kid will resist all the way to school, it will be a chore. How can they not see that kids don't need that?"

 

They've never seen a child climb into the car, buckle up, and demand to go to the school on a Saturday. They haven't seen a child jump out to greet friends and run into the school before I could turn the engine off. They haven't had a child ask day after day to please go with the other children. They think we just want a break with the paint.

 

But that's not it. I love the painting part. I didn't want to go back to work--I wanted to write. I am doing this for my kids, just like many SAHMs and SAHDs are staying home for their kids. We are all doing our best.

 

[Mom22ns]

That's wonderful that you have a morning routine that works and is easy for your family. But, yes, having to get my 4 year old up, dressed and fed to get to preschool at 8:15 would be a deal breaker for me. We have our own routine that works for us.

 

Sounds nice.

 

My ds was 15 before he slept past 6:00 am without being sick. There was never such a thing as morning mommy time unless I got up at 4:30 (which I have resorted to) :svengo: . I had to make a rule that he wasn't allowed out of bed before 6:00 when he was a preschooler or he'd have woken me at 5:00 every day. For some families getting up early isn't really an inconvenience, heck it isn't even optional.  :lol:

[Susan in TX]

Yeah-and it varies with timing too. When my older two were these ages, there was no need for preschool. I made homemade playdoh monthly according to themes, I had sensory bins of beans and rice and macaroni, I spent hours and hours making and laminating games. I was basically doing preschool at home and doing it well. That was 3 kids and a whole lot of patience ago, lol! I cannot provide that for my younger kids. I.just.cannot.

 

I really don't think these things are necessary. They might be fun for some kids but kids will do just fine without all that. My pre-schoolers are/were much more interested in playing with their siblings then they are/were in doing crafts and games with me.

 

Susan in TX

[ktgrok]

For those whose kids thrived and loved preschool, how hard was it when it was time to be homeschooled, and their friends went off to school without them?

[Reefgazer]

For DD, the transition was easy.  I think this is because she is very good at creating her own fun when her friends aren't around, and because she's a joiner, she has her hands in all sorts of activities and so she is never bored or lonely.  DS has had a rockier time transitioning (I wouldn't call it a difficult time, just a bit rockier).  He misses his friends, and is often bored because he isn't very good at entertaining himself.  But we are working on that and I am also working to get him into a few more activities with other kids to keep him busy.  Oddly enough, the kid who ran away from me in order to stay at preschool is DD, who transitioned to homeschool much more smoothly.  I guess she's just more adaptable in general.

For those whose kids thrived and loved preschool, how hard was it when it was time to be homeschooled, and their friends went off to school without them?

 

[Tsuga]

And I guess they haven't seen a kid run from them and down the hall at the end of the preschool day in order to stay there (yeah, that was embarrassing....).

 

I always worried they thought I beat my kids or something. I have to bribe them home. :(

 

 

For those whose kids thrived and loved preschool, how hard was it when it was time to be homeschooled, and their friends went off to school without them?

Good question. I didn't home school for this very reason. When I saw how well they performed and behaved for their teachers, I realized quickly that the parent-child dynamic in our home was not home-school friendly, however I tried to be that parent. I don't know what was wrong with me but it just didn't work.

 

I'd take them out and have them home-school in a second if I could afford it (I have student debt to pay). I would really consider outsourcing it to another local home-schooling family if they ever asked, even once.

 

They have never asked and on the contrary, I have to tell them to stop asking pity questions to their friend who is home-schooled. The way they say it makes it sound like she's missing out. I don't want to make it hard for her mom!

[SeaConquest]

For those whose kids thrived and loved preschool, how hard was it when it was time to be homeschooled, and their friends went off to school without them?

 

This is the main reason why we choose to homeschool through a charter school. They have optional fun classes (Lego, art, Spanish, engineering, programming, music, gardening, performing arts, etc.) that my son absolutely adores. He currently schools with me 3 days per week and takes the optional classes 3 days per week. Yes, he has other extracurriculars, and some neighborhood/preschool friends, but he loves his charter classes and the built-in community of homeschooling friends that comes with it. For us, this hybrid style of homeschooling has been a total win-win.

[Reefgazer]

Now that you mention "Built in community", I realize this is the word I was looking for regarding preschool.  The kids had their own little built in community when they were in preschool  and that's what they liked about it, and I think that is what DS misses.  It's not the same as family.

This is the main reason why we choose to homeschool through a charter school. They have optional fun classes (Lego, art, Spanish, engineering, programming, music, gardening, performing arts, etc.) that my son absolutely adores. He currently schools with me 3 days per week and takes the optional classes 3 days per week. Yes, he has other extracurriculars, and some neighborhood/preschool friends, but he loves his charter classes and the built-in community of homeschooling friends that comes with it. For us, this hybrid style of homeschooling has been a total win-win.

 

[ktgrok]

Those responses sound like what I would have guessed. My 4 year old could have done free preK this year, but one, although she'd love the socialization, I don't want to set up that expectation. I am 100 percent sure we will homeschool for Kindergarten, and I don't want a fight about "real school", etc. And if I can meet her needs with homeschooling, I figure I can meet them during preschool too. But, I'm in a different scenario. My oldest is 10 yrs older, so doesn't need as much interaction during the day, and the youngest is 2, and does. Sending her to preK would be taking away his playmate. Plus, she's the easiest kid out of all of them, no way am I sending the one coorperative kid away!

[maize]

I vote you go back and tour the preschool you already toured on a regular school day, then go tour the Montessori school. Pick the one that feels like the best match to you and sign up. You'll know within a few weeks whether it is turning out as a blessing for your children and family or not, and can make the decision to continue or withdraw.

 

Sometimes we can't see how things will work out until we try, no matter how carefully we analyze a decision beforehand.

[Orthodox6]

For those whose kids thrived and loved preschool, how hard was it when it was time to be homeschooled, and their friends went off to school without them?

Not difficult in our case because the child who attended pre-school had three older homeschooling brothers. Our difficulties for her in the social realm occurred a bit later when other homeschoolers consistently shunned us on religious grounds, which is a wholly different topic.

 

Someone wondered why I referenced "Mommy Wars". Perhaps I expand the usual meaning when I do so. In my thinking, if one class of parents explicitly or implicitly ranks itself as being "a better parent" than a different class of parents", that is a "Mommy War." Usually it refers to mothers working outside of the home. In this thread, some of us detected a "better than thou" opinion against mothers who perceive positive outcomes from sending a child to preschool. That, to me, qualifies as a variation on "MW."

[LibraryLover]

I might go ahead and try it. 3 of my children attended preschool 2-3 mornings a week, and have very fond memories, and still keep in touch with some of those first friends. The teachers were dear, and there were lovely little gatherings that were quite sweet.  My kids had lots of fun. I know it sounds crazy on a hsing forum, but sometimes I feel sad my youngest didn't get to attend. lol

 

Everyone has an opinion, but you know your situation best.

[zarabellesmom]

Since this does seem contentious, I hesitate to say... As a very happy homeschool parent, I did have an absolutely fantastic experience sending both my children to the Montessori preschool near our home. I don't have a single regret. They loved it and so did I. And I don't regret bringing them home for 1st grade either. I feel like I've had the best of both worlds--a fantastic school experience and an exceptional homeschool one too.

[Meadowlark]

Since this does seem contentious, I hesitate to say... As a very happy homeschool parent, I did have an absolutely fantastic experience sending both my children to the Montessori preschool near our home. I don't have a single regret. They loved it and so did I. And I don't regret bringing them home for 1st grade either. I feel like I've had the best of both worlds--a fantastic school experience and an exceptional homeschool one too.

Yes, this type of balance is what I'd be hoping for if I sent them. Here's the thing-I heard from the director of the Montessori school today. She said it is NOT accredited but the teachers all have had training and certificates (can't remember which ones). This is a church with a childcare center keep in mind. BUT-my husband says the word at work is that there's a long waiting list for childcare. So, I found out today also that there is a waiting list for preschool because the kids that are already there for childcare get the preschool spots automatically. So they fill the preschool spots with those families first, and then from the waiting list. I have no idea where we'd be on the waiting list. This option was enticing to me because I could send him 12 hours a week instead of 15 at the other school. So now I have to inquire about the waiting list when everyone's back from break.

 

There's also the traditional school but at 15 hours, I'm just not sure. It's also 5 days a week which exhausts me even to think about. I'm researching those preschool in a box curriculums too and trying to see if I could keep them home and pay for something like that. The Learning Box, or Mother Goose Time or something. But again, it's still time and energy and money. The preschool options are time to transport, but no energy...and still money for my 3 yr. old. I just don't know what to do, other than sign up somewhere and lose the deposit if I change my mind. Clearly, I'm a little obsessed to be thinking about this on Christmas Eve!

[Storygirl]

. The preschool options are time to transport, but no energy.

 

Make sure you ask about expected parent involvement when you ask your questions. I had to sign up to be in charge of one of the annual holiday parties (I chose Valentines' Day). We also had to provide juice and snacks every so often, which was not a big deal, but was still one extra thing I had to add to my list when I was already exhausted. I had to have my kids do Valentine's Day cards for their classmates, etc. Getting them up and out the door at a certain time each day was stressful for me, though I know others may not find it that difficult (I'm not a morning person, and getting my particular kids ready to leave the house was always like herding cats, so it definitely required an effort above and beyond what was needed just for a day at home).

 

That year at preschool was fine for us. On the other hand, when it came time to sign up for a second year, I decided it was less stressful (for my own personality) to just keep them at home with me.

 

Whatever you decide, I know it will be a good choice for your family.

[Mommy_of_4]

I was considering sending my 3 1/2 yr old to preschool next fall to give her a little time out of the house and away from siblings. I quickly changed my mind though once I saw the cost. She could go to the local public school for Prek for free but I am not a fan of PS. I decided to go ahead and keep her home and invest in some more finger paints and play doh.