PrincessMommy Posted September 16, 2014 Share Posted September 16, 2014 deleting..... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted September 16, 2014 Share Posted September 16, 2014 I'm not very good at "spelling it out" when I already have sent a Big Fat Hint Bomb already. Sigh. I had to send a Spell It Out today after TWO BFHBombs last week on another issue and it took me longer to write that mail than it took me to do my dishes today. Sigh. ((((PrincessMommy))) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Slartibartfast Posted September 16, 2014 Share Posted September 16, 2014 I just add everyone and hide the people that I find annoying. If I really don't like someone I say, "I don't want to be friends." But the only people I said that to I haven't even spoken to in over ten years. I am more likely to be FB friends with someone local, we often plan play groups and meet-ups via facebook. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
displace Posted September 16, 2014 Share Posted September 16, 2014 Use my excuse, "facebook fickle". It's good for explaining many or few posts, many or few friends. "Oh, I don't check my messages", blah blah. Or you can make an excuse about being friends with his wife so you don't need them both as friends (hard to make that one sound good, though). Honestly, if you see him often at church, why would you need to be FB friends? I can't help with the annoying factor. Each of us react that way to somebody I think. GL! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
displace Posted September 16, 2014 Share Posted September 16, 2014 Also, make sure you have pretty good privacy settings so he's not able to constantly check on your page. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ethel Mertz Posted September 16, 2014 Share Posted September 16, 2014 And if you do accept his friend request, make sure your privacy settings are the same for his wife as they are for him. You could always deny his friend request and block him. Then he wouldn't be able to see any of your posts, ever, except if he goes on his wife's page. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted September 16, 2014 Share Posted September 16, 2014 You can decline the friend request. You don't have to give a reason, just click "not now." I've done that, because I like to keep my friends list short. Once I did it because I am holding a grudge. :P But mostly it's because I don't want a zillion friends. I don't know what happens on the other side when you decline a friend request. Does the person who asked get notified? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ethel Mertz Posted September 16, 2014 Share Posted September 16, 2014 You can decline the friend request. You don't have to give a reason, just click "not now." I've done that, because I like to keep my friends list short. Once I did it because I am holding a grudge. :p But mostly it's because I don't want a zillion friends. I don't know what happens on the other side when you decline a friend request. Does the person who asked get notified? The person is not notified. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rebel Yell Posted September 16, 2014 Share Posted September 16, 2014 Use my excuse, "facebook fickle". It's good for explaining many or few posts, many or few friends. "Oh, I don't check my messages", blah blah. Or you can make an excuse about being friends with his wife so you don't need them both as friends (hard to make that one sound good, though). Honestly, if you see him often at church, why would you need to be FB friends? I can't help with the annoying factor. Each of us react that way to somebody I think. GL! Don't lie- if you do click on thr mesage, the other person sees when you got it. It says right at the bottom of any of my private messages "seen at XX:XX pm" with the date. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JustEm Posted September 17, 2014 Share Posted September 17, 2014 Simply tell him you saw the requests. There is no need to explain yourself. If he inquires more simply tell him you keep your friends list low and have no desire to add more people to it currently. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kipling Posted September 17, 2014 Share Posted September 17, 2014 I think it would be fine to reply with "Thanks for the friend request, but I like to keep my facebook friends list limited to out of town family and friends and a few local friends. See you at church on Sunday." It's truthful, to the point, and friendly. If you feel compelled to add more, you could say, "otherwise my facebook feed is too cluttered, and I find it overwhelming/can't keep up/whatever." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fraidycat Posted September 17, 2014 Share Posted September 17, 2014 Do you have a lot of male friends on FB and can he see who is on your friends list somehow? Sorry, I dumped FB 4ish years ago now and am now pretty FB illiterate. Maybe you could tell him you limit "friends" to members of the same gender as yourself and male relatives only out of respect for your marriage or something. But that wouldn't really work if 9 / 10 of your FB friends are male and he can see that. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lady Florida. Posted September 17, 2014 Share Posted September 17, 2014 I think it would be fine to reply with "Thanks for the friend request, but I like to keep my facebook friends list limited to out of town family and friends and a few local friends. See you at church on Sunday." It's truthful, to the point, and friendly. If you feel compelled to add more, you could say, "otherwise my facebook feed is too cluttered, and I find it overwhelming/can't keep up/whatever." What makes that tricky is that the OP is facebook friends with his wife. OP, you can continue to ignore his requests both online and shrugging it off when you see him in person. You can tell him you're not taking new friend requests. You can approve the request then put him on limited profile or otherwise block what he's able to see on your page. If it's his prolific posting that you are concerned about, you can also limit what you see of his. Other than the above possible choices, there really isn't anything else you can do. It's an uncomfortable situation many of us have been in, and I feel for you. :( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
beaners Posted September 17, 2014 Share Posted September 17, 2014 I can't help with the Facebook issue because I am the type who would just add the guy if I knew who he was in real life and avoid the drama of ignoring him. I have no brainspace left for that kind of thing and I couldn't pull it off without being passive aggressive, so I would just click add and stop worrying about it. But I am curious, why is singing too loud a huge problem at an EO church? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PrincessMommy Posted September 17, 2014 Author Share Posted September 17, 2014 You can decline the friend request. You don't have to give a reason, just click "not now." I've done that, because I like to keep my friends list short. Once I did it because I am holding a grudge. :p But mostly it's because I don't want a zillion friends. I don't know what happens on the other side when you decline a friend request. Does the person who asked get notified? I already declined the request a few months ago. But, I know he's going to bug me until I respond. I'm just going ot have to say something. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PrincessMommy Posted September 17, 2014 Author Share Posted September 17, 2014 I can't help with the Facebook issue because I am the type who would just add the guy if I knew who he was in real life and avoid the drama of ignoring him. I have no brainspace left for that kind of thing and I couldn't pull it off without being passive aggressive, so I would just click add and stop worrying about it. But I am curious, why is singing too loud a huge problem at an EO church? because there are no instruments to drown out a loud person. They'll stand out more than a service with an organ or guitars and such. I know others have recommended to friend him and then hide all his stuff...but I just can't seem to do that. I'd rather it be one way or the other. I guess I'm black and white that way. I wonder if it's always because I can't just "be" nice to someone I dislike. I can't play it off like other seem to do. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PrincessMommy Posted September 17, 2014 Author Share Posted September 17, 2014 Don't lie- if you do click on thr mesage, the other person sees when you got it. It says right at the bottom of any of my private messages "seen at XX:XX pm" with the date. yeah, I know...that is annoying. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Orthodox6 Posted September 17, 2014 Share Posted September 17, 2014 If you are "friends" with his wife, I'll hazard a guess that this man, also, is "friends" with his own wife. [ ! ]. He can "read all about you" when you post on his wife's board. My sympathies, as you have spoken of this awkward situation before. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrsMommy Posted September 17, 2014 Share Posted September 17, 2014 I can see both sides of this. I have friend requests that I keep denying (or at least not responding to). On the other hand, one of my best friends from college (or so I thought), never approved my friend request. I sent another, thinking (hoping?) she had just never seen it. After the second one, I got the hint. It still hurts, though, and makes me feel pretty crappy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PrincessMommy Posted September 17, 2014 Author Share Posted September 17, 2014 If you are "friends" with his wife, I'll hazard a guess that this man, also, is "friends" with his own wife. [ ! ]. He can "read all about you" when you post on his wife's board. My sympathies, as you have spoken of this awkward situation before. Fortunately, with the exception of an occasional "like" I rarely post on her board or newsfeeds. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Orthodox6 Posted September 17, 2014 Share Posted September 17, 2014 Too bad you can't pull off the same bonehead response as you got from me -- when you sent me a FB request and I had NO idea who on earth you were! (Boy, were you patient with absurd me!). Any way you can lightheartedly inform him, "Only one ticket per family!" -- ? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jennifer132 Posted September 17, 2014 Share Posted September 17, 2014 I think I would friend him, give it a few weeks and then unfriend him. I don't think people are notified when you unfriend them, so he may never even notice, especially if you aren't a consistent poster. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
displace Posted September 17, 2014 Share Posted September 17, 2014 Don't lie- if you do click on thr mesage, the other person sees when you got it. It says right at the bottom of any of my private messages "seen at XX:XX pm" with the date. Oh, I didn't know this. I actually am facebook fickle and don't use it often and frequently forget messages I've seen/requests/etc. :rolleyes: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PrincessMommy Posted September 17, 2014 Author Share Posted September 17, 2014 Too bad you can't pull off the same bonehead response as you got from me -- when you sent me a FB request and I had NO idea who on earth you were! (Boy, were you patient with absurd me!). Any way you can lightheartedly inform him, "Only one ticket per family!" -- ? LOL - yeah, maybe I'll do that. The sad thing is that he's annoying in overly-friendly and pushy way (rather than being mean or rude)... I've discovered there are several people at church who want to figure out a way to kindly ask him to leave. Ugh. So yeah, his singing is causing issues. I sent him a note saying I only friend a few local friends/family - which is true. My friends list is at about 100 and I'm perfectly happy with that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Orthodox6 Posted September 17, 2014 Share Posted September 17, 2014 Just sent you a PM. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest submarines Posted September 17, 2014 Share Posted September 17, 2014 Could he have Asperger's? Hearing problems (about his singing) ? Overly exuberant? But singing loudly is a problem to the extent people want him to leave? This doesn't sound very Christian to me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PrincessMommy Posted September 17, 2014 Author Share Posted September 17, 2014 Could he have Asperger's? Hearing problems (about his singing) ? Overly exuberant? But singing loudly is a problem to the extent people want him to leave? This doesn't sound very Christian to me. I agree...I think it is their frustration with the situation. He doesn't really seem like someone with Aspergers...but he could definitely have a hearing problem. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kiana Posted September 17, 2014 Share Posted September 17, 2014 Frankly I'd friend him and then hide his stuff. I've done this with a few relatives who continually post crackpot news articles that are really easily debunked with 30 seconds of googling. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Orthodox6 Posted September 17, 2014 Share Posted September 17, 2014 But singing loudly is a problem to the extent people want him to leave? This doesn't sound very Christian to me. As OP explained earlier, Orthodox churches never are supposed to use instrumental music. The rule is for a capella music, only. If an individual choir singer has not (or cannot) learned how to sing in an ensemble, it is not "unChristian" to want him or her to refrain from singing with the choir. (If the parish has congregational singing, there is nothing to be done but endure the bad voice.) As a comparable example, if an instrumental ensemble took in a player who turned out to hit wrong notes, play out-of-turn (e.g. during pauses), or play his part super-loudly when it is supposed to be pianissimo -- such a player does not belong in the ensemble. Call it "musical common sense." As to a handful of people wishing that the man would stop attending the parish, of course that is not charitable. They may, however, feel frustrated by behaviours and personality traits that have nothing to do with singing, but with their social interactions with the man. I doubt there is a single person here who can stand up and state with pure truthfulness that never has there been at least one person whom s/he has wished would transfer to another congregation, for whatever reason(s). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seasider Posted September 17, 2014 Share Posted September 17, 2014 Block him. Seriously. If he dares ask about it in person, just tell him you are friends with his wife and she can feel free to pass along your news to him. (This coming from someone who has no qualms about unfriending or blocking folks. My FB page is my happy place and I maintain it thusly.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Word Nerd Posted September 17, 2014 Share Posted September 17, 2014 I would either block him or add him to my restricted friends list and hide him from my feed (out of sight, out of mind). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J-rap Posted September 17, 2014 Share Posted September 17, 2014 I'd probably accept him (since his wife is your Facebook friend), and then change the settings so that he can't see anything you post and you don't have to see anything he posts. Then everyone is happy. :) If his wife wasn't your Facebook friend, then I'd just tell him -- if he's persistent enough to keep asking -- that you restrict your Facebook friends to only your closest friends and family. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OhanaBee Posted September 17, 2014 Share Posted September 17, 2014 I think I would friend him, give it a few weeks and then unfriend him. I don't think people are notified when you unfriend them, so he may never even notice, especially if you aren't a consistent poster. A warning on this one: I tried it with a certain person, then discovered that that person was checking my FB wall every fricking day!! He sent me a message within 12 hours of my unfriending him to alert me to the fact that he had been "accidentally" unfriended and wanted to make sure I knew so I could get right on that. I ended up blocking him from everything and, sadly, had to unfriend and block a mutual friend of ours as well. Fortunately these people are across the country from me. I really feel for you, having to deal with this guy every Sunday [and I totally understand what you mean about him singing too loudly]. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lady Florida. Posted September 17, 2014 Share Posted September 17, 2014 (This coming from someone who has no qualms about unfriending or blocking folks. My FB page is my happy place and I maintain it thusly.) That's how I feel about facebook. I think it's why I rarely have to deal with the facebook drama that so many people (not just here at WTM) complain about. I would either block him or add him to my restricted friends list and hide him from my feed (out of sight, out of mind). She still has to see him at church weekly, and he keeps asking her about it. Blocking him would work if he wasn't someone she regularly saw in person. I agree with simply friending him then restricting what he sees (and limiting what she sees of his). That seems like the easiest way to not have hurt feelings. OP, if I'm reading it correctly you don't outright dislike they guy, he's just annoying. That's why friending and restricting him seems best to me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Slartibartfast Posted September 17, 2014 Share Posted September 17, 2014 LOL - yeah, maybe I'll do that. The sad thing is that he's annoying in overly-friendly and pushy way (rather than being mean or rude)... I've discovered there are several people at church who want to figure out a way to kindly ask him to leave. Ugh. So yeah, his singing is causing issues. That is really sad. "Make a joyful noise unto the Lord, all the earth: make a loud noise, and rejoice, and sing praise. " Psalm 98:4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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