s/o when did you know *you* were gifted / different?

[quark]

Never thought of myself as smart or gifted and was also never told such. Where I am from, schools did not run gifted programs or test for IQ. Reading chapter books by 5yo was normal in my family and no one thought much of it. My sibs were always top scorers. More than once, I've felt like I was born in the wrong family. Academically I was a very late bloomer. My heart was in the fine and performing arts but my (very traditional) parents were horrified about that and forbade me to pursue my dreams (despite the fact that I had obviously inherited my fine arts talents from them).

 

When kiddo was about 6-7yo, someone recommended that I read books about gifted kids. I was riveted by the case studies. I devoured the books and felt myself tearing up when something in the books hit so close to what I had been feeling as a child. Although I wasn't as brainy as some of these kids, other traits like SPD, sensitivity to criticism, a strong need for justice/ fairness/ accuracy etc hit so close to home that I would shut the closet door and just start bawling. I felt like I had been deprived of understanding, and that I had spent such a huge part of my life pretending so my parents could be happy but also disappointing them by not doing well in school. I made up for that somewhat in college but something huge has always been missing in my life.

 

I still don't think I am intellectually gifted. And I know I will always feel like an imposter, but it's getting easier with time and the loving encouragement of my sweet son who thinks I can do anything I set my heart on.  :001_wub:

[SKL]

Yeah, when MENSA sent me an application, I was like uh-huh.  Crazy.  I never did anything with it.

 

I don't have an astronomical IQ.  It is high enough to get into every gifted program I've ever heard of, but there's a lot of space between my IQ and Einstein.  :P  I was very surprised to learn that I was in such high percentiles in both IQ and achievement.  Weird.  Shouldn't I have been valedictorian or something?  Shouldn't I have finished high school at 12?  :P

 

A couple of times in my life after college, I was living through a rough patch, and I sincerely thought all those scores were a big mistake.  Nobody who was really smart would have so much difficulty with xyz.  In my first several months in a CPA firm, I had a manager who was so demeaning (to everyone, but I was new).  She straight out told people they were stupid.  How could I be taking so long to complete my first consolidated corporate tax return?  I must be an idiot.  Of course I felt better when I realized she was a certifiable loon.  One night during busy season she crawled under a desk and screamed at the top of her lungs.  Scary.  But yeah, I didn't have a whole lot of confidence to begin with, and it could be easily shaken.

[SKL]

Oh, but I suppose I can stop wondering now, because last week my 7yo told me I was "muy inteligente."  Personally I think that proves SHE is a genius but....

[ebunny]

Never thought of myself as smart or gifted and was also never told such. Where I am from, schools did not run gifted programs or test for IQ. Reading chapter books by 5yo was normal in my family and no one thought much of it. My sibs were always top scorers. More than once, I've felt like I was born in the wrong family. Academically I was a very late bloomer. My heart was in the fine and performing arts but my (very traditional) parents were horrified about that and forbade me to pursue my dreams (despite the fact that I had obviously inherited my fine arts talents from them).

 

When kiddo was about 6-7yo, someone recommended that I read books about gifted kids. I was riveted by the case studies. I devoured the books and felt myself tearing up when something in the books hit so close to what I had been feeling as a child. Although I wasn't as brainy as some of these kids, other traits like SPD, sensitivity to criticism, a strong need for justice/ fairness/ accuracy etc hit so close to home that I would shut the closet door and just start bawling. I felt like I had been deprived of understanding, and that I had spent such a huge part of my life pretending so my parents could be happy but also disappointing them by not doing well in school. I made up for that somewhat in college but something huge has always been missing in my life.

 

I still don't think I am intellectually gifted. And I know I will always feel like an imposter, but it's getting easier with time and the loving encouragement of my sweet son who thinks I can do anything I set my heart on.  :001_wub:

:thumbup:  for the bolded and  :grouphug:  for the rest.

[LucyStoner]

I was always tracked into the gifted program and school things were usually too easy for me. Not for sour grapes (because my scores were always quite high), I was/am extremely ambivalent about IQ scores and the gifted label. We did not tell our son he was tested as extremely gifted. We choose to focus on his work and effort and not his IQ. Personally I don't think I am particularly different and I don't care that I am gifted. Being in the gifted programs was not useful to me in the long term.

[TracyP]

I remember feeling that way, but I don't think It had anything to do with being a girl.  I grew up in a gifted family, and compared to them I'm actually not that smart. 

 

....

 

Same here. Also I grew up in a culture where gifted meant what most here (these boards) call PG. I still am not comfortable with the word/label because of this.

[Cheriwe]

I always knew that I was smarter than my peers. I didn't have to study and still got great grades. We didn't have "gifted" programs when I was in school. I took an IQ test in high school and I remember that when we got the results my teacher said that mine was good enough to join Mensa. I thought that was pretty cool, but didn't do anything with it. I had no idea what "gifted" was. I was just smart.

I grew up in a very dysfunctional family and I always knew that I was different than my brothers and sisters. I spent my youth dreaming of the day that I would graduate from high school and move away.  I didn't have a lot of really close friends because I was different than them too.  At the time I thought it was because I kept myself at a distance due to my family situation.

I didn't realize that it was due to my giftedness until I had my son tested and did some research.  I realized that I really was "different", I just didn't know why.  Looking back, it explains so much; why I didn't feel as connected to my peers and family, why any friendships I did form were not based on age, but on intellectual levels.

I have to say that now that I have some answers to my past relationships, it makes it much easier for me to understand my son.  He reminds me in so many ways. 

[shawthorne44]

I really thought that the other kids just weren't paying attention, that I tested well and that I liked to read and do logic puzzles.  Although I still think that all but the first one is true.

 

I will never forget the entire class laughing in college Russian class when I gave the answer to a question from the teacher.  I was really really trying hard.  I had studied.  I had paid attention.  The class was Russian not Spanish which other kids might have had a background in.  But, my answer/pronunciation was so wrong the class laughed.  That was my first clue that maybe it hadn't been that all the kids that didn't do as well as I were lazy.  

[zaichiki]

I never "knew."  I was always among the youngest in my grade b/c the school I started at had a later birthday cutoff than is typical.  I was nearly always at the top of my class, but I didn't think any big deal about it.  I didn't measure myself against the other kids or consider my age and theirs at all.  I just assumed I should be able to do whatever my classmates could do, and that I could do well if I focused and worked hard in my classes.  I had nearly all the same kids in all of my high school classes, as there was an honors/AP grouping of kids that seemed to go around together.  They were my measuring stick and I fit in just fine.  I grew up in a high IQ family in a big-city suburb where many people seemed to be highly educated and successful.

 

I still don't "know" b/c I have very high expectations of myself and others.  I don't feel different from my family members or friends.

 

(Background: I did have IQ testing in early elementary school.  My mother never told me my score, which is fine with me, but she did lord it over my brother in a sad way.  And she must have assumed I had a lot of potential b/c she was never proud, surprised, or impressed by anything I did academically.  An aunt did tell me, in adulthood, that my score was over 130, but she wouldn't share more b/c she didn't want me to be caught up in the numbers.  Smart woman.)

[SKL]

My mom did tell me my IQ along with those of my gifted siblings and parents when I was 13.  I think she may have decided to tell me in order to boost my self-esteem, which was very low.  It was not a braggy thing, just a matter of fact, but she explained about the percentiles and all that, so I could understand what it meant in relative terms.  I was still not the type to act like a smarta$$, but it was nice to know I had some natural talent.

[acurtis75]

My parents didn't tell us when we were kids because they said the number wasn't important. The only reason I knew the test happened was because of the g/t program. The requirements weren't published so I wasn't aware of a specific score needed.

 

I asked a few years ago when I first started learning about levels of giftedness and researching homeschool information. I was curious mostly as a reference point since we probably won't test dd. Neither of them can remember the specific score just that it was high enough to get in to the program.

 

I just realized while reading through the thread that it never occurred to me that it was odd my sisters didn't qualify for the g/t program. Since sibling IQ's are similar you would think they should have qualified. I'm pretty sure we have similar IQ's.  I suspect there might have been 2E issues that weren't identified back then. I was competitive and raised my hand a lot and communicated well which probably lead to teacher recommendation. One sister has some learning and attention issues.  My other sister was a slow moving child who came across as less intelligent. She is very smart and well above average but a teacher once told my parents that she was the slowest talking and moving child they had ever seen who wasn't challenged mentally. I suspect she spent a lot of time day-dreaming because she was bored. She was also very emotional and sensitive and didn't speak up a lot. In her mind she wasn't as smart as me but she always scored well on tests and made straight A's. 

[SKL]

When I was little, my two older brothers were "intellectual" compared to me.  One was charismatic and liked to use big words.  The other was hyper-focused on science/math, poring through college texts etc. in his free time.  I didn't really stand out as being wow in any particular way, so I figured I wasn't as smart.  I was very surprised to find out I had a higher IQ than both of them.  I'm sorry to say that after all those years of being assumed inferior, I told my oldest brother off pretty good one day.  ;)  Not sure if he ever recovered.  :P  Of course those were the days when boys were assumed to be smarter than girls period.

[Donna]

My parents did not tell me the number when I was young but when I was considering getting dd tested, my mom said something like, "What do you expect? Of course she's smart. Your IQ is ***." 

[Erin]

I was in my school's gifted program throughout elementary, but because this was back in the days of tracking (I'm 40), I just thought that was my "group."  I mean, I knew I was in the top group, but didn't realize that we were even above the upper group.  

It wasn't until 6th grade that my gifted LA teacher asked us if we knew why we were in her class.  The most common reply was "Because school comes easy?"   That's when I first heard the word "gifted" despite having been in gifted programs since preschool.  

 

I was gifted, but my brother was profoundly so.  He had to get his driver's license ASAP at 16 so he could teach computer classes at the local community college.  lol  So for me, it was never a big deal.  I was just "average" compared to my brother.   And both of my parents are brilliant, as are my aunts and uncles.  It was just never a big deal...

 

For that matter, all the Baby Boomer profs at our local state college seemed to have kids my age, and they were REALLY smart.  Like perfect ACTs type smart...  Mine was pretty high, but it sure wasn't perfect so I must not be that smart, KWIM?

 

And I didn't get all As.  I coasted because I knew I could get away with it so I never thought much of being gifted.  All it meant was that my folks were always on my case because they KNEW I was coasting.   :glare:  

[Erin]

I was always tracked into the gifted program and school things were usually too easy for me. Not for sour grapes (because my scores were always quite high), I was/am extremely ambivalent about IQ scores and the gifted label. We did not tell our son he was tested as extremely gifted. We choose to focus on his work and effort and not his IQ. Personally I don't think I am particularly different and I don't care that I am gifted. Being in the gifted programs was not useful to me in the long term.

 

I could have written this post.  I grew up with a gifted label.  Trap, OTOH, did not, though he's probably more intelligent than I.  I'm not seeing where it really did anything for me.  

 

For that matter, I'm fond of telling peers in this type of group, that the best TAG program I ever encountered was called "home" because that was just life with my folks.  

[Dicentra]

Can I join? :)

 

I've thought often about dipping my toe in the water on this board but since I haven't had my dd tested and don't know if she's gifted, I kept thinking I shouldn't.  Then I saw this thread. :)

 

I was pretty young when they started moving me around.  I remember being pulled out of my kindergarten classroom and put in the Grade 1 room.  I cried.  They sent me back. :D  Starting in Grade 1, I did split grades until Grade 3 and then when I finished Grade 3, they just put me in Grade 5.  Even after the skip, they kept pulling me out for "special" academics.  It didn't feel so special to be the different, weird one, I tell you.  I was tested in Grade 3, in Grade 7, and again in high school when I was 16.  I haven't been tested as an adult.

 

Feels weird to write that stuff.  I noticed a lot of posts on this thread are kind of self-depreciatory.  It feels like if one writes more (test scores, etc.) it would akin to bragging or something, doesn't it? ;)  It's too bad that gifted adults feel that way - like we need to apologize for who we are or play down our intelligence even as adults.  I've been reading "Gifted Grownups" by Marylou Kelly Streznewski and it's certainly been an eye opener.  I always assumed that giftedness went away as an adult - everyone evened out somehow.  Streznewski says that a common misconception among gifted adults.  The wiring stays different, though - we aren't wired the same as non-gifted grownups. :)

 

I was talking to a friend the other day after the "all children are gifted" meme showed up on Facebook again.  I told him that if those parents knew the kind of gift that giftedness was, they wouldn't be so anxious for all children to be gifted. ;) High rates of personal and existential depression, feelings of isolation, struggling to have people believe that a person can be 2E, suffering from bullying because you're just so different - sure, all of those things are a GREAT gift. :P

 

I'm so very glad I saw this thread.  Please don't feel the need to self-depreciate or apologize for your giftedness.  Share experiences, successes, struggles, or test scores. :)  It's so difficult for us to find peers sometimes - particularly if we live in rural areas or small towns - because its just statistically less likely for us to come across another gifted adult.  It's nice not to feel quite so alone. :)

 

(I hope I haven't offended anyone.  Certainly not my intention!  Please let me know if anyone find anything I've written offensive and I'll edit.  I was just so happy to find this thread and be able to share and read others' experiences. :))

[a27mom]

I think I see a common thread through a lot of these post. I remember people working very hard to "remind" us gifted kids that we weren't better than anyone else just because we were gifted. I think people worked so hard at that that they convinced a lot of people that they were actually "worse" than other people.

It is funny because I think most people who are actually gifted realize that it isn't something they have control over, that they can't take credit for their giftedness, just for what they do with it. I have to wonder if people do this to gifted athletes, singers, etc...for some reason I kind of doubt it.

[Dicentra]

This just came up through the Gifted Homeschoolers Forum on Facebook... :)

[Erin]

Personally, I'm not embarrassed or apologetic or anything...   Kind of like having to wear glasses, it's just been part me for as long as I can remember so it's simply not a big deal.  

It's one of those things that just "is," ya know?

 

And honestly, I've known a few gifted adults who come across as rather pretentious.    

I'm pretty happy to hang with the non-gifted.  ;)  

But, as mentioned, my husband/best friend is quite intelligent, my brother and parents, as well as several members of my extended family (I like to joke that I can't swing a dead cat in my family without hitting an engineer) so it's entirely possible that without that network, I would have a much different opinion.

[fdrinca]

Absolutely by first grade. I had a run-in with the school librarian about what books I could check out. I wanted to check out Charlotte's Web. I had to read the first page to her to see if I could. I remember getting past the first paragraph before she said OK. I later went back and read the book to my class. The best part was sitting in my teacher's rocking chair. That's not necessarily *gifted* as much as *precocious,* although the two are linked, for me at least.

 

I was just thinking about GATE education, and about how I was so well served by it in some regards and not in others. Our school had a pretty extensive GATE program that started when I was in second grade. Full-pull out for math AND language arts, every day, with a very small class size (probably around 15 students with a teacher AND an aide.) I don't think a program like that could survive today. 

Later, I realized that I was very out-of-step with my peers. I articulated it as "not speaking the same language." A salient memory from elementary school was not being understood by my peers. It wasn't until high school, and then college, where there were enough kids that I could find a peer group and feel comfortable. I'm thankful I went to a 3500+ student high school - without it, I may have continued to struggle to find my place.

[shawthorne44]

I have a question.  I seen reference to people's gifted kids that they didn't go through reading levels (or at least some didn't).  That the kid was not reading, and then learned to read, and then could read almost anything.  Until that registered in my brain, I thought that was normal.  I was even confused by AAR talking about more levels (There is a posted question where I asked what the heck there was to teach after the kid was reading).  I think my analogy was learning to ride a bike.  You learn to ride a bike, and then you do it.  

 

Is it unusual to not go through reading levels?  

 

Side note on the previous post.  Battling with the school librarian, I know it well!   I have a personal theory that there are two kinds of librarians.  Both feel strong emotions when they see someone checking out lots of books.  One kind is very happy, the other thinks that books should only be read in the library.  I even developed a test.  Find a big stack of books you are interested in.  Big big stack.  Carry the stack across the library.  Note which librarians are smiling and which are frowning.  Only talk to the smiling ones.  

[Dicentra]

I think I see a common thread through a lot of these post. I remember people working very hard to "remind" us gifted kids that we weren't better than anyone else just because we were gifted. I think people worked so hard at that that they convinced a lot of people that they were actually "worse" than other people.
 

 

That's how I view gifted - not better, just different. :)  Our wiring isn't better - heck, sometimes it's worse ;) - but it is different.  And it can be a wonderful thing to realize that there are other adults who are wired differently, too, and that you can share experiences and thoughts in a group where "different" is "normal". ;)

[Dicentra]

But, as mentioned, my husband/best friend is quite intelligent, my brother and parents, as well as several members of my extended family (I like to joke that I can't swing a dead cat in my family without hitting an engineer) so it's entirely possible that without that network, I would have a much different opinion.

 

I think it does make a difference.  Everyone's experience of being gifted is unique.  I envy those folks who got to grow up gifted in a family and/or community where gifted was more the norm. :)  I liked watching the TV show "Eureka" - it was silly and wasn't exactly quality television but I kept thinking, "That would have been a GREAT place to grow up!" ;)

 

Don't misunderstand me - I'm not looking for a pity party! :D  My childhood was what it was - there was good, there was bad, and there was ugly.  All of that contributed to the adult I am now.  It's just a nice thing to find a community where one can say something like, "Yeah - I thought the auditory memory portion of the Woodcock-Johnson battery was a fun challenge.  I maxed it out!" and the response is "Cool." and then folks move on instead of looking at you like you're the biggest freak ever encountered. :P

 

Maaaaaaannnnnn - I think I'm getting sappy and maudlin.  I'm not like this normally - honest!  Maybe I'll get back to compiling the homeschool high school physics resources for the High School board - that should shake me out of it. ;)

[Erin]

No rush. You've already got bio and chem covered. And I wont need physics for a while...


;)

[EndOfOrdinary]

Is it unusual to not go through reading levels?

Many kids have to build up the skill of reading. More like playing catch than bike riding. First you learn to hold the ball. Then how to throw it and it only flops in front of you. Next you build up stamina and form and the ball starts going a longer and longer distance from you. Accuracy happens as you continue to practice. As skills increase with throwing, then you learn to use a mitt and catch. At that point you can actually play catch with ease.

Most kids go through a progression where they first identify letters, then put them together, then find words, then sentences. At sentences, they build to paragraphs, then chapters, then a story. Inflection, visualization, fluency, expressive reading, complex reading, analysis of what you read, many middle schoolers still have trouble with this. That isn't even going near the subtleties that appear in different forms of print like non- fiction, poetry, classical language, advertising, etc. They are "word calling" not reading. This happens for some kids over a period of six or more years.

My father had a terrible astigmatism and used to have to read aloud in class. The kids would laugh when he re-read the same line without realizing it. They would mock him for needing to use his finger to track. Basically, he stopped reading in fifth grade. He still doesn't really read. Magazine articles here and there, but it is a slog for him and you can tell he doesn't get much out of the text the first time through. Everything is read about five times. Crazy thing is, he is a college graduate with a Bachelors and was a highly successful architect. He recorded his lectures and talks of how his wonderful roommate would sit up late with him to scour the cliff notes for his required 15 credits of humanities and read to him about what he would need to know. You would never know until you saw him try to handle much more than a recipe. You might be surprised to know how many people "read."

[ThatHomeschoolDad]

Oddly, only in hindsight, as an adult, because, beyond sending me to a gt magnet middle school, my parents didn't do anything special, and prob never thought about it.

[eternalsummer]

5th grade.

 

Before that, we moved every year, so by the time the school district tested me and etc. we were about to move again, or there were no local resources for actual gifted classes.  I was surprised to find out I was smart.

 

But at that point I thought I was just kind of above average - it wasn't until middle or late high school that I realized it was more than that.

 

A large high school was a very good thing.

[zaichiki]

It's just a nice thing to find a community where one can say something like, "Yeah - I thought the auditory memory portion of the Woodcock-Johnson battery was a fun challenge.  I maxed it out!" and the response is "Cool." and then folks move on instead of looking at you like you're the biggest freak ever encountered. :p

 

My experience growing up in a gifted extended family and having somehow been lucky enough to have found a large group of gifted homeschooling families when we first started homeschooling was different.  There was no "let's talk about the details of testing."  In fact, in both family and friend group. we would avoid that at nearly all costs.  There is/was a very strong desire to avoid the appearance that one thinks one is more intelligent than others.  (I think we just walk about as if this is all perfectly typical.)   At Thanksgiving, there would be debate about Monsanto and the degree of genetic modification to which we've been exposed for the last 30 years, details of current international news, etc.  There's also a lot of talk about sports and one-on-one discussions about what's going on in each other's lives.  Pretty normal stuff, I think.  Among the homeschoolers we mostly talked about curriculum and local field trip opportunities, but I think most of us were still in the searching/growing stage then.  I've since moved.  I wonder what the group talks about when they get together now...  Probably just daily life stuff... Like dental appointments and dinner ideas and whatnot...

[Dicentra]

My experience growing up in a gifted extended family and having somehow been lucky enough to have found a large group of gifted homeschooling families when we first started homeschooling was different.  There was no "let's talk about the details of testing."  In fact, in both family and friend group. we would avoid that at nearly all costs.  There is/was a very strong desire to avoid the appearance that one thinks one is more intelligent than others.  (I think we just walk about as if this is all perfectly typical.)   At Thanksgiving, there would be debate about Monsanto and the degree of genetic modification to which we've been exposed for the last 30 years, details of current international news, etc.  There's also a lot of talk about sports and one-on-one discussions about what's going on in each other's lives.  Pretty normal stuff, I think.  Among the homeschoolers we mostly talked about curriculum and local field trip opportunities, but I think most of us were still in the searching/growing stage then.  I've since moved.  I wonder what the group talks about when they get together now...  Probably just daily life stuff... Like dental appointments and dinner ideas and whatnot...

 

I like hearing about all the different experiences. :)

 

I see what you're saying and I should probably slightly modify my previous comment.  It's not as though I would wish testing to be the main or even a frequent topic of conversation.  But when you have a large community of gifted family/friends, you can have conversations at a different level.  Most of the community I'm surrounded by either can't or doesn't want to have a conversation about genetic modification - if I brought it up using the words "genetic modification", I'd get an eye roll and quite possibly a "Quit showing off!" comment.  I'd be effectively shut down - the only way to rejoin any conversation is to want to talk about who got the most drunk at the last get together or who got sent home from the latest reality TV show.  That's what I was getting at with my previous comment.  Not so much that I want a community I could discuss my test scores with (although I still wonder why, if a group of people got together and they discussed their individual athletic prowess, it's not seen as vying for "who's best" but if people discuss their intelligence it is seen as that - interesting...) but a community that isn't going to shun me or shut me down because of the kinds of conversations I'd like to have.  Those kinds and levels of conversations I would like to have are somewhat of a result of my test scores.  Does that make sense? :)

 

I think if one has grown up with that community of gifted friends and/or family, maybe it's hard to understand the isolation that can be experienced and the desperation to have someone - ANYONE - to talk to who is willing to discuss topics at levels that keep the brain happy. :D

 

I met another gifted homeschooler in my area a few years ago.  It was funny - the first few times we chatted you could almost see us taking the measure of the other and mentally wondering if we dared use the "G" word.  I think I was the first one to say to her, "You weren't... ummm... by any chance... identified... as... gifted when you were young, were you?" and then tensing in case the reaction was, "No! I'm not one of those freaks!  Why - are you?".  You never know- when you're not surrounded by gifted people, you don't have as much practice picking them out without coming out and asking. :)  I suspected she was and she said she suspected I was.  The relief that was in her answer was palpable, "Yes!  You were too, weren't you?".  Both of us had that immense sense of relief at having found someone else who "got" us.

 

Don't get me wrong.  I have lots of non-gifted friends and I think they're great.  But sometimes my brain needs a different level of interaction - it actually feels like a craving.  Sometimes reading books and solitary thinking can satisfy it, sometimes online conversations can satisfy it :), but sometimes it requires a real, live conversation.  Not often - I'm pretty introverted - but sometimes.  And it's wonderful to know that my friend can fulfill that role for me and I for her.  As I said before...  In small, rural communities it's just a statistically rarer thing to find those intellectual equals.

 

ETA:  I was just thinking that other folks might be thinking, "Why couldn't you have those intellectual conversations with your friend without ever telling one another that you were identified?  Wouldn't the craving still be satisfied?". :)  True - but by "outing" one another, we can also talk about lots of the painful stuff from our childhoods (she grew up gifted in a small rural community as well) and we know that each has empathy for the other.  It's nice to be able to say to someone, "Yeah - growing up gifted was really difficult.  I got bullied a lot for being smart and not athletic." and not have them roll their eyes and say, "Yeah - what-e-ver." but instead have that person be able to empathize with that situation.  At least - it's that way for me. :)

[SKL]

I try to stay under the radar for sure.  I dress the same way I did when I was a high school student - old jeans / t-shirts / sneakers (unless I *have* to wear a suit, and then I wear something dark and boring).  I would pass for a bum sooner than I'd pass for a highly educated gifted person, LOL.  I also say little except around my close family and friends.  I don't like attention or expectations based on how I'm "different."  (This bugs some of my friends / colleagues.  My business partners are especially irked that I keep a very low profile at conferences etc.)

 

Part of this is probably the "imposter syndrome."  I am not quick-thinking in new situations.  If someone asks me an unexpected question, chances are I'm going to give them a blank stare, LOL.  I'd rather avoid the whole scene.

 

The other part is that I feel like other people will be more comfortable with "just regular folks."  I was born into a working class / poor family, and spent my teen years living in a rural area where most people don't have high academic aspirations.  In fact, at the same time as I was being tested for giftedness (which I kept to myself), I was also being bullied by the kids who were initially my friends - low achievers who thought I was going out of my way to look smart.  (I can't help it if my previous school was years ahead of that one.)  I was caught off guard on that, but I adjusted to it by keeping my head down and my trap shut.

 

Also, we were always told not to share our test scores or grades with our classmates.  It was a punishable offense in elementary school, because it could only make people feel badly.  I internalized this.  When I was doing my MBA with many foreign students, who don't have this rule in their culture, I was asked many times how I'd done on xyz, and I always answered "I was satisfied with my grade."  My Indian friend then informed me that they all thought I must be very dumb.  In fact I had the highest GMAT score in the class.  LOL.  When my friend discovered this she went around and set everyone straight.  LOL.  Fun times.

 

But at home with family, giftedness was not a taboo subject, because we all related in some way or other.  Not that we talked about it all the time.  Mostly we talked about exasperating our teachers, what was wrong with politicians, bla bla bla.  But we could also discuss Shakespeare etc. without feeling funny.

[Paige]

I like hearing about all the different experiences. :)
I think if one has grown up with that community of gifted friends and/or family, maybe it's hard to understand the isolation that can be experienced and the desperation to have someone - ANYONE - to talk to who is willing to discuss topics at levels that keep the brain happy. :D

I can understand. For the first time I am in an area with no major university to pull in a wide population of diverse thinkers. I don't think that the "gifted" part matters as much as people enjoying intellectual discussions and people comfortable with dissenting opinions. Reading your post, I see what my problem is here. I am completely bored. Homeschooling talk is mostly about ACE and Abeka. Snore...not that there's anything wrong with them, but few people want to talk about anything more. Other people want to talk about local middle and high school sports. Not that there's anything wrong with that, but it's not my thing. Some people want to talk politics, but not really. They want to say something generally agreed upon in this area and then be agreed with. Even if I agree with the sentiment, it's never going to be an interesting conversation. I could disagree or play devil's advocate but it's no use- the conversation will shut down. I am not much for gossip. I don't really care about other people's personal lives (or celebrities). My most stimulating conversations come from my 12yo DS and his therapist. Sad but true.

Actually, DS has never been happy since we moved here. I wonder if it's for the same reason. Maybe he's bored.

[La Condessa]

Late in high school. It sounds so snotty now, but despite being in GATE classes for years and getting good grades with little effort, I really believed that most of my peers were just lazy and boring, not that I was smart. I mean, it wasn't as though schoolwork was actually hard, so they must just not be bothering to do it. And sure I read way more and harder books than they did all along, but I did that because I was interested in those books. If all I was interested in was cartoons as a younger kid and teeny-boppers later, I wouldn't have known anything worth knowing, either. It was a humbling experience when I finally realized how arrogant I had been.

I had a dear friend who was taking one AP class to have on her transcript for college applications, and I saw the hours and hours she put in to get a decent grade for that class. It finally dawned on me that I had never had to put in anything like that amount of effort for any class-- that that GATE stuff was actually real (not just a class for the kids who were interested in school to not have to wait around as much for the lazy ones), and that the really admirable students were the ones who disciplined themselves to work hard to expand their minds, not the coasters like me.

[BuddhaMama]

I didn't realize until I went back to college at the age of 24. 

 

Growing up, I came from a very dysfunctional family who didn't value education (ironic, given that my mom was a teacher). I didn't begin reading until 2nd grade, but once I started, I never put a book down. I spent my teen years in the foster system, and have lived on my own since I was 17. When I did live at home, my mom would routinely tell me to "lighten up" and "not worry so much" when it came school and grades. I wasn't allowed to do school work until all of my household chores were completed. I also spent a great deal of time being a caregiver for my two younger brothers who have autism.

 

As a kid and teenager, I didn't care much for school. I wasn't engaged and for the most part thought the material was dull and boring. I graduated high school with a 3.6ish GPA, but rarely showed up to school or handed in assignments my senior year. I don't remember ever studying really, but I do remember dropping or switching out of classes where the material didn't come naturally to me. I was a serious underachiever.

 

Flash forward eleven years later, I have an Honors BA in Philosophy (summa cum laude from a top 100 university) and am starting my PhD in the fall (woot!). Unfortunately, I have a serious case of impostor syndrome, which I'm learning how to overcome. 

 

I think my biggest regret is not having a loving and strong support system from early on. Obviously, out of my control, but makes me sad nonetheless :(

 

My husband is also gifted. He was never formally identified as such while younger, but at the age of 22 (without a college degree) was hired as the Director of Technology at a prestigious private high school. He's been there for over 10 years now and is known in the educational community as an expert in his field. He tends to ruffle feathers quite a bit because he's not afraid to go against the grain :) He's incredibly brilliant, but also suffers from the impostor syndrome at times (he's embarrassed he never finished college). 

 

 

[melbotoast]

It's fun to hear everyone's experiences. 

 

I realized it in K or 1st. I was in the "smart class" all through elementary, but it was pretty obvious that I was way ahead of the curve. For example, in first grade, everyone had to go up to the teacher to pass off their words for that week, but I never had to do that since I was reading chapter books already. In middle school, I had one of those key chains that said "I'm not weird, I'm gifted." I definitely felt like a weirdo though. :) We moved right before I started high school, and I tried to blend in a little more. It was a much larger school so that helped. I skipped graduation though, because it really didn't feel like a big deal to me. College was nice because people actually tried to get good grades. It was just easier for me than for most people. :)

[slackermom]

I was usually the among the top students in my classes, but we moved every 2 years, so I always felt like I didn't belong wherever I was.  I took some standardized test in the sixth grade and maxed out on it, and got sent to a pull-out statistics class for a few months, but I was only there for one semester before changing schools again. 

 

In seventh and eighth grades I was in an alternative school, but it wasn't specifically for gifted students.  In fact, I had a classmate who was sentenced to go there as alternative to juvenile detention.  But we were able to do what we wanted, and I opted to spend a year doing jigsaw and logic puzzles rather than participate in math class or do any of the homework, and still got the highest score on the end of the year math test. That just made everyone mad at me. 

 

On to the next school, where I was in honors levels in all of my classes.  I knew I was one of the smarter kids, generally, but so was everyone else in my classes, so I didn't think of myself as gifted.  My PSAT and ACT scores were at 99%, so that got attention, and a MENSA invitation (which I ignored). 

 

Then I transferred to a very competitive high school and being smart wasn't enough, and imposter syndrome started to set in. Then I only scored 98% on the SAT, so that confirmed to me that I wasn't even especially smart.  My American History teacher announced to the class that I had scored very highly on a history exam, first or second in the state, I don't remember, but I do remember thinking that it was a fluke, that I was just a "good test-taker," as they say.

 

So, I guess I feel more comfortable saying I've known since second grade that I am a good test-taker.  My dd9, on the other hand, is clearly gifted, however you want to define it.  Both according to her mom, and according to extensive testing in a university hospital study.