wwyd in this situation

[JustEm]

nm

[Mrs Mungo]

That's a pretty awkward situation. I probably wouldn't hang out at the house of my boss unless the boss was there. I get what you're saying, but sometimes it's better to leave a little bit of professionalism there.

[Jean in Newcastle]

I would feel taken aback but I would wonder if there was some back story with their dd that you didn't know about .  Since they called a half hour after the bedtime they stipulated, I would wonder if they had had a phone call about a problem that you didn't know about?  I don't know - just trying to come up with something, anything, that would make sense.  

[Kathryn]

That's a pretty awkward situation. I probably wouldn't hang out at the house of my boss unless the boss was there. I get what you're saying, but sometimes it's better to leave a little bit of professionalism there.

Completely agree with this.

[JustEm]

 

nm

 

[extendedforecast]

Perhaps the child was given an early bedtime as a punishment earlier that you weren't aware of.

[Catwoman]

It's a strange situation, given that your kids always go with you when you visit them.

 

Not for anything , but how did your dh's boss think the kids were going to get home if you'd been invited to stay and watch the fight? It's not like you could have just stuck them in a taxi and sent them on their way. :confused:

[JustEm]

Perhaps the child was given an early bedtime as a punishment earlier that you weren't aware of.

I know why she needed to be in bed.  She had to be up early because of an early event at their church tomorrow.  

 

What baffles my mind is why we were invited in the first place if this was the case.  And then I was entirely insulted when his boss asked when our kids were leaving.  It was a passive aggressive way of asking us to leave.  They wasted our night because had we stayed home in the first place all 5 kids would have been in bed by 8 and we would have been able to enjoy the night together.  Instead we got home at 10:40 and all the kids were awake and super hyper from the excitement of being out late that they fell asleep at midnight.

[JustEm]

It's a strange situation, given that your kids always go with you when you visit them.

 

Not for anything , but how did your dh's boss think the kids were going to get home if you'd been invited to stay and watch the fight? It's not like you could have just stuck them in a taxi and sent them on their way. :confused:

 haha I have no idea!  All I know is I'm glad my dh is cool and collected in a situation like this.  I of course left quietly, it was no ones fault who was there.  But on the drive home I asked dh "can I text boss and..."  he quickly said NO!  Knowing what I would say would not make things any better.  He later sent him a very respectful text apologizing for whatever miscommunication there was and had he known his dd had to be in bed we would have stayed home and spent the night as a family instead of wasting it the way we did.  He did inform boss that I felt insulted that our family (specifically children) weren't welcome at his house and in the future we will have to consider that when invites like this go out.

 

I don't know if there has been a response.  I've been closed in the computer room because I'm really pissed off that they wasted /ruined our night and humiliated me at their home.  But this does give me a reason to avoid that house like the plague in the future!!! (They are like the bad in laws I wish I didn't marry into!)  Luckily my real in laws are awesome!

[Ripley]

I wonder if the church event thing came up after the invite was extended, and they just didn't connect the dots (early night for their daughter conflicting with late night for your kids on UFC night) until that night.  I'm guessing they called their adult kid(s) to check in, heard or were told the 7 year old was still up, and were working on the fly to figure out how they were going to get their kid to bed at a decent hour for the church event.  I figure their minds were wrapped up on not being there, worried about the early morning church event, and not even thinking about how to better word their real concern: how to get their 7 year old to bed when it was already past her bedtime.  Maybe she was supposed to have been in bed before everyone even arrived, and the adult kids just didn't think about it or neglected to see that she did.

 

 

I might feel taken aback and a bit stung about the text, and pissed about missing the fight.  I wouldn't do anything, nor would I take it personally or read too much into it - I really don't think it was done with the intent of ruining your night or suggesting anything negative about your kids.

 

When I was working I was usually the one who was out-of-town, calling home to find out things hadn't gone the way I planned/asked/expected, and then me being my control freak worrywort self anxious about the anticipated fallout from deviating from my plans/requests/expectations (real or imagined!) and blurting things out the wrong way.

[extendedforecast]

If I were the host and my child had to go to bed early for a valid reason, I would not send the guests home. That is quite rude. Instead I would have put my child to bed in a room away from the action and explained to her/him that he/she needs to get rest for the next day.

[Catwoman]

I don't blame you for feeling like they kicked you out of their house. Is the guy usually very blunt about things?

 

The invitation makes no sense at all, or if they didn't want your kids there, they should have let you know in advance. Even if they didn't know until the last minute that their dd would have to get up extra-early, they could have still let you know that there was a problem before you left your house to go over there.

[Erica in OR]

So your kids usually come with you to these events at their house, with similar late-night timelines? If that's the case, I agree the situation is just weird. Maybe they were thrown off that you also had the niece and nephew??

 

Erica in OR

[TXBeth]

I'm wondering if your other visits to their house have been so late at night. If I invited someone over to watch a show that started at 10pm, I would figure that their kids would be home sleeping, especially little ones under 5 years old. It wouldn't even occur to me that someone might bring them along and expect them to play with my kids while we watched.

[Tap]

I'm wondering if your other visits to their house have been so late at night. If I invited someone over to watch a show that started at 10pm, I would figure that their kids would be home sleeping, especially little ones under 5 years old. It wouldn't even occur to me that someone might bring them along and expect them to play with my kids while we watched.

This is my thought as well.  

[Mama Geek]

I would try to encourage dh to talk to his boss, not being mad, but approaching it from misunderstanding what the plan was.  That would clear the air and make things less awkward.

 

Missed that your dh is handling it by text.  

 

I would probably back off some in the relationships and see how things go for awhile.

[bettyandbob]

You said your dh sent a text regarding miscommunication. I would not do anything more. If invited again, and we wanted to attend, I would ask specifically if dc could come.

 

I realize your dh has known this family well for many years. That doesn't negate that it's his boss. In some ways that makes things more awkward.

[Chris in VA]

Did he specifically invite your kids? Because I can see some assumptions going on here.

 

Maybe he was surprised you brought them--it's very late for most (not all) littles, and it may not have even occurred to him that you'd bring them.

 

Maybe he assumed you, as a woman, would just be there for social reasons and then be going home before the fight. The stereotype is that women don't like fights--not true in your case and maybe he didn't know that.

 

It was certainly awkward. Sorry it happened to you. I wouldn't take it any further. I also don't think your husband should have gotten snarky and said thanks for the wasted night, or whatever--that makes it sound like he was there for just the fight and didn't come to also enjoy the people, and that's a bit rude. 

[PeachyDoodle]

I don't really care what their reasoning was. They may have realized after the fact that, in hindsight, they should have made arrangements for their kid to get to bed at a decent hour, but at that point they already had guests in their home. They had two options: get their dd on the phone and tell her, "Sorry, your night is over and you need to go to bed now," or let her stay up and play and deal with the consequences tomorrow. I mean, she's 7, for crying out loud. What is this "won't go to bed" business? Won't WANT to go to bed maybe, but that's a different story. If her parents tell her to get in bed, she needs to obey and get in bed. It's also not the end of the world if she doesn't get enough sleep for ONE night, KWIM?

 

Alternatively, they could have said, "We know you want to stay up and play, but you have to be up early in the morning. If you choose to stay up, you will be expected to have a good attitude tomorrow and go to bed x hour(s) early. Do you think you can do that?" My dd would have been mature enough to make that decision last year, so I might would have given her the option. At any rate, kicking guests out of your home (even if you realize that perhaps you shouldn't have invited them/should have been more clear about WHO was invited) is terribly rude.

 

Honestly, there is no way on earth I would be out with 5 kids under 5 at an event that was just getting starting at 10 p.m. I would have gotten a sitter, or just let dh go by himself. But that's also neither here nor there. From your posts, it sounds like you have done this before, yes? Even more reason they should have dealt with it in a better way. They didn't think it through (or can't make their kid listen); that's on them, not their guests.

 

All that said, though, I really would try to get over it. If these people are really "like family," it's unlikely that they meant any real disrespect to your or your children. People mess up, and texts can be tricky things to interpret. You've told them how you feel, hopefully they will come back with an apology, now let it go. Don't ruin long-standing friendships (or heaven forbid, your dh's job) over what likely amounts to a mistake.

[trulycrabby]

Ugh. Tough situation. I don't blame you for being steamed, especially since you were at their house and they handled the situation via text rather than working things out face-to-face. Extremely rude!

 

However, since they are in the position of power, I would just keep quiet and stay far, far away from them in the future.

[Starr]

I wonder if their little one really went to bed with all the excitement. :D  I would clarify every time they invite you to their house.

[JustEm]

 

 

 

I might feel taken aback and a bit stung about the text, and pissed about missing the fight.  I wouldn't do anything, nor would I take it personally or read too much into it - I really don't think it was done with the intent of ruining your night or suggesting anything negative about your kids.

 

When I was working I was usually the one who was out-of-town, calling home to find out things hadn't gone the way I planned/asked/expected, and then me being my control freak worrywort self anxious about the anticipated fallout from deviating from my plans/requests/expectations (real or imagined!) and blurting things out the wrong way.

 

Yeah, I don't feel like it was intentional but it still changes things in my mind with the way I socialize with this family.  It doesn't really matter much to me but it will to my dh since he has always been so close to them.  At this point I have no intention of stepping foot in that house again since there is no guarantee that it will not happen again and I will not allow myself to be insulted again if I can help it. I have had issues with his boss and his wife in the past so it may sound like I'm taking it harder than I should but with other unresolved things I can't help but be upset.

[JustEm]

So your kids usually come with you to these events at their house, with similar late-night timelines? If that's the case, I agree the situation is just weird. Maybe they were thrown off that you also had the niece and nephew??

 

Erica in OR

 

Yes our kids do usually come with.  If we come without them for some reason we get hassled (jokingly) for not bringing them.  Their oldest daughter is our daughters god mother. We are close. The niece and nephew may have thrown them off but they know my brother, he used to help out at their business a lot, so I don't think thats the case. But could be.

[OrganicAnn]

Sounds like it was the adult kid's of the boss who issued the invitation and not the boss.   So they may not have thought your DH would have brought his wife and kids and not thought it would cause their little sister an issue going to bed.     Then I'll bet the kids blamed you guys for why little sis was not in bed.  

 

If the parents were there, it probably would have been handled better.   I think it was just an awkward situation.  

 

I would let it go.  But maybe be a little hesitant about future invitations especially they could lead to an awkward situation. 

[JustEm]

I'm wondering if your other visits to their house have been so late at night. If I invited someone over to watch a show that started at 10pm, I would figure that their kids would be home sleeping, especially little ones under 5 years old. It wouldn't even occur to me that someone might bring them along and expect them to play with my kids while we watched.

 

 

nm

[JustEm]

You said your dh sent a text regarding miscommunication. I would not do anything more. If invited again, and we wanted to attend, I would ask specifically if dc could come.

 

I realize your dh has known this family well for many years. That doesn't negate that it's his boss. In some ways that makes things more awkward.

Oh him being his boss makes everything worse. I'm not doing anything more.  They will discuss the whole thing Monday and I'll happily decline future invitations to their house.

[JustEm]

Did he specifically invite your kids? Because I can see some assumptions going on here.

 

Maybe he was surprised you brought them--it's very late for most (not all) littles, and it may not have even occurred to him that you'd bring them.

 

Maybe he assumed you, as a woman, would just be there for social reasons and then be going home before the fight. The stereotype is that women don't like fights--not true in your case and maybe he didn't know that.

 

It was certainly awkward. Sorry it happened to you. I wouldn't take it any further. I also don't think your husband should have gotten snarky and said thanks for the wasted night, or whatever--that makes it sound like he was there for just the fight and didn't come to also enjoy the people, and that's a bit rude. 

 

nm

[JustEm]

thanks all for listening to me vent. DH and his boss will talk about it tomorrow and I'll just let it go.  We ended up watching a bunch of Sons of Anarchy last night which was fun as well.  It mostly pissed me off because I don't really like the relationship with that family and I didn't like dh's job for the first 4 years of our marriage so its easy for me to overreact when it comes to them.  Old wounds not yet healed I suppose. My relationship with them is complicated.

[StephanieZ]

I think that if you value either dh's job or these people, then you really need to step back and let it go.

 

I am sure the adult children messed up in some big way. The text from the boss was awkward.

 

You brought a couple extra young kids to a late night event. That could and would definitely throw things off. When I invite a family to an event, I will welcome their children, but I would be surprised and startled if they brought spares. In my circle, whether family or friends, we always ask if it is ok to bring spare people to an event. In fact, the norm would be to reply, "oh, I am sorry, we can't come to your party because my mom will be in town (or we will be babysitting the nephews) that weekend . . ." Then the host nearly always replies, "oh, please bring your mom (nephews)! It will be fun!" But, the host has the easy option of just accepting the regrets . . .

 

Frankly, I don't think it is smart for you and your dh to socialize with the adult children of the boss, who he supervises. I would back off that. Especially at then boss's house when he isn't home! Be friendly, but not friends . . . That is the best motto I know of for work happiness.

 

So, I think everyone probably crossed some boundary lines.

 

Just let it go. Move on. Next invite, gently clarify who is welcome, and go and be gracious. It might sting for a while, but consider it part of the job as well as honoring the good parts of the long friendship . . . and suck it up. IMHO.

 

You don't have to socialize quite as often as you used to. You can politely allow the frequency to dwindle, so long as you are all still gracious and appreciative. Just be cautious about snubbing them, especially for the next few months while you are all sensitive because of this occurrence.

 

If you don't suck it up, be prepared for dh to find a new job. Is that worth it?

[JustEm]

I think that if you value either dh's job or these people, then you really need to step back and let it go.

 

I am sure the adult children messed up in some big way. The text from the boss was awkward.

 

You brought a couple extra young kids to a late night event. That could and would definitely throw things off. When I invite a family to an event, I will welcome their children, but I would be surprised and startled if they brought spares. In my circle, whether family or friends, we always ask if it is ok to bring spare people to an event. In fact, the norm would be to reply, "oh, I am sorry, we can't come to your party because my mom will be in town (or we will be babysitting the nephews) that weekend . . ." Then the host nearly always replies, "oh, please bring your mom (nephews)! It will be fun!" But, the host has the easy option of just accepting the regrets . . .

 

Frankly, I don't think it is smart for you and your dh to socialize with the adult children of the boss, who he supervises. I would back off that. Especially at then boss's house when he isn't home! Be friendly, but not friends . . . That is the best motto I know of for work happiness.

 

So, I think everyone probably crossed some boundary lines.

 

Just let it go. Move on. Next invite, gently clarify who is welcome, and go and be gracious. It might sting for a while, but consider it part of the job as well as honoring the good parts of the long friendship . . . and suck it up. IMHO.

 

You don't have to socialize quite as often as you used to. You can politely allow the frequency to dwindle, so long as you are all still gracious and appreciative. Just be cautious about snubbing them, especially for the next few months while you are all sensitive because of this occurrence.

 

If you don't suck it up, be prepared for dh to find a new job. Is that worth it?

 

nm

[zoobie]

I don't blame you for feeling like they kicked you out of their house. Is the guy usually very blunt about things?

 

The invitation makes no sense at all, or if they didn't want your kids there, they should have let you know in advance. Even if they didn't know until the last minute that their dd would have to get up extra-early, they could have still let you know that there was a problem before you left your house to go over there.

I agree. I think it's weird that they aren't home and are expecting you effectively to parent their child who won't follow their directions. Hi, I have no control over my daughter, so I know I invited you here, but now you have to leave because that's the only way to get her to go to bed. Whuck?

[justasque]

I would put this into the category of something between the boss and his wife/family that I wasn't privvy to.  For example, dad invites bunches of people over, doesn't realize it's an early morning for dd, mom freaks out and says "do something", dad does something klunky.  If the relationship with the dad was important to me, I'd let it be, but I'd be careful about future invitations - make sure kids are welcome, make sure wife is aware of the invite, etc. etc..

[Trish]

 haha I have no idea!  All I know is I'm glad my dh is cool and collected in a situation like this.  I of course left quietly, it was no ones fault who was there.  But on the drive home I asked dh "can I text boss and..."  he quickly said NO!  Knowing what I would say would not make things any better.  He later sent him a very respectful text apologizing for whatever miscommunication there was and had he known his dd had to be in bed we would have stayed home and spent the night as a family instead of wasting it the way we did.  He did inform boss that I felt insulted that our family (specifically children) weren't welcome at his house and in the future we will have to consider that when invites like this go out.

 

I don't know if there has been a response.  I've been closed in the computer room because I'm really pissed off that they wasted /ruined our night and humiliated me at their home.  But this does give me a reason to avoid that house like the plague in the future!!! (They are like the bad in laws I wish I didn't marry into!)  Luckily my real in laws are awesome!

 

Eh, I think he should have left off the part about you being insulted. (wasn't he insulted?) Didn't need to be said either way, it was a super awkward situation.

 

Well at least it's over with and you know if the future to be careful what invitations you accept. Even if the boss had been home, the kid still had to be in bed early so not sure what they were thinking.

[Catwoman]

I agree. I think it's weird that they aren't home and are expecting you effectively to parent their child who won't follow their directions. Hi, I have no control over my daughter, so I know I invited you here, but now you have to leave because that's the only way to get her to go to bed. Whuck?

The only thing I can think of was that it was supposed to be a date night for the parents and the older kids were supposed to be watching the little one, and the parents weren't aware that egregg and her dh were even going to be there with their kids at all.

 

Unfortunately, instead of handling matters between themselves and their older kids, they sent the weird text to egregg's dh instead. I'll bet they were so annoyed at their older kids, who probably knew that the little one had to be in bed by a certain time but forgot about it, that they had a knee-jerk reaction to that, and went straight to sending that text.

 

I'm really thinking the older kids messed up and the parents took it out on egregg's dh.

[Mrs Mungo]

I think misunderstandings *often* occur when you're dealing with groups of people. You weren't there on the invite of the home owner (and your dh's boss), but on the invite of his kids. I get that you feel slighted, but I think you should chalk it up to a misunderstanding and let it go. Venting all over, making your dh confront them, saying you'll never set foot in their home again, these things will only make you look unreasonable in my experience. Miscommunication is something that happens occasionally. I would try to give them the benefit of the doubt.