Burned out ~~ take an extended break?

[mom@shiloh]

Has anyone ever just stopped, like, everything?  I just can't muster the enthusiasm to teach my kids.  I used to love it, and now it just seems like this huge chore.  I've tried taking short breaks to try to get caught up on other things that are pulling at my attention, I've tried changing curriculum, but I'm just tired.  We took last week off and are trying to get back to the routine this morning, but I can feel my stomach tying up in knots as I'm trying to get my 9 yo to finish her math.  I feel as if there's lot of stress in my life and I just can't handle it all anymore.  What do you do about homeschooling when you feel like you just can't do it all anymore?  

 

Maybe I don't really expect answers, but it helps to just type it out.  

[school17777]

What are your dc's ages?

[Cera]

The kids need to be taught.  If you can't muster the energy to do it you need to have dad do it, hire someone else if it's legal or look at private or public schools.  I know this isn't going to be the most popular answer but slacking on education is never the right answer and brick and mortar schools are rarely worse than simply not being taught.

[Farrar]

I think it depends.  It depends on where your kids are in their studies and what your future plans are for schooling.  It depends on how you've done breaks in the past.  I know some homeschool families push through and do low-level schooling even when they're on break.  If you never took a proper summer break, then I would say, sure, take a few weeks off now in order to get yourself focused again.  If you did take a summer break and have had "enough" break already, then maybe you can look at taking just a few days off to consider how to change something to get your groove back.  I know you say you've done that, but maybe you need something really radically different that you haven't considered.  Or maybe homeschooling just isn't working and you need to take a short break and figure that out.

[Peaceful Isle]

Stress can really hurt your health, make you exhausted, and affect the family. Hugs to you! My advise, ..don't stop homeschooling, but try to fing an easier way to do it. Are your curriculum choices really parent lead, or are they more independant? Do you have the money to try to make homeschooling easier for you?

I don't know the ages of your kiddos, but there are lot of options to ease your day. The post above was correct in saying that you do need to keep homeschooling. You may be feeling overwhelmed, but the kids still need to be educated. 

You could use teaching textbooks for math and Essentials in writing for English/ Writing. They are both taught for you on the computer. Depending on the age, reading could consist of good library trips once a week, to stock up for the week. :) You could check out science and history books from there, and have your kiddos read them, and then explain or write a summary of what they learned. 

Another choice, that many love, are distance learning courses from BJU Press. They are pretty expensive though.

 

I have a chronic illness, so I really understand stress, and not wanting to do school some days, because of pain and exhaustion. Every day won't look the same for you, but try really hard to get the basics in, at least. 

 

[Ellie]

That worked for me. :-)

 

Once I started in September (dds were 9 and 12yo) with a book for every subject, five days a week, even in the car on the way to park day.

 

I know this is normal for some of you, but it is NOT normal for me.

 

By Thanksgiving when I put the books away (which was normal for us), we were burned out. I didn't take the books out until the following September.

 

Seriously.

 

Some time around February, dds began looking at me out the corners of their eyes, and finally one of them asked me if we were going to Do School Again. I said, no, and she heaved a sigh of relief and went on about her business. :D

[Dmmetler]

Brick and Mortar schools around here take a week off in October-in my local district, it's this week. I'd say a "Fall break" sounds like a good idea. Take a week, relax, and regroup. If that's not enough, look into other options.

 

[Year Round Mom]

I took last week off after the first four weeks of school because my house was cluttered and icky. That was the cause of my stress. So I took last week to declutter and to also get fall clothes for the kids (I know that sounds contrary to the whole decluttering thing, but really, I got rid of all summer clothing that was falling apart or too small and organized their closets, because clothes everywhere was bugging me). I worked hard at getting all the laundry done and all the dishes done every night. I started school back up today in better shape because I saw that the state of the house was not good and did something about it that I felt good about. I have decided to take a week off after every four weeks or so to reset my house.

 

What do you think is the cause of the stress? Is it something you can address in a week? If it's something more complex than that, then perhaps you'd benefit from taking a step back and looking at your decision to homeschool as a whole. 

 

When my fourth was born in 2012, I took a whole month off after her birth in the spring. I didn't do any teaching at all. But I had scheduled out all 36 weeks before the year had started in 2011, and knowing that I was going to be taking that month off, I got through as much as I could before #4 was born. I knew I was going to be teaching through the summer and that was okay with me. It really helped to have the plan in place so that when I started freaking out that my kids weren't learning anything during that month, I knew that we would get everything done in the following weeks.

 

I hope you're able to find the cause of the stress and address it in a timely and complete manner to the benefit of your kids and yourself :)

[LLMom]

I know how you are feeling.  I have been there several times in my many years of homeschooling.  I would take a short break and assess things with dh.  Here are a few ideas that may help.  Homeschool burnout.  And if you decide you no longer can homeschool, that doesn't mean you have failed.  (just saying, because a lot of moms feel that way)

[PeterPan]

Grab paper and pen and interview each child, asking for feedback on what's working, what isn't.  You list your issues too.  Get everything all down on paper and then think through actively what solutions you might have for things.  Sometimes a few changes can make a HUGE difference.  For instance, you might be getting NO personal time and that might come out in the feedback survey.  So then you decide one day a week you're going to have "School Without Mom" day.  We did that when my dd was 9.  That age was memorably bad, lol.  Seriously, 13 had nothing on 9.  

 

You know yourself, but if dumping things entirely won't help you solve a problem, then you can't do it.  If your thyroid is low and you're totally deflated and school work can't get done, then put them in school or head to the doctor.  You know this, but this isn't a game.  You don't have to homeschool, no, but you do have to FIGHT sometimes to find what it's going to take to allow you to get to the other side.  

[Jilly]

If you follow Brave Writer on Facebook she had quite an inspirational post today that I highly recommend you read.

 

https://www.facebook.com/bravewriter/posts/10152472011816677

 

As far as an extended break I would recommend it. I have done it a few times when my kids were younger and no harm came of it. They listened to audiobooks, played with Legos, made forts, and generally had a great time. I re-grouped, got some much needed rest, and came up with a new plan. A month or two later we were homeschooling successfully once again.   :)

[mom@shiloh]

Thank you all for your suggestions and encouragement.  I know there are just too many demands on my time right now.  A few of those things I should be able to get rid of in the next month or so.  

[kbpaulie]

Usually around Feb I am totally burned out.  This past year we had so much illness in our family we were off about a month during Dec/ Jan.  This was the first year the burnout didn't take place.  I think that forced extended break was good for us.  Not sure if I'd intentionally due it this winter or not.  We'll see. 

 

Best of luck to you.

[OneStepAtATime]

I fully understand your burnout issues.  I think most of us have experienced that at one time or another.  Thankfully, we found a better path this year and our lives are much smoother.  Perhaps the scheduling we are doing with our current curriculum might help you?  The curriculum we switched to this year (Trail Guides to Learning) is broken up into 6 segments and covers all subjects except math, more like a really well structured unit study, and both kids (4th and 7th grade) are doing the material at the same time, but at different levels of difficulty (already laid out for the parent).  It has been great being able to do group discussions and projects and I'm not all over the place trying to help each child with different curriculum.  Scheduling breaks is also much easier now.  I looked over our year, started with where we want to take a summer break for day camps, family gatherings, pursuit of personal interests etc. and worked backwards to plot out scheduled breaks, also taking into consideration when Easter falls, Christmas, etc.  I set up our schedule so that every 6 weeks we have a week off (at least), then set up certain general goals for things we want to accomplish that week (like cleaning out closets, learning some new board games that are fun AND educational, reconnecting with friends and family, etc. plus scheduling plenty of unstructured down time and some time when the kids are with cousins or a babysitter so I can regroup).  It was a huge relief for all of us to know that guaranteed breaks are coming every 6 weeks.  The other thing that helped with avoiding burnout is that our curriculum has built in review days every Friday.  These days are lighter and cover already done material but in fun and engaging ways.  Helps reinforce the concepts and means that Fridays are much easier to deal with.  If we ever switch from this curriculum I plan to still implement the 6 weeks on, one week off schedule, as well as Review Fridays with whatever else we may use.  It just makes the whole process flow more smoothly and the kids and I are far less stressed. 

 

I agree with others that just walking away from education altogether will not be helpful. You will feel guilty, which saps your strength even more and the kids will get very mixed messages, etc, and may fall behind in critical areas.  However, if you are completely burned out then just muddling through isn't helpful either.  Maybe look into any local area homeschooling support groups to see if you can schedule some playdate/hang out with other mothers.  Also, maybe just take a couple of weeks to explore personal interests for you and the kids, spend time reading books together that have nothing to do with what you are currently learning, maybe even have everyone put ideas in a jar and draw out a different idea each day for fun, sort of educational activities to try and achieve.

 

As was previously mentioned, you may want to find ways the kids can learn some basics on their own.  Teaching Textbooks for math can be done by the kids independently (unless your child, like one of mine, has some serious learning issues with math), and it tracks all their scores, teaches the lesson for you and you can see which problems they got wrong and what they did about it.

 

Landry Academy, Currclick, BJU Press and others have on-line courses that could take the pressure off you, too.

 

You ought to have a physical, though, to check for any health issues.  When I was in my 20's I had an un-diagnosed thyroid condition that just sapped my strength completely.  Anyway, good luck.

[SailorMom]

I become quite burned out by February every year.... 

One problem I've found is that if I try to take a day off here or there, it never really feels like a break, because I have mommy/teacher guilt and spend the day beating myself up over it, lol. 

We usually take whatever days off the PS has (since my older DS is in PS), and with all of their 'planning days' etc.,  I do get quite a few 3 and 4 day weekends (with no guilt), so that helps.  In fact - the schools here have this Friday and Monday off, so we're getting a 4 day weekend and we're going camping.

If you really want to take some time off that wasn't scheduled in, you may try having the kids do a big unit study on something you all enjoy.  Videos, library books, writing paragraphs here and there, field trips....  For me, those activities are far less stressful than regular book work, and a lot of it can be child-led.  They'll certainly be reading and writing, drawing, etc.,   depending on the ages of your kids.  I'd try to keep math going as well, but again - depending on grades, it usually isn't' too detrimental to let that slide a little bit.

We were remodeling our kitchen a few years back, and I had my 8th grade DS write a 7 page paper on whatever he chose.  He had to do math and that research paper.  That was it.  I actually think he learned more than he would have in those 2-ish weeks (maybe 3?) from what he did than what I had previously planned for him, lol...  Allowing him to pick the topic kept him very independently motivated (pretty sure that paper was on the Cold War).

I have also found that I do well with a real schedule.  I hate schedules.  I really do.  But if I make one and keep it I usually feel less stressed and we get more done.  Get up by 7am, school by 8am, done at 3pm, etc.  I don't do certain subjects in any order, but we do each subject every day...  That really isn't important though - it's more just making myself stick to the schedule that helps.

Just remember there is no one right way to do this.  Even if you thought you'd really picked what they should be doing, there are always different ways to educate, and some of those may be a relief for a while. 

 

 

 

 

[Wee Pip]

Last year, I really dropped back on my expectations - let my kids have a 2-3 hr school day, and pick easy fun library books that were waaay below grade level for science and history. I had them write a few paragraphs each week on their library reading - and some weeks we werent very consistent on this. I made sure we did math. I let them pleasure read novels (rather than enforcing a booklist). It was a GREAT year, except the stress of worrying that it wasnt enough nearly killed me. I let the guilt of not being very classical or structured, of not getting my oldest to do rigorous school or have a 5-6 hr school day zap all joy out our homeschooling. Truth is - some very positive things happened last year because I took this approach. My highly resistant, head-butting dd developed a love of reading novels and now I'm busy keeping her supplied:) Dd's low iowa test scores sky rocketed above average last year, and so I think all the below level reading material helped her really learn, instead of just check sci and history off of my grand To-Do list.

 

This year, I determined to do classical ed and signed the youngest 2 up for Classical Conversations. I love it and I love tutoring it, but it has its trade offs, too (like now my oldest is left alone down the hallway for her school day and she is NOT accomplishing much). Dh decided that travel sports were a priority, so we are never home. The kids didnt want to give up their fav activities for all the torturous things their parents want them to do (cc + travel sports + an outside writing class for my deprived oldest dd), so add that to the stack. It's complete overkill and I think I might die, lol! You sound like you might be in the same place - overcommitted and burning out fast!

 

Anyhow, I started off with a description of our non rigorous homeschooling last year because maybe it would help you - or at least put your mind at ease. I wish I hadnt been so stressed, guilted, and worried about it, and I wish I had enjoyed it more. I feel pretty stuck in this busy year, but I'm hoping the end of Fall sports will relieve some of my burden. And I think I will guard my time more next year - allowing for far more "home" days, where we can relax and actually have a school day. We just arent doing much school with so much going on outside the home.

[TammyinTN]

Why not school light...1 hour in the morning, 1 hour in the afternoon and just let the rest good for awhile.   Make it fun and easy on you.  

[ladyinthegarden]

We are doing reading, writing, spelling, grammar, and math. The content subjects are reading and writing assignments. All the other fluff is at leisure, like music and art. It's working out fantastic. My DS is making tremendous progress.

[Hunter]

Is there anything YOU have remained enthusiastic about, or feel like you might like to teach? Not something the kids like, and therefore something you think might be the path of least resistance. I'm looking for some small spark of enthusiasm from YOU about ANYTHING. And if not, then that is the information we will start with. There are no wrong answers here :-)

 

For some people all they can muster enthusiasm for is a read aloud of a novel. Another might not mind teaching a lesson of Draw Write Now each morning. Another family might look forward to reading a chapter of scripture and singing a hymn. Another family might not mind picking up a load of documentaries from the library and making popcorn and hot cocoa. Another might like going outside all afternoon to be in nature.

 

If you are totally burnt, get the house organized (not clean) a bit (not a lot) and cook several huge meals with lots of leftovers. None of us can think clearly when we are hungry and living in confusion. Then spend a day doing just ONE thing that you WANT to do.

 

Homeschooling is SO much harder now than when I started in the 90s. There is SO much more pressure in you moms. Impossible pressure. Impossible goals are depressing and produce less, not more, learning. Just like the mortgage crisis, we are riding an educational bubble that will burst at some point. What you are feeling is natural and makes sense.

 

 

[ElizabethB]

:grouphug:

 

You younger children can watch my phonics lessons and your older ones my spelling lessons so they get a bit done during your break. Kahn Academy is good for math.

 

Also, are your children doing enough cooking and chores?