Berta Posted August 26, 2013 Share Posted August 26, 2013 A few of my facebook friends are posting how their kids are already a target for a bully or ousted by cliques and already don't want to go back to school. I'm seeing comments like "he has to go through this", "it will make him stronger", "that's part of childhood"...etc. I'm sorry, but kids do NOT need to be targets of bullies and cliques to make them stronger. I posted that and got lambasted by people saying my "over protected" kid is going to grow up not knowing how to handle aggressive adults in the workplace. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snow Posted August 27, 2013 Share Posted August 27, 2013 I ask them how many adults they know with an aggressive jerk of a boss. How do they handle it? Do they stay around to "build their character" and "just suck it up" or do they start looking for another job ASAP? It's a double standard for kids who have no ability to remove themselves from the situation, which is exactly what the majority of adults do. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
marbel Posted August 27, 2013 Share Posted August 27, 2013 I never respond to stuff like that on facebook. People don't want to hear an alternate viewpoint. And there are people who truly do believe that being bullied will make kids stronger. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Samiam Posted August 27, 2013 Share Posted August 27, 2013 I've learned to either not respond in the first place, which is hard to do sometimes, but some topics are just heated and no one gets their mind changed on Facebook. They are only there to argue their point. Or if I just can.not.help.myself, and post a response....I've learned to post it and DO NOT CONTINUE TO RESPOND. I've said my point and if anyone wants to argue with me, I'm not playing. It's never a win. It frankly stresses me out to argue on Facebook. So I will read the replies, I hold myself back from responding. Again, I'm never going to change someone's mind who so aggressively attacks my opinions...so why bother conversing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
warneral Posted August 27, 2013 Share Posted August 27, 2013 No response! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
foxbridgeacademy Posted August 27, 2013 Share Posted August 27, 2013 Hmmmm, I've never had this particular problem.... maybe because I only converse with other HSers? LOL Seriously though, it's hard to hold your tongue while you know children are being treated badly by their peers and no one is going to do anything about it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snow Posted August 27, 2013 Share Posted August 27, 2013 To clarify, I agree about not engaging over FB. I mainly posted what I have said once before in person. FB is just people spouting off and I agree, no one has their minds changed there. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Farrar Posted August 27, 2013 Share Posted August 27, 2013 Get new friends? No one I know - with kids in public school or homeschool - thinks that way. People who think children deserve to be bullied aren't people I would personally want to hang around. I know some parents who think it's best to quietly support their kid from the sidelines and try to let it get worked out by the kids unless it goes too far, but I don't know anyone who thinks it's somehow positive. Of course, we all have friends who see certain things really differently, but we appreciate a totally different shared interest. And if that's the case, then pass the bean dip and refuse to talk about it. Or even say, "You know, we just see this differently. I don't want to talk about it because that will just make it harder for us to be friends." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HS Mom in NC Posted August 27, 2013 Share Posted August 27, 2013 When adults bully other adults they're charged with crimes, hit with lawsuits and/or face disciplinary measures with Human Resources at their companies. The bullies need to be dealt with in school so they're prepared for the real world where there are consequences for this type of behavior. I would no more put my child is a room full of addicts so she could "learn to deal with it" than I would put a child around a bully to learn to deal with it. I wouldn't throw my child into a lake so she could learn to swim. Learning involves instructions from someone in the know. Children left to themselves in these matters aren't being instructed-they're being neglected. So are the bullies. If, like so many parents claim, they're sending their child to institutional settings to learn to socialize, then a school not correcting the bully by actively teaching good social skills is negligent. Is that how they're "teaching" academics too? Just let the kids do whatever without instruction or correction? I want my tax dollars back! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kiwik Posted August 27, 2013 Share Posted August 27, 2013 A lot of people who seem reasonable in every other way (which probably just means they think like you) have this idea that being bullied is just part of life and you might as well learn to deal with it. You will have to learn to deal with bullies as an adult BUT I think that will be a lot easier if you have survived childhood with some self esteem and without developing maladaptive methods of dealing with childhood bullies. Some people are made stronger but hard experiences but most are further weakened. What doesn't kill you doesn't make you stronger it causes life long physical or mental damage. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ScarletJones Posted August 27, 2013 Share Posted August 27, 2013 I do not believe kids have to go through such stuff to become stronger and it certainly doesn't have to be any part of childhood. I am not saying anything different than what many have said here, just that it is the opinion of the adults who post such stuff. Have faith in the way you bring up your kids and no one's opinions need bother you. Not responding to create more controversies is the best way to deal with this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NicAnn Posted August 27, 2013 Share Posted August 27, 2013 Get new friends? " I know that this was said slightly in jest, but I really did find new friends because of situations like this. Over the years I've slowly surrounded myself with people who feel like me on most issues. I still seek out debate on a personal level, maybe through a book club or political meeting. But not with friends or about issues I'm unwilling to compromise on. Quality of life has greatly improved! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Berta Posted August 27, 2013 Author Share Posted August 27, 2013 My FB page is not open to family or "in real life friends". I have 18 people on my friends list and they are from an adoption group that I belong to. None live near me, most I have not met in person. I never had a FB page until the adoption forum decided to go to to FB instead. It's a closed group, and only these 18 people are in it. So it's not like my "real" friends are saying these things. I like these ladies, I don't want to leave the group so I think when it comes to them I will just keep quiet on this subject from now on. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
duckens Posted August 27, 2013 Share Posted August 27, 2013 Why argue? I just post peer-reviewed journal articles. But then I'm just a ______ like that. How dare I confuse the situation with facts and evidence!!! http://www.psychologicalscience.org/index.php/news/releases/far-from-being-harmless-the-effects-of-bullying-last-long-into-adulthood.html Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MommaOfalotta Posted August 27, 2013 Share Posted August 27, 2013 I dont reply to anything my friends post/say about public school. Its really hard as a homeschooler not to come off as "superior" when talking about a lot of these issues. I keep my mouth shut. If they bash public school, its fine. If I bash public school, people get defensive.. or feel the need to respond (and make themselves feel better) by bashing homeschooling. They know I homeschool.. so they know its an option and possible solution to whatever issue they are dealing with. I leave it at that. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
HS Mom in NC Posted August 27, 2013 Share Posted August 27, 2013 The OP asked how we would respond. If it were on my FB then I would respond as I posted up thread. If however, it was on someone else's FB page I wouldn't respond to it because I don't send my kid to ps. May God bless and keep the ps far, far, far away from me, amen! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Irishmommy Posted August 28, 2013 Share Posted August 28, 2013 I would tell them to make sure to let teachers and principals know that bullying is going on and needs to be stopped. With so many people taking DRASTIC measures to "get even" with bullies, there are many anti-bullying campaigns. You don't want your kids to grow up thinking they must just endure bullies or they may one day explode. I might also just say, BULLIES SUCK! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bobbeym Posted August 28, 2013 Share Posted August 28, 2013 Posts like that don't typically show up on my FB but if they did, I'd have to tell them that I respectfully disagree and encourage them to get actively involved with the teachers and principles at their DC's school to get it stopped, or at least monitored. Then I'm share links like a PP did that show how harmful bullying really can be. A dear friend of mine has a child that was horribly bullied by peers and teachers in elementary school. She got involved and it's made all the world of difference for his self-esteem. The bullying hasn't stopped but she knows who the kids are and will fight like crazy to make sure that her son isn't in a class with more than one of the bullies at a time, if even at all. Teachers and principles at her kids' schools have learned the hard way to not play games with her b/c she won't stop fighting for her DC. She's told me before that she'd love to homeschool her oldest but it's not a feasible option for them right now. He's in 8th grade now so she's hoping the situation improves itself as the boys all get older and start getting involved in separate types of activities. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RanchGirl Posted September 13, 2013 Share Posted September 13, 2013 Thankfully I haven't had to deal with that but I think I would respond something like "oh how upsetting! Poor Johnny. I hope that someone is able to resolve this soon. I was just reading an article about the damage bullies can do, you might find it helpful in dealing with the school and advocating for Johnny. here's a link..." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Camelfeet Posted September 13, 2013 Share Posted September 13, 2013 Get new friends? No one I know - with kids in public school or homeschool - thinks that way. People who think children deserve to be bullied aren't people I would personally want to hang around. I know some parents who think it's best to quietly support their kid from the sidelines and try to let it get worked out by the kids unless it goes too far, but I don't know anyone who thinks it's somehow positive. Of course, we all have friends who see certain things really differently, but we appreciate a totally different shared interest. And if that's the case, then pass the bean dip and refuse to talk about it. Or even say, "You know, we just see this differently. I don't want to talk about it because that will just make it harder for us to be friends." This is my experience as well. All my friends, both HS and PS'ers alike, think bullying is a serious issue and treat it accordingly. Maybe its the same train of thought as "Suffering is good for the soul" or "Poverty builds character"... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PachiSusan Posted September 13, 2013 Share Posted September 13, 2013 Your friends have drunk the Kool Aid of thinking that the only way kids grow up is to go through hell and toughen up. Well, I went through hell and didn't toughen up - it nearly destroyed me. You asked what I would do? I would leave it be and not even answer it. I have been blasted enough and been around the block long enough (at least on my list of "friends" that needs some pruning right now) to know that a home schooler answering ANYTHING about the negatives of Public schooling will get me nothing but my butt chewed out. :( Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kerileanne99 Posted September 13, 2013 Share Posted September 13, 2013 Interesting article in ScienceDaily this morning about bullying, and how anti-bullying programs in public schools can exacerbate the problem. At the end of the article they have outlined some risk factors: including the lack of support or action from parents! http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2013/09/130912203337.htm?utm_source=feedburner&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=Feed%3A+sciencedaily+%28ScienceDaily%3A+Latest+Science+News%29 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shawthorne44 Posted September 13, 2013 Share Posted September 13, 2013 I remember reading in ... I think Science of Childhood, that brain scans of children that have been bullied are different in ways that make them more prone to depression. I think the parents are experiencing Cognitive Dissonance. They sent their child to the school so either, They sent their child into a dangerous situation in which they could be harmed, and therefore they are scumbags who don't love their kids, or They sent their child into a perfectly normal situation, and while it may be painful for the short-term, the child will be better for it. It doesn't make it true, but who wouldn't rather think the latter? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommy22alyns Posted September 14, 2013 Share Posted September 14, 2013 You can't argue with stupid. I'd bite my tongue, roll my eyes, and scroll down. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nscribe Posted September 15, 2013 Share Posted September 15, 2013 I posted that and got lambasted by people saying my "over protected" kid is going to grow up not knowing how to handle aggressive adults in the workplace. Name calling by adults ("over protected kid") .... consider the source. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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