I just want the breathing techniques (baby #4 is due)

[CookieMonster]

TMI alert.  You're welcome.

 

So I accidentally had baby #3 medication-free.  I got to the hospital late.  By the time the epidural guy arrived I was almost done with transition.  So the pain-free labor I had experienced the first two times was not even an option.  I just had to finish transition and pop the baby out.

 

But there was this nurse.  This older nurse with big shoulders.  A labor and deliver nurse who told me to grab her shoulders, told me how to breathe, and reminded me to relax every time I wrenched my back into knot.  And to my shock, when I breathed as she said, 80% of the pain I was experiencing disappeared.  At the worst part of the contraction she let me squeeze her shoulders and groan/moan/yell.  The she reminded me to relax as the next contraction began (mine are always back-to-back, no break, at that point).  At some point my upset-with-me-for-waiting-to-come-in OB checked me and declared I was a 10.  I laid down, pushed, and was finished.

 

It hurt like crazy.  And I told everyone, "That's why women have epidurals!"

 

But, I've changed my mind.  Yes it hurt like I've never hurt before.  But, I don't care.  I did it.  I made it through.  And... it really wasn't all that bad.  Fun?  No.  Org-smic (like some claim)? Ha!  But, still, I did it.  I made it through.  I lived to tell about it.  And I want to do it again.

 

I figure it this way.  Some crazy women push themselves to run marathons.  26 miles of running!  That's crazy.  Medication-free childbirth ain't nearly as crazy as that.

 

Also, I've been watching Call the Midwife.  And I did read A Midwife's Tale back in the day.

 

But, here's the thing.  I've tried looking into finding out about the breathing the nurse made me do - to make it through the pain - and I can't seem to find such information extricated from a whole lot of other, unnecessary information.  I am not having a home birth.  I don't hate my OB and believe she is the devil incarnate.  I will not practice self-hypnosis, etc.  I don't need a bunch of new-age philosophy in order to be convinced that my body can give birth naturally.  I just want the breathing techniques and maybe other truly pertinent information.  For instance, some help with writing up an understandable birth plan would be welcome.  The one thing I really don't like about baby #3's birth was the panic of everyone (save the nurse) in the delivery room.  Everyone was like "Oh my God, she's in pain!?!" They even made me rush through the pushing because they were so freaked out.  I don't want a repeat of that.

 

Do you ladies have any books or websites you can direct me to?

 

[DarlaS]

Find that nurse and hire her as a doula?

[mamajudy]

Look up Lamaze method. Worked for me five times. Never had an epidural.

[CookieMonster]

Find that nurse and hire her as a doula?

 

I know, right?  I wish.  I do not live by that hospital anymore.

[ktgrok]

You need a doula. Someone to play the part of that nurse...to talk you through things as they get hard or crazy. A doula is worth her weight in gold.

[Matryoshka]

I'll second (third?) the Doula.  Indeed worth her weight in gold.

 

For natural childbirth, I took Bradley classes.  I found them very useful - just replaced "father-coached" with "doula-coached". :)

[CookieMonster]

Ok, this might sound weird, but the idea of a Doula makes me nervous.  All I can think is: Another person I have to get to know and be involved with?!

 

I have looked at a couple of books on Amazon about Bradley and Lamaze... There are quite a few and they seem to receive worrisome negative reviews... Like they are more of a morale supplement to a class you take.  I don't have time for a class.  I was hoping to find a good book I could read and utilize from the comfort of my home.

 

My husband coaching me is an option.  Although our roles are usually reversed in that respect.

[happypamama]

I would have someone show your DH what to do for you. Maybe a doula, maybe just some research on how dads can help in specific ways. We've never hired a doula, but part of that is because our midwives with our first took the role of the doula and suggested things to DH -- "put your hands here, like this, and massage her back," "get in front of her and make low moans for her to mimic, which helps her stay loose and relaxed," etc. I've needed his direct encouragement in different ways in different labors -- not as much with #2 and #3, but there was a while with #4 where I was at my end point, thinking I still had several hours left to go (I didn't; I had mere minutes but didn't know it), and I absolutely needed him to help me move from high-pitched moans to low ones. I've also needed him at times to rub my back or squeeze my hips. I think finding your DH some ways that he can help (more than just saying, "you're doing great," which is important but sometimes not quite enough) will help you a lot.

[ItoLina]

Ok, this might sound weird, but the idea of a Doula makes me nervous. All I can think is: Another person I have to get to know and be involved with?!

 

I have looked at a couple of books on Amazon about Bradley and Lamaze... There are quite a few and they seem to receive worrisome negative reviews... Like they are more of a morale supplement to a class you take. I don't have time for a class. I was hoping to find a good book I could read and utilize from the comfort of my home.

 

My husband coaching me is an option. Although our roles are usually reversed in that respect.

 

Do you have a close friend or relative that has been through natural child birth and would be willing to act as a doula for you? I ended up calling a good friend at the last minute to come to my first birth. She was not a trained doula, but had been through 2 natural childbirths herself and I know I could not have done it without her support. I feel it is really nice to have someone other than your husband there. It was hard for my dh to stay calm and see me in pain, he gets so caught up in that emotion, it's hard for him to focus on my needs :-) Also, when I was at my wits end and screaming that I couldn't do it anymore, she was willing to look me in the face and basically say, "suck it up lady, you have to. " DH definately wouldn't have been able to do that, but it was what I needed to hear at the time. ;-)

 

Anyway, I highly reccomend either getting a doula, or finding a good friend to act as one if that is more comfortable for you.

 

Also, IMHO you don't need to get super caught up in one particular type of breathing, or positions, or anything else. Your body will know what to do and you will do what you have to do to get through the pain because you have to. Also, what worked last time won't necessarily be the best thing this time because each birth is different. It is more important to have the support system there, people to help you find different things to try (lay down, stand up/walk, bounce on the ball, etc.) and to create a calm atmosphere. Just my 2 cents.

[HS Mom in NC]

1. Deliver with an OB that has experience with natural childbirth and you won't have the panic that comes from lack of experience with undrugged birth from the staff.  Seriously.  It's not unusual for a typical OB in America to have never witnessed an unmedicated childbirth. Sad but true. 

 

2. Hire a doula.  If you want a woman trained and experienced with a long list of things other than drugs that help women cope with the pain of childbirth, then why not hire doulas who are specifically trained and experienced with a long list of things other than drugs that help women cope with the pain of childbirth?  Reading about it is better than nothing, but better than nothing is never better than hiring a professional with experience and expertise in the very thing you're looking for. 

 

3. Having a fast labor last time does not mean you will have another fast labor this time.  Every woman should assume she will go 42 weeks long and have a long, slow hard labor and she should plan accordingly. That way, if that happens, she's prepared and if it doesn't, it will be a pleasant surprise. Oh, and when people ask you what your due date is, tell them the day you complete week 42.  That way they won't say annoying, demoralizing things like, "You haven't had that baby yet?" on your due date or a week after.

 

4. Always seek out a birth environment open to all positions and birth options: water for labor and/or delivery, a birthing stool for upright delivery, walking, rocking, birthing balls, etc.  Every baby will be positioned differently and every labor will be different.  Be prepared to adapt to every possible position and option.  Don't assume one no drug delivery is characteristic of all no drug deliveries. What helped with one can have no effect at all on the next.

 

5. Bradley Childbirth Classes (good ones anyway) will give you medical reasons unmedicated, unmanipulated deliveries are better most of the time.  If you're going to a hospital and you really want a no drug delivery, take the Bradley Classes and follow the advice you're given in them.

[Sara in AZ]

Bradley classes are fantastic. There is a lot of good info in "Natural Childbirth the Bradley Way". Another book that helped me the last time around was "Birthing from Within", lots of great pain management ideas in there. Preparing for natural childbirth definitely beats having it sprung on you. Good luck!

[rjand6more]

I have always had good luck by breathing in S-L-O-W-L-Y as the contraction is beginning and at the peak, breathing out S-L-O-W-L-Y concentrating on keeping my leg and arm muscles from tensing.  Dh often will say " remember to loosen up".  It helps SOOOO much.  Instead of tensing up(which works against contractions) I wiggle arms and legs, etc.  Also, someone told me before my first(which was my only pain-medicated birth)  to use each contraction by pushing through it, even early on.  I have had 6 babies with labors from 2-3 hours and only ever needed stitches once(due to a sneaky episiotomy by a sneaky OB- :glare: )  I contribute that to these techniques.

 

Good luck! 

[MerryAtHope]

Find that nurse and hire her as a doula?

 

HA! That's exactly what I was going to suggest!  A good L/D nurse or doula is worth her weight in gold!

[Monica_in_Switzerland]

My suggestions:

 

- A doula or a close friend or relative who has had a baby naturally and won't discourage you from doing it

- It's not the breathing, so much as relaxing.  By focusing on your breathing and relaxing your muscles, you let your body do the "real" work of getting the baby out.  There are various ways you can have a friend or your husband relax you: 

    -Have them count down, one count for each slow, even breath you take, starting from 20. 

    -Have an image, such as imagine blowing gently on a candle- hard enough to make the candle dance, but not hard enough to blow it out.

-Moaning and open throat deep noises are all GREAT for relieving pain and opening the cervix. 

-Have someone remind you to relax your shoulders and your thighs at the beginning of each contraction. 

 

Sometimes, just having a baby naturally once is all that you need to be able to do it again!  Good luck!

 

[strange_girl]

Breathe slowly. Take long, deep breaths. Focus your mind on keeping your body relaxed. Practice now! don't wait until you're 5 cm and starting to feel like this was a bad idea, lol. I don't think there are special techniques for that...I think you need to find what works for you in the moment. That great nurse just helped you find that!

 

I've had 3 med-free and the bulk of what I've learned can be summed up like this: every labor is different and you need to do what feels right. Here are some of my favorite labor activities:

 

Walking. Very good for bringing that baby down.

Standing still but rocking my hips side-to-side. Don't ask. It just felt good.

Laboring in warm water. Takes the weight off your back. Especially good for hard back labor.

Drink lots of water. Sitting on the toilet is actually very effective, lol.

During the really bad contractions (such as transition) I stand behind hubby and massage his back. This one is great for everybody...he gets a deep tissue massage from a moaning woman and I change my focus from the pain to him. :)

Don't push while lying on your back, if you can help it. It's the worst position. If your ob/midwife will let you, try squatting, or on all fours, or lying on your side (my personal fave).

 

Okay, so that was a lot of unsolicited info...sorry :)

You're going to do great! I've never had an epidural, so I can't compare, but I did have three very uncomplicated and very wonderful births, and I wouldn't have changed anything. What's a little pain, right? Childbirth is doable. And without medication, I was up and around within a few minutes. That's what I liked! I didn't even have an IV with the last one. That was really nice!

[CookieMonster]

Do you have a close friend or relative that has been through natural child birth and would be willing to act as a doula for you?...I feel it is really nice to have someone other than your husband there. It was hard for my dh to stay calm and see me in pain, he gets so caught up in that emotion, it's hard for him to focus on my needs :-) Also, when I was at my wits end and screaming that I couldn't do it anymore, she was willing to look me in the face and basically say, "suck it up lady, you have to. " DH definitely wouldn't have been able to do that, but it was what I needed to hear at the time. ;-)

 

No.  I do not have any close female relatives.  My family prides itself on drama.  The only one I can think of who has done natural childbirth has... issues... and has said some very odd things about pregnancy and child rearing to me.  She also was critical of my breastfeeding.

 

This is what I am worried about with DH.  His first idea of supporting anyone is to just do the job for them.

[ktgrok]

I know a doula seems like someone you have to get to know, but seriously, they will be as involved or laid back as you want. So if you just want to meet once, say yup, ok...you will do, and then have her show up when you are in labor, you can do that. If you don't need her she will stand in the corner quietly. If you do, she will be right in your face helping you keep your sh#t together. I've had 3 unmedicated labors....the second I had a midwife's assistant that was a trained doula and she was amazing...I hired a doula for my third and it was such a good decision. I've never known anyone to regret it. My area now has an "on call" doula program, so you can actually just call one in while you are laboring at the hospital.

[CookieMonster]

1. Deliver with an OB that has experience with natural childbirth and you won't have the panic that comes from lack of experience with undrugged birth from the staff.  Seriously.  It's not unusual for a typical OB in America to have never witnessed an unmedicated childbirth. Sad but true. 

 

4. Always seek out a birth environment open to all positions and birth options: water for labor and/or delivery, a birthing stool for upright delivery, walking, rocking, birthing balls, etc.  Every baby will be positioned differently and every labor will be different.  Be prepared to adapt to every possible position and option.  Don't assume one no drug delivery is characteristic of all no drug deliveries. What helped with one can have no effect at all on the next.

 

I love your list of suggestions.  Thank you for all of them.  You are so right, especially, on #2.

 

I have to say, though, the two suggestions I have quoted just throw me for a loop.  I have available to me, medical-wise, whoever lives in the area and whatever hospitals have been built by other people.  With the changes in medical insurance this year in the US I have been surprised by what isn't covered anymore in maternity care.  I want to do what you say, but I really am more at the mercy of the system than anything.  Or at least that's how I feel.

[CookieMonster]

There are so many great replies here.  Thanks for the advice and encouragement.  I will look into Bradley, Lamaze, and Doulas in my area.

 

Any other advice or encouragement is welcome.

[ktgrok]

I'd get a copy of Ina May Gaskin's Guide to Childbirth...you can skip the hippy 70's stories at the front if you want, and just read the practical stuff in the back. Blowing through my lips like she talks about helped a LOT. As did water...for my first and last that meant staying in the shower, for my 2nd it meant a birth pool type thing.

[Carrie12345]

This is what did it for me.

http://www.amazon.com/Natural-Childbirth-Bradley-Way-Revised/dp/0452276594/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1374929596&sr=8-1&keywords=bradley+birthing+method

 

Dh wasn't, um, "active" help. I'm not a doula-type person. I've never had time for classes. But this book, backed up with my previous experience (an epidural birth and a stadol birth), was plenty to get me through the next 3 births (from an easy peasy delivery to an induction turned complicated) without any pain drugs.

 

It really does give great advice for changing your mind's perspective as well as active coping techniques. At least, it did for me! I just ignored the stuff that didn't interest me.

[YaelAldrich]

I would agree getting a doula is really if you are confident you can hold it together to make it through labor.  But I would suggest Ina May Gaskin's second book http://www.amazon.com/Ina-Mays-Guide-Childbirth-Gaskin/dp/0553381156/ref=tmm_pap_title_0?ie=UTF8&qid=1374931043&sr=8-1 if you want to know why having a unmedicated birth is good stuff.

 

Now from my experience (I have had four natural labors):  I stand and rock my hips around like a hula dancer while singing songs (any songs or positive phrases) in a low-pitched voice.  You need to keep your mouth and throat loose and open to keep your other sphincter (your cervix) open.  For me, breathing is good, but singing is better.

 

Good luck and my you hold your baby safely as soon as s/he needs to be out of momma!

[Catherine]

Bradley method relaxation techniques. They worked beautifully for me. You'll still hurt but the fear will be gone. Your fear will be better this time anyway because you've already done it once and you'll sense when it's so bad you can't handle it-that means you're minutes away from being done.

[Ellie]

Bradley classes are fantastic. There is a lot of good info in "Natural Childbirth the Bradley Way". Another book that helped me the last time around was "Birthing from Within", lots of great pain management ideas in there. Preparing for natural childbirth definitely beats having it sprung on you. Good luck!

 

:iagree:

 

I did Lamaze with both of my dds (unmedicated births. Yay me.). Then I went to one Bradley class with a friend (long, irrelevant story), and was totally sold on Bradley. The whole birth experience discussed in that Bradley class was completely different than what was discussed in Lamaze. If I'd had more children, I would have done Bradley.

[HS Mom in NC]

I love your list of suggestions.  Thank you for all of them.  You are so right, especially, on #2.

 

I have to say, though, the two suggestions I have quoted just throw me for a loop.  I have available to me, medical-wise, whoever lives in the area and whatever hospitals have been built by other people.  With the changes in medical insurance this year in the US I have been surprised by what isn't covered anymore in maternity care.  I want to do what you say, but I really am more at the mercy of the system than anything.  Or at least that's how I feel.

 

This is why Bradley childbirth classes and doulas are essential for undrugged deliveries in hospitals. They have lots of experience at births in all environments and with lots of OBs.  If you ask them with whom and where they would deliver if they were pregnant, they can give you names and locations.  If you take a passive role and just hope things will work out, then do what you did before, wait until just before the baby comes to go in to the hospital to increase your chances of an undrugged delivery. 

 

To take an active role, get good medical information about how and why to deliver undrugged (Bradley Classes) in the vast majority of cases, get a list of OBs and hospitals from people knowledgeable in undrugged deliveries (doulas and Bradley Childbirth instructors, La Lache League leaders off the record etc.) who have actual experience with those OBs skillfully providing undrugged deliveries and make the switch to one of theose OBs and locations on the list, then chances will be much higher you'll get an undrugged delivery. 

 

The other option is to deliver at a free standing birth center (not the same as a hospital or a birthcenter) or at home with a midwife. Those two options always do undrugged deliveries. If you need medical intervention that can't be done at the free standing birth center or at home you can be transferred to a hospital even in a severe emergency with a good outcome for mom and baby.  BTDT with my middle child.

[ItoLina]

I agree that if you have to birth in a hospital that is not used to a lot of natural births (instead of a birth center, or as I was lucky to experience, the rare hospital that encourages natural birth) a doula is going to be essential. They will advocate for you and make sure your wishes regarding your birth experience are carried out when you and likely you dh :-) are unable to do so. They are so worth the money.

[boscopup]

I only attended one Bradley course, and then my baby decided to come at 29 weeks (I was planning out of hospital birth with a midwife.. baby changed our plans). My instructor stopped by one afternoon to give DH and I a "crash course" in the method, just a few hours before my son was born. This was very helpful to my DH especially, since he hadn't done all the internet research on natural childbirth that I had done. ;) I've now given birth drug-free 3 times - one in hospital and 2 out of hospital (with a midwife). The things I did all 3 times that helped were to breathe deeply and try my best to relax. If you tense up, you will feel more pain. If you scream, that causes your body to tense up, but if you moan/groan, that helps you relax.

 

For position, do what YOUR body is wanting you to do. If you feel like you should be upright, get upright. If you feel like you should be on all 4's or laying down or whatever, do it. If something feels wrong, change position.

 

Another thing that especially helped me my first time, was the idea that when I feel like I can't do it anymore, I'm probably in transition and it's almost over.

 

Finally, when it comes to pushing, if you want to avoid tearing, LET YOUR BODY DO THE WORK. Your body will push without you actively trying to push, and there is no reason in a normal delivery to push as hard as you can as quick as you can to get baby out right away.

 

I will ditto the suggestion to have a doula, especially if you aren't taking a class like Bradley. The doula is just there to support you. She does nothing medical. She gives you suggestions of positions that might make you more comfortable. She might take over for your DH while he goes to get a bite to eat. She might apply pressure or massage where you need it. She might stand in the corner and stay out of the way if you aren't currently needing anything. She's there for you. It would be better if you got to know her (and she you), but I suppose if the nurse you'd never met was able to help you, so could a doula you've only met once. ;)

 

You can do it! :D

[Candid]

Read the Bradley book and find a Bradley class. They are effective. 

[Matryoshka]

I will ditto the suggestion to have a doula, especially if you aren't taking a class like Bradley. The doula is just there to support you. She does nothing medical. She gives you suggestions of positions that might make you more comfortable. She might take over for your DH while he goes to get a bite to eat. She might apply pressure or massage where you need it. She might stand in the corner and stay out of the way if you aren't currently needing anything.

 

Or in my case, she might tell the b*tchy L&D nurse to get the heck away from me!  Not all of them are as wonderful as OP's, and you get who you get.  The L&D nurse with my twins was snide and dismissive.  As soon as doula arrived, she was on one side of me and dh on the other and no more negative energy!!

[CookieMonster]

Oh, dear.  This is getting complicated.

 

I went to the library and came home with some books.  Read The Official Lamaze Guide first.  Was glad for the evidence-based approach, with just a toe-dip in the collective consciousness vibe.  A lot of what I read resonated with me.  I was really disappointed though that no specific information was given about breathing/laboring techniques.  I have to find a class for that.  Skimmed The Everything Birthing Book.  Tried Birthing a Better Way but was gagging too much 1/2 way through it.  There were no Bradley books at the library.

 

The first thing I did was go to my birthing center website and fill out my birth plan.  All the special interventions or non-interventions I wanted are "only available with a midwife."  Crap.  What does that mean?  I have tried contacting various entities but am getting conflicting information about what it means and what I need to do.  It would be easiest, probably, to call my OB's office, but I already know better than to upset the apple cart unnecessarily with doctors.  And part of me would feel... very weird... dumping my OB who was with me during my serious complication in early pregnancy.  On the other hand, at the past two appointments, she hasn't even remembered who I was.

 

I tried to find a Lamaze class in my area.  A nice Lamaze teacher answered me.  There is a class I could squeeze in before my due date, but the coach must attend classes with me.  *If* I have a coach, it'll be my husband, who can't attend with me, because we couldn't find childcare for our three other children three Wednesday nights in a row.  Mmmmkay.

 

I have looked for doulas in the area.  There are 2 that I can find using a web search.  I am still not quite sure about how/where a doula would or wouldn't fit into all this.  I would have to start contacting them and asking a lot of questions.  But, I hate tying up people's time and energy when I am still totally unsure about what I, myself, am going to be needing.

 

I also found a nice midwifery practice that does homebirths that looks enticing.  But, I don't know if my previous complication prevents a homebirth, don't know if I am too far away from them (might be), and don't know how I would handle that with my insurance.

 

I am tired of making inquiries and phone calls.  I am tired of juggling the choices.  And I am throwing a pity party for myself over my lack of available support and the fact that my careful choosing of a birth center w/ all the desired amenities early on has turned out to do nothing for me.

 

It was such a good idea to wait until I was 30 weeks pregnant to start all this investigation!  :glare:

[happypamama]

The only way to find out if a midwife can take you for a homebirth is to call and ask. Different states and different types of midwives can handle different things. Some insurances will cover homebirths, especially if the midwife is a Certified Nurse Midwife (my first homebirth was covered in full by my insurance), but even if the insurance doesn't cover a homebirth, if you have a high deductible anyway, a midwife actually may not be very different in cost (although if you transfer to the hospital, you may end up needing to pay for the midwife AND the deductible). My CPMs have not been covered by insurance, but they also have not been anywhere near as expensive as my CNMs, and they can take moms on a case-by-case basis, rather than by a strict definition like CNMs. (For instance, my CNMs couldn't accept VBAC moms, per their legal requirements, but my CPMs could if they felt that a mom was otherwise low-risk.)

 

I'm sorry this is becoming a headache for you! I do understand that, since my midwife for #3 and #4 stopped doing any prenatal/birth stuff a year or so ago, which left me with few options for the #5 due any day. But I am happy with the midwife I did choose, and I feel peaceful about it all. I hope you are able to find the right option and enjoy the last few weeks of your pregnancy!

 

Also, "too far" might depend on how fast your labors typically are and all. Midwives in this area don't consider an hour away to be too far. Every mom ought, in my opinion, be prepared for an unexpected unassisted birth, even without her husband/partner, just in case (and generally if babies come *that* fast, they do just fine anyway). But call and ask!

[ktgrok]

ok, first, don't feel bad about changing doctors if you want to. Like you said, yours doesn't even know your name. Seriously, you will remember this birth the rest of your life. He won't remember it by the next day. His feelings won't be hurt. He won't even notice.

 

Second, call the doulas. You are not wasting their time, they are birth junkies that love to talk about this stuff, love to help women figure this stuff out, and will be more than happy to help you navigate these waters. Also, they know that choosing a doula is very personal, and won't take it badly if you don't use them, they are used to that. Call them.

 

The midwives, you have to just call and find out. Most do free consultations, so take advantage of that. You sit, ask your questions, and it is all free.

 

Good luck!

[Hwin]

Definitely meet with a doula or two, and bring your husband along.

 

I feel like my doula helped me labor in a mostly hands off way, and encouraged my husband so he was able to be supportive in the way I needed :)

 

 

[HS Mom in NC]

Oh, dear.  This is getting complicated.

 

I went to the library and came home with some books.  Read The Official Lamaze Guide first.  Was glad for the evidence-based approach, with just a toe-dip in the collective consciousness vibe.  A lot of what I read resonated with me.  I was really disappointed though that no specific information was given about breathing/laboring techniques.  I have to find a class for that.  Skimmed The Everything Birthing Book.  Tried Birthing a Better Way but was gagging too much 1/2 way through it.  There were no Bradley books at the library.

 

The first thing I did was go to my birthing center website and fill out my birth plan.  All the special interventions or non-interventions I wanted are "only available with a midwife."  Crap.  What does that mean?  I have tried contacting various entities but am getting conflicting information about what it means and what I need to do.  It would be easiest, probably, to call my OB's office, but I already know better than to upset the apple cart unnecessarily with doctors. 

 

I wouldn't give 2 cents for what an OB has to say about midwifery care.  They don't know anything about it.   If you want to know about midwifery care, talk directly to a midwife.

 

 

And part of me would feel... very weird... dumping my OB who was with me during my serious complication in early pregnancy.  On the other hand, at the past two appointments, she hasn't even remembered who I was.

 

This is the single biggest problem with women getting the appropriate care.   Women get an irrational (sorry, but it's true) emotional connection to a medical provider and assign loyalty to them for no good reason.  Your OB probably doesn't provide the type of labor and delivery care you want.  You're not in a emotional or any other type of interpersonal relationship with her.  This is medicine and business.  If you want midwifery type care, call a midwife.  If you want obstetrical care, call an OB.  If you want Mexican food, go to a Mexican restaurant.  If you want French food, go to a French restaurant.  Don't insist on going to the French restaurant and expect the chef to make you tacos and enchaladas-he doesn't do that there.  He wasn't trained to do that.  Odds are not good that even if he says he'll try that you'll really get what you want considering the odds are slim he's ever done it before.

 

I tried to find a Lamaze class in my area.  A nice Lamaze teacher answered me.  There is a class I could squeeze in before my due date, but the coach must attend classes with me.  *If* I have a coach, it'll be my husband, who can't attend with me, because we couldn't find childcare for our three other children three Wednesday nights in a row.  Mmmmkay.

 

I have looked for doulas in the area.  There are 2 that I can find using a web search.  I am still not quite sure about how/where a doula would or wouldn't fit into all this.  I would have to start contacting them and asking a lot of questions.  But, I hate tying up people's time and energy when I am still totally unsure about what I, myself, am going to be needing.

 

A doula will have a big bag of tricks in helping you cope with the stress of labor that doesn't involve drugs or surgery-that's how she fits into all this. You're still in, "I don't know enough to make a decisions right now."  That means you'll have to talk to someone who DOES know enough to help you with a decision about a doula-that would be the doulas.   They know full well some people will interview them and hire them and some (like me) will interview them and not hire them. ( I was having a homebirth adn didn't want to be talked to or touched in labor.) This isn't a dating relationship or a betrothal  or a family relationship, it's business and medicine. There are no obligations to follow through, not one will feel betrayed if you opt out.

 

I also found a nice midwifery practice that does homebirths that looks enticing.  But, I don't know if my previous complication prevents a homebirth, don't know if I am too far away from them (might be), and don't know how I would handle that with my insurance.

 

Again, the only way to find out is to find out.  Don't sit passively by waiting for the information to come to you, you have to go and actively seek it out by the most knowledgeable person out there-the midwife.  A significant part of  a midwife's time  is spent answering questions about medical history, eligibility, insurance payment, etc.

 

I am tired of making inquiries and phone calls.  I am tired of juggling the choices.  And I am throwing a pity party for myself over my lack of available support and the fact that my careful choosing of a birth center w/ all the desired amenities early on has turned out to do nothing for me.

 

Women need to be outraged that there are not as many options available in some areas as there should be-even options they would never choose for themselves. That's the fault of legislators, insurance companies, lobbyists for the medical profession, etc.

 

However, we also need to recognize our responsibility raise each generation of girls to be proactive and informed about their choices and to expect to do a lot of leg work to find an option that fits their preferences.  Most people won't complain about the research and work that goes into choosing a high ticket item like a vehicle or house because they expect to do it.  Many will, however complain about the research and work it takes to find a birth attendant for one of the most significant events of their lives because they didn't expect to have to do it.  It's good to raise our kids to expect to find things out, weigh options and make decisions based on things other than impulse, emotion, social norms, convenience, etc.

 

It was such a good idea to wait until I was 30 weeks pregnant to start all this investigation!  :glare:

 

Yes, it's late to start, but it's not too late.  You can still call today to set up interviews with a couple of doulas as soon as they're available.  You can still call the midwife today to set up an interview with her as soon as she's available.  Your kids can be present with the doulas and the midwife. You can still order and read the Bradley book (classes are better, but the book is better than nothing.)  and have it shipped to your house by express mail in the next few days or by regular mail in the next week. You can still call a LLL number in your area and ask for contact information  speak to a leader off the record about natural (undrugged) labor and delivery recommendations. 

 

 

 

 

 

[CookieMonster]

Sorry, should have been more clear I guess.  I am trying to find out what the birthing center's policy is regarding these "midwifery only" options and whether that means I get a birth-center midwife to work with my OB, if my OB can actually authorize these things, or if I have to dump my OB and only use a midwife.  I wasn't asking for my OB's opinion on midwives.

[Sara in AZ]

It is a big pain to do all that work, but so worth it to get the birth you want. I think I was 25 or so weeks last time around before I even saw any medical provider because I wasn't sure who to see and i probably spent too long wondering before i started searching for answers. I really wanted a home birth, but had some complications in my history that I worried might would risk me out. I interviewed several midwives before I finally chose one and figured out what to do. During my first pregnancy I jumped ship from my OB to a birth center midway and had just enough time to squeeze in the 12 weeks of Bradley classes before DD was born (3 weeks early, so I was maybe 25 weeks when I switched.) Do what you need to do to be happy with this birth! Good luck getting the answers you need!

[Shifra]

Bradley classes are fantastic. There is a lot of good info in "Natural Childbirth the Bradley Way". Another book that helped me the last time around was "Birthing from Within", lots of great pain management ideas in there. Preparing for natural childbirth definitely beats having it sprung on you. Good luck!

 

The book that Sara suggested Natural Childbirth the Bradley Way has many of the relaxing exercises for you to practice before you go into labor, the thinking being that if you practice them, you will remember how to do them during birth. If you could tape yourself reading those instructions (or have your husband read them to you) and practice every night, you will be ready for what comes!

 

I also read The Birth Partner by Penny Simkin and found it very helpful.

 

I had great luck using "imagery" during my first birth--imagining a place that I felt safe and happy, which for me is by the water (I imagined standing by a creek with my husband by my side; today I would probably imagine being at the beach). While using imagery, you concentrate on your breathe, breathing slowly "in through your nose, out through your mouth". Hurried breathing can induce panicking, which is not what you want.

[boscopup]

FWIW, you can have an OB *and* a midwife at the same time. Your insurance may only pay for one, but you can use both. Since my first pregnancy resulted in a 29 weeker preemie and I had no OB (was planning an out-of-hospital birth) and was assigned to "whoever was on call" (aka, not a fun experience), I used an OB for prenatals with the 2nd and 3rd pregnancies while also seeing my wonderful midwife. Both of those pregnancies were successfully out-of-hospital (homebirth with a trained attendant is illegal in my state, so I have to drive 15 minutes north to a state that allows CPMs... sigh). My OB knew that I wasn't planning to have him deliver unless there was a problem that necessitated a hospital birth. He was cool with it. Note that most OBs in my area wouldn't be cool with that, but if you have a birthing center with midwives, your OB may be more amenable to it. In my state, it's hard to even have a CNM deliver in the hospital - an OB has to stand over them, which is pointless and a waste of money.

 

Anyway, if you're at all interested in using a midwife, call the midwives and talk to them. They don't mind taking time out to talk to you. :) In fact, my midwife met us at Steak N' Shake for lunch to discuss things, since my DH wasn't real sure about out-of-hospital birth that first time. I was very newly pregnant, and we hadn't made a decision on care providers yet. We had a nice, long talk. My DH's questions were all answered. We ended up using her and being very happy with her. I still talk to her at times, and I haven't had a baby for 4 years now. :) Unfortunately, my insurance didn't cover midwifery care, so we paid out of pocket, but yeah, depending on your insurance plan, it can sometimes still be cheaper. My insurance would have covered a hospital bill 100% or close to it, I think, though my preemie birth did require us to pay more than what we paid for a midwife (my DH never did tell me how much we paid, but that child is paid off, so we own him free and clear :lol: ). A homebirth is usually no where near what a hospital charges for a normal birth. My midwife charges a little over 15% of what the hospitals in my area charge, so if I had an insurance that made me cover 20%, I'd actually be better off doing the homebirth paid out of pocket. :tongue_smilie:

 

So get on the phone girl, and don't be afraid to call doulas, midwives, birth center, all that. All these people should be used to people calling and asking questions about their services. :) And it's not too late to make a change until you hit labor. ;)

[mamakelly]

I took a crash lamaze class that included specific "breathing" like you described with my fist one. It was awesome. Then for my 2nd I took this bradley class that told me not to breath with a pattern and to "relax" through everything, HA! The Lamaze breathing was awesome, and it totally worked better. ITA with the others who suggested a good doula. She'll do the job of that nurse :-)

[AFwife Claire]

The book that Sara suggested Natural Childbirth the Bradley Way has many of the relaxing exercises for you to practice before you go into labor, the thinking being that if you practice them, you will remember how to do them during birth. If you could tape yourself reading those instructions (or have your husband read them to you) and practice every night, you will be ready for what comes!

 

I also read The Birth Partner by Penny Simkin and found it very helpful.

 

I had great luck using "imagery" during my first birth--imagining a place that I felt safe and happy, which for me is by the water (I imagined standing by a creek with my husband by my side; today I would probably imagine being at the beach). While using imagery, you concentrate on your breathe, breathing slowly "in through your nose, out through your mouth". Hurried breathing can induce panicking, which is not what you want.

I've had 9 natural, unmedicated births, most of them in military hospitals.  I found The Birth Partner to be very helpful, and it's what I recommend to a lot of the first-time moms who come over and talk through natural childbirth with me sometime in their last trimester. I have several handouts and whatnot I give out and talk through--I wish you lived close to me!  :) 

 

I tend to breathe really deeply and slowly as long as I can.  I focus on something like a spot on the wall, and just go really deep within myself.   I switch positions a lot, and do a lot of the asymmetrical swaying and rocking to get the pelvis to open up and the baby to be able to do all the swiveling he needs to do to be born.  I also drink liquid calcium during labor, which helps.  Then when I get to transition, I usually lay on my left side, so my husband can put his fist in my back and give me counterpressure during contractions.  Sometimes I have to breathe faster and shallower to stay in control during the really intense contractions. 

 

Like others have said, though--each birth is so different.  You just never know!  With my last birth (#9!), the baby just would not move down, and I would not dilate more than 6, even though I felt like I was going into transition.  It was the middle of the night, and I was really tired, so I asked about trying an epidural.  I figured I might as well scientifically compare!  Well, they decided to put an internal monitor on the baby's head before giving me an epidural, so that took a little while.  After they got that hooked up (and confirmed I was still at 6 cm), I rolled over to wait for the epidural guy to come, had one more contraction--and felt the urge to push!  The doctor confirmed that I was in fact complete, and the baby was born about 4 minutes later!  I say it's so the birth stories don't get mixed up!  :)

[mamajudy]

As Claire said, breathe slowly for as long as you can. I started with 4 seconds in, 4 seconds out. A ticking clock helped. And focus on something in front of you - a picture, a spot on the wall, whatever. It's very important to focus in order to stay in control. As the contractions become more intense, your breathing will get faster, but as the contraction subsides, slow it down again. Eventually, you will be breathing 1 second in, 1 second out, or faster. But continue to focus each time. You can do it!

[HS Mom in NC]

Be prepared to be flexible about patterned breathing based on what your midwife is observing in your labor. If you choose to use Lamaze be aware than some birth attendants will insist you stop doing patterned breathing if it decreases oxygen to the baby before they resort to putting an oxygen mask on you or if patterned breathing causes adrenaline fueled behaviors in mom during labor.  We were warned about that specific issue in our birth classes my homebirth midwife had for her clients.  If patterned breathing works better than deep, slow, even breathing (she will tell you that's the exception, not the rule) and mom and baby are doing just fine with heart rates, blood pressure, etc, the do it.  If it causes problems, you'll be instructed to stop doing it and focus on slower, deeper, breathing techniques.  If during labor you tend to hold your breath (like I tended to do) or breathe too slowly you may be instructed to do more patterned breathing until you get the hang of doing it on your own fairly regularly without following the pattern.  If you're doing higher pitched vocalizations, you may be instructed to put your chin on your chest and make lower pitched moaning sounds to help you focus on using your lower muscles more effectively.

[homeschoolkitty]

sorry. did not read all responses. short time to be online right now. BUT I just had my 4th child w/out any medication. the 1st I had epidural after 2 nights of drug free laboring in the hospital. by baby was born 2 hr after that. the rest were no meds!

I used the Bradley Method basically the class helped me learn to relax every muscle. taught my hubby to see when I am not relaxed and where I need to relax, like I am ckinching my teeth, etc. have your partner place an ice cube somewhere in your body lightly and then pick it up and you learn to relax.

when your hubby is asleep look at his breathing. that is what you need to immitate. belly rising and lowering not chest breathing.

 

start w/20 kegels. then work your way up to 100 then practice a kegel closing and then a pushing up. try to do this all the time.

 

SO when the pain comes you treat it as that icecube, then continue in a sleeping position continuing your breathing asleep kind breathing rythm. then the pain increases...you can voice your pain with head to chin if you are sitting. low moaning.

that's all I can write for now.

[Sara in AZ]

sorry. did not read all responses. short time to be online right now. BUT I just had my 4th child w/out any medication. the 1st I had epidural after 2 nights of drug free laboring in the hospital. by baby was born 2 hr after that. the rest were no meds!

I used the Bradley Method basically the class helped me learn to relax every muscle. taught my hubby to see when I am not relaxed and where I need to relax, like I am ckinching my teeth, etc. have your partner place an ice cube somewhere in your body lightly and then pick it up and you learn to relax.

when your hubby is asleep look at his breathing. that is what you need to immitate. belly rising and lowering not chest breathing.

 

start w/20 kegels. then work your way up to 100 then practice a kegel closing and then a pushing up. try to do this all the time.

 

SO when the pain comes you treat it as that icecube, then continue in a sleeping position continuing your breathing asleep kind breathing rythm. then the pain increases...you can voice your pain with head to chin if you are sitting. low moaning.

that's all I can write for now.

Another Bradley technique that seems silly, but really helped me prepare for all of my births was to have DH pinch me somewhere. Over the course of 30 seconds to a minute he'd gradually increase the pressure until it really, really hurt and then back off again. This sort of mimics the wave effect of a contraction as it comes on and reaches it's peak and then ebbs. Clearly the pinching was no match for a real contraction, but the idea of knowing you are going to reach the crest and that you can hold out until it ebbs combined with the focus of relaxing every muscle just a little bit more that Homeschoolkitty talked about can be really powerful.