How do you tell others 'why' you HS without sounding judgmental?

[Ecclecticmum]

The truth? Number 1, I like to homeschool. I like spending time with my kids, and I love seeing the "aha" moment when they get it. I also love tailoring the curriculum to them, not having them in a box where they can't suddenly stop and head off down a trail that interests them, or get told off for doing something non-waldorf, non-montessori, non-traditional, or plain non-normal :p

 

We did plan to have our eldest go to school back in 2011. I spent 2010 and before homeschooling prek (but she did go to a pre-k program twice a week). Spare time in 2010 was spent researching all the schools within several suburbs (country). And spent going to school interviews, filling out enrolment considerations, attending open days.

 

The truth is I am picky. I want a school that will teach my child well, pay attention to them, and allow them to do the things they love. Had I been in the capital, there was an amazing school there with a circus group, she would of love to have gone to that school. As it was I came up with 3 school options: One was a strict christian school a couple of suburbs away (this would of caused problems with afterschool etc) but it was full and I would of had to delay her a year to enrol her a year after. Anther school was a beautiful christian-values school, the equipment was brilliant, the rooms were beautiful and everything was enviromentally friendly, we went for two interviews, and although I liked the school, I was not fond of the principal (which also meant I may not have been fond of the teachers either) and some of the rules were weird. My daughter wasn't allowed to have her hair growing past her shoulders, for instance (it was barely passed her shoulders at that time), the principal advised us of this the same time as glaring at my daughters head. There were numerous other requests (a uniform for mom, that had to be worn at all times within the vicinity of the school) it was just too weird, such a shame lol (I did have conservative hair at the time, but I am known to suddely dye it or cut it weirdly. I mean could you imagine their faces if I strolled upto the school in my gothwear and with the rainbow hair I had not too long ago? ROFL). The third was the school we decided upon, which was a public school, the teachers were warm and caring, they had multiple musical groups available from K onwards, there was all sorts of extracurriculars as well. I knew my daughter would fit in there, and it was close enough for DH to drop her off on the way to work, and for me to pick her up each afternoon.

 

Then....we moved. LOL. A couple of suburbs away into real farmland, middle of nowhere. DH would of had to have gone the wrong way to drop her off at school, then doubled back. Plus she would of probably been at before and after school care, plus needed a babysitter outside of those hours. In other words, she would of never been home, and it would be too long for a child to be stimulated for. There is a tiny school near hubbys work, another few suburbs away, but it has NO GRASS. As far as the eye could see, was concrete....yuk.

 

So we ended up continuing with HS.

 

Short version: I'm picky and my kids like hs-ing. Done. :D

[Donna]

I say we tried it during a "gap year" for my oldest because he had a late birthday and missed the cut-off for K after 2 years of preschool so we decided to give it a try, like it, and just kept going. It works for our family's lifestyle.

[happypamama]

I usually just say something like, "it was the right choice for our family." But if anyone knows my kids at all, it becomes fairly apparent that a brick-and-mortar classroom setting wouldn't be a great fit for my older two -- one is super active and would really not fit in a classroom very well, and one is very shy and was absolutely not ready to go off to school at five. I was already planning to homeschool before I had kids, but especially for my second child, I'm really glad I already had decided on that option. He truly needed some extra time to be little, and he needed to wait until 7 or so to read and do math and everything, because he just wasn't ready. At 8, he's matured and is thriving and happy; of all the things I will ever regret in my life, keeping him home and letting him take his time will never be one of them. I hate to use the "special needs" sort of thing, but neither of my big kids would have fit well into a classroom setting and thrived, and that seems to be slightly more acceptable, unfortunately, than "we chose it as a lifestyle."

[J-rap]

I just tell people, "We thought it would be a fun thing to do, and it is!" :)

[Murphy101]

I don't explain unless asked.

 

My peeve is when they try to sell the local schools on me. To change my mind or maybe just to convince themselves? Idk

 

For those folks I just wait them out and say I went to these schools K through 12 and that experience is why I will never send my kids there. And my brief experience sending my own to other districts solidified my desire to never use a public school k-12 again.

 

I don't need them to agree to strike a friendship and if they do need that then I suppose we were not destined to be BFFs. :)

[Arcadia]

I've never had this question from a hostile person though. Everyone has been genuinely curious, and some have later thought about it for their own kids.

 

 

Same here, I only get asked by people who really want to know. Most of my neighbors kids are in private school so no one question why my kids are not in B&M public school. Our assigned school is a Performance Improvement (PI, 3rd year) school which contributes to people not sending their kids there.

[Catherine]

I am very good at making my case when given free reign to speak however I like, but I am not good at phrasing things diplomatically. So I run into the problem of how to explain my reasons for homeschooling to other parents without sounding like I am saying the education their kids are getting is sucky.

 

Does anyone have any advice? I know, of course, that I don't have to justify my decisions to anyone. But I would like to get better at having this conversation when I am asked by other parents in an earnest way what my reasons are.

 

It would be easy to lie and say it was due to my son's learning disabilities or something to that effect, but I'd like to make a convincing case that is true without being offensive.

 

Unfortunately the truth is that I think the education I am giving at home is way better than the education kids are getting in school, and I don't know how to say that politely (especially to other parents who have kids in the local public school.) The school here is very good, so most parents are not un-happy with it.

 

ideas?

 

 

I haven't read a single response, but I just want to pop in to say that I notice that your children are still pretty young. I've been homeschooling a child, or multiple children, for 8 years now (a fraction of what many on these boards have done!), and I truly don't believe that homeschooling is the only answer for every child at every time in their life. Heck, SWB doesn't even think this! LIsten to her video, linked on her blog, to hear her thoughts on this.

 

What I'm saying is that you may find that your attitude may change. And to answer your question, I tell people who ask the truth, for me, which is that I am teaching my son because I don't think his needs would be met, ideally, in a conventional school in our area. Anyone who knows us knows that was definitely true for my eldest child, the one who started us on this journey, so they generally believe me. He had a terrible time in school until I took him out as a seventh grader. So for us, it's definitely possible to be honest and not offend.

[Ellie]

 

 

My peeve is when they try to sell the local schools on me. To change my mind or maybe just to convince themselves? Idk

 

 

 

When I was a baby homeschooler, a neighbor invited me to speak to her preschool parents group. I mentioned that I had withdrawn my daughter from a private school to begin homeschooling. One of the parents asked why I didn't send my children to our neighborhood public school. I said that I didn't have much faith in it. She said that in that case I should move. I said that I couldn't afford to move. She said, "Well, I guess it just depends on what your priorities are." :blink: :001_huh: Um, ok, I'm teaching my children at home, where we are together all day long. All by my onesie. When I could be putting them in this preschool and then in public school, so I could have my free time. Yeah, my priorities are skewed. :glare:

[Mommy22alyns]

IRL, I've only been asked by genuine people, no ill intent. I basically just say that Rebecca was already reading before K and I thought her needs could be better met at home. Online, I've seen more than a few hostile people, so I generally just say that it's what works best for us. I go into it as little as possible because some people are just spoiling for a fight.

[jujsky]

I tell people I'm against the No Child Left Behind Act and I feel it's dumbing down education. It may sound judgmental, but they're the ones asking. If they didn't want to know, they shouldn't have asked.

[Miss Marple]

I try to figure out what the other person's attitude is towards it/me before answering. I have a couple of standard answers:

 

1. I'm just so self confident that I figured I could do it as well as anyone else (this to the person who has an obvious bias against me)

2. It was just the natural progression of raising and training my kids. We just took it a year at a time and ended up at graduation. (this to the person who is truly asking and seeking information)

3. Well, the public schools in our area are not known for their academic programs and the private schools are in another town and too expensive so I though that I would give it a shot and it has worked out well. (this to a person who isn't involved in our public schools :) )

 

I've been known to say, "no one cares more for my children's academic success than I do so we did what we thought best in the situation" and "If I can potty train them, I can teach them to read. If I can teach them to read, I can teach them algebra". It's always handy to have a "success" story as well (it's nice to tell folks that my oldest graduated from college and is debt free due to all the scholarships he received and is employed in his field).

 

I'm not a hard-core "everyone should do this" homeschooler and I was never "called by God" to homeschool. I get few questions except by those really seeking information anymore because we live in an area with lots of homeschoolers and most people know that we have college degrees heaviy in the maths and sciences which, for some reason, seems to placate folks.

[duckens]

I have not read the other responses.

 

If I am worried about conflict, I say:

 

"It's what works for us!"

 

"If I sent the kids to school, then who would fetch the bonbons????" (Paraphrased from someone's signature here on WTM).

 

"For the money. And the glory."

[stripe]

Ah, well, people tend to decide for me why I am homeschooling. Ha. My kid's pediatrician seems to have her own explanation that is a bit insulting, but oh well. Not many people I meet casually know much about me or my education, and I think they tend to think I am not very well educated or thoughtful. I generally find such people so insulting that I feel little incentive to talk about anything with them. However, I have had a few intelligent conversations with people that were enjoyable.

[Koerarmoca]

I have it a bit easy having a somewhat medically fragile child, I can use the "she can't handle all the exposure to the germs, so we just decided to bring the whole family home for school and it's worked out well" that is partially true at least but sometimes sparks questions about her health and I don't like to discuss that with the average Joe. That is more so something I say to family/friends (many of which are PS teachers)

 

When talking to total strangers at say the park or store. I usually just say something along the lines of working at our own pace, needed 1 on 1 attention etc.

[WTMCassandra]

"If I sent the kids to school, then who would fetch the bonbons????" (Paraphrased from someone's signature here on WTM).

 

"For the money. And the glory."

 

 

These are priceless!

:lol: :lol: :lol:

[Jayne J]

I generally laugh and say that the student-to-teacher ratio is much better at home. Said with a grin, it usually makes people laugh and move on unless they are trying to start something, at which point I move to, "It works for our family and we really love it." Honestly, what I usually get is more along the line of "I wish I could homeschool mine but..." I generally just reply with a vague mmm hmm, but I often wonder why people say it.

[Greenmama2]

Honestly, what I usually get is more along the line of "I wish I could homeschool mine but..." I generally just reply with a vague mmm hmm, but I often wonder why people say it.

Oh gosh yes, this os what I really don't get. WHY do people say that?

[weederberries]

Oh gosh yes, this os what I really don't get. WHY do people say that?

 

I've always taken it as a way for them to validate my choice, but excuse themselves from the guilt they are already feeling about theirs.

 

This is a broad generalization, but I've come to this conclusion after having many conversations with other parents. Most people in the world have never given homeschooling any significant thought. I'd guess that most those who have, dismissed it quickly with an excuse. Homeschooling requires sacrifice. Each family sacrifices differently, but the sacrifice of career, money, time to pursue adult interests, unwillingness to pursue educational goals for oneself and many others are immediate stumbling blocks to potential homeschoolers. I see this response as a reaction that illustrates their priorities. Whatever excuse they give for not being able to homeschool is what they value more than the benefits you and I see to homeschooling. Once, I actually agreed with someone who said they wished they could homeschool, but... They had a very good reason not to do it (I can't remember it now). Most of the time, I make a gentle comment like, "it's a sacrifice" and then I change the subject. The bottom line is that I don't want anyone to organize my priorities for me, so I have to be ok with the priorities others choose. I choose my words carefully to not cause undue guilt, but I can't help it if their own conscience is prompting them to look deeper at their priorities. ;)

[MrsBasil]

In my case, when people ask why I'm planning to homeschool, I can say that DH has a non traditional schedule and it will ensure that the kids are off when Daddy is.

 

I've gotten some questions about why DS isn't in pre school and I try for the vague answer, but inevitably, they ask if I plan to keep going. I have other, bigger reasons, but this one is completely non confrontational and,so far, people have understood.

[twoxcell]

I don't unless someone specifically asks, I know them well, and they are sincerely interested. I really have never had to go into it yet.