Mother of the Bride dresses

[Lady Florida.]

I am so grateful we didn't have any MOG/MOB drama with our wedding last June. I was MOG...I immediately started looking around for dresses, I asked my dil what her mom would be wearing, and I was told to just get whatever I wanted in any color and not worry. MOB is known to be a little indecisive and needed plenty of time to make her choice. I think I chose my dress before she chose her dress, but it was all with the knowledge and approval of my dil and her mom. It is wonderful when families work well together...

 

Yep. The point is you asked first.

[Miss Marple]

Yep. The point is you asked first.

 

The funny thing is that I didn't know that was the proper way to do it. It just seemed to be part of the communication process. I hope all the subsequent MOG events (I will always be the MOG) I have will be as easy as the first one :) I'm still worried about some young lady asking me to be in pale yellow or lavender chiffon with a matching parasol :svengo:

[Ellie]

They called it old-fashioned for a reason. These newbies didn't make up the custom. They're suggesting a MOG follow the older custom.

 

The *older* custom is that the MOG/MOB choose their dresses without checking in with the bride or each other. :-)

[Danestress]

 

Yep. The point is you asked first.

 

 

Yes, I think it is a nice gesture to ask the MOB generally about whether she will wear a long or short gown and to get an idea of the degree of formality. I don't think it is a "rule" though, that the MOG can't buy a dress before the MOB.

 

I just think it is silliness for a bride to think that she can dictate what color her groom's Mom wears or for the MOB to think the MOG is really going to wait to buy a dress while the MOB waits until the last minute. Wouldn't have happened here. All of this makes me appreciate my son's very low maintenance, low key bride. Thank God for small blessings.

 

Interestingly, I just has lunch with a friend who is the MOB but there is also a StepMOB, MOG and StepMOG. Can you imagine trying to figure out the pecking order there? No one is going to wait until three women announce their dress choices.

 

But I do have to ask, if all these women are buying clothes at Nordstroms or Macys, aren't they worried that at a wedding, someone else will wear the exact same dress? My friend chose a beautiful dress, but it was from a national apparel brand. I did't ask her, but I have to think that if there are 300 guests, the odds that one of the female guest will wear the same thing is higher than I would be comfortable with.

[Lady Florida.]

 

The *older* custom is that the MOG/MOB choose their dresses without checking in with the bride or each other. :-)

 

 

I give up. You can be right if you want. It's not that important to me.

[Ellie]

I give up. You can be right if you want. It's not that important to me.

 

 

OK. :D

[Trilliums]

Phew!

 

When (or IF) my boys get married, I am definitely posting here every step of the way to make sure I do not unintentionally commit any faux pas. I had no clue it could be so complicated and that the MOG's actions could be so scrutinized.

 

None of things came up at my wedding...but who knows what kind of wedding my sons will have.

 

Good luck with the dress selection. I like to read these posts to look at links of dresses. :)

[freesia]

http://wedding.thekn...oom-attire.aspx

 

Q. What’s the dress-buying protocol for moms? Do you need to coordinate outfits with the mother of the bride?

A. It’s customary for the mother of the bride to purchase her dress first. Her choice is meant to subtly dictate what the mother of the groom will wear and set the tone of the attire. This may seem a bit old-fashioned, but we suggest you at least have a conversation. Get a sense of what she’s wearing (length, color, style) before you buy your dress. Then you’re free to find something similar that you’ll feel comfortable wearing.

This isn't new etiquette, it's quite traditional. My very traditional mother was a bit put out that my MIL wore a long dress after she (my mother)chose a short dress. My MIL didn't "know" the etiquette; my mother found that hard to believe bc "everyone" knows that the MOB dictates the style. Now I see that "everyone" doesn't know/agree. LOL (FWIW she was raised in the mid-Atlantic states by "old money" parents from Illinois and Baltimore).

[Lady Florida.]

Now I see that "everyone" doesn't know/agree. LOL (FWIW she was raised in the mid-Atlantic states by "old money" parents from Illinois and Baltimore).

 

 

I've never heard of anyone who didn't know about it until this thread. I was raised in the mid-Atlantic states by "no money", 2nd generation Americans, solidly working class, children of European (Ireland and Italy) immigrants.

[Jennifer3141]

I give up. You can be right if you want. It's not that important to me.

 

You know what I love the most about you, Kathy? You are just a classy person. You present facts and you let them speak for themselves, even with people for whom facts are unimportant. And then you walk away smiling. I don't know if that came with age or you were born with it but it is just beautiful to see.

 

And it shines a light on those without it.

[Guest inoubliable]

You know what I love the most about you, Kathy? You are just a classy person. You present facts and you let them speak for themselves, even with people for whom facts are unimportant. And then you walk away smiling. I don't know if that came with age or you were born with it but it is just beautiful to see.

 

And it shines a light on those without it.

 

Truth!

[Orthodox6]

 

 

Yes, I think it is a nice gesture to ask the MOB generally about whether she will wear a long or short gown and to get an idea of the degree of formality. I don't think it is a "rule" though, that the MOG can't buy a dress before the MOB.

 

I just think it is silliness for a bride to think that she can dictate what color her groom's Mom wears or for the MOB to think the MOG is really going to wait to buy a dress while the MOB waits until the last minute. Wouldn't have happened here. All of this makes me appreciate my son's very low maintenance, low key bride. Thank God for small blessings.

 

Interestingly, I just has lunch with a friend who is the MOB but there is also a StepMOB, MOG and StepMOG. Can you imagine trying to figure out the pecking order there? No one is going to wait until three women announce their dress choices.

 

But I do have to ask, if all these women are buying clothes at Nordstroms or Macys, aren't they worried that at a wedding, someone else will wear the exact same dress? My friend chose a beautiful dress, but it was from a national apparel brand. I did't ask her, but I have to think that if there are 300 guests, the odds that one of the female guest will wear the same thing is higher than I would be comfortable with.

 

 

A good post.

 

For my own wedding, I veered far from "customary". I dislike -- resent is more accurate -- the practice of sentencing bridesmaids to purchase and wear identical dresses which 99% of the time are ugly, overpriced, and look badly on one or more of the bridesmaids. As a graduate student, I could not afford to pay for much, let alone bridesmaids dresses. I called the women together and asked them to go shopping together and buy something they all could afford (as inexpensive as was possible) and that all could feel good about themselves wearing. They found a beautiful, inexpensive dress, and each of them looked wonderful.

[Miss Marple]

 

A good post.

 

For my own wedding, I veered far from "customary". I dislike -- resent is more accurate -- the practice of sentencing bridesmaids to purchase and wear identical dresses which 99% of the time are ugly, overpriced, and look badly on one or more of the bridesmaids. As a graduate student, I could not afford to pay for much, let alone bridesmaids dresses. I called the women together and asked them to go shopping together and buy something they all could afford (as inexpensive as was possible) and that all could feel good about themselves wearing. They found a beautiful, inexpensive dress, and each of them looked wonderful.

 

 

I think this is becoming more and more customary - at least at the last 4 or 5 I've attended in the past 3-4 years. My dil did the same thing - she asked the girls to get a dress that looked good on them either in yellow or red - colors which all the girls looked good in. They all had different styles of dresses (she did ask to approve the dresses because a couple of the young ladies are known to veer towards the more...um...non-classy looks). All the girls said they could re-wear their dresses and both MOG and MOB had dresses that could be re-worn. The bride found her dress on a $99 clearance rack because there were few size 4 brides locally that year :). It was a beautiful wedding.

[G5052]

Yes, FWIW my mother and his mother briefly spoke by phone when we got engaged (my MIL called my mom). and then didn't confer at all on the wedding after that. That phone call didn't go well :huh:. We told them the colors and what the bridesmaids were wearing, and they did their own thing. And it was fine.

[trinchick]

IMO the fact that the bride's family traditionally hosts the wedding would dictate that the MOB would determine the formality of the attire. As the hostess of the event, the MOB would be the one to decree if the event/festivities would entail afternoon tea, cocktails and hors d'oeuvres, or white-gloved plated service, each of which would have an appropriate degree of attire. I don't think that the tradition calls for the MOB to dictate to the MOG color or style, but certainly formality, e.g. evening, cocktail, daytime, etc. Really, traditionally, the MOG is just a guest at the MOB's party - albeit a very honored guest.

 

And I suspect that, traditionally, the conversation between MOB and MOG would not entail a discussion of length/style of dress. Instead it may be something like, "We thought we'd have cake and punch in the church hall after the ceremony," and the MOG would be able to infer that a ballgown would not be appropriate. Alternatively, the MOB might say, "We'll be having a five-course dinner at the Waldorf Astoria," and the MOG would then be able to select an outfit suitable for that setting.

 

Of course, nowadays, weddings are hosted/funded quite differently (sometimes the bride's family, sometimes the couple, sometimes a collaboration of both families). But at any rate, I think that the custom of MOB establishing the formality of the dress stems from the previous tradition of the bride's family hosting the event. He (or she) who pays the piper calls the tune.

[JumpedIntoTheDeepEndFirst]

I think the idea is for the MOG to give the MOB first dibs on a color, style, etc. I suspect that is slowly going by the wayside as long as everyone is on board with the bride as to the type of dress (ie formal gowns, cocktail, garden party, skydiving suits, etc.) FWIW I still can't get used to the MOB or MOG wearing black (unless the bride is doing a black and white theme with bridesmaids in black etc.)--it always seems like a funeral joke against the new SIL or DIL. But that is my own personal hang-up.

 

For a dress-we recently looked at a bunch at JCrew for my dd for an upcoming event. They have many lovely dresses in a rainbow of colors in each style (lots of pastels). I noticed that lots of stores/catalogs carry one style in only one color these days. They aren't cheap but would certainly serve as a nice dress for many occasions to come. Please ignore the bridesmaid part and look anyway. My mom would tell every MOB (and probably MOG but she lacks sons) to have a pair of flats that look nice/passable with your dress in addition to what ever fancy heels you choose. She says its a long day and feet start to hurt-it was a relief to have something more comfortable to wear during the early moments before going into church and later in the evening.

 

And most of all relax and have a wonderful time-congratulations!

 

http://www.jcrew.com/wedding/Wedding_Bridesmaid.jsp

[HappyCrazyMama]

ITA. This feels to me like a, "Everyone knows this!" situation. I get to go first with DD and I hope when DS gets married that I can invite the other mother to lunch and talk about what we're going to wear and how awesome our kids are. :)

 

I never heard of it until this thread and I know this didn't happen for my wedding. :confused1:

[PrincessMommy]

My only daughter was married a little over two weeks ago. I love color also and wore this http://shop.nordstro...esultback=2419.

Eta: I agree that many Mother of the Bride dresses look dreadful.

 

 

totally agree. don't go to the bridal area. Go to the part of the store that sells cocktail and party dresses. These are slightly dressier than work/church dresses. That's where I found my MOB dress a few years ago. It was in a soft pastel blue.

[Kelly1730]

Having been a MOG twice now, I have that role down pat. Shut up, Smile and Wear Beige (in my case, champagne for one, cream for the other;). I was happy to do so. My current role as MOB is slightly more stressful and I, for one, DO NOT CARE what the MOG wears! Honestly, I have a few other details to worry about. I haven't chosen my dress yet and maybe she is waiting on me, I don't know. But she can choose long, short, black or tangerine, I don't care! I was thrilled to have a dd after 3 sons but honestly, I'm glad that she is my only dd. I'll be happy to smile, shut up and wear beige from now on:)

[8circles]

If I ever get to be MOG, I think I'll wear lime-green. Or bright orange. Because I like it. Hopefully, my fDILs will be cool with it.

 

No, I probably won't. But it's fun to imagine & I'm feeling a little fiesty.

 

ETA: Oh, & I laugh loudly when I'm nervous. That ought to be interesting. Don't think I could stop that one. Smiling, I can do. :D

[briansmama]

I say ditch the MOB type dresses and go for something classic. Have you been to Anne Taylor? I love those dresses, and you can find one that has nice details in a gorgeous spring color (like a berry color).

[AMJ]

When DH and I were married my MIL told me that MOGs are supposed to wear beige and keep their mouths shut. I told her she can wear whatever she likes, and she'd better NOT keep her mouth shut. DH and I had enough to do, and our wedding was quite a simple one. All hands on deck, I told her.

 

Since my Mom, my sis, my BF-sis-of-my-heart, and BF's daughter (one of two flower girls) all lived out of state I decided I didn't want to figure out how to arrange dresses. I found a tea-length dress at Foley's (off the rack) and paid a friend from work to make minor alterations. I declared that since ours was an autumn wedding the colors would be autumn, and sent everyone money for dresses and shoes and told them to pick something autumnal that they liked and would wear again. We even had a morning wedding and lunchtime reception, so all of my out-of-staters would be able to drive back to their hotel in the daylight (and the road system here is VERY confusing to those not accustomed to it, so that was a concern).

 

Simple and inexpensive enough we were able to afford to fly in some friends who otherwise would not have been able to make it. Then we splurged on Super Ambassador passes at the Polynesian Cultural Center. That got us our own personal guide, front and center seats to EVERYWHERE (the flame dancer was twirling those things RIGHT ABOVE our heads -- eek!), and a whole lot of fun!

 

Sorry for the ramble (reminiscing is nice!). Congrats to you and the bride (and all the others here)!

[AMJ]

Mob and Mog are not going to be in the pictures that are hanging on your wall.

 

 

They are in our wall pictures! But then again, DH and I just don't seem to follow the "rules".... We even had a minister say we shouldn't get married and predict it would fail in 3 years (12 years and counting...). And as DH is a dog and I am a dragon on the Chinese zodiac placemats at Beijing restaurant we are supposed to avoid each other according to that source, too.

 

Viva la indifference! Wear something you like, and enjoy the day!

[Liz CA]

MOB in theory sets the standard for the length of the dress and probably has first dibs on a color. I was in discussion some times with the Mob or MOG if that applied as to what we were wearing, but certiainly each chose their own.

 

SOmetimes they all choose to wear the same color, and the same length, but I don't know that it really matters. Mob and Mog are not going to be in the pictures that are hanging on your wall. Wear what works in your family pictures.

 

 

 

Seriously? You mean if my son's future mother in law is wearing a short dress, I have to go along with the style??

[Liz CA]

 

The *older* custom is that the MOG/MOB choose their dresses without checking in with the bride or each other. :-)

 

 

 

I like this better. :) :)

Would be something if they inadvertently chose the same dress! :lol:

[AMJ]

 

I've never heard of anyone who didn't know about it until this thread.

 

 

I had never heard of it, until my MIL tried to tell me about beige and keeping quiet. Just couldn't see that with her, and didn't want it.

 

Of course, there's a LOT of rules, I'm finding out, that we were blissfully unaware of at the time, and many more we chose to simply ignore.

Register for wedding gifts? My DH and I met in college and knew each other 10 YEARS before we tied the knot. We needed to cull the household stuff, not add to it. We asked for family pictures and stories. Most gleefully complied, creating some quite nifty books for us. Other crafty aunts made us quilts, afghans, and such. I LOVED our presents, and didn't need or want to return a single one!

Bride's family pays for it all? Please! see reason above (10 years as productive adults, blah blah, blah). Dad still found his way to shine as FOB (he and Mom had special roles in our ceremony), and we didn't stress his opinion of our choice of venue. (He was aghast we weren't getting married in an actual church, until I explained that we were flying in Aunt Pat to do the ceremony. Well, apparently family trumps architecture!)

Guys rent, girls buy and never wear again? DH and his brothers all had matching suits worn for both brothers' weddings, and DH's other groomsman bought a suit (out of state and not having seen the other suits) that was strikingly similar. I sent money to the gals and told them they'd better pick something they like, autumn colors (no further specification).

We made bouquets and flower baskets from artificial flowers (certain family still has theirs), and bought grocery store roses to strip for petals for the two flower girls to throw.

 

I remember reading the Little House books when I was a kid. Laura Ingalls got married in a black dress. Back then every woman had to have a good black dress ready to hand in case she had to go into mourning, and these and wedding dresses took a lot of work. If it wasn't possible (sometimes due to lack of appropriate materials, sometimes due to the newly married couple setting off quickly to a distant place) to have a wedding dress ready in time then the black dress was next in line and considered the most appropriate option.

 

The best advice I'm reading is have friendly talks with your soon-to-be family, like what you wear, and have a good time.

[KatieJ]

 

 

Seriously? You mean if my son's future mother in law is wearing a short dress, I have to go along with the style??

 

 

I am not saying you have to at all. I am saying there is/was discussion about lengths and color.

My point was that the MOG and MOB are probably not going to be in the same picture on your wall forever.

 

Wear what you want.

[freesia]

 

 

Seriously? You mean if my son's future mother in law is wearing a short dress, I have to go along with the style??

 

If you are going by "tradition," yes. However, nowadays folks don't always follow the tradition (or apparently know about it.) It's worth talking to your future "in-law" so you don't step on toes, though.

[Trilliums]

testing

[Trilliums]

Is this too low cut for a MOG dress?

 

http://www.jcrew.com/wedding/Wedding_Bridesmaid/silkchiffon/PRDOVR~66737/66737.jsp

[G5052]

totally agree. don't go to the bridal area. Go to the part of the store that sells cocktail and party dresses. These are slightly dressier than work/church dresses. That's where I found my MOB dress a few years ago. It was in a soft pastel blue.

 

Yes, my mother got a party dress, and then wore it several more times on cruises for the fancy dinners.

[TKDmom]

 

Because the bride is the queen of the day, and her mother gets first dibs on everything. I believe the rules for the mother of the groom are:

 

1. Sit down.

2. Shut up.

3. Wear beige.

 

I cannot WAIT to be the mother of the groom. Seriously. This mother of the bride stuff is a huge pain! I'm so glad my other two kiddos are boys!!

 

:lol: My MIL practically planned my wedding for me. We were in college and getting married in dh's hometown (2000 miles away from my hometown). My parents supplied the money, my MIL provided all the labor. So don't get too comfy. You may end up with a thoughtless DIL like me who's too busy to plan her own wedding. ;)

[Danestress]

Is this too low cut for a MOG dress?

 

http://www.jcrew.com/wedding/Wedding_Bridesmaid/silkchiffon/PRDOVR~66737/66737.jsp

 

 

I don't think so, but you would have to try it in to see how it looks on your body. I think it is beautifully and has a nice lady-like look.

[Starr]

Is this too low cut for a MOG dress?

 

http://www.jcrew.com...66737/66737.jsp

 

 

 

Try it on. It looks great to me.

[JumpedIntoTheDeepEndFirst]

Is this too low cut for a MOG dress?

 

http://www.jcrew.com...66737/66737.jsp

 

 

How funny--that is the exact dress my dd picked for her event. IMHO it is not too low cut for a MOB/MOG dress (or my 9th grader wouldn't be wearing it). It is lovely in person-flowing but not full or tight. My dd needed a small alteration and the tailor suggested putting a small stitch at the cleavage to keep it shut rather than trusting the wrap style-that would be easy to do at home. I think it could be great for a day or evening wedding.

[bobbeym]

I'm loving this thread. DS and fDIL (aka, DD) want to get married early this summer, despite (or perhaps to spite) threats from her mom/sis to never speak to her again if she does.

 

She's already decided that I get to play the role of MOB/MOG regardless of whether her mom shows up or not, so it'll make my dress shopping all that much easier. :laugh:

[kewb]

My only daughter was married a little over two weeks ago. I love color also and wore this http://shop.nordstro...esultback=2419.

Eta: I agree that many Mother of the Bride dresses look dreadful.

 

Love this. I just ordered it to wear to an affair. I am hoping my bOOks don't look like they runneth over.

[Trilliums]

I don't think so, but you would have to try it in to see how it looks on your body. I think it is beautifully and has a nice lady-like look.

 

 

 

No weddings actually planned around here. DS #1 is 16 yo and still hasn't gotten over the whole exchange of bodily fluids part of kissing much less intimate relationships. He also refers to everyone is gender neutral terms.

 

I thought it looked nice but wanted to see where it fell on the board's general opinion on acceptable for MOB/MOG, since I know little about proper, traditional or even modern etiquette.