Vent (long) & ???

[suzziesnowflake]

I just need to vent. I have hs for almost 4 years for my oldest DS(14) and 2 years DS (11). The oldest has dyslexia among other learning issues and the youngest is dyslexic also but not as bad. They are overall good kids but...

I don't know if it is the March blues or what but I am thinking about putting them in school after Easter Break is over. We just had a week long break at Disney (Yay!) but unfortunately it has made me realize how burnt out I am. We started back yesterday for a 4 day week (today is co-op so no teaching today for me) and it was awful. I have taken breaks before and I know it can be difficult to start back so I didn't expect too much from them. Here are my problems and hope someone out there can help me by offering advice (hey, I have my flame suit on too!)

 

My kids are lazy (I hate to say it but I would never say it to them). I feel as if I have for the last 2 of the 4 years pushed and pulled them through school and I am exhausted. They have no desire to learn anything!! Unless of course it is how to beat a video game. This is what I have tried and this is what I got from them:

 

Changing curriculum to better suite their learning styles (did lots of research and it is hands on)-They thought it was stupid (my youngest just scribbles down a picture and turned it in and told me it was too easy)

 

Changing curriculum for more interest lead letting them pick things that interest them: Yea, umm not going to happen,the very least amount of work is what they would turn in.

 

Changing to a more structured curriculum: Whining!!! Everyday!! Not gonna learn, just not.

 

I have tried rewards and punishments to get these kids moving. My youngest has no problem telling me that the school did a better job and when I try to show him something he just tunes me out. (I know some of it is ADHD but come on!) He says he can do it or that his old teacher from 2 years ago showed him how to do it (umm no he didn't) then he gets mad when he has to redo it because he got it all wrong. Just no motivation.This kid is very very smart!

 

My oldest is a teen and he is wanting to spread his wings (I get this) but he also has an LD. He wants no help from me, Period. He NEEDS to discuss things to understand them better. Right now he is doing lit and science at co-op. He is enjoying the classes but has no motivation to do the work. If I ask him if he got it done he tells me I am hounding him and he is capable. He really needs someone to proof read his work (I am NOT the only one willing to do this, he has lots of people to turn to) but he won't. He tells me he doesn't need to write, learn science, math or anything because he is going to build guns for a living. Ok, hey this is your passion (not mine and not the rest of the family) and I am ok with this but you still have to write legibly read and do math. This is why I am debating on putting him back in school. I think we have come to a point where I can no longer teach him or at least he no longer wants to learn from me. He is very dependent on me for everything else, just not school. So much potential but no motivation. Even the OG tutor I had for him said he was a lost cause because he lacks any motivation and maybe someday he will want to do it.

 

 

I pulled my oldest dc from ps because he was so depressed and the special ed teacher was a bully (his words) and when it was apparent that the school would do nothing for him. I pulled my youngest b/c the school did not want to test him and he was really being bullied (he was beat up by 4 kids at the same time at a baseball game, long story) and the school was doing nothing for him.

 

Attitude is a problem around here, theirs and mine. I am tired of pushing, pulling, researching everything to death, just to make school better for them.They are both academically behind so the oldest would be pushed through school and the youngest will have to do the same grade again. Their goal is to slap down something on paper and call it done! No learning because it is home SCHOOL. I have asked them if they wanted to go back and they both say NO but I can't do this anymore. My dh supports whatever I want to do. I really do not want to send the back but I may have no choices!!

 

Does anyone here police the I-pads and videos for a 14 year old. I expect to do it for a 11 year old but not a 14 year old. If I don't take them then that is all they will do day in and day out! How do you give more freedom to a kid that all he wants to do is play videos all day?

[elizabeth rose]

I don't know if this will help ,much, but one thing I had to do with my then middle schooler right before she started high school, was to make a rule that there was to be absolutely no electronics, like computer, whatever, until all work was done, and done properly, not slopily, lazily, what have you. My dd's 8th grade year was horrid. She tried to do the least amount possible from a previously self motivated kid, this was a shock. Your younger ds is probably feeding off his older brothers behaviour. if I were you, I would probably turn into a major you know what and lay down how things were going to change.

I know this is really tough for you, sending hugs your way!

[ktgrok]

I police videos for my 13 year old. Of course I do! He knows no video games until schoolwork is done for the day. (he does get a break at lunch he can use for games, but that is it, and honestly sometimes I have to take that away). Kids with ADHD mature more slowly when it comes to executive function. He is showing you he can't regulate his games, so you have to do so.

[LinRTX]

I would most definitely police electronics for a 14yo. If they were in school, they would not be able to play video games all day.

 

I have been known to had back a poorly done math assignment by tearing it up and throwing it in the trash. Then I turn to the child and say I need your math lesson turned it neatly and completely. I want it readable and with all steps shown. I also want your answers checked, because I am the grader, not the one who does the initial checking.

 

It only takes a few days of this and the attitude changes. (I even do it if I don't get to checking until the next day -- and then the child has two full days of math to do in one).

 

I reteach if they do not understand, but I don't take laziness and sloppy work. I am preparing them for life and no employer will hire them and keep them working if they do not do the work well.

 

My children know two phrases well -- Mama doesn't spoon-feed answers and No checking the boxes for done until it is done well.

 

Hope this helps

Linda

[AMJ]

LOTS of hugs to you. And I'm following the discussion for any and all suggestions made -- with DD11 and DD8 I will undoubtedly run into teenage attitude, too.

 

You are brave and wonderful, and whatever you decide will be for the best.

[8filltheheart]

I'm not sure you will like my answer but I am the "batten down the hatches" sort of mom. There would be NO electronics of any sort.....computer/ipad/tv/phone, etc until they were earned by both quality of work and proper attitude toward me (they can dislike school......you can't force someone to like something, but they must treat mom with complete respect. Period.)

 

That will create temporary &%$, but that is why we have the toughest job on the planet. ;)

 

Next, I would create a specific learning environment. School work is done in public space, not in their bedrooms, etc. They sit at the kitchen table (or wherever) and they work under parental supervision. Be present.

 

I would also write contracts with them. Have expectations clear and concise. In order to earn back their privileges, x,y,z must be completed. Keep a log and have them sign it......whether it be hourly or daily or by subject.....whatever. They need to see "proof" of their behaviors, both positive and negative.

 

HTH

[Danielle1746]

I sorry I don't have any advice for you, because I'm soaking in the responses myself. You are not alone. My oldest is 11, so I am not quite to your level of frustration yet, but issues come up daily that make me dread the teenage years.

 

 

 

I would also write contracts with them. Have expectations clear and concise. In order to earn back their privileges, x,y,z must be completed. Keep a log and have them sign it......whether it be hourly or daily or by subject.....whatever. They need to see "proof" of their behaviors, both positive and negative.

 

 

 

 

I love this idea. That is probably one of the biggest sources of contention with my 11 yr old. I give him a general list of things that I want him to do, thinking I'll go into more detail as he does each individual thing. Then all of a sudden he has a meltdown, because I "keep adding to it". And, I hate to admit, but I frequently forget what I told him previously, regarding consequences. There have been times that I have taken away computer priviledges, only to be told that I "already did that." I need to start putting EVERYTHING in writing with this kid!

 

So thank you, suzziesnowflake, for bringing this up, and 8FilTheHeart, for the suggestions!

[suzziesnowflake]

Thank you for the encouragement! I love the contract idea! They are not allowed any electronics now during the school day (I do allow the iPad for my oldest as his books are on it but I caught him doing anything but work) they do break the rule and hide in the bathroom with their iPods! Really!! Then they want to play the rest of the afternoon and nights. They do not have much going on in outside activities as we are in between them right now. Keep the ideas coming I may be able to make Tito the end of the year yet?

 

[melmichigan]

My oldest is 13 but I certainly police all electronics. I am also one who will take all electronics away, for indefinite periods of time as needed when preteen/teen behavior/attitude gets out of hand. You might want to consider a time limit if they aren't able to self regulate with electronics. Heck, there are days I have to set a timer myself.

 

I also have trouble with the amount of work my DD will willing do for me and the amount of work she will willingly do for another teacher. With that in mind she is taking three outside classes next year, math, english, and latin. This year we added WriteGuide to keep her accountable in writing.

[Lang Syne Boardie]

We're not done with our job when they're 13, 14, 15 years old. Not by a long chalk. 8filltheheart's advice was perfect, and what I've done with my teen boys.

 

Society is waiting and ready to pull boys down into this media nothingness and make them entirely useless, and there is no end of support for the idea that teen boys actually exist to be glued to gaming and music devices as if it's normal. I believe that pressure is there. I'm here to keep the nothing from happening to my fine sons. I'm the gatekeeper, I'm the trainer, encourager, and teacher...I'm the Mom. They will have every chance to fulfill the promise they showed as very young children. I'm still on duty until they are grown.

[Koerarmoca]

So making contracts for my kids after SB next week. I have a 14 year old and can feel your pain. She is so smart but lazy, sloppy and a total slacker 95% of the time...I already have no electronics (other than accessing ebooks on the iPad when needed)

 

Today I decided to play classical music all day a little mom payback...

[AmyontheFarm]

How to get your kids attention.

 

http://twentytwowords.com/2012/07/30/how-to-get-your-internet-addicted-kids-to-do-their-chores/

 

Then make #4 - Get your school work done.

 

Download the books your student needs to the ipad. Then change the password on the router. Suddenly, their world gets smaller and they get the new password, when their work for the week is done! If they chose to do it legibly and well done the first time, then they can quickly move onto the next assignment. If they get all their work done in 3 days, give the password to that child only.

 

I don't have time to police children and their multiple devices, I did have time to learn how to block specific devices using my router in this house so dd could find more time to do her homework. The other kids wouldn't share their passwords with her because they didn't want to lose their computers.

[kerenlynne]

I am so sorry you are frustrated. I have DS 16 with Dyslexia that we pulled out of school his Freshman year last year. If we don't get work done in class, he doesn't get it done on his own. Fortunately, he doesn't have a bad attitude, but we do get lots of I'm sorry, I forgot, I need more time, I didn't know what you wanted. Even in his favorite subjects, he only turns in the bare minimum and he is so smart it makes me crazy! Because of his school experience, I was pretty soft on him at first, but I have been gradually ratcheting up the requirements for him. I feel like he is lazy (and maybe he is)but I know with a LD the executive function is a large part of the problem. Lots of patience is required with these kiddos and there are days when I have it and days when I don't. I would definitely start taking away privileges until you see an attitude adjustment. That is the number 1 problem! Everything else is workable if the attitude is what it should, not easy, but workable. Best wishes as you make your decision.

[PeterPan]

Co-op for us created a big divide between mother and kid. The kid doesn't want the mom running it, but the co-op isn't taking on the responsibility to hold the kid accountable. So yes, it creates a mess. The answer is to drop the co-op and teach stuff yourself and sit there and enforce it, being willing to sit in that chair, lay down the law, be consistent, enforce checklists, etc. till the work happens.

 

Drop co-op and put all assignments onto non-negotiable, stringently enforced weekly checklists.

 

Btw, I'm all for passions, the student interests, student choice, etc. etc. It all goes on the list for the week, and the list becomes non-negotiable.

 

PS. It's ok to say you're burnt out. It doesn't mean they have to go to school.

[Lily_Grace]

:grouphug: I have a 14yo boy. His co-op class is doing The Phantom Tollbooth and it has opened up some good discussions at home. It's a frustrating age. 11 was hellish, 14 is :cursing: . This is a sampling of how our day went yesterday:

 

::looking over the 2 measly chores he had to do in the morning::

 

What are dad's and my expectations for you?

 

After some hemming and hawing the three expectations came out: keep yourself neat and clean, do your schoolwork, and participate in family chores/activities.

 

And how well are you meeting each of those expectations?

 

Not very well.

 

What aren't you meeting?

 

(insert list of not doing chores, not doing schoolwork on time, not wiping down the table..)

 

Not meeting expectations means not expecting privileges. Ipod gets handed over until things change.

 

 

 

DS has to write his own checklist now each day. He writes it, I check it over, we discuss what needs to be done for each subject and due dates. It stays on the computer, up all day. He can cross things off, but it is in a central place so I can keep tabs and go over his independent work. Doesn't want me to hound him? He can always complete the work responsibly and show me that he has it under control. I'll back off....right up until he slacks.

[IrishMum]

 

Does anyone here police the I-pads and videos for a 14 year old. I expect to do it for a 11 year old but not a 14 year old. If I don't take them then that is all they will do day in and day out! How do you give more freedom to a kid that all he wants to do is play videos all day?

 

 

 

 

I totally police video games. My kids earn their screen time with their chores. No chores, no screen time. Simple, aways, no exceptions. They get 4 hours a week to play their games, and I take it away very easily. Disrespect would lose it for sure! It's a privilege not a right, make them work for it!

[Militaryfam4]

We are fighting the electronics as well. DS is 11 and this has been a battle for the last several months. I have taken them away completely for right now. It has been 2 weeks now and I can see some improvement. We will continue without until he can show me several weeks of getting his responsibilities completed. When that happens he will be allowed his electronic time back. I am leaning toward 4-5 hours a week and only after school and chores are completed.

 

Good luck, seems like this is a challenging time.

 

Shelby

[CupOCoffee]

You are the parent, you are in charge, you own the electronics -- physically take them away so the can't sneak off into the bathroom and use them! Lock them up if necessary, change passwords and you are the only one who knows them. Electronics are a privilege not a right. We don't have iPads, iPods, cell phones for the kids, but they do have Nintendo...IF THEY HOLD UP THEIR END OF BUSINESS. Period. You've gotten some great suggestions, I am just jumping on the bandwagon with a resounding YES, I do police my kids' electronics use during the school day (well DH does since I am not there) and even in the evening -- they are allowed ZERO screen time until I've checked their work.

 

~coffee~

[Susan in TX]

My son is/was like your 14 year old. We struggled through homeschooling until 8th grade. At that point we put him in school. School did not solve all of his problems. He still won't do homework. But the school was/ is very responsive to his needs. He is doing well and I think putting him in school was the absolute best thing to do.

 

Susan in TX

[Tracy]

Two thoughts.

 

1. Have you considered that possibility that one or both of your kids is 2e? You made a comment that one of them is very smart. 2e kids are a whole 'nother ball game, and if you think this is a possibility, there are professionals and support groups that you can lean on to learn better how to deal with it.

 

2. If I thought that electronics were getting in the way of school, I would not hesitate to take them away for a very long time. One of my kids can take them or leave them, but the other one finds them very addictive. When he starts asking for more, all day long, and he can't think about anything else but the electronics, then it is time for detox. I had to make a rule that he can't have any electronics until everyone is done with school (not just him). His sister is really slow, and she is older and has more to do. So he knows that he just has to find something else to do. This keeps him from just rushing through his work to get it done. In a situation like yours I would take away electronics for at least a week, and then make them earn them back.

 

Also, if this has affected your relationship with your kids (which it sounds like it has), I would recommend spending some time with them away from home, away from electronics. You need some time where you are not having to be the disciplinarian/teacher to just enjoy them.

 

And I wouldn't just write off the idea of putting them in school for the rest of the year. It is only for 2 more months. And that way, they know you are serious. And when you start off again in the fall (assuming you don't want to keep them in school), you can lay down the law with credibility.

[suzziesnowflake]

I have been known to had back a poorly done math assignment by tearing it up and throwing it in the trash. Then I turn to the child and say I need your math lesson turned it neatly and completely. I want it readable and with all steps shown. I also want your answers checked, because I am the grader, not the one who does the initial checking.

 

It only takes a few days of this and the attitude changes. (I even do it if I don't get to checking until the next day -- and then the child has two full days of math to do in one).

 

I know this sounds mean but I am going to do it. It will be a learning curve (for all of us).

 

 

Next, I would create a specific learning environment. School work is done in public space, not in their bedrooms, etc. They sit at the kitchen table (or wherever) and they work under parental supervision. Be present.

 

I would also write contracts with them. Have expectations clear and concise. In order to earn back their privileges, x,y,z must be completed. Keep a log and have them sign it......whether it be hourly or daily or by subject.....whatever. They need to see "proof" of their behaviors, both positive and negative.

 

I going to write a contract today! I have figured out how to enforce some of the things I want done. For example: You will get up with the alarm clock. period. I will NOT wake you. If you sleep in that is your business but know that it will transfer to Sat school. Sat school is for 3 hrs only starting at 7 am (hey I am a early bird and do not sleep in!). If you miss I will add that week on to the end of the year. Hey we can do school until next school year, if you want. I can thank my sis for that one. I want to start school at 8 but it usually starts at 9 and then they want lunch at 11 for and hour, needless to say that I am flexible but I am sick school dragging on all day. We run a business and I frequently have my whole weekend catching up on paper work and doing lesson plans, cleaning house, ect. There is no time for anything I would like to do. I know that is part of being a mom but it doesn't make for a happy mom. I frequently have to tell my ds11 that no I do not have time for x because I have so much to do. I guess by now I thought that they would be old enough so I could enjoy life (not that I didn't when they were younger) a little more. I know it sounds like it is all about me, me, me but I have lost myself and all I do all the time is think about hsing and it is eating away at me.

 

 

I I feel like he is lazy (and maybe he is)but I know with a LD the executive function is a large part of the problem.

 

I know executive functioning is part of it with my oldest. He is the most disorganized kid ever! He would leave his head at home if I didn't remind him. I know this plays into the gifts he has but gracious, it is exhausting for me.

 

 

The answer is to drop the co-op and teach stuff yourself and sit there and enforce it, being willing to sit in that chair, lay down the law, be consistent, enforce checklists, etc. till the work happens.

 

I have thought about this...I think for now we will keep it. I have a copy of the syllabus that they use in class. I am going to be the teacher until he shows a great improvement. Period. I am taking the reins for now and you can have them back when you can prove to me that you will step up.

 

PS. It's ok to say you're burnt out. It doesn't mean they have to go to school.

You don't know how nice it was for you to say this. Really! Thanks!! I am burnt out and us hs moms aren't perfect but we think we should be. At least I do.

 

1. Have you considered that possibility that one or both of your kids is 2e? You made a comment that one of them is very smart. 2e kids are a whole 'nother ball game, and if you think this is a possibility, there are professionals and support groups that you can lean on to learn better how to deal with it.

I never really thought of this. I am going to do my research. Thanks for bring this up!

 

 

Also, if this has affected your relationship with your kids (which it sounds like it has), I would recommend spending some time with them away from home, away from electronics. You need some time where you are not having to be the disciplinarian/teacher to just enjoy them.

 

I know it has. I just can't enjoy them anymore. Everything is such a battle. I realized that I do not smile anymore or laugh during school. My attitude is dark toward it. I just can't seem to enjoy it or them. This doesn't help the learning at all!

 

And I wouldn't just write off the idea of putting them in school for the rest of the year. It is only for 2 more months. And that way, they know you are serious. And when you start off again in the fall (assuming you don't want to keep them in school), you can lay down the law with credibility.

 

 

I am still thinking about this. My dh and I decided that we would start back to school next tues. So during this spring break I have a lot of thinking to do. They do not get their electronics back until they learn a poem call Attitude by Chuck Swimdole (thanks to another poster for this!). So it will be a while. Then they only have 1 hour a day and even then it might be only weekends. My dh and I haven't decided, yesterday my oldest decided to go out and build a deer blind in the shop and my youngest painted, played with legos, went outside! My sis had them for the night so we will see when they get home how it goes.

 

I think I will have to hire a lawyer for the contract though because these kids are SMART!

[Tracy]

 

 

I think I will have to hire a lawyer for the contract though because these kids are SMART!

 

I am a lawyer (though technically inactive and not able to practice). I have written many contracts, and I would be happy to help you write something that looks really professional. :D

[mama27]

I just need to vent. I have hs for almost 4 years for my oldest DS(14) and 2 years DS (11). The oldest has dyslexia among other learning issues and the youngest is dyslexic also but not as bad. They are overall good kids but...

I don't know if it is the March blues or what but I am thinking about putting them in school after Easter Break is over. We just had a week long break at Disney (Yay!) but unfortunately it has made me realize how burnt out I am. We started back yesterday for a 4 day week (today is co-op so no teaching today for me) and it was awful. I have taken breaks before and I know it can be difficult to start back so I didn't expect too much from them. Here are my problems and hope someone out there can help me by offering advice (hey, I have my flame suit on too!)

 

My kids are lazy (I hate to say it but I would never say it to them). I feel as if I have for the last 2 of the 4 years pushed and pulled them through school and I am exhausted. They have no desire to learn anything!! Unless of course it is how to beat a video game. This is what I have tried and this is what I got from them:

 

Changing curriculum to better suite their learning styles (did lots of research and it is hands on)-They thought it was stupid (my youngest just scribbles down a picture and turned it in and told me it was too easy)

 

Changing curriculum for more interest lead letting them pick things that interest them: Yea, umm not going to happen,the very least amount of work is what they would turn in.

 

Changing to a more structured curriculum: Whining!!! Everyday!! Not gonna learn, just not.

 

I have tried rewards and punishments to get these kids moving. My youngest has no problem telling me that the school did a better job and when I try to show him something he just tunes me out. (I know some of it is ADHD but come on!) He says he can do it or that his old teacher from 2 years ago showed him how to do it (umm no he didn't) then he gets mad when he has to redo it because he got it all wrong. Just no motivation.This kid is very very smart!

 

My oldest is a teen and he is wanting to spread his wings (I get this) but he also has an LD. He wants no help from me, Period. He NEEDS to discuss things to understand them better. Right now he is doing lit and science at co-op. He is enjoying the classes but has no motivation to do the work. If I ask him if he got it done he tells me I am hounding him and he is capable. He really needs someone to proof read his work (I am NOT the only one willing to do this, he has lots of people to turn to) but he won't. He tells me he doesn't need to write, learn science, math or anything because he is going to build guns for a living. Ok, hey this is your passion (not mine and not the rest of the family) and I am ok with this but you still have to write legibly read and do math. This is why I am debating on putting him back in school. I think we have come to a point where I can no longer teach him or at least he no longer wants to learn from me. He is very dependent on me for everything else, just not school. So much potential but no motivation. Even the OG tutor I had for him said he was a lost cause because he lacks any motivation and maybe someday he will want to do it.

 

 

I pulled my oldest dc from ps because he was so depressed and the special ed teacher was a bully (his words) and when it was apparent that the school would do nothing for him. I pulled my youngest b/c the school did not want to test him and he was really being bullied (he was beat up by 4 kids at the same time at a baseball game, long story) and the school was doing nothing for him.

 

Attitude is a problem around here, theirs and mine. I am tired of pushing, pulling, researching everything to death, just to make school better for them.They are both academically behind so the oldest would be pushed through school and the youngest will have to do the same grade again. Their goal is to slap down something on paper and call it done! No learning because it is home SCHOOL. I have asked them if they wanted to go back and they both say NO but I can't do this anymore. My dh supports whatever I want to do. I really do not want to send the back but I may have no choices!!

 

Does anyone here police the I-pads and videos for a 14 year old. I expect to do it for a 11 year old but not a 14 year old. If I don't take them then that is all they will do day in and day out! How do you give more freedom to a kid that all he wants to do is play videos all day?

 

 

This week has been another not good week for me too and I decided no more video games at all until I see improvment. My kids are younger, but the lack of motivation is the same. My NINE year old could not write his OWN nam properly the day before yesterday. Really???

 

So, goodbye video games. I told my 13 yo to hide them. Goodbye computer. Goodbye Wii.

I am going to assign more school work, like for evey 3 peoblems my ten yo misses due to not paying attention, he has to fix those AND do an extra. Yesterday it took him FOUR times to get one problem right because he kept "forgetting" to add the numbers he was carrying.

My 9 yo keeps "forgetting" to put punctuation at the end of his sentences and a capital at the beginning. Good. The he can write a whjole bunch of stupid sentences like "I will put punctuation at the ends of all my sentences" about 50 times. I did this wioth my older 3 and they hated it especially cuz I would look at it then throw it in the garbage.

My 7 yo keeps "forgetting" to do simple things like brush his teeth or close the gate (so the dogs don';t get in the laundry room and eat the cat food) so yesterday he got to shut the gate ten times. He also got to open and close the door to the b athroom ten times. BTW,they have a chart with words AND pics so they can see and read that every am they need to brush their teeth, take a shower, get dressed, etc. and the same for at night AND I always say "it's time for your morning routine." and whgen they are done, I ask fi theyve done everything and 9 times out of 10 someone "forgets" something and then lies and says they did and I so"Ok, let me smell your breath, smell your underarm, etc. " the n I get the "oh, I forgot." hmph

The reason I am putting forgetting in quotes is because they are not FORGETTING, they are lazy. They do not want to do these things and have no reason to, and me teling them over and over is not working.

If this no video games doesn't work, then add more chores, which Tuesday i made the ten yo vaccum most of the house and made the 9 yo pick up everything (toys, shoes, ect) so he could vaccum.

I am right there with you in the venting but ps is not an option and honestly, it does not sound like it would be agood idea for you either.There is still homework and all that. The teachers would be calling YOU in whenever they didn't do what needed to be done.

Just because he is 14 doesn't mean he has an automatic right to an Ipad. Take it away, he will not die. Food, clothing, shelter, etc. all needs. Video games are not. He's not mature enough to do what you tell him so I'd take it away till MONTHS from now, IF there was an improvment.

[mama27]

Thank you for the encouragement! I love the contract idea! They are not allowed any electronics now during the school day (I do allow the iPad for my oldest as his books are on it but I caught him doing anything but work) they do break the rule and hide in the bathroom with their iPods! Really!! Then they want to play the rest of the afternoon and nights. They do not have much going on in outside activities as we are in between them right now. Keep the ideas coming I may be able to make Tito the end of the year yet?

 

Got a trusted neighbor or friend you could give the ipods to? Maybe get real books instead sinec he can't be trusted?

[Sebastian (a lady)]

 

 

Attitude is a problem around here, theirs and mine. I am tired of pushing, pulling, researching everything to death, just to make school better for them.They are both academically behind so the oldest would be pushed through school and the youngest will have to do the same grade again. Their goal is to slap down something on paper and call it done! No learning because it is home SCHOOL. I have asked them if they wanted to go back and they both say NO but I can't do this anymore. My dh supports whatever I want to do. I really do not want to send the back but I may have no choices!!

 

Does anyone here police the I-pads and videos for a 14 year old. I expect to do it for a 11 year old but not a 14 year old. If I don't take them then that is all they will do day in and day out! How do you give more freedom to a kid that all he wants to do is play videos all day?

 

 

14 is not 24. A teen is not an independent adult. I have no problem with restricting my sons from electronics, both family items and items they own. iPods and DS games are not for during school time. (And for what it's worth, I've also taken books and board games that were being used during school time. It's the distraction that is the problem, not the platform.)

 

The best thing I can suggest is that for a time, you cut way back on the academics you expect them to complete in a day and in a week. Give them a specific schedule (at least for the week, if not for each day). Then sit with them as they work on and complete each item.

 

When you get done with the day, ask if they would like to work ahead. But if they say no, let them have free time. This helps them to escape the feeling that if they work hard, they just get more dumped on them. As you get a better handle on habits and attitudes, then you can gradually increase the amount assigned each day and each week.

 

The other thought (based on experience) is that you may need to consider where you are adding to or creating conflict. Do you get angry because you were ignoring something only to find it is now a big mess? Do you look at your kids as a problem to solve rather than as people to love and appreciate? Are you eating properly and getting exercise or are you having low blood sugar, dehydration or stress cause issues?

 

The SWB lectures on helping kids work independently and educating the REAL child helped find weaknesses in my approach.