caitlinsmom Posted February 26, 2013 Share Posted February 26, 2013 My husbands grandpa passed away this morning at 94. The funeral will be held on Monday. I don't really want to take the 2 little girls (4 and 3) for the simple reason they have so much energy. My husbands family throws me into full blow anxiety and panic mode as it is. I hate it when his mother tries to "help" and makes it worse. I am thinking about leaving the two little girls with family while we attend the funeral. The older kids have clear memories of him so I know they will want to go and will behave without being told. What would you do? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cindy in FL. Posted February 26, 2013 Share Posted February 26, 2013 I'd leave them with family while you attend the funeral. You seem to have a good idea of what you all can handle, so I think you should listen to your instincts on this one. I'm sorry about your loss! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ohdanigirl Posted February 26, 2013 Share Posted February 26, 2013 First off :grouphug: . Go ahead and leave them with family. AS the pp said, you know what you can handle. There is no need to make the situation more stressful for you than it already is. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Orthodox6 Posted February 26, 2013 Share Posted February 26, 2013 :grouphug: from me, too. You know what the church/synagogue/mosque/funeral home set-up and scenario likely will be, including expectations of and provisions for young children in attendance. You also know your own children and their temperaments, as well as the temperaments of your in-laws. Children of ages 3 and 4 will not remember the service for long afterward. Your older children will. On a personal note, I am so glad that you are going to take your older children. My grandfather died when I was seven years old. I was old enough to feel hurt and insulted that my parents dumped me into a second cousin's home for three days instead of taking me. (They used the wrong-headed excuse that children cannot "handle" death and funerals.) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted February 26, 2013 Share Posted February 26, 2013 I also agree that if you feel better leaving them, do so. When my girls were about that age, a close person's dad died, and I made the same decision. Some people asked why (there were some other kids there of similar age), but I don't care. I had plenty of reason and frankly, I don't need a reason. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Georgiana Daniels Posted February 26, 2013 Share Posted February 26, 2013 I agree with the PP's. If you have the option to leave them somewhere, there's no good reason to take them. It would be a distraction to you, and that's not what you want to be focusing on during a funeral. So sorry for your loss. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
violamama Posted February 26, 2013 Share Posted February 26, 2013 We are going to a funeral this weekend, too, with our boys 7 and 4. We just had one in September and should have had another two weeks ago (all our grandparents are passing away in their 90's). We also had two for younger friends of our family this year, but I didn't take the kids because these were traumatic losses and I knew there would be too much raw emotion for them. They didn't know the two people well, otherwise I might have considered taking them anyway. I totally agree, leave the littles elsewhere and take the others. Funerals aren't usually nearly as formal as I always thought they would be, but your own comfort is also important and they don't need to be there. Sorry for your loss! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BigMamaBird Posted February 26, 2013 Share Posted February 26, 2013 Ages 3 and 4 I would have no problem leaving home. Even the best behaved child would have a hard time understanding the solemness of a funeral and the added need for self-control. I'm sorry for your family's loss. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Twigs Posted February 26, 2013 Share Posted February 26, 2013 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Your plan sounds wise to me. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrothead Posted February 26, 2013 Share Posted February 26, 2013 I'm sorry for your loss. Yes. Leave the little ones at home. They will be much more comfortable anywhere but the funeral. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted February 26, 2013 Share Posted February 26, 2013 I'm sorry for your loss. Yes. Leave the little ones at home. They will be much more comfortable anywhere but the funeral. :iagree: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted February 26, 2013 Share Posted February 26, 2013 this is the funeral for an immediate family member. You will not just be "another attendee" for the "funeral", but more invovled. (viewing, graveside, dinner, etc.) I would leave my very young children with someone else. You could always have whomever is caring for them bring them later to the family dinner. I left my 4yo son with dh's neice for my mother's funeral, even though he'd spent a fair amount of time with her. I had way too much do to, and he required too much care and supervision. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sara in AZ Posted February 26, 2013 Share Posted February 26, 2013 My sister just went through this when her MIL passed away last December. She has a really rambunctious 2 1/2 year old plus she was asked to sing for part of the service. She knew that wasn't going to work out well. So she left her son with my mom and picked him up later for the family luncheon. When my FIL passed away last year a close friend of mine attended the service and was placed in charge of my one year old for me so I wouldn't have to worry about it. She ended up holding her the whole time and rocking her to sleep when she got fussy. So that worked out nicely. I think leaving both girls with a sitter would be a fine choice. Do what makes you most comfortable. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
caitlinsmom Posted February 26, 2013 Author Share Posted February 26, 2013 Thanks everyone, I needed to hear that it would be okay. My mother takes away all my common sense. She is a life sucker in all situations but things like this.... I hate these kind of things with dh's family. We are all on display with his mother the drill Sargent. I get so wound up and frustrated that I spend most of my time biting my tongue and fighting back tears. I left my own wedding in tears because of this woman. Any amount of stress relief is needed for me to function, let alone be there for my husband. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
justamouse Posted February 26, 2013 Share Posted February 26, 2013 At that age? Leave them with a sitter. I'm sorry for your family's loss, and hang in there. Hopefully she'll be too busy elsewhere to bother with you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mommy22alyns Posted February 26, 2013 Share Posted February 26, 2013 Leave the little ones with a sitter. I'm sorry for your loss. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tammyla Posted February 26, 2013 Share Posted February 26, 2013 I totally agree with you and the others, leaving them is for the best. I'm sorry for your loss. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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