shanvan Posted January 23, 2013 Share Posted January 23, 2013 Dd (10) and I went to her allergist yesterday and the allergist asked her if she got her period yet. I was mildly annoyed b/c I hadn't really discussed it yet. Why can't they just ask the mom outside of Dd's hearing? I'm wondering at what age they start asking. I know some girls are hitting puberty early. Oh, well, we talked about it today, so it's done. Maybe I should just be thankful I got the push to do it. Now I'm wondering as they get older what other questions might be asked. Has anyone had a doctor ask their Dc if they've been sexually active? Any other questions that might pop up that i should be aware of? I hate this growing up thing in some ways, though it's good in others. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest inoubliable Posted January 23, 2013 Share Posted January 23, 2013 DS12's doctor asked him if he was sexually active last year when we were all discussing the Gardasil shot. I hadn't expected the question to be asked outright but I had to laugh when DS just snorted and said "Right. I'm homeschooled. Not interested, anyway. Girls my age don't even brush their teeth every day. Gross." I thought the doctor's head was going to explode since it was clear he was keeping in a giant case of the giggles. When I was about 12, my pediatricians started asking me the same questions. I didn't think it was odd. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LostSurprise Posted January 23, 2013 Share Posted January 23, 2013 Were you against talking about it? Most women don't consider it a secret and even very conservative families often have the period talk at 9. Even 30 years ago the public school system did some education at 10. I'm sorry you were surprised but that's a standard question for that age group. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dmmetler Posted January 23, 2013 Share Posted January 23, 2013 One of my friends just had her DD asked that question at age 9-which, as she said, was on her list of "things to talk about", but she hadn't quite expected it to happen in the car on the way home from a yearly physical! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lara in Colo Posted January 23, 2013 Share Posted January 23, 2013 My 12yo DD had surgery in Sept. They gave her a pg test. She laughed. Needless to say, we did not wait for the results with biting of nails Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dirty ethel rackham Posted January 23, 2013 Share Posted January 23, 2013 I think age 10 is pushing it as far as having a talk with your daughter. Many girls start at that age. My SIL got hers at age 9 (40 years ago.) She was unprepared. It is a completely normal question for that age. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tiramisu Posted January 23, 2013 Share Posted January 23, 2013 I think those questions start with puberty, or near puberty. Dd is pretty conservative, but because of her many medical visits, she has learned to take these questions in stride. She's been asked several times, not only, "Are you s-------ly active?" but, "Is there any chance you could be pregnant?" She says that some day when she's asked one of these questions she will respond with, "Are you?" She hasn't done it yet, but now we just start cracking up whenever those questions come up. I'm sure those poor medical assistants think we're crazy people. At one of our last visits, the medical assistant who asked these questions--along with ones about drugs, drinking, and smoking-- followed up every question with, "Good! Don't start!" That really put dd at ease. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alice Posted January 23, 2013 Share Posted January 23, 2013 It’s a standard question for a 10 year old. A lot of girls at that age are beginning puberty and wouldn’t be abnormal to start your period. I figure if they haven’t, their friends might. I try and phrase it in a way that allows the Mom to be the one to talk to her but encourages the Mom to have the talk (especially if I can tell from the exam that it’s a more immediate issue than Mom might realize). We usually give them a questionnaire that includes questions about sexual activity starting at age 12 or 13. We’ve found that a questionnaire works better for us as we get more honest answers than when we ask outright and then we can talk about the answers. And as sad as it is, anyone in medicine has seen sexually active (and pregnant) 12 year olds. It might seem ridiculous to do a pregnancy test. I hope it seems ridiculous to do it. But we’ve all been burned by the kid who swore up and down that there was no way that she could be pregnant and then was. It’s easier to just do it on everyone and not try to make a judgement call about whether or not we should believe the person. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
misty.warden Posted January 23, 2013 Share Posted January 23, 2013 Dd (10) and I went to her allergist yesterday and the allergist asked her if she got her period yet. I was mildly annoyed b/c I hadn't really discussed it yet. Why can't they just ask the mom outside of Dd's hearing? I'm wondering at what age they start asking. I know some girls are hitting puberty early. Oh, well, we talked about it today, so it's done. Maybe I should just be thankful I got the push to do it. Now I'm wondering as they get older what other questions might be asked. Has anyone had a doctor ask their Dc if they've been sexually active? Any other questions that might pop up that i should be aware of? I hate this growing up thing in some ways, though it's good in others. This is definitely a different upbringing thing, but I have no idea why a doctor asking a girl of near pubertal age a question about a normal bodily function would be a bad thing. If she was 5 or it was her dentist that would be weird. Allergists take into account hormones as far as I know. As for the bolded, they ask her because she's the patient and she's old enough to speak for herself. There can be situations where the parent might not know, like they've never discussed it and a dd got hers and didn't know what it was and was too embarassed to ask a parent (not necessarily a good thing, but it happens) same for s-xual activity, some kids aren't comfortable telling their parent but a doctor would need to know. I've been asked since I was about 10 about last period dates and s-xual activity/pregnancy in ERs and doctors offices Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
G5052 Posted January 23, 2013 Share Posted January 23, 2013 Ours didn't ask until there were signs of change, and she asked to see me in hall alone to verify that we had discussed it. She told me that she really prefers that a female relative introduces the subject first, but she feels like it is important part of a good well-child visit to monitor that sort of thing. If the parent says that they haven't brought it up, then she asks if they would like her to do it because some parents are too shy and need a push to get the conversation going. We've handled it like any other body function with both sexes. I can't even remember how young they were because it was so natural. And from age 10 or so I warned them that the other questions might come up, and to know that the doctor does that because some young people are involved that way at their age. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
prairiewindmomma Posted January 23, 2013 Share Posted January 23, 2013 My allergies started around the start of my menses. and my asthma and arthritis in the postpartum period after giving birth. I actually think it's a sign of a good allergist that they asked. ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shanvan Posted January 23, 2013 Author Share Posted January 23, 2013 Well, after thinking about the doctor's POV, I can see why they need to know, but I still think with younger (especially younger looking) Dc a quick discussion with the parent might be nice. I was annoyed for several reasons yesterday. Annoyed w/ myself for not getting to it before the Dr and annoyed that the Dr didn't ask me first, as described below. Our family doctor made sure to ask me before she asked Ds if he knew about puberty. I didn't expect it from the allergist, and I was used to our family doctor's approach. Ours didn't ask until there were signs of change, and she asked to see me in hall alone to verify that we had discussed it. She told me that she really prefers that a female relative introduces the subject first, but she feels like it is important part of a good well-child visit to monitor that sort of thing. If the parent says that they haven't brought it up, then she asks if they would like her to do it because some parents are too shy and need a push to get the conversation going. We've handled it like any other body function with both sexes. I can't even remember how young they were because it was so natural. And from age 10 or so I warned them that the other questions might come up, and to know that the doctor does that because some young people are involved that way at their age. Your doctor handled it very nicely. This is definitely a different upbringing thing, but I have no idea why a doctor asking a girl of near pubertal age a question about a normal bodily function would be a bad thing. If she was 5 or it was her dentist that would be weird. Allergists take into account hormones as far as I know. As for the bolded, they ask her because she's the patient and she's old enough to speak for herself. There can be situations where the parent might not know, like they've never discussed it and a dd got hers and didn't know what it was and was too embarassed to ask a parent (not necessarily a good thing, but it happens) same for s-xual activity, some kids aren't comfortable telling their parent but a doctor would need to know. I've been asked since I was about 10 about last period dates and s-xual activity/pregnancy in ERs and doctors offices Well, as you say it's an upbringing thing, but I would have preferred a heads up in the hall as the poster above described b/c I did not anticipate discussing it at the allergist's office. I can see now that it may have some bearing on the allergies, but never thought of it before. And I can assure you Dd has not had her period and is very young for her age--shows no signs of the onset of puberty, which is why I had not had more than a general bird & bees talk, though a more specific one was on my radar. ETA: I can see I'll have to prep Dc about more upcoming questions. Thanks for the heads up. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bzymom Posted January 23, 2013 Share Posted January 23, 2013 If it is any comfort, when my d/d was 10 and broke her wrist, the docs at the ER asked her twice if she could be pregnant before taking x-rays. She was mortified. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DianeW88 Posted January 23, 2013 Share Posted January 23, 2013 We ask children about menstrual periods starting at age 9, and about sexual activity at age 12. I have seen more pregnant 12 year old girls than I care to remember. Many of them did not know exactly how they became pregnant, so frank and early discussions are important for all children. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shanvan Posted January 23, 2013 Author Share Posted January 23, 2013 Were you against talking about it? Most women don't consider it a secret and even very conservative families often have the period talk at 9. Even 30 years ago the public school system did some education at 10. I'm sorry you were surprised but that's a standard question for that age group. Of course I'm not against talking about it. Of course I was not planning on keeping it a secret from Dd. Obviously I'm not following the public school timetable. We aren't going to practice using condoms on fruit either. As I said, I did not expect it from the allergist, though I did expect it from her doctor at her yearly appointment this year. At her appointment last year (when she was 9) our not too conservative family doctor only mentioned that she still looked young, but we should watch for the onset of puberty, so even she was not overly concerned. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ktgrok Posted January 23, 2013 Share Posted January 23, 2013 I. Think they aimed she already know about it because she was art Saxon age where she could get her period and so should already knows what it is. Most girls would know well before then. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest inoubliable Posted January 23, 2013 Share Posted January 23, 2013 I. Think they aimed she already know about it because she was art Saxon age where she could get her period and so should already knows what it is. Most girls would know well before then. Caught ya! Posting on a phone or an iPad, are ya? :tongue_smilie: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrothead Posted January 23, 2013 Share Posted January 23, 2013 Well, it could be worse. You could be the mother of my dd's younger friend. Dd got hers then proceeded to tell her friend all about it. They had a real live show and tell upstairs. DF had just turned 11 and had absolutely no idea about what happens during puberty. Dd thoroughly educated her. So remember it could always be worse. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shanvan Posted January 23, 2013 Author Share Posted January 23, 2013 Caught ya! Posting on a phone or an iPad, are ya? :tongue_smilie: Whew! I thought I was just not 'in the know'--like my mom forgot to tell me something. :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DianeW88 Posted January 23, 2013 Share Posted January 23, 2013 Caught ya! Posting on a phone or an iPad, are ya? :tongue_smilie: :smilielol5: I HATE posting on my Ipad. I end up saying the most nonsensical things, with the most arbitrary punctuation marks ever! Glad I'm not the only one. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bzymom Posted January 23, 2013 Share Posted January 23, 2013 I. Think they aimed she already know about it because she was art Saxon age where she could get her period and so should already knows what it is. Most girls would know well before then. My first thought was it's five o'clock somewhere. :cheers2: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TravelingChris Posted January 23, 2013 Share Posted January 23, 2013 I don't know about a link with allergies but asthma definitely gets worse in the pre-menstrual period and since allergies and asthma are often linked, I could see why an allergist would ask. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shanvan Posted January 23, 2013 Author Share Posted January 23, 2013 My first thought was it's five o'clock somewhere. :cheers2: For a moment I was wondering what 'art Saxon age' was. Then I started thinking about Art Reed (?) and Saxon math. Then I reminded myself that Saxon math and Art Reed have very little to do with puberty (I think). Then I started thinking about how easily my mind seems to lose focus and maybe homeschooling leads to ADD type thinking in the mom (or dad). Which brought me around to maybe that's why I never got to the specifics w/ Dd before the Dr brought it up. There I somehow connected it all! :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bolt. Posted January 23, 2013 Share Posted January 23, 2013 I think doctors are purposefully building a doctor-patent relationship with their young patients. Therefore, it is important that they ask direct personal (approprate medical) questions of the patient -- taking the parent out if the loop wherever possible, as soon as possible. When a doctor and a parent are in a loop, every child knows that they can trust their doctor exactly as much as they can trust their parent -- and that they should have no expectations of being treated as an individual. In most cases (good parent-child relationships) that sort of teamwork would be fine, even advantageous. However, a certian percentage of families are unhealthy, untrusting and unsafe. A doctor doesn't need to join that team -- s/he could be a very important part of the child doing better than his/her parents and finding help. Plus, there's just ordinary embarrassment some kids with great parents just have a sense that they might not want to disclose (say) abnormal bowel movements to a doctor-parent team. The doctor who is treating them like an individual has a much better chance of hearing that sort if thing. Anyhow, I know good parents aren't happy to be treated as if their kids need a doctor to detach from them -- they probably don't need it. But some kids need it very badly, so I will thank my doctor for making that the way they relate to all their child patents. It's not like they can tell in advance who needs it or not. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ktgrok Posted January 24, 2013 Share Posted January 24, 2013 Caught ya! Posting on a phone or an iPad, are ya? :tongue_smilie: yikes! yes I was, and while nursing a teething baby and yelling at a pouting teen. worst i've ever done! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NotSoObvious Posted January 24, 2013 Share Posted January 24, 2013 Ok, now that would upset me to hear. Not so much the period thing. That would really upset me and I would probably say something. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bzymom Posted January 24, 2013 Share Posted January 24, 2013 That would really upset me and I would probably say something. It was so ridiculous to us, we laughed. But it was also quite sad that they had to ask. I gave birth in a hospital in a tough city, and neither of my roommates were over 18. One girl was 17 and it was her second child. The nurses told me there was a 13-year old down the hall. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shanvan Posted January 24, 2013 Author Share Posted January 24, 2013 I think doctors are purposefully building a doctor-patent relationship with their young patients. Therefore, it is important that they ask direct personal (approprate medical) questions of the patient -- taking the parent out if the loop wherever possible, as soon as possible. I find that idea disturbing. But, I do see you mentioned 'appropriate medical' questions, so maybe not as disturbing as I originally thought. I also find the pregnancy question for a 10 yr old disturbing....and the pregnant 12 year old who has no idea how it happened. I guess I find a lot of things disturbing. Just to be clear, I wish I had brought the subject up first instead of the doctor, which is why I was mildly annoyed. I'm not angry or upset with the doctor. She is an outstanding allergist. It just never occurred to me she'd ask that question. I have no problem with any doctor asking when Dd's last period was etc. --- once she has actually developed enough to start having one. As a woman, I realize that's part of the standard drill. The question itself and that it was directed to Dd and not me surprised me. I have not gotten used to the idea of Dd entering the puberty stage. But I guess I'll be prepared now that I've read posts above--which is one of the reasons I started the thread in the first place--so I could find out what sorts of questions are asked as Dc mature. Now I have doctors' pov to, so that's helpful. Next time I won't be surprised by anything. Sometimes I forget how sheltered our household is. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NotSoObvious Posted January 24, 2013 Share Posted January 24, 2013 It was so ridiculous to us, we laughed. But it was also quite sad that they had to ask. I gave birth in a hospital in a tough city, and neither of my roommates were over 18. One girl was 17 and it was her second child. The nurses told me there was a 13-year old down the hall. I totally get it, but it bothers me that it's an excuse to ask my daughter questions that are, in my opinion, not appropriate for her age. I am just not a fan of the one size fits all approach to medicine, which is why we left our horrid pediatrician's office and see a small family doctor now. I think 10 years old is not the time to push the parent out. I know, I know, there are all kinds of situations and families and kids who need doctors to bypass parents. I just wish there was a different solution. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joker Posted January 24, 2013 Share Posted January 24, 2013 Reading this thread has made me realize that not once has my 13 yr dd been asked this question. She sees our family dr. as well as the allergist. We just had an allergy appointment actually and she was only asked questions about her allergies and her asthma. It's interesting, especially since our allergist is amazing. We've been with him since the girls were 4 and 6 years old. ETA: I now do remember checking the box at her check up at the family dr. last year, but no questions were asked of her about it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shanvan Posted January 24, 2013 Author Share Posted January 24, 2013 I'm wondering if girls get the questioning more than boys b/c I have not encountered much of this with Ds (14), but maybe our family doctor didn't ask many questions b/c he also looked young at his last visit. She simply asked if we had discussed puberty with him and the changes he'd be facing. I answered yes and that was that. She may have said a few things, but nothing too odd or I would remember. Maybe he'll get more questions at this year's appointment. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shanvan Posted January 24, 2013 Author Share Posted January 24, 2013 Reading this thread has made me realize that not once has my 13 yr dd been asked this question. She sees our family dr. as well as the allergist. We just had an allergy appointment actually and she was only asked questions about her allergies and her asthma. It's interesting, especially since our allergist is amazing. We've been with him since the girls were 4 and 6 years old. ETA: I now do remember checking the box at her check up at the family dr. last year, but no questions were asked of her about it. Okay, that blows my 'girls get these questions more' theory out of the water! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jelbe5 Posted January 24, 2013 Share Posted January 24, 2013 When my daughters were 10 I decided to have the talk with them. I also gave them the book "it's So Amazing!" for them to read and then we discussed the book. Their friends were all in public school and from what I could tell had covered the subject so I figured I wanted my girls to learn from me - not from their friends. ;-) My eldest is now almost 18. She still likes for me to come in the room for her annual physical. The doctor has not yet asked about sexual activity yet, but I have been prepared to step out of the room if asked. It is not easy - I have found being matter of fact has helped. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
besroma Posted January 24, 2013 Share Posted January 24, 2013 I had to leave in the middle of this thread to put DD to sleep. I was giggling about the "was art Saxon age" post and KK in VA's reply at the time. When I came back to get caught up, I *still* snorted, even though I had already read it. That was too funny! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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