Stayseeliz Posted January 10, 2013 Share Posted January 10, 2013 Is it normal to feel paranoid afterward and worry about the person coming after you again? DH had to go to the er last night.Thankfully they think that his stroke like symptoms stem from his sleep apnea issues and not a stroke. But we got to the car and realized his car had been broken in to.They stole several hundred dollars worth of stuff so we filed a police report. Long story short while we were filing reports , a security guard found footage of the guy getting into our car, gives a description to the nurses and the thief is caught in the er. All our stuff was sitting in a car two spaces over from us. The reason why DH is nervous is because the guy's wife/girlfriend got very mad at us when we said we would be pressing charges. She kept going on and on about how he didn't deserve this and he just panicked over medical bills. This man knew how to remove everything from a car quietly and quickly and had things of ours in his pockets. He didn't just steal things he thought might be worth anything to sell. He stole everything in the car including sermon cds from our church. When we were leaving she said we needed to quit pushing it and flipped us off. We'd done nothing more than give the police and accurate description of what he'd stolen and damaged. They called from the jail to let us know when he had his bond hearing and when he'd been released. DH is worried that they will try to find out who we are and take some kind of revenge. DH had lots of business cards in the car but they don't have our home address to my knowledge. He's just not feeling well and is nervous. I'm trying to tell him not to worry but I'm a little nervous too. She was really mad. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Halftime Hope Posted January 10, 2013 Share Posted January 10, 2013 Stacey, can you ask the police to run patrol cars past your house every now and then. Tell them you'll leave donuts on the porch? JK. (ChikFilA offers free meals to any police who will eat them in the restaurant.) I've had a giggle, but I am serious about you asking for whatever support the police can offer. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jasar31629 Posted January 10, 2013 Share Posted January 10, 2013 I'd be nervous too. I'd set a large "Beware of Dog" sign out in the lawn and some NRA stickers on the windows. I'm kidding...though I would be sorely tempted! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted January 10, 2013 Share Posted January 10, 2013 Yes, I think it's normal to feel that way. :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
staceyobu Posted January 10, 2013 Share Posted January 10, 2013 I'd be nervous... Classy. Stole your stuff and then threaten you. Seriously. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Mungo Posted January 10, 2013 Share Posted January 10, 2013 I think it can be wise to be nervous and not complacent. I had a friend who was burglarized. The robbers stole a set of car keys, among other items. They later came back and stole her car. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
redsquirrel Posted January 10, 2013 Share Posted January 10, 2013 It totally normal to feel that way. You can call the police or the prosecutor and ask that an order of protection be issued when/if he is released from jail. If you think he doesn't have your home address you can even ask that your home address not be put on the OP. That is a real thing and don't let anyone tell you it isn't. Victims of domestic violence ask for that specific bit of privacy all the time. If it makes you feel any better I had to call the cops because there was a knife fight in front of my house. The guy with the knife was loaded with heroin and crack. The other guy in the fight got away. Now, it was in front of my house and the fighting guys saw me call the cops. They never came after me. I went to court and testified etc and I never heard a peep from any of them. In the end he changed his plea to guilty right after I testified. But he was out for months before the trial, he lived in my neighborhood, and I never had a bit of trouble. You can ask your local cops or sheriff to do a drive by if if makes you feel better. I was really nervous at first as well, but it did get better. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted January 10, 2013 Share Posted January 10, 2013 Be sure the police know exactly what the woman said and did. Also, notify your local police about what happened, and let them know you fear retribution. Let your neighbors know what happened, so they can report any suspicious cars or activity as soon as they see anything unusual. If there is even the slightest chance that the guy got any of your keys, change all of your locks immediately. When you leave the house, leave a lot of lights on, and leave the TV turned on -- loudly -- because it will make it seem like someone is always at home. I know Sarah was joking about the Beware of Dog signs and NRA stickers, but I'm not. You could also put alarm company stickers on your front door or window. I have heard that a big deterrent to criminals was a big dog chain outside the house with a big rawhide bone somewhere near it. A friend of ours always kept hunting clothes hanging in the garage right near the garage window, to let potential thieves know that there was a gun in the house and the owner knew how to use it. Look, chances are excellent that nothing will happen, but please do everything you can to protect yourselves and to let the criminals think you are well-prepared. I'm so sorry this happened to you guys, and I think only a horrible person would break into a car in an ER parking lot. I mean, what kind of heartless weasel does something like that??? :angry: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
redsquirrel Posted January 10, 2013 Share Posted January 10, 2013 Oh, if the girlfriend threatened you in any way you can have her charged. I bet the cops would love to do that. Really. If she told you to drop charges, well, that is against the law. It is called suborning a witness and it is a big deal. It could be made into a big deal if the prosecutor is in a bad mood, anyway. FWIW, I was a crime victim's advocate as a real job in my pre-kid life so I am not just making stuff up. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted January 10, 2013 Share Posted January 10, 2013 did you report the wife's behavior to the police? I would have. can they do drive by's of your house? Install exterior lighting, and keep doors and windows locked. clean up around the outside of your house. be pro-active in protecting yourself and your home. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Donna Posted January 10, 2013 Share Posted January 10, 2013 Yes, it is normal to feel that way. My dh was a corrections officer and many years ago was injured (black eye, broken eye socket, and broken nose) by an inmate while working. It was lovely to get a call from the ER at midnight. They pressed charges and the inmate got more time added to his sentence. The inmate's parole time keeps coming up. I don't know whether he does something that keeps him in or what but every time we see the time is coming up, we get nervous he will try to find dh to get revenge or something. During the trial, he kept mouthing threats at dh. It is so easy to locate people through the internet. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
.... Posted January 10, 2013 Share Posted January 10, 2013 Yes, it is normal to feel that way. :iagree: We have been robbed several times. One time in particular was terrifying, because they tried to take our car, they took our wedding rings, took the kids' birth certificates and social security cards. There's only so much police can/will do. We now have a very scary dog and an alarm system. I recommend an alarm system to everyone. We also had a bizarre shooting/home invasion about 3 blocks from our house this fall. I mean, I know this is Texas (lol)...but they left the house and were out in the street shooting. 'Twas in the news with helicopters everywhere. sigh. Do you have an alarm on your house? That's really the best thing. We can set ours even when we're home (like at night). If someone opens one of the exterior doors (or certain windows), it makes a HUGE ruckus. We even have an intercom link to the alarm company and they can offer assistance over the intercom (like call the fire department or an ambulance). I know I sound paranoid, but oh well. I'm tired of people thinking they can hurt my family. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jelbe5 Posted January 10, 2013 Share Posted January 10, 2013 Absolutely. It can even be a mild form of PTSD. Being a victim of a crime is traumatic and stressful. I was held up at gunpoint in Chicago over 20 years ago. Recently, when I was putting groceries in my van a panhandler came around my van suddenly and surprised me. He was no real threat but I went ballistic on him. I reacted this way because my attacker in Chicago did the exact same thing. What the panhandler did sent the memory flooding back. The panhandler went running off when I started yelling about how he should not pop out from behind cars, etc. I stopped going to that particular store after that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ewe Mama Posted January 10, 2013 Share Posted January 10, 2013 Definitely press charges on the girlfriend as well. I hope you and your dh will be able to feel safe again soon. His fears are very normal/natural. I would agree with mild PTSD. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RoughCollie Posted January 10, 2013 Share Posted January 10, 2013 I'd be cautious and alert, and I'd call the police and talk to them about what the woman said, and about my fears. I'd ask about the perp's criminal record, too. I'd ask for advice about how to keep my family safe, and I'd follow it. I'd keep my doors, windows, sliding glass door, and cars locked. Garage door always down day and night, and locked at night b/c garage door openers work on more than one garage (according to what I've read, not experienced). We've been threatened by really bad and angry criminals plenty of times, due to my DH's job and also due to mine when I was working. So far, in 25 years, nothing has happened to us or to any of the many people we know in our profession. That woman was angry and will probably not do a thing once she calms down, because she knows she will go to prison if she tries that. It's simply not worth the trouble for a minor crime, and if he goes to jail, she will have to find someone else to support her (that's the typical situation). She was likely angry because her lifestyle was threatened and she foisted the blame off on you and your DH. Criminals usually blame everyone except themselves for what they've done, if they admit it at all, even when faced by DEA and FBI agents who have video and audio evidence of them actually committing their crimes. Their wives, girl friends, baby mommies, mothers, and sisters can be very defensive about their innocent or misunderstood man. Criminals and those who consort with them are frequently angry big mouths who usually don't follow up on their threats. Even though it is unlikely anything will happen, be cautious and alert, just in case. It is totally normal for crime victims to be anxious and angry, and to feel helpless in the face of a criminal intrusion into their lives. If the anxiety lasts more than 6 weeks, see someone about it because after that length of time, PTSD could have set in. It isn't PTSD yet. This is a minor crime. If it were major, I'd suggest getting help immediately, because obviously the effects of being a victim of a major crime are not dissipated by time. I'd also suggest getting help early if the victim is already suffering from PTSD or has in the past and the PTSD symptoms have been resurrected by the event. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pdalley Posted January 10, 2013 Share Posted January 10, 2013 You need to report her. She tried to prevent you and your DH from testifying against her husband. It also strengthens the case against him. Maybe she was involved in the actual crime - she sure was some sort of accessory after the fact. I worked in law enforcement before kids. I always keep the doors and windows locked in the house and the car, the alarm set even when we are indoors, the alarm sign in the front yard and stickers on the windows. I report unfamiliar vehicles in the area or people. I'm always 'aware' of my surroundings and the people. We have two loud dogs which also helps. The children do not answer the door - at all. Either DH does or I do and I always look out the window first. She's probably all mouth and so is he but I don't think being cautious would be a bad thing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
QueenCat Posted January 10, 2013 Share Posted January 10, 2013 Report the girlfriend to the police. Please! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Twigs Posted January 10, 2013 Share Posted January 10, 2013 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harriet Vane Posted January 10, 2013 Share Posted January 10, 2013 Your feelings are normal and expected. Precautions are a good thing, but know that you will calm down over time, and that is okay. They are not likely to come after you--it's too much work for them to do so. Having said that, please report the girlfriend's behavior. Documentation is your friend. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tammyla Posted January 10, 2013 Share Posted January 10, 2013 I would be nervous; your feelings are normal and sound pretty justified. Report the threats, and anything suspicious. I'd keep the outside lights on at night and double check everything was locked and secured. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Juniper Posted January 10, 2013 Share Posted January 10, 2013 How are you doing today? Mind if we check on you for awhile? :) I did not respond last night, because what I have to say is not comforting and I didn't know how to get it out. My mother was the victim of a violent crime. She was stabbed in her gallery, she didn't die. The day she was scheduled to go back they caught the guy...as he was returning to finish what he had started. It was a random thing, she was a random victim, but by surviving she became a specific target. Be wise. Do what you need to feel safe. Even if this means getting a large dog, pepper spray or a self defense class. Your best defense is to just be aware and make others around you aware. Neighbors make great spotters!!! It was the people in the galleries around my mother's that noticed the man's return. They followed him to his apt and called the cops. It was that "community" that prevented further attacks. (((((hugs))))) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bnbacademy Posted January 10, 2013 Share Posted January 10, 2013 Do whatever you need to feel safe. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stayseeliz Posted January 10, 2013 Author Share Posted January 10, 2013 Thank you all so much for your input. I am calling today to add everything to the report and make sure the police know what she said and how she acted. They had to tell her repeatedly to stop talking to us but I don't know that they heard everything she said. It was hard to go to sleep last night. I double checked every window and door several times and was a little spooked. I feel a little better today. I already carry pepper spray and we own a firearm. We'd had plans to buy another and we'll be doing that as well. We know the sheriff here in town and we'll be calling to tell him what happened and I think I'll ask him to just send an extra car around every once in awhile. I am hoping that they are too stupid to take revenge but I don't want to bank on that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jelbe5 Posted January 10, 2013 Share Posted January 10, 2013 I just read your post about the threatening girlfriend. When you are in your home consider keeping your firearm and cell phone on your person at all times until this is resolved. They won't help you if they are not within your reach and you and your dh are obviously afraid for your safety. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swellmomma Posted January 10, 2013 Share Posted January 10, 2013 Very normal to feel that way, and it takes a long time for the worry/paranoia to go away. BTDT it's no fun. The fact the cops called you to warn you of his release means they are worried about the same thing imo and asking for them to do patrols in your neighborhood would not be out of line. I would also be getting an alarm on the car. Do you keep your vehicle registration papers in your glove box? those would have your home address on them Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
swellmomma Posted January 10, 2013 Share Posted January 10, 2013 I was the victim of road rage on my own street. I did stop before I got home. I didn't even want the police in my driveway, because it would give away my address, so I didn't call until the next day. I was still afraid my car would be recognized in our driveway, so I gave the car away ( and yes, I did explain why). At least it was an older model. Do whatever you need to do to feel safe, then go on with life. Let the experience make you wise, not fearful. I posted pictures a couple years ago of what happened to my van after a road rager found it parked in front of my house. Aside from trying to run me off the road at the time and keying my car, he then came back and smashed out all the windows. THen he started watching the house/us if we walked somewhere, and threatening to come back and kill us. It was insanity, we were terrified. All 5 of us slept in my bedroom with a big knife and the phone(my bedroom was the only one that locked and I wanted the kids close to me if he did break in). I had to do a photo line up etc. In the end the only thing that stopped this guy was when my neighbor got his friends in the gang on the corner to look out for us. Them protecting my home and family went further than the police. It was very trollish at the time and I was glad I had pictures to post to prove it all. Like something out of a fiction book. The whole thing was surreal and it took a really long time to feel safe again. The whole thing started because I hit a big puddle leaving my street. I was doing the speedlimit but the drain was plugged and it was huge, I didn't realize how deep it was until I was about to hit it so I could not hit the brakes, I swerved to try and avoid splashing a woman I saw out on the sidewalk and at that moment he opened his car door. I ended up soaking him. I put the window down and apologized but he jumped in his car and came after me. Tried to run me into oncoming traffic. WHen I swerved towards him instead of towards the oncoming cars he put his window down, keyed the hood of my car and yelled that he was going to kill me and torture my kids. I have never been so scared in my life. My car had been broken into in the past before I had that van and I felt violated but never fearful (I didn't have crazy people threatening me when they broke in though), but that guy affected me for a very long time. It has been years and when I talk about it I still get a knot in my stomach. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bnbacademy Posted January 10, 2013 Share Posted January 10, 2013 I was alone at night, and naive as I am... I opened the door and got out of the car to try to reason with him. Well, that didn't work. After screaming and cursing me, he started to choke me, must have thought better of it, and knocked my head against the vehicle instead. He finally walked away cursing and threatening, but never returned, as far as I know. I am fully convinced that the Lord protected me. I asked Jesus to help me, He spoke to my mind as "keep quiet" and, for once, I implicitly obeyed, even tho my intentions were to explain my side of the situation. I should have texted... :001_smile:! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.