Just a vent.

[Just Jane]

We moved back to my home town in June. I'm sick of the judgement. I'm sick of not "fitting in" because of how many kids we have, how much money we have, our political views, religion. People just find some reason not to like you. My kids have made a few friends luckily but I forget how much gossip small towns have.. I can't even talk without the town knowing what I said and someone getting mad at me for it. It feels like highschool again - actually much worse! :001_huh:

 

I'm trying to be positive for the kids. I'm reminding myself that we can move in 3 months. I'm SO glad we decided to rent.. I love the town and being close to some family members but I'm done with the gossip and judgement especially from "friends" or even some family. :glare:

 

Thanks for letting me get that off my chest.

[Jpoy85]

:grouphug:

 

BTDT. When we lived at DHs grandpas house, it was a 1 stoplight town and everyone knew everyone. HATED it.

[caroljenn]

:grouphug:

 

It's like that everywhere, I'm afraid.

[fraidycat]

:grouphug::grouphug:

 

:grouphug:

 

It's like that everywhere, I'm afraid.

 

Not really. I'm from a small city where everyone "knows" everyone else's business...and if they don't, they'll make it up.

 

I've lived in larger places 8-10x larger than my home city, and it wasn't as bad.

 

Now, I live in a much larger place. 100x larger than "home", and I really haven't seen much of it at all, if any.

[Slartibartfast]

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

[TGHEALTHYMOM]

I thought I wanted to move to my small home town and the house I was looking at was 1 block from the ps and it burned down. :001_huh:

 

Not meant to be.

 

We do go to church there and it would be worse if we moved there!

[Barb_]

I hated living in a small towns for many of the reasons listed. Oh, there were nice things too, but everything else was ultimately outweighed by the constant feeling that I was swallowing my identity. I second guessed everything that came out of my mouth and still managed to get myself in hot water on a regular basis. My husband got reamed by his boss because of where we decided to give birth! Yeah, I get it. Hang in there.

[Catwoman]

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

I'm glad it's just short term and that you'll be able to move soon. I would hate it if anyone knew too much about us. I didn't grow up in that kind of environment, so while I know that many people would think it was comforting and nice to know everyone in town and to be into each other's business, it would be stifling and awful for me.

[elegantlion]

We're in a smaller town now. We're just the weird people on the corner, not quite as interesting as the drug dealers that used to live here. We don't have ties here, it just happens to be where we landed.

 

Our previous town wasn't small, but we never did fit it. It was horrible, ds was miserable most of the time, and I was never so glad to leave a place. I have never felt so judged all based upon assumptions. It just makes you feel icky.

 

At least you had the foresight to rent. :cheers2::cheers2:

[klmama]

I always assumed I was very private because of being an introvert, but now I wonder if it's because I grew up in a town like that.

[Impish]

We're getting out of a similar situation in 10 days or less.

 

I had the Queen Bee demand that I put Diva back in school. I told her it was a parenting decision, and not up for discussion or debate. She then told me, "Diva WANTS to be in school!" like I don't know my own kid. I told her, 'Diva wants a pony too, and isn't getting THAT either."

 

Since then, we're dung.

 

Never tick off the Queen Bee. :tongue_smilie:

[Laurie4b]

:grouphug:

 

It's like that everywhere, I'm afraid.

 

No, it's not. It's one reason I went to a university of 20,000. Got a bit of it in the all-girl dorm first year, but not much--and there was a whole group of 19,700 other people within walking distance, so it had minimal impact. It's the inability to dilute it, to change social circles that causes small-town, small-campus social ugliness. You get some people entrenched in their "queen bee" positions, and it gets ugly.

 

I'm the type who is neither a queen bee nor someone who bends the knee to the queen bee, so it's been important for me to be somewhere where I can have the space to be who I am.

[Anne in CA]

Goodness, this is why I hardly ever visit the small town I am from. No one there has forgotten high school. My mother has the same friends as she did in high school although she has added some new ones who have moved to town, but she is pretty radical in that way. I could never live in the same town I grew up in. Too small, too narrow minded, too gossiping, too petty. My sister lives in the area, but she and her husband are above most of those things income and education wise.

[Lisa R.]

What I mean is that it just isn't small towns that become dysfunctional. I've seen that small *groups* can become dysfunctional. A too-small home school support group, youth group, town, home school co-op, neighborhood, etc. has great potential for becoming dysfunctional as there oftentimes aren't enough people to provide the balance a healthy group needs.

 

Also, if you need a break of distance from this group, it isn't possible since *it's the only group*. Not being able to take a needed break can be a significant strain.

 

Anyway, I didn't grow up in a small town, but I've been a part of other types of small groups before. Now that I live in a large city, I've made it a point to find places we can have more space within a larger, healthier group. I've found it a much healthier place to be.

 

JMO

[GWOB]

:grouphug: I get it. Four and a half years ago we moved to our small town in the middle of nowhere. I had such high hopes. I envisioned Mayberry, where everyone knows everybody and helps their neighbor. Instead, I got the Twilight Zone, where one verbal slip-up will be spread to everyone and be used against you forever. I imagined my kids going to their small school and making friends with everyone. Instead, they were labeled "non-natives" and ostracized. When I pulled my kids out of that school for academic reasons, I was labeled an elitist snob. I have actually had Queen Bee wannabes "huff" at me in public, complete with the hair flip. Yes, that really did happen and no, the woman was not 12 (more like 40). I've had people come up to me in public and tell me things (not bad) my husband did at work before he came home for the day. I have been shunned by a whole group of "Christian" women because someone in the clique got offended by something I posted on FB.

 

All of that I could tolerate with an eye roll and a "bless your heart", but my kids have suffered as well. Since they suffered the misfortune of not being born here, they have been purposefully discriminated against on every sport team they've ever played on here, despite their skill level. They've been told if they just went to school, people would like them. The friends they used to have no longer acknowledge their presence in public.

 

We have never experienced anything like this in the larger places we have lived. Never! I have never had trouble finding at least acquaintances. I've always talked to everyone I meet. Apparently I didn't get the memo that if I spoke to certain people I would be blacklisted forever.

 

We will probably stay here in the Twilight Zone. Dh has an excellent job with growth potential. We have never been in a better financial place. Thankfully, I have found 2 other "non-natives" to hang out with. There are a few gems in this town, but the hostile natives ruin it. I won't give those people the satisfaction of running me out of town.

 

I didn't mean for this to get so long. I just wanted to let you know that I completely understand.

[Desert Rat]

My mom's family lives in a tiny, gossipy town. I live in a city of a million people. I'm a little ant in a big old ant hill. No one talks about me.

We were going to move to that small town. It seemed so wonderful in the middle of Amish country. Two things changed my mind. No stores open after 6. And the gossip mill. Not happening. Okay, mold and bugs played a part in our decision, too. We don't have either in the desert. :)

OP, :grouphug:

[Just Jane]

Thanks. It definitely is not like this everywhere. We moved out of a large metro area. There are way to many people for much gossip outside of social circles and if gossip started you could easily find a new group of people. Here there isn't that option.

 

Hopefully, we can move sooner but we still need to figure out where we're going. :001_smile:

[Catwoman]

I told her, 'Diva wants a pony too, and isn't getting THAT either."

 

 

I Can. Not. Believe. that you won't get her the pony. :glare:

 

;) ;) ;) ;)

[Impish]

I Can. Not. Believe. that you won't get her the pony. :glare:

 

;) ;) ;) ;)

I know. We're all sorts of EBIL! EBIL, I tells ya!

[Catwoman]

I know. We're all sorts of EBIL! EBIL, I tells ya!

 

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

[Harriet Vane]

:grouphug: I get it. Four and a half years ago we moved to our small town in the middle of nowhere. I had such high hopes. I envisioned Mayberry, where everyone knows everybody and helps their neighbor. Instead, I got the Twilight Zone, where one verbal slip-up will be spread to everyone and be used against you forever. I imagined my kids going to their small school and making friends with everyone. Instead, they were labeled "non-natives" and ostracized. When I pulled my kids out of that school for academic reasons, I was labeled an elitist snob. I have actually had Queen Bee wannabes "huff" at me in public, complete with the hair flip. Yes, that really did happen and no, the woman was not 12 (more like 40). I've had people come up to me in public and tell me things (not bad) my husband did at work before he came home for the day. I have been shunned by a whole group of "Christian" women because someone in the clique got offended by something I posted on FB.

 

All of that I could tolerate with an eye roll and a "bless your heart", but my kids have suffered as well. Since they suffered the misfortune of not being born here, they have been purposefully discriminated against on every sport team they've ever played on here, despite their skill level. They've been told if they just went to school, people would like them. The friends they used to have no longer acknowledge their presence in public.

 

We have never experienced anything like this in the larger places we have lived. Never! I have never had trouble finding at least acquaintances. I've always talked to everyone I meet. Apparently I didn't get the memo that if I spoke to certain people I would be blacklisted forever.

 

We will probably stay here in the Twilight Zone. Dh has an excellent job with growth potential. We have never been in a better financial place. Thankfully, I have found 2 other "non-natives" to hang out with. There are a few gems in this town, but the hostile natives ruin it. I won't give those people the satisfaction of running me out of town.

 

I didn't mean for this to get so long. I just wanted to let you know that I completely understand.

 

:grouphug:

[freeindeed]

We moved back to my home town in June. I'm sick of the judgement. I'm sick of not "fitting in" because of how many kids we have, how much money we have, our political views, religion. People just find some reason not to like you. My kids have made a few friends luckily but I forget how much gossip small towns have.. I can't even talk without the town knowing what I said and someone getting mad at me for it. It feels like highschool again - actually much worse! :001_huh:

 

I'm trying to be positive for the kids. I'm reminding myself that we can move in 3 months. I'm SO glad we decided to rent.. I love the town and being close to some family members but I'm done with the gossip and judgement especially from "friends" or even some family. :glare:

 

Thanks for letting me get that off my chest.

:grouphug:

I live in my hubby's hometown...little city with lots of little minds!:tongue_smilie:

[besroma]

Glad you are renting! :grouphug:

[Alicia64]

:grouphug: Instead, I got the Twilight Zone, .

 

 

:lol:

 

Small towns are stifling and nosy. Ritzy places like CA and NY can be too "keep up with the Joneses."

 

I'm glad we landed in a state that is "down home" and friendly (for the most part).

 

 

Alley

[Moxie]

To me, the saddest part of a small town is the way no one is allowed to grow up.

Troubled youth? Well, you'll always be bad in everyone's eyes.

Sports star in high school? Better enjoy it because that is how you will be known until you're 50. That time when you were 17 was the highlight of your entire life. Sad.