Is it selfish to pick your game over your 6 year olds?

[Jenny in Florida]

Okay, in my house (and my heart), my kid's game would get priority unless I were playing professionally. My feeling is that I likely have lots of years ahead for hobbies and will need to fill my time after my kids are done with me. I can wait.

 

If it's a job, obviously that would change the picture for me. But, a game I'm playing for fun versus something my kid does for fun? Kid wins.

 

(Personally, I'd probably have a better time being at the kid's game than my own under those circumstances, too, since I'd feel guilty making him miss it.)

[Jenny in Florida]

ETA: My children joined my life, not the other way around.

 

Ah, but you chose them, not the other way around.

[fhjmom]

So while most of you would take the kid, it does seem to matter what he would prefer. I think as cold as it is going to be on Sat. he'd probably rather stay with grandpa, and if I could arrange for a certain friend I am sure he'd rather stay there. The older boys (and I) love soccer. Really I think he just wants to play because we all do, not because he enjoys it or even ever wants to go.

 

I do play on a league, but for Sat. I would be filling in on the U18/16 team, who will be short enough they will be playing with U14 players and old women like me ;). I also help coach the U14s and U12s (okay and the U8s when we show up, but he really doesn't care most of the time).

 

The U8s will have plenty of players whether ds6 shows up or not.

 

The question is a bit misleading because it isn't YOUR game, it is a scrimmage with you filling in for a team that is not depending on you to be there. (Sorry, if a U18/16 team is using U14 players and adults, there is no way it could be considered a true game.)

 

Saying the younger son would rather spend time at grandpa's, it's going to be cold, etc. etc. just sounds like an attempt at justification to get what you want. I don't think they are really valid excuses, IMHO. Would you use those reasons to not take him to his game if you didn't have something you would rather be doing yourself?

 

At this age, my goal for my girls was player development. If my child was going to get the best opportunity to develop his skills and a positive attitude about the game, then I would seriously consider how making the decision to skip a game for my own convenience/desires looks to him. Game time is important for player development.

 

Just so you know that I truly understand where you are coming from, I am a soccer player, too. The last time I played in a league was about 8 years ago. I have wanted to play, but the kids schedule always seemed to conflict with the adult leagues I could join. I am starting up again in a league that begins next week! I have already put on my calendar that I will miss at least two of my own games due to the priority of kids activities on those nights.

 

IMHO, you should take DS to his game.

[Mallory]

Yes I am feeling guilty, even though I don't think he cares that much. Yes I think his soccer gets the short end of the stick. Yes I probably shouldn't have signed him up at all, but I thought it would work better then it has. I purposefully didn't sign my older boys up for sports at 6, I don't know why I thought it was a better idea with my 3rd kid at a time when we have lots of other commitments and dh isn't around in the evenings for any practice or on sat. for games.

 

I really want to share soccer with him like I do with the older boys. I don't think his coach is very serious about it either- in the 7 or so weeks of soccer, he has had 3 practices. If there is even a chance of rain the coach cancels them. And even when we have made it ds always wants to leave early. Not that we do, just he sits on the sidelines. The comment about when we show up was really about his coach, not me acutally driving into town to practice.

 

We live outside a tiny town in a county without stoplights. It's very rural and driving for activities is a given. Usually everyone's games are in the same town. So it isn't that big of a deal to get everyone to thier games.

 

Okay, I'm still feeling guilty and conflicted- come on you're supposed to help me. :bigear: But probably just going to pull him from the team....

[Dmmetler]

Which team needs the player more? My experience is that many adult league/teams are small enough that if too many people miss, they have to forfeit. 6 yr old teams, not so much-usually they've got enough kids that they're having to rotate in between periods.

 

I do think I'd try to find a way to get the 6 yr old to his game-a coach, another parent, a friendly neighbor. Heck-even hire a babysitter who can drive if you have one you trust. But I'd also make going to your game a priority. Because chances are very high, on an adult team, that there will be multiple players who prioritize their kids above the team, leaving the remaining team hanging by a thread.

[Jenny in Florida]

Okay, I'm still feeling guilty and conflicted- come on you're supposed to help me. :bigear: But probably just going to pull him from the team....

 

I don't understand what kind of help you want? You asked a question. We all answered. You don't like our answers, even though you more or less agree with them. So, now we're not helpful?

 

You signed up your child for this team, making a committment both to the team and, more importantly as far as I'm concerned, to him to get him there to play. Now, you want to skip it, because you have something else you'd rather do. And the solution is to just forget the whole thing.

 

I know you don't know me at all, and that my opinion won't make or break your day, but this is a decision I have real trouble respecting.

[TammyS]

Ah, but you chose them, not the other way around.

 

And for that choice that they got the gift of LIFE. My life didn't end when I had children. And while my children's NEEDS are more important than my desires, their DESIRES are not more important than mine. Once needs are met, then everyone's desires get balanced. I am strongly opposed to the idea that children trump parents just by dint of the fact that they are children. Not only is it an unbalanced view, it also tends to raise narcissistic, self-center people who believe they are the center of the universe, because for twenty years they were treated like the center of the universe.

 

I repeat: my children joined my life, not the other way around.

[TammyS]

Yes I am feeling guilty, even though I don't think he cares that much. Yes I think his soccer gets the short end of the stick. Yes I probably shouldn't have signed him up at all, but I thought it would work better then it has. I purposefully didn't sign my older boys up for sports at 6, I don't know why I thought it was a better idea with my 3rd kid at a time when we have lots of other commitments and dh isn't around in the evenings for any practice or on sat. for games.

 

I really want to share soccer with him like I do with the older boys. I don't think his coach is very serious about it either- in the 7 or so weeks of soccer, he has had 3 practices. If there is even a chance of rain the coach cancels them. And even when we have made it ds always wants to leave early. Not that we do, just he sits on the sidelines. The comment about when we show up was really about his coach, not me acutally driving into town to practice.

 

 

If this is really how you feel, maybe you should just pull him from the team and try again in a couple of years. It sounds like it's not really working on any level. Sometimes things don't work. It's not a huge deal (particularly since you said they have enough players as it is).

[ChristineW]

I don't understand what kind of help you want? You asked a question. We all answered. You don't like our answers, even though you more or less agree with them. So, now we're not helpful?

 

You signed up your child for this team, making a committment both to the team and, more importantly as far as I'm concerned, to him to get him there to play. Now, you want to skip it, because you have something else you'd rather do. And the solution is to just forget the whole thing.

 

I know you don't know me at all, and that my opinion won't make or break your day, but this is a decision I have real trouble respecting.

 

 

:iagree:

[Mrs Mungo]

Personally, I don't think it's necessarily *wrong* for a parent to choose playing a sport over a 6 year old playing a sport. But, when we make a commitment to play on a team or do an activity, then that's what we do. My eldest dd's team had a really hard time one year because of the number of girls who wouldn't bother to show up. One game they would have had to forfeit, but a girl from the opposing team played with them so they wouldn't have to.

 

So, I think the choice needs to be made up front, not on the back end by not showing up to games.

[ChristineW]

And for that choice that they got the gift of LIFE. My life didn't end when I had children. And while my children's NEEDS are more important than my desires, their DESIRES are not more important than mine. Once needs are met, then everyone's desires get balanced. I am strongly opposed to the idea that children trump parents just by dint of the fact that they are children. Not only is it an unbalanced view, it also tends to raise narcissistic, self-center people who believe they are the center of the universe, because for twenty years they were treated like the center of the universe.

 

I repeat: my children joined my life, not the other way around.

 

But in this case, the OP is being the narcissist. She is teaching her son a very bad lesson, by showing him that mommy's WANTS are more important than the COMMITMENTS made to him and his team. She's not playing a real game with real stakes; the team is already going to forfeit so its just a scrimmage.

 

The point of sports at age six is to develop teamwork, learn to work through rough situations (too cold, too hot, against a team you can't possibly beat), and just show up. Only bringing him when she feels like it completely undermines everything he's supposed to be learning, and sends a signal that he isn't as important as his brothers. If she had said he wasn't old enough before signing him up or decided early in the season that it wouldn't work that would be one thing, but he should finish out the season and she should take him tomorrow.

 

I am not one of those "kids first" kind of parents. DS missed his first cub scout pack meeting b/c mom and dad already had plans to attend a fundraiser. My youngest isn't in dance b/c mom wants one day a week where she isn't running the kids to an activity. She can wait six months to start when Monday classes open up. However, I am an honor your commitments kind of mom.

 

Christine

[TammyS]

Yes, but does the issue being discussed in this thread fit what you are saying? I think it's perfectly fine to sign up for a sport instead of signing your kid up for a sport if for whatever reason you can't do both. But if you have already signed them up? That doesn't seem right. Nobody is saying don't do anything for yourself and you as the mom aren't important. They are saying you already entered into a commitment on behalf or your child so wigging out on it for the reason given isn't really right.

 

I don't entirely disagree with this. My initial impression of this thread was that the OP was talking about a one-time, unforeseen conflict. On further understanding I think the base problem is that 6y/o's whole team experience is just not working out. I think that's fine, it happens. Personally, I think the real solution is just to drop the team for this year, since there are plenty of players and he won't be leaving the team hanging.

[Mrs Mungo]

Personally, I think the real solution is just to drop the team for this year, since there are plenty of players and he won't be leaving the team hanging.

 

I agree. Sometimes there is no perfect solution and you have to go with the one that's going to work best.

[Jenny in Florida]

I am strongly opposed to the idea that children trump parents just by dint of the fact that they are children. Not only is it an unbalanced view, it also tends to raise narcissistic, self-center people who believe they are the center of the universe, because for twenty years they were treated like the center of the universe.

 

I repeat: my children joined my life, not the other way around.

 

I'd love to know where in any of my comments you got that I suggested any such thing?

 

What I'm suggesting is that, when we make the choice to have children, we make an implied committment to do our very best for them. I said in my very first post that we, as adults, have plenty of time before we have children and then again after we're done actively being hands-on parents to pursue our own hobbies. I, personally, do not find it a hardship to set my own hobbies aside for the relatively few years that are required to put my kids first during their childhoods. I can't imagine why anyone would bother to have kids if they don't feel the same way.

 

My kids do not run roughshod over me or anyone else. They are not self-centered or narcissistic. (You know who does have those tendencies? My husband, who never felt like he was a priority for his parents, and who now thinks it should be "his turn.") They each put a lot of time and effort into volunteering and helping others, and they are appreciative of having a mom whom they know cares more for their happiness than her own.

 

It's not a hardship for me to put them first. I like as well as love them (most of the time), and they are more interesting, more important and more fun than anything else I might do with my time.

 

I have no interest in sports, and I know nothing about soccer except that I think you're not allowed to touch the ball with your hands. So, I can't relate to the original question specifically. I tried to come up with a comparable situation to consider. I eventually decided the closest parallel for me would be having to choose between spending an evening watching one of my kids perform in a tuition-based youth theatre production (which I'm able to sit through much of the time only because I love my kids) and seeing a Broadway touring company production of a new show. For me, it wouldn't even be a question: I'd want to go see my kid's show. Would I be a little sad or wistful about missing the other one? Probably, but it wouldn't cause me any lasting trauma. And the weight on the scale of being there to see and support my kid is so much more significant that I wouldn't need to spend half a second thinking about it.

 

So, I just can't imagine having to really struggle with this kind of question. It's not making a sacrifice for me to make that choice, because being there for and with my kid is what I want to do more than going off by myself doing my own thing. I've done that, and I'll do it again later. Right now, my kids are my thing.

[Angel]

I really want to share soccer with him like I do with the older boys.

 

If that is what you really want, then you wouldn't be asking whether or not you should skip his game.

 

Honestly, it sounds to me like your little ds's interest lie somewhere other than soccer and that he is just doing it to go along with the family so he doesn't get left out and forgotten. I have seen this is too many families. If he truly doesn't care much about soccer then spend some time with him trying to figure out what he does care about and help him find his own niche.

 

By the way, in this specific instance, I believe you are being selfish and should suck it up and go to his game.

[Catwoman]

And for that choice that they got the gift of LIFE. My life didn't end when I had children. And while my children's NEEDS are more important than my desires, their DESIRES are not more important than mine. Once needs are met, then everyone's desires get balanced. I am strongly opposed to the idea that children trump parents just by dint of the fact that they are children. Not only is it an unbalanced view, it also tends to raise narcissistic, self-center people who believe they are the center of the universe, because for twenty years they were treated like the center of the universe.

 

I repeat: my children joined my life, not the other way around.

 

I strongly disagree with this. When I was growing up, I was the "center of the universe" for my parents and they always put aside their desires so I could do what I wanted, or so I could receive the gifts I wanted, or whatever.

 

And do you know what happened?

 

Now I do the exact same thing for my ds. Because that's the example that was set for me. Kids are only kids for a short time, and then all of the stresses of life are upon them, so I want my ds to have the happy, indulged childhood that I had, not have to deal with a narcissistic, self-centered mother who puts her own needs above his own.

 

My brother had the same experience I did, and he put all four of his kids' needs and wants above his own -- and he did it happily. And the kids appreciated it and have incredibly wonderful memories of their dad. And they are now repeating the behavior that was modeled for them by their own parents with their children.

 

So I think it's just an excuse on the part of selfish parents to suggest that they're doing their kids a favor by not prioritizing the kids over themselves. IMO, selfish parents end up with kids who grow up to be selfish adults, because that's the example that was set for them.

 

And I know that some people think that because they "gave their kids life," the kids owe them something. I see it the other way around. I chose to have my son, so I believe I owe him the best possible life I can give him.

Edited October 26, 2012 by Catwoman

[NorthwestMom]

But in this case, the OP is being the narcissist. She is teaching her son a very bad lesson, by showing him that mommy's WANTS are more important than the COMMITMENTS made to him and his team. She's not playing a real game with real stakes; the team is already going to forfeit so its just a scrimmage.

 

The point of sports at age six is to develop teamwork, learn to work through rough situations (too cold, too hot, against a team you can't possibly beat), and just show up. Only bringing him when she feels like it completely undermines everything he's supposed to be learning, and sends a signal that he isn't as important as his brothers. If she had said he wasn't old enough before signing him up or decided early in the season that it wouldn't work that would be one thing, but he should finish out the season and she should take him tomorrow.

 

I am not one of those "kids first" kind of parents. DS missed his first cub scout pack meeting b/c mom and dad already had plans to attend a fundraiser. My youngest isn't in dance b/c mom wants one day a week where she isn't running the kids to an activity. She can wait six months to start when Monday classes open up. However, I am an honor your commitments kind of mom.

 

Christine

 

:iagree:

[amy g.]

Cat, I really heart you!

[scrapbookbuzz]

It may be selfish but a previous poster has a point: your 6 yo has MANY games ahead of him. He may be disappointed to miss his games this week but he will get over it. As parents we give ourselves few opportunities to do what we really want to do. Our children, while often needing to come first, must not ALWAYS come first, else what are we teaching them? We do so much for them, they can also make sacrifices for us. Go enjoy your game! Maybe he can be the ball boy during that game.

[Mrs Mungo]

For the record? I think it is okay for parents to sometimes prioritize themselves over their kids. Sorry, but I have known too many parents who were lost without their kids. I have known too many moms who didn't even prioritize their health over their kids. Kids need parents who are reasonably healthy both mentally and physically. Most of us are already making huge sacrifices by homeschooling. My kids do lots of activities, and we do our level best to honor commitments that we have made. BUT, dh and I do have other hobbies, interests and work (even if I don't usually get paid) outside of our kids. We work hard to maintain that. I don't think it is selfish at all. I know that is all outside the scope of the OP, but I had to clarify on that point, given some of the other posts.

[kathkath]

I think you should take him in efforts to model how we keep our committments. THere is too much "I'll do this unless something better comes up" going on in our society today and it is rude.

[JFSinIL]

I've read most of the posts here - and under the circumstances I'd pull the younger kid from his team....and discuss WITH HIM another FUN activity you CAN commit to. This will stress to him that he is just as important to you as his older brothers (and your love of playing, too) while finding something (craft club? Scouts? music lessons? cooking new things together weekly?) that you can make happen on a weekly basis.

Edited October 26, 2012 by JFSinIL

[justLisa]

I strongly disagree with this. When I was growing up, I was the "center of the universe" for my parents and they always put aside their desires so I could do what I wanted, or so I could receive the gifts I wanted, or whatever.

 

And do you know what happened?

 

Now I do the exact same thing for my ds. Because that's the example that was set for me. Kids are only kids for a short time, and then all of the stresses of life are upon them, so I want my ds to have the happy, indulged childhood that I had, not have to deal with a narcissistic, self-centered mother who puts her own needs above his own.

 

My brother had the same experience I did, and he put all four of his kids' needs and wants above his own -- and he did it happily. And the kids appreciated it and have incredibly wonderful memories of their dad. And they are now repeating the behavior that was modeled for them by their own parents with their children.

 

So I think it's just an excuse on the part of selfish parents to suggest that they're doing their kids a favor by not prioritizing the kids over themselves. IMO, selfish parents end up with kids who grow up to be selfish adults, because that's the example that was set for them.

 

And I know that some people think that because they "gave their kids life," the kids owe them something. I see it the other way around. I chose to have my son, so I believe I owe him the best possible life I can give him.

 

I love it! And it's the same with me. And my kids :D

 

They ARE the center of my universe. I am still the center of the universe according to my parents. We are like one ridiculous bunch of happy loving people :lol:

[CountitallJoy]

Cat, I really heart you!

 

Me too! Cat, I wish I had your gift for saying what you want to say with genuine kindness. What I've really wanted to say on this thread would most likely get me banned...

[warneral]

Decide for yourselves and pass no judgements.

 

I would venture to say that most moms here via homeschoolin/after schooling put their kids as a high priority.

[Mommy22alyns]

I strongly disagree with this. When I was growing up, I was the "center of the universe" for my parents and they always put aside their desires so I could do what I wanted, or so I could receive the gifts I wanted, or whatever.

 

And do you know what happened?

 

Now I do the exact same thing for my ds. Because that's the example that was set for me. Kids are only kids for a short time, and then all of the stresses of life are upon them, so I want my ds to have the happy, indulged childhood that I had, not have to deal with a narcissistic, self-centered mother who puts her own needs above his own.

 

My brother had the same experience I did, and he put all four of his kids' needs and wants above his own -- and he did it happily. And the kids appreciated it and have incredibly wonderful memories of their dad. And they are now repeating the behavior that was modeled for them by their own parents with their children.

 

So I think it's just an excuse on the part of selfish parents to suggest that they're doing their kids a favor by not prioritizing the kids over themselves. IMO, selfish parents end up with kids who grow up to be selfish adults, because that's the example that was set for them.

 

And I know that some people think that because they "gave their kids life," the kids owe them something. I see it the other way around. I chose to have my son, so I believe I owe him the best possible life I can give him.

 

Just another :iagree:.

 

Look, I was NOT someone who was the center of her parents' universe. So what did THAT do to me? I want to allow my kids to feel that kind of love and dedication. It is a CHOICE I make. Do I always, without fail, put them first? No. Sometimes I just want to watch a baseball game and they can fend for themselves. But if Sylvia has choir, my desire to watch TV does not take precedence.

 

I can't even with the "my kids joined MY life" thing. I can't.

[Parrothead]

I read the first 70 or so posts but no one addressed this:

The older two have games in one town. Ds11's team plays at 12:45 and 2. Ds13's team plays at 9 and 11:30...

 

But my ds6 has games in another town at 11 and 12:30.

How are you supposed to be in two places at once?

You have one game in Town A at 9

A game in Town B at 11

A game in Town A at 11:30

A game in Town B at 12:30

A game back in Town A at 12:45 and 2

 

How on earth are you to shuttle everyone from town to town and watch each kid play and play your own game? Logistically it can't possibly work. If there is any way to let each person play in one game?

 

I say everyone stays home and goes to the movies.

Edited October 26, 2012 by Parrothead

[justLisa]

I read the first 70 or so posts but no one addressed this:

How are you supposed to be in two places at once?

You have one game in Town A at 9

A game in Town B at 11

A game in Town A at 11:30

A game in Town B at 12:30

A game back in Town A at 12:45 and 2

 

How on earth are you to shuttle everyone from town to town and watch each kid play and play your own game? Logistically it can't possibly work.

 

I say everyone stays home and goes to the movies.

 

:lol:

 

I change my opinion to the above :lol:

[HS Mom in NC]

I think it's OK if he misses one every now and then when it's just impossible to get everyone to different places at the same time. I think it's important for everyone to learn to graciously put themselves aside for someone else sometimes and to learn not to feel guilty those times other people put themselves aside for you. Everyone can give and take sometimes-even six year olds once in a while. I wouldn't do it just to make a point, but when circumstances call for it occasionally, I think it's OK.

 

While I agree it's important to be on time and attend very regularly, there are times when life happens and it's impossible to be on time or at a game/performance/rehearsal/event. The more kids you have the more likely it is this will happen sometimes. Only skip group activities when you have to and you don't have to feel bad about it.

[Just Jane]

If that is what you really want, then you wouldn't be asking whether or not you should skip his game.

 

Honestly, it sounds to me like your little ds's interest lie somewhere other than soccer and that he is just doing it to go along with the family so he doesn't get left out and forgotten. I have seen this is too many families. If he truly doesn't care much about soccer then spend some time with him trying to figure out what he does care about and help him find his own niche.

 

By the way, in this specific instance, I believe you are being selfish and should suck it up and go to his game.

:iagree::iagree:

 

 

I strongly disagree with this. When I was growing up, I was the "center of the universe" for my parents and they always put aside their desires so I could do what I wanted, or so I could receive the gifts I wanted, or whatever.

 

And do you know what happened?

 

Now I do the exact same thing for my ds. Because that's the example that was set for me. Kids are only kids for a short time, and then all of the stresses of life are upon them, so I want my ds to have the happy, indulged childhood that I had, not have to deal with a narcissistic, self-centered mother who puts her own needs above his own.

 

My brother had the same experience I did, and he put all four of his kids' needs and wants above his own -- and he did it happily. And the kids appreciated it and have incredibly wonderful memories of their dad. And they are now repeating the behavior that was modeled for them by their own parents with their children.

 

So I think it's just an excuse on the part of selfish parents to suggest that they're doing their kids a favor by not prioritizing the kids over themselves. IMO, selfish parents end up with kids who grow up to be selfish adults, because that's the example that was set for them.

 

And I know that some people think that because they "gave their kids life," the kids owe them something. I see it the other way around. I chose to have my son, so I believe I owe him the best possible life I can give him.

I love this post! :)

[Jenny in Florida]

How on earth are you to shuttle everyone from town to town and watch each kid play and play your own game? Logistically it can't possibly work. If there is any way to let each person play in one game?

 

I say everyone stays home and goes to the movies.

 

As I recall, Mallory said she was planning to find rides for the two older kids, but didn't feel comfortable (or know any of the other parents well enough) to do the same for the youngest.

 

For what it's worth, Mrs. Mungo's comments about parents and hobbies have bugged me while I was out running around this evening. And I wanted to clarify that, despite my strong feelings on the "kids joined MY life" thing, I am not a person who sacrifices my own being for my children. I, too, have hobbies, including most of the things I did before kids and some things I've discovered through participating in their interests. I read about as much as I ever did. I listen to music and love discovering new artists. I do a variety of crafts. I have a dog I adore spending time playing and cuddling with. I listen to favorite podcasts while doing nice, long walks with the dog each morning. I see lots of theatre. I watch the TV shows I enjoy.

 

The only thing that has changed for me is that I have chosen to focus during this season of my life on the activities I like that fit most neatly into pockets and don't take away anything from my family. Because my kids are older, I can now say to them without guilt, "Can we do this later? I'm reading at the moment." Or, "Hold that thought. I'll be with you in a few." And I'm all too aware that, within a few years, I won't have to ask, because they will be off and away living their own lives. That's as it should be. Personally, I believe one part of parents' job is to make sure they become obsolete. But I plan to make sure I'm present for as much of this part of the journey as I can manage, for my own sake almost as much as for my children.

[NanceXToo]

Eh, if we take what you said at face value and your son doesn't particularly love soccer or care to go or to stay once he's there and so on and would enjoy the visit to Grandpa's, then, no, I don't think it's a huge deal for him to miss a game, or to be pulled from the team as it doesn't sound like something he loves, and it sounds like things are pretty chaotic for you.

 

I also don't think you're a horrible mom if you indulge yourself in something you want to do over what the kids want to do- IF it's something that only comes up now and then and not on a regular basis. Taking time for yourself sometimes is okay! Constantly putting the kids on the back burner so you can satisfy your every desire is not okay. There's a difference, and I'm sure you know what that difference is.

 

I love to provide my kids with the best possible life, too, and I like to give them as many varied experiences as I can, and to help them follow their interests, so we do quite a few activities (feels like too many sometimes but since some are just temporary/short term, it gets easier again once those end and we just have the ongoing ones). Sometimes I just have to say no, or a scheduling conflict comes up and somebody has to miss something so the other can go (when that happens, I try to juggle it fairly each time).

 

And once in a blue moon I want to make plans for ME that might involve somebody having to miss something- we all roll with it. I'm still doing my best, giving them as many experiences and memories as I can, while sometimes just throwing up my hands and deciding to meet my own needs instead. And yes sometimes "my own needs" just means my desires, but if I don't have a little bit of time to recharge and make myself happy, I don't see how I'd be making anyone else happy, either.

 

(I do get the commitment angle, though, that many posters are talking about and teaching a kid to follow through on their commitments, but sometimes with that many people you can't always be there, and I don't agree that the alternative is just to not sign them up for things at all. I'd rather they get as much as they can out of the experience when they can).