s/o teA thread

[Just Kate]

What if you are in your mid-thirties and you find that you just don't enjoy teA much anymore, even though you wish you did? What if your dh still really loves teA and it is causing him to feel bad because he'd really like to enjoy a cuppa teA with his wife on a regular basis?

 

Is it normal to just stop liking teA (not suddenly...more like slowly over time)?

[thescrappyhomeschooler]

What if you are in your mid-thirties and you find that you just don't enjoy teA much anymore, even though you wish you did? What if your dh still really loves teA and it is causing him to feel bad because he'd really like to enjoy a cuppa teA with his wife on a regular basis?

 

Is it normal to just stop liking teA (not suddenly...more like slowly over time)?

 

I don't think it is "normal" for a woman in her mid thirties not to enjoy it. However, lots of contributing factors can make it seem more like a chore than a pleasure- kids, housework, stress, depression, etc. Or, there may be a physical problem causing it. I would discuss it with your doctor.

[JenC3]

Well I think hormones fluctuate throughout life and our body image also can affect ones drive. I think you just have to buck up and do it. Commit to it. To avoid it is not fair to the other spouse. Now are we talking everyday or once a twice a week?

[Murphy101]

I think it is normal to go through phases where you just aren't interested and it's also normal that those phases won't always mesh with dh's inclinations.

 

I also don't think it far to deprive dh of something you know he needs to feel affection from you. Especially as I think most women would understand being hurt if their dh said he wasn't interested in them anymore when they still felt strongly inclined.

 

Check hormones, be sure it's a phase and not a hint of a medical issue.

 

Then try to be kind to your dh. Who knows, maybe he will surprise you and sometimes you'll enjoy it more than you thought you would.

 

:grouphug:

[SailorMom]

I think short periods of disinterest are normal all throughout our life. But any extended period should be looked in to.

Stress, lack of sleep, chemical imbalances all can be an issue. But, I personally think that whomever is having the problems with interest should actively seek a solution for the sake and love of their significant other.

I'm in my late 30's and hope DH and I have fifty more years of enjoyment ahead of us :D This said - there have certainly been times when my interest level plummeted because of life circumstances or health.

[justamouse]

I think it is normal to go through phases where you just aren't interested and it's also normal that those phases won't always mesh with dh's inclinations.

 

I also don't think it far to deprive dh of something you know he needs to feel affection from you. Especially as I think most women would understand being hurt if their dh said he wasn't interested in them anymore when they still felt strongly inclined.

 

Check hormones, be sure it's a phase and not a hint of a medical issue.

 

Then try to be kind to your dh. Who knows, maybe he will surprise you and sometimes you'll enjoy it more than you thought you would.

 

:grouphug:

 

:iagree:

 

Perhaps it would help you if you thought about transitional time.

 

I mean, you (universal) can stick with being resentful (Someone *else* who wants my time!) or, you can reframe it and engage. When you engage, you take ownership.

 

If I've had a hard day, and Dh wants to have a cup, he knows to give me a back rub. Sounds stupid, but it gives me time to switch my thinking, helps me focus on the physical reactions of my body, and then I can be present, instead of being grumpy.

 

The bad part is that no one is allowed to touch my back except Dh. :D No massages for me!

Edited September 14, 2012 by justamouse

[bobbeym]

Yep. I've read from various sources that the desire for a woman to have teA is almost completely mental. So short of a medical problem, it's probably a result of juggling kids, house, jobs, schooling, etc.

 

Sheila Wray Gregoire has a great book called The Good Girl's Guide and a blog (To Love, Honor and Vacuum) where she talks openly about teA and marriage.

[marbel]

I think short periods of disinterest are normal all throughout our life. But any extended period should be looked in to.

Stress, lack of sleep, chemical imbalances all can be an issue. But, I personally think that whomever is having the problems with interest should actively seek a solution for the sake and love of their significant other.

I'm in my late 30's and hope DH and I have fifty more years of enjoyment ahead of us :D This said - there have certainly been times when my interest level plummeted because of life circumstances or health.

 

I think this is true.

 

Both parties may have to compromise a little sometimes. Sometimes the one who wants it more may have to be content with a little less than desired. But the one who doesn't want it needs to find a way sometimes.

 

More transitional time, as a pp said, is good. And I've just had to change my thinking sometimes. Sometimes, how can I say this properly... I am not interested but participate anyway. It may not be particularly physically satisfying for me but it can be emotionally satisfying, kwim? And sometimes I'll be surprised, by starting out not really into the idea but warming up, so to speak.

 

Hormonal changes can wreak havoc with this area.

 

The most important thing I've found (not that I'm some marriage expert, but we have had lots of ups and down in 17 years) is communication. If I'm not feeling warm toward teA at a particular time, I talk to my husband about it. I don't just shun him, or avoid obvious invitations to teA. Saying "hey, I am just worn out/beaten down/feeling cr*ppy tonight, I'm sorry" helps the other person not to feel rejected. And then I make an effort the next day. (Not liking the word "effort" there, because it implies a duty. It's not like "close your eyes and think of England" or whatever that old saying is.)

[zookeeper]

Definitely get your hormones checked by a knowledgable dr.

[Kathryn]

This is a sore spot with me. I get it intellectually, but the advice to just do it anyway is just repugnant to me. Perhaps it comes from having been raped and used by men, but the thought of having to to do it even when I don't want it just because someone else "needs" to put his pen!s in me to feel love would make me angry and even less likely to want to do it.

Edited September 14, 2012 by kebg11
Weird autocorrect.

[SailorMom]

Other than hormones (which I wouldn't want to take either) diet, exercise, meditation, some sort of stress relief.....

[Kathryn]

Ok, people talk about having it checked out, but is there anything that can actually be done about it? I was told by a doctor there was not much that could be done. And I refuse to take hormones.

 

OP, I'm in exactly the same boat. I don't know what to do about it. Unfortunately, it has been like this for a very long time. I do my best, but seriously it takes an incredible amount of effort on my part. And it doesn't seem to me like it should be that difficult and I'm kinda tired of having to essentially fake it, but yeah, that's where I'm at.

 

I'm in the same boat. Thankfully, DH's drive is going down as well and he usually understands that I just want to sleep, but I do make an "effort" to go there.

[SailorMom]

I think part of the problem is that there is absolutely no room for being spontaneous. I have to be in the mood within a very short window. So maybe it does come down to the whole "busy mom" thing.

 

Absolutely. It's a true libido killer.

I do not think 'forcing' yourself to do it when you're not in the mood is a good idea, because the guy can tell. I think it would be real turn-off for my DH... So - sometimes less is more when you're stressed out and busy.

If you can only manage once a week (as an example - once a month, once a whatever...) - but then it's good, and you're both really present - then that is better than twice or three times when you're not really there.....

Also - it is almost 100% mental for us women. Your Dh needs to get that. He has to help you transition from the role f mom to that of passionate wife :)

Edited September 14, 2012 by SailorMom

[Kathryn]

I think part of the problem is that there is absolutely no room for being spontaneous. I have to be in the mood within a very short window. So maybe it does come down to the whole "busy mom" thing.

 

My husband is understanding, but I know he would like it more often. I just don't know how to do that. I'd rather do it less often and have it be good, than fake it regularly just cuz.

 

Yep, I think that's A LOT of it with me. I can't turn off the million things running through my head, tune out the noises of the kids if they're up, or go from "mom" to "there" in sixty seconds. My life is so wrapped up in children right now that it's hard for me to get in a brewing state of mind. Moments to myself are so rare that they are about ME relaxing and having to attend to yet another person's needs is sometimes annoying.

[UnsinkableKristen]

My husband is understanding, but I know he would like it more often. I just don't know how to do that. I'd rather do it less often and have it be good, than fake it regularly just cuz.

 

 

But sometimes our husbands would like just the opposite. I know my DH would rather have regularly scheduled "maintenance" teA than rare but "good" teA.

 

When teA is done right it is supposed to be both parties enjoying themselves and sharing something wonderful. But like *any* joint effort, it requires compromise :).

[Julie in CA]

I searched but can't find the post from the past.

 

Someone here mentioned that sometimes it helps if you dab a tiny bit of...umm...(I'm just gonna say it...:blushing:) lubric@nt on your (ahem) sensitive external parts several hours in advance of possible teA brewing, and then go about your normal business. I think the sensation does sort of increase your "awareness" of that area, which in turn gets you thinking about...which is half the battle right there for a lot of women. Worth a try, and costs only a few dollars if you don't already have the right "supplies". :leaving:

[thescrappyhomeschooler]

Yeah, but imagine you are not hungry at all. I mean you have absolutely no desire to eat and on top of that you feel like throwing up. And someone offers you a thick piece of heavy cloying chocolate cake and insists you eat it. You would have to choke it down. And meanwhile you have to act really happy about the cake and compliment the chef. It's kind of like that if I'm not in the mood. And if you don't understand that, I don't think you have the same problem (no snark meant, but I suspect some people really just don't get it).

 

I love you, Wendy, truly I do. :grouphug::001_smile:

 

But the OP was asking if this was "normal", and I truly don't think it is. I think the natural thing is to be able to enjoy it, even with all the outside factors contributing to the mental state of most busy mothers.

[justLisa]

I love you, Wendy, truly I do. :grouphug::001_smile:

 

But the OP was asking if this was "normal", and I truly don't think it is. I think the natural thing is to be able to enjoy it, even with all the outside factors contributing to the mental state of most busy mothers.

 

There must be something wrong with me then. I actually don't even read these tea threads because I end up feeling like sh**.

 

I need quite a bit of planning to be in the mood. I cannot go from being fried from the entire day to jumping in to it. Weekends are better, but still. It's not lilke it's easy with kids around and we both need our sleep.

 

We have talked about it to a great extent and I have told DH I am totally fine if he gets an urge and needs a quick and quiet thing. We are not all romantic about it though :lol:

[Mandy in TN]

What if you are in your mid-thirties and you find that you just don't enjoy teA much anymore, even though you wish you did? What if your dh still really loves teA and it is causing him to feel bad because he'd really like to enjoy a cuppa teA with his wife on a regular basis?

 

Is it normal to just stop liking teA (not suddenly...more like slowly over time)?

I vote that it is not normal and to talk to your dr. If you are taking any meds at all, research to see if they might be the cause.

 

HTH-

Mandy

[Just Kate]

Yeah, but imagine you are not hungry at all. I mean you have absolutely no desire to eat and on top of that you feel like throwing up. And someone offers you a thick piece of heavy cloying chocolate cake and insists you eat it. You would have to choke it down. And meanwhile you have to act really happy about the cake and compliment the chef. It's kind of like that if I'm not in the mood. And if you don't understand that, I don't think you have the same problem (no snark meant, but I suspect some people really just don't get it).

 

OP here...and yes, this is exactly how I feel! I *know* that chocolate cake tastes good. I *know* I have enjoyed it in the past and that I may even enjoy it if I have some today! But I am SOOOO full that I really just don't want any. This exactly.

[Just Kate]

I searched but can't find the post from the past.

 

Someone here mentioned that sometimes it helps if you dab a tiny bit of...umm...(I'm just gonna say it...:blushing:) lubric@nt on your (ahem) sensitive external parts several hours in advance of possible teA brewing, and then go about your normal business. I think the sensation does sort of increase your "awareness" of that area, which in turn gets you thinking about...which is half the battle right there for a lot of women. Worth a try, and costs only a few dollars if you don't already have the right "supplies". :leaving:

 

Interesting...taking note here. ;)

[KidsHappen]

Yeah, but imagine you are not hungry at all. I mean you have absolutely no desire to eat and on top of that you feel like throwing up. And someone offers you a thick piece of heavy cloying chocolate cake and insists you eat it. You would have to choke it down. And meanwhile you have to act really happy about the cake and compliment the chef. It's kind of like that if I'm not in the mood. And if you don't understand that, I don't think you have the same problem (no snark meant, but I suspect some people really just don't get it).

 

I have used this exact metaphor before. This last year has been really rough on my libido. First of all, I am heading into menopause - periods all over the place (sometimes two weeks then three months), some months ovulatory - others not, a major depression, lots of meds adjustments, and then the heart attack and tumor and other surgeries in the family. Intellectually I know we need to be having more right now not less but I haven't quite figured out how to get there yet. I was thinking of asking my doc about it next time I go in.

[justLisa]

I generally avoid those threads too. I did want to respond to this one because I wanted the OP to know she isn't alone.

 

I am in my early thirties and this plagues me. I just don't see how it is totally out of the norm. It's not like it never happens for me, but it is rare. Although when I took zoloft for 6 months it made it physically impossible to enjoy. And it's not like he didn't try everything.

 

I wonder how often is abnormal. Once a week? Once a month? I don't mean never doing it, I mean only one of you...you know.

 

Ok wait I watched an episode of dr Oz :lol:

 

The topic was aging. There was this product like a lubricant stimulant. I don't need the first part but apparently you use it some time before and it gives you some sort of sensation.

[Just Kate]

I love you, Wendy, truly I do. :grouphug::001_smile:

 

But the OP was asking if this was "normal", and I truly don't think it is. I think the natural thing is to be able to enjoy it, even with all the outside factors contributing to the mental state of most busy mothers.

 

There must be something wrong with me then. I actually don't even read these tea threads because I end up feeling like sh**.

 

I need quite a bit of planning to be in the mood. I cannot go from being fried from the entire day to jumping in to it. Weekends are better, but still. It's not lilke it's easy with kids around and we both need our sleep.

 

We have talked about it to a great extent and I have told DH I am totally fine if he gets an urge and needs a quick and quiet thing. We are not all romantic about it though :lol:

 

Yes, I do think that I should enjoy it and I also agree with lisamarie and often feel terrible after reading these threads.

 

I have never talked to a doctor about this. Which doc?

 

I also have major issues with my body. I have gained weight and feel horrible about myself. I know this is a huge part of my problem.

[Mandy in TN]

LOL

 

Ok, but I ask again, WHAT can be done? I did talk to a doctor about it and was basically shrugged off.

 

If hormone levels and other medical reasons have been rules out, sometimes, if you get in the habit of not having teA, the teA becomes less and less interesting.

 

completely rhetorical-

Do you know your body- what arouses you? Do you masturbate? Are you able to verbalize to your dh what emotional environment you need before and what you need physically during teA to achieve orgasm?

 

This should also be about your enjoyment- your release from reality into a moment of pleasure. Maybe talk to a teA therapist?

HTH-

Mandy

 

[justLisa]

Maybe talk to a teA therapist?

HTH-

Mandy

 

 

 

What exactly does one DO?

[Kathryn]

I'm just going to follow WendyK on this thread and say I agree. I don't think it's abnormal at all. I think we're made to feel abnormal abut it because in a monogamous society, that means men will have to "suffer." But it makes perfect sense to me, biologically speaking, that when a woman becomes less fertile as the years go by, she'll have less interest in sex. There are many women who have no physical disability but have no desire to get it on every night. To be made out to be some kind of freak because you don't want to have sex is hurtful and frustrating.

[Kathryn]

The thought of talking to a tea therapist makes me kind of want to throw up. I can barely talk about this issue on a message board.

 

When we were having marital issues years ago, the therapist that our insurance approved happened to also be a tea therapist. I found it all rather creepy to have another man asking me if I wanted to have multiple Os and how he could make that happen.

[justLisa]

Barf...I do not want to talk about Os with a strange man.

 

I would actually die.

 

I could be way off because I only knew of one couple who saw a tea therapist. Well it was more of a hands on lesson. I only knew about it because they told me after I was invited to the party. That was the end of that.

[Coffeetime]

I also have major issues with my body. I have gained weight and feel horrible about myself. I know this is a huge part of my problem.

 

I think this is probably the key to it all.

I have gone through periods like this. I gave birth to 5 kids in 9 years- the constant fluctuation of weight and never feeling pretty or sexy made me have zero interest in teA. It was a major sticking point in our relationship. I just don't think you can have fun when you don't FEEL that way about yourself. I felt like I didn't DESERVE to feel that way because my body disgusted me.

I finally stopped having babies 2 years ago, I work out regularly, and I feel pretty great about my body at this point. And dh and I are having a great time together. ;)

My advice would be to concentrate on your self-image. Work out regularly, focus on getting to where you want to be physically and mentally, and the rest will probably follow. :grouphug:

[justamouse]

I'm just going to follow WendyK on this thread and say I agree. I don't think it's abnormal at all. I think we're made to feel abnormal abut it because in a monogamous society, that means men will have to "suffer." But it makes perfect sense to me, biologically speaking, that when a woman becomes less fertile as the years go by, she'll have less interest in sex. There are many women who have no physical disability but have no desire to get it on every night. To be made out to be some kind of freak because you don't want to have sex is hurtful and frustrating.

 

It's not abnormal, (it's not like it's deviant, which would be abnormal) no sex drive is not a well functioning body.

 

Look, lots of stuff is 'abnormal' in life. Obesity is abnormal. Making it normal doesn't make it better. Diabetes is not normal, my sons nystagmus is not normal. ADD is not normal. Normalizing it doesn't make anything go away, it actually hinders any healing that could take place.

 

A woman *should* want to have sex. She should have a sex drive, otherwise the population ...well, after billions of years we're HERE, right?

 

I come from a past of sexual abuse. I won't go into it here, but I know. And I've worked myself back to a normal sex life so it can be done. I've thought my way back, prayed my way back, and used a lot of reframing. You can think your way to healing, because the brain and your thoughts are incredibly powerful.

 

Even with all of that, I still get overwhelmed with life and kids, and have no time so in a pp, I shared about MY transitional tool. Transitional tools work. WE use them every day and don't even realize it, and there's nothing wrong with making them purposeful.

[Mandy in TN]

This is a sore spot with me. I get it intellectually, but the advice to just do it anyway is just repugnant to me. Perhaps it comes from having been raped and used by men, but the thought of having to to do it even when I don't want it just because someone else "needs" to put his pen!s in me to feel love would make me angry and even less likely to want to do it.

 

Whether or not it's normal, it's not uncommon. I have plenty of company. I know I do. That still doesn't solve the problem, but to act like it's some sort of freaky disease seems wrong too.

 

There has been plenty of effort to ensure men continue to have and enjoy s@x (as evidenced by the popular drugs out there), but it doesn't seem like the same effort has been put into it for women. Apparently women are just supposed to shut up and pretend to enjoy it to please men.

 

There are many other things that you can do other than just penetration. The whole can-I-just-stick-it-in mindset unhinges me as well.

Demand your right for pleasure. Sure, there are times when I know that I am not going to reach orgasm (do to time available or too much on my mind or whatever) and have teA anyway, but I do get personal satisfaction, dare I say smugness even, in my dh's satisfaction. However, he knows that if he my needs are not met then I will be flying solo and if it goes on too long then I become grouchy.

If this isn't about you, then make it about you. Demand that it become about you. Sometimes, he should make that effort to make the events leading up to the act about meeting your emotional needs and then the act also should be about meeting your needs. Frankly, he doesn't have to reach orgasm every time he is with you. Your dh may actually appreciate some lessons in how to brew teA that you like.

 

As far as the little blue pill, a woman's desire to have teA is so much more complicated than just arousal. Oh, if the day is busy and your mind is full, don't have teA at night. Sometimes, after I have been taking care of people all day, the thought of having another needy person touching on me is enough to make my skin crawl. Have teA in the morning. An empty mind sometimes makes itself more available to being in the moment.

 

I have no idea what a teA therapist would say, but I kind of feel like asking here is sort of like being in grade school and asking friends about how teA is brewed. I may be giving really bad advice, because I have only limited knowledge (mostly about myself) on this topic. I just know from personal experience and from discussions with other women that even though orgasms are wonderful it seems that the longer a woman goes without one the less wonderful they remember them being. Men seldom seem to have this particular issue.

 

HTH-

Mandy

[freeindeed]

:grouphug:

What if you are in your mid-thirties and you find that you just don't enjoy teA much anymore, even though you wish you did? What if your dh still really loves teA and it is causing him to feel bad because he'd really like to enjoy a cuppa teA with his wife on a regular basis?

 

Is it normal to just stop liking teA (not suddenly...more like slowly over time)?

 

It could be the stresses of life, or it could be that you're not feeling as confident about your body as you've gotten older--NOT saying you don't look great--I don't even know you IRL;), and also NOT calling you old...I'm 37! It might also be hormonal, so you should probably see the doctor just in case.

 

ETA: I just went back & read your comment about your weight.:grouphug:

I lost thirty pounds about two years ago by eating low carb, which I've kept off & I will continue to eat this way...otherwise I'll gain it all back. Before I lost the weight, I was not very much into teA b/c I felt so badly about myself. Losing the weight made a big difference in how I felt. Still, though, even when I was overweight, my hubby loved me & my body & wanted frequent teA. Your hubby, from what you've said, desires to be with you. If it's just your feelings about your weight that's holding you back, I hope you can put those into perspective and know that he wants to be with *you.*:)

Edited September 14, 2012 by freeindeed

[justamouse]

When we were having marital issues years ago, the therapist that our insurance approved happened to also be a tea therapist. I found it all rather creepy to have another man asking me if I wanted to have multiple Os and how he could make that happen.

 

How the THERAPIST could make that happen, or how you *husband* could make that happen?

 

Yeah, I think finding the right one is key and I'd probably sign up for appointments for myself, and with a woman.

[justamouse]

I have no idea what a teA therapist would say, but I kind of feel like asking here is sort of like being in grade school and asking friends about how teA is brewed. I may be giving really bad advice, because I have only limited knowledge (mostly about myself) on this topic. I just know from personal experience and from discussions with other women that even though orgasms are wonderful it seems that the longer a woman goes without one the less wonderful they remember them being. Men seldom seem to have this particular issue.

 

:iagree:

 

BUT, the problem there is that many women have never had one, or know how to have them.

 

They are quite heroin like, once you figure it all out.

[Mandy in TN]

But see, it's not that I'm unhappy about my husband's performance or that he is selfish or that he doesn't make it about me and what I want. Thing is I can't even get to the point of desiring/wanting any of it. So it's not like he isn't doing it right or the way I'd want. It's not like that at all. It's just that I'd rather sleep because I'm exhausted.

 

Really if my husband wants to turn me on, he could do the dishes or put the kids to bed. He doesn't so I only have so much energy. And that probably speaks volumes right there...

 

Bingo! Then, this is the teA lesson that he needs. Maybe, he could take you to a hotel or arrange for the kids to be away and let you sleep all afternoon. I had a friend whose dh finally listened to what she was saying and did exactly this. He took her to a hotel and let her sleep all afternoon. Actually, it is probably cheaper than therapy. :)

 

As a side note, have you talked to a doctor about being so tired?

Mandy

[Kathryn]

How the THERAPIST could make that happen, or how you *husband* could make that happen?

 

Yeah, I think finding the right one is key and I'd probably sign up for appointments for myself, and with a woman.

 

I assumed he meant he was going to coach me and give me tips or something, but that wasn't what we were there for and his advice to spend my child's nap times masturb@ting and to be as loud as possible when I had a sleeping infant, a house, a job, and grad school to keep me busy was so completely ridiculous that I didn't pursue it.

 

But see, it's not that I'm unhappy about my husband's performance or that he is selfish or that he doesn't make it about me and what I want. Thing is I can't even get to the point of desiring/wanting any of it. So it's not like he isn't doing it right or the way I'd want. It's not like that at all. It's just that I'd rather sleep because I'm exhausted.

 

Really if my husband wants to turn me on, he could do the dishes or put the kids to bed. He doesn't so I only have so much energy. And that probably speaks volumes right there...

 

:iagree: TMI here, but DH insists that I O before he even begins worrying about him (we don't O from the same kind of thing). The thing is, I just don't care about it. I get much more enjoyment from sleeping or reading than I do from Oing for a few seconds. It's just not something I crave.

[nukeswife]

I definitely think it's worth looking into with a Dr. I'm 38 and my husband is wondering what happened to me, because I'm much more into it now at this age then I was 5-10 years ago. DH and I talk about this because there was a time between oldest ds and dd where I could have lived without it ever. Turns out it was mostly to do with the birth control I was on. I've now been off of birth control completely for 7 years because dh had a vasectomy, and it seems that since then my libido has grown steadily.

 

I've also gotten to the point that I'm not that worried about the kids, maybe it's because my kids are getting to the age where they've had "the talk" with us.

 

I know one poster mentioned that she can only orgasm with masturbation and there's nothing wrong with that. I've only ever had 2 vaginal orgasms in my entire sex life and I'm fine with that, because my husband is willing to help in that area, so I'm not only depending on myself. I know I'll get a big old TMI, but does your husband help you out in that area. I know I wouldn't want to have sex with my husband if he was only worried about his orgasm and not mine.

 

Oh also am I the only one that thought it was funny that the other poster that was willing to use the words masturbate and orgasm in her post still referred to it as tEA and seeing a tEA therapist.

[justLisa]

Bingo! Then, this is the teA lesson that he needs. Maybe, he could take you to a hotel or arrange for the kids to be away and let you sleep all afternoon. I had a friend whose dh finally listened to what she was saying and did exactly this. He took her to a hotel and let her sleep all afternoon. Actually, it is probably cheaper than therapy. :)

 

As a side note, have you talked to a doctor about being so tired?

Mandy

 

 

I should probably just leave this alone while I am still feeling somewhat normal.

 

But for me I don't feel like I am abnormally tired. I get up at 6, school, errands, cooking, cleaning etc. Exercise with the kids, and on and on. By 9 or 10? Yeah right! I am fried.

 

We have for me and for you times. It works for us and we enjoy it. We are not romantic people. And my kids visit my parents once a week so that time is always reserved.

[Mandy in TN]

:iagree:

 

BUT, the problem there is that many women have never had one, or know how to have them.

 

They are quite heroin like, once you figure it all out.

But, Wendy said that she does, so I thought it made sense.

 

However, you are right or at least I hear that you are right. So, for women who haven't I guess a teA therapist would talk about how to do so? I suppose you could look that up online. :lol: But, I also suppose you would have to wade through a lot of p*rn sites before you arrived at a site with good info.

 

Alright, I just googled how to achieve orgasm and there is a wealth of info available online.

HTH-

Mandy

[justLisa]

 

 

:iagree: TMI here, but DH insists that I O before he even begins worrying about him (we don't O from the same kind of thing). The thing is, I just don't care about it. I get much more enjoyment from sleeping or reading than I do from Oing for a few seconds. It's just not something I crave.

 

This is EXACTLY it for me but I didn't know how to say it.

[Mandy in TN]

I should probably just leave this alone while I am still feeling somewhat normal.

 

But for me I don't feel like I am abnormally tired. I get up at 6, school, errands, cooking, cleaning etc. Exercise with the kids, and on and on. By 9 or 10? Yeah right! I am fried.

 

We have for me and for you times. It works for us and we enjoy it. We are not romantic people. And my kids visit my parents once a week so that time is always reserved.

:party:That is, of course, what it boils down to.

[justLisa]

Same here. I think if I told a doctor that the 100,000 things I do in a day make me tired and asked gee what's wrong with me, he/she would laugh hysterically.

 

I'm going to just walk away and feel absolutely normal now :lol:

[ereks mom]

Yeah, but imagine you are not hungry at all. I mean you have absolutely no desire to eat and on top of that you feel like throwing up. And someone offers you a thick piece of heavy cloying chocolate cake and insists you eat it. You would have to choke it down. And meanwhile you have to act really happy about the cake and compliment the chef. It's kind of like that if I'm not in the mood. And if you don't understand that, I don't think you have the same problem (no snark meant, but I suspect some people really just don't get it).

 

I get it. And add to that the fact that, even though I don't want to feel that way, I sometimes feel resentful about it. And I hate, hate, HATE admitting that!

[Denisemomof4]

I don't think it is "normal" for a woman in her mid thirties not to enjoy it. However, lots of contributing factors can make it seem more like a chore than a pleasure- kids, housework, stress, depression, etc. Or, there may be a physical problem causing it. I would discuss it with your doctor.

 

:iagree::iagree::iagree:100%

 

Do check with your gyn. If it is not stress or depression, it could be medical, as in hormonal.

[Moxie]

LOL

 

Ok, but I ask again, WHAT can be done? I did talk to a doctor about it and was basically shrugged off.

 

 

This is a huge issue of mine. A woman's boiling point is still looked at as icing in the cake, an extra goodie if you can get it but if not, well, sorry. You can still get pregnant so you're okay!!

 

If a woman desires tea and the kettle just. won't. boil., there is an issue. "Give it time" is a cr@ppy answer. A man can't boil so they invent a little blue pill and make sure insurance will pay for it. It is so mysogynistic.

[justLisa]

You don't want to hear my one and only encounter with a S therapist :lol:

 

It was horrifying.

[Moxie]

:iagree::iagree::iagree:100%

 

Do check with your gyn. If it is not stress or depression, it could be medical, as in hormonal.

 

Yes, and you'll be offered the magic-cure-all birth control pill :glare:.

[UnsinkableKristen]

Ok, PLEASE people tell me about this available "treatment". I was told there is nothing but hormones, but that hormones are very risky and my doctor would not go there especially given my family history. So where is the treatment!! Nobody is answering with specifics. It's just "talk to your doctor". I have talked to 2 doctors over the years. I was told I'm normal and there isn't much that can be done.

 

 

I am assuming that by "talk to your doctor" people mean "Make sure you don't have thyroid problems, obesity, or depression issues. If you do, clear those up and see if your libido comes back."

[UnsinkableKristen]

A man can't boil so they invent a little blue pill and make sure insurance will pay for it. It is so mysogynistic.

 

 

Well, men have a pretty straight forward system. Getting it up is 9/10 of the battle. Tell me ONE THING that ALL women need to have an orgasm. One problem that by taking a pill to correct that one thing, 9/10 of our work would be over.

 

We have a more complex system, with many women needing different things. The solutions will reflect that complexity.