Unicorn. Posted September 2, 2012 Share Posted September 2, 2012 Dd's best friend is having her and another girl over today for a sleepover (for friend's b-day). Her friend told her to make sure she brought money because they are going to do stuff like bowling and movies. Dh and I feel like they should be paying for any activities, since this is a birthday "party". Her dad makes somewhere in the 6 figures-at least 3 times dh's salary. Dh is a ps teacher-we can't afford to do stuff all the time. Not to mention, almost every time they do go and do stuff, it seems my dd is paying for all the little extras. (like food if they go bowling or to the movies-which is the expensive part) Dh and I don't want to send her w/ any money, and think they should just pay. WWYD? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clarkacademy Posted September 2, 2012 Share Posted September 2, 2012 I think this just falls under personal beliefs. If I have a party I assume I pay but other people don't feel that way. I don't even think it has to do with money it is just how people believe. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
clarkacademy Posted September 2, 2012 Share Posted September 2, 2012 Just to add, I would also tell my daughter this is her money not to be spent on everyone else. I would only send enough for my daughter. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kiana Posted September 2, 2012 Share Posted September 2, 2012 Well, honestly, since she was told up-front it was a self-funded birthday party, I would either send the money or not send the child. And yeah, it would irritate me too. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sassenach Posted September 2, 2012 Share Posted September 2, 2012 Talk to the mom. If she confirms that she expects you to send your dd with money, then send her with money. If you object, keep her home (though I think that would be kind of mean at this point). This whole thing should have been sorted out when the invitation was extended, not the day of. It sounds like you and the mom need to have the money discussion either way, because there's obviously a gap in expectations in general. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catz Posted September 2, 2012 Share Posted September 2, 2012 Well, honestly, since she was told up-front it was a self-funded birthday party, I would either send the money or not send the child. And yeah, it would irritate me too. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lang Syne Boardie Posted September 2, 2012 Share Posted September 2, 2012 It doesn't matter whether or not they should pay, because there's no polite way to inform them of that. What does matter is 1. whether or not you can afford to send $ with your dd to pay her own way, and 2. whether or not you want to. If my child had her own pocket money and wanted to use it this way, I would let her go. If I/she couldn't afford it, I would call the Mom and thank her for inviting DD to the party but say we had to decline this time. As far as the little outings they do together, DD should pay for her own movie snacks and tickets but not her friend's. People are so weird about money and etiquette! At least your DD can learn to expect to pay her own way in dutch-treat settings (both the concept of paying her own way and the concept of not paying for everybody else's treats unless she invited them under those terms), and to host parties within her own budget because she understands how guests feel when they can't afford to pay the host's party expenses. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dobela Posted September 2, 2012 Share Posted September 2, 2012 Talk to the mom. If she confirms that she expects you to send your dd with money, then send her with money. If you object, keep her home (though I think that would be kind of mean at this point). This whole thing should have been sorted out when the invitation was extended, not the day of. It sounds like you and the mom need to have the money discussion either way, because there's obviously a gap in expectations in general. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Mungo Posted September 2, 2012 Share Posted September 2, 2012 If I have kids to stay, then we usually pay. However, when my dd goes somewhere, I send her with money. Different families handle this stuff differently. I don't assume everyone is going to have the same philosophy on it that I do. I don't think they are wrong for believing the way that they do. I would NOT send my dd with no money, if she had been told to bring money (which, she has before, even when an event was for a birthday). I would make it clear to dd that she is not to buy food, etc for other people. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hilltop Posted September 2, 2012 Share Posted September 2, 2012 Well, honestly, since she was told up-front it was a self-funded birthday party, I would either send the money or not send the child. And yeah, it would irritate me too. :iagree: I think the host should pay for party activities, but if it is clear they are not going to, and you don't want to pay, I would keep your dd home. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bobbeym Posted September 2, 2012 Share Posted September 2, 2012 Talk to the mom. If she confirms that she expects you to send your dd with money, then send her with money. If you object, keep her home (though I think that would be kind of mean at this point). This whole thing should have been sorted out when the invitation was extended, not the day of. It sounds like you and the mom need to have the money discussion either way, because there's obviously a gap in expectations in general. :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Unicorn. Posted September 2, 2012 Author Share Posted September 2, 2012 Yeah, I know. It's at the dad's (parent's divorced) and I doubt he has a clue that she told them to bring money. Then again, maybe that was a stipulation to the events. If it were at mom's, I know she wouldn't expect the kids to pay for themselves. Of course, they would probably be renting movies instead of going out! I've tried telling dd before not to pay for her friend, but she is so kind hearted and just feels sorry for her. It stinks. I'll send her w/ enough to pay for her, and that's it. I was really hoping someone would tell me it's ok to be evil and not send her w/ any. :tongue_smilie: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Unicorn. Posted September 2, 2012 Author Share Posted September 2, 2012 If I have kids to stay, then we usually pay. However, when my dd goes somewhere, I send her with money. Different families handle this stuff differently. I don't assume everyone is going to have the same philosophy on it that I do. I don't think they are wrong for believing the way that they do. I would NOT send my dd with no money, if she had been told to bring money (which, she has before, even when an event was for a birthday). I would make it clear to dd that she is not to buy food, etc for other people. :iagree: I pay for kids here, and always send money. I'm just tired of sending her w/ money, and her spending it all on friend. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kiana Posted September 2, 2012 Share Posted September 2, 2012 :iagree: I pay for kids here, and always send money. I'm just tired of sending her w/ money, and her spending it all on friend. If it's *her* money, then that'd be a choice that she makes. Maybe your dd needs some sort of budget, with the understanding 'you'll have $20 (or whatever) for outings (or whatever) this month, but when it's gone, there's none left'. I mean, she'll run out and end up not being able to get food at the movies/bowling, and that'll suck. But in the long run, she needs to learn a) budgeting and b) some people are moochers, and the more you let them mooch the more they'll do it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laurie Posted September 2, 2012 Share Posted September 2, 2012 Dh and I don't want to send her w/ any money, and think they should just pay. WWYD? What would I do? I wouldn't send her at all. I don't think a single dad, cheapskate or not, should be having girls' sleepovers at his house. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TranquilMind Posted September 2, 2012 Share Posted September 2, 2012 Well, honestly, since she was told up-front it was a self-funded birthday party, I would either send the money or not send the child. And yeah, it would irritate me too. Yeah, I would send my child with enough money. Though, honestly, the parents should pay if they are hosting a party. You are not a "guest" if you are self-funding. You are just a participant. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jhschool Posted September 2, 2012 Share Posted September 2, 2012 What would I do? I wouldn't send her at all. I don't think a single dad, cheapskate or not, should be having girls' sleepovers at his house. :iagree: I wouldn't send my daughter there either. It doesn't sound like a well-managed party/sleepover/experience. All sorts of things could go wrong. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
myfunnybunch Posted September 2, 2012 Share Posted September 2, 2012 I wonder if the birthday girl meant to bring spending money in case they want to buy something from the snack bar, etc. I would check with the parents. You could just call and say that your dd mentioned that she thought she was supposed to bring money to pay for the activities and you need to know how much to send. Either the parent(s) will be surprised and say, "Oh no, we've got that covered, unless she wants to bring spending money for extras," or they will give you a $ total that indicates that they do expect you to pay for your dd to be part of the bday activities. Which would be totally weird and clueless, but some people are weird and clueless. Cat Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Unicorn. Posted September 2, 2012 Author Share Posted September 2, 2012 I don't think it's coming from the dad. I think it's coming from the girl. I think her dad gives her x amount to spend, and she wants more, so she gets her friends to pay. I gave her money, which she forgot and left at home. Oh well, no extras I guess. :D I had to pick up other kids and run other places after dropping her off. I'm not going back out. It's too hot! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jujsky Posted September 2, 2012 Share Posted September 2, 2012 If I was having my kids' friends over for something like that, I'd pay for everything. That's weird and a little rude to ask the guests to pay for those things. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Princess Peach Posted September 2, 2012 Share Posted September 2, 2012 What would I do? I wouldn't send her at all. I don't think a single dad, cheapskate or not, should be having girls' sleepovers at his house. What?! That's a pretty bizarre statement to make. My brother is a single dad and has 2 girls. They have sleepovers all the time. Why shouldn't they? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TXBeth Posted September 2, 2012 Share Posted September 2, 2012 What?! That's a pretty bizarre statement to make. My brother is a single dad and has 2 girls. They have sleepovers all the time. Why shouldn't they? Because it appears inappropriate and opens him up to a host of accusations. Not a good idea IMO. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starr Posted September 2, 2012 Share Posted September 2, 2012 I would call the parent and ask how much money she needs. You probably don't want this to be a $50.00 weekend. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Princess Peach Posted September 2, 2012 Share Posted September 2, 2012 Because it appears inappropriate and opens him up to a host of accusations. Not a good idea IMO. I'll agree to disagree. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catz Posted September 2, 2012 Share Posted September 2, 2012 What I think is weird about it is that it's a birthday party. If my kid was invited to the movies or the neighborhood pool, I absolutely send money. With our friends, he usually comes home with the money. And I usually pay if another child is with us unless I'm doing a favor watching another kid and the mom insists. I think this is up to your discretion. I'd probably send my own kid with a finite amount and an internal eye roll if this was a good friend. I know a couple adults who've had parties that require you to buy your own dinner or whatever. We usually decline, and not because we can't afford it. :glare: If this is a known friend, I'd have no problem with the single dad angle. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted September 2, 2012 Share Posted September 2, 2012 (edited) Talk to the mom. If she confirms that she expects you to send your dd with money, then send her with money. If you object, keep her home (though I think that would be kind of mean at this point). This whole thing should have been sorted out when the invitation was extended, not the day of. It sounds like you and the mom need to have the money discussion either way, because there's obviously a gap in expectations in general. :iagree: :iagree: :iagree: Definitely talk with the dad. Edited September 2, 2012 by Catwoman Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted September 2, 2012 Share Posted September 2, 2012 I don't think it's coming from the dad. I think it's coming from the girl. I think her dad gives her x amount to spend, and she wants more, so she gets her friends to pay. I gave her money, which she forgot and left at home. Oh well, no extras I guess. :D I had to pick up other kids and run other places after dropping her off. I'm not going back out. It's too hot! :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: Sorry, but that just cracked me up. I'll bet the other kid is seriously annoyed! But someone needs to talk to the dad and give him a heads-up on what's going on. And this would be the perfect time... When you pick up your dd, apologize profusely to the dad about how you know her dd told your dd to bring money with her, but by the time you realized your dd had forgotten it, it was too late to bring it to her. Of course, you had no idea that your dd would forget the money, because their dd ALWAYS tells your dd to bring money with her.... Look appropriately remorseful. :tongue_smilie: If you're right about the dad giving the kid plenty of cash to pay for things, he will be mortified that his kid is such a sneaky little manipulator, and that she has been making him look cheap. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catz Posted September 2, 2012 Share Posted September 2, 2012 LOL - if I really thought it was coming from the girl and not the dad, I would be seriously tempted to send her without money! What a little sneak. :lol: If I were feeling a little nicer, I might call the dad and talk to him about it ahead of time and tip him off to her game. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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