blondeviolin Posted August 24, 2012 Share Posted August 24, 2012 Sometimes I think I don't belong here, but other times I do... My six-year-old isn't crazy accelerated. She's not been tested, but she's definitely not profoundly gifted. She MAY be on the lower border of highly gifted, but she's also a dreamer and isn't too bookish at this point. BUT, when I try to talk school with IRL friends or family who have kids that are similar ages (literally four kids born in the same year my oldest was), I get the feeling that they are not doing the same things my kid is. (And a few possibly COULD BE, but are in PS and waiting on other kids to do their thing.) She is at least one year ahead in in her skill subjects. And when my son is around kids his age, it's painfully obvious he's different. All of his buddies at church were born 2-3 months within his birthday and they are all preK this year. They are all working on things that Emmett mastered YEARS ago. (Not that I'm trying to compare, but it's hard to not see the glaring difference.) I am even having a hard time calling this year "PreK" for Emmett because he is working a little behind what Abby did just a year ago (which is mostly beginning first grade work). And it makes me wonder what other differences I'll encounter with the younger 2. To make matters worse, I'm not one to boast and I'd rather not make others feel uncomfortable so I'm not really sure where to find people who might understand what this is like. (IE I posted on the k-8 board about Abby daydreaming, and several people suggested things such as ADD, Sensory, Auditory Processing, etc and while they are GOOD suggestions that I'm not turning away yet...in my gut I feel like she is just a young six and this is a lot of mature stuff for a six year old to process so she just checks out occasionally...) Anyone else feel lonely at times? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
serendipitous journey Posted August 24, 2012 Share Posted August 24, 2012 SO lonely ... and that's with all y'all! I sometimes think that if I were doing things right, it wouldn't be so hard. And be kind to yourself and your emotions: you have a house of precocious littles, and are expecting another one. What blessings! and I am sure you are earning every ounce of blessing with your "sweat equity" :) ... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
quark Posted August 24, 2012 Share Posted August 24, 2012 (edited) I saw that thread. I don't know what will work for your daughter but when my son does the daydreaming thing, we take time off other "planned" things. There's no point continuing when his mind is obviously somewhere else. It could lead to a child who pretends to listen just to please me and I don't want that. Usually his mind is in a really good place. A very interesting place. And I find that out when I take time to listen to him. And sometimes I also realize the discrepancy between age and level of ability and that he could just be overwhelmed and needs to go to another place in his head. Baby steps. Take each day for what it is. :grouphug: I am hopeful that it will get better for you. ETA: BTW, I actually like the loneliness now. It's more peaceful. It means that I have less people to share with but also, I am able to be more of myself with the few people who do get it. I value them more. Gradually widen your friendship horizons when you can. You *will* meet one or two families who get you and it can be such a wonderful, validating experience. Edited August 24, 2012 by quark Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ebunny Posted August 24, 2012 Share Posted August 24, 2012 Anyone else feel lonely at times? :grouphug: Yes! I'm just getting better at dealing with it, as DD grows up. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Grover Posted August 24, 2012 Share Posted August 24, 2012 yes to the lonely. And the moments of surprise / realisation that our normal is not *normal*. When you live it, you forget I think. There are very few places / people I feel safe talking about my DS, I mostly don't even know where to begin. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
quark Posted August 24, 2012 Share Posted August 24, 2012 Where is the like button for this ? :) Thanks Sadie. I'm learning that I can't change the whole world but I can be thankful and better appreciate the little things that I can change. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dmmetler Posted August 24, 2012 Share Posted August 24, 2012 Often :). That's why boards like this one are so valuable. You are not alone. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
poetic license Posted August 24, 2012 Share Posted August 24, 2012 Your daughter sounds a lot like my son... about a solid year advanced in most subjects, so not massively gifted but "different" enough that you can't even compare to the same aged kids. We also deal with some of the overexcitabilities/etc. Yes it is sometimes lonely ... especially when you ask for help here of all places about "spiritedness" (I didn't know about OEs at the time) and get mostly commentary about how it = brattiness (but that's another story ;) ) Sometimes all it takes is one person--if you can find that one person to commiserate with, it's all good. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SKL Posted August 24, 2012 Share Posted August 24, 2012 Yeah. I generally don't say anything any more IRL. I probably seem like a Rainman just sitting listening and nodding and contributing nothing. Last Monday my daughters had their first dance class at The Little Gym. The class is for ages 4-6 IIRC (mine are 5). Moms sit outside the room and watch through the glass and chat. They were talking positively about early KG entrance and how silly the rigid cutoff dates are. So I felt safe saying that my dd's birthday is January 6 (just 6 days after the extended cutoff) and it took me 6 months to get her placement where it needed to be. That's ALL I said. The other moms gaped at me and then changed the subject. :001_huh: Yesterday a lady sat next to me in "chapel" (at our kids' first school day) and started up a conversation. She was asking me about my kids. In particular, the one who is petite, because she looks very young for her grade (though she has an October birthday). I mentioned that kid has some issues but is doing great. Then we got on the topic of my other kid and I mentioned that she will need extra challenge because she's a very advanced reader. That comment seemed to be taken as an insult to the teacher. :001_huh: I can't win for losing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Uff Da! Posted August 24, 2012 Share Posted August 24, 2012 nm" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FairProspects Posted August 24, 2012 Share Posted August 24, 2012 Trying to say this politely - nearly everyone who responded to you on the other thread also has a gifted kid. Sometimes daydreaming is just being 6. Sometimes daydreaming is the "highly diffuse pattern of attention associated with giftedness" as our neuropsych stated. Sometimes daydreaming is something more. I don't know you IRL, and you as Mom get to decide when, or even if, it is bothersome enough to do something about it, or whether to take a break, or even do nothing at all. If my suggestions don't apply to your circumstances, then feel free to leave them. But please, do not come on another message board and imply that I do not "get" giftedness. Believe me, I DO get it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
wapiti Posted August 24, 2012 Share Posted August 24, 2012 I'm in a lonely place right now too. As it's the beginning of the school year, I've chosen to do a little advocacy. However, now I feel like a braggart and I'm petrified that, for whatever reason, the kids involved will not "perform" according to my description of their needs, and I'll be found out - I'm a parent-imposter, the pushy mom. It's a terribly icky feeling, and now I must crawl back into my hole... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
blondeviolin Posted August 24, 2012 Author Share Posted August 24, 2012 Trying to say this politely - nearly everyone who responded to you on the other thread also has a gifted kid. Sometimes daydreaming is just being 6. Sometimes daydreaming is the "highly diffuse pattern of attention associated with giftedness" as our neuropsych stated. Sometimes daydreaming is something more. I don't know you IRL, and you as Mom get to decide when, or even if, it is bothersome enough to do something about it, or whether to take a break, or even do nothing at all. If my suggestions don't apply to your circumstances, then feel free to leave them. But please, do not come on another message board and imply that I do not "get" giftedness. Believe me, I DO get it. I did not mean this in any way to upset you. I KNOW your child is gifted. I did not mean to imply that you didn't understand. Rather, when I think about asking for a referral to a neuropsych, I am sure that I will either come off as a pushy mom or one that has no clue what to expect from a 6yo BECAUSE y child is advanced. I'm sure you understand that. I actually took all of your recommendations to heart and have all three books on reserve at the library. I really appreciate your input and will be watching for certain signs. Like I said, in my gut, I feel these issues are age related. I'm very grateful for boards here to commiserate with and ladies like you who have BTDT to help guide us newer ones. ESPECIALLY because there are not a lot of people I know IRL who are in the same situations. THAT's what I mean by feeling lonely. And I'm glad I am not the only one! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
melbotoast Posted August 24, 2012 Share Posted August 24, 2012 (edited) Your daughter sounds a lot like my son... about a solid year advanced in most subjects, so not massively gifted but "different" enough that you can't even compare to the same aged kids. We also deal with some of the overexcitabilities/etc. :iagree: I have a hard time talking about my kids without feeling like I'm bragging. In school differences are often suppressed or frowned upon. I'm thankful I don't have to send my kids to school so they can be themselves and not feel weird. This is one of the reasons I wanted to homeschool. I know that it's not always fun to be "the smart kid". :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: P.S. Congrats on your new addition! Edited August 25, 2012 by melbotoast ce Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FairProspects Posted August 24, 2012 Share Posted August 24, 2012 I did not mean this in any way to upset you. I KNOW your child is gifted. I did not mean to imply that you didn't understand. Rather, when I think about asking for a referral to a neuropsych, I am sure that I will either come off as a pushy mom or one that has no clue what to expect from a 6yo BECAUSE y child is advanced. I'm sure you understand that.I actually took all of your recommendations to heart and have all three books on reserve at the library. I really appreciate your input and will be watching for certain signs. Like I said, in my gut, I feel these issues are age related. I'm very grateful for boards here to commiserate with and ladies like you who have BTDT to help guide us newer ones. ESPECIALLY because there are not a lot of people I know IRL who are in the same situations. THAT's what I mean by feeling lonely. And I'm glad I am not the only one! Thank you for this. If you do eventually decide to go the neuropsych route, definitely look for one with experience with gifted kids because of the bolded and you may be pleasantly surprised. I think the Davidson board has a good list of psychologists linked, and if there are any gifted magnet schools near you, they usually maintain lists as well. I do get the feeling of loneliness IRL. My poor older ds has such a hard time making friends and a big part of it is that no one his age has any idea what he is talking about or shares any of his interests. And some older kids don't want to play with a younger kid because of the social stigma. The best luck we have had is with another set of gifted kids, who unfortunately moved away. Because I at least have the support of these boards, I worry more about his loneliness than mine! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MinivanMom Posted August 24, 2012 Share Posted August 24, 2012 I've found that the older my oldest gets, the less obvious the differences are. It draws attention when a baby carries on conversations or when a toddler/preschooler reads fluently, but nobody is going to know that your 8-year-old crafts amazing stories or that your 10-year-old is working on Algebra unless you tell them. The differences are still there, but they are less glaring over time. ETA: BTW, I actually like the loneliness now. It's more peaceful. It means that I have less people to share with but also, I am able to be more of myself with the few people who do get it. I value them more. Gradually widen your friendship horizons when you can. You *will* meet one or two families who get you and it can be such a wonderful, validating experience. Beautiful. We share with fewer people, but it is definitely more meaningful. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cmarango Posted August 24, 2012 Share Posted August 24, 2012 I have found that I don't know what to talk about anymore with other parents. Conversation seems to naturally turn to children and even trying to avoid certain situations doesn't seem to help. For example, at my dd's martial arts class (for 4-6 year olds) they have the parents write down on a slip of paper something positive that the child has done recently. The slips of paper are read at the end of each class and my dd is the only child that can read well and thus the instructor has her read her own paper. And my dd is always asking me to write how she has finished some book or can now count by 25s because she is so very proud of her accomplishment. I am ashamed to say that most of the time I write about how she helped with the laundry or rode her bicycle for a mile type activities more than her academic accomplishments. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
quark Posted August 24, 2012 Share Posted August 24, 2012 The slips of paper are read at the end of each class and my dd is the only child that can read well and thus the instructor has her read her own paper. And my dd is always asking me to write how she has finished some book or can now count by 25s because she is so very proud of her accomplishment. I am ashamed to say that most of the time I write about how she helped with the laundry or rode her bicycle for a mile type activities more than her academic accomplishments. It's hard isn't it? :grouphug: to you and everyone in this thread. But look at it this way. The bolded = actions speaking louder than words. Why be ashamed about not writing it when she is obviously showing it? :001_smile: And in my book, helping with laundry and riding a bicycle for a mile are also very praise-worthy accomplishments for such young children (BTW, my son was only able to learn to do both at 9, with laundry skills still lagging). There will come a time when she's celebrated for her academic talents. But there will also be a time when her good sense, and good health will carry her through where others are struggling. These are skills for a lifetime. Let her see you celebrate them loudly and proudly! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jennynd Posted August 24, 2012 Share Posted August 24, 2012 How about having people bragging that their 4 yrs old are so advanced because they can recognize letters. :lol: I got some of those in my DD preK Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
La Condessa Posted August 24, 2012 Share Posted August 24, 2012 How about having people bragging that their 4 yrs old are so advanced because they can recognize letters. :lol: I got some of those in my DD preK A few months back we were together with the extended family when my sil started having her nearly-five-year-old niece identify letter names for the family with fridge magnets. My three-year-old corrected her when she made a mistake. I was just grateful that my letter-obsessed sixteen-month-old didn't notice the fridge letters and start sorting through them and singing their sounds until after my sil had walked away. Yes, it can be very lonely. I'm hoping that my other sil and I will be able to commiserate eventually, once she comes to terms with how unusual her daughter is. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
brownie Posted August 25, 2012 Share Posted August 25, 2012 Today a friend 2 years older than my oldest proudly told us he was taking pre-algebra this year. DS (struggling in the social dept) said I'm taking advanced algebra. Cringe. Should I not be embarrassed that he took the wind out of the kids sails? I explained later that we should try not to "one-up" our friends, but I'm sure ds just saw it as stating a fact. Brownie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nov05mama Posted August 25, 2012 Share Posted August 25, 2012 ETA: BTW, I actually like the loneliness now. It's more peaceful. It means that I have less people to share with but also, I am able to be more of myself with the few people who do get it. I value them more. Gradually widen your friendship horizons when you can. You *will* meet one or two families who get you and it can be such a wonderful, validating experience. :iagree: THIS exactly! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
pitterpatter Posted August 25, 2012 Share Posted August 25, 2012 Yes, DD is obviously not profoundly gifted, but she is definitely something. She has so many gifted qualities. She has very imagative thinking. Other kids act like they don't even know how to play like her. It's a very lonely and confusing place to be. I came across the term "cloud children" on here. The term might fit your DD too. Run a search on here. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LMD Posted August 25, 2012 Share Posted August 25, 2012 :iagree: I have a hard time to talking about my kids without feeling like I'm bragging. This is one of the reasons I wanted to homeschool. I know that it's not always fun to be "the smart kid". :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: P.S. Congrats on your new addition! :iagree: with all of this! :) My kids are similar ages to yours OP. I don't think they're gifted, though I've never had them tested, but generally work a good year ahead or so of 'average'. I try to avoid talking about exact grade levels, but I've been cornered (nicely) before! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luckymama Posted August 25, 2012 Share Posted August 25, 2012 I've found that the older my oldest gets, the less obvious the differences are. It draws attention when a baby carries on conversations or when a toddler/preschooler reads fluently, but nobody is going to know that your 8-year-old crafts amazing stories or that your 10-year-old is working on Algebra unless you tell them. The differences are still there, but they are less glaring over time. :iagree: I spent my son's elementary years smiling and nodding. I felt very isolated at times until he was a teenager. He attended a fabulous private high school, had classes with similar kids, and is now finding his place in computer science at college. He even has a lovely girlfriend, a biomechanical engineering major also on the Dean's List. Life is very good for this particular 19 year old :D I wish I could go back fifteen years and tell myself that it will all be just fine. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrothead Posted August 26, 2012 Share Posted August 26, 2012 ...in my gut I feel like she is just a young six and this is a lot of mature stuff for a six year old to process so she just checks out occasionally...) I so get this. I have a young 8th grader. Thinking about high school next year seems to me like I'm throwing her to the wolves. It is tough. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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