I can't decide

[Pamela H in Texas]

Okay, all along, I said I was going to send my five yr old to Kindy.

 

I keep making pros and cons lists (I've written this post 10 times, literally) with pros and cons within it. I really have a lot of information since I know the teacher and I know the kid. And I know me.

 

Basically, I simply can't make a decision. Kindergarten Readiness morning is next week and I don't know what I'm doing.

 

I have some nagging feelings regarding the other two, but NOTHING like what I have with him. I am confident with them, much like I was most of the time homeschooling my first two all the way through. I *hate* being undecided.

 

Thing is that homeschooling *is* what we do. ANd I believe in it. So even though I think there are REAL benefits to him going to Kindy (and probably only Kindy), I really struggle with the it too.

 

Please say something to make this a slam dunk decision one way or another for me?!?!

[Kathryn]

Can you share why you think he should go to K?

[Parrothead]

Are you struggling because you know PS would be the best fit for him but you want to homeschool him for homeschoolings sake?

 

Or do you know it would be best if you homeschool the lot of them but want to make PS work?

[myfunnybunch]

:grouphug:

 

I can't advise one way or the other which would be the best choice for your child and family.

 

But I can advise that it's kindergarten, and the choice will likely be a good one either way. (I am assuming you'd not even consider public school if it would be a bad choice.) Remember you're choosing between two good choices and that the kindergarten year won't make or break his long-term academics.

 

Cat

[Ellie]

But the down side is that it might be a really bad year for him, and then you'll spend all of "first grade" undoing kindergarten. Why take the chanc? Just keep him home. :D

[Dory]

I am lucky I suppose in that I know the kindergarten teacher here very well and it's only two days a week. I have let all my kids go there. It was a great experience for all of them. I still did some activities at home to keep them going on the days that they weren't at school. If it had been a 5 day a week thing I don't know if I would've sent them. That to me is too much for a 5-6 year old, unless they were half days.

[Soror]

Are you struggling because you know PS would be the best fit for him but you want to homeschool him for homeschoolings sake?

 

Or do you know it would be best if you homeschool the lot of them but want to make PS work?

 

:iagree: I don't think hs is always the best option for every child and family, I think a lot depends on your own personal pro/con list. My bf sent her son to a private K out of necessity. It ended up being a wonderful thing for her and helped her to be a better hs mother when she brought him home. His teacher was able to help identify some struggles he had and was a great resource on how to best help and teach him.

[Chris in VA]

I don't know your reasons, but if you can, I'd keep him home. I have experienced having some that homeschool and some that don't, and I personally feel it can split the family.

 

We did not homeschool our middle child. He didn't want to. But he did want to feel more connected and he felt like the odd man out many, many times. He just lacked the context for some of our dinnertime discussions, the daily rhythm, the togetherness we felt. It was a big, big mistake. I wish we had started earlier, and started with ALL of them, or sent them all to school. I have lots of regrets.

 

Would it be better for your family if your little person was not around for a few hours everyday? Sorry if that sounds harsh--but is he really disruptive? Is there any way to deal with that, if that's so, without sending him away?

[SKL]

If you are pretty much dedicated to homeschooling, then presumably you could pull him out if it turned out to be problematic. Personally I'd give it a try. It could be great for him, but you'll never know if you never try.

[Denisemomof4]

I don't know what to say to help you decide, but I want you to know it's not 100% an either/or situation. If you homeschool him and want to put him in kindy after awhile, do it. (or is indy optional now?) If you put him in kindy and then decide to bring him home, do it.

 

FWIW, I spoke to a wonderful woman who adopted 22 kids out of disruption. She is an amazing, amazing woman. We spoke literally for hours last week, and her opinion has changed. When we first spoke on the phone, she told me she NEEDED the break from these kids during the day. She didn't understand how I could keep my RAD home all day with me. Last week she told me I was very lucky not to have to deal with the teachers of kids with special issues because they (the teachers) were feeding into the problem and making the kid worse.

 

I don't remember if your kindy aged child has issues of any sort but thought I'd mention that.

[Denisemomof4]

I don't know your reasons, but if you can, I'd keep him home. I have experienced having some that homeschool and some that don't, and I personally feel it can split the family.

 

We did not homeschool our middle child. He didn't want to. But he did want to feel more connected and he felt like the odd man out many, many times. He just lacked the context for some of our dinnertime discussions, the daily rhythm, the togetherness we felt. It was a big, big mistake. I wish we had started earlier, and started with ALL of them, or sent them all to school. I have lots of regrets.

 

Would it be better for your family if your little person was not around for a few hours everyday? Sorry if that sounds harsh--but is he really disruptive? Is there any way to deal with that, if that's so, without sending him away?

 

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:I also have huge, huge regrets, Chris. I get it. :sad:

[TranquilMind]

Okay, all along, I said I was going to send my five yr old to Kindy.

 

I keep making pros and cons lists (I've written this post 10 times, literally) with pros and cons within it. I really have a lot of information since I know the teacher and I know the kid. And I know me.

 

Basically, I simply can't make a decision. Kindergarten Readiness morning is next week and I don't know what I'm doing.

 

I have some nagging feelings regarding the other two, but NOTHING like what I have with him. I am confident with them, much like I was most of the time homeschooling my first two all the way through. I *hate* being undecided.

 

Thing is that homeschooling *is* what we do. ANd I believe in it. So even though I think there are REAL benefits to him going to Kindy (and probably only Kindy), I really struggle with the it too.

 

Please say something to make this a slam dunk decision one way or another for me?!?!

 

My litmus test is always two-fold:

 

1) When in doubt, don't (from Mom!)

 

2) My husband and I must be in complete agreement (which we usually are, but when not, this is a deciding factor).

 

BTW, neither I nor my kids ever went to kindergarten. My 15 year old has multiple college classes this year, so it obviously didn't hurt! So, unless there is something fantastic that cannot be replicated any other way (or extenuating circumstances), I'm not an person who favors kindergarten, just for the record.

[Pamela H in Texas]

Okay, here is my list....for anyone interested...As you will see, it is a MESS!

 

1) academics - he is advanced so at home, he can go his pace. He is very excited about our curriculum choices (esp history and science). BUT Mrs. M is really good at individualization. SHe handled sister being several grade levels "ahead" last year.

 

2) attitude towards learning - he's an Eeyore. At the hint of challenge, he shuts down. This would be less of an issue at school and has proved to be a huge issue here. Basically, I don't have a kid right at his level or right above to teach and him learn because of where there would be such kids in a classroom.

 

3) He most certainly is disruptive. His attitude, controlling, aggression, lying, peeing is....well, way over the top. I'll be embarrassed about it if he is at school. I'll be annoyed by it at home. I'd welcome the break. But he probably needs ME in order to be able to let that stuff go.

 

4) mental health - he is definitely the most unattached of the kids. He also has significant anxiety and ptsd. Again, home would allow us to address those things in his timing but school would give ME a break from the "symptoms."

 

5) religion - I never realized how much birthdays and holidays and patriotism stuff are an every month, almost every week thing. Last year, the kids were constantly having to say, "we don't do...." From home, there are 3-4 main holidays and those can be minimized a GREAT deal.

 

6) siblings - the dynamic when he is involved is awful. Seriously awful. Additionally, I think all of the kids would benefit from socialization without one another. Of course, I feel confident I can make sure that happens. But obviously school could be a way to do that. And then there is the question about whether that is GOOD socialization. :wink:

 

7) all day school is too long for a 5yo imo. And he'll be 5 all year (bday is end of April)

 

8) There is no transportation as we live in the subdivision. We'd have to take him in the morning and pick him up in the afternoon. THis *is* a pain. You always have to be around for the start/end of school.

 

9) Breakfast and Lunch paid for is nice.

 

10) I don't want him to feel thrown away, being the only one going to school.

 

11) therapies and extracurriculars can be done during the day.

 

12) home is just developmentally more appropriate in general as well as more physically active. This is huge when kids need energy run out, need to be kids, need extra family time, etc.

 

I talked to him earlier about it. We both decided that either choice would be a good thing. We really liked that homeschooling allowed us a lot more freedom and a lot of time for regression therapy (that isn't what he calls it but we do regression therapy giving him a chance to have the treatment that he didn't get as an infant and toddler).

 

His sister piped in before I had a chance to hush her and she said she wants him to go to school.

 

She did point out that Mrs. M was *very* respectful of the religion thing and we talked about ways she was so AND that now that they're adopted, teachers HAVE to respect us (of course, the horrid one should have respected HIM anyway).

 

Anyway, so either seems to be a good thing, but I'm definitely leaning towards home. BTW, I like Ellie's answer. And I like Tranquil Mind's too. That really seems to be the way we are leaning.

 

Oh, as for hubby. He supports my homeschooling but does think that keeping DS5 home will prove to be challenging for me.

 

So, if we're leaning towards homeschooling, any ideas on how I'm going to stay sane?

[Unicorn.]

Okay, here is my list....for anyone interested...As you will see, it is a MESS!

 

1) academics - he is advanced so at home, he can go his pace. He is very excited about our curriculum choices (esp history and science). BUT Mrs. M is really good at individualization. SHe handled sister being several grade levels "ahead" last year.

 

2) attitude towards learning - he's an Eeyore. At the hint of challenge, he shuts down. This would be less of an issue at school and has proved to be a huge issue here. Basically, I don't have a kid right at his level or right above to teach and him learn because of where there would be such kids in a classroom.

 

3) He most certainly is disruptive. His attitude, controlling, aggression, lying, peeing is....well, way over the top. I'll be embarrassed about it if he is at school. I'll be annoyed by it at home. I'd welcome the break. But he probably needs ME in order to be able to let that stuff go.

 

4) mental health - he is definitely the most unattached of the kids. He also has significant anxiety and ptsd. Again, home would allow us to address those things in his timing but school would give ME a break from the "symptoms."

 

5) religion - I never realized how much birthdays and holidays and patriotism stuff are an every month, almost every week thing. Last year, the kids were constantly having to say, "we don't do...." From home, there are 3-4 main holidays and those can be minimized a GREAT deal.

 

6) siblings - the dynamic when he is involved is awful. Seriously awful. Additionally, I think all of the kids would benefit from socialization without one another. Of course, I feel confident I can make sure that happens. But obviously school could be a way to do that. And then there is the question about whether that is GOOD socialization. :wink:

 

7) all day school is too long for a 5yo imo. And he'll be 5 all year (bday is end of April)

 

8) There is no transportation as we live in the subdivision. We'd have to take him in the morning and pick him up in the afternoon. THis *is* a pain. You always have to be around for the start/end of school.

 

9) Breakfast and Lunch paid for is nice.

 

10) I don't want him to feel thrown away, being the only one going to school.

 

11) therapies and extracurriculars can be done during the day.

 

12) home is just developmentally more appropriate in general as well as more physically active. This is huge when kids need energy run out, need to be kids, need extra family time, etc.

 

I talked to him earlier about it. We both decided that either choice would be a good thing. We really liked that homeschooling allowed us a lot more freedom and a lot of time for regression therapy (that isn't what he calls it but we do regression therapy giving him a chance to have the treatment that he didn't get as an infant and toddler).

 

His sister piped in before I had a chance to hush her and she said she wants him to go to school.

 

She did point out that Mrs. M was *very* respectful of the religion thing and we talked about ways she was so AND that now that they're adopted, teachers HAVE to respect us (of course, the horrid one should have respected HIM anyway).

 

Anyway, so either seems to be a good thing, but I'm definitely leaning towards home. BTW, I like Ellie's answer. And I like Tranquil Mind's too. That really seems to be the way we are leaning.

 

Oh, as for hubby. He supports my homeschooling but does think that keeping DS5 home will prove to be challenging for me.

 

So, if we're leaning towards homeschooling, any ideas on how I'm going to stay sane?

 

Everything on this list shouts "keep him home" to me. Stay sane by getting some time alone each week. Park days/play dates w/ other grown ups can help. Tell yourself it will get better. :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: You can do this!

[Terabith]

You were really pleased with how good the kindergarten was for your daughter last year.

 

You know that the siblings really NEED time apart from one another. So sending him would help break up that dynamic.

 

It's easier to pull him out than to put him in midyear.

 

He'll have some fun opportunities with other kids/ field trips/ traditional kindergarten activities that are hard to replicate at home.

 

It would allow you to spend a little more one on one time with the others (and presumably with him later, like at bedtime).

[sewingmama]

I think it is normal.

 

I sent my oldest two to kindy even though I knew I was going to homeschool. It was what my kids needed and wanted at the time. I was still undecided up until the first day :lol:

 

I took DD in and told the teacher -"well I don't know if I will enrol her yet I'll stay here and watch what happens" :D

 

Luckily the teachers didn't mind one bit that I stayed in class for over 2 hours (with both my boys as well) and watched her to see how she liked it. I left (leaving her there) at the third hour because she was having a fabulous time.

 

Kindy here is 5 days a week but I only sent her for 3 - I didn't think she needed more then that -it was just for social and fun.

 

And then my DS wanted to go so we sent him as well. He has liked it but he is ready to come home now (he graduates this term).

 

It's normal to have those misgiving feelings. If you really do want to send him then do it -you can always pull him out if it doesn't work.

[coffeefreak]

Okay, here is my list....for anyone interested...As you will see, it is a MESS!

 

1) academics - he is advanced so at home, he can go his pace. He is very excited about our curriculum choices (esp history and science). BUT Mrs. M is really good at individualization. SHe handled sister being several grade levels "ahead" last year. - You would be too so I see this reason as a non-issue either way. Not a pro or a con so it should be disregarded.

 

2) attitude towards learning - he's an Eeyore. At the hint of challenge, he shuts down. This would be less of an issue at school and has proved to be a huge issue here. Basically, I don't have a kid right at his level or right above to teach and him learn because of where there would be such kids in a classroom. At school I think it's MORE of a challenge because the teacher cannot keep at him to keep going. Sometimes, other students don't help the problem. I have a daughter that was like him and even though I didn't like it, I KNEW if I sent her to kindy, she would do the same thing she did in pre-K daycare, she would ignore the teacher and the other kids and go her own way. No amount of punishment or consequences changed her attitude. Only coming home did. Mark 1 FOR homeschooling.

 

3) He most certainly is disruptive. His attitude, controlling, aggression, lying, peeing is....well, way over the top. I'll be embarrassed about it if he is at school. I'll be annoyed by it at home. I'd welcome the break. But he probably needs ME in order to be able to let that stuff go.

:iagree:

Another point FOR homeschooling.

 

4) mental health - he is definitely the most unattached of the kids. He also has significant anxiety and ptsd. Again, home would allow us to address those things in his timing but school would give ME a break from the "symptoms."

Another pro FOR homeschooling.;)

 

5) religion - I never realized how much birthdays and holidays and patriotism stuff are an every month, almost every week thing. Last year, the kids were constantly having to say, "we don't do...." From home, there are 3-4 main holidays and those can be minimized a GREAT deal.

 

I don't understand. Do you want to celebrate more holidays? Than DO!:lol: Another non-issue neither for or against homeschoolling.

 

6) siblings - the dynamic when he is involved is awful. Seriously awful. Additionally, I think all of the kids would benefit from socialization without one another. Of course, I feel confident I can make sure that happens. But obviously school could be a way to do that. And then there is the question about whether that is GOOD socialization. :wink:

This is a tough one. I know families that have had to send one or more children to school because of bad family dynamics. Each case was so different that I'm going to give this point to public school. Only you can know what all is involved here and sometimes it is best to separate all your kids. :grouphug:

 

7) all day school is too long for a 5yo imo. And he'll be 5 all year (bday is end of April)FOR homeschooling.

 

8) There is no transportation as we live in the subdivision. We'd have to take him in the morning and pick him up in the afternoon. THis *is* a pain. You always have to be around for the start/end of school.

UGH! That alone would motivate me to homeschool. FOR homeschooling.

 

9) Breakfast and Lunch paid for is nice.

AGAINST homeschooling (for public school)

 

10) I don't want him to feel thrown away, being the only one going to school.

FOR HOMESCHOOLING

11) therapies and extracurriculars can be done during the day.

FOR homeschooling.:D

 

12) home is just developmentally more appropriate in general as well as more physically active. This is huge when kids need energy run out, need to be kids, need extra family time, etc.

 

And FOR homeschooling.

 

I talked to him earlier about it. We both decided that either choice would be a good thing. We really liked that homeschooling allowed us a lot more freedom and a lot of time for regression therapy (that isn't what he calls it but we do regression therapy giving him a chance to have the treatment that he didn't get as an infant and toddler).

 

His sister piped in before I had a chance to hush her and she said she wants him to go to school.

 

She did point out that Mrs. M was *very* respectful of the religion thing and we talked about ways she was so AND that now that they're adopted, teachers HAVE to respect us (of course, the horrid one should have respected HIM anyway).

 

Anyway, so either seems to be a good thing, but I'm definitely leaning towards home. BTW, I like Ellie's answer. And I like Tranquil Mind's too. That really seems to be the way we are leaning.

 

Oh, as for hubby. He supports my homeschooling but does think that keeping DS5 home will prove to be challenging for me.

 

So, if we're leaning towards homeschooling, any ideas on how I'm going to stay sane?

 

I didn't read everyone's answers because I wanted to answer you first. It seems to me you have more FOR than against (did you see how I did that?:D)

 

Honestly, I understand the doubt, we all have it. I even have it with my "easy" child. I worry that I'm holding her back! You'll do just fine, and you'll find ways to accommodate everyone. I would really encourage you to homeschool BECAUSE of the behavior problems you're having (I hope that doesn't offend you but I don't know what else to call them). Many times I thought my oldest would be better behaved and learn better at public school, but then we would go to co-op, or an extracurricular activity and she would prove me wrong. She treated me the same way she treated every other teacher. As long as we were entertaining her, she was happy, the minute we stopped, she got up and walked off. I don't have any advice other than to say others of us have been there, we're still surviving, and YOU CAN DO IT!!!!!

 

:grouphug:

Dorinda

[StephanieZ]

Is there a part day or couple/few-day-a week option? Something that would give you a break w/o so fully removing him from your daily rhythms? A private part-day preschool or kindy? Maybe even a longer active sport/activity a few days a week. Like martial arts? That might give him some of the positives and give you a bit of a break . . .

 

Or, can you hire a teen helper a couple days a week to just come and actively play with him and/or your similiarly ages dc? Take them to the playground or watch them ride bikes . . . Something to give you some mental space and get them active? (A tired boy is a good boy IME, lol)

[Chris in VA]

Pam, I was just rereading--

 

If I may, I'd suggest two things--IF you homeschool...

 

Because of what your dd said, it sounds like she needs a break from your ds. Could you maybe build that into your day somehow? Maybe multiple things? I'm thinking...

 

Maybe hiring someone (or two) to do something fun (maybe foreign lang, or music lessons, or even a weekly nature walk) with the kids in smaller groups or individually?

 

Build in a quiet time when everyone takes a break (is this your practice?).

 

Start early with one on one with her, or scoop out part of the day (little bit) when she can have uninterrupted time (either alone or with you, whatever she needs--SANS brother).

 

Do a mother-daughter journal with her--tell her you are going to write her regular notes in a special book, to be left on her pillow. When she has it, it's her turn to write back to you. Lock it if you want. You can do this with ALL the kids if you want.

 

And secondly...

 

Carve out some time for yourself. TAKE a break during the day, even if it's for 20 minutes. You could do this during quiet time, if you can implement it (I know a lot of families just can't). Pick an evening when you can hand off the kids to your dh and GO somewhere, maybe swimming at the Y for a couple hours, or walking the mall or outside, or meeting a girlfriend (sometimes I meet my dfs at Wegman's! Funny, huh?). Make it a regular thing you can look forward to--a real break. Hire a babysitter for a couple of hours if your hubby can't handle that.

 

Whatever you decide, I have good hope for you!!

[duckens]

For time away from home, is there a "fewer days co-op option"? Dd5 will attend the public school co-op this fall. Kindy meets 1 afternoon a week. She is also advanced, but I'm sending her for social time.

 

You could also find a good extracurricular for him (to tire him out). We are hoping to sign dd5 up for a Swim-and-Gym through the local college. It is considered and "afterschool program" and meets 2X/week for 90 minutes. Is something like that an option?

[Pamela H in Texas]

Re: Holidays - I don't understand.

Dorinda, we're Jehovah's Witnesses so don't do almost any holiday, secular or religious or patriotic, the rest of the country does. Now, from home, that seems like 3-4 holidays per year. We just don't even notice the rest. But when the kids were in school last year (all three littles were as they were foster kids), there seemed to be 30 holidays (probably not that many; but birthdays plus every tiny holiday you can think of got a day, a week, a month of time).

 

Many times I thought my oldest would be better behaved and learn better at public school, but then we would go to co-op, or an extracurricular activity and she would prove me wrong.

 

Oh no. I don't think he'd behave better. He proved otherwise last year. Between his anxiety and his "showing me" and his lies, he was plenty awful there and he would likely be for Mrs. M also. I *do* think he'd LEARN better there just because he can easily pick up what someone else is learning more directly. I considered teaching the dog so he could pick it up as I did that. Seriously! I did that with another foster kid who told me he couldn't learn anything from anyone but his dad. But as our Lhasa learned to read, so did he :) I'm just not sure how well I could do all the 3Rs that way. I considered getting something like Abeka's video school for just that reason.

 

It looks like I might see what other options there may be in the community (well, or more likely a town or two over).

 

Part of the issue seems to be those statements of faith. But maybe I can find a few others who feel the same. On our town's fb sales page, someone asked about MDOs and I asked if there were any secular alternatives or anyone else who'd be interested. So far, one "like." Maybe we can get enough moms for something....Also, the local SOF group didn't have a problem with me a couple years ago. I just don't want to intrude when they ask people to agree. Maybe I could be the "red-headed step child" (excuse the phrase) they put up with :) Maybe they'd even LIKE it being more inclusive?

 

Anyway, I think I'm just nervous starting over and he *is* going to be a challenge. But moms step up to challenges.

[Denisemomof4]

I would not even consider school for him right now. My dd regressed when I put her in preschool. If he has PTSD and anxiety, I do believe it will get worse in school. And he will be a dysregulated mess when you get him home. As much as your dd's need a break from him, school may make your girls suffer MORE.

 

If he is the most unattached, be prepared for him to attach to his teacher, triangulate you all, etc. It really is in the best interest of a child with AI to stay at home.

I

[Denisemomof4]

I had dd12 play" school with my RAD because she was like your son. I finally went to online schooling for her and it was definitely the best thing I ever did for our relationship.

[coffeefreak]

Dorinda, we're Jehovah's Witnesses so don't do almost any holiday, secular or religious or patriotic, the rest of the country does. Now, from home, that seems like 3-4 holidays per year. We just don't even notice the rest. But when the kids were in school last year (all three littles were as they were foster kids), there seemed to be 30 holidays (probably not that many; but birthdays plus every tiny holiday you can think of got a day, a week, a month of time).

 

 

 

Oh no. I don't think he'd behave better. He proved otherwise last year. Between his anxiety and his "showing me" and his lies, he was plenty awful there and he would likely be for Mrs. M also. I *do* think he'd LEARN better there just because he can easily pick up what someone else is learning more directly. I considered teaching the dog so he could pick it up as I did that. Seriously! I did that with another foster kid who told me he couldn't learn anything from anyone but his dad. But as our Lhasa learned to read, so did he :) I'm just not sure how well I could do all the 3Rs that way. I considered getting something like Abeka's video school for just that reason.

 

It looks like I might see what other options there may be in the community (well, or more likely a town or two over).

 

Part of the issue seems to be those statements of faith. But maybe I can find a few others who feel the same. On our town's fb sales page, someone asked about MDOs and I asked if there were any secular alternatives or anyone else who'd be interested. So far, one "like." Maybe we can get enough moms for something....Also, the local SOF group didn't have a problem with me a couple years ago. I just don't want to intrude when they ask people to agree. Maybe I could be the "red-headed step child" (excuse the phrase) they put up with :) Maybe they'd even LIKE it being more inclusive?

 

Anyway, I think I'm just nervous starting over and he *is* going to be a challenge. But moms step up to challenges.

 

OK, that all makes sense to me now. This IS a hard one. I love your idea about teaching the dog! I think that's an awesome idea! Someone else that's on these boards said she teaches history through her cat because of all the lives the cat has had. It made me wish I had a cat!:lol:

 

I really like Chris in VA's ideas. Definitely spend some one on one time with your dd, any way you can. And ABSOLUTELY take some time for yourself this year. When we let ourselves get run down and burnt out, it all falls apart.

:grouphug:

Dorinda

[LMD]

I have nothing constructive to add, but Chris, this is so beautiful and I'm going to start it with my DD tonight.

 

Do a mother-daughter journal with her--tell her you are going to write her regular notes in a special book, to be left on her pillow. When she has it, it's her turn to write back to you.

 

 

Pam - I hope you come to a decision you can be at peace with. :grouphug: