WWYD?

[Slipper]

Updating in post #29. I have decided to go ahead and not join this particular homechool group. I could understand their advocating a health curriculum that taught abstinence, etc but their focus on this particular topic makes me think it's a BIG deal to this group. I'll keep searching...

 

I do not want to be controversial. I am not asking if homosexuality is right or wrong. I am asking what you would do in this situation.

 

We want to change cover schools to one that has move activities for our kids. I found a great one. I have a relative who homeschools who joined and a good friend who also is a member. I agree with every single bit of it except that they take a stance that kids should only have a Christian based health curriculum. When I asked for clarification, they stated that children should not have a curriculum that teaches about homosexuality.

 

We not only have a relative who is gay, my in-laws' next door neighbor is a gay couple. When they are visiting her, MIL takes them over quite a bit (since they are good friends) to see their fish tank, play with their dog, etc while she visits.

 

I don't have a problem using a Christian health curriculum, but I'm not going to teach my kids that homosexuality is wrong.

 

Should I bother trying to explain my position to the homeschool group I want to join or just look elsewhere? In the grand scheme of things, does it really matter if they know or would I be a hypocrite for not being up-front?

 

Editing to clarify - we have to use a "cover" school/church to homeschool. I will be teaching ALL academics at home. The cover church is for social purposes and clubs. They have to approve the curriculum and are very flexible except they state that the Health curriculum must be Christian based and NOT discuss h0mos$xuality.

Edited June 15, 2012 by Slipper

[ravinlunachick]

If they just ignore homosexuality altogether, and don't mention it at all, I guess I'd be okay with that, because those discussions could happen at home. However, if they outright teach that homosexuality IS wrong, I'd not join, regardless of the activities offered.

[clarkacademy]

I would not want the kids involved in something that teaches something I have no issue with wrong. I also wouldn't want to feel like I was lieing or something. What if my kids said something and it turned badly ya know? You don't want them to be taught that it is wrong right? Other parents may not want it taught at all or that it is OK.

[catz]

If they just ignore homosexuality altogether, and don't mention it at all, I guess I'd be okay with that, because those discussions could happen at home. However, if they outright teach that homosexuality IS wrong, I'd not join, regardless of the activities offered.

 

:iagree:

[Dory]

Views like this vary with belief systems. I might think of it as an opportunity to teach my kids why we believe differently than someone else. It's a chance for them to learn that you can believe something different than someone else and that's alright. Just so the kids don't feel cornered at some point though you might want to try and bring it up in discussion with the other adults, so that they are aware that you do think a little differently than they do.

[JumpyTheFrog]

Would you have to sign a statement that said you agree with their beliefs? Or just that you won't use a curriculum that mentions it?

[Miss Peregrine]

If they won't be teaching about it, I don't see the problem. :confused:

[DawnM]

If they say they aren't teaching it, then I am not sure why you are worried about it.

[bettyandbob]

I guess I wonder how involved you would be with the group. Your choosing to change so that your kids could have more activities, so that probably means you would be more involved. Does the group have any events you could attend to "try out" or observe.

 

I suspect there's more than homosexuality at issue. I never looked for curriculum that taught homosexuality as being right or wrong because I didn't see it as relevant to academics anyway. My dd had a friend who was part of one of the larger co ops around here. I did a chemistry class with the two girls and took them on some field trips. The mom helped me by letting my dd come to her home once a week while I worked. We are Christian. We go to church. My dd was just confirmed. However, our family definitely thinks differently than a lot of families associated with this particular co op. It's very hard to label in black and white, but if we had joined the co op we probably would not have lasted long--I've been to a few events that were open for friends (plays).

 

Keep in mind we are going into a national election. If you are going to events with homeschoolers in the cover school, politics are likely to come up. Even if you agree you may find the reasoning of the group very different. Politics brings out the worst in people and it could make for an uncomfortable year.

[thescrappyhomeschooler]

If they just ignore homosexuality altogether, and don't mention it at all, I guess I'd be okay with that, because those discussions could happen at home. However, if they outright teach that homosexuality IS wrong, I'd not join, regardless of the activities offered.

 

:iagree:

[Slipper]

To clarify - I'm not sure that we'll be doing many, if any, co-op classes other than recreationals (art comes to mind). I anticipate that we will participate in many of their extra-curricular (soccer, book clubs, american girl, etc).

 

They are fairly relaxed on curriculum but insist that Health be Christian based. The clarification was that it not discuss homosexuality. The curriculum must be approved which is how the subject came up. I can use an approved health curriculum without problem. But our belief on the subject is already set because we have had to already address it.

 

But, if that is something they are focused on, I don't know how we will fit in. I can't imagine that homeschool kids discuss being gay, but should the subject come up in an activity, my middle daughter will absolutely tell them that being gay is not a big deal, it's just how some people choose to live their life. (She's my outspoken child). She would not correct an adult but she would a child.

 

I'm not sure if the homeschool group would rather the topic not be discussed or if they are firmly against it.

 

Our current homeschool group is only a cover church, so my kids do not do things with other homeschool kids. I'm not really sure what to expect from a cover church with lots of activities.

[Rebel Yell]

We want to change cover schools to one that has move activities for our kids. I found a great one. I have a relative who homeschools who joined and a good friend who also is a member. I agree with every single bit of it except that they take a stance that kids should only have a Christian based health curriculum. When I asked for clarification, they stated that children should not have a curriculum that teaches about homosexuality.

 

What are your reasons for using a cover school? Are there no others that will meet your needs?

 

Are you *forbidden from* supplementing with a curriculum/discussions/etc that reflect your views? Or just *required to* use an approved curriculum to meet their requirements and what you do on your own time is your own business?

I don't have a problem using a Christian health curriculum, but I'm not going to teach my kids that homosexuality is wrong.

 

If you can supplement with materials reflecting your views, and your kids understand that "our official school books say this, but we believe that" then I don;t see a problem with it. Tell them to answer test questions with "According to the text, ________." Some of my public-schooled friends who don't agree with/believe what is taught in certain areas will do this. They give the expected answer to get a good grade/score without saying they agree with it.

 

Should I bother trying to explain my position to the homeschool group I want to join or just look elsewhere? In the grand scheme of things, does it really matter if they know or would I be a hypocrite for not being up-front?

 

Do you have to sign an agreement? I'd be OK with one saying "I will teach from this viewpoint" or "Courses will be taught from this viewpoint and I agree to abide by it." I would not sign one saying I agreed with it in every way if I didn't.

 

We participate in a co-op that has some rules that I strongly disagree with, but I only have to agree to follow them at co-op, not in my everyday life. I don't feel like a hypocrite- I just follow the rules to receive the benefits of participating.

 

If it is kinda murky about whether you gave to agree with the teaching or just use the approved texts, then I'd discuss it with someone. Maybe also find out if the overall "tone" of any group activities will be militantly anti-h*m*s&xu@l, or just something that most people there agree on but don't really discuss. If you can attend without being forced to agree, and you can refrain from trying to bring everyone over to your way of thinking, then it might be a great experience for all of you.

 

:D

[Ellie]

Look elsewhere.

 

What you think isn't relevant as far as the cover school is concerned. Just move on.

[justasque]

I can't imagine dictating what curriculum another homeschooling family should be using, especially when it comes to controversial areas. I think "thou shalt use only X" is just as bad as "thou shalt use only y" ~ that is, it's not about the content of their rule from one side or the other, it's about the idea that they would know better than you what's right for your family. Most of us homeschoolers use materials that we don't 100% agree with; we weigh pros and cons and choose accordingly. Ruling out a whole category of curricula, and in a relatively minor subject, seems like overkill. I understand that a cover school has to make some rules regarding curriculum, as that's pretty much the purpose of a cover school if I"m understanding it right, but being this specific is downright odd. I can understand saying "in our co-op classes, we will use x", or "we prefer students avoid discussing controversial topics at co-op", but this is about what you're using at home, right? I can't imagine wanting to hang out with people who think it's OK to override a family's judgement on such a personal subject.

[Slipper]

I can't imagine dictating what curriculum another homeschooling family should be using, especially when it comes to controversial areas. I think "thou shalt use only X" is just as bad as "thou shalt use only y" ~ that is, it's not about the content of their rule from one side or the other, it's about the idea that they would know better than you what's right for your family. Most of us homeschoolers use materials that we don't 100% agree with; we weigh pros and cons and choose accordingly. Ruling out a whole category of curricula, and in a relatively minor subject, seems like overkill. I understand that a cover school has to make some rules regarding curriculum, as that's pretty much the purpose of a cover school if I"m understanding it right, but being this specific is downright odd. I can understand saying "in our co-op classes, we will use x", or "we prefer students avoid discussing controversial topics at co-op", but this is about what you're using at home, right? I can't imagine wanting to hang out with people who think it's OK to override a family's judgement on such a personal subject.

 

Yes, this is about what we use at home. And I may have my terms mixed up. When I say cover school, I mean cover church. We have to have a "cover" to homeschool. I will be teaching ALL academics at home (including health) but might use the co-op for classes such as art or music (my girls love both and would want to double up in those areas from what we do at home).

 

I want to join a larger cover group for the activities (sports, clubs, extra-curriculars) and friendships for my kids.

[Walking-Iris]

Personally I wouldn't associate with anything---cover school, co-op, church---nothing--that tried to tell me what I should teach my kids or what curriculum I was allowed to use. And I most certainly would not associate with anything that insisted I teach only a certain point of view about personal topics like homosexuality etc. That's a main reason for homeschooling, right? Because among other things we want to teach our kids our families values.

 

I'd go elsewhere. If legally you need to be with a cover school, I'd try to find another one.

[SKL]

I think the "Christian health curriculum" concern reflects fear engendered when the news reports that (like I read yesterday) a principal graphically described (to 5th-graders) oral and anal sex during a lesson on AIDS.

 

The explanation implies that they just won't teach about homosexuality. If my kids were the ages of your kids, that would be more than fine with me. I think that can and should be discussed in the family setting.

 

In any situation where "beliefs" might be discussed, I'd prepare my kids for the fact that they may hear things that other families believe that are different from what we believe. That we respect others' beliefs because they are entitled to them, but that doesn't mean we agree with them. Maybe model some language for "agree to disagree and move on."

 

The fact is, most families have some loved one who happens to be gay. However, that is not relevant to academic instruction. History proves that mankind can survive millions of years without a single formal lesson on alternative sexual relationships.

 

Besides, in families where people are openly anti-gay, the kids have learned to fear and make rude comments about gay people. I would not want that brought up in the classroom as it could generate negative discussion which might be hard for the teacher to resolve. I know you can't guarantee the kids themselves won't bring it up casually, but I wouldn't push it.

[SKL]

Yes, this is about what we use at home. And I may have my terms mixed up. When I say cover school, I mean cover church. We have to have a "cover" to homeschool. I will be teaching ALL academics at home (including health) but might use the co-op for classes such as art or music (my girls love both and would want to double up in those areas from what we do at home).

 

I want to join a larger cover group for the activities (sports, clubs, extra-curriculars) and friendships for my kids.

 

Oh, I thought you were talking about a class taught by someone else.

 

No way would I let them tell me what to teach at home. Too hard to draw the line between family discussion and homeschool curriculum.

[justLisa]

What is Christian health anyways?

[Dobela]

Yes, this is about what we use at home. And I may have my terms mixed up. When I say cover school, I mean cover church. We have to have a "cover" to homeschool. I will be teaching ALL academics at home (including health) but might use the co-op for classes such as art or music (my girls love both and would want to double up in those areas from what we do at home).

 

I want to join a larger cover group for the activities (sports, clubs, extra-curriculars) and friendships for my kids.

So they want you to use a Christian health program and have some suggested. Are they also saying that you have to teach every page? Will you be quizzed on your beliefs later? I have not found a single curriculum that I have agreed with 100%, and often have to spend time with my son teaching him why we believe differently in our home. I have also joined co-ops that I don't agree with religiously just so I can participate in the extra-curriculars. Some years that has not been a problem. Other years, it has been a big problem as some children are like their parents - very judgemental and talk about every controversial subject possible just to voice their opinion. Sometimes the topics come up because everyone just assumes that you agree with everything the leaders chose and they are looking for affirmation, or becuase they feel it is a safe place to talk about 'those things' in regard to religious beliefs.

 

When I look at your first post, it seems that the books they want used will just not mention homosexuality, rather than present it as one type of relationship or lifestyle.

[Parrothead]

I'd look for another cover and maybe you can find a co-op that is more diverse.

 

I hate the way the AL law is phrased that one must use a church school. I wouldn't mind a cover school that could be secular, but the whole church school thing forces homeschoolers into one religion or another. And often times that means having to be forced into a non-diverse population.

 

Personally I could not join a cover school that would not let me chose my own curriculum.

[RanchGirl]

If they won't be teaching about it, I don't see the problem. :confused:

 

:iagree:

[PeacefulChaos]

I think you could just cover the hom*s3xuality thing outside of 'school'.

I mean, would the christian health curriculum expressly SAY that it's wrong? Or would it just not cover it at all? I would say that especially if it doesn't cover it at all, that's something that could be done at home (which for us means out of school time. ;) )

[TranquilMind]

But our belief on the subject is already set because we have had to already address it.

 

But, if that is something they are focused on, I don't know how we will fit in. I can't imagine that homeschool kids discuss being gay, but should the subject come up in an activity, my middle daughter will absolutely tell them that being gay is not a big deal, it's just how some people choose to live their life. (She's my outspoken child). She would not correct an adult but she would a child.

 

 

I doubt it ever comes up in social settings. But why don't you just ask someone who leads the co-op if your belief contrary to their established health curriculum standard (even though you agree to use it) is a problem if you feel this strongly about it?

[swellmomma]

Funny the issue out in my province was that the gov't was trying to push through a bill that meant you had to include diversity like gay couples etc into every curriculum choice you made. It had homeschooler's up in arms.

 

I think I would agree to the terms and use an approved health program for school hours. but then outside of "school hours" I would teach what I wanted to teach as far as homosexuality. It is not up to the school board to determine morality in that topic, just to say whether you have to use a christian program or a secular one imo.

 

To me it is no different then when kids go to school and learn 1 stance on it and at home are informed of the family stance kwim.

[justasque]

... I agree with every single bit of it except that they take a stance that kids should only have a Christian based health curriculum. When I asked for clarification, they stated that children should not have a curriculum that teaches about homosexuality.

...

I don't have a problem using a Christian health curriculum, but I'm not going to teach my kids that homosexuality is wrong.

...

They have to approve the curriculum and are very flexible except they state that the Health curriculum must be Christian based and NOT discuss h0mos$xuality.

 

If they won't be teaching about it, I don't see the problem. :confused:

 

The problem is that the cover school's rule is not only that they, the cover school, doesn't teach it, but that the OP's health curriculum must not teach it either. If the OP joins the cover school, she will have to agree to this. However, the OP has taught and will continue to teach her kids about it, specifically that it is OK. The OP does not want to lie or deceive the cover school about the content of her health curriculum, because as a general rule lying is wrong.

 

That's the problem - does she agree to something she knows she won't do so as to provide her children access to classes, activities, and friends, or does she refrain from promising something she has no intention of doing? Is doing something that is wrong (lying) justified when it benefits your kids? Does breaking your word matter if the other party doesn't/won't find out? Does splitting hairs over what is "school" and what is "not school" make a difference? That's the dilemma.

[PeacefulChaos]

I have to admit, I kind of feel like the ins and outs of exactly what we teach - especially something like s3xual*ty in any form, which varies family to family - shouldn't be privy to anyone else. I feel that way about any schools and anything else. I just don't feel like it is necessarily something that has to be taught 'at school'. For the people who lead this group, for example, hom*s3xuality is a moral issue. But I don't think it's the job of any outside group or school or ANYTHING to be teaching our children moral issues - I believe that's something we do at home, as we choose.

Anyway, I don't know if that makes any sense, but I guess what I'm thinking is that as long as your own conversations on the topic with your family are not during school time and not an actual part of your curriculum, I really see no problem with it. (Assuming, as I said before, that the curriculum you find didn't address the opposite point of view, but just left it out entirely.)

[elfgivas]

we try really hard not to financially support any organization or group whose ethics we disagree with strongly.

 

we also try really hard not to represent any group whose ethics we disagree with strongly.

 

so if this involves money, i wouldn't give money to a group which teaches hatred, whether that is taught overtly, or covertly, and whether it is gender, race or orientation related...

 

and if i were listed as a group member, i wouldn't/couldn't do it either.

 

from a different angle, i wouldn't want to be in a cover school that is trying to teach opinion rather than how to evaluate observations.

 

fwiw,

ann

[Slipper]

I've decided to not join the group I was thinking about. It occurred to me while reading that it's not a good idea for many reasons. In particular, I want my children to have like-minded friends. Thank you for all the thoughtful comments. I'll keep searching.