question springing from molested 4yr old thread

[Dory]

I'm wondering if the feelings would be so strong if people were to walk in on this happening to someone elses' child. Or if they were to simply think this might be happening to someone elses' child. After all, a large majority (simply me exaggerating, not an actual fact I know) of young girl are molested, where are all these people that think that it was awesome that the dad killed this guy. I guess perhaps this story hits too close to home for me. I know many, many people that talk about how molesters and pedophiles should be killed or castrated, and yet they didn't seem to care about me, or my best friend, or many other girls I know. I guess, I'm happy that this little girl is safe now, and in a home where she's loved and protected, but all this talking about it, makes me a little angry. It's always just talk. Even in the aftermath of things like this, I have found that no one really wants to hear about it, or know what happens. It's always just talk.

OK, I'm done my little rant. I guess the question is, how would you respond if you were to know, or strongly suspect, that someone a child (not yours) were in a position where they were being molested?

Edited June 12, 2012 by Dory

[Impish]

I'd call the police, CPS, anyone I could think of that could investigate. No way would I not do anything.

 

If I walked in? If Wolf walked in? Honestly, I don't think our reaction would be any different than if it were our child. I think both of us would flat out snap.

[Liz CA]

I would indeed act or investigate. I couldn't sleep if I thought something was going on and I could possibly prevent or stop it.

I am so sorry this hits so close to home for you. It sounds like nobody reported the molester and no measure of justice was rendered.

This is very hurtful.

[Anne in CA]

I do think people care about other people's kids.

 

My cousin was having dinner with two friends and her son, G. Her son was six and asked to go to the bathroom by himself. She didn't like it but she let G go, a minute later she sent her friend's husband after the G to check on him. When her friend's husband found him in the bathroom he was sharing a urinal with a strange man and so friend's husband put his hand on G to move him to his own urinal.

 

G said, "You're not my dad!"

 

The man who had been sharing a urinal with G thought the worst and tried to beat my cousin's friend's husband half to death, lol. The restaurant bathroom was nearly destroyed over a misunderstanding. They broke a stall wall and damaged a sink. So, yes, I do think that people care if someone else's child is being molested.

[BigMamaBird]

If I walked in on it happening, the perpetrator would be flat on their back and in a world of hurt inside 10 seconds. I wouldn't kill them, but they wouldn't be touching anyone else for a while.

 

If I strongly suspected someone was hurting a child I'd call the cops, CPS, whomever and have them do an investigation.

[Dory]

If I walked in on it happening, the perpetrator would be flat on their back and in a world of hurt inside 10 seconds. I wouldn't kill them, but they wouldn't be touching anyone else for a while.

 

If I strongly suspected someone was hurting a child I'd call the cops, CPS, whomever and have them do an investigation.

 

Would you call CPS if it was a family you knew well or a relative?

[K&Rs Mom]

I think "walk in on" is very different from "strongly suspect." For the first, it doesn't matter who it is, I'd put a stop to it any way I could. For the second, I'd pass the info to someone who can find out more - CPS, police, whatever.

[TranquilMind]

I guess the question is, how would you respond if you were to know, or strongly suspect, that someone a child (not yours) were in a position where they were being molested?

 

If I walked in, I'd go off on the person, as soon as the facts processed through my brain in a moment of shock. No question. I told my husband just the other day, when we were discussing another matter that I might be older and a bit weaker right now but by golly, I've got one good Rocky punch in me and I know when to use it (thinking the Rocky move where he punches out the giant Russian at the end).

 

As to this last question, I'd call the police and relay the facts immediately.

[Impish]

I should add, Wolf's uncle was convicted, via plea deal, of molesting his dds.

 

Wolf can't stand even hearing creepazoid's name. He doesn't want to ever be in the position of being face to face w/him, b/c he doesn't honestly know how he'd react.

 

So, yeah. Any child in danger would evoke a strong reaction in both of us.

[clarkacademy]

I would surely pick something up and start beating the crap outta someone over another kid. I think once I got him down I would most likely stop and call the police. I don't think I would drag out the torture if it weren't my own kid. Then again I cannot say for sure. I have no tolerance for a baby raper. I do not believe in rehabilitation or forgiveness in any way. I don't think those people ought to get to live.

 

I have a saying why test on innocent anmals when prisons are full of child molesters and rapists!

[TranquilMind]

Would you call CPS if it was a family you knew well or a relative?

 

No, I would call the police first. Perhaps anonymously, if they would take it that way, to be honest. People who are being cornered are dangerous.

[WistfulRidge]

I'd call the police, CPS, anyone I could think of that could investigate. No way would I not do anything.

 

If I walked in? If Wolf walked in? Honestly, I don't think our reaction would be any different than if it were our child. I think both of us would flat out snap.

:iagree:

 

I cannot express the level of loathing I feel for someone who would do that to a child. I have never been in the position of being the victim myself but have many people close to me that have. My grandmother was horribly, horribly abused by her father from the time she was about four until her brother found out when she was 13 and nearly killed their dad over it. I know how it affected her entire life. I have several close friends and family members that have suffered sexual abuse at the hands of family members, friends, and/or strangers.

 

I would do anything in my power, period, to make sure that any abuse (suspected or witnessed) was stopped. If I walked in on something happening I know that I would completely lose it.

[I.Dup.]

How could we possibly know? If it really is happening as often as the statistics show (1 in 3 girls? 1 in 4?) then it is all around us, right?

 

It's really hard not to become jaded by numbers like that.

[tntgoodwin]

I'm wondering if the feelings would be so strong if people were to walk in on this happening to someone elses' child. Or if they were to simply think this might be happening to someone elses' child. After all, a large majority of young girl are molested, where are all these people that think that it was awesome that the dad killed this guy. I guess perhaps this story hits too close to home for me. I know many, many people that talk about how molesters and pedophiles should be killed or castrated, and yet they didn't seem to care about me, or my best friend, or many other girls I know. I guess, I'm happy that this little girl is safe now, and in a home where she's loved and protected, but all this talking about it, makes me a little angry. It's always just talk. Even in the aftermath of things like this, I have found that no one really wants to hear about it, or know what happens. It's always just talk.

OK, I'm done my little rant. I guess the question is, how would you respond if you were to know, or strongly suspect, that someone a child (not yours) were in a position where they were being molested?

 

First of all, do you have a source for the bolded statement?

 

Secondly, if I were to observe this crime in progress, I would absolutely take immediate, physical action to protect any child. If it is a suspicion or a knowledge after the fact, I would let law enforcement know what I know.

[QuirkyKidAcademy]

(((hugs))) Dory. I'm so so sorry.

[Kissy]

For me it doesn't matter if it is my child or not, I would react the same way. If I caught it I don't know what I would do but I do know that they wouldn't be able to get away. If I found out about it I would report it to the parents first (unless it is a parent), if they did nothing I would continue up the ladder to police and CPS. When I was 11 at my aunts friends house a little girl who was 5 had to go pee and asked me to come help her and I did. She told me it hurt when she peed and I asked her why and she said because Grandpa keeps touching me there. I went and got her mother and told her right then. So even as a child I was hardwired to seek help. I hurt so bad for that little girl. Her mother pressed charges on her step grandpa and it turned out he was doing more than touching. I still cry thinking about it because she was hurting so bad and think it was wonderful that she felt she could tell another child. I have suspected with no proof things before and told even when family became angry with me. I don't know why some people can't do what is need or are too scared and others aren't.

 

I am sorry this hits close to home and someone hurt you and your friends. I have a cousin having to live with something similar. It is a long road when you feel like no one cares. Hugs and know that there are still many people who do care and would help.

[Dory]

First of all, do you have a source for the bolded statement?

 

Secondly, if I were to observe this crime in progress, I would absolutely take immediate, physical action to protect any child. If it is a suspicion or a knowledge after the fact, I would let law enforcement know what I know.

 

Well, according to RAINN, 44% of victims are under the age of 18, and there are approximately 207,754 sexual assaults every year in the US. Here are the stats for Canada http://www.sexassault.ca/statistics.htm, and those sites are both reputable sites.

[mommymilkies]

I would surely pick something up and start beating the crap outta someone over another kid. I think once I got him down I would most likely stop and call the police. I don't think I would drag out the torture if it weren't my own kid. Then again I cannot say for sure. I have no tolerance for a baby raper. I do not believe in rehabilitation or forgiveness in any way. I don't think those people ought to get to live.

 

:iagree: I believe in forgiveness for a lot. But not rape or sexual abuse. That's where I draw my line.

[mommymilkies]

How could we possibly know? If it really is happening as often as the statistics show (1 in 3 girls? 1 in 4?) then it is all around us, right?

 

It's really hard not to become jaded by numbers like that.

 

Most never report it and most perps are never convicted. I have a friend whose 11 yo dd just went to court to testify against her step-grandfather for abuse. It's sickening what she has to go through. A whole other violation, in many ways, just to get him on the stand. I had MANY friends who were abused growing up, as well as myself. None of the perps but one ever got turned in, tried, or convicted. Most families want to shush it up and make it "go away".

[tntgoodwin]

oops, double post.

Edited June 11, 2012 by tntgoodwin

[I.Dup.]

The problem is that rarely do people walk in.

 

It's a terrible problem and I'm glad it's being talked about.

[Impish]

Most never report it and most perps are never convicted. I have a friend whose 11 yo dd just went to court to testify against her step-grandfather for abuse. It's sickening what she has to go through. A whole other violation, in many ways, just to get him on the stand. I had MANY friends who were abused growing up, as well as myself. None of the perps but one ever got turned in, tried, or convicted. Most families want to shush it up and make it "go away".

I testified against my ex on a s*x assault charge.

 

I wasn't a child at the time, but it was, w/out a doubt, one of the hardest things I've ever done, and def felt revictimized by the process. Having to go into graphic detail of what was done, how, how long, etc...w/him sitting there, staring at me, the defence atty questioning details...

 

Frankly, I feel like vomiting now, just remembering. And I was an *adult* when I testified. I can't imagine how a child deals w/it.

[ravinlunachick]

I have no doubt that my dh's reaction would be the same, whether he walked in on it happening to our own daughters or someone else's. Whether he actually killed the person would depend on how fast more men were able to get there to subdue dh, I'm sure, but the molester most certainly wouldn't be walking away unharmed.

 

As for me, I might be a tad more restrained, but only because I tend to keep a cooler head in a crisis. Of course, that might also depend on the severity of what was happening. Fondling would be very different than rape.

[Skadi]

When I was 13, my father twisted my arm behind my back while calling me awful names and screaming at me in the mall. I remember very clearly that my first reaction was a flood of happiness and elation--finally, he made the mistake of abusing me in public, and I could get out of that situation.

 

No one helped. He worked himself into more of a frenzy, twisting my arm until I was forced to sink down onto my knees, perspiring and crying out from the pain. My little sister was crying, begging him to stop. We were near an exit, so many people walked past us. About ten people continued to shop within eyesight/earshot, pretending not to notice. Finally, I began begging for help, fearing my arm would be broken.

 

"Please! Someone help! Please help me!" No one helped. Not a group of young men in their twenties. Not three middle aged men, who scowled but kept walking. No one even called mall security or 911. My fater laughed and asked why I thought anyone would want to help someone like me. Eventually, he released my arm. It was severely bruised and I couldn't use it for several weeks after that -- I don't know if it was sprained or if there were hairline fractures. That doesn't matter. There was nothing he could do that could have hurt me more than those people who didn't help me. I lost my faith in humanity that day. I will always remember their faces. The way they stood up a little straighter but wouldn't look me in the eye. The ones who continued to shop as if everything was fine.

 

So yes, I am extremely skeptical when I hear people boast that they would have done something. And as a survivor of s*xual abuse, I know what you mean about people not wanting to hear about it at all. But I have a conceal carry permit, and I am not exaggerating in the slightest when I say that I am 100% prepared to kill any monster I come across. And I firmly believe anyone claiming nonviolence because the victim would witness it, doesn't understand the hellish nature of what being abused is really like.

[Skadi]

Double post.

[pdalley]

Would you call CPS if it was a family you knew well or a relative?

 

In a New York Minute. And if I walked in on it I would stop it by whatever means necessary. If my gut told the situation was not good then I would stay until I called someone to investigate it. I would not walk away. I would not hesitate to report it. I would stop it. Somehow. I could not live with myself if I didn't do everything in my power to help a child.

 

:grouphug: I am so sorry you went through what you did and that no one helped you.

[tntgoodwin]

Well, according to RAINN, 44% of victims are under the age of 18, and there are approximately 207,754 sexual assaults every year in the US. Here are the stats for Canada http://www.sexassault.ca/statistics.htm, and those sites are both reputable sites.

 

Ok, there are approximately 78 million people under 18 in the US.

44% of ~208k is ~91,520.

 

 

That means the amount of people under 18 who have had sexual assaults against them reported in one year is around 0.12%

And that isn't counting multiple offenses on the same victim.

So, the annual rate of reported sex assaults on minors is a little more than one-tenth of one percent.

 

There are approximately 160 million females in the US, total. A simple majority would be just over 80 million. A great majority isn't really quanitifiable, but is somewhere higher than that.

 

 

So, I think the statement in the original post is probably far from accurate, fortunately.

[mommymilkies]

:grouphug: Skadi-I would step in in an instant if I saw that. I am ashamed for the human race that nobody helped you. You see this in the news sometimes, where nobody stops for the homeless man run over, or the child being beaten. It's so very wrong.

[mommymilkies]

Ok, there are approximately 78 million people under 18 in the US.

44% of ~208k is ~91,520.

 

 

That means the amount of people under 18 who have had sexual assaults against them reported in one year is around 0.12%

And that isn't counting multiple offenses on the same victim.

So, the annual rate of reported sex assaults on minors is a little more than one-tenth of one percent.

 

There are approximately 160 million females in the US, total. A simple majority would be just over 80 million. A great majority isn't really quanitifiable, but is somewhere higher than that.

 

 

So, I think the statement in the original post is probably far from accurate, fortunately.

 

You've obviously never talked to any females about this. It is pervasive, even in our society. I don't know a single female who hasn't been abused, hadn't had an attempt to rape them, or had a close relative who was abused. Those statistics are misleading. Ask any cop or lawyer how impossible it is to take those monsters to trial or get them indicted.

[Impish]

You've obviously never talked to any females about this. It is pervasive, even in our society. I don't know a single female who hasn't been abused, hadn't had an attempt to rape them, or had a close relative who was abused. Those statistics are misleading. Ask any cop or lawyer how impossible it is to take those monsters to trial or get them indicted.

And then talk about how many who DID get indicted ended up convicted.

 

Too often it's a he said/she said.

[FaithManor]

First of all, do you have a source for the bolded statement?

 

Secondly, if I were to observe this crime in progress, I would absolutely take immediate, physical action to protect any child. If it is a suspicion or a knowledge after the fact, I would let law enforcement know what I know.

 

 

This exactly! I would not be able to restrain myself from full on "beat the breath out of perp" action. I have a zero tolerance policy for molesters.

 

I think that difference is that it is very, very rare for people to actually walk in on such an event. Many people also are not clued into the warning signs for molestation so they don't know that they should suspect something is wrong. This board is full of parents who have taken a different stance to a culture of parenting that has, for the most part, always assumed everything was okay until smacked in the face otherwise or that always thought it wasn't their problem. Franky, the Hive tends to be MUCH more informed an a host of topics from safety, nutrition, medical technology, educational philosophy, etc. than the average person roaming the streets. So, our parent instincts are pretty honed by all that research. Likewise, we've probably, for the most part, partnered with like minded spouses or significant others and that makes a HUGE difference in our outlooks. Just like Dh and I, or Wolf and Imp, or ....we represent a small percentage of parenting forces that are mega tuned into children. We are more likely to suspect a problem and we are more likely to be proactive about it. I came from parents of this mentality, but they were anomolies. Their parents were decidedly naive about just about anything beyond infancy and toddler hood....send them to school, it's the teacher's job to figure it out and tell me what to do...most of my grandparents friends were like this as well.

 

The previous generation also seemed to be trained by "tradition" that this kind of thing was not "their business". Ugh! There it is...but, that has been the American culture and I think that only in the past few years has this kind of thinking in regards to abuse issues begun changing.

 

Op, I am sooooo, soooo sorry :grouphug::grouphug: that you and other loved ones were victimized and no one did anything. It happens far too often!

 

Faith

[Harriet Vane]

I have indeed called DCFS in cases of suspected abuse, and I have advised others to do so as well.

 

I have broken up more than one street fight. I am not a skilled fighter or anything like that. I am an ordinary, sorta frumpy housewife who will NOT stand for it, and who used what power I had--a big voice, a mean look, and the courage to wade into the fray and order them to knock it off.

 

I walked into a public bathroom knowing a child was "gettin' a whuppin.'" A child leaving the bathroom told me so, and I could hear it. There wasn't much I could do in terms of reporting because I did not know the people in question and had no way, but I did GO IN and use my presence there to stop what was happening to the child, and to speak whatever social nothings about the weather and other things to the parent to sufficiently distract that woman from what she was doing. It wasn't an ordinary spanking, either--she had a telephone cord in her hand, and the child in question was cowering in the corner when I entered the room. I tried to do more, but they disappeared in the crowd outside.

 

So yes, I would absolutely stop someone hurting a child, and would definitely report it.

 

That said, most people do not. This is a statistical fact that any caseworker will confirm. Most victims are NOT protected and in fact, most victims are the least protected by their own families. For shame.

[tntgoodwin]

Keep in mind that the plural of "anecdote" is not "data."

[Harriet Vane]

Most never report it and most perps are never convicted. I have a friend whose 11 yo dd just went to court to testify against her step-grandfather for abuse. It's sickening what she has to go through. A whole other violation, in many ways, just to get him on the stand. I had MANY friends who were abused growing up, as well as myself. None of the perps but one ever got turned in, tried, or convicted. Most families want to shush it up and make it "go away".

 

Very true.

[Impish]

True, but the fact is data can only be compiled (in this case) by #s of charges filed, indictments, convictions.

 

Any *anyone* that works in the system, dealing w/victims will tell you, loud and clear, that the vast majority of s*x crimes are NOT reported. Period. Everyone who works w/victims knows this...so they know that the data compiled is woefully incomplete.

 

To not acknowledge that fact is to get an utterly false picture of the nightmare landscape that is s*xual abuse/assault.

[Harriet Vane]

The problem is that rarely do people walk in.

 

It's a terrible problem and I'm glad it's being talked about.

 

Also very true. People rarely walk in on something that is happening. AND, they will rationalize away the small evidences that something may have happened or be ongoing.

[Harriet Vane]

 

. . .

 

There was nothing he could do that could have hurt me more than those people who didn't help me.

 

. . .

 

So yes, I am extremely skeptical when I hear people boast that they would have done something.

 

. . .

 

I firmly believe anyone claiming nonviolence because the victim would witness it, doesn't understand the hellish nature of what being abused is really like.

 

Well said.

 

I am so very, very sorry for what happened to you. :grouphug:

[oasis]

My view is a person who knows (or suspects) a child is being molested and does nothing about it is as guilty as the person he or she is enabling.

 

If the person is not a monster, he or she would report and/or stop the molestation.

[Spy Car]

I've acted on more than one occasion to prevent a woman from being assaulted or raped. I've never been in situation to save a child from a molester, but I would not fail to act were I a witness to such a crime.

 

Bill

[Dory]

I wonder how many never report it though. I'm thinking more along the lines of single incidences than ongoing abuse, but I don't think I've met a single female who didn't have some story to tell.

Studies done have estimated that approximately 54% of rapes are never reported and it's thought that that is inaccurately low. Of the ones that are reported, only 3% of them actually will be prosecuted.

[Dory]

No one helped.

 

So yes, I am extremely skeptical when I hear people boast that they would have done something. And as a survivor of s*xual abuse, I know what you mean about people not wanting to hear about it at all. And I firmly believe anyone claiming nonviolence because the victim would witness it, doesn't understand the hellish nature of what being abused is really like.

:grouphug: I'm so sorry for what happened to you, and thank you so much for understanding a little of where I'm coming from.

[thescrappyhomeschooler]

I think "walk in on" is very different from "strongly suspect." For the first, it doesn't matter who it is, I'd put a stop to it any way I could. For the second, I'd pass the info to someone who can find out more - CPS, police, whatever.

 

:iagree:

[Dory]

I think "walk in on" is very different from "strongly suspect." For the first, it doesn't matter who it is, I'd put a stop to it any way I could. For the second, I'd pass the info to someone who can find out more - CPS, police, whatever.

 

You're right, the two are very different. It would also depend on how one defines 'strongly suspect'. I have a friend who was concerned because a little boy (4) was sexually 'playing' with her son, but she figured it was just little boys being little boys and they just needed an explanation that that wasn't allowed, whereas for me, that would be enough for me to be very very concerned about sexual abuse going happening with that little boy and I would be talking to some authorities.

[BigMamaBird]

Would you call CPS if it was a family you knew well or a relative?

 

If I strongly suspected, like if I had the kid telling me something was happening or had seen something that set off serious red flags, yes I'd call, probably the police first.

 

I'd rather be wrong and have the parents mad at me for the rest of my life, than to be right and have a child suffer abuse because I was afraid to call. It would be hard though if it were family.

[DawnM]

OP,

 

:grouphug: I am sorry.

[TheReader]

Ok, there are approximately 78 million people under 18 in the US.

44% of ~208k is ~91,520.

 

 

That means the amount of people under 18 who have had sexual assaults against them reported in one year is around 0.12%

And that isn't counting multiple offenses on the same victim.

So, the annual rate of reported sex assaults on minors is a little more than one-tenth of one percent.

 

There are approximately 160 million females in the US, total. A simple majority would be just over 80 million. A great majority isn't really quanitifiable, but is somewhere higher than that.

 

 

So, I think the statement in the original post is probably far from accurate, fortunately.

 

Keep in mind that the plural of "anecdote" is not "data."

 

True, but the fact is data can only be compiled (in this case) by #s of charges filed, indictments, convictions.

 

Any *anyone* that works in the system, dealing w/victims will tell you, loud and clear, that the vast majority of s*x crimes are NOT reported. Period. Everyone who works w/victims knows this...so they know that the data compiled is woefully incomplete.

 

To not acknowledge that fact is to get an utterly false picture of the nightmare landscape that is s*xual abuse/assault.

 

What Imp said, Tnt.

 

I realize you don't find anecdotal info as true data, but take for example this true story (all of these are family members of mine, except Victim #Last):

 

young boy molests his younger sister.

 

many years go by.

 

young boy grows up, marries, has 2 daughters.

 

a few more years go by.

 

when his oldest daughter is 13 yrs old, she tells a counselor what her father has been doing to her.

 

It takes a year for the counselor to convince the authorities that an actual arrest needs to be made, at which time he somehow winds up serving less than one year in jail. (meanwhile, the 13 yr old spent 18 months in residential treatment center and then ~2 more years in out-patient counseling)

 

In his next home, living with a friend who also has children, he is caught abusing the friend's daughter, arrested, charged, sentenced to a very long term; life, with eligibility for parole after a few decades. Finally, his reign of terror is stopped. (it is highly likely he will die of natural causes before he becomes eligible for parole, thank goodness).

 

During the early days of his prison sentence, it comes to light that in the 40 or 50 years between Victim #1 (his young sister, when both were under 10 yrs old) to Victim # Last (the 7-ish yr old daughter of a friend) There were OVER 150 OTHER VICTIMS. NONE OF WHOM REPORTED (except his daughter, age 13, who spent more time in residential counseling than he spent in jail as a direct result of his crime specifically against her).

 

I realize this is just an anecdote to you, but it is real life to the little girls who suffered. Not just his sister or his daughter, but all 150+ in between.

 

The numbers of crimes REPORTED vs. ACTUALLY OCCURRING are a horrid example of "Tip of the Iceberg," unfortunately. Tip.of.The.Iceberg.

 

If I strongly suspected, like if I had the kid telling me something was happening or had seen something that set off serious red flags, yes I'd call, probably the police first.

 

I'd rather be wrong and have the parents mad at me for the rest of my life, than to be right and have a child suffer abuse because I was afraid to call. It would be hard though if it were family.

 

Yes, OP, to answer your question --- if I witnessed abuse of this type, from fondling to full out rape, I would intercede and get that child to safety, period. By whatever means necessary.

 

If I suspected abuse or had knowledge of abuse, I would (and have) call the authorities -- police, CPS, whoever -- no matter my relation to the abuser/victim. I have called on a close relative (not one of those presented in the above), anonymously, and was thankfully proven wrong.

 

I would also take whatever steps I could to make sure the child knows that someone (me) is on his or her side (b/c not all victims are female...). If I learned or believed that abuse was on-going even after a call to the authorities, I would not let it rest until I had proof satisfying enough to believe the child safe and I was wrong, or until the abuser was removed and the child in a safe environment. Absolutely. I don't say that lightly, it's not just words to me. That is, hands down, what I would do and what I have done in the past.

[Dory]

What Imp said, Tnt.

During the early days of his prison sentence, it comes to light that in the 40 or 50 years between Victim #1 (his young sister, when both were under 10 yrs old) to Victim # Last (the 7-ish yr old daughter of a friend) There were OVER 150 OTHER VICTIMS. NONE OF WHOM REPORTED (except his daughter, age 13, who spent more time in residential counseling than he spent in jail as a direct result of his crime specifically against her).

 

I realize this is just an anecdote to you, but it is real life to the little girls who suffered. Not just his sister or his daughter, but all 150+ in between.

 

The numbers of crimes REPORTED vs. ACTUALLY OCCURRING are a horrid example of "Tip of the Iceberg," unfortunately. Tip.of.The.Iceberg.

 

I would also take whatever steps I could to make sure the child knows that someone (me) is on his or her side (b/c not all victims are female...). If I learned or believed that abuse was on-going even after a call to the authorities, I would not let it rest until I had proof satisfying enough to believe the child safe and I was wrong, or until the abuser was removed and the child in a safe environment. Absolutely. I don't say that lightly, it's not just words to me. That is, hands down, what I would do and what I have done in the past.

 

There were many many kids in my extended family and I know every single one of them were sexually abused and not one of them ever reported it. Also, many of them were male. So I guess I have some first hand experience of both of your above statements. It's nice to know that there are those people in out there that take this seriously, even if none of them lived in my area.

[swellmomma]

I'd call the police, CPS, anyone I could think of that could investigate. No way would I not do anything.

 

If I walked in? If Wolf walked in? Honestly, I don't think our reaction would be any different than if it were our child. I think both of us would flat out snap.

 

 

:iagree:This. If I walked in on any child being assualted sexually, physically etc I could not NOT do something. My reaction is automatically WTF! while doing anything I could to get the child safe.

 

Generally you do not walk in on it happening, you find out after the fact in which case I would do teh first, call police, CPS etc just like I did after I found out my kids were molested. Just like I did when the neighbor boy was being physically assualted etc.

 

Reporting it doesn't always help though. In both cases of my kids being assaulted the abusers were minors themselves so there was little to be done. Heck even when I called the police after my own rape at 19, I got told by the cop that it would never go to court because it was a he said/she said case (it was an ex boyfriend), and not to upset myself pressing charges. I get your anger and frustration, but it isn't always citizen joe that is not responding to these kids, it is the system itself after someone HAS tried to help anyway they can.

[Parrothead]

I think "walk in on" is very different from "strongly suspect." For the first, it doesn't matter who it is, I'd put a stop to it any way I could. For the second, I'd pass the info to someone who can find out more - CPS, police, whatever.

:iagree:

[Dory]

:iagree:This. If I walked in on any child being assualted sexually, physically etc I could not NOT do something. My reaction is automatically WTF! while doing anything I could to get the child safe.

 

Generally you do not walk in on it happening, you find out after the fact in which case I would do teh first, call police, CPS etc just like I did after I found out my kids were molested. Just like I did when the neighbor boy was being physically assualted etc.

 

Reporting it doesn't always help though. In both cases of my kids being assaulted the abusers were minors themselves so there was little to be done. Heck even when I called the police after my own rape at 19, I got told by the cop that it would never go to court because it was a he said/she said case (it was an ex boyfriend), and not to upset myself pressing charges. I get your anger and frustration, but it isn't always citizen joe that is not responding to these kids, it is the system itself after someone HAS tried to help anyway they can.

 

That why I didn't bother reporting it. What's the point of going through all that when odds are it would never go anywhere. I have found though that the two times I tried to tell someone my story I was basically told I was a liar and brushed off (seriously! What sort of kid has the ability to make up this stuff?!). As for someone walking in, I had my mom walk in one time and my grandma another and nothing was ever done.