Weaning at night and my 22 month old is NOT happy about it! :(

[Dustybug]

Tonight will be night three of me attempting to wean my toddler from nursing at night. It has not been going well at ALL. With my older two, I had some bumps in the road(my DS took MONTHS to nightwean), but nothing like this.

 

For the past two nights, DD has cried and SCREAMED for hours once she wakes up for the first time around midnight when I won't nurse her. Cuddling doesn't work. In fact, she flails and pushes me away from her if I try to touch her sometimes. Singing evokes more crying. I tried rubbing her back, patting her bottom, talking in calm soothing tones, etc. I'm so disheartened. :( I wouldn't worry about weaning her at night except she was literally attached to me from the time she woke up for the first time for the entire remainder of the night. I'm EXHAUSTED and I need rest. I did get her to fall asleep while lying on my chest twice, but as soon as I twitched to move her, she'd be up crying all over again. It took nearly 2 1/2 hours the first night to get her to settle down and I lost track of the time last night.

 

Giving her over to DH is just not an option. He doesn't even get home from work until nearly midnight and he is too exhausted to deal with a screaming baby. He'd be irritable with her without really meaning to and he needs sleep because he works LONG shifts, lots of overtime and it simply isn't practical. Even if he would take her, she's so attached to me that when she is upset, if he tries to comfort her, she gets even more worked up because she wants me (and this is in all situations, not just nursing).

 

I don't mind being the one to deal with it, but it's breaking my heart making her so upset. I have to get some solid sleep though. I can't take it easy over months like my DS. I already deal with anxiety and the lack of rest is really exacerbating it. Any advice? Suggestions? This is making me feel like a parenting newbie all over again. :(

[Whereneverever]

Will she take a sippy of water? Does she have a lovey? It's hard. :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

[Chris in VA]

Oh honey, that's so hard. Just stay the course. Can you pray over her? (I'm sorry, I forget your persuasion that way.) You are doing this so you can be a better mommy. Boundaries are hard. I'm sorry.

[Mom-ninja.]

Talk to her about it during the day. Tell her that nursies (or whatever she calls it) go to sleep when the sun goes to sleep and they wake up again with the sun.

 

Remind of her of this often. When you put her to bed remind her again that they are going night night, and she will be able to nurse when the sun is up.

 

Children that young don't understand a clock, but they can understand when the sun goes down and when it comes up.

 

Reassure her that she will be able to nurse when the sun is up and nursies wake up.

 

It's hard, but she will begin to understand. Hang in there.

[Dustybug]

Will she take a sippy of water? Does she have a lovey? It's hard. :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

We gave her both of those things and she just holds them while she cries. :(

 

Oh honey, that's so hard. Just stay the course. Can you pray over her? (I'm sorry, I forget your persuasion that way.) You are doing this so you can be a better mommy. Boundaries are hard. I'm sorry.

 

I haven't tried this yet. I will tonight!

 

Talk to her about it during the day. Tell her that nursies (or whatever she calls it) go to sleep when the sun goes to sleep and they wake up again with the sun.

 

Remind of her of this often. When you put her to bed remind her again that they are going night night, and she will be able to nurse when the sun is up.

 

Children that young don't understand a clock, but they can understand when the sun goes down and when it comes up.

 

Reassure her that she will be able to nurse when the sun is up and nursies wake up.

 

It's hard, but she will begin to understand. Hang in there.

 

I have a picture book about night weaning that talks about this very thing that we've been reading every night and I try to tell her those things as well. No go. *sigh* I guess I just need to keep on, keepin' on.

[melissad2]

It took a complete change of routine to wean my son at 20 months. We went on vacation and completely wore him out so he went to sleep without nursing and was so busy playing the next day he didn't even ask anymore. Of course I was weaning him completely and had him down to one nursing session before bed.

[ktgrok]

Could she be actually thirsty or hungry? I found that she would fall back asleep quickly, but then wake right back up seconds later, still thirsty. A sippy cup of almond milk has helped tremendously. I had no idea she was so hungry/thirsty, but many nights she sucks down the whole sippy cup of milk in one go!

[garddwr]

No advice, but sending hugs! Dd4 was like this when I tried to wean her at about that age--after a week of her screaming for hours at a time every night I gave up and let her keep nursing. She didn't wean until she was 3. I'm actually set to wean my current toddler starting tonight--he's 23 months, I'm six months pregnant. I don't have much milk so he doesn't really nurse for that--he nurses for comfort and it's mostly to go to sleep for a nap, go to sleep at night, and if he wakes up during the night. I told my husband I'm going to need him to take ds at night so he is taking a week off of work (he thought he could do it and still get up for work at 4:00 AM every morning, but experience says it would take about 24 hours before tired, grumpy dad would be driving the whole family insane!). I'm not up to any more sleep deprivation right now, and it is dh who is really pushing me to wean him so I'm making the whole thing his responsibility. Of course if ds screams I probably won't be able to sleep anyway, even with the door closed--I'm way to alert to the sound of my kids' cries. I had one (ds6) who was easy to wean--I just told him at 23 months that he was too old to nurse anymore and he never asked again. He did cry when I put him to bed that night, but it was just a sad, mourning for something he knew was gone kind of cry--not the furious screaming that dd4 gave me!

Edited May 23, 2012 by thegardener

[Dustybug]

Could she be actually thirsty or hungry? I found that she would fall back asleep quickly, but then wake right back up seconds later, still thirsty. A sippy cup of almond milk has helped tremendously. I had no idea she was so hungry/thirsty, but many nights she sucks down the whole sippy cup of milk in one go!

 

 

This is very possible. She is a little 22mo old, only weighing about 19lbs simply because she eats so little. She will only eat a few bites at a time of anything and sometimes will quite happily skip complete meals because she'd rather be nursing. :/ My pediatrician had suggested several months ago weaning at night to see if it improved her appetite in the day.

 

I've never had almond milk. Is the taste similar or like regular cow's milk? I ask because DD won't have much to do with milk unless she is drinking it straight from MY glass.

[VeganCupcake]

We went through much the same thing when nightweaning my DD. She would throw the sippy cup at my head, scream in my ear, etc. It was fun. :tongue_smilie: We persevered and it worked out. Nothing but nursing was comforting to her at night.

 

This is very possible. She is a little 22mo old, only weighing about 19lbs simply because she eats so little. She will only eat a few bites at a time of anything and sometimes will quite happily skip complete meals because she'd rather be nursing. :/ My pediatrician had suggested several months ago weaning at night to see if it improved her appetite in the day.

 

I've never had almond milk. Is the taste similar or like regular cow's milk? I ask because DD won't have much to do with milk unless she is drinking it straight from MY glass.

 

No, almond milk does not taste like cow's milk at all.

[ktgrok]

This is very possible. She is a little 22mo old, only weighing about 19lbs simply because she eats so little. She will only eat a few bites at a time of anything and sometimes will quite happily skip complete meals because she'd rather be nursing. :/ My pediatrician had suggested several months ago weaning at night to see if it improved her appetite in the day.

 

I've never had almond milk. Is the taste similar or like regular cow's milk? I ask because DD won't have much to do with milk unless she is drinking it straight from MY glass.

 

It's sweeter than cows milk, so I think it is more like breastmilk. Ideally I wouldn't want her drinking it at night, but i am willing to risk her teeth for a few weeks rather than my sanity, you know? The vanilla is very sweet, the original somewhat sweet, and then there is an unsweetened. My daughter won't touch cows milk, but loves the vanilla and original almond milk. I happened to have it as my son is allergic to cows milk, and she took to it.

[Dustybug]

We went through much the same thing when nightweaning my DD. She would throw the sippy cup at my head, scream in my ear, etc. It was fun. :tongue_smilie: We persevered and it worked out. Nothing but nursing was comforting to her at night.

 

 

 

No, almond milk does not taste like cow's milk at all.

 

It's sweeter than cows milk, so I think it is more like breastmilk. Ideally I wouldn't want her drinking it at night, but i am willing to risk her teeth for a few weeks rather than my sanity, you know? The vanilla is very sweet, the original somewhat sweet, and then there is an unsweetened. My daughter won't touch cows milk, but loves the vanilla and original almond milk. I happened to have it as my son is allergic to cows milk, and she took to it.

 

 

Hmm. I just may look into that.

[besroma]

Could she be actually thirsty or hungry? I found that she would fall back asleep quickly, but then wake right back up seconds later, still thirsty. A sippy cup of almond milk has helped tremendously. I had no idea she was so hungry/thirsty, but many nights she sucks down the whole sippy cup of milk in one go!

 

This was key for us. My daughter needed drinks of water throughout the night from age 2 to 3 1/2. I could not believe how much she could drink. It helped me tremendously to be able to cut down the numerous feedings at night.

 

I have also used the technique of making it uncomfortable for the child to nurse (not in a bad way). Basically, when she wakes to nurse at night and latches on, after a few minutes, you turn your body from your side to mostly on your back, so that as she nods to sleep, she drops off and has to work a bit to get back on IYKWIM. Sometimes, they decide it's not worth all of that work and roll over to go back to sleep!

 

Oh, and my eldest daughter loves almond milk. I prefer oat milk, so you might want to pick up some of both to try....let her have it only as a special treat...then reserve it for those times at night when you need it.

 

Hang in there! This shall pass and you will sleep again someday! ;)

[Dustybug]

This was key for us. My daughter needed drinks of water throughout the night from age 2 to 3 1/2. I could not believe how much she could drink. It helped me tremendously to be able to cut down the numerous feedings at night.

 

I have also used the technique of making it uncomfortable for the child to nurse (not in a bad way). Basically, when she wakes to nurse at night and latches on, after a few minutes, you turn your body from your side to mostly on your back, so that as she nods to sleep, she drops off and has to work a bit to get back on IYKWIM. Sometimes, they decide it's not worth all of that work and roll over to go back to sleep!

 

Oh, and my eldest daughter loves almond milk. I prefer oat milk, so you might want to pick up some of both to try....let her have it only as a special treat...then reserve it for those times at night when you need it.

 

Hang in there! This shall pass and you will sleep again someday! ;)

 

I have tried the "make it uncomfortable" approach in the past and she would get really riled up and end up wide awake. I know that it will pass, I just hate making her so upset when the "solution" is so simple! I honestly wouldn't even mind still allowing her to nurse at night if it was only once or twice and then she would detach and go back to sleep rather than remaining connected the entire night.

Edited May 23, 2012 by Dustybug

[ktgrok]

I have tried the "make it uncomfortable" approach in the past and she would get really riled up and end up wide awake. I know that it will pass, I just hate making her so upset when the "solution" is so simple! I honestly wouldn't even still allowing her to nurse at night if it was only once or twice and then she would detach and go back to sleep rather than remaining connected the entire night.

 

Maybe that is the key. Instead of getting rid of nursing, shorten the time period? No, she won't like it, but it might be a lot easier than not nursing at all. You would nurse her, ,get her good and asleep, then lay her down. Repeat over and over. Or what works for me is to nurse, than walk her around, then lay her down. She only nurses about 5 minutes that way, then goes to sleep in my arms while I'm walking and then stays asleep, usually, when I lay her down.

[nova147]

Is she sleeping in a crib or in your bed? Just thinking solutions might be different depending on that.

[VeganCupcake]

I have tried the "make it uncomfortable" approach in the past and she would get really riled up and end up wide awake. I know that it will pass, I just hate making her so upset when the "solution" is so simple! I honestly wouldn't even still allowing her to nurse at night if it was only once or twice and then she would detach and go back to sleep rather than remaining connected the entire night.

 

I know the feeling. My DD was waking 8+ times a night at 18 months. What parent lives through that?!?!?! It was crazy. Finally I just had to go through the pain of nightweaning because it was preferable to the constant waking.

 

It will get better. Hang in there. But you have to be consistent about your no-nursing times and not give in, or she will protest for more days/weeks/months.

[joyfulhomeschooler]

We (or really I) just went through this with our 17 month old not long ago. NOTHING was working. I read every parentng baby sleep book I could get my hands on and talked to two pediatricians. Finally the only thing that ended up working was when we completely weaned him. I didn't want to do this, but being as I was pregnant and have preterm labor issues I had to anyways. It seemed that he was so used to his daytime nursings that he would wake at those times at night to nurse as well and then wanted to stay attatched all night. No problem if you can sleep that way... but for me, and sounds like you too, that doesn't work. The only other thing that seemed to have an effect was when we slowly decreased the nursing time at night. I think it was by a few minutes each night and that way he wasn't used to gettting his tummy full and then have it taken away and be starving because he was used to it. By doing it slowly he actually cried FAR less. If you think about yourself.... if you eat a meal at a certain time and then miss that meal by even a half hour your tummy is really hungry and you wouldn't bbe able to sleep either. That is kind of the way we looked at it. So we decreased night feedings gradually and that really helped until I could wean him completely. I know how frustrating and tiring and heartwrenching it is and my thoughts and prayers will be with you tonight. :grouphug:

[Ellie]

I dunno...if you're going to go cold turkey, then it seems to me that going in to pat her on the back and sing to her and whatever else isn't really helping. I'd be more inclined to make sure she ate a good dinner, try to nurse her sometime between dinner and bedtime, maybe give her a bath, and then put her to bed and walk away.

[Dustybug]

Is she sleeping in a crib or in your bed? Just thinking solutions might be different depending on that.

 

Well....she starts off the night in a playpen in our room. When I go to bed, she generally wakes up when I come in and that's when the all night nursing sessions would usually start. Her crib is also in our room, sidecarred to our bed so that I can attempt to slide her over into it if she ever detaches so that I can have more room in the bed. Most nights, she ends up just in the bed with me though.

 

We (or really I) just went through this with our 17 month old not long ago. NOTHING was working. I read every parentng baby sleep book I could get my hands on and talked to two pediatricians. Finally the only thing that ended up working was when we completely weaned him. I didn't want to do this, but being as I was pregnant and have preterm labor issues I had to anyways. It seemed that he was so used to his daytime nursings that he would wake at those times at night to nurse as well and then wanted to stay attatched all night. No problem if you can sleep that way... but for me, and sounds like you too, that doesn't work. The only other thing that seemed to have an effect was when we slowly decreased the nursing time at night. I think it was by a few minutes each night and that way he wasn't used to gettting his tummy full and then have it taken away and be starving because he was used to it. By doing it slowly he actually cried FAR less. If you think about yourself.... if you eat a meal at a certain time and then miss that meal by even a half hour your tummy is really hungry and you wouldn't bbe able to sleep either. That is kind of the way we looked at it. So we decreased night feedings gradually and that really helped until I could wean him completely. I know how frustrating and tiring and heartwrenching it is and my thoughts and prayers will be with you tonight. :grouphug:

 

I've thought of this too and I think is part of the reason it makes me feel bad. What if she is really hungry?? *sigh*

 

I'm getting ready to go to bed in a few. I'm hoping that tonight isn't a screamfest like the last two nights, because I don't think I can take that for very much longer.

[Dustybug]

I dunno...if you're going to go cold turkey, then it seems to me that going in to pat her on the back and sing to her and whatever else isn't really helping. I'd be more inclined to make sure she ate a good dinner, try to nurse her sometime between dinner and bedtime, maybe give her a bath, and then put her to bed and walk away.

 

She is still in our room. We only have two bedrooms and so to remove her from ours would mean putting her in with the older two. If she cried a lot (we don't really do "cry it out" if it escalates to more than a fuss), then ALL of the kids would be awake as well.

 

As far as the eating goes, I mentioned in a previous post that she doesn't eat much at all right now. A few bites here and there with the occasional good solid meal. It's been frustrating.

Edited May 23, 2012 by Dustybug

[LittleIzumi]

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: I didn't read the suggestions, just your OP. I actually just did that with my son about two months ago. He was MAD. Sooooooooo mad :lol: (I can laugh NOW...). It took him about a week to really accept it, but after the first three nights he settled down a bit more. The first night was the worst, then the next two nights were bad but he woke up less times (like 5 instead of 8?) to scream at me and shove me away before falling asleep on me, then by about a week he figured it out and would wake up a few times a night but would sleep on my chest. Now he will climb into my bed after a few hours (he's in a toddler bed next to ours) and just curl up next to or half on me and go back to sleep on his own. I taught him that he will get milk when it's light out, so sometimes he's sitting up at first light, pointing at the window and signing milk :lol: but I'm working on teaching him I mean actually LIGHT out.... Then he nurses and either falls back asleep for a little while anyway, or sits up and is ready for the day.

[LittleIzumi]

She is still in our room. We only have two bedrooms and so to remove her from ours would mean putting her in with the older two. If she cried a lot (we don't really do "cry it out" if it escalates to more than a fuss), then ALL of the kids would be awake as well.

 

As far as the eating goes, I mentioned in a previous post that she doesn't eat much at all right now. A few bites here and there with the occasional good solid meal. It's been frustrating.

 

Oh, oh! Ds would not eat more than a few bites for a couple of months before I nightweaned. When he wasn't at the all-night buffet, he was suddenly ravenous during the day, and now he eats solid food several times a day. He sleeps MUCH better if I stuff him with as much food as possible before bed, and now that he's not nursing all night he is agreeable to that.

[Slartibartfast]

Has she always nursed like that? Has she always wanted to stay connected all night or is this a phase?

 

Do you think she is getting molars? If it the reaction is that severe I would take a break and then try again.

 

My dd was like that, a lot of nursing not much food. Her night time nursing was the last she gave up. She stopped nursing during the day months before she stopped nursing at night.

[joyfulhomeschooler]

Oh, oh! Ds would not eat more than a few bites for a couple of months before I nightweaned. When he wasn't at the all-night buffet, he was suddenly ravenous during the day, and now he eats solid food several times a day. He sleeps MUCH better if I stuff him with as much food as possible before bed, and now that he's not nursing all night he is agreeable to that.

 

This was our experience too.. Ate much better meals after the night weaning.

[TengoFive]

Are you nursing her to sleep? Most of mine have slept better if I don't nurse them to sleep. Also, feeding her right before bed may help. I know she won't eat much, but try her favorite thing other than breastmilk. Oh, do you have a fan or other noisemaker in your room? Maybe she won't stir when you go to bed. Good luck...

[Joanne]

My nursing-centered, nursing-demanding child challenged many of my "attachment minded views."

 

Keep in mind if you go to this link that I nursed all my kids for years, not months. I slept next to them, put them in slings, and responded to their cries.

 

But sometimes, a child has a personality that requires different parenting.

 

http://goybparenting.com/morejo/?p=3

 

 

And, related:

 

http://goybparenting.com/?cat=10

[Ruby Rose]

There was no gradual weaning with my 2. I had to cut them off cold turkey at 22-23 months. The best advise I can give you is what worked for me. I taped "them" up with large band aids (the kind that seal on all 4 sides). I showed them that milk was all gone. They would still ask for it but I just kept repeating that and they gave up.

[maddykate]

I nursed each of our dc until they were two and a half. To cut back on the nighttime nursing, I would tell them they could nurse until I stopped singing. Then I would sing a few of their favorite songs. After the songs, I would say, "all done". The majority of the time, they could roll over and go to sleep beside me. It seemed like when I explained what I was going to do, they had time to process it and deal with it before I made them quit.

 

Good luck. I know it is a hard thing to do. :grouphug:

[gardenmom5]

I had two like this (both at various place on the autism/related spectrum) does she have any reflux? does she have sensory issues? I would assume there is something else going on that she's using nursing to comfort.

 

can you do a middle road where you hold/snuggle but NO nursing?

 

I had one who finally ended up accepting a bottle (he'd NEVER taken one before.) He was extremely particular about the nipples - had to be silicon orthodontic playtex. we had a middle ground where he'd hit me and scream at me as his signal he wanted a bottle. he eventually he was able to learn more appropriate means of communicating. He ended up with that bottle until he was five. I nursed the other one until he was 3 1/2 and I'd run screaming when he "looked" at me that way. they would both climb on my lap and 'pretend' to nurse for years after weaning. but ONLY those two. the other three didn't care.

Edited May 23, 2012 by gardenmom5

[Susan C.]

I hope you are having a good night. Are you saying she is asleep earlier, and when you come in later, she wakes and wants to nurse? If so, maybe a few nights on the couch to see if she goes through the night with you not coming in would do the trick?

[chepyl]

When DD was about 20 months, we wanted to get her put of our bed and night wean. We lived in a one bedroom loft apartment. We were about to move into a house where she would be In a separate room and we wanted to train her before that. We tried letting her cry one night, but she was in a pack n play at the foot of my bed, she could see that we were not asleep. We gave in.

 

We moved her pack n play across the room by her brother, included her in the bedtime story and songs. We put them in their beds and she slept theough the night, just needed a change in routine and scenery.

 

Pick a night that the whole family can loose sleep. Nothing to do early in the morning. And try putting her with the other kids. Talk to her about being in the big kid room. Make it a big deal and talk about how big kids stay inbed.....whatever you can think of. Let her pick a book and sing a new bedtime song.

 

If you really don't want to risk all the kids waking up, put her in the kitchen. Not ideal, but she wont remember when she is older. A few nights for training, then to the kids room!

[JessReplanted]

IMO, it's a battle of wills. I remember the battles when switching my babies from a bottle to a sippy cup. My youngest was the worst! After 3 days of refusing to take the cup, I stood up to put her to bed and she completely freaked out. I sat down with her again, handed her the cup, and she took it and gulped the whole thing down. :001_huh:

 

Your child can do this. You can do this!

[Annie Laurie]

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

I feel for you. I'm going through the same thing with my 18 month old. I tried to start night weaning him a couple of months ago but then he started cutting more teeth so I waited. Now all of his teeth except his 2 year molars are in, and he's the same as you described your dd- will nurse all night long and I haven't had a sold night's sleep since he was born.

 

So we just started Monday night. This time I'm sticking with it no matter what because he is old enough to sleep without nursing and it will benefit all of us when I'm more rested, and he feels better when he's more rested too. If I stop partway through again I think I just reinforce that when he cries enough and has enough fits I'll nurse him.

 

He is also having a hard time with it and I got about 3 hours sleep last night. But I know it will get better as we go along. He gets really angry when we can't nurse and kicks and thrashes around the bed and yells.

 

Last night at 5 a.m. he kept yelling eat so I did take him into the kitchen and gave him some cheerios and yogurt and water and he ate it up. He also eats very little during the day, he'd rather nurse than anything. So I do think he was hungry but I don't want to start a new pattern of getting up for a snack at night either. So I'm making it my goal to really work on him eating a lot during the day, and filling him up before bed. I can't force him to eat but I can make all his favorites and offer very frequently. He sometimes eats better if I give him a divided plate with lots of choices and if I let him graze while he plays.

 

This article made me feel a little better, because it really is hard saying no to something they simply find comforting and familiar. But I like how he says that baby will be angry but not scared, because they've had that foundation of being held and their needs answered so the trust is there.

 

http://drjaygordon.com/attachment/sleeppattern.html

 

I have not been able to follow Dr. Gordon's suggested pattern though, I can see how it's more gentle to be gradual but it seemed like it was confusing my baby to let him nurse a little and then unlatch him and say no until he fell asleep, he was very upset with that too. So I just made a no nursing in the bed anymore decision so it could be easy for him to understand. I tell him nursies are sleeping until the sun wakes up and then we nurse in the morning in the living room and not in the bed.

 

I hope you see some progress soon, I know how hard it is! I hope this long ramble of mine made sense, my mind isn't at the sharpest on little sleep.

 

Oh, one other thing I do is not tell him no about nursing during the day at any time since he's getting used to being told no at night and that is a hard enough adjustment for him for now. I want to fill his tank with nursing and cuddles as much as I can during the day.

Edited May 23, 2012 by Annie Laurie

[Dustybug]

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: I didn't read the suggestions, just your OP. I actually just did that with my son about two months ago. He was MAD. Sooooooooo mad :lol: (I can laugh NOW...). It took him about a week to really accept it, but after the first three nights he settled down a bit more. The first night was the worst, then the next two nights were bad but he woke up less times (like 5 instead of 8?) to scream at me and shove me away before falling asleep on me, then by about a week he figured it out and would wake up a few times a night but would sleep on my chest. Now he will climb into my bed after a few hours (he's in a toddler bed next to ours) and just curl up next to or half on me and go back to sleep on his own. I taught him that he will get milk when it's light out, so sometimes he's sitting up at first light, pointing at the window and signing milk :lol: but I'm working on teaching him I mean actually LIGHT out.... Then he nurses and either falls back asleep for a little while anyway, or sits up and is ready for the day.

 

I'm trying the "when it's light out" approach. So far, it's not working. I actually don't have a problem if she wants to nurse once it is 5-6AM, as I get up (if I get sleep at night) around 6:30-7AM and this allows for us to cuddle and nurse before beginning the daytime routine without impeding it. The first night, we made it until 5:44 before I let her nurse, the second night, it was 5:30. Last night it was 5:00.

 

She didn't scream last night like she did the previous two nights, but she was very fussy and crying off and on. She still would hardly allow me to hold her, rock her, etc. She took one drink out of the sippy cup and threw it down. She had a lovey with her all night.

 

 

 

Oh, oh! Ds would not eat more than a few bites for a couple of months before I nightweaned. When he wasn't at the all-night buffet, he was suddenly ravenous during the day, and now he eats solid food several times a day. He sleeps MUCH better if I stuff him with as much food as possible before bed, and now that he's not nursing all night he is agreeable to that.

 

This is promising. I'm hoping that something similar happens here if/when I can get her to stop at night.

 

Has she always nursed like that? Has she always wanted to stay connected all night or is this a phase?

 

Do you think she is getting molars? If it the reaction is that severe I would take a break and then try again.

 

My dd was like that, a lot of nursing not much food. Her night time nursing was the last she gave up. She stopped nursing during the day months before she stopped nursing at night.

 

No she hasn't always been like this, but it has been something that has fluctuated since she was born. At 3 months, she slept through the night for several weeks, only to suddenly start waking several times a night again. Since then, she's cycled from waking 3-4 times, but detaching and going back to sleep to nursing nonstop. This last stint has been going on for MONTHS though with no signs of her going back to only nursing the 3-4 times in sight.

 

Night nursing was the last to give up for my older two as well, but this one is different. Since she is nursing so much at night and I can't sleep, I'm having to switch it around. I'm not worried about her daytime nursing yet.

 

Are you nursing her to sleep? Most of mine have slept better if I don't nurse them to sleep. Also, feeding her right before bed may help. I know she won't eat much, but try her favorite thing other than breastmilk. Oh, do you have a fan or other noisemaker in your room? Maybe she won't stir when you go to bed. Good luck...

 

Yes and no. I do nurse her before I put her down. Sometimes she falls asleep, sometimes not. We do have a fan in our room that I turn on high every night before I put her down.

 

I had two like this (both at various place on the autism/related spectrum) does she have any reflux? does she have sensory issues? I would assume there is something else going on that she's using nursing to comfort.

 

can you do a middle road where you hold/snuggle but NO nursing?

 

I had one who finally ended up accepting a bottle (he'd NEVER taken one before.) He was extremely particular about the nipples - had to be silicon orthodontic playtex. we had a middle ground where he'd hit me and scream at me as his signal he wanted a bottle. he eventually he was able to learn more appropriate means of communicating. He ended up with that bottle until he was five. I nursed the other one until he was 3 1/2 and I'd run screaming when he "looked" at me that way. they would both climb on my lap and 'pretend' to nurse for years after weaning. but ONLY those two. the other three didn't care.

 

No reflux or sensory issues that I'm aware of or have seen signs of here.

I absolutely would go middle of the road with her and that's actually what I"ve been trying to do, but she freaks out if I try to cuddle her without nursing and starts having a huge meltdown. She's in the room with me, so I'm right there the whole time.

 

I hope you are having a good night. Are you saying she is asleep earlier, and when you come in later, she wakes and wants to nurse? If so, maybe a few nights on the couch to see if she goes through the night with you not coming in would do the trick?

 

Yes, I put her down between 7-8PM, sometimes earlier if she's tired. She will generally sleep from then until between 11PM-1AM without waking if I stay out of the room. She does sometimes wake up before I come to bed, but not usually. As soon as I walk in the room though, she pops up in her playpen like she has radar or something. :glare: I would try the couch, except that is where DH has been so that HE can sleep while we're doing this! lol That only leaves the floor.

[Dustybug]

My nursing-centered, nursing-demanding child challenged many of my "attachment minded views."

 

Keep in mind if you go to this link that I nursed all my kids for years, not months. I slept next to them, put them in slings, and responded to their cries.

 

But sometimes, a child has a personality that requires different parenting.

 

http://goybparenting.com/morejo/?p=3

 

 

And, related:

 

http://goybparenting.com/?cat=10

 

Thanks for the links. I actually agree with much of what you've written. I'm a mix between an AP parent and a more firm parent so it makes total sense to me. I'm just generally more relaxed at this age about nursing. This particular child is not strong willed at any other time though. She is actually quite compliant.

 

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

 

I feel for you. I'm going through the same thing with my 18 month old. I tried to start night weaning him a couple of months ago but then he started cutting more teeth so I waited. Now all of his teeth except his 2 year molars are in, and he's the same as you described your dd- will nurse all night long and I haven't had a sold night's sleep since he was born.

 

So we just started Monday night. This time I'm sticking with it no matter what because he is old enough to sleep without nursing and it will benefit all of us when I'm more rested, and he feels better when he's more rested too. If I stop partway through again I think I just reinforce that when he cries enough and has enough fits I'll nurse him.

 

He is also having a hard time with it and I got about 3 hours sleep last night. But I know it will get better as we go along. He gets really angry when we can't nurse and kicks and thrashes around the bed and yells.

 

Last night at 5 a.m. he kept yelling eat so I did take him into the kitchen and gave him some cheerios and yogurt and water and he ate it up. He also eats very little during the day, he'd rather nurse than anything. So I do think he was hungry but I don't want to start a new pattern of getting up for a snack at night either. So I'm making it my goal to really work on him eating a lot during the day, and filling him up before bed. I can't force him to eat but I can make all his favorites and offer very frequently. He sometimes eats better if I give him a divided plate with lots of choices and if I let him graze while he plays.

 

This article made me feel a little better, because it really is hard saying no to something they simply find comforting and familiar. But I like how he says that baby will be angry but not scared, because they've had that foundation of being held and their needs answered so the trust is there.

 

http://drjaygordon.com/attachment/sleeppattern.html

 

I have not been able to follow Dr. Gordon's suggested pattern though, I can see how it's more gentle to be gradual but it seemed like it was confusing my baby to let him nurse a little and then unlatch him and say no until he fell asleep, he was very upset with that too. So I just made a no nursing in the bed anymore decision so it could be easy for him to understand. I tell him nursies are sleeping until the sun wakes up and then we nurse in the morning in the living room and not in the bed.

 

I hope you see some progress soon, I know how hard it is! I hope this long ramble of mine made sense, my mind isn't at the sharpest on little sleep.

 

Oh, one other thing I do is not tell him no about nursing during the day at any time since he's getting used to being told no at night and that is a hard enough adjustment for him for now. I want to fill his tank with nursing and cuddles as much as I can during the day.

 

 

I am familiar with Dr. Jay Gordon and used his approach with my DS, but when I made my first attempt at night weaning this one, like you said, it seemed confusing to her.

 

I also allow her to nurse whenever she asks during the day unless I'm in the middle of cooking or something that I can't easily stop at the time.

 

It's good to know I'm not the only one going through this right now! I pretty much didn't sleep at all last night except when I finally allowed her to nurse at 5AM this morning.

[Annie Laurie]

My nursing-centered, nursing-demanding child challenged many of my "attachment minded views."

 

Keep in mind if you go to this link that I nursed all my kids for years, not months. I slept next to them, put them in slings, and responded to their cries.

 

But sometimes, a child has a personality that requires different parenting.

 

http://goybparenting.com/morejo/?p=3

 

 

And, related:

 

http://goybparenting.com/?cat=10

 

Joanne, I've been digesting these links since yesterday and appreciate you posting them. I definitely had a light bulb moment, I do have a high-needs child but I can see where I could handle some things differently to the benefit of both of us. One thing I have realized is that my toddler needs a lot of structure and predictability, more than my other toddlers did.

[Annie Laurie]

 

I am familiar with Dr. Jay Gordon and used his approach with my DS, but when I made my first attempt at night weaning this one, like you said, it seemed confusing to her.

 

I also allow her to nurse whenever she asks during the day unless I'm in the middle of cooking or something that I can't easily stop at the time.

 

It's good to know I'm not the only one going through this right now! I pretty much didn't sleep at all last night except when I finally allowed her to nurse at 5AM this morning.

 

How's it going? I was shocked last night that my little one slept in his crib from 8:30 p.m. to 6:15 p.m. I got 7 hours of uninterrupted sleep, the most I've had in 18 months. I'm hoping that if I stick with the same sleep and wake times and follow the same routines every day he will stick with this. I'm starting to realize how much activity and routine my baby needs and getting more sleep is going to benefit him too.

 

Posting this in the hopes that it's encouraging. (Knowing my little guy he will not repeat that tonight, but I know he can do it now and will not be letting him nurse at night no matter what.)

[Dustybug]

How's it going? I was shocked last night that my little one slept in his crib from 8:30 p.m. to 6:15 p.m. I got 7 hours of uninterrupted sleep, the most I've had in 18 months. I'm hoping that if I stick with the same sleep and wake times and follow the same routines every day he will stick with this. I'm starting to realize how much activity and routine my baby needs and getting more sleep is going to benefit him too.

 

Posting this in the hopes that it's encouraging. (Knowing my little guy he will not repeat that tonight, but I know he can do it now and will not be letting him nurse at night no matter what.)

 

 

Thanks for checking in! I just saw your message. It's been going so-so. I caved on night 5 when she screamed so hard and long that she went hoarse and even though I was right there with her, she would get completely worked up when I would try to comfort her in any way. We have had 3 nights though where she slept all night until about 6:00 or so and she seems to not wake up as soon as I walk in the bedroom now. I guess whether I want to or not, we're taking a more relaxed approach. :glare: