Stay at job you hate in order to provide vs. doing what you love

[JLocke41]

My friend and I got into an interesting discussion about this topic. He emailed me these two links.

 

http://news.stanford.edu/news/2005/june15/jobs-061505.html

http://briankim.net/blog/2006/07/how-to-find-what-you-love-to-do/

 

I didn't even know Jobs gave that speech!

 

Anyways, he was saying how he was thinking of quitting his job that he absolutely hates in pursuit of either going in another field+position he loves or starting his own business doing what he loves.

 

I told him when you're a parent, your kids are your first priority and that you should provide for them first and foremost. It would be selfish of him to do what he wants over his family.

 

Then he said something that kind of took me off guard. He said:

 

"But what kind of example am I setting for my kids by playing it safe?"

 

I kind of didn't know what to say and then he said that when his kids grow up, they have to take risks. It's a different world for them now and playing it safe will not work out.

 

I think he made a good point so I compromised with him and said it's ok to go for it IF you talk it over with your wife and IF you have saved up at least 1 year worth of expenses. He's a pretty frugal guy with no cc debt or car loan and he rents, plus he's a Dave Ramsey fan so I'm sure he's either on his way or has 1 year expenses.

 

Have any of you struggled with this?

 

What did you do? Stay in the job you hate to provide for your family or go for something you love? If you ditched your job, how did it turn out? Were you eating hand to mouth or were you able to recoup most of your income?

Edited May 21, 2012 by JLocke41

[jennynd]

There are so many different ways to look at it. I will play safe and pick a job that pays. I am doing that now. U can argue that what example I set to my children. But, 1st, they don't have to know. 2nd, if I pick what I love but take a risk that my kid might not have next meal, what irresponsible example that I am setting for my kids?

[Tap]

I am staying at my job for financial security reasons. I hate my job, and work as few hours as I can to keep my benefits. I wish it were different, but it is what it is.

 

Dh started an insurance company for security reasons. He was in sales and the world was too volatile right now.

[JLocke41]

There are so many different ways to look at it. I will play safe and pick a job that pays. I am doing that now. U can argue that what example I set to my children. But, 1st, they don't have to know. 2nd, if I pick what I love but take a risk that my kid might not have next meal, what irresponsible example that I am setting for my kids?

Part of the reason why he wants to quit is that he can't help but bring the stress of work home and it affects his home life and his kids. I can understand how that would be a problem. Totally agree with you on the irresponsible example of not having food for the kids. That's why I said he should have 1 year of expenses (and he should also set a deadline too. If he doesn't make x amount of money by this date, he's going back to his field).

[dirty ethel rackham]

I agree with you on this. If you have a family to support, that is the first priority. His concern about not setting a good example is misplaced. The example being set is how to be a responsible person, how to delay gratification and have the priorities in order.

 

Now, if the new venture has a reasonable chance of improving the lot of the family, then it might be worth it provided that there is enough savings to live on.

 

While Jobs' words are inspiring, he is not exactly a stellar example of being a good provider and having his priorities in order. His relationship with first daughter (both as far as being a father and being a provider) is certainly not one I would want my kids to follow.

[LaxMom]

There's a big difference between having all your ducks in a row and only then taking a risk vs. taking a risk carelessly and Fedexing yourself and your family to financial ruin.

 

The first is what my parents are doing right now. It's not easy, but the long terms payoffs will be incredible.

 

Yup. I don't think the options a mutually exclusive.

[happyhomemaker]

My dad worked in a job that he didn't like when I was a kid. I knew he did it for us, and I felt really loved that he had sacrificed so much for us. I saw him as being responsible and loving. It never occurred to me to think poorly of him because he did not risk our family's financial well-being for his own dreams.

 

I agree that this is something you should only do with a lot of planning and savings at hand. One other consideration is that this *is* a different job market than it used to be. Can your friend really leave his job for a year, fail at something else, and then be guaranteed a job in his old field when the year is up? It might be harder than he thinks to get a job again even doing what he currently does. In many fields, when someone quits, people line up to fill that position. Maybe dh's last brush with unemployment (a year and a half) makes it hard for me to be objective, but to me throwing a stable job away to chase a dream is the last thing I would want to teach my kids in this economy.

[JLocke41]

My dad worked in a job that he didn't like when I was a kid. I knew he did it for us, and I felt really loved that he had sacrificed so much for us. I saw him as being responsible and loving. It never occurred to me to think poorly of him because he did not risk our family's financial well-being for his own dreams.

 

I agree that this is something you should only do with a lot of planning and savings at hand. One other consideration is that this *is* a different job market than it used to be. Can your friend really leave his job for a year, fail at something else, and then be guaranteed a job in his old field when the year is up? It might be harder than he thinks to get a job again even doing what he currently does. In many fields, when someone quits, people line up to fill that position. Maybe dh's last brush with unemployment (a year and a half) makes it hard for me to be objective, but to me throwing a stable job away to chase a dream is the last thing I would want to teach my kids in this economy.

Good points! I'll be sure to tell them to him. I don't know if his kids view it the same way you did. He's not the most pleasant person when he gets home...

[JLocke41]

Looks like so far everyone has played it safe. I was just wondering if anybody went the other way and how it went (or know somebody who did) Curious to hear those stories.

[Happy]

I've followed my heart passions all my life....and I've made a bit of money, but certainly not enough to support us. I never became famous/wrote the best sellers/had the big breakthrough I figure I would. If I'd just taken even a boring part time job our financial condition would be much improved today. ;)

 

If the guy is a Dave Ramsey fan, he's heard Dave talk about Jon Acuff's book, Quitter. It's not a book that recommends jumping off the cliff and building your wings on the way down. If I remember correctly, he recommends doing the real job first, then adding a part time passion to the mix. Build, build, build until the part time passion has gained ground enough to support the family.

 

Dh and I want to 'retire' as real estate professionals. Currently he is a pilot/director of ops in a stressful job. Our original 'three year plan' (why do I hear the theme song from Gilligan's Island when I say that????) was to let me start building and he join me in three or four years. Unfortunately my health took a hit this spring. So...we are looking at maybe four or so years before he can truly join me. We'll see...

 

When you have a family, you don't get to do every thing your heart wants, but there is time if you work hard...

[Tarreymere]

Well, dh has a job he loves that is in social work and pays peanuts. I had a job I had a love/hate thing going with (nursing, loved the patients but hated the hospital admin) that I quit to stay home with the kids. We are never going to be affluent on dh's income :D

 

 

In fact, we live pretty much paycheck to paycheck. We can afford some small luxuries like the internet, and we aren't starving but we do have to practice some pretty careful economizing. It won't ever get any better, because dh just doesn't want to do anything other than what he is already doing and he is never going to make any more money than he does (we are officially poor, according to most standards). Unfortunately, instead of being miserable about this or feeling regret over our choices we are actually really happy. Dh has a joy about him and is passionate about his work. I'm not so thrilled to hand wash my dishes, but I thank God every day that I get to wake up to spend the day with my children. We live in a trailer, but in such a beautiful park surrounded by woods and on the shore of a small lake and everything is so green and so lovely that it is hard to remember that we're supposed to feel deprived.

 

I guess that if you have a reasonable chance of surviving at a level that is acceptable to you and your family you ought to follow your heart. If you are going to be a miserable grump over not being able to afford a certain standard of living and it is going to eat at you every single day, then for heaven's sake don't do it!

[Mommyof4ks]

I think you and he came to a good compromise. If he has money set aside and a plan to get back into the workforce doing whatever he must should his dream not come true, then I see no harm in taking a risk. I know people who have done just that, and it has worked out well, and others who have had to go back to their old field, but no one is on the street and their kids are well cared for.

[happyhomemaker]

Would he just need to start at an entry level position in this new area and work his way up or does he need further education which would land him a decent paying job at the end? Education can be done a little at a time. Maybe he would feel better taking a few classes and knowing he is working toward his dream slowly but surely.

[Paintedlady]

You do both. It's pretty hard to turn a profit right away at a new business or if you're switching fields, you're usually taking a big pay cut. The only answer that made sense for us was for dh to do both at the same time.

 

It's very difficult, but this way allows us to continue making a comfortable living (not high on the hog AT ALL) while dh builds his business doing something he loves. There is a lot of sacrifice and we have to struggle to find time together as a family, but we're making it work.

 

We're 3 years into the business and hoping that by year 5 dh can leave his old job behind.

[PrincessMommy]

My friend and I got into an interesting discussion about this topic. He emailed me these two links.

 

http://news.stanford.edu/news/2005/june15/jobs-061505.html

http://briankim.net/blog/2006/07/how-to-find-what-you-love-to-do/

 

I didn't even know Jobs gave that speech!

 

Anyways, he was saying how he was thinking of quitting his job that he absolutely hates in pursuit of either going in another field+position he loves or starting his own business doing what he loves.

 

I told him when you're a parent, your kids are your first priority and that you should provide for them first and foremost. It would be selfish of him to do what he wants over his family.

 

Then he said something that kind of took me off guard. He said:

 

"But what kind of example am I setting for my kids by playing it safe?"

 

I kind of didn't know what to say and then he said that when his kids grow up, they have to take risks. It's a different world for them now and playing it safe will not work out.

 

I think he made a good point so I compromised with him and said it's ok to go for it IF you talk it over with your wife and IF you have saved up at least 1 year worth of expenses. He's a pretty frugal guy with no cc debt or car loan and he rents, plus he's a Dave Ramsey fan so I'm sure he's either on his way or has 1 year expenses.

 

Have any of you struggled with this?

 

What did you do? Stay in the job you hate to provide for your family or go for something you love? If you ditched your job, how did it turn out? Were you eating hand to mouth or were you able to recoup most of your income?

 

I agree with you. The example he is giving is that he will do what it takes to provide a home and food for his children. It's not always an either/or situation. Does what someone love doing mean they must give up a secure job right away... is it an all or nothing option? Does it have to be forever??? Can't it just be for a season while the person properly prepares for such things?

 

I just finished reading a book along these lines. The author was doing a job - although I dont' think he said he hated it, but he didn't like it. He was in debt (50K) and ended up living with wife and 4 kids in his parents basement in order realize his dream of being a writer. Seriously???!! I just couldn't respect the author because, to me, it looked terribly selfish. It's one thing if he were on his own - or just he and his wife - but 4 kids... in his parents basement AND 50K in debt and he wasn't going to do all he could to provide for his family???? The book was a lot of him sitting around belly-button gazing wondering how much faith he had in God or taking this "leap of faith"? UGH, that just irritated me more. :glare: I think he could have had a boring day job and then taken other times to write. Plenty of authors do it that way.

 

Anyway, he did end up making a living (after a while), but it's not like he's Steven King or JK Rowlings.

[*LC]

I'm not sure our situation is an exact match, but we took this type of risk a number of years ago. I think most people would say it turned out well financially.

 

My husband always had an interest in working for himself. In fact, I remember this interest made our parents nervous when we were first married. My parents had a Christmas party once, and my dad made a point of keeping his childhood friend, who had quit a stable job to start a business that became successful, away from my husband the entire party.

 

A few years later my husband was working as a computer guy for a large company that was employing a lot of contractors to install a new software system. My husband learned the new system, and he decided to hire himself out as a contractor to other companies installing this software.

 

On paper it looked crazy to leave a good job, with a good company, where he made good money for something that was suppose to last a year and required full-time travel. (In fact, he left 11 months before his profit-sharing plan vested.) That first project was cancelled after just three months, so it looked bad at that point. However, he found another contract almost immediately after that. We knew this lifestyle was temporary, and we never changed how we lived. We saved the additional money. We only had mortgage debt when we started contracted, and we were able to pay that off with the additional money.

 

The plan was to do this for as long as his skills were in demand. Our only child at the time was 1; we figured he would do this until that child reached kindergarten age. He built such a name for himself in his industry that the demand didn't stop, and he continued with contract work until his death 10 years later. I know the money we saved made it possible for me to continue to stay home and homeschool our then much larger family after my husband's death. I don't know if I would have been able to do that if he had played it safe, but I don't know if we would have felt we could have affored so many kids if he had stayed at the job. So, our situation is not typical.

 

However, the worry about unemployment is nothing new. When we were on the fence about making this risky change in our lives, my husband's company/department held some kind of meeting. I don't remember what the purpose of the meeting was, but they announced they would need to lay off 30% of the workforce in some time period that I don't remember. My husband said, "I looked to my right and to my left, and I realized that meant either I or one of those two guys would not have a job after the layoffs." That is the story he told our parents when we told them the change we were making. My dad had been in the military for a number of years before going to work for a large company, that he still worked for at that time. My fil had retired for the military, before opening his own carpet company in his hometown. They didn't understand not retiring from the same company where you started work.

 

Contracting fit my husband much better than being a 9-5 employee ever did. So, I think he was happier there. He was able to work 4 days a week, so he could have more weekend time with the kids. The financial advantage allowed him to think about quiting the contracting business and going into a different field, however, he never got a chance to do that.

 

Having said all that, your friend does need to make sure he has his financial house and business plan in order before making a risky change.

[Rosie_0801]

Looks like so far everyone has played it safe. I was just wondering if anybody went the other way and how it went (or know somebody who did) Curious to hear those stories.

 

Yeah, dh has swapped industries a couple of times. It worked out for us because:

 

1. My father hated his job so I've had plenty of experience living with that kind of bitterness; enough that I'm willing to make a certain amount of sacrifices so dh can be reasonably happy at work.

 

2. Our social security system doesn't time out for unemployment benefits as it does in the US (as far as I can tell from reading here.)

 

3. The kids were babies. I was completely sleep deprived. It didn't matter that I could hardly ever afford to go anywhere because I was too tired to want to most of the time.

 

4. The most affluent I have ever felt was when I was working in a shop. When you feel rich on the minimum wage, cutting corners feel like normal life rather than traumatic deprivation. Something you grumble about, not something that keeps you awake panicking, night after night.

 

I guess that if you have a reasonable chance of surviving at a level that is acceptable to you and your family you ought to follow your heart.

 

:iagree:

 

Rosie

[meggie]

My husband is at a job he absolutely loathes. He goes there for us. It would be much easier for him to quit and find something else but after 18 months of unemployment, we're just grateful we can pay the bills. After a few months of the soul sucking job, I told him to just quit. We could find something else. It wasn't worth making him so miserable. He wouldn't. He stuck with it.

 

He's trying to launch his own career in the film world. It's a tough industry, but he's doing it on the side. I can't say too much, but things are starting to look up. It's a very exciting time. We're hoping we can get enough funding so that he only has to work part time at the job, then be able to devote more hours to film projects. And then once we have enough saved, he can quit the devil job and work full time on film. *fingers crossed*

[TheReader]

We have a rule in our family: no quitting one job w/o another one lined up already (as in, you are already hired, not "oh, I think I can get on at....").

 

Providing for the kids is top priority. Doing what I love is second. The way we look at --- what example am I setting my kids/are we setting our kids if we show them that we can shirk or responsibility just because we don't like what we are doing? If we show them that it's okay to pursue what makes me happy with no regard for making sure needs are met first?

 

Now, if, like you say we had a year of savings that might be different. But, no, IMO, responsibility comes before pleasure.

[plansrme]

Fedexing yourself and your family to financial ruin.

 

Best. Quote. Ever

 

That is all.

 

Terri

[ma23peas]

He's rationalizing selfish pursuits...what he should have done is wait to have children before he finds 'his dreams'...now that he has them, their needs and 'wants' come first...sorry fella.

 

Now, I do believe in a God that wants to fulfill desires of the heart....He will provide but He is looking for the heart for Him not the heart for self...sounds like this guy is full on a heart for his personal happiness than the security of his family...not a good place to be.

[PrincessMommy]

We have a rule in our family: no quitting one job w/o another one lined up already (as in, you are already hired, not "oh, I think I can get on at....").

 

Providing for the kids is top priority. Doing what I love is second. The way we look at --- what example am I setting my kids/are we setting our kids if we show them that we can shirk or responsibility just because we don't like what we are doing? If we show them that it's okay to pursue what makes me happy with no regard for making sure needs are met first?

 

Now, if, like you say we had a year of savings that might be different. But, no, IMO, responsibility comes before pleasure.

 

:iagree:

[mytwomonkeys]

we went through this when my daughter was a just a baby. we decided to pursue my husband's heart over what seemed sensible, but honestly, we really didn't do it with tons of risks. i continued to work full-time while my husband went to school full-time and found a part time job in his desired field making an entry level wage (he left his hated job with excellent benefits and reasonable salary to do this). then he eventually went on full-time at his part time position & i was able to quit my job when my son was born. this could have been a disaster certainly, but we are grateful it worked out perfectly. yes, money was very tight for a while but we survived and learned to stretch a dollar. he has since remained in his field and grown leaps and bounds.

[JLocke41]

I do some career counseling/resume writing and I hear his kind of thinking from clients once in a while. Usually it's a young person who simply doesn't have a lot of life experience to know that no job is all all pros and no cons, all inspiration and no drudgery, all joy and no sacrifice.

 

Not to say that's your friend's position; he may certainly know better than that. But when you're in that "time to make the donuts" mode day after boring day, it's easy to assume that another job--a different job--will be oh-so wonderful.

 

Does he have a career target or business in mind? Has he done some research to assure himself (and his wife) that he could be successful?

 

He doesn't have to toil away uninspired forever, but a big change requires time. Time to plan, time to save, time to research, time to convince the wife that it's a good idea . . . And framing the proposal as "I need to take financial risks to be a good example for my kids" wouldn't fly in this house.

 

I agree with the pp who said it's not an either/or. He can provide for his family AND pursue a great career. THAT would be an awesome example.

I agree! You give wise advice. I think I just perceived him going into this thing fast because he was so animated but I'm pretty sure he's going to plan it out, do research and all that. I guess our conversation was kind of a heat of the moment/passion kind of thing.

[JLocke41]

I've followed my heart passions all my life....and I've made a bit of money, but certainly not enough to support us. I never became famous/wrote the best sellers/had the big breakthrough I figure I would. If I'd just taken even a boring part time job our financial condition would be much improved today. ;)

 

If the guy is a Dave Ramsey fan, he's heard Dave talk about Jon Acuff's book, Quitter. It's not a book that recommends jumping off the cliff and building your wings on the way down. If I remember correctly, he recommends doing the real job first, then adding a part time passion to the mix. Build, build, build until the part time passion has gained ground enough to support the family.

 

Dh and I want to 'retire' as real estate professionals. Currently he is a pilot/director of ops in a stressful job. Our original 'three year plan' (why do I hear the theme song from Gilligan's Island when I say that????) was to let me start building and he join me in three or four years. Unfortunately my health took a hit this spring. So...we are looking at maybe four or so years before he can truly join me. We'll see...

 

When you have a family, you don't get to do every thing your heart wants, but there is time if you work hard...

Congrats on going for your dream though! I think not a lot of people get to experience that. Will let him know about that book if he doesn't know already.

[JLocke41]

Well, dh has a job he loves that is in social work and pays peanuts. I had a job I had a love/hate thing going with (nursing, loved the patients but hated the hospital admin) that I quit to stay home with the kids. We are never going to be affluent on dh's income :D

 

 

In fact, we live pretty much paycheck to paycheck. We can afford some small luxuries like the internet, and we aren't starving but we do have to practice some pretty careful economizing. It won't ever get any better, because dh just doesn't want to do anything other than what he is already doing and he is never going to make any more money than he does (we are officially poor, according to most standards). Unfortunately, instead of being miserable about this or feeling regret over our choices we are actually really happy. Dh has a joy about him and is passionate about his work. I'm not so thrilled to hand wash my dishes, but I thank God every day that I get to wake up to spend the day with my children. We live in a trailer, but in such a beautiful park surrounded by woods and on the shore of a small lake and everything is so green and so lovely that it is hard to remember that we're supposed to feel deprived.

 

I guess that if you have a reasonable chance of surviving at a level that is acceptable to you and your family you ought to follow your heart. If you are going to be a miserable grump over not being able to afford a certain standard of living and it is going to eat at you every single day, then for heaven's sake don't do it!

Wow! Such an interesting perspective from someone of the other side. It's very good food for thought :)

[JLocke41]

I think you and he came to a good compromise. If he has money set aside and a plan to get back into the workforce doing whatever he must should his dream not come true, then I see no harm in taking a risk. I know people who have done just that, and it has worked out well, and others who have had to go back to their old field, but no one is on the street and their kids are well cared for.

That's GREAT to hear!

[JLocke41]

Would he just need to start at an entry level position in this new area and work his way up or does he need further education which would land him a decent paying job at the end? Education can be done a little at a time. Maybe he would feel better taking a few classes and knowing he is working toward his dream slowly but surely.

He would probably need to take a few classes, read some books, and practice on his own for an entry level position. Slow and steady wins the race right :)

[Catwoman]

I think it is extremely selfish to "do what you love" at the expense of being able to provide for your family.

[JLocke41]

You do both. It's pretty hard to turn a profit right away at a new business or if you're switching fields, you're usually taking a big pay cut. The only answer that made sense for us was for dh to do both at the same time.

 

It's very difficult, but this way allows us to continue making a comfortable living (not high on the hog AT ALL) while dh builds his business doing something he loves. There is a lot of sacrifice and we have to struggle to find time together as a family, but we're making it work.

 

We're 3 years into the business and hoping that by year 5 dh can leave his old job behind.

Congratulations! It's nice to hear somebody actually doing this and making it all work. I hope year 5 comes soon :)

[JLocke41]

I agree with you. The example he is giving is that he will do what it takes to provide a home and food for his children. It's not always an either/or situation. Does what someone love doing mean they must give up a secure job right away... is it an all or nothing option? Does it have to be forever??? Can't it just be for a season while the person properly prepares for such things?

 

I just finished reading a book along these lines. The author was doing a job - although I dont' think he said he hated it, but he didn't like it. He was in debt (50K) and ended up living with wife and 4 kids in his parents basement in order realize his dream of being a writer. Seriously???!! I just couldn't respect the author because, to me, it looked terribly selfish. It's one thing if he were on his own - or just he and his wife - but 4 kids... in his parents basement AND 50K in debt and he wasn't going to do all he could to provide for his family???? The book was a lot of him sitting around belly-button gazing wondering how much faith he had in God or taking this "leap of faith"? UGH, that just irritated me more. :glare: I think he could have had a boring day job and then taken other times to write. Plenty of authors do it that way.

 

Anyway, he did end up making a living (after a while), but it's not like he's Steven King or JK Rowlings.

Wow...50k debt, parents basement, 4 kids...I have no words for this...:( I hope he and his family thought it was worth it...

[regentrude]

I consider working in a job that one loves extremely important for life satisfaction, and this is one of the things we try to really instill into the kids: work hard, find a passion, try to get a job that you look forward to on most days. We model this for our kids. Both DH and I have jobs we love, and among our friends we are surrounded by people who also work jobs they love. There may be more lucrative options, but as long as you can live, I consider it better to do the loved job as opposed to a hated one for more money.

We see education as the ticket to having this option, this choice; that is our goal for our children.

I find that the happiest people are the ones who do what they love, and this attitude radiates into the whole family. I find it important for children to grow up with parents who enjoy their work. (It does not matter what the nature of this work is)

 

So, I would FIRST try to work in a field that gives me satisfaction and THEN bring a family into the mix.

Edited May 25, 2012 by regentrude

[JLocke41]

I'm not sure our situation is an exact match, but we took this type of risk a number of years ago. I think most people would say it turned out well financially.

 

My husband always had an interest in working for himself. In fact, I remember this interest made our parents nervous when we were first married. My parents had a Christmas party once, and my dad made a point of keeping his childhood friend, who had quit a stable job to start a business that became successful, away from my husband the entire party.

 

A few years later my husband was working as a computer guy for a large company that was employing a lot of contractors to install a new software system. My husband learned the new system, and he decided to hire himself out as a contractor to other companies installing this software.

 

On paper it looked crazy to leave a good job, with a good company, where he made good money for something that was suppose to last a year and required full-time travel. (In fact, he left 11 months before his profit-sharing plan vested.) That first project was cancelled after just three months, so it looked bad at that point. However, he found another contract almost immediately after that. We knew this lifestyle was temporary, and we never changed how we lived. We saved the additional money. We only had mortgage debt when we started contracted, and we were able to pay that off with the additional money.

 

The plan was to do this for as long as his skills were in demand. Our only child at the time was 1; we figured he would do this until that child reached kindergarten age. He built such a name for himself in his industry that the demand didn't stop, and he continued with contract work until his death 10 years later. I know the money we saved made it possible for me to continue to stay home and homeschool our then much larger family after my husband's death. I don't know if I would have been able to do that if he had played it safe, but I don't know if we would have felt we could have affored so many kids if he had stayed at the job. So, our situation is not typical.

 

However, the worry about unemployment is nothing new. When we were on the fence about making this risky change in our lives, my husband's company/department held some kind of meeting. I don't remember what the purpose of the meeting was, but they announced they would need to lay off 30% of the workforce in some time period that I don't remember. My husband said, "I looked to my right and to my left, and I realized that meant either I or one of those two guys would not have a job after the layoffs." That is the story he told our parents when we told them the change we were making. My dad had been in the military for a number of years before going to work for a large company, that he still worked for at that time. My fil had retired for the military, before opening his own carpet company in his hometown. They didn't understand not retiring from the same company where you started work.

 

Contracting fit my husband much better than being a 9-5 employee ever did. So, I think he was happier there. He was able to work 4 days a week, so he could have more weekend time with the kids. The financial advantage allowed him to think about quiting the contracting business and going into a different field, however, he never got a chance to do that.

 

Having said all that, your friend does need to make sure he has his financial house and business plan in order before making a risky change.

Thank you for sharing your story! I'm sorry to hear about your husbands passing :( It was nice to see though how his work decision would continue to help you and your family. Definitely getting financial house and business plan in order is a must before he does anything.

 

I have to say that after my friend's conversation and all the stories here, the appeal of doing what I've always wanted is becoming more and more desirable.

[JLocke41]

Yeah, dh has swapped industries a couple of times. It worked out for us because:

 

1. My father hated his job so I've had plenty of experience living with that kind of bitterness; enough that I'm willing to make a certain amount of sacrifices so dh can be reasonably happy at work.

 

2. Our social security system doesn't time out for unemployment benefits as it does in the US (as far as I can tell from reading here.)

 

3. The kids were babies. I was completely sleep deprived. It didn't matter that I could hardly ever afford to go anywhere because I was too tired to want to most of the time.

 

4. The most affluent I have ever felt was when I was working in a shop. When you feel rich on the minimum wage, cutting corners feel like normal life rather than traumatic deprivation. Something you grumble about, not something that keeps you awake panicking, night after night.

 

 

 

:iagree:

 

Rosie

Interesting experience! Especially #4. Def a new way of looking at things.

[JLocke41]

My husband is at a job he absolutely loathes. He goes there for us. It would be much easier for him to quit and find something else but after 18 months of unemployment, we're just grateful we can pay the bills. After a few months of the soul sucking job, I told him to just quit. We could find something else. It wasn't worth making him so miserable. He wouldn't. He stuck with it.

 

He's trying to launch his own career in the film world. It's a tough industry, but he's doing it on the side. I can't say too much, but things are starting to look up. It's a very exciting time. We're hoping we can get enough funding so that he only has to work part time at the job, then be able to devote more hours to film projects. And then once we have enough saved, he can quit the devil job and work full time on film. *fingers crossed*

Sounds like a great plan! It looks like working on the side can "counter" the crappiness of the job :)

[JLocke41]

We have a rule in our family: no quitting one job w/o another one lined up already (as in, you are already hired, not "oh, I think I can get on at....").

 

Providing for the kids is top priority. Doing what I love is second. The way we look at --- what example am I setting my kids/are we setting our kids if we show them that we can shirk or responsibility just because we don't like what we are doing? If we show them that it's okay to pursue what makes me happy with no regard for making sure needs are met first?

 

Now, if, like you say we had a year of savings that might be different. But, no, IMO, responsibility comes before pleasure.

Agree. Def get everything in order before making the big change.

[regentrude]

Providing for the kids is top priority. Doing what I love is second. The way we look at --- what example am I setting my kids/are we setting our kids if we show them that we can shirk or responsibility just because we don't like what we are doing?

 

Why do the two things have to be exclusive?

I want to set the example that I can provide for my family AND love what I am doing. I consider it extremely important that children see their parents enjoying work.

[JLocke41]

we went through this when my daughter was a just a baby. we decided to pursue my husband's heart over what seemed sensible, but honestly, we really didn't do it with tons of risks. i continued to work full-time while my husband went to school full-time and found a part time job in his desired field making an entry level wage (he left his hated job with excellent benefits and reasonable salary to do this). then he eventually went on full-time at his part time position & i was able to quit my job when my son was born. this could have been a disaster certainly, but we are grateful it worked out perfectly. yes, money was very tight for a while but we survived and learned to stretch a dollar. he has since remained in his field and grown leaps and bounds.

Wow! That's sounds like a nice happy ending :) I applaud you for supporting your husband in that decision. Not sure many other wives would.

[squirtymomma]

My husband's just made the switch. I was all for it, but must admit that it was harder on us than I expected.

 

He was a computer engineer at IBM, and had a good career for 11ish years, but he was getting restless. He always thought architecture sounded interesting. Then he learned about landscape architecture, a field neither of us had heard of. It took us a couple of years, but he applied to multiple schools, and we ended up moving across the country. We had invested well in the real estate bubble. We left without having sold our house. Then, a month after he started grad school, the market crashed. It took us a full year to sell the house. Etc, etc. We were able to do the 3 years of school without any debt, but drained almost all of our savings. His family helped some.

 

THEN, he graduated, and it's taken him nearly a year to find a job. He's been relentlessly pursuing every firm he can find. We ended up moving back across the country to try in a new area, and he just started a job a couple of weeks ago. In this field, in this economy, everyone starts contract, but he does get full-time hours. We're hoping the work will continue to come in, and it will become permanent.

 

DH loved school, but it was hard on our family. Unemployment has been hard on him. It'll probably be years before we'll be able to live as comfortably as we did on his engineering salary. We worry about saving for college for the girls.

 

All that said, I've been supportive all along, and I think in the long-term, we'll be glad we've done it.

[MamaSheep]

My husband started his business while he was still working his previous job. He did his first contracts in the evenings and on weekends as a freelancer. After a while he incorporated, opened up a tiny office, which we redecorated ourselves on a shoestring, and hired a couple of responsible college students to hold down the fort during the day while he continued to work both his old job and contracts at his new business. His old job had kind of a flexible schedule so he could work some of his hours there at night and be in the new office at least some days during business hours.

 

Money was tight for a while because pretty much all the income from the new business had to go back into the business, and he was sometimes putting in fewer hours at the old job. But we had payed off most of our debts and saved up some money before we went out on that limb. After the business was up and running well (but not yet replacing the entire income from the other job) we bit the bullet, jumped off the bridge, and quit the old job. When he was able to put more hours in and take on more, and bigger contracts, the income from the new business gradually increased to the point where he was doing what he loved AND making more than he did in his old job.

 

That said, though, being your own boss is HARD. There are all kinds of challenges people don't usually think about up front, from health insurance issues and retirement plans, to quarterly tax payments, FICA, and withholding--and all of that is ON TOP of trying to bring in new business and keep all your clients happy. There's no "supervisor" to pass the ugly clients on to, there's no "sales department" bringing in the next contract. Sometimes your income is not steady, there will be "feast or famine" rollercoaster rides that make budgeting a real challenge both for the business and for the family.

 

So I think you CAN have both financial security for your family AND do what you love, but you have to be smart about it, and you have to be willing to work long, hard hours and take on scary challenges. And you have to understand that even if you are doing what you love and getting paid for it, there will still be things about your job that you hate, days you don't feel like getting out of bed, people you can't stand but have to work with anyway, and annoying bureaucratic nonsense you have to deal with. Work is work.

 

If it's a matter of just looking for another job, I'd say don't give up the old one until the new one is lined up, and if additional education is required take the classes online, or on evenings and weekends.

 

I agree that once you have a family, your first obligation is to provide for them, not to chase your dreams. If you can do both, then great, go for it. But you've taken on a responsibility for your family and you don't just ditch it because life isn't cherries and roses all the time.

 

A couple of other points to ponder:

 

1) Sometimes taking a fun hobby and turning it into your full time "job" can suck the joy and the life right out of it, and you find that you don't actually enjoy doing it anymore. Sometimes the reason you "love" that activity is that it's a break from the day to day grind. Make sure you'll still be at peace with that decision even if you HAVE to do your "thing" even on days you don't "feel like it". Because those days WILL come, and when it's your job you have to do it anyway, unlike when it's just a fun hobby.

 

2) Some people are just going to be cranky and unhappy in their job no matter what job they work at. Other people can be happy even if they're working a crap job. Often the difference in whether you like your job or not isn't so much a matter of whether you're choosing to do what you love, as it is a matter of choosing to love what you're doing. Sometimes changing your focus and your attitude can make a bigger difference than changing your career.

[TheReader]

Why do the two things have to be exclusive?

I want to set the example that I can provide for my family AND love what I am doing. I consider it extremely important that children see their parents enjoying work.

 

The two don't have to be exclusive, at all.

 

I absolutely have no problem with someone pursuing a job he or she enjoys, as long as the pursuit of said job is done in a way that does not jeopardize the provision &/or welfare of the family.

 

I would even go so far as to say I think the rest of the family should be prepared/willing to make some level of sacrifice to help the bread winner find a job he or she enjoys (although what level of sacrifice will vary with each family's comfort level).

 

Does that clear things up some?

[Paintedlady]

Congratulations! It's nice to hear somebody actually doing this and making it all work. I hope year 5 comes soon :)

 

Thanks--I hope so too!