RainbowSprinkles Posted February 3, 2012 Share Posted February 3, 2012 Today is my dd's 10th birthday. She got a card from her grandma a couple of days ago and we were going to save it until her actual birthday. This morning when she woke up, she asked if she could open the card. I told her let's wait until later on when daddy is back and we'll have cake and her other presents (just from us). She was totally fine with that. Well, grandma calls to wish her a happy birthday and asks if dd open the card yet. DD says no she's going to wait until later when we have cake. Then grandma proceeds to tell her that what's in the card (a gift card). She tells her which store and how much. I guess we might as well open the card now. :sad: What's the point to want my dd to be surprised when she already knows. Whatever I guess, she's the one who gave her the gift so I guess she can tell her if she wants. But why do it, when dd says we are going to wait until later? This is my MIL by the way. She tends to like undermining me by doing the opposite of what I say in regards to my dc. Pretty much the reason, why I quit talking to her. I have enough drama in my own family, I don't need hers on top of it. Anyway, just a little sad for no real reason. Thanks for listening... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
teamturner Posted February 3, 2012 Share Posted February 3, 2012 My parents and in-laws are like that. It does seem logical that the grandparents want to call the birthday child and wish them happy birthday and hear some words of appreciation for their gift. I don't think it's undermining, but good manners in their opinion. I wouldn't get upset about it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
In the Rain Posted February 3, 2012 Share Posted February 3, 2012 I'm sorry you are upset. It sounds like you have a bad history with your MIL, so that is probably part of it. I could see my MIL doing the same thing, but it wouldn't be for malicious reasons. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
angela in ohio Posted February 3, 2012 Share Posted February 3, 2012 I get it; I have a MIL whose lone purpose in life seems to be to try as hard as possible to make dh and me unhappy. :confused: But..... she called to see how dd liked the card. I would have let her open it while she was on the phone. I think that would have been more polite to any gift giver, if you stepped back and didn't think of the history with her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Garga Posted February 3, 2012 Share Posted February 3, 2012 I can see both sides. At each gift giving occasion, my MIL outshines me. At Christmas, she buys them the expensive DS (and games) that they've been wanting for a year. At Easter, she makes them an Easter basket that's better than mine. For Birthdays, she gets them the expensive $60 Lego sets. Part of me is disappointed. I wanted to provide those "WOW!" moments for the kids. But part of me is thrilled that MIL can come through and get the kids those special things that I can't afford. And I love it that MIL loves them and wants to shower them with gifts. (She's a "gift" person.) It took awhile, but after a couple of years of this, I just got used to it and let it go. But I understand the disappointment. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lmrich Posted February 3, 2012 Share Posted February 3, 2012 Try to look at from her point of view - she wants to hear or be part of the reaction of your dd. At least she cares for your dd. OF all the things to get upset about this is one I would let go and enjoy your dd today. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs Mungo Posted February 3, 2012 Share Posted February 3, 2012 My parents and in-laws are like that. It does seem logical that the grandparents want to call the birthday child and wish them happy birthday and hear some words of appreciation for their gift. I don't think it's undermining, but good manners in their opinion. I wouldn't get upset about it. I have to agree. If we haven't opened presents yet, I always let the kids open grandparent gifts when grandparent calls. We did that even when we were in Hawaii so they were calling first thing in the morning. Sorry you're upset. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Plucky Posted February 3, 2012 Share Posted February 3, 2012 She got a card, a gift card, and a phone call on her birthday? I would just be ecstatic with a phone call. Not all kids get that from their grandparents. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
regentrude Posted February 3, 2012 Share Posted February 3, 2012 I can understand that, when Grandma calls, she wants to know the reaction to her gift. She was probably excited to be able to give your DD this gift card and wanted to hear that, yes, this was a great gift and for the right store. I see no reason to be upset. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrothead Posted February 3, 2012 Share Posted February 3, 2012 I'm with the others. Even now as simply a gift giver instead of a grandparent, I like to know my gift/card is received and appreciated. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RainbowSprinkles Posted February 3, 2012 Author Share Posted February 3, 2012 She got a card, a gift card, and a phone call on her birthday? I would just be ecstatic with a phone call. Not all kids get that from their grandparents. Yes, I know that. This grandma is the only one who sends something. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Angel Posted February 3, 2012 Share Posted February 3, 2012 Wow! Your dd waited days to open the card?! I couldn't wait days to open a card! At our house we open the cards/gifts as they come in the mail. That is part of the birthday fun, getting a present even if it's not exactly your birthday :D My parents (who are loving and generous) wait for the girls to call and say thanks, but if I forget, they call. They get worried that it might have got lost in the mail. Same with my MIL, though her card comes nowhere near the birthday :lol: but I've taught the girls to realize that just makes it more of surprise not knowing which month it's coming. I'm sure there are many issues we don't know about in the relationship with you and your MIL. However, I see it as 1)she was probably wondering if the card made it and 2)she wanted to share the joy with your dd as far as what was in the card...it was her gift to your dd. You wouldn't have made your dd wait if your MIL had given it in person. The call was kind of like "in person." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
RainbowSprinkles Posted February 3, 2012 Author Share Posted February 3, 2012 Yes, I know I'm being ridiculous. :) I just didn't think she would tell dd what it was after being told by my dd that she wanted to wait to open it until later on. She could have just called in the evening. ETA: Or waited until dd called to thank her later on today. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tammyla Posted February 3, 2012 Share Posted February 3, 2012 Oh, you are fine;), but now you know and can expect it next time. My mil, insists on a complete accounting for any gift card or money, and it just zaps the joy out it. kwim? Yes, I know I'm being ridiculous. :) I just didn't think she would tell dd what it was after being told by my dd that she wanted to wait to open it until later on. She could have just called in the evening. ETA: Or waited until dd called to thank her later on today. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cougarmom4 Posted February 3, 2012 Share Posted February 3, 2012 I would have been a little frustrated with that, too! If your dd said she was waiting until later, grandma should have been able to wait, too! Goodness gracious.... Your MIL sounds similar to mine...and it's not always easy to deal with! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ellesmere Posted February 3, 2012 Share Posted February 3, 2012 If you had let her open it before she had called, would your MIL have taken the opposite view and suddenly be upset that it was opened before cake? I understand difficulties and feeling like she is undermining if she has a history of making things hard. But I'd wonder if it's not that she told what the gift was (to me, that seems a little strange that she's spoil the surprise, but I do understand maybe she just was excited -- I'm awful at keeping gift secrets) and the issue is more that this is just one more thing. (And on another note, I do wish I got thank you cards when I mail gifts so I knew that they arrived safely and they know I didn't forget, not because I want gratitude. But it sounds like MIL knew the card was there safe and sound.) But I'm projecting my own feelings, so I could be way off. Hope you feel better :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rebecca VA Posted February 3, 2012 Share Posted February 3, 2012 I think you're obsessing over this. It makes sense that your MIL would want to hear her granddaughter's excitement when she found out what the gift was. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cougarmom4 Posted February 3, 2012 Share Posted February 3, 2012 I think it was more the issue of 'timing' and the fact that mil went ahead and told dd about the gift *after* she had been told they were waiting to open it that is the issue here...at least that's what I'd be frustrated with. I'm sure the op's daughter would have called grandma after opening card and thanked her for the gift and/or sent a thank you note. Rainbow Sprinkles...I get it. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Janie Grace Posted February 3, 2012 Share Posted February 3, 2012 I can understand that, when Grandma calls, she wants to know the reaction to her gift. She was probably excited to be able to give your DD this gift card and wanted to hear that, yes, this was a great gift and for the right store.I see no reason to be upset. :iagree: I'd let it go. I don't think she was undermining you, I think she was excited. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harriet Vane Posted February 3, 2012 Share Posted February 3, 2012 Agreeing with the others--it sounds more like mil was excited and wanted to enjoy grand-daughter's reaction. I think it would have been better to allow dd to open the card with mil on the phone. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest submarines Posted February 3, 2012 Share Posted February 3, 2012 Yes, I know I'm being ridiculous. :) I just didn't think she would tell dd what it was after being told by my dd that she wanted to wait to open it until later on. She could have just called in the evening. ETA: Or waited until dd called to thank her later on today. Maybe in her mind opening the gift (a ritual) wasn't necessarily related to knowing what the gift was. I don't see them as one and the same myself. I think your unease stems from your history with your MIL. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J-rap Posted February 3, 2012 Share Posted February 3, 2012 It seems a little childish to me (on her part), but oh well. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Plucky Posted February 3, 2012 Share Posted February 3, 2012 Yes, I know that. This grandma is the only one who sends something. I hope you don't feel I was judging you. I have my own issues with my mil (who I love). Getting older and just wanting peace sometimes makes these irritating feeling subside. It is so hard when families come together. Even if you have similar backgrounds, there can be subtle family culture clashes. My dh's family thinks greeting cards are the equivalent of showing love. My family thought they were a waste of money. You can imagine how dh's family felt about me for the first few years of our marriage. :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted February 3, 2012 Share Posted February 3, 2012 My parents and in-laws are like that. It does seem logical that the grandparents want to call the birthday child and wish them happy birthday and hear some words of appreciation for their gift. I don't think it's undermining, but good manners in their opinion. I wouldn't get upset about it. Grandma sounds impatient to me. I agree grandma probably wanted to hear her "thank you" and since the card hadn't been opened, she told her everything in it so she could get her "thank you" Now! (sounds like a toddler - I want it NOW). Grandma COULD have waited until later or tomorrow after the card had been opened with the other presents for her "thank you". If she'd waited, she'd probably have been able to hear more gushing and excitment. but it could also be grandma didn't want her present to have any competition. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
sweetbasil Posted February 3, 2012 Share Posted February 3, 2012 I just want to add that if you have reason to think this was a deliberate slight, then don't discount those feelings just because some strangers on the internet have a different opinion. You know your MIL and your history with her. Personally I feel it was pretty lame, at the very least. I mean, if I'd sent a gift to someone who hadn't yet opened it, I certainly wouldn't detail what was in the package before he/she opened it. It seems like a ploy to draw attention to oneself. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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