Lilymax Posted January 7, 2012 Share Posted January 7, 2012 (I can't even type...I meant "will sympathize WITH this post...) LOL MIL called yesterday to tell us that SIL has cancer. Now, SIL (and FIL, and HIS mother) are all classic NPDs--I could write novels full of the carnage the three of them have created within DH's family through the years. Though I don't like SIL, at all, I felt terrible for her and immediately asked people to pray. I also asked for prayer for MIL, who would have to care for SIL through a major abdominal surgery to remove the cancer--no easy task, since MIL has a very full plate already. And, MIL would have to pay for everything because SIL has no insurance. SIL's considered herself too disabled to work for years now, even though she's been denied disability benefits several times, and her only work before involved sitting at a computer. (Ironic that she can't sit at a computer for pay anymore, considering that she spends every day and night sitting in front of a computer, playing games on Facebook while MIL keeps her housed, clothed and fed.) :glare: Anyway...MIL went to the doctor with SIL yesterday and discovered that the whole "cancer" thing was a lie. To say that MIL is upset is a huge understatement. I feel so bad for her, so mad at SIL, and just disgusted that anyone would go to those lengths to get attention. Even though I've dealt with an NPD mom my entire life, it still floors me the degree to which these people can just manipulate others with no remorse or concern for anyone else's feelings. I think if I were MIL, I'd have to high-five my daughter. In the face. With a chair...and then check her into the mental institution within which she belongs. :glare: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
thescrappyhomeschooler Posted January 7, 2012 Share Posted January 7, 2012 That is some extreme attention seeking. Wow. Your poor MIL. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Miss Marple Posted January 7, 2012 Share Posted January 7, 2012 OMG - that is just...wicked! Truly horrible. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted January 7, 2012 Share Posted January 7, 2012 Having gone through cancer tx and surgery to boot, that is, wow, just jaw dropping horrible!!!! I hope she seeks tx for her MENTAL condition. You don't spring that kind of news on people.....What in God's green earth would make her think that kind of thing is even acceptable. Cancer is horrible. I think that would be the straw that would allow me to cease contact with them. :001_huh: :001_huh: :001_huh: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Zebra Posted January 7, 2012 Share Posted January 7, 2012 And then, (when you deal with stuff like this on a regular basis) people wonder why you are suspicious of everyone. Or at least that's been my experience :lol:! :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ereks mom Posted January 7, 2012 Share Posted January 7, 2012 (edited) MIL went to the doctor with SIL yesterday and discovered that the whole "cancer" thing was a lie. To say that MIL is upset is a huge understatement. I feel so bad for her, so mad at SIL, and just disgusted that anyone would go to those lengths to get attention. WOW! :001_huh: I truly cannot understand this type of personality. I know it's a disorder, but I have a hard time feeling sympathetic towards people who do this kind of thing. My own SIL is a lot like yours--uses illness (real or imagined--no one's sure anymore) for attention, even at the expense of her own husband and children--and I alternate between pity and disgust for the way she is. My SIL's diagnosis is Dysautonomia, but sick or not, she manipulates other people. For just one of many, many examples: SIL claims that she has constant migraines that cause her to only rarely be able to leave her bedroom because of the light & noise levels in the rest of their house. She uses a 25 watt bulb in the bedroom, and can't deal with the noise that her children (ages 5, 11, & 15) make. Yet she "homeschools" her children--and they are all at least 2 years behind academically/developmentally. She has BIL (my dh's brother) completely snowed about the kids' schooling, she tells him she's "doing things a different way", and he believes everything she says and even makes excuses for her when anyone questions what's going on, not just about the schooling, but everything else. Anyway, long story shortened some... over the holidays, she and her family went to visit extended family in another city several hours' drive away. They stayed 4 days. BUT when it came to visiting her dh's family 2 miles away (MIL & FIL & the rest of us) at our Christmas celebration a few weeks later, she "wasn't able to go", even for a couple of hours. FIL called SIL & BIL and asked if the kids could come over for a little while to visit their cousins (which SIL's kids had REALLY been joyfully anticipating), but they said no. I get so angry, but there's NOTHING I can do. SIL does see a counselor, and BIL needs to see one as well--and he knows it--but SIL has told BIL that he can NOT talk to her counselor or else she will quit going. Edited January 8, 2012 by ereks mom Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amber in SJ Posted January 7, 2012 Share Posted January 7, 2012 Oh, yeah. I feel your pain. This is rampant in Dh's family as well. 10+ years ago, when my oldest was 7, the news came from Dh's family that cousin F had a rare form of brain cancer. This cousin was one year younger than Dh, grew up in his family being treated like a sister. She was even in my wedding. She now lived across the country and had made some choices that were different than mine, including three small children from two different men to whom she was not married. We kept in touch because the rest of the family had written her off & I wanted her to know someone cared. With the cancer diagnosis the family rallied around her. Money started flowing in to help with treatment. Her mom took a leave of absence from work & went for an extended stay. When her mom left, an unmarried cousin moved in to care for the children. Thousands of prayers were offered. After two years of this she told everyone that the Dr told her she was losing her battle with cancer & needed to make the end of life decisions. The big decision was what to do with her kids. Neither dad was involved, her mom said she was too elderly & busy to take them and the cousin who had been their live-in caregiver said she wanted to go to college & have a life. Dh & I decided to offer to adopt them if we could. We got a lawyer who started the process. We thought about moving as this would double our family size but decided to add on to our existing house. When we started making plans to fly across country to meet the kids things started to fall apart..... She didn't have cancer, she never had cancer, she was on drugs. My first thought (Ok my second thought after WHAAAAATTTTT!?!?!?!) was she would have made more money as an actress. It was completely bizarre. I feel sad for her children. We offered to take them while she went to some kind of rehab program, but she worked it out in such a way that one of the dad's family took them. She has refused all contact with our family. Anyway, I just thought I'd let you know you are not alone :grouphug: Amber in SJ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted January 7, 2012 Share Posted January 7, 2012 (I think if I were MIL, I'd have to high-five my daughter. In the face. With a chair...and then check her into the mental institution within which she belongs. :glare: Amen. Amen. Amen! It's jaw dropping the stunts that Ns pull. What really scares me is how many of them raise children, and end up in fairly high powered jobs. If they're willing to pull a stunt like this (and honestly, it's not the first time I've heard of it), what *else* are they capable of when they decide they're not getting the attention they need? That's enough to keep you awake nights... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laura in MI Posted January 7, 2012 Share Posted January 7, 2012 That is some extreme attention seeking. Wow. Your poor MIL. :iagree: Oh my..! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Grover Posted January 7, 2012 Share Posted January 7, 2012 :blink::huh:wow. Just. Wow. How does someone do that? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AuntieM Posted January 7, 2012 Share Posted January 7, 2012 :blink::huh:wow. Just. Wow. How does someone do that? ....and think they won't get busted? I mean, really??? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Impish Posted January 7, 2012 Share Posted January 7, 2012 ....and think they won't get busted? I mean, really??? Problem is, where's the down side? I mean, are ppl going to walk away? Is SIL going to be kicked out of the parent's house? Likely not. So, there's no downside, and SIL was able to be the focus of everyone's attention. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted January 7, 2012 Share Posted January 7, 2012 Anyway...MIL went to the doctor with SIL yesterday and discovered that the whole "cancer" thing was a lie. To say that MIL is upset is a huge understatement. I feel so bad for her, so mad at SIL, and just disgusted that anyone would go to those lengths to get attention. Even though I've dealt with an NPD mom my entire life, it still floors me the degree to which these people can just manipulate others with no remorse or concern for anyone else's feelings. I think if I were MIL, I'd have to high-five my daughter. In the face. With a chair...and then check her into the mental institution within which she belongs. :glare: (ftr: my grandmother was NPD/BPD and my mother way to often deferred to her, and my brother is NPD and married - and divorced - NPD leaning women.) :lol: You know, if this gets a message through to your mil that she's being used and prompts her to cut your sil off, it would be worth it. she's been doing your sil no favors. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Trish Posted January 7, 2012 Share Posted January 7, 2012 Isn't the MIL also NPD? Along with FIL? So, can't they all just "enjoy" each other? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Audrey Posted January 7, 2012 Share Posted January 7, 2012 (edited) nm Edited January 8, 2012 by Audrey Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AuntieM Posted January 7, 2012 Share Posted January 7, 2012 Isn't the MIL also NPD? Along with FIL? So, can't they all just "enjoy" each other? Hmm..... A case of reaping what she's sown? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zaichiki Posted January 7, 2012 Share Posted January 7, 2012 MIL went to the doctor with SIL yesterday and discovered that the whole "cancer" thing was a lie. snip ...and then check her into the mental institution within which she belongs. :glare: I'm sorry! I know exactly how your family feels. My mother did this very thing. I snipped down to the bottom. You're not wrong: this is mental institution worthy. Have you ever considered Munchausen Syndrome? :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zaichiki Posted January 7, 2012 Share Posted January 7, 2012 And then, (when you deal with stuff like this on a regular basis) people wonder why you are suspicious of everyone. Or at least that's been my experience :lol:! :iagree: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosie_0801 Posted January 7, 2012 Share Posted January 7, 2012 You wanna hear another story? My FIL worked his way from a 5 pound migrant to a millionaire and provided my MIL with pretty near everything she could have wanted. He's lying in hospital dying of cancer, so we've all just found out, except he isn't ready to give up just yet and wants to go home. I happen to think a guy shouldn't have to die if he can find a way out of it, and can't see why he isn't entitled to try. I shall be taking the kids into the city each day (almost an hour and a half each way) so they can see dh during his lunch break for a bit of daddy time because he's going to have to move to his mum's house so as to be able to get to the hospital before and after work to feed his dad; because she won't go in more than once per day to do it and doesn't stay for more than about two hours when she does because she doesn't notice he wants her to stay. (Yes that was a run on sentence.) Nobody recovers health on hospital food like fake potatoes, so green smoothies it is (he can barely eat solid food and that's if he's doing well) and I'll be the one buying the ingredients, because MIL isn't going to trouble herself to go to an organic shop because it is further away than their veggie garden and the supermarket at the end of the street. I shall be bankrupting myself for a millionaire. That's kind of funny, isn't it? Even if dh's rather frantic schedule guilts her into saying she'll do the right thing, we won't believe her anyway. So happy birthday to me, I get to spend time again today with my MIL, whom I loathe beyond words available in either of my languages, and Auslan has some pretty horrible vocabulary! Oh yeah, and while we're at it, my SIL keeps ringing MIL to share all the stories she's obtained from her doctor friends (she isn't one, but lives in a rich area) about how cancer patients inevitably die 6 weeks after their birthdays and of course it's FIL's birthday in a couple of weeks. And she rang her father and left a sobbing message, which is hardly pleasing to him just now. So, I'd also like to know what the heck is wrong with people. And if anyone knows a language of high powered swear words, I should like to know. :P Rosie Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lilymax Posted January 7, 2012 Author Share Posted January 7, 2012 Wow...the stories in this thread...it's just unbelievable the things that people do to each other! It's so sad! :confused: Thanks to all who replied...no, MIL isn't NPD. She's definitely in the "enabler" camp, though. She divorced SIL's and DH's father (the other narcissist) when the kids were very young because she couldn't handle his crap or his mother's, another NPD nutball. He is no longer in our lives, either. As I said, I have a long, long list of stories about my SIL, but we've basically had nothing to do with her since an awful incident three years ago, where she totally used me and my family. After she sucked us dry, she moved back to her mom. DH and I blew up at MIL, asking WHY she keeps letting her use her like that. She just said it's because she loves her daughter, and said that we would do the same for any of our kids. It's hard to say...I'd like to think DH and I have more backbone than that, and believe too much in the power of Tough Love to ever be so blatantly used, but, I have not parented a mentally-ill adult. So what do I know? SIL's divorced three times, with one grown daughter who threw her out after living with her just a few months, and one 11-ish year old autistic child that she recently lost custody of to the boy's father because of educational neglect. (She "homeschooled" him and refused to have him evaluated for his autism.) The dad's ability to parent is only marginally better than SIL's, but at least he's not a narcissist. I wish I knew how to convince MIL to cut the ties with SIL, because she's a kind-hearted woman and it makes us angry to see her being abused for so long. They all live 400 miles away so it's not like we're right there to do anything to help strengthen her to fight back. Anyway...thanks for listening and for offering your advice. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Excelsior! Academy Posted January 7, 2012 Share Posted January 7, 2012 this And then, (when you deal with stuff like this on a regular basis) people wonder why you are suspicious of everyone. Or at least that's been my experience :lol:! :grouphug: and this Amen. Amen. Amen! It's jaw dropping the stunts that Ns pull. What really scares me is how many of them raise children, and end up in fairly high powered jobs. If they're willing to pull a stunt like this (and honestly, it's not the first time I've heard of it), what *else* are they capable of when they decide they're not getting the attention they need? That's enough to keep you awake nights... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
gardenmom5 Posted January 7, 2012 Share Posted January 7, 2012 DH and I blew up at MIL, asking WHY she keeps letting her use her like that. She just said it's because she loves her daughter, and said that we would do the same for any of our kids. I wish I knew how to convince MIL to cut the ties with SIL, because she's a kind-hearted woman and it makes us angry to see her being abused for so long. . Might I suggest a book on boundaries? Your mil needs to learn them. Remember, ultimately it is up to her. best of luck. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dustybug Posted January 7, 2012 Share Posted January 7, 2012 :blink::blink: I seriously have no words for that. Unbelievable. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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